12-18 month support

[[No...]]

So ... that makes two docs that I have met locally who know how to listen and how to encourage ... and they both feel nothing "of concern" is going on for me ... just need to give this process more time ...

 

Well ... the potential fireworks will take place at the end of July ... I have a consult with community mental health ... I wrangled a referral to them to get help for anxiety/panic ... interesting that the referral took almost six months before they could see me for an "assessment" ...

 

This is one of the three psychiatrist groups I saw when I decided to come off the drug ... these folks told me that I was too old, need to be on an anti-depressant and needed a course for anger management ...

 

My reason for seeing them is moderately sneaky ... I can now attribute my current anxiety/panic to recovery ... I want to see what they can offer in the way helping folks coming off the drug who experience anxiety/panic ... and what this local community mental health group can offer folks in the way of non-drug treatment ...

 

This is the first step in a longer range plan to get something going around here in our community regarding benzos ... should be interesting ...

[[No...]]

Still in the soup ... not as loud as yesterday ... I was out for about five hours running errands as well as the ENT consult ... a little tired now ... looking forward to a quiet weekend ...

 

Hope everyone is doing okay today ... 

[[je...]]

Interesting day ... had a consult with an ENT doc this morning ... regarding this never ending "cold" or "flu" stuff that has been going on ... I had that monster cold back in December that has never really cleared up ... and since then the escalation of head and sinus pressure, the cough, the neck strangling and the neck tightness ...

 

This was an older doc, almost retired, and again from Britain ...

 

I told him I had two pieces of information ... the benzo recovery process and the lingering symptoms from the December cold ... he asked how high of a dose was I on before I started my taper and how long did I taper ... after I picked myself up off the floor and got back in the chair ... I answered his question ... he said okay, in his experience a slow taper is usually best ...

 

Then he asked if I was still experiencing anxiety and/or panic ... and then commented that some people can take two or three years to recover ... and one never knows ... and the ongoing, intermittent anxiety/panic can contribute to tension ...

 

Then he did his ENT testing and examining stuff ... nothing uncomfortable, just a lot of poking, prodding and peering ... in my case there is nothing "of concern" going on ... he told me that the "cold" or "flu" symptoms will gradually clear up ... and the pressure symptoms are likely all related to muscle tension ... he suggested heat, steam, and gentle exercise ... and time ...

 

I asked directly if these kinds of symptoms are connected to benzos ... he said from an ENT perspective he did not know ... then he stood up and said from a general medical point of view the answer is yes ... and then he said ... I think you already know the answer to your questions ... then he said ... give it some more time ... most people never are able to get off that class of drugs ... you are doing very well ...

 

So ... hope this gives a little more encouragement ... I know it did for me ... 

 

 

This is great news Nova! Wow,someone that listened to you and confirmed that this is indeed a 2-3 year journey.. Honestly Nova, I think most people in your age group stay on this stuff for life, because it really is so hard. You should be so extremely proud of yourself! Sorry your still in the soup, better days are ahead jenny

[[mr...]]

Interesting day ... had a consult with an ENT doc this morning ... regarding this never ending "cold" or "flu" stuff that has been going on ... I had that monster cold back in December that has never really cleared up ... and since then the escalation of head and sinus pressure, the cough, the neck strangling and the neck tightness ...

 

This was an older doc, almost retired, and again from Britain ...

 

I told him I had two pieces of information ... the benzo recovery process and the lingering symptoms from the December cold ... he asked how high of a dose was I on before I started my taper and how long did I taper ... after I picked myself up off the floor and got back in the chair ... I answered his question ... he said okay, in his experience a slow taper is usually best ...

 

Then he asked if I was still experiencing anxiety and/or panic ... and then commented that some people can take two or three years to recover ... and one never knows ... and the ongoing, intermittent anxiety/panic can contribute to tension ...

 

Then he did his ENT testing and examining stuff ... nothing uncomfortable, just a lot of poking, prodding and peering ... in my case there is nothing "of concern" going on ... he told me that the "cold" or "flu" symptoms will gradually clear up ... and the pressure symptoms are likely all related to muscle tension ... he suggested heat, steam, and gentle exercise ... and time ...

 

I asked directly if these kinds of symptoms are connected to benzos ... he said from an ENT perspective he did not know ... then he stood up and said from a general medical point of view the answer is yes ... and then he said ... I think you already know the answer to your questions ... then he said ... give it some more time ... most people never are able to get off that class of drugs ... you are doing very well ...

