12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Siggy....I am so glad that you have a wife who "worries " about you. Having that kind of support makes such a huge difference. ...how lovely to have someone sit up with you through a bad time.. and watch the sun come up...Wishing you a better night tonight.    coop

[[Co...]]

Benzotired.....I am really sorry that you are still suffering so much in month 24....All the sx sound familiar...It's such a long circular trek. ...Coming off 2 medications can not be easy.

..I hope you start seeing some consistent improvements no matter how small. ....Ashton says we all heal and most of the time really believe that, but I have had many doubtful days..

...Hold on BT.  Better days are coming your way.  coop

[[Be...]]

Benzotired.....I am really sorry that you are still suffering so much in month 24....All the sx sound familiar...It's such a long circular trek. ...Coming off 2 medications can not be easy.

..I hope you start seeing some consistent improvements no matter how small. ....Ashton says we all heal and most of the time really believe that, but I have had many doubtful days..

...Hold on BT.  Better days are coming your way.  coop

 

Cooper-  Thanks for your input.  I think that my symptoms are mostly from the nasty Remeron.  It's only been 9 months since i finished that taper.  My symptoms became very intense once I stopped the Remeron, but who knows if it had been masking the Klonopin WD?    I know that the insomnia set in right after stopping the Remeron.    Does anyone know anyone with Remeron experience who might have some insight into its' wd symptoms?

 

Thanks.

[[be...]]

Hey Benzotired, their is a remeron withdrawal thread under support groups. Maybe you could take a look at it. Sorry you have so much going on..as if benzo withdrawal isn't enough.

 

[[...]]

Coop – I’m so pleased you managed to sort your lease out. I was a bit worried about you, wondering how this had affected you. Can’t believe the things that some of us have had to deal with in wd. Things that would sent the calmest person into a frenzy. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. It’s nice to have you back with all your generous encouragement.

 

I managed to get some sleep last night after a horrible day of sx, the worst being the tightest neck and upper back I have ever had.

I had to go to a mind numbingly boring work event this morning which I was dreading. I just had to keep telling myself I was ok and was not going to freak out and try to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Anyway it’s over now and I’m back at my desk being hit by massive fatigue, tight neck, head pressure and fog  (didn’t have it while there). I’m going to go for my walk soon, I’m hopeful it will help. Honestly this experience is like being a prisoner in your own head and body. You know you’re in there somewhere and you just want to get out. Sometimes I get really angry with myself for having all this nastiness going on. This is when crying helps I think.

 

[[Co...]]

Marj..."prisoner of my head"  so many of use describe our mental sx in exactly those words. ...Me too.. Intrusive thoughts just want to crowd out the rational. Wake ups are my most challenging time. It fades after I have been up for awhile but sometimes cycles in and out through the day. ...I have huge respect for you ....going through this and working...You have some great mind coping strategies in place, that's going to get you through.

.....Yes, I was so relieved to keep my lease. My complex is pretty corporate with a very big business bottom line so having residents leave over rent increases is just part of the everyday transactions. The management staff is very nice but the corporate office is very removed from the people side of things. ....I would leave if it were not for the excellent outdoor environment which  is exceptionally natural and beautiful...and very accessible for people who use wheelchairs like me. Paved walking trails and sidewalks all throughout.....so I will do whatever it takes to stay here. .

.....Keep doing what you are doing Marj, it is working for you and you are well on your way to healing..  .coop

[[Co...]]

Well, today begins month 20 for me....I think it will show better improvements as I don't think anything could be as bad as months 17-19...I keep thinking of Jenny who had 5 straight months of depression and anxiety and then.....practically just walked out of it in a matter of weeks. HH had a similar month 21/22 healing....

  ..I am still living with some sx and some wavy days but nothing like March- June. This thread has been my absolute anchor ..  The support here is pure unconditional compassion and encouragement..  exactly what we need to get from one day to the next. I am so grateful to all my friends here who have walked every day with me.  Wishing everyone big sunbreaks, windows and healing.  coop

[[be...]]

Hey Coop, congrats on month 20. So happy you are seeing better days and I agree..I think the worst months are behind you now.

