12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Green ... in it's own weird way it is reassuring to hear what happened for you today ... it helps me stay with it ... for me a pretty lousy day ... some times I feel like I am not going to make it and I read what someone else has experienced and I know I will be okay eventually ...

 

Sorry you had that kind of outing ...

 

Guts and head pressure and funky eyes ... and feel like the Michelin Man with absolutely no energy ...

[[Gr...]]

Green

 

I have spoken Baylissa a couple of times, the first time was before she started doing official consultations. I would highly recommend as she is so reassuring and has seen everything when it comes to this. She devotes so much time to people like us and has only recently begun charging. She is like a breath of fresh air.

 

I too get the fatigue and have to drag my arse around and then other times I can do so much more. I think we have to listen to our bodies and just take good care

 

Marj, thank you, that's so good to know.  I've read both her books, visited her website, and I have to say she was always my go-to when I was rock bottom, in terms of re-reading her stuff.  I was so close to giving up so many times, and it was her story that kept me going.  Yes, I'm going to do it.

 

Do you know where the information is to set up the appointment? 

 

P.S.  The fatigue can be distressing sometimes. Actually, all of this is very distressing, lol.

[[No...]]

Green ... for Baylissa try ...

 

http://www.recovery-road.org/

[[Gr...]]

Green-I drank a ton in tolerance.  I didn't realize how high my tolerance became on alcohol while on benzos. I could drink ten bourbons.  I didn't realize how much of it was to get relief from benzos.  I'm lucky to be alive.    I also engaged in high risk and impulsive behaviors. Drunk driving, gambling, etc... Didn't do anything that would harm others(excluding drunk driving) or anything but looking back I'm mortified at how I acted.  Now that I'm off its all gone.  I'm shocked and a different person. The benzos lowered my inhibitions worse than alcohol. All in the past.

 

Drew, I was hesitant to share my escapades!  Yes, I did a lot of drinking, it was definitely tolerance related.  Yes, I am ashamed to say I got behind the wheel.  And being somewhat disinhibited, oh, yeah.  I cringe sometimes as the memories start to come back   because I'm pretty conservative normally, lol  

 

That's funny you say that, lowered the inhibitions.  I am also a completely different person.  and I was on them, wow, since 2002?  I think they changed my personality from the beginning, subtle changes.  Looking back that wasn't me.

 

Another thing.  The last couple of years I was waking up during medical procedures. Not from general anes., lol, but from the light stuff you get for an endoscopy, and I woke up during an ablation for an SVT.  The doctor had something running from my groin into my heart, and I woke up and started talking to him.  They were shocked.  Very, very dangerous medicine.

 

I did many things in tolerance. I began slowly changing. The alcohol was just a natural consequence and it was awful. And other things I would do to calm my symptoms and make me sleep, I am so glad I survived and I did not lose mr Sky in the process.

 

I cringe when I think about it. 

 

The loss of inhibitions, that any medication could so something like that, to a person, is nothing short of criminal. It's something that would have made the Nazis blush.

 

Why don't they try writing that on the list of side effects ? Why don't they explain that carefully and without glossing over it ?

 

I nearly killed myself just  trying to live and cope, to make my life more bearable.

 

One day, when I can, I will put together a list of all the crazy and dangerous things that benzos pushed me to do. And that now just don't make sense.

 

I have been away from the thread. I  have been feeling bad, my period has begun. The anxiety was insane today. My stomach and heart were just crushed by this hand of anxiety that was squeezing. I was in such pain I took some vitamin C, like HH said she did.

 

It did not make my heart rate go up and, after a while, my symptoms subsided.

 

It's been a couple of evenings, that my eyesight has been getting really bad. It feels like there is this fog right in my eyes.

 

Well, we are slowly getting there. Slowly but maybe it's for the best.

 

Sue, do have a chat with Baylissa. I know of another buddy who did it. Anyway, then you will give us all the details right ? 

 

Sky, I am so glad you shared.  Yes, living in the misery, and what I did to survive, and that's what life felt like in tolerance, just surviving, getting to work, most human interaction was a burden.  really, I lost myself, many years before withdrawal.

 

So are we thinking about success stories now?  My intrusive thoughts sometimes go into composing my success story.  Which is a distinct improvement from where they used to go!

