12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

Grrrr...just typed a response and it disappeared.

 

Marj-rant away

 

This whole experience w the crazy ass symptoms no one can believe, non linear healing, roller coaster of emotions, questions of wether this is benzo or something else, not many peeps believing us, feeling optimistic until we are symptomatic, having to deal w spouses and work, losing our confidence, mornings from hell...Shall I go on??? that's enough for anyone to rant. 

[[be...]]

Hi all,

 

Just got back from my granddaughters birthday breakfast. We took her for pancakes and shopping, she was one happy eleven year old.

While I was watching everyone eating and enjoying their food I was thinking about "do they know how lucky they are?" They can eat what they want..go where they want..and so on and so on.

Then my thinking switched...a lot of people are worse off than myself...I couldn't wrap my head around it.

I think today will be a day of thinking and sorting things out, I don't like these kinds of days..but sometimes they are necessary for me to move on in my healing...just a lot of processing.

 

Have the best day you can.

 

 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi All

 

Still recovering somewhat from my trip.  The doxy Unisom continues to work, I'm sleeping.  I feel a little drugged in the morning, but I don't care. Just hope the doxy doesn't retard healing, in the way alcohol does.

 

Feeling tired, a little boaty, a little nauseaous, and the operative phrase is a little, so determined to live as normally as possible and not think about symptoms to the best of my ability.  Until I can't lol

 

So I'm taking a little time off the thread.  Be back soon.  feel better, everyone.

 

Be well, everyone.

[[dr...]]

Green...go be free!!!  Seriously...enjoy...

 

 

I'm relaxing today.  Waiting for the migraine symptoms to disappear. No major head pain or anxiety but just off.  It's literally a serotonin swarm in your brain so all that jumbo jumbo stuff going on is bound to make me weird.  I have a performance tonight which should be fine.

[[Se...]]

Thanks for the replies, guys.  Can't respond personally to each; still in a bad wave here.  Holding on.  But was in the garden much of the day, getting some Vit D, lots of bug bites, and pacing myself, doing necessary weeding & mulching.  Physically, I am strong, so I am grateful for that.  I also noticed that although it was very hot, the heat isn't bothering me this summer, in the way it did the past few summers, when in tolerance w/d & acute.  The heat used to be oppressive and very difficult to tolerate; it would make me nearly pass out.  So... this is another good sign.  I'll take it.  The mental symptoms are killer right now, however.

 

Continued good healing to all... 

Serenity

[[je...]]

Grrrr...just typed a response and it disappeared.

 

Marj-rant away

 

This whole experience w the crazy ass symptoms no one can believe, non linear healing, roller coaster of emotions, questions of wether this is benzo or something else, not many peeps believing us, feeling optimistic until we are symptomatic, having to deal w spouses and work, losing our confidence, mornings from hell...Shall I go on??? that's enough for anyone to rant. 

 

 

Yep Drew, you pretty much summed up this whole experience. I think the part I hate the most is when I start doubting if this is w/d or just me. Not feeling very positive today myself, and then all this doubt sets in again.... No wonder people have such a hard time believing this, I have a hard time believing w/d can last this long sometimes too.

[[je...]]

its really hard to say if they are really curing themselves of benzo wd. some people have had great success by finding out what they are low in and torturing themselves taking the supplement, but then some of the seem to magically wake up cured. its really scary but its interesting to see the results. it seems no different than the ginkgo experiment, but its with things like niacin, MSG, and anything else others come up with. someone wrote there a month ago that benzo wd hits everyone differently and its a matter of finding out what was thrown out of whack when you quit the benzo and to reverse it as quick as possible. that person said that the gaba issues are resolved within 90 days for most people and that protracted withdrawal is just a deficiency and you wont heal until you restore that deficiency. i was always scared to try anything so i never did. but i have made some progress regardless so i feel like mine may be strictly gaba issues. i dunno.

 

 

 

Where do they get info that gaba receptors take 90 days to go back to normal? Why did Orion leave BB? He had a lot of friends and support here..