Glad you got that straightened out about your apartment..one less worry..we don't need any more.

Hope you enjoy your fourth with the grandsons.

 

I know some of you are to symptomatic to take part in the July 4th festivities, but remember..it won't always be like this...it's all temporary.

I wish you all wide open windows with much healing .

 

[[dr...]]

Great news on the apt coop and another month further away from benzos. 

 

Did my morning hike just no jogging today.  Cog fog and spacey brain arrived on schedule at 10:30.  Fading now.  Have a good day all

[[je...]]

Hi Coop,

My baseline is still holding, I'm afraid I'm jinxing myself by saying I feel really well.. Last night I got some nerve pain in my limbs, but it was nothing I mean nothing compared to what I use to endure. Your a little behind me, so I hope you get a break soon! Glad to hear everything with your lease worked out

 

Drew,

I'm jealous of your hike, I haven't been able to do any outdoor exercise because its so freaking hot here! I can't wait to start hiking again, being outside always lifts my mood a bit too. Good job 

[[be...]]

Jenny, I am holding onto your every word, especially how your nerve pain just left. I still struggle with it..but like you..not half as bad as it used to be.

Keep shining the light!!!! Hugs

[[Co...]]

Hi buddies .  Just a check in....MO th 20 came in with an all day window.. .just a little morning wake up cortisol....but the entire day has been so good. I went grocery shopping and felt 100% normal....enjoyed ....enjoyed just shopping...no feeling of " I can do this 5 more minutes and then I have to get out of here".  No real anxiety and the health fears are pretty quiet.I even went in and got my hair trimmed...I had lunch with my daughter and got a little over confident and had a few french fries and some sprite with my lunch which was just a grilled chicken sandwhich with no anything on it.....I paid for the fries and sprite with upper belly pain.  It wasn't worth it...

....I was able to take a little nap and had a few minutes of toxic wake up but it faded quickly..  My energy is not great but I was so happy all day.  My grandsons came to go swimming and have a hoagie picnic .. ( those boys have some kind of NYC karma.... they are all about hogies)  I was getting tired but had the very best time just being with them

.....Settling in now..  my body hurts....but my heart is so happy.

Today I am encouraged again....It seems like my windows are showing up again and my baseline feels like a good 80%....If it would all go away tomorrow and never come back I would settle for 80%....

......I am taking the Gaviscon 2/3 times a day....a little more than a teaspoon at at a time. I noticed that it's main ingredient is magnesium glycanate....I am wondering if the magnesium is helping me some with calming. The other ingredient is aluminum....not such a good thing I am guessing, but I am not googling it..

......Wishing everyone a peaceful night with good sleep and good tomorrows....

 

......GREEN... if you are lurking....hope your trip is going along with fun and little or no sx....can't wait to read your posts when you get back on the thread..

.......NOVA.....thinking of you ....hope your day was good without the Benzo flu or cycling anxiety...

.......JENNY....You are a bright star of hope....like Beulah, I am holding on to your posts with both hands.  I think you are there girlie....I still can't believe that you just walked right out of a 5 month killer wave..  You so deserve this...

. ...I am off to bed.  Sleep well all.  .see you in the morning.  coop

[[He...]]

Hi guys! Happy early 4th of July!

I realized that I have passed the 2 year mark!!    It came and went (on July 1st) without me even THINKING about the date or benzos or withdrawal.  Whoo-hoooo!!!  I remember writing some time ago that I would know I was healed when I wasn't thinking about benzos and my progress with my withdrawal regularly.  It really does happen....it actually will leave your thoughts for large chunks of time.  YOU GUYS will pop into my mind from time to time, like old friends do, but not so much the withdrawal and what I went through.  This is wonderful to me because for a long while I was so consumed by everything withdrawal.  I know it was because I was so miserable and afraid, but I couldn't be away from my phone (BenzoBuddies), I could barely hold a conversation about anything "normal", I knew how long I had been off Klonopin almost to the hour. 

 

Instead, here is some of life now  :

My college roommate, from 20 years ago, and her two young sons stayed at my house for 3 nights this week.  We went on many daytime adventures, like visiting Crater Lake, we stayed up late talking and laughing, we drank some excellent crafty beer.  I was calm, ZERO anxiety, and I enjoyed it all!  We haven't had anyone stay at our house for years.  It would have been way too stressful for me and my anxiety would have been through the roof. 

