12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Siggy ... 6 out of 7 ain't too shabby ... and yes, every time we get a "flat tire" we can feel this is never going to end ... and feel that it is ruining everything ...

 

You have gotten out of this mental space before and you will again ... we can still enjoy things going slow ... 

 

 

[[je...]]

Sorry siggy, the not sleeping thing is very frustrating. It sounds like you are making some improvements though, it will get better. Jenny

[[...]]

Siggy, It’s awful when you can’t get sleep. You go to bed exhausted thinking you’re bound to get a good night, but no. I can’t remember the last time I had a really good nights sleep and the little I’ve had this week has been toxic. Just imagine when we can sleep again. It will be pure bliss.

[[...]]

Nova, low and slow is a must today. The thing is when I feel I can do things, I tend to overdo it as it’s unpredictable when it will happen again. I seem to be having an intermittent pattern of miserableness. Hopefully tomorrow will be better for us.  It’s good to see you back even if you’re as miserable as me  Yes it will pass 

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... hope your little fella is getting better ...

 

Be Well ...

[[Si...]]

Thanks everyone. I know everyone has their issues too, so I do appreciate the nice words. Sometimes after I have a 0 sleep night, the next day can be somewhat ok. Sometimes it's not good at all. I read 2 Nat Geo magazines last night. My wife woke up around 3:30am and was worried about me. So we stayed up to watch the sun rise. She went back to bed after that though. She has been one of the few things that even make this somewhat tolerable. I have a Dr appt in a few weeks to test thyroid and other stuff to see if there may be something else going on. I have several family members with thyroid issues.

[[dr...]]

good morning all....

 

Hope everyone deep in the soup can claw there way to the side of the pan and climb out(or at least float an ingredient or two )

 

I am in my wave but it really isn't bad...much less intensity but still annoying.  Been off since my jog on Saturday but back to doing light exercise. 

 

Does anyone else get hit almost like clockwork with symptoms within the wave?  Everday my head goes spacey or weird feeling around 10am and then again around dinner time.  It is hard for me to think and my cog fog is off the charts.  It ramps up quickly and the first half hour is the hardest.  it is then a slow fade as my cognitive abilites return and then I am ok.  usually about an hour total.  Also, if a wave is bad, crazy thoughts and fear can kick in. Luckily, not the case hear...on a wave intesity scale I am a 2-3 instead of a 8.  Guess that's healing....less intense and fewer symptoms.

[[Se...]]

Talking back to suicidal thoughts all morning.  They come to me above the hissing din of the tinnitus.  I no longer worry about heaven and hell because I'm already in hell.  Hell is in the mind, created by the ravages of these drugs.  Yesterday I visited my 83 yr. old mother who has dementia.  We were a good pair with our respective memory lapses and failing cognition.

 

Hanging in for one more day.

[[dr...]]

Hi Serenity...one thing that helps with those intrusive thoughts sometimes is I say "thank you brain for that thought....let's move on"  I acknowledge it and give it no weight in my reality. 

[[Se...]]

Hi Serenity...one thing that helps with those intrusive thoughts sometimes is I say "thank you brain for that thought....let's move on"  I acknowledge it and give it no weight in my reality.

 

I do that, too, drew.  It's a good skill to develop, for sure.  This tinnitus and hearing/ear stuff is what truly challenges, above all else.  It always has.  It never seems to want to move on, unlike every other symptom, which will wax and wane.  I suppose everyone has his least-favorite symptom at any given time.  Sigh.  Thanks for your feedback, buddy. 

[[No...]]

Drew ... I used to have a 4 pm issue almost every day ... lasted about three hours total ... doesn't seem to happen anymore ...

[[No...]]

Serenity ... ah ... my least favourite symptom ... hmmm ... guess I don't have one 'cause I don't "appreciate" any of them ... 

 

My tinnitus is of long standing, probably pre-benzos ... too many hockey pucks in the head a long time ago ... and I once did get wacked with a baseball bat because I moved too fast as a catcher ... nimble and not very bright ...