[[al...]]

its really hard to say if they are really curing themselves of benzo wd. some people have had great success by finding out what they are low in and torturing themselves taking the supplement, but then some of the seem to magically wake up cured. its really scary but its interesting to see the results. it seems no different than the ginkgo experiment, but its with things like niacin, MSG, and anything else others come up with. someone wrote there a month ago that benzo wd hits everyone differently and its a matter of finding out what was thrown out of whack when you quit the benzo and to reverse it as quick as possible. that person said that the gaba issues are resolved within 90 days for most people and that protracted withdrawal is just a deficiency and you wont heal until you restore that deficiency. i was always scared to try anything so i never did. but i have made some progress regardless so i feel like mine may be strictly gaba issues. i dunno.

 

Its just a theory, but because the brain is able to take you out of seizure threshold fairly quickly some believe that the GABA issue resolves quickly. If our GABA issues were truly impaired then we should be susceptible to seizures for much longer than just the first month or so. As for OB leaving the forum, he had his reasons. But, he is fighting with all hes got.

 

 

Where do they get info that gaba receptors take 90 days to go back to normal? Why did Orion leave BB? He had a lot of friends and support here..

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Just a slow morning with nothing planned for today. If my stiff body will allow it I'm going to try and get a little housework done.

 

Yabba Dabba Doo ..Happy Friday to You.

 

Everyone..have the best day you can..keep on healing.

[[Si...]]

I maybe slept between 2-4 hours last night. Typical not able to fall asleep in bed, so went down to our couch. I'm not sure if it was the morning light coming in or the obnoxiously loud birds outside that woke me up around 5:30am. I guess at least I did sleep some and it wasn't a 0 night. I'm so ready to be done with this insomnia. Hope everyone else is doing ok this morning.

[[Co...]]

Hi buddies.  Just checking in to catch up with everyone. ...

....I have been up and down and around the past few days, but it seems to be leveling off....I have been so busy with my daughter as her wedding is 2 weeks away.  It has been a great distraction and I have had to push myself just enough. The mornings have been consistently difficult with either benzo flu and/or anxiety /health fear. I get up feeling like I can't do anything ,but having made promises to my daughter I go anyway. It pans out to inevitably not feeling worse, not dying and usually feeling better.

.  The belly pain seems to be gradually improving. The Gaviscon turned on me and started making me feel worse with headaches and terrible trips to the loo. So I did what I said I wouldnt.  I googled it. It does not come without side effects ( surprise surprise)  I decided to go off and see if I could manage without. Peace sent me some great alternative remedies that I am trying ..  and accepting that for right now there will not be any 'fun with food'  Small loss considering the last 20 months, although I freely admit to missing the things I love like coffee in the morning and a potato chip from time to time.  I see the oncologist next week for follow up and I do not want to hear the words 'scope' or 'scan'.  So banana/cocanut, yogurt smoothies .  mashed potatoes and plain toast .. ( I am not thinking that I have had any recurrence of cancer. I am seeing the oncologist as she followed up on the reflux at my yearly check up so she will continue to follow the reflux...).

.....I truly believe that if not for the health issues and health fears I would be very consistently at 80%....and some days 90%  with some windows and effortless mind sunbreaks.

.....I had a great time with my grandsons when they came to swim.  I was tired at the end of the day, but having said that my stamina is improving.

....I am sure that I will not heal in that magic month 24, but I am very confident that I will be done in the third year and I can accept that. As much as I want to be done, I am realizing that it is all life.. the good days ...the bad days.  and I am trying to live the best I can each day without timelines...

.....It's been a busy week so today I am just puttering at home with the dog.  ...and trying to catch up on the posts.  Wishing everyone a day of sunbreaks and encouragement. ..  coop.

 

[[Co...]]

Green,....I am so glad that you are getting sleep. You really are sounding so much better ....I totally get it that you need to be off the thread for awhile..  Enjoy your days away....see you when you come back on. Thinking of you sx sista.....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, .  So sorry that migraine landed. You are navigating your auras and head sx so much better. Just 4/5 months ago you were in almost constant fear/anxiety and panic with them

Staying home when you feel that one is brewing is such a good idea.. imo. ....You are sounding really good too. Your CBT and therapy is really paying off for you..  Onward with cooking gourmet dinners and performing.  coop

[[Co...]]

