12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Sky ... where there is one mole there are probably several others lurking ... so it is "one mole at a time" ... and you probably should whack "low and slow" ...

 

I have read somewhere that it is mole dander than causes "typing fog" ...

 

Whack On ...

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... lots of "mole fog" around here this morning ... and deep congestion ... slept several hours and feel like I am wading through mud ...

 

Oh well ... when there is mud, we can make mud pies ... I hear they don't affect anything ...

 

Have a good Tuesday ... 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... that stuff coming out of the blue ... I have often wondered if it isn't just some environmental stress response ... nothing we can "control" ... and it manifests at the point where things are lousiest right now ... random ... and that may be why they can pack such a "fear punch" ...

 

Who knows ...

[[TA...]]

Good morning buddies,

Hope you are feeling better today[/font].

Can anyone relate to frozen emotions?

Today I woke up after 8 hours of no disturbing sleep, slept without these bizarre dreams. Today no aches, no extreme fatique, no head pressure, no dizziness, no nausea, no flu. I should feel relief and be happy. But I can't. I appreciate this but I can't feel it.

Wish you a lot of healing[/font]

[[...]]

I enjoyed reading this, hope you will too.

Jrod

 

 

Freedom Ring!

by Dr. Jennifer Leigh | Jul 4, 2015 | Freedom | 0 comments

 

“Now the Lord is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17)

 

At nights when I was exhausted, I could shrug off washing my face and brushing my teeth. But for 18 years, I couldn’t shrug off swallowing a little green pill. There would be hell to pay the next day if I didn’t take it. My doctor told me, when I was in my mid-thirties, that I had a “bad brain” and I needed to take that pill every day for the rest of my life. That pill held me captive. For a long time. Getting free from it was the most horrific experience I could ever have imagined. But I’m so glad I am free!

On this great day of celebrating freedom, I celebrate four years of not having to remember to swallow a benzodiazepine. (Yeah!)

I celebrate these things that the fight for freedom and freedom itself from a benzo gave me:

1. The return of my health (the drug kept me so unhealthy!)

2. Clarity of mind

3. Juicy creativity

4. No more drug-induced anxiety/depression/panic

5. A strong sense of self

6. Knowing my purpose in life

7. Fearlessness!

8. A deep spiritual connection with God

9. Curiosity and wonder

10. Gratitude

11. Playfulness

12. Peace and serenity

If you are marching towards freedom and the road feels long and hard, please keep going. It is worth the sweat and tears. If you are free and still suffering, wondering if and when you will feel normal again, please, hold on. Your brain will right itself soon enough and you’ll be as excited about your freedom as I am about mine.

Getting free from a benzo can be extraordinarily challenging. I know. Boy, do I know. However, it is worth every moment of suffering.

Life post benzos, for me, is beyond my wildest dreams. So, so, good!

Let freedom ring!

 

I loved this, thank you!

 

 

Yes this is really encouraging and welcome to 'Who a I' my dear friend (I missed this properly on Sunday due to brain fog).  You will receive lots of support here, you will NEVER be alone  We can get out of this hole

[[be...]]

Good morning buddies,

Hope you are feeling better today[/font].

Can anyone relate to frozen emotions?

Today I woke up after 8 hours of no disturbing sleep, slept without these bizarre dreams. Today no aches, no extreme fatique, no head pressure, no dizziness, no nausea, no flu. I should feel relief and be happy. But I can't. I appreciate this but I can't feel it.

Wish you a lot of healing[/font]

 

Some good sleep you had.

 

I can definitely relate to the locked up emotions. For months I couldn't feel any emotions at all.

I would watch sad shows and love stories to try and trigger an emotion, but nothing.

I couldn't feel happy, sad or even love..it was awful.

Happy to report I'm laughing, smiling, crying, and able to feel love again.

This is all part of the healing process..but oh so hard.

 

When the heart is locked up..let it be..it will heal on it's own time.

 

Hope your low symptom day continues. Hugs.

[[be...]]

Beulah ... that stuff coming out of the blue ... I have often wondered if it isn't just some environmental stress response ... nothing we can "control" ... and it manifests at the point where things are lousiest right now ... random ... and that may be why they can pack such a "fear punch" ...

 

Who knows ...

 

I think you're right.

[[be...]]

Boo...I've had old symptoms yesterday and today....my conic jerks, lip twitches, mild nerve pain, and now head pain with hot and cold sensations. Feels like something is pushing my brain around. Also weird brain.  It's so funny how all these things just came back. They are a lot less intense but still yucky. 