 

My family, along with 2 of my girls' friends, spent the day today enjoying a mountain lake.  Once again, I left my phone at the house and was perfectly fine without it.  No anxiety, just joy with my family.  Lots of laughter. 

 

It's wonderful to be through this terrible journey! I don't want you to think that I'm 100% symptom free yet, but I'm probably at 98%....and the remaining 2% is a shadow of what it used to be.  It's so neat to have AUTHENTIC joy back! 

 

Love to you all!!

HH

[[je...]]

Thank you for sharing HH!! You have come so far, and its so great to hear your still making improvements. Thank you for coming back, I love getting these updates from you. Miss u, Jenny

[[Ko...]]

HH - so good to hear you've finally healed and its  holding. Thank you for coming back & posting. It gives me hope.

 

Coop - so glad you worked out staying in your place. Glad to hear you're getting more windows. That's a very good sign. I started month 20 yesterday, so I hope it brings relief.

 

Jenny - good news from you too. It's all very hopeful.

 

I've been in a Tsunami for the past week.  I do get a couple of hours without pain, but damn it, it comes back.  It seems most of my symptoms are physical, whereas most of you seem to have mostly mental symptoms.  Interesting how we're all different.

 

Hope all of you my dear Buddies have a wonderful 4th of July along with a huge window.

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Coop, I'm doing a happy dance for you. You had  a"coming out party" 

 

HH- Thank you for your continued stories of encouragement, we need those!!

 

Nova- Thinking of you buddy.

 

Kobe- I hear you about the physical pain..it's where I'm at. The mental symptoms are mostly gone and I'm stuck with the pain. People that don't have the withdrawal pain don't understand what we are going through, just like we don't have the mental pain they suffer. I have had my share of both and while they are both bad..the physical just grinds you to a halt.

Stay encouraged that this is temporary, healing is taking it's good ole time.

 

Happy Independence Day!!

 

 

[[Co...]]

Beulah, ...I agree, the physical stuff is a beatch. ..I am still getting the reflux /cough throughout the day.. eating mostly smoothies...nausea in the morning. If it were not for that and the morning wake up intrusive thoughts I could call my baseline 85%.....I am sorry that the physical pain is still hounding you....I am wishing you a sun break day..  Are you celebrating today?

.  ..Korbe... so sorry you are in the soup today.  This is such a brutal process.  Hold on ....better days are coming your way...go easy...slow and low as Beulah says. Sending you support and wishes to you for some breaks from it today..

.......HH... I love hearing of your return to a full happy life. It is what we are all hoping for and your posts are keeping us moving forward. Thank you so much for taking the time from your happy normal life to encourage us....so happy for you...

.....Nova...good morning.  Thinking of you ...Wishing you a goid day with sunbreaks...

[[...]]

Hello and happy independance day to all my American buddies 

There is a lot of positive on here for which I am hanging onto. Coop well done on getting to 20 months, how lovely you were able to enjoy it. This just shows what you have to come. I hope your window stays open. HH update is amazing, I so long to be there as we all do. Jenny I am really pleased you are still in a good place, the way things have turned so quicky is keeping me hanging on.  To the others who are in the soup so to speak, stay strong, we can do this.

 

Today I am worried there is something wrong with my neck or the top of my back. It is feeding all my other symptoms and really getting me down. It is affecting my ears,  my jaw and head. I just feelheavy and fatigued. It is the weekend again and I wanted to garden or potter and just so exhausted, this is so frustrating it feels like tantrum time again. Cant imagine ever having any energy again when like this. Sorry Im venting again. I just havent had any windows that last more than a few hours, maybe im just impatient.

[[be...]]

Beulah, ...I agree, the physical stuff is a beatch. ..I am still getting the reflux /cough throughout the day.. eating mostly smoothies...nausea in the morning. If it were not for that and the morning wake up intrusive thoughts I could call my baseline 85%.....I am sorry that the physical pain is still hounding you....I am wishing you a sun break day..  Are you celebrating today?