 

Seriously, I've thought about how much I want to put out there in a success story.  There is a desire to stay private.  But there's also a desire to be honest about what benzos did, who I was when I started, and where they took me.  which I think could be quite cathartic if it's handled right, and helpful maybe to someone else. 

 

I love Fliprain's story because she was so honest about the misery and where this drug took her, loss of health, financial devastation.  Remember her saying she would get up and have a beer and a cigarette while the coffee was perking?  And this lady didn't have an alcohol problem.  Which is what HH was referring to -- benzos really can be a gateway drug!  Really, really dangerous.

 

We're going to have to talk about this in PMs

 

Feel better.  (I am going to try to Vit. C)

[[Gr...]]

I'm holding good today... Last night I got some burning in my limbs and my stomach felt painfully bad, I think all the stress caught up to me. I didn't sleep well last night, but doing surprisingly well today. My lil guy woke up in a ton of pain this morning, but he's doing better now. Hope everyone is well, Jenny

 

Glad to hear things are well.  That's the change, that we don't feel as bad as we used to feel the next day.  Glad to hear your little boy is feeling better.

[[be...]]

FYI ... reflux ... I use Ranitidine 150 mg ... when the reflux starts really bugging me ... no adverse response to this drug ... only use occasionally ...

 

Marketed as an OTC acid reducer ...

 

....Nova. thanks so much. I talked to the phaacist and he thought starting with something that is not a ppi and being vigilant about when and what to eat is an acceptable approach for a week or so and then consider a ppi if it isn't improving. He thinks ( and I agree ) that physicians want to pull out the big guns right out of the shute... I do think things are improving somewhat.  I have already mowed down my GABA with benzos....I kind of didnt want to turn off the pumps as well....lol.....

....How are you doing as your day goes along?.....What are you having with your meatloaf?.  ...thanks again Nova....coop

 

Hey Coop, I think trying the Mylanta first is a good idea. I tried it and also Tums but it didn't last long enough. I had reflux 24- 7 in the beginning ...so I had to pull out the big guns. I am down to taking a zantac once or twice a week..I was taking it everyday for many months.

When the stomach is happy my other symptoms are lower.

I wonder if Nova will have mashed potatoes with his meatloaf? 😁

 

....Beulah....thanks so much...knowing that you had this 24/7 is greatly reassuring to me....although I hate it that you suffered night and day with it. I have it constantly but with some breaks. The Gaviscon seems to be helping.  The cough is much better.  The upper belly pain is still stabbing me from time to time but not as often..  Maybe maybe this will resolve and I can stop droning on and on about it and driving everyone crazy....

  .yum, Nova's dinner sounds so good.  Makes me want to eat.....How were you through the rest of your low and slow day?....I had a lot of anxiety through the first half of the day, but in the afternoon it leveled out, but still going on the slow side of things.  I can handle all the w/d sx that are lingering...but the physical sx feed my health anxiety ... I really think it is my last sx.  but it is the mother of all sx...I am sure I will be using Drew's list of CBT exercises.. .

......Wishing you a goid eve ing Beulah....with a yummy dinner.....coop

 

I hope the Gaviscon helps you, you need some relief from it.

Yes, Nova's meal does sound good,it would make me hungry if I hadn't already eaten..I had Mashed Potatoes..nah,I'm kidding  I actually had some perch, home fries and Cole slaw.

I am still in a two day wave..whew, hope it's gone tomorrow, I have a hair appointment that I have already cancelled twice. It feels like the flu with burning skin and tightness all over, I have taken two Tylenol..not much relief.

Hoping this is a healing wave. Keeping it low and slow. Hope you have a good night.

 

 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Green, ...I am so glad you got such a stretch of sleep...And all that bike riding is going to come back to you...Mercy! Green, I can't believe you woke up and talked to your cardiologist in the middle of an ablation....can't believe you got through an ablation without losing your mind....I can't get through an ultrasound without riding the edge of a panic....Doesn't it just make you wish we could step into a magic tunnel , turn around 3x and emerge healed from all ills....

  .Just this little rag bag of sx left to drag around for a few more months....Even with the crazy making reflux I am so much better than this time last year.. You are too....we just need to carry on with Nova.....Wishing you more good sleep tonight.....coop

 

Thank you, Coop. 

 

Have you tried the Vitamin C?

 

And, yes, we are a lot better than last year, even with the rag bag, I know that.  But the rag bag can be a challenge, have to stay low and slow!