 

The most interesting thing with my tinnitus is when I think I am picking up a radio station ... no fooling ... sometimes I think I can hear one ... always some talk show like the old As It Happens or the old Quirks And Quarks on Saturday morning ...

 

Weird stuff sometimes ...

 

Hope things settle out for you ... 

[[Gr...]]

Hello, everyone!

 

A little update.  The day before my trip, I slept not ONE WINK!  So I just got up at 6 and made the coffee. Got to the airport, on the plane, rented a car, dealt with the GPS and bad directions, and I'm here in Atlanta.  I made it.

 

Yesterday I was struggling from 0 sleep, so I had dinner and called it an early night.  Last night I felt pretty bad with benzo flu and exhaustion.  Took a Unisom with doxy and slept.  Got up today, made it to Jonesboro for a Gone With The Wind Tour.  Tonight I'm shooting for dinner and fireworks at Centennial Park, which involves a metro (I'm hesitant to drive into the city, because of parking and traffic, but I may change my mind, public transportation is more stressful, I think)

 

If I don't sleep, I'm in terrible shape.  Thank goodness I slept last night.  Day at a time.

 

Going to check out the pool.

 

Cheers, everyone!  I shall return!

 

Anyway, I'm not great, but I'm doing and I'm going, slo-mo, but steady.

[[Sk...]]

Hello, everyone!

 

A little update.  The day before my trip, I slept not ONE WINK!  So I just got up at 6 and made the coffee. Got to the airport, on the plane, rented a car, dealt with the GPS and bad directions, and I'm here in Atlanta.  I made it.

 

Yesterday I was struggling from 0 sleep, so I had dinner and called it an early night.  Last night I felt pretty bad with benzo flu and exhaustion.  Took a Unisom with doxy and slept.  Got up today, made it to Jonesboro for a Gone With The Wind Tour.  Tonight I'm shooting for dinner and fireworks at Centennial Park, which involves a metro (I'm hesitant to drive into the city, because of parking and traffic, but I may change my mind, public transportation is more stressful, I think)

 

If I don't sleep, I'm in terrible shape.  Thank goodness I slept last night.  Day at a time.

 

Going to check out the pool.

 

Cheers, everyone!  I shall return!

 

Anyway, I'm not great, but I'm doing and I'm going, slo-mo, but steady.

 

Yay! You are there ! And you are  smart to be cautious, how many tricks you have learned, haven't you ?

 

Look forward to hear your updates !

[[Sk...]]

Talking back to suicidal thoughts all morning.  They come to me above the hissing din of the tinnitus.  I no longer worry about heaven and hell because I'm already in hell.  Hell is in the mind, created by the ravages of these drugs.  Yesterday I visited my 83 yr. old mother who has dementia.  We were a good pair with our respective memory lapses and failing cognition.

 

Hanging in for one more day.

 

Serenity, all I can say is, hang in there.

 

You talk about the ravages of the mind. If it makes you feel better, it's the ravages of the brain. It's your brain that is hurt and healing, not your mind.

 

Only reason I say this, is that this thought gave me some comfort and distance, when I was really bad.

 

I think it's great that you go and visit your mother, even when you are feeling so sick.

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Thanks everyone. I know everyone has their issues too, so I do appreciate the nice words. Sometimes after I have a 0 sleep night, the next day can be somewhat ok. Sometimes it's not good at all. I read 2 Nat Geo magazines last night. My wife woke up around 3:30am and was worried about me. So we stayed up to watch the sun rise. She went back to bed after that though. She has been one of the few things that even make this somewhat tolerable. I have a Dr appt in a few weeks to test thyroid and other stuff to see if there may be something else going on. I have several family members with thyroid issues.

 

Siggy, not sleeping is awful, it just makes you feel so, so much sicker. Not  to mention the mental symptoms get out of control.

 

I love that you were able to get something nice out of it, that moment watching the sun rise with your wife. You are lucky to have her close to you in wd.

 

Let us know the thryoid tests go. 

[[Sk...]]

good morning all....