.  ..Korbe... so sorry you are in the soup today.  This is such a brutal process.  Hold on ....better days are coming your way...go easy...slow and low as Beulah says. Sending you support and wishes to you for some breaks from it today..

.......HH... I love hearing of your return to a full happy life. It is what we are all hoping for and your posts are keeping us moving forward. Thank you so much for taking the time from your happy normal life to encourage us....so happy for you...

.....Nova...good morning.  Thinking of you ...Wishing you a goid day with sunbreaks...

 

Coop, Yes..the physical is so hard to deal with. Of course, everything in withdrawal is hard, but we all have those few symptoms that hold us hostage from living our healed lives.

 

No, I don't have any plans for today. I'm sitting this one out, I overdid on Wednesday and I'm still paying for it.

I have a family reunion coming up later in the month and I really want and need to go to it. I'm keeping as low and slow as possible till then.

 

You are sounding so good!!! Keep healing!!!! Hugs.

 

 

 

 

[[be...]]

Hello and happy independance day to all my American buddies 

There is a lot of positive on here for which I am hanging onto. Coop well done on getting to 20 months, how lovely you were able to enjoy it. This just shows what you have to come. I hope your window stays open. HH update is amazing, I so long to be there as we all do. Jenny I am really pleased you are still in a good place, the way things have turned so quicky is keeping me hanging on.  To the others who are in the soup so to speak, stay strong, we can do this.

 

Today I am worried there is something wrong with my neck or the top of my back. It is feeding all my other symptoms and really getting me down. It is affecting my ears,  my jaw and head. I just feelheavy and fatigued. It is the weekend again and I wanted to garden or potter and just so exhausted, this is so frustrating it feels like tantrum time again. Cant imagine ever having any energy again when like this. Sorry Im venting again. I just havent had any windows that last more than a few hours, maybe im just impatient.

 

 

 

Mari, Vent on!!!!!! That's what we do here, it's therapeutic for us, because we understand.

I underestand the traveling neck pain and the heaviness in the body, it comes and goes for me.

 

Pottering in the garden..ahhh..sounds so nice. Maybe later in the evening your symptoms will be lower and you can potter away. Evening is when I do all of my " need to do stuff" because I feel more normal.

 

Do what makes you happy today. Heal on!!

 

[[...]]

I enjoyed reading this, hope you will too.

Jrod

 

 

Freedom Ring!

by Dr. Jennifer Leigh | Jul 4, 2015 | Freedom | 0 comments

 

“Now the Lord is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17)

 

At nights when I was exhausted, I could shrug off washing my face and brushing my teeth. But for 18 years, I couldn’t shrug off swallowing a little green pill. There would be hell to pay the next day if I didn’t take it. My doctor told me, when I was in my mid-thirties, that I had a “bad brain” and I needed to take that pill every day for the rest of my life. That pill held me captive. For a long time. Getting free from it was the most horrific experience I could ever have imagined. But I’m so glad I am free!

On this great day of celebrating freedom, I celebrate four years of not having to remember to swallow a benzodiazepine. (Yeah!)

I celebrate these things that the fight for freedom and freedom itself from a benzo gave me:

1. The return of my health (the drug kept me so unhealthy!)

2. Clarity of mind

3. Juicy creativity

4. No more drug-induced anxiety/depression/panic

5. A strong sense of self

6. Knowing my purpose in life

7. Fearlessness!

8. A deep spiritual connection with God

9. Curiosity and wonder

10. Gratitude

11. Playfulness

12. Peace and serenity

If you are marching towards freedom and the road feels long and hard, please keep going. It is worth the sweat and tears. If you are free and still suffering, wondering if and when you will feel normal again, please, hold on. Your brain will right itself soon enough and you’ll be as excited about your freedom as I am about mine.

Getting free from a benzo can be extraordinarily challenging. I know. Boy, do I know. However, it is worth every moment of suffering.

Life post benzos, for me, is beyond my wildest dreams. So, so, good!

Let freedom ring!

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

 

CARL GUSTAV JUNG

 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... just getting worn down ... the physical stuff ... not terrible ... just almost constant ... no real breaks ...