Marj..  vent away.  cry a river.  I think venting, crying and getting mad at this torture is actually pretty healing. Racksha started a new support thread all about sharing feelings and emotions. It looks great. ..  It has to be so very difficult.  like  eyond human to have to go to work while being thrown around by sx. ... I hope your wave rolls out enough over the weekend to give you a chance to rest and catch your breath.

...You have come so far Marj... things should ease up a bit in the next few months. Vent and cry away. I am with ya on the crying.  I still cry every day.  Then I feel a little better

..  Sending you thoughts for some rest and a decent sunbreak.  coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah,  Those birthday dates are so sweet..  they keep me going for months. ..  I am right there with you on the eating issues.  It sucks to watch everyone else enjoy thier coffee and buttery syrupy pancakes... I am hoping this will not go on for months.  I am tired of banana smoothies and mashed potatoes. I am also hoping this does not morph into an unreasonable fear of eating, that's all I need....to be a 65 year old woman with an eating disorder.  I am thinking a string of a few days of eating real food without consequences would take care of that in short order.

    Sorting things out.  Yep I just get my thoughts sorted about all of this and along comes the Benzo beast and messes things all up...I can not count the millions of time I have made peace with anxiety and health fear only to be thrown into a head scramble and can not remember the sorted version of acceptance and belief that this will end. . ..So ok, we have our unending basket of socks to sort and match...good distraction...not as good as baked lasagna  but until then... 

.  Thinking of you Beulah.  ...coop

[[Co...]]

Jenny, .  Sorry that you are taking a little dip.  You have some rock solid healing under your feet...  it's going to stick. Even in life after healing there are the down moments ....I bet this is a momentary blip.  Just the same I am sorry that you have some sx nipping at your ankles.....stomp on them. 

....Wishing you a very fast out of the bluesy day.  coop

[[Co...]]

Sky..  Are you in a good day?.  The feeling of being whacked in your sleep has to be wierd .  Poor Mr. Sky for being suspect.  How is the house search?.. I am sure that I have missed your last post, but I just wanted to catch up with you . Wishing you sunbreaks and a chance to get out on your break and go 'beauty hunting'.    coop

[[je...]]

Coop,

Great to hear from you! I love how you are just taking each day as it comes, I'm trying to do that myself.. I've got some stuff going on in my mind saying that there could be something wrong with me, but I'm trying to ignore it and just live my life. I can't breathe through my nose at all, its like my sinuses are inflamed.. It gets scary at times as I start thinking I'm gonna have to have surgery to correct it at some point etc. I have no clue if its just w/d or what. I'm also feeling anxiety nipping at my heels, but I've been able to bat it away for now. Anyhow, great to hear from you, and your sounding much better Jenny

[[Co...]]

Siggy.  I didn't follow the entire conversation comparing benzo sites.  But I am glad you post here with us and I am glad orion is still going forward.  Wishing you sleep.  Sleep sleep the elusive healing escape.  I am back to waking up each morning at 4 instead of 6/630.  I hate it.  Hoping for better..  coop

[[Co...]]

Nova... thinking of you dear friend..  Even when you are not on your presence is here with support....and thoughts of cookies.. .hope you are getting some sunbreaks and rambles.  coop

[[Co...]]

Coop,

Great to hear from you! I love how you are just taking each day as it comes, I'm trying to do that myself.. I've got some stuff going on in my mind saying that there could be something wrong with me, but I'm trying to ignore it and just live my life. I can't breathe through my nose at all, its like my sinuses are inflamed.. It gets scary at times as I start thinking I'm gonna have to have surgery to correct it at some point etc. I have no clue if its just w/d or what. I'm also feeling anxiety nipping at my heels, but I've been able to bat it away for now. Anyhow, great to hear from you, and your sounding much better Jenny

 

......Well, it is only with constant effort that I am trying to take each day as it comes. I go over the cliff routinely every day. I hear ya on the slippery slope of physical sx....I go from having reflux to the land of catrastophe where major surgeries live. Happens in an eye blink and I spend hours distracting and self talking. I think we are getting much better at handling the health fears, but it is such wonderfulness when they just don't show up.  ....The Benzo beast is losing some of his fire .  mostly smoke now.  Waiting for him to drag himself off to some cave and die.  Have a good day Jenny.  coop

 

[[be...]]