 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... in it's own weird way it is reassuring to hear what happened for you today ... it helps me stay with it ... for me a pretty lousy day ... some times I feel like I am not going to make it and I read what someone else has experienced and I know I will be okay eventually ...

 

Sorry you had that kind of outing ...

 

Guts and head pressure and funky eyes ... and feel like the Michelin Man with absolutely no energy ...

 

Nova, hearing what everybody posts here is the only thing that helps me stay with it.  No, things are not great right now, they're just not rock bottom, which is where I was coming from.

 

Like you, I've been having days where I can take a pretty good walk.  And in the normal world of linear healing, I would expect to be able to build on that and get stronger every day, at least that's what my brain wants to do.  In the land of benzo withdrawal, a good, strong day can be followed by an awful day, or a barely getting by day, like today.

 

It's a cruel teaser to get the very good days and then have to give them up.  It's very hard to stay grateful and patient.

 

My symptoms are cycling, the fatigue came back, but so far it hasn't been really bad, just not a lot energy.  To me, really bad fatigue is I don't get off the couch the whole day.  I'm hoping I don't go to really bad again, I'm hoping 18.5 was my last really bad wave.  But I am having days where I can't do very much at all.  I also get severely pregnant, with the skin of the abdomen stretched tight across the gut.  And then it goes away.

 

I think a lot of what we're getting is last gasp withdrawal.  But no way to know how long.  MikeJee just came back with a bad five days.

 

Don't worry, Nova, you'll be out there with those sticks, I'm putting money on it.

[[dr...]]

Coop-dinner tonight is slow cooked Adobo Chicken made with a heritage breed organic chicken from a local farm.  Going to be served w garlic rice and some tangy vegetable TBD.

 

As I was bored and pondering this mess at work today I was wondering what is currently a symptom from my cold and from recovery.  Many of the symptoms are very similar w sinus and head stuff.  I realized I was having little to no anxiety w the Boatiness, headaches, etc....    I was now wondering if I don't have anxiety at all because I can pin it all on the cold?  I have the reason so no worry.  In benzoland my brain wants to worry.  If I have the symptoms without the cold I try to accept them as normal I'm usually not this chill. If I am TRULY accepting what I feel I shouldn't have any added anxiety by me.  It seems I may not be as full of acceptance as I thought. Just the next phase to work on. 

 

On a similar path...I was getting a haircut today and the shampoo gave me a cold tingly sensation. It started my anxiety.  I felt like I needed to move out of the chair but then I said "what better practice than now to put my tools to work".  I just sat there and breathed through the anxiety.  Within five minutes I was back into heavy conversation and forgot about it. Oh...this came up in conversation. Her dad has MS and complains to her it feels like water running over his brain...wtf...I get that b   luckily I never had it until recently so I'm not worrying.  Oy!  Fun times never end. I now have the weird tingles on the left side of head. Omm...ommmm,....

 

Disclaimer and small print-, all of the above is in reference to me adding my "own" anxiety or ptsd stuff.  If those nasty chemical waves hit w nasty surges that's a whole nother story that I just have to ride out. No learned skills work on that shit 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... for Baylissa try ...

 

http://www.recovery-road.org/

 

Thank you!

[[mr...]]

Green, Coop ~ I do the vitamin C thang...works great!  Although, I do not take it past 6pm at night...it's not harmful or anything, but it can slow down your natural production of melatonin so it can delay your ability to fall asleep a bit if you take it later in the evening   I take a time-released, natural vitamin C that has bioflavonoids in it (helps with absorption).  I take 500mg right away in the morning when I wake up (7-7:30am), another 500mg at lunch time (12-1pm), and another 1,000mg at suppertime (5-6pm).  I do 1,000mg at supper because I usually exercise in the evenings after work, and I want the vitamin C to help the cortisol raise from exercise.  For me, the vitamin C negates the "cortisol surges", or "adrenaline surges", and the accompanying sweating, tremors, etc symptoms.  If you've noticed you experience a "cortisol surge" post-workout (it can be delayed by a few hours too), it has worked great for me in preventing them ~ hence 1,000mg at suppertime   Anyways, LOL   You know me, I can get rolling about nutrients and vitamins!!!!

 

drew, I can sometimes respond/react those ways to benign things also, on occasion.  It is getting better all the time.  And, it is not something I ever experienced pre-withdrawal.  So, it will go away   That does not stop me from working on it in the meantime, though   I work hard at being very stubbornly AGAINST going with fear!