 

Hope everyone deep in the soup can claw there way to the side of the pan and climb out(or at least float an ingredient or two )

 

I am in my wave but it really isn't bad...much less intensity but still annoying.  Been off since my jog on Saturday but back to doing light exercise. 

 

Does anyone else get hit almost like clockwork with symptoms within the wave?  Everday my head goes spacey or weird feeling around 10am and then again around dinner time.  It is hard for me to think and my cog fog is off the charts.  It ramps up quickly and the first half hour is the hardest.  it is then a slow fade as my cognitive abilites return and then I am ok.  usually about an hour total.  Also, if a wave is bad, crazy thoughts and fear can kick in. Luckily, not the case hear...on a wave intesity scale I am a 2-3 instead of a 8.  Guess that's healing....less intense and fewer symptoms.

 

Drew, you are right, I could set an alarm clock and it would not be as precise and punctual as some symptoms of mine.

 

That is just scary !

[[Sk...]]

I am about to log off.

 

Many seem not to be too well today. All except Green who is partying and living it up in Atlanta. 

 

Unfortunately, I have to add my name to the list, I am feeling really bad. It's been an odd few days.

 

The usual suspects are here, don't even know why I bother mentioning them.  Vibrations, very intense, palps, bad, bad thoughts, catastrophic thoughts and my eyes are failing on me.

 

The bad, intrusive thoughts, the catastrophic thoughts, they usually take turns but today, they are doing a duet inside my head. 

 

And some mild paranoia, the missing touch. A wave combo !

 

I had a crying jag earlier, it made me feel better, but it did not last. I have been a little challenged when it comes to crying.

 

I think I am off to bed now, enough complaining, rest of some kind might be better at this point.

 

Maybe tomorrow will bring better  news. 

 

Hope you all get some relief in the next hours. The heat is not helping, is it ?

 

Heal on, everybody.

[[...]]

I am about to log off.

 

Many seem not to be too well today. All except Green who is partying and living it up in Atlanta. 

 

Unfortunately, I have to add my name to the list, I am feeling really bad. It's been an odd few days.

 

The usual suspects are here, don't even know why I bother mentioning them.  Vibrations, very intense, palps, bad, bad thoughts, catastrophic thoughts and my eyes are failing on me.

 

The bad, intrusive thoughts, the catastrophic thoughts, they usually take turns but today, they are doing a duet inside my head. 

 

And some mild paranoia, the missing touch. A wave combo !

 

I had a crying jag earlier, it made me feel better, but it did not last. I have been a little challenged when it comes to crying.

 

I think I am off to bed now, enough complaining, rest of some kind might be better at this point.

 

Maybe tomorrow will bring better  news. 

 

Hope you all get some relief in the next hours. The heat is not helping, is it ?

 

Heal on, everybody.

 

 

Sky, yes we all seem to be sickly today. I get sick of complaining too, although you would never guess  I'm glad to see you on here but wish you didn't have so much yuk going on. Hope you feel better soon. Actually you WILL feel better tomorrow. We have heat here in UK, phew, makes it much harder. 

[[No...]]

Sky ... we just keep going ... hope you have a good rest ... 

[[be...]]

Oh my goodness, looks like so many are in the soup...sorry everyone.

I think I over did it yesterday with all of the zoo activities, my muscles don't like me today.

I've been clenching my teeth all day waiting for the unwanted visitor...benzo beast, so far no knocks on the door.

Just trying to keep the rest of the day low and slow without any unwanted visitors.

 

Hope you all feel better. I'm thinking of you.

[[Si...]]

Thanks everyone. I know everyone has their issues too, so I do appreciate the nice words. Sometimes after I have a 0 sleep night, the next day can be somewhat ok. Sometimes it's not good at all. I read 2 Nat Geo magazines last night. My wife woke up around 3:30am and was worried about me. So we stayed up to watch the sun rise. She went back to bed after that though. She has been one of the few things that even make this somewhat tolerable. I have a Dr appt in a few weeks to test thyroid and other stuff to see if there may be something else going on. I have several family members with thyroid issues.

