12-18 month support

[[...]]

I've been reading here...but not posting much. I was feeling SO good, but caught this horrid cold and back in a wave now. 

 

I haven't posted much here, but I've been reading like I said, cause I'm still a tad over a month and a half from 12 months!

 

How are you this afternoon?

 

[[je...]]

So sorry about the cold, they can really knock you down sometimes. Glad to hear your still around! I'm doing fairly well today, thanks for asking  jenny

 

PS -- can't believe your almost at month 12!

[[Sk...]]

GMIT, how are you doing ? Cute ticker too !

 

Hi everybody, I am in a bit of a  rush. But I wanted to give a quick update here. I am packing,we are leaving tomorrow to spend Christmas with my mother in the  South of Italy. I have not seen her in  a year.  I am very excited even though today, I worked a lot and I was in my bad day of wd. Tomorrow should be my day off wd, that would be just great. I am also worried, I know that my mother's health has gotten worse, my cat has feline stress and has ripped all her fur out and my dog has put on a lot of weight. I just hope I will remember that there is only so much I can do,  my healing comes before anything else, even my Superman syndrome !

 

I have just gotten back from a walk after dinner with mr Sky. We went to the square to see the Xmas decorations. It was so foggy you could not see from one side of the square to the other, it was so romantic. And the fog was bubbly, it was fun and I felt full of hope and my symptoms calmed down for a second.

 

Yesterday, I was in the throes of a crushing anxiety and so I got out of the house and went for a nice bike ride by myself, to visiti my favourite spots and this helped a little. I have almost no muscles left, some really small efforts are very taxing. Like I am totally exhausted from almost packing my suitcase  !!!

 

What will I do when I get back to my frisky two year old ( 2!! I missed out on a whole year of hers !! )) who wants to play like all the time ?

 

I' m rambling, I know. I wish you all a good night, I will get on with my packing.

 

Michael, happy anniversary.

 

 

[[...]]

Jenny, so glad you're doing well...I love hearing that!

 

Sky, you sound great! Have a wonderful time in Italy!!

 

[[Gr...]]

GMIT, how are you doing ? Cute ticker too !

 

Hi everybody, I am in a bit of a  rush. But I wanted to give a quick update here. I am packing,we are leaving tomorrow to spend Christmas with my mother in the  South of Italy. I have not seen her in  a year.  I am very excited even though today, I worked a lot and I was in my bad day of wd. Tomorrow should be my day off wd, that would be just great. I am also worried, I know that my mother's health has gotten worse, my cat has feline stress and has ripped all her fur out and my dog has put on a lot of weight. I just hope I will remember that there is only so much I can do,  my healing comes before anything else, even my Superman syndrome !

I have just gotten back from a walk after dinner with mr Sky. We went to the square to see the Xmas decorations. It was so foggy you could not see from one side of the square to the other, it was so romantic. And the fog was bubbly, it was fun and I felt full of hope and my symptoms calmed down for a second.

 

Yesterday, I was in the throes of a crushing anxiety and so I got out of the house and went for a nice bike ride by myself, to visiti my favourite spots and this helped a little. I have almost no muscles left, some really small efforts are very taxing. Like I am totally exhausted from almost packing my suitcase  !!!

 

What will I do when I get back to my frisky two year old ( 2!! I missed out on a whole year of hers !! )) who wants to play like all the time ?

 

I' m rambling, I know. I wish you all a good night, I will get on with my packing.

 

Michael, happy anniversary.

 

Sky, have the best, most wonderful Christmas ever.  I'm so sorry about that cat and its fur. 

And do like I do for stressful situations -- my mind just shuts down, and then I get DP/DR and forget everything that happened!

 

Seriously, have a wonderful time?  Will we not hear from you until after the holiday?

[[Gr...]]

Jenny...I believe you are right.  This lonely feeling is the worst. All tied  in with depression and lack of sleep.  Very hard to get the mind going in a positive direction.  That's is what we could all use at this point...positive thoughts. Would be nice to meet folks in person who have a good feel for what each other is going through.  I am sure there are support groups out there also.

 

Gart and Jenny,

 

I know what it is to have that overwhelming urge to connect with someone going through this.  Even though we know what's going on, withdrawal is an extremely lonely journey, nobody in our lives can truly understand what we're going through.  I have talked with people who experienced it, but since they were healed they could only offer reassurance, not much more, they weren't feeling it anymore.  And I've had days when I felt really good, and I couldn't connect with people here on BB.  I think when we heal, it's going to be like Neverland, we're just going to forget, it's going to be like something that happened a long time ago.

 

 

Green,

 

I could have written that post! I have a very hard time connecting sometimes, and when I feel good I forget how bad I can get.. I think you are absolutely right, once we are healed it will be a memory forgotten... Kinda like childbirth, you forget how painful it was. Jenny

 

Yes, like childbirth.  Only childbirth doesn't last two years, lol!

[[Sk...]]

GMIT, how are you doing ? Cute ticker too !

 

Hi everybody, I am in a bit of a  rush. But I wanted to give a quick update here. I am packing,we are leaving tomorrow to spend Christmas with my mother in the  South of Italy. I have not seen her in  a year.  I am very excited even though today, I worked a lot and I was in my bad day of wd. Tomorrow should be my day off wd, that would be just great. I am also worried, I know that my mother's health has gotten worse, my cat has feline stress and has ripped all her fur out and my dog has put on a lot of weight. I just hope I will remember that there is only so much I can do,  my healing comes before anything else, even my Superman syndrome !