 

And any stress seems to set things off pretty loud for a couple of hours ...

 

And my mood really sucks ... which I am not very fond of ...

 

So ... low and slow and quiet ...

 

Sorry I haven't been very active lately ...

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi buddies .  Just a check in....MO th 20 came in with an all day window.. .just a little morning wake up cortisol....but the entire day has been so good. I went grocery shopping and felt 100% normal....enjoyed ....enjoyed just shopping...no feeling of " I can do this 5 more minutes and then I have to get out of here".  No real anxiety and the health fears are pretty quiet.I even went in and got my hair trimmed...I had lunch with my daughter and got a little over confident and had a few french fries and some sprite with my lunch which was just a grilled chicken sandwhich with no anything on it.....I paid for the fries and sprite with upper belly pain.  It wasn't worth it...

....I was able to take a little nap and had a few minutes of toxic wake up but it faded quickly..  My energy is not great but I was so happy all day.  My grandsons came to go swimming and have a hoagie picnic .. ( those boys have some kind of NYC karma.... they are all about hogies)  I was getting tired but had the very best time just being with them

.....Settling in now..  my body hurts....but my heart is so happy.

Today I am encouraged again....It seems like my windows are showing up again and my baseline feels like a good 80%....If it would all go away tomorrow and never come back I would settle for 80%....

......I am taking the Gaviscon 2/3 times a day....a little more than a teaspoon at at a time. I noticed that it's main ingredient is magnesium glycanate....I am wondering if the magnesium is helping me some with calming. The other ingredient is aluminum....not such a good thing I am guessing, but I am not googling it..

......Wishing everyone a peaceful night with good sleep and good tomorrows....

 

......GREEN... if you are lurking....hope your trip is going along with fun and little or no sx....can't wait to read your posts when you get back on the thread..

.......NOVA.....thinking of you ....hope your day was good without the Benzo flu or cycling anxiety...

.......JENNY....You are a bright star of hope....like Beulah, I am holding on to your posts with both hands.  I think you are there girlie....I still can't believe that you just walked right out of a 5 month killer wave..  You so deserve this...

. ...I am off to bed.  Sleep well all.  .see you in the morning.  coop

 

Coop, so great to hear this news.

 

You were happy all day, how great is that ? And again, thanks for telling us all about it, we really needed it !

[[Sk...]]

I enjoyed reading this, hope you will too.

Jrod

 

 

Freedom Ring!

by Dr. Jennifer Leigh | Jul 4, 2015 | Freedom | 0 comments

 

“Now the Lord is the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17)

 

At nights when I was exhausted, I could shrug off washing my face and brushing my teeth. But for 18 years, I couldn’t shrug off swallowing a little green pill. There would be hell to pay the next day if I didn’t take it. My doctor told me, when I was in my mid-thirties, that I had a “bad brain” and I needed to take that pill every day for the rest of my life. That pill held me captive. For a long time. Getting free from it was the most horrific experience I could ever have imagined. But I’m so glad I am free!

On this great day of celebrating freedom, I celebrate four years of not having to remember to swallow a benzodiazepine. (Yeah!)

I celebrate these things that the fight for freedom and freedom itself from a benzo gave me:

1. The return of my health (the drug kept me so unhealthy!)

2. Clarity of mind

3. Juicy creativity

4. No more drug-induced anxiety/depression/panic

5. A strong sense of self

6. Knowing my purpose in life

7. Fearlessness!

8. A deep spiritual connection with God

9. Curiosity and wonder

10. Gratitude

11. Playfulness

12. Peace and serenity

If you are marching towards freedom and the road feels long and hard, please keep going. It is worth the sweat and tears. If you are free and still suffering, wondering if and when you will feel normal again, please, hold on. Your brain will right itself soon enough and you’ll be as excited about your freedom as I am about mine.

Getting free from a benzo can be extraordinarily challenging. I know. Boy, do I know. However, it is worth every moment of suffering.

Life post benzos, for me, is beyond my wildest dreams. So, so, good!

Let freedom ring!

 

 

Thanks Jrod, very inspiring on a hard day like today !

 

And everybody, have a wonderful 4th of July !