 

So ... hope this gives a little more encouragement ... I know it did for me ... 

 

Dang Nova, that gave me good chills all over!!

 

Mrs.

[[Sk...]]

So ... that makes two docs that I have met locally who know how to listen and how to encourage ... and they both feel nothing "of concern" is going on for me ... just need to give this process more time ...

 

Well ... the potential fireworks will take place at the end of July ... I have a consult with community mental health ... I wrangled a referral to them to get help for anxiety/panic ... interesting that the referral took almost six months before they could see me for an "assessment" ...

 

This is one of the three psychiatrist groups I saw when I decided to come off the drug ... these folks told me that I was too old, need to be on an anti-depressant and needed a course for anger management ...

 

My reason for seeing them is moderately sneaky ... I can now attribute my current anxiety/panic to recovery ... I want to see what they can offer in the way helping folks coming off the drug who experience anxiety/panic ... and what this local community mental health group can offer folks in the way of non-drug treatment ...

 

This is the first step in a longer range plan to get something going around here in our community regarding benzos ... should be interesting ...

 

Nova, so wonderful of you to be already thinking about the " after " and how you can help. Well, you are doing more than thinking, aren't you ?

 

I often wonder how I can help, when all this is over.

 

In my case, I know that I am extremely lucky to know how to read and write English. There is very little for Italian speakers online, how does any non English speaker, who does not know English, manage to get through this ?

Wd, is hardly a time to be working on your English skills.

 

Anyway, thanks for sharing the results of your day with us. Sorry you are still feeling so bad. I would love to hear somebody  offline say something like the things this doctor said. Even just acknowledging that we are going through a lot.

 

Nova, you really should rest now, you have done so much today . 

 

Hope you get a break soon. 

[[Te...]]

Nova.....was peeking in on ya all.....read your post....what a nice ENT.....thank you for sharing.....

Hope you recover from the cold soon! Steam with Vic's rub......it will get congestion loose!

 

Hugs!TM

[[Co...]]

Nova....I am hanging on every word of your posts. First of all, I am just sorry to hear that this panic/anxiety, neck tightness, and strangled throat feeling is still going on for you. I love that you have a decent and wise ENT.. I trust the older docs so much more. Medicine 25/30 years ago was so different. Your tightness sounds like my chest/rib tightness.  The cough and breathing thing...it's all scary. You have been 'going with' it since Dec..  I know what a relief it must be to hear from a doc you trust that it is still w/d.....and 2/3 years is a typical timeframe for healing. 

  .Your plan for engaging the psychs in a conversation about benzo RECOVERY ( as in, I am off benzos.  Not going back on any psych meds.  What have you got?)...is a smart approach...Wanting to broaden the awareness and open the community door to alternatives to meds and options is so you Nova.  You are a continual help and support to us on this forum it only seems true to you that you would think about how to get some changes and support on the ground in your community of non-virtual suffering people.

  ...I am borrowing courage and determination from you today. I also had a 10 minute panic this morning ( of the "I can't breathe type).. I got through it by continuing to do what I was doing ( talking with my neighbor), but the waves of anxiety were set in motion and I am just holding my own.  I guess the good news is that I am holding my own.  My complex is hosting a bbq this evening a d I am going to go..  even if it's o ly for 10 minutes....even if I fall over with a heart attack in front of a bunch of people.  Just to practice.  Just to push gently. .  Such great posts Nova.  Thank you.  .coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... enjoy your evening for as long as you can ... all we can do is to keep giving ourselves possibilities ... gently ... 

[[No...]]

Jenny ... it is hard for me to feel "proud" ... I keep hearing the echo of "this ain't over yet" ...

 

On the other hand, I certainly do feel stubbornness ... perhaps that is sufficient for now ... 

[[je...]]

Coop,

Good for you! I think your gonna do fine, let us know how it goes  jenny

[[Si...]]

I've been agitated for the last three days, which is pretty unusual for me. This comes right after having 10 decent days. I slept every night in those 10 days. Now I've had two sleepless nights, Monday and Wednesday nights. I screwed up last night by taking a few (unplanned) naps on the sofa. Then couldn't go to sleep at my regular time. Was up until 2:30am. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I'm starting to develop anxiety about going to sleep. Hoping tonight goes well since we're leaving for Florida in the morning.

 

Enjoy your BBQ Coop.

[[Ko...]]

Nova,

So happy you ran into a knowledgeable ENT.  it's nice he validated you and gave you hope. Thanks for sharing with the rest of us.  I'm sure some of your cold etc suffering is part withdrawal. Hopefully it clears up soon.