 

Siggy, not sleeping is awful, it just makes you feel so, so much sicker. Not  to mention the mental symptoms get out of control.

 

I love that you were able to get something nice out of it, that moment watching the sun rise with your wife. You are lucky to have her close to you in wd.

 

Let us know the thryoid tests go. 

 

Thanks Sky. Sorry you weren't feeling great too. More of my family shows up tomorrow. So hopefully I won't be in the same miserable state I am today. The wife and I helpd my mom clean up  and then set up a new umbrella for the outside picnic table. Then we sat outside with my mom for a few hours looking at the ocean feeling the breeze. I'll report back about the thyroid stuff. I hate to say it but I kind of hope that it is he thyroid causing this. I know it's terrible, but at least more fixable than this crap.

[[Be...]]

Hi  all,

 

I am now 24 months off Klonopoin and 9 months off Remeron.  Still very symptomatic with deep sickening dizziness, nausea, stomach pain after eating, anxiety, lots of muscle pains,spasms,  cold sensitivity, hearing and light sensitivity, insomnia.  I noticed a little bit less dizziness that past two days.  Maybe things are starting to abate?  I've had no windows this whole time. I still have the "air Hunger" which is just awful and makes sleep pretty tough without some MJ help.  I've tried vistaril, inderol, clonidine, and other supplements, but I over react to everything and they all make me worse.  I sleep with them, but the next day is just not worth it.

 

I've been using MJ for sleep with mixed results for the past 9 months since I finished the Remeron taper..  Until recently.  I revisited edibles again, as the last time I used them they made me racey so I stopped.  Now, however, it seems different.  I used indica pastries and have now slept 7-9 hours for 10 nights in a row.!!  This is pretty unusual as most MJ products seem to work sporadically for just for a couple of nights  , so this is pretty unusual. Maybe it's just my time to begin  to sleep again?  Does anyone have any idea when natural sleep may begin to return?    If I could get consistent sleep without having the bedtime fears, I could cope much better with all the other stuff.  I sort of feel like at 9 months off Remeron and two years off Klonopin, that some of the symptoms may be lessening.

 

I always have the full head, brain fog, dizziness daily with nausea most of the time.  The anxiety was my constant companion but in the past few days, it seems less constant.  Maybe actual sleep is helping my sleep deprived body after 9 months of sleep deprivation?  I don't know how long this sleeping streak will last, but I'm cherishing it for now.

 

Any thoughts?  Thanks.  BT.

[[Co...]]

Hi buddies.  Back to check in...My lease disaster was averted. I negotiated with my management company and in so doing discovered that I am eligible for ' elderly /disabled'  pu her that will cover the increase..  Whew..  that whole thing was too stressful, but ironically the stress of it totally pulled my head to the forefront out of my sx... negotiating and applying for the voucher was 8 straight hours of dealing with people who held my future in thier hands.  Pretty spacey today but saved from  being out of my apartment.

. ...WOW....there is so much good going on here.

..BEULAH.  I am so happy for your very good zoo day.  Hotdogs and rootbeer..  walking miles through the zoo. And did you turn 22 months.  Congratulations Beulah on walking such a long walk of w/d with grace humor and huge patience and steadfastness.  Wishing you days and days just like that.

....NOVA.  Happy to see you back on. I hear you on the cycling present sx in the midst of good improvement. The up and down of that is exhausting.  I am in the same place... so much better, but intrusive health fear continues but not 24/7 these past few days. Carry on. 

.....GREEN!!.    Mercy.  Look at you... There you are on your trip and more than surviving. You are living HH's trip story.  I am thrilled....over the moon thrilled for you.  I hope you enjoy every second of it.. It just amazes me that you have been driving all through w/d. You are beyond brave sx sister.  Keep us posted.

  JENNY...are you ever sounding healed. I hang on your every post. It was 2 months ago that you were drowning in a 5 month wave of anxiety and depression.    Jenny, I could not be happier for you...I know you are not ready to write a success story yet, but I feel it coming. Your improvement is encouragement gold to me as I experience the heart gripping anxiety that you did. You give me such hope that it is ongoing w/d and not a prediction for the rest of my life.  Love to you..