 

Anyways, just stopping by to say hi and throw 2 cents on the pile   Hope all is well!

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Drew, I TOTALLY get your last post. Every single time I have been at the doctor this month he gives me a reasonable cause of my 'immenent death' sx... it makes total sense to me and I get home with NO anxiety because I am able to shift the anxiety to the harmless diagnosis he had provided....until the sx comes back or dies not resolve. I too, put this in 2 catalogues of health anxiety....the sx which may or may not be real and definable but is being placed in a box aside from w/d by diagnosis...i.e...." oh, whew!.. not a heart attack, not a blood clot on my lung" = immediate relief of level 110 health panic....Then the residue health anxiety of w/d.  The looping crazed  cascading type that as you say, no amount of practice really impacts.. it just has to burn off. .  I can still get stuck on the diagnosed sx ...such as , we'll it wasn't a heart attack, but it's not 25 minutes after the diagnosis so why isn't it gone...why does it keep coming back, what if something was missed, does the doctor really know .. what if he is just writing me off as an anxiety 'case'...etc etc etc....that's all w/d ...I know it will eventually go away...but I am sure that I will die of a fatal misdiagnosed condition before I heal...lol...The circular crazed loops of a hypochondriac mind....so sadly different than A Beautiful Mind. 

......Drew we may always have some health neuroses to work CBT magic on, but the runaway mind stuff will end.

....Your dinner sounds sooo good. I love chicken , but I find that even the commercial organic ones don't seem or taste like real chicken to me so I rarely buy chicken at all. I don't know of a local chicken farm...I should research ...I remember the roast chickens my mother cooked all those years ago and the chicken was sweet and plump and juicy .  and it didn't smell bad after one day in the fridge. ..

...Have a good night fellow ' Woody Allen'    coop

[[Co...]]

Mrs. I was using one to two EmergenC  packets every day in tea but now with the reflux trying to heal I have backed off of it. ....I do think it helped greatly with cortisol rushes.

...Thank you so much for sharing all the tips, links and articles that you come across. What would we do without each other......love to you Mrs.    coop

 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... a good discussion yesterday about the distinction between the drug stuff and personal stuff ... and the stress and tension we experience when trying to distinguish between the two ... they do seem to be two different "worlds" ...

 

I got some sleep and feel quite tired this morning ... I suppose I am feeling the fatigue of being in the wave place for a couple of days ...

 

And also feeling the impatience of wanting to be done with the drug stuff ... oh well ... just have to recognize and accept where I am today and continue to be patient ...

 

Low and slow again today ... 

[[Sk...]]

Green ... in it's own weird way it is reassuring to hear what happened for you today ... it helps me stay with it ... for me a pretty lousy day ... some times I feel like I am not going to make it and I read what someone else has experienced and I know I will be okay eventually ...

 

Sorry you had that kind of outing ...

 

Guts and head pressure and funky eyes ... and feel like the Michelin Man with absolutely no energy ...

 

Nova, hearing what everybody posts here is the only thing that helps me stay with it.  No, things are not great right now, they're just not rock bottom, which is where I was coming from.

 

Like you, I've been having days where I can take a pretty good walk.  And in the normal world of linear healing, I would expect to be able to build on that and get stronger every day, at least that's what my brain wants to do.  In the land of benzo withdrawal, a good, strong day can be followed by an awful day, or a barely getting by day, like today.

 

It's a cruel teaser to get the very good days and then have to give them up.  It's very hard to stay grateful and patient.

 

My symptoms are cycling, the fatigue came back, but so far it hasn't been really bad, just not a lot energy.  To me, really bad fatigue is I don't get off the couch the whole day.  I'm hoping I don't go to really bad again, I'm hoping 18.5 was my last really bad wave.  But I am having days where I can't do very much at all.  I also get severely pregnant, with the skin of the abdomen stretched tight across the gut.  And then it goes away.

 

I think a lot of what we're getting is last gasp withdrawal.  But no way to know how long.  MikeJee just came back with a bad five days.

 

Don't worry, Nova, you'll be out there with those sticks, I'm putting money on it.

 

About the good day and bad day pattern, I used to cry bitter tears when my good day ended.

 

Now, I just think that the bad day lasts only 24 hours and will soon be over.

