12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Sky... I am with you today in the anxiety soup. ...Sorry to hear that you are getting hit with it. It takes so much mental energy to drag it around and try to disregard it. 

....I have read many posts on the boards regarding funky vision...blurry, wavy, flashes , shadow vision and things not looking ' quite right'  I still get the come and go floaters and some streaks and flashes.  Some days nothing at all.

...I hope your day is better tomorrow.. ..Sending you thoughts for sunbreaks....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew.  It's so normal to do too many big things in a window. I have learned through sad experience to go easy even in a window.. we just want our lives back the way they were. ..Hope you are feeling better now....I feel the same....battle scars and PTSD are going to be the mop up projects in year 3...and learning how to get back into the world....

....You are sounding so good overall though.  I think you were right to feel that healing is closer ...It is good to see you on the thread today....you are healing and it encourages all of us.  We also need time to time wonderful food updates

......hope you are back to your very good baseline tomorrow..  coop

[[Co...]]

Nova, if you are lurking....I am thinking of you ..  .coop

[[Co...]]

Green,....you sound just like HH before she went to NYC...still some sx going on, but consistently better enough to go...with the same thought as you..  if things get iffy you can hide out in your suite and if things really go to hell you can come home

....You are brave Green, ...I wouldn't be able to plan a trip away from home at this point..  I just want to get back to volunteering.  Some days it seems like I could go back tomorrow....some days it seems like I will never get there...

...Wishing you sleep...a lot of decent sleep....coop

[[dr...]]

Hi coop...how you feeling now?

 

My HR came all back to normal but still have the head pressure and eye weirdness.  I read somewhere once you get those adrenal rushes from over exertion it also releases epiphendrine sp? Which can take up to 48 hours to level off even though the adrenal Rush is over n twenty minutes.  I'm hoping it tapers off tomorrow. I'm off to bed. Nite

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... just been sort of lurking the last couple of days ... I think that "2 - 3 years" comment by the doc hit me pretty hard on Friday ... and this broken sleep stuff is knocking me down a bit ... funny how the sleep thing did not seem to bother me before ...

 

I suppose I am a little upset ... and being the pollyanna that I am I suppose that is another sign of getting better ... feeling stuff and recognizing it ... and moving through it ... more clarity ...

 

Fatigue ... deep fatigue ... perhaps another stage on this journey ... oh well ... it is what it is until it isn't ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet day ... 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

A rainy cool day here. I had some good sleep but with more strange dreams.

 

Nova, I think the doc might have stirred you up a bit. It takes my brain a while to recover after a doc visit. I would like to bake them some lovely cookies with some bits and pieces thrown in.

Hopefully you'll be able to catch a nap today. Rest easy.

 

Low and slow today. 

 

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Nova, I think so too. A trip to the doctor always puts me in another head space...I feel like I have visited a foreign land...the land of the sick. It leaves me with anxiety and doubt. It takes a few days to get solid again with the idea that I am in w/d....still. ...Whatever we call it, w/d or illness...it just is what it is until it isnt.  We have to get through it one day at a time no matter what it's name is and we can only do our best with whatever is in front of us.

....You are going to spin out of this funk. ...You are not alone...We are right there with you...living our sx each day.

.....sending love to you dear friend.

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  I hope your better sleep means that your wave is rolling out....Wishing you big sunbreaks and healing today.  Sending love ... coop

[[...]]

Marj--I highly recommend crying!  For so long I avoided it, thinking not crying would keep me from being in that very dark place.  It was somebody on BB who, last fall when I first joined, said that an oncology nurse told her crying releases stress.  After that I had a good hard cry whenever I felt like it and always felt better afterwards.

 

Now I don't cry anymore because I'm well!  Okay, I cry, but now it's this thing of occasionally just bursting into tears of relief and joy that I have come back alive again.

 

Hang in there, all of you.  You're almost to that place too!

 

Thanks FJ for your encouragement. I actually ended up doing both; crying, angry walk and more crying. I went to bed with pink, puffy eyes 

[[Fi...]]

OH, yeah, Marj--I know those eyes! :'(

[[Se...]]