.....DREW.  You continue to sound so good. I know the head sx are still messing with you....I am also still getting head sensations, pushing sensations on my temples, morning headaches, pain behind my eyes and sensitive scalp. ...and Yes, I get predictable bouts of anxiety.  it's either 2/3 hours between 10- 12 or 3-6 or so in the afternoon. Today I didn't have any anxiety and was pretty much in a window except for being spacey until 430.  It was intense for only about an hour.

Like you, I still get the cement head with d/r and cog fog, but so much less....Keep cooking Drew..  you are improving every day....I love your check ins ...

....SKY....We are getting there jump buddy. I know we both have persistent sx, but I see it in your posts ...the improvement. I see it in your writing...you tell us stories now and I love the images of your life ..  I am experiencing the every other good day/bad day as well. One day is a near window, the next day acute.  It wears me out physically and mentally, but the good days are getting more like consistent sunbreaks. 

.....MARJ.....Glad to hear the ' mole toss' is dying down...lol...I really couldn't help but laugh at that story. We really can not trust our emotions on a bad day. You are really tough and determined....You earned that toss over of the mole.  .I guess that's something I had not considered until your mole story, ' don't mess with a person in w/d'..  thank you for being on the thread with us and supporting us along the way of your trek.

......DOLPHIN.... you are going to get through this...it can be such torture and some days can feel like years. You are in a good place here on the thread. I can tell you that most if not all of us have been exactly where you are. Most of us have not seen consistent improvements until mid way through the second year, but as you can see, we now have frequent posts of healing and gradually picking up the lost pieces of ourselves and our lives.  You are going to heal...just like Green told us months and months ago, " nobody gets left behind"..

......I know I have left out a bunch of posts, but I only went back so far...will be following in the next few days.. Wishing everyone sunbreaks and windows.  Happy 4th of July to everyone who lives in the states...I may double up on the Gaviscon and have hotdogs and s'mores with my grandsons.  They have big plans to go downtown to our huge city center park ( The Worlds Fair was hosted there in 1974....my hippie girl years), to see the fireworks over the river on the 4th. I will be skipping that so will see them for an evening of picnic dinner tomorrow... hoping for a 'good' day in terms of sx.  ....coop

 

[[Co...]]

I am about to log off.

 

Many seem not to be too well today. All except Green who is partying and living it up in Atlanta. 

 

Unfortunately, I have to add my name to the list, I am feeling really bad. It's been an odd few days.

 

The usual suspects are here, don't even know why I bother mentioning them.  Vibrations, very intense, palps, bad, bad thoughts, catastrophic thoughts and my eyes are failing on me.

 

The bad, intrusive thoughts, the catastrophic thoughts, they usually take turns but today, they are doing a duet inside my head. 

 

And some mild paranoia, the missing touch. A wave combo !

 

I had a crying jag earlier, it made me feel better, but it did not last. I have been a little challenged when it comes to crying.

 

I think I am off to bed now, enough complaining, rest of some kind might be better at this point.

 

Maybe tomorrow will bring better  news. 

 

Hope you all get some relief in the next hours. The heat is not helping, is it ?

 

Heal on, everybody.

 

6

Sky, yes we all seem to be sickly today. I get sick of complaining too, although you would never guess  I'm glad to see you on here but wish you didn't have so much yuk going on. Hope you feel better soon. Actually you WILL feel better tomorrow. We have heat here in UK, phew, makes it much harder. 

 

.....Sky....I missed this post from you....I am so sorry...I hear you with the intrusive fear and catastrophic thoughts. They have bent my constant companions too for the last 3 months ( seems like 3 years).. Mine are just now starting to give me a some respite hours throughout the day. Mine always sing me songs of illness, catrastophe and death and dying....They are enough to drive any of us to crying...and rest is good. That kind of stress and worry just takes,the stuffing out of us. It will come to an end Sky.....I am wishing you a good sleep and sunbreaks tomorrow....coop