 

For the first time at work I said I might need help in an apt tomorrow.  I told my jr partner that I should be good but won't know until tomorrow. Feels weird to ask but he was cool about it. 

 

I did try a little medical pot last night to see if it would help w twitches and stuff.  I only took one hit of a high CBD low THC strain. It didn't have the desired effect.  I felt really stoned and was self monitoring my body more than usual.    heart started to race and I wasn't relaxed.  Took about two hours to fade out but I'm a pro w dealing with feeling weird.

 

Just when we think we are in the clear and the old symptoms are a thing of the past.

 

These crazy healing patterns are keeping me on my toes. Yep, yucky they are.

 

Heal on!!

[[Co...]]

Nova, I see you are wearing your hip boots this morning. They do tend to slow us down when we need them, but what are you going to do when the mud is thick and deep?  .

...I hope you wade out to more solid ground. ...Some benzo flu going on here but have some things to do with my daughter today so I am determined to plough through with the hopes of things improving as the day opens up.

....Wishing you a good day Nova...coop

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... lots of "mole fog" around here this morning ... and deep congestion ... slept several hours and feel like I am wading through mud ...

 

Oh well ... when there is mud, we can make mud pies ... I hear they don't affect anything ...

 

Have a good Tuesday ... 

 

The National Weather Service is predicting Mole Fog for today. A good day to stay indoors and eat mud pie..yum yum.

 

Have the best day you can.

[[wh...]]

I enjoyed reading this, hope you will too.

Jrod

 

 

Freedom Ring!

by Dr. Jennifer Leigh | Jul 4, 2015 | Freedom | 0 comments

 

“Now the Lord is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17)

 

At nights when I was exhausted, I could shrug off washing my face and brushing my teeth. But for 18 years, I couldn’t shrug off swallowing a little green pill. There would be hell to pay the next day if I didn’t take it. My doctor told me, when I was in my mid-thirties, that I had a “bad brain” and I needed to take that pill every day for the rest of my life. That pill held me captive. For a long time. Getting free from it was the most horrific experience I could ever have imagined. But I’m so glad I am free!

On this great day of celebrating freedom, I celebrate four years of not having to remember to swallow a benzodiazepine. (Yeah!)

I celebrate these things that the fight for freedom and freedom itself from a benzo gave me:

1. The return of my health (the drug kept me so unhealthy!)

2. Clarity of mind

3. Juicy creativity

4. No more drug-induced anxiety/depression/panic

5. A strong sense of self

6. Knowing my purpose in life

7. Fearlessness!

8. A deep spiritual connection with God

9. Curiosity and wonder

10. Gratitude

11. Playfulness

12. Peace and serenity

If you are marching towards freedom and the road feels long and hard, please keep going. It is worth the sweat and tears. If you are free and still suffering, wondering if and when you will feel normal again, please, hold on. Your brain will right itself soon enough and you’ll be as excited about your freedom as I am about mine.

Getting free from a benzo can be extraordinarily challenging. I know. Boy, do I know. However, it is worth every moment of suffering.

Life post benzos, for me, is beyond my wildest dreams. So, so, good!

Let freedom ring!

 

I loved this, thank you!

 

 

Yes this is really encouraging and welcome to 'Who a I' my dear friend (I missed this properly on Sunday due to brain fog).  You will receive lots of support here, you will NEVER be alone  We can get out of this hole

 

 

Thank you marj, you've been such a good friend. I feel blessed to have met you

 

PS. I'm having a difficult time communicating so I may not be on here much, wrecking my car has put me in a tailspin and a whale of a wave......feel like "I'm not waving, I'm drowning"....

[[Co...]]

Hi Beulah.  How are you doing this morning?..  I hope it's a good day cycling around to you today.  Is your health fear qieter today?.. Happily mine is just a moderate hum this morning...in spite of some benzo flu.  .l may drop in to the Tropical Healing Abbey later.  Just wanted to say hi and wish you a better day ..  maybe with some actual food to enjoy.  coop

[[be...]]

Beulah.  I just love you. I know you are suffering with health fear, yet you are light hearted and supportive to every one...Yes, that out of the blue sharp upper belly pain is scary.How is your belly tonight?... Pass the potatoes....feel better Beulah. ...coop

 

Coop, you are to kind.

The belly pain is gone and I'm hungry..but scared to eat. I'm having a little yogurt and some toast.