Good morning, folks.  Sorry to hear everyone is still struggling to some degree.  I am as well.  Its very hard to keep hanging on through the intense loss of hope and misery every day.  I understand about the medical anxiety.  I have a new doc now (the other one I had, after I "fired" the previous one, who kept prescribing me benzos, left for another practice.)  I've had three family docs in the past two years.  I have to meet with the new one on July 9 to go over everything again and I'm already beginning to get much anxiety about that because my self-esteem and confidence are so low (I used to be so strong in opinion and well spoken, esp. pertaining to personal matters )  and I no longer trust doctors.  I see them as The Enemy.

 

The only good thing I can report is that I am still sleeping enough.  I will take that and run with it.  I have to.  There's nothing else positive leaping out at me right now.

 

Be well, buddies.

 

Serenity

[[...]]

Greetings everyone,

 

The roller coaster continues it’s twists and turns. After a successful social event that I wasn’t keen on going but managed to enjoy under the circumstances, you would think a sense of achievement would unveil. Unfortunately I got up on Sunday with vibrations and fatigue. All the things that I intended to do were a million miles away again.  Having being there so many times before it should be expected, however every time it is such a huge let down.

I will share with you what set me in a spin if that is ok, maybe it was my own fault.  Remember the vile neighbour, well a week or so ago one of my cats had brought a dead mole in as a ‘present’. That morning as I was on my way out to work I thought it would be a good idea to place it on his lawn as he is so anal about his precious lawn. Job done, thought nothing more about is. As I was pottering in my garden yesterday trying to distract from all the symptoms I came across said mole under a bush. OMG, he must have put it there or thrown it over. I really thought my destiny was going to be a psyche ward as paranoia set in like I have never experienced. There was no one in his house when I left it, so how did he know? Were there cameras hidden in his garden? Honestly I have never been so scared of my thoughts before and could not sleep at all last night and got up with awful nerve pain.

I will revert back to just ignoring him and his moronic family.

Has anyone else felt such paranoia that just spirals, making your brain hurt. This too shall pass……..

 

Serenity – I totally relate to ALL your suffering. I could have written your post. Stay strong, we will make it out.

[[be...]]

Beulah.  I hope your better sleep means that your wave is rolling out....Wishing you big sunbreaks and healing today.  Sending love ... coop

 

Thank you coop. While I'm still in some sort of a strange wave I can feel healing underneath, I think this is a healing wave. I broke through the wave for a short period like it was giving me a breather and then back to work for more repair...temporarily under construction.

 

I think all of this is par for the course, I am 23 today and my milestone months can be difficult.

How are you feeling today?

 

H

[[be...]]

Good morning, folks.  Sorry to hear everyone is still struggling to some degree.  I am as well.  Its very hard to keep hanging on through the intense loss of hope and misery every day.  I understand about the medical anxiety.  I have a new doc now (the other one I had, after I "fired" the previous one, who kept prescribing me benzos, left for another practice.)  I've had three family docs in the past two years.  I have to meet with the new one on July 9 to go over everything again and I'm already beginning to get much anxiety about that because my self-esteem and confidence are so low (I used to be so strong in opinion and well spoken, esp. pertaining to personal matters )  and I no longer trust doctors.  I see them as The Enemy.

 

The only good thing I can report is that I am still sleeping enough.  I will take that and run with it.  I have to.  There's nothing else positive leaping out at me right now.

 

Be well, buddies.

 

Serenity

 

Serenity, I sure can relate to the low self esteem and confidence. However, on my last doc visit a few months ago a surge of confidence overtook me in the waiting room and me and the doc went around and around, I didn't do my usual hunkering down and it felt great!!

I left his office with a smirk and a Have a nice day.

 

 

 

 

[[be...]]

Greetings everyone,

 

The roller coaster continues it’s twists and turns. After a successful social event that I wasn’t keen on going but managed to enjoy under the circumstances, you would think a sense of achievement would unveil. Unfortunately I got up on Sunday with vibrations and fatigue. All the things that I intended to do were a million miles away again.  Having being there so many times before it should be expected, however every time it is such a huge let down.