 

Good luck with your attempt to change the psych services in your community. I hope you make some progress. Can't wait to hear about that.

[[Gr...]]

Nova: Thanks for the good thoughts on sleep. I agree. I sleep whenever I can. I'm sorry you got slammed again. This Benzo thing is so mean. It lets you feel good one day then slams you down the next. Pure torture.

 

Coop: Wow, so glad you had a great day. I'm a little jealous. Haven't had a window for a few months.

 

Green: Sorry you've got Benzo flu. Hate that feeling.  I'm up, it's 2:30am in CA, and I'm trying to get sleepy. Not happening.  Yes, I'm on the couch because of my legs and being boaty all the time. If my legs don't hurt then I do move around a lot more. My legs are stinging now, but no muscle fatigue.

 

We are going to get better.  I need to keep reassuring myself.

 

Korbe,  All we need is a good day or two, and then we know for sure we're going to get better.  I tried the Vitamin C, and it seems like there's less revving, but I never know if that's from the C.

 

I still get boaty, too. 

 

Today started rough and seemed to get better later in the day.  It's amazing how we can go from bottom-of-the-barrel despair to feeling rather sprightly, in a matter of minutes, just from feeling better.  So as bad as we feel, I guess it is possible to heal fast, practically on a dime.  When I'm feeling really bad, I think, boy, I feel so bad now, it's going to take a long time to heal.  but then we do a 360, really bad to really good, and see it's possible to heal, and heal quickly.  I sure do hope this happens for all of us.  Like they say, that last window that never closes.

Feel better, Sue

[[mr...]]

Nova....I am hanging on every word of your posts. First of all, I am just sorry to hear that this panic/anxiety, neck tightness, and strangled throat feeling is still going on for you. I love that you have a decent and wise ENT.. I trust the older docs so much more. Medicine 25/30 years ago was so different. Your tightness sounds like my chest/rib tightness.  The cough and breathing thing...it's all scary. You have been 'going with' it since Dec..  I know what a relief it must be to hear from a doc you trust that it is still w/d.....and 2/3 years is a typical timeframe for healing. 

  .Your plan for engaging the psychs in a conversation about benzo RECOVERY ( as in, I am off benzos.  Not going back on any psych meds.  What have you got?)...is a smart approach...Wanting to broaden the awareness and open the community door to alternatives to meds and options is so you Nova.  You are a continual help and support to us on this forum it only seems true to you that you would think about how to get some changes and support on the ground in your community of non-virtual suffering people.

  ...I am borrowing courage and determination from you today. I also had a 10 minute panic this morning ( of the "I can't breathe type).. I got through it by continuing to do what I was doing ( talking with my neighbor), but the waves of anxiety were set in motion and I am just holding my own.  I guess the good news is that I am holding my own.  My complex is hosting a bbq this evening a d I am going to go..  even if it's o ly for 10 minutes....even if I fall over with a heart attack in front of a bunch of people.  Just to practice.  Just to push gently. .  Such great posts Nova.  Thank you.  .coop

 

Yes, yes, yes, Yes, YESSSSSSS!!!!! Way to be, Coop. Punch that "fear" in the throat! Kick it in the kidneys! Haha!

 

Proud of you, sista

 

Just wait...wait until you experience what that type of victory feels like!!

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Interesting day ... had a consult with an ENT doc this morning ... regarding this never ending "cold" or "flu" stuff that has been going on ... I had that monster cold back in December that has never really cleared up ... and since then the escalation of head and sinus pressure, the cough, the neck strangling and the neck tightness ...

 

This was an older doc, almost retired, and again from Britain ...

 

I told him I had two pieces of information ... the benzo recovery process and the lingering symptoms from the December cold ... he asked how high of a dose was I on before I started my taper and how long did I taper ... after I picked myself up off the floor and got back in the chair ... I answered his question ... he said okay, in his experience a slow taper is usually best ...

 

Then he asked if I was still experiencing anxiety and/or panic ... and then commented that some people can take two or three years to recover ... and one never knows ... and the ongoing, intermittent anxiety/panic can contribute to tension ...

 

Then he did his ENT testing and examining stuff ... nothing uncomfortable, just a lot of poking, prodding and peering ... in my case there is nothing "of concern" going on ... he told me that the "cold" or "flu" symptoms will gradually clear up ... and the pressure symptoms are likely all related to muscle tension ... he suggested heat, steam, and gentle exercise ... and time ...