The health fear is better also..but it's hanging around in the background.

 

Hope you are better today.

[[Co...]]

Tab... it's wonderful that you are free of sx today.. Everything that Beulah said..  The lack of emotions is anhedonia...it is definitely a sx of w/d and will come and go throughout w/d. Like Beulah, I have had many episodes of this.  My emotions always,come back and fall into appropriate patterns during windows. .. Enjoy your day without sx as much as you can...every respite from them gives us a second wind to go a little more distance.  coop

[[Aq...]]

Hey all,

 

It is time for my monthly update at almost 17 months off.  I wish it were good.  About a week and a half ago I thought I was coming out of this wave but it only lasted about half of a day.  This is going on about 2.5 months of this wave and it keeps getting worse   Worst symptoms:

 

• Extreme Anxiety (still)
  
• Major dizziness and head pressure (still)
  
• Constant Headaches (wearing a bite guard at night now helps a little)
  
• Nausea and gag reflex (this is new)
  
• Lethargy
  
• Fear that this will never end
  

 

I am hoping for just any break at all.  I just want to enjoy the rest of the summer while it is here.  I feel like I am back in the constant blame game.  Everything I do, i look back on and wonder if it made my symptoms worse for some reason. 

 

I am so sorry for all of you that are still suffering this far out.  It is painful.  All we can do is keep going and keep reading success stories, because what else can we do?

[[TA...]]

Beulah and Coop thank you for your answers about anhedonia,

Beulah ... it's good you belly pain is gone. This random pains are so scary. I saw you had hip pain, I had it in my left hip for almost 5 months, it's gone now.

Coop... have a nice day with daughter.

[[be...]]

Hey all,

 

It is time for my monthly update at almost 17 months off.  I wish it were good.  About a week and a half ago I thought I was coming out of this wave but it only lasted about half of a day.  This is going on about 2.5 months of this wave and it keeps getting worse   Worst symptoms:

 

• Extreme Anxiety (still)
  
• Major dizziness and head pressure (still)
  
• Constant Headaches (wearing a bite guard at night now helps a little)
  
• Nausea and gag reflex (this is new)
  
• Lethargy
  
• Fear that this will never end
  

 

I am hoping for just any break at all.  I just want to enjoy the rest of the summer while it is here.  I feel like I am back in the constant blame game.  Everything I do, i look back on and wonder if it made my symptoms worse for some reason. 

 

I am so sorry for all of you that are still suffering this far out.  It is painful.  All we can do is keep going and keep reading success stories, because what else can we do?

 

Sorry about that. The teasing of short windows sometimes leave us discouraged.

All months are hard.. but something about 17thru 19 that Windows are not happening for many people.

These mountains we climb the oceans we swim to get a window.

I hope you can rest easy in knowing that you will in time have windows.

 

Yeah, the blame game..if only I hadn't did this or that. We just feel the need to blame in all of this mess.

 

Fear, it's ugly and it lies...don't listen to it. You will heal!!!!

 

[[Aq...]]

Thanks beulah.  Much healing to you as well!

[[Co...]]

Aqua Val.  So sorry that you are stuck in limbo....If you look back through some of the recent posts you will see a sad but true common theme.....A long lasting acute like wave after the first half of year 2....I was in a relentless wave with intense sx from April-June ( months 17 -19). Green went through the same thing....Mike Jee posted the same and Jenny endured a 5 month stretch without improvements ( followed by huge improvements). ...There seems to be no help for it except to survive it with whatever faith you still have left that you will heal and it will end.....I am gradually emerging from it with some sunbreaks and some decent windows .  Some buddies report old sx returning, others talk about new sx emerging. I developed miserable reflux/breathing wierdness and cough..  but the breathing and cough are improving.

  ..It is particularly hard on us because we have been at this so long that one more period of 'acute' is just more than we can take.. it's discouraging. Keep reading HH's story.  She had one last bad wave and then healed within a couple of months of that...

......Keep it going....we are all going to heal.  Wishing you a speedy out of this one.....coop

[[Aq...]]

Thank you coop!  Really really helpful!

[[Gr...]]

Hello, Everyone

 

I had such a good trip, only crashing the last day, which I took in stride, just stayed close to the hotel, made it home, and so disappointed to NOT SLEEP last night!  I was humming like the tracks under the speeding locamotive.  I really thought the Unisom with doxy was the cure. Oh, well. I should be happy and grateful I had some decent days and could enjoy a trip, but it's so hard to give it up when it's over, like Cinderella at midnight, I guess

 

I couldn't read everything, just skimmed, seems like everyone's swimming around in the soup bowl, so I have company.