Beulah,  Those birthday dates are so sweet..  they keep me going for months. ..  I am right there with you on the eating issues.  It sucks to watch everyone else enjoy thier coffee and buttery syrupy pancakes... I am hoping this will not go on for months.  I am tired of banana smoothies and mashed potatoes. I am also hoping this does not morph into an unreasonable fear of eating, that's all I need....to be a 65 year old woman with an eating disorder.  I am thinking a string of a few days of eating real food without consequences would take care of that in short order.

    Sorting things out.  Yep I just get my thoughts sorted about all of this and along comes the Benzo beast and messes things all up...I can not count the millions of time I have made peace with anxiety and health fear only to be thrown into a head scramble and can not remember the sorted version of acceptance and belief that this will end. . ..So ok, we have our unending basket of socks to sort and match...good distraction...not as good as baked lasagna  but until then... 

.  Thinking of you Beulah.  ...coop

 

Coop, good to hear from you. Yeah, we had so much fun at her birthday breakfast. We thought we would be kicked out because we got so loud and my daughter turned my giggle box over..lol.

We took her to her ears pierced afterwards and she was so excited.

I'm so excited that I am finally able to join in on much of her life that I've missed for the last two years....it fills my heart meter.

 

 

Your daughters wedding planning sounds like so much fun. Two more weeks of fun and great distraction. I have a smile on my face remembering my daughter's wedding day. She was so excited she couldn't sleep and neither could I, we stayed up all night talking and laughing....we were exhausted on her wedding day and just wanted to sleep..lol.

 

Sorry the Gaviscon backfired on you, probably the magnesium in it, I can't touch anything with mag yet, still to sensitive to it.

Smoothies and mashed potatoes are getting old. My new go to breakfast is now a toasted English muffin with almond butter and strawberries..sits well and it's yummy.

I'm getting creative with other foods that are nice and bland, ground turkey meatballs, white chicken pizza, and potatoes thrown in somewhere.

 

I also think most of my healing will be in my third year. The magical month 24 ain't happening hear for me...but I do have high hopes of year three.

 

Enjoy your rest day with some peaceful thoughts. Hugs.

[[Gr...]]

its really hard to say if they are really curing themselves of benzo wd. some people have had great success by finding out what they are low in and torturing themselves taking the supplement, but then some of the seem to magically wake up cured. its really scary but its interesting to see the results. it seems no different than the ginkgo experiment, but its with things like niacin, MSG, and anything else others come up with. someone wrote there a month ago that benzo wd hits everyone differently and its a matter of finding out what was thrown out of whack when you quit the benzo and to reverse it as quick as possible. that person said that the gaba issues are resolved within 90 days for most people and that protracted withdrawal is just a deficiency and you wont heal until you restore that deficiency. i was always scared to try anything so i never did. but i have made some progress regardless so i feel like mine may be strictly gaba issues. i dunno.

 

Its just a theory, but because the brain is able to take you out of seizure threshold fairly quickly some believe that the GABA issue resolves quickly. If our GABA issues were truly impaired then we should be susceptible to seizures for much longer than just the first month or so. As for OB leaving the forum, he had his reasons. But, he is fighting with all hes got.

 

 

Where do they get info that gaba receptors take 90 days to go back to normal? Why did Orion leave BB? He had a lot of friends and support here..

 

I understand that theory, given the threshold potential for seizures resolves very quickly.  But how to explain that people who are suffering terribly after months, maybe years of symptoms, feel better upon reinstatement?  Given a high enough dose, people who have reinstated feel relief. Not everybody, and it may not last, but many.  I think most of this is theoretical for us, since no one is talking.  I believe the pharma companies know plenty, and that information, those studies, are buried with Jimmy Hoffa.