 

I asked directly if these kinds of symptoms are connected to benzos ... he said from an ENT perspective he did not know ... then he stood up and said from a general medical point of view the answer is yes ... and then he said ... I think you already know the answer to your questions ... then he said ... give it some more time ... most people never are able to get off that class of drugs ... you are doing very well ...

 

So ... hope this gives a little more encouragement ... I know it did for me ... 

 

Oh, Nova, I love this post, love to hear this.  If this doctor knows, and the woman doctor you had last time knows, that means it's common knowledge in the medical community, they all have to know.  I mean doctors are bright people, they can read, they know, they just won't admit it.  How on earth do you get these doctors to spill?

Thanks for sharing this.

[[Gr...]]

So ... that makes two docs that I have met locally who know how to listen and how to encourage ... and they both feel nothing "of concern" is going on for me ... just need to give this process more time ...

 

Well ... the potential fireworks will take place at the end of July ... I have a consult with community mental health ... I wrangled a referral to them to get help for anxiety/panic ... interesting that the referral took almost six months before they could see me for an "assessment" ...

 

This is one of the three psychiatrist groups I saw when I decided to come off the drug ... these folks told me that I was too old, need to be on an anti-depressant and needed a course for anger management ...

 

My reason for seeing them is moderately sneaky ... I can now attribute my current anxiety/panic to recovery ... I want to see what they can offer in the way helping folks coming off the drug who experience anxiety/panic ... and what this local community mental health group can offer folks in the way of non-drug treatment ...

 

This is the first step in a longer range plan to get something going around here in our community regarding benzos ... should be interesting ...

 

Nova, so wonderful of you to be already thinking about the " after " and how you can help. Well, you are doing more than thinking, aren't you ?

 

I often wonder how I can help, when all this is over.

 

In my case, I know that I am extremely lucky to know how to read and write English. There is very little for Italian speakers online, how does any non English speaker, who does not know English, manage to get through this ?

Wd, is hardly a time to be working on your English skills.

 

Anyway, thanks for sharing the results of your day with us. Sorry you are still feeling so bad. I would love to hear somebody  offline say something like the things this doctor said. Even just acknowledging that we are going through a lot.

 

Nova, you really should rest now, you have done so much today . 

 

Hope you get a break soon. 

Sky, there is a recent success story, Dutchman, or Dutchboy, and he said the same thing, there's nothing on the Internet in Dutch in the Netherlands.  this guy basically translated the Ashton protocol and put it on the web.  He said he's gotten a tremendous amount of hits, feedback.  Now that my head is clear, I don't worry about sounding crazy anymore, I talk about this openly.  It's criminal what we went through, and we're not just a tiny portion of the population, this happens to a lot of people.

 

** Dutchguy!

 

[[Gr...]]

Nova....I am hanging on every word of your posts. First of all, I am just sorry to hear that this panic/anxiety, neck tightness, and strangled throat feeling is still going on for you. I love that you have a decent and wise ENT.. I trust the older docs so much more. Medicine 25/30 years ago was so different. Your tightness sounds like my chest/rib tightness.  The cough and breathing thing...it's all scary. You have been 'going with' it since Dec..  I know what a relief it must be to hear from a doc you trust that it is still w/d.....and 2/3 years is a typical timeframe for healing. 

  .Your plan for engaging the psychs in a conversation about benzo RECOVERY ( as in, I am off benzos.  Not going back on any psych meds.  What have you got?)...is a smart approach...Wanting to broaden the awareness and open the community door to alternatives to meds and options is so you Nova.  You are a continual help and support to us on this forum it only seems true to you that you would think about how to get some changes and support on the ground in your community of non-virtual suffering people.

  ...I am borrowing courage and determination from you today. I also had a 10 minute panic this morning ( of the "I can't breathe type).. I got through it by continuing to do what I was doing ( talking with my neighbor), but the waves of anxiety were set in motion and I am just holding my own.  I guess the good news is that I am holding my own.  My complex is hosting a bbq this evening a d I am going to go..  even if it's o ly for 10 minutes....even if I fall over with a heart attack in front of a bunch of people.  Just to practice.  Just to push gently. .  Such great posts Nova.  Thank you.  .coop

 

Nova, just don't go punching anybody in the nose, or you will be in mandatory anger management!

 

Coop, have fun at the BBQ.  It's good that you're going. 

 

I had a terrible morning and a pretty good second half of the day. 

[[Gr...]]