I will share with you what set me in a spin if that is ok, maybe it was my own fault.  Remember the vile neighbour, well a week or so ago one of my cats had brought a dead mole in as a ‘present’. That morning as I was on my way out to work I thought it would be a good idea to place it on his lawn as he is so anal about his precious lawn. Job done, thought nothing more about is. As I was pottering in my garden yesterday trying to distract from all the symptoms I came across said mole under a bush. OMG, he must have put it there or thrown it over. I really thought my destiny was going to be a psyche ward as paranoia set in like I have never experienced. There was no one in his house when I left it, so how did he know? Were there cameras hidden in his garden? Honestly I have never been so scared of my thoughts before and could not sleep at all last night and got up with awful nerve pain.

I will revert back to just ignoring him and his moronic family.

Has anyone else felt such paranoia that just spirals, making your brain hurt. This too shall pass……..

 

Serenity – I totally relate to ALL your suffering. I could have written your post. Stay strong, we will make it out.

 

Marj, please forgive me for laughing, I have not laughed this hard for a long time.

The dead mole in a box, I can just picture you putting it on his lawn..so very carefully, not knowing the camera was rolling. if their was one..hmmm.

Thank you for the laugh..and I will stay tuned for The mole in the box saga...lol lol.

[[Se...]]

Marj, do we have the same neighbor?!  OMG    Anal, with obsessively manicured lawn and home and security cameras everywhere... that's my neighbor.  I've been dualling with these idiots for years.  He once hacked down one of the maple saplings at the back of our property with a rubber mallet (like, WTF?)... and they call us crazy!    I took the torn up tree and pitched it like a javelin onto the middle of his golf-green, sparkling lawn after that, just missing his brand-new sparkling RV parked for show on his lawn.  It ended up back on our property the following morning.  Just nuts.  I was on benzos at the time, so although I freaked out about it, I got over it in a few days.  If it had happened now... I'd be reacting just like you.  This is all so very challenging, I know.  I know you'll level out... we always do after a bit. 

[[Se...]]

Serenity, I sure can relate to the low self esteem and confidence. However, on my last doc visit a few months ago a surge of confidence overtook me in the waiting room and me and the doc went around and around, I didn't do my usual hunkering down and it felt great!!

I left his office with a smirk and a Have a nice day.

 

Aha... that's awesome, Beulah!    Such great progress!  I will certainly stand my ground, that's for sure, even if it just about kills me.  Not gonna let some ignorant doc tell me what I am and what I am not experiencing!

[[dr...]]

I just wanted to put down how dangerous it is for me to click on even the "unread posts" areas... Look at these three that were at the top of the unread posts...ugh!(by the way I am not judging or saying these shouldn't be posted I just have to avoid it)

 

Nine years plus  New

Started by helloall in Protracted Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Symptoms « 1 2 3 »

20 Replies

 

There's no fight left in me  New

Started by norvegia in Post-withdrawal Recovery Support « 1 2 »

12 Replies

147 Views Last post June 29, 2015, 04:08:31 pm

by thescamp

 

theres no hope for me  New

Started by Hiphopanonymous in

[[Gr...]]

Hi all..I made my two day self imposed ban n this site. It was very difficult!  Wanted to check n many times but chose not to. 

 

I felt good the last week and really felt that I was healing.  I had minor stuff but nothing that overwhelmed me or sent my anxiety/panic high than more than a few brief moments here or there.  Getting over the ptsd part of this ain't going to be easy.  Going all these places and doing things that were really anxiety/panic provoking during the process has left battle scars.  I get brief thoughts of terrible things happening or something of that nature and I try to dismiss as just thoughts. 

 

I felt really good yesterday morning and went for my hill hike and decided to jog the second part of the trail.  Dumb move!  I was sick for a week w a cold and haven't even exercised.  Why I thought it would be a good idea to jog and get my HR in the 160's is beyond me. I haven't even done that when exercising regularly for a few months.  After finishing and my hr came down a bit I started getting powerful adrenaline surges.  Ugh!  My hr stayed high all day, was dizzy, and just not there.  Today my eyes are killing me and I feel front of head weird.  Hard to explain as always but pressure and fog fog.  Hoping this fades soon as I can't concentrate or focus on anything. 

 

Hoping this wave ends soon.