 

How far we have come !

[[Ko...]]

Green - thanks for another reassuring response. I'm sorry that you are suffering again and had to stop your walk.  I was glad to hear you got some decent sleep last night.  Funny, I did too. Slept from 5 am to 7:30a then again 8:30 to 12:30.  Slept again this afternoon. Hope that continues, although it didn't help me with improving my Sx. I'm mostly on the sofa all day unless I have to go to the grocery store. I do walk my little dog, but it's a very short walk, just can't go far without cramping up. I believe you when you say we're going to get better. Just wish it would happen sooner rather than later.

 

Coop - I understand your reasoning now for not wanting to use Prilosec. Another over the counter medicine that works for me is Pepcid Complete. It's a combination of a Rolex & Pepcid. It works quickly and always stops my reflux when I take it in the night. I like it because you can just chew the tablet. It's not cheap though, but it's worth it. Don't buy the store brand it's cheaper but doesn't work as well.

[[No...]]

Korbe ... hope you get some sleep again today ... even if it is broken up I think it helps with the fatigue and healing ... 

[[No...]]

Well ... my end of wave morning has morphed in a panic episode ... never a dull moment ...

 

So more time to hang out and stay slow and quiet for a while ... 

[[Co...]]

Oh, Nova....damn this stuff!....I hope your panic rolled out. It is so cruel that this far out we still get panics. I know you are so well practiced at riding them out, but so miserable no matter how practiced we are. I hope you can get some rest after it burns off.  Thinking of you Nova....coop

[[Co...]]

Oh, Nova....damn this stuff!....I hope your panic rolled out. It is so cruel that this far out we still get panics. I know you are so well practiced at riding them out, but so miserable no matter how practiced we are. I hope you can get some rest after it burns off.  Thinking of you Nova....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... I see you are up early out there ... yes, the panic burned off ... always does ... now I sort of have rolled back into this wave ... tough sledding today ...

 

Hope you are doing okay ... 

[[Co...]]

Yep.  was awake at 330 with mild anxiety and

nausea..  it will pass as soon as I get up...I am just not getting up at 330.. I think I drifted off again for an hour.

....Nova I hope your wave day lifts into a better day with some sunbreaks....sending love.  .coop

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Coop, and Nova..you are both up early with the chickens. I woke up at 2 and was able to fall back asleep for another 4 hours, but with some crazy dreams.

I am still in a partial wave, the flu feeling is better but still have the burning skin and tightness.

Started raining again here and I'm not going anywhere today. The hair appointment will be cancelled again, thinking I might have to find a new stylist or do my own hair...oh well.

The dinner menu for today is..

Homemade veggie soup

Grilled cheese sandwiches

Cucumber salad

Maybe a small bit of frozen yogurt later.

 

Keeping it low and slow.

[[...]]

Hello all,

 

It sounds like things are a bit iffy for a lot. Well I will join the club then. I don't know how to describe everything today as nothing is majorly overbearing. 'Things' just don't feel right though and mostly I feel totally fed up and could have a strop at any time. Sleep has been rubbish the last few nights so the tiredness drags you down. Got that concrete brain thing going on and vibrations on and off. All we can do is keep doing what we are doing, relish those easier times and keep reminding that it will be over soon and we will be all better and so, so, so grateful. Bouncing along with renewed energy and vitality 

[[mr...]]

Heya gang,

 

Check out the latest success story, especially the bolded part about 18 months!

 

We ALL heal! I needed this lil reminder today

 

Mrs.

 

 

After over 3 years of being off benzodiazepines I am completely healed. I think today I'm a far better person than I was before the benzo endeavors. I'm more calm than most people in the most stressful situations, I'm more clear headed and live life with a humorous side. Definitely fully recovered. I'm not sure when all the symptoms went away as it looked hopeless going 18 plus months in cog fog and twitches and ticks but for the last year I been as healthy as ever. Still in the process of rebuilding my life moved to Ohio from Maine and making a ton of friends and working full time. Only issue is I get bored sometimes besides that live love life

 

Hope this gives any benzobuddies going through protracted withdrawal a glimmer of hope

 

I will say this I did use marijuana for about a year towards the end of my benzo withdrawal time and it helped with uplifting my mood and anxiety was eased because of it. I no longer use marijuana because it does make me lazy but it did help me tremendously.

 

Live Love life