I've been agitated for the last three days, which is pretty unusual for me. This comes right after having 10 decent days. I slept every night in those 10 days. Now I've had two sleepless nights, Monday and Wednesday nights. I screwed up last night by taking a few (unplanned) naps on the sofa. Then couldn't go to sleep at my regular time. Was up until 2:30am. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I'm starting to develop anxiety about going to sleep. Hoping tonight goes well since we're leaving for Florida in the morning.

 

Enjoy your BBQ Coop.

 

Siggy, you don't see it, but you're getting better.  10 good days.  That means healing is happening. 

I relate on the anxiety about sleep.  When my insomnia is bad, I start getting the dreads as it gets closer to bedtime, it's a stressful time for me. 

Don't let it get to you.  Have a good time in Florida.

 

I bought a ticket for the HST Center in Atlanta!

[[Si...]]

I've been agitated for the last three days, which is pretty unusual for me. This comes right after having 10 decent days. I slept every night in those 10 days. Now I've had two sleepless nights, Monday and Wednesday nights. I screwed up last night by taking a few (unplanned) naps on the sofa. Then couldn't go to sleep at my regular time. Was up until 2:30am. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I'm starting to develop anxiety about going to sleep. Hoping tonight goes well since we're leaving for Florida in the morning.

 

Enjoy your BBQ Coop.

 

Siggy, you don't see it, but you're getting better.  10 good days.  That means healing is happening. 

I relate on the anxiety about sleep.  When my insomnia is bad, I start getting the dreads as it gets closer to bedtime, it's a stressful time for me. 

Don't let it get to you.  Have a good time in Florida.

 

I bought a ticket for the HST Center in Atlanta!

 

Thanks green!! Yes it's so difficult waiting this stuff out. I was having a hard time trying to stay awake on the sofa last night. I try to wait until at least 11:30 to go to bed. As soon as I get in bed though I don't fall asleep. Went back down to the sofa and fell asleep within 15 minutes probably. Woke up around 5am and came back upstairs to get in bed. Then fell asleep for another hour or so. My poor wife had a rough night sleeping too, which is unusual for her. It has a lot to do with me not sleeping well. Anyway, hopefully I can get past this soon as the insomnia is by far my worst symptom.

 

Have fun at the History Center! I'm sure you'll find it interesting. 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Just reading through some posts here and see some people have been out and about living an almost healed life.

Nova, you sneaky little😈 Good for you thinking ahead.

Coop, I know you had a wonderful day with your daughter in the park with so much feeling of normalcy , you needed that break and I hope you're able to attend the barbecue at your complex.

 

Yesterday was just a down day for me filled with so many emotions. I woke up in a positive mood with low symptoms and eager to get my busy day started.

My daughter in law hosts an event every year for cancer survivors in our town. I always have contributed and helped her organize it. I didn't help with any of it last year because I was still to ill and she knows all about the withdrawal.

Yesterday when my husband and I went to the hall where the event will take place tonight, we dropped off some goodie boxes of homemade crafts and we made eight dozen of cupcakes.

When I spoke with my daughter in law two weeks ago I let her know that I would not be working my usual booth again this year and asked her to find a replacement for me. I had planned on doing my usual but knew it was to much for me with all of the loud music and loud people.

Well, my daughter in law took on an attitude that really upset me, she said that she couldn't depend on me anymore for these causes and would find replacements, her words crushed me and I cried all night.

 

I don't know why she would say such a thing and I tried to justify it with that she is under a lot of stress from her job and just very stressed out.

My brain isn't taking this well and blowing everything out of proportion. My husband the peacemaker says this will all blow over, but in my mind.. it won't.

 

But, this was my day yesterday..hopefully today will be better.

Hope you all are having a peaceful weekend. Hugs.

 

[[je...]]

Sorry Beulah, it is so hurtful when people we care about don't seem to understand. I bet she is just under a lot of stress putting this event together, and sounds like she took her frustration out on you... I hope your not still sad about all this, thinking of you, Jenny 

[[Sk...]]

Morning all,

 

Just reading through some posts here and see some people have been out and about living an almost healed life.

Nova, you sneaky little😈 Good for you thinking ahead.

Coop, I know you had a wonderful day with your daughter in the park with so much feeling of normalcy , you needed that break and I hope you're able to attend the barbecue at your complex.

 

Yesterday was just a down day for me filled with so many emotions. I woke up in a positive mood with low symptoms and eager to get my busy day started.

My daughter in law hosts an event every year for cancer survivors in our town. I always have contributed and helped her organize it. I didn't help with any of it last year because I was still to ill and she knows all about the withdrawal.