 

Drew, you sound good. We're supposed to take off the thread and enjoy whenever that happens for us.

And things seeming weird, feeling like PTSD, I think that's a mental symptom, because it's gone away for me.  I think it's really the DR.  The more the mental symptoms dissipate, the more integrated I become in the flow of life, the less I even remember of severe, ptsd-kind of symptoms.

 

Don't stress.  All waves end.  Healing is the end result for all of us.

[[Gr...]]

Green,....you sound just like HH before she went to NYC...still some sx going on, but consistently better enough to go...with the same thought as you..  if things get iffy you can hide out in your suite and if things really go to hell you can come home

....You are brave Green, ...I wouldn't be able to plan a trip away from home at this point..  I just want to get back to volunteering.  Some days it seems like I could go back tomorrow....some days it seems like I will never get there...

...Wishing you sleep...a lot of decent sleep....coop

 

Coop, it's Monday, and I have to be on a plane on Wed at this time, and there's no excitement, just determination to get up and go.  We'll see what happens.  I really don't want to be hiding out in a hotel room for five days, lol!  Can't deal with the staff knocking on the door!

 

That's the issue, not knowing what we're going to be feeling like, the fear of what might happen, that keeps us from doing things.  We'll get there.

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... just been sort of lurking the last couple of days ... I think that "2 - 3 years" comment by the doc hit me pretty hard on Friday ... and this broken sleep stuff is knocking me down a bit ... funny how the sleep thing did not seem to bother me before ...

 

I suppose I am a little upset ... and being the pollyanna that I am I suppose that is another sign of getting better ... feeling stuff and recognizing it ... and moving through it ... more clarity ...

 

Fatigue ... deep fatigue ... perhaps another stage on this journey ... oh well ... it is what it is until it isn't ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet day ... 

 

Nova, I had the same reaction, thinking 2-3 years, thinking I can't do it.  IDK if it was your post or somewhere else, that 2-3 year thing.

 

Yes, the fatigue is tough.  Try not to let your head go there, 2-3 years, it's too self defeating.  Dealing with the symptoms we have is hard enough.

 

The sleep has been a major issue for me for a long time.  My best days, I wasn't getting to sleep until 4 a.m.  Then in this last wave it was daylight, like Korbe.  I know my sleep cycle is very messed up.

 

I think the chewable Vitamin C has helped.  At least I think it has.  could be I was swinging into a new pattern.

 

Last night fell off at 1:30.  Up at 3:30.  Up at 6:30.  but able to go back to sleep each time.  For me this is significant improvement.

 

Hope the sleep gets better.  It's a horrible symptom after a while.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

I just wanted to put down how dangerous it is for me to click on even the "unread posts" areas... Look at these three that were at the top of the unread posts...ugh!(by the way I am not judging or saying these shouldn't be posted I just have to avoid it)

 

Nine years plus  New

Started by helloall in Protracted Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Symptoms « 1 2 3 »

20 Replies

 

There's no fight left in me  New

Started by norvegia in Post-withdrawal Recovery Support « 1 2 »

12 Replies

147 Views Last post June 29, 2015, 04:08:31 pm

by thescamp

 

theres no hope for me  New

Started by Hiphopanonymous in

 

Drew, I have my hands over my eyes, like that monkey, "see no evil"!  Don't read that stuff!

[[Se...]]

Does anybody get a little sad and jealous from reading all the early success stories?    I'm happy for those folks, but I'm also very saddened and envious that they've gotten out of prison early and are out living their lives again.

 

Also, does anybody often feel like a temperamental three year old as far as emotional maturity?  My God, this is sickening.  :'(

[[Gr...]]

Hello, everyone

 

As I said before, I've been sleeping a little more, I think maybe it's the Vit. C.  Still feel fatigued, but I'm in that mode where I feel better later in the day.  I think the fatigue is from that cortisol revving.  I read somewhere years ago that we only have X amount of cortisol and if we use it all up we're going to crash.  So that revving I think is taking its toll.

 

My ex is back in the hospital, so that's what I'm doing today, and hopefully a walk, and trying to pack. 

I really need to get moving.

 

Have a better day, everyone.