I have just gotten back from a walk after dinner with mr Sky. We went to the square to see the Xmas decorations. It was so foggy you could not see from one side of the square to the other, it was so romantic. And the fog was bubbly, it was fun and I felt full of hope and my symptoms calmed down for a second.

 

Yesterday, I was in the throes of a crushing anxiety and so I got out of the house and went for a nice bike ride by myself, to visiti my favourite spots and this helped a little. I have almost no muscles left, some really small efforts are very taxing. Like I am totally exhausted from almost packing my suitcase  !!!

 

What will I do when I get back to my frisky two year old ( 2!! I missed out on a whole year of hers !! )) who wants to play like all the time ?

 

I' m rambling, I know. I wish you all a good night, I will get on with my packing.

 

Michael, happy anniversary.

 

Sky, have the best, most wonderful Christmas ever.  I'm so sorry about that cat and its fur. 

And do like I do for stressful situations -- my mind just shuts down, and then I get DP/DR and forget everything that happened!

 

Seriously, have a wonderful time?  Will we not hear from you until after the holiday?

 

Sue, you wish !

[[...]]

This darn cold has my gastroparesis in overdrive, along with the wd! I took a phenergan yesterday because I was so extremely nauseous. It knocked me out! This morning the nausea is back, but not quite as bad!

 

I realize that the "feeling" I'm experiencing is like fear. Not fear of anything specific, just like I feel fearful. It's so strange, and feels so bad!

 

I hope everyone is well today!

 

[[Gr...]]

GMIT, how are you doing ? Cute ticker too !

 

Hi everybody, I am in a bit of a  rush. But I wanted to give a quick update here. I am packing,we are leaving tomorrow to spend Christmas with my mother in the  South of Italy. I have not seen her in  a year.  I am very excited even though today, I worked a lot and I was in my bad day of wd. Tomorrow should be my day off wd, that would be just great. I am also worried, I know that my mother's health has gotten worse, my cat has feline stress and has ripped all her fur out and my dog has put on a lot of weight. I just hope I will remember that there is only so much I can do,  my healing comes before anything else, even my Superman syndrome !

I have just gotten back from a walk after dinner with mr Sky. We went to the square to see the Xmas decorations. It was so foggy you could not see from one side of the square to the other, it was so romantic. And the fog was bubbly, it was fun and I felt full of hope and my symptoms calmed down for a second.

 

Yesterday, I was in the throes of a crushing anxiety and so I got out of the house and went for a nice bike ride by myself, to visiti my favourite spots and this helped a little. I have almost no muscles left, some really small efforts are very taxing. Like I am totally exhausted from almost packing my suitcase  !!!

 

What will I do when I get back to my frisky two year old ( 2!! I missed out on a whole year of hers !! )) who wants to play like all the time ?

 

I' m rambling, I know. I wish you all a good night, I will get on with my packing.

 

Michael, happy anniversary.

 

Sky, have the best, most wonderful Christmas ever.  I'm so sorry about that cat and its fur. 

And do like I do for stressful situations -- my mind just shuts down, and then I get DP/DR and forget everything that happened!

 

Seriously, have a wonderful time?  Will we not hear from you until after the holiday?

 

Sue, you wish !

 

Okay, I'm here, we're here

[[Fi...]]

People!  Just want to check in saying that I am waking up feeling energetic and optimistic!  This will be day three in good mode, a new recent record!  Skipping my usual wine seems to have calmed the heart palps.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...I've been posting on 6-12 but it has slowed down without you all   I hope you don't mind me posting here. 

 

I had my annual physical and well guys n gals I got myself so worked up about my EKG that I was reading Google at 3am.  My dr. want s to refer me to a cardiologist to just be safe. I have an inverted T wave which can be a normal variant.  He said and I quote "The EKG confirmed the findings that the ER visit noted(this was from when I freaked in Denver a few months ago) and I would like to consider a cardiology evaluation-we can certainly discuss in person; as long as you do not have chest pain this isn't urgent;if you have pain go to the ER" 

 

I just sent myself into a panic.  racing heart, dry heaves, etc....  I read on the internet that a change in T wave is always pathogenic..I am such an idiot for googling.  I spoke to a trusted friend/therapist and he said that if my doc was really concerned he would have sent you to the ER immediately and a few days won't make a differnce.  Even the ER doc was not concerned when I was there three months ago and I had a reallly good stress test in April.  My concern was/is that something changed and I was going to drop dead.  Mind you I am 46 and family has no history of heart disease at a younger age.  Even if I did have some abnormality it dopesn't mean I'll drop dead.  there are many things they can do to treat it.    I feel so stupid for getting worked up. 

[[mr...]]

Hi all...I've been posting on 6-12 but it has slowed down without you all   I hope you don't mind me posting here. 

 

I had my annual physical and well guys n gals I got myself so worked up about my EKG that I was reading Google at 3am.  My dr. want s to refer me to a cardiologist to just be safe. I have an inverted T wave which can be a normal variant.  He said and I quote "The EKG confirmed the findings that the ER visit noted(this was from when I freaked in Denver a few months ago) and I would like to consider a cardiology evaluation-we can certainly discuss in person; as long as you do not have chest pain this isn't urgent;if you have pain go to the ER" 

 

I just sent myself into a panic.  racing heart, dry heaves, etc