Yesterday when my husband and I went to the hall where the event will take place tonight, we dropped off some goodie boxes of homemade crafts and we made eight dozen of cupcakes.

When I spoke with my daughter in law two weeks ago I let her know that I would not be working my usual booth again this year and asked her to find a replacement for me. I had planned on doing my usual but knew it was to much for me with all of the loud music and loud people.

Well, my daughter in law took on an attitude that really upset me, she said that she couldn't depend on me anymore for these causes and would find replacements, her words crushed me and I cried all night.

 

I don't know why she would say such a thing and I tried to justify it with that she is under a lot of stress from her job and just very stressed out.

My brain isn't taking this well and blowing everything out of proportion. My husband the peacemaker says this will all blow over, but in my mind.. it won't.

 

But, this was my day yesterday..hopefully today will be better.

Hope you all are having a peaceful weekend. Hugs.

 

Beulah, I know how hurt you must feel, but time will prove her wrong.

 

I think it has nothing to do with you, though, she is going through something and was taking it out on you.

 

Most of the times in wd, the people around us, use what we are going through to justify their behavior when it's really them who is having a problem.

 

Sorry you have to go through all this kind of stuff on top of wd.

[[Sk...]]

I've been agitated for the last three days, which is pretty unusual for me. This comes right after having 10 decent days. I slept every night in those 10 days. Now I've had two sleepless nights, Monday and Wednesday nights. I screwed up last night by taking a few (unplanned) naps on the sofa. Then couldn't go to sleep at my regular time. Was up until 2:30am. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I'm starting to develop anxiety about going to sleep. Hoping tonight goes well since we're leaving for Florida in the morning.

 

Enjoy your BBQ Coop.

 

Siggy, you don't see it, but you're getting better.  10 good days.  That means healing is happening. 

I relate on the anxiety about sleep.  When my insomnia is bad, I start getting the dreads as it gets closer to bedtime, it's a stressful time for me. 

Don't let it get to you.  Have a good time in Florida.

 

I bought a ticket for the HST Center in Atlanta!

 

 

Green, so you are going to Atlanta ? Yay ! So happy to hear that ! When you are leaving ?

 

Siggy, Green is right, you are sounding better. Maybe it wasn't even the naps, it was just a little anxiety over the trip. I think the trip will do you loads of good and you will sleep better.

 

 

Today is really bad for me, my vibrations are insane and the palps too. My brain is not working as well and my eyes are a little foggy. Luckily, some students cancelled, so I am working a little less and I tried to nap as much as possible.

 

Speak later, heal on !

[[Co...]]

Beulah, ...I am so sorry to hear about your dil landing on you...My dil thinks I just need to "try harder" to "get over" my panics/anxiety...I cry too ...she really is the only one in my family who doesn't understand, although it wears on my daughter and son to hear the constant cancels and watch the 10 minute visits before I head for the door.  It hurts us so much when the people who love us can't understand ourcsuffering.  Two years of limited progress and shape shifting sx leads them to judging us.  ...You are such a loving person Beulah.  Her words were  poorly  thought out ( or not filtered at all)  .  Words carry a ouch with me too, goid or bad they live in my heart for a long time. My dil says whatever is on her mind and moves on leaving dead bodies on the battlefield. Her harsh words say more about her than they do about you..  You are right to not add extra stress to yourself ...I feel bad too about the things I can't do for people right now... I remind myself that when I am well I will do all those things again.. because when we heal we return to the people we were before benzos, and I love doing things that help people.. I (and you) am still that person. When I was recovering from breast surgery nobody expected a thing from me and my friends and family did so much for me and gave me worlds of support and encouragement.  W/D is so invisible especially when we put on our 'make it or fake it' faces. My family can not understand why I don't " just get back on medication" because they saw how much it helped in the beginning....they have a hard time believing that it caused things to get worse by the 3rd month of using it...even my best friend has a hard time believing it

  ....I am thinking of you Beulah....please remember that you are such a caring, brave , tough and loving person....coop

[[Co...]]

Green, I have the morning/afternoon pattern here too. Mornings are hard with anxiety and health fear just having a hip hop party in my head. By afternoon things are usually leveling out. The pattern that goes with that is ...a horrible hours long wave almost always follows a window or a very good day. ... Atlanta....Green, you are obviously feeling the solid ground of healing under your feet despite the sx circling your head. ...Wow....really happy to hear that... You are really getting there Green...your bike will be coming out of the shed .

....I hope you get another good afternoon today....coop