 

Trying to move my butt out the door and reclaim a part of the day.  Later!

[[dr...]]

Hi all...I slept pretty well and had dreams about my meeting which I suppose is in my unconscious.  I did all my reading on exposure therapy and felt ready for my appt.  I met with the client and we are pretty close so I told him of my situation(more of a cautionary tale of benzos).  I did the meeting and I promised myself I would not flee no matter what.  I must say my brain literally feels like it is "overheating" or something.  It is not "normal" anxiety or panic.  After my brain gets that way I feel the other symptoms.  My ears start ringing and even after my ears felt clogged.  I NEVER had anything in my life like this prejump.  This is a recent sensation that started less than a few months ago.  Before  I had anxiety and panic which was the usual stuff like sweating, racing heart, fear, etc...

 

I find client meetings the most stressful things even pre taper.  It must be my stress response is lessened but I still need to be able to function somewhat in meetings.  I felt I did okay but that feeling of brain overheating hit me towards the end of the meeting to and it made me question would I have been able to continue.  I did okay as it started to settle down as the meeting ended. 

 

I spoke to my therapist after and when he returns from vacation we are going to have "meetings" in these same conference rooms to try and habituate myself to getting comfortable in them.  He also wants me to just sit in the rooms without clients and meditate once a day.  I am all for this but I wonder how much is "me" and how much is benzos.  Whatever is going on isn't normal as my ears rang and then got very clogged.  I need to have meetings and I presume this is how my brain now responds to stressful situations until it doesn't.  UGH.   

[[be...]]

Hello, Everyone

 

I had such a good trip, only crashing the last day, which I took in stride, just stayed close to the hotel, made it home, and so disappointed to NOT SLEEP last night!  I was humming like the tracks under the speeding locamotive.  I really thought the Unisom with doxy was the cure. Oh, well. I should be happy and grateful I had some decent days and could enjoy a trip, but it's so hard to give it up when it's over, like Cinderella at midnight, I guess

 

I couldn't read everything, just skimmed, seems like everyone's swimming around in the soup bowl, so I have company.

 

Trying to move my butt out the door and reclaim a part of the day.  Later!

 

Ahh Green, so sorry. You and Jenny both had very good days. This just seems so unfair to us, like we haven't suffered enough.

Sorry the doxy isn't working for you.

Cinderella had a happy ending.

[[No...]]

Hi ... pretty lousy day ... was out for a while this morning ... and just hanging around the rest of the day ... bloated like the michelin man again ...

 

Better days are coming ... 

[[be...]]

Hi all...I slept pretty well and had dreams about my meeting which I suppose is in my unconscious.  I did all my reading on exposure therapy and felt ready for my appt.  I met with the client and we are pretty close so I told him of my situation(more of a cautionary tale of benzos).  I did the meeting and I promised myself I would not flee no matter what.  I must say my brain literally feels like it is "overheating" or something.  It is not "normal" anxiety or panic.  After my brain gets that way I feel the other symptoms.  My ears start ringing and even after my ears felt clogged.  I NEVER had anything in my life like this prejump.  This is a recent sensation that started less than a few months ago.  Before  I had anxiety and panic which was the usual stuff like sweating, racing heart, fear, etc...

 

I find client meetings the most stressful things even pre taper.  It must be my stress response is lessened but I still need to be able to function somewhat in meetings.  I felt I did okay but that feeling of brain overheating hit me towards the end of the meeting to and it made me question would I have been able to continue.  I did okay as it started to settle down as the meeting ended. 

 

I spoke to my therapist after and when he returns from vacation we are going to have "meetings" in these same conference rooms to try and habituate myself to getting comfortable in them.  He also wants me to just sit in the rooms without clients and meditate once a day.  I am all for this but I wonder how much is "me" and how much is benzos.  Whatever is going on isn't normal as my ears rang and then got very clogged.  I need to have meetings and I presume this is how my brain now responds to stressful situations until it doesn't.  UGH. 

 

drew, give yourself some credit..you did good. A mock meeting sounds like a good idea. You can converse back and fourth with the self talk.

Just the thought of a meeting would cause a panic in me, I would have to exit the room fast..but you didn't..you hung in there.

 

Give yourself a pat on the back.  Rest easy.