[[Gr...]]

Hi buddies.  Just checking in to catch up with everyone. ...

....I have been up and down and around the past few days, but it seems to be leveling off....I have been so busy with my daughter as her wedding is 2 weeks away.  It has been a great distraction and I have had to push myself just enough. The mornings have been consistently difficult with either benzo flu and/or anxiety /health fear. I get up feeling like I can't do anything ,but having made promises to my daughter I go anyway. It pans out to inevitably not feeling worse, not dying and usually feeling better.

.  The belly pain seems to be gradually improving. The Gaviscon turned on me and started making me feel worse with headaches and terrible trips to the loo. So I did what I said I wouldnt.  I googled it. It does not come without side effects ( surprise surprise)  I decided to go off and see if I could manage without. Peace sent me some great alternative remedies that I am trying ..  and accepting that for right now there will not be any 'fun with food'  Small loss considering the last 20 months, although I freely admit to missing the things I love like coffee in the morning and a potato chip from time to time.  I see the oncologist next week for follow up and I do not want to hear the words 'scope' or 'scan'.  So banana/cocanut, yogurt smoothies .  mashed potatoes and plain toast .. ( I am not thinking that I have had any recurrence of cancer. I am seeing the oncologist as she followed up on the reflux at my yearly check up so she will continue to follow the reflux...).

.....I truly believe that if not for the health issues and health fears I would be very consistently at 80%....and some days 90%  with some windows and effortless mind sunbreaks.

.....I had a great time with my grandsons when they came to swim.  I was tired at the end of the day, but having said that my stamina is improving.

....I am sure that I will not heal in that magic month 24, but I am very confident that I will be done in the third year and I can accept that. As much as I want to be done, I am realizing that it is all life.. the good days ...the bad days.  and I am trying to live the best I can each day without timelines...

.....It's been a busy week so today I am just puttering at home with the dog.  ...and trying to catch up on the posts.  Wishing everyone a day of sunbreaks and encouragement. ..  coop.

 

Hello, Coop!  It's been awhile! 

You can't say "but for the health fears," because the mental symptoms are serious strong symptoms, as much as the physical sx are.  For instance, I have tough body pain and stiffness, but no mental sx right now, and I'm dragging myself around like Quasimodo (spelling?), pulling my gimpy self around.  When I have bad mental stuff, depression, etc, that is just as bad as being couch bound with fatigue.  And when we have both, mental and physical, we're doomed.

 

Glad you're off that medicine.

 

I just upped my life insurance (Just in case!) and the guy called with add'l questions.  wanted to know if I was on any prescription meds, any.  Insurance companies consider it a health risk if you're on medication.  I used to think that was the risk of the underlying condition.  Now I understand it's the risk of taking medication every day.  Most times we're better off without our meds.

 

So glad to hear your daughter's wedding is coming up so soon.  Where did the time go?  It seems like yesterday it was months away.  Time drags and flies in withdrawal.

 

I'm feeling better, yet still plagued with body pain, extreme stiffness, sleeping very late (I think my body just needs the sleep)  benzo belly is still around. but overall I'm hopeful.  My little trip gave me confidence, that I can do certain things if I have to, and that's healing.  Of course feeling the rebound exhaustion after pushing is the price.  Who knows when that will resolve.

 

I also relate to getting up and out, not dying, even feeling better as the day goes on.  That's how my trip was.  Tough mornings, pushing, and feeling better by evening.

 

Well, let's see how this phase goes. I never get cocky and think "I've got this," in withdrawal.  This crap ain't over 'til it's over.

 

feel better, Coop.

[[Gr...]]

Nova,

 

Missing you, buddy, this thread ain't the same without you.  Hope you're having some good days.

 

I understand taking a break.  Lately I've been thinking, if I don't think about symptoms so much, maybe it will help.  It's hard for me to stay away too long, though.

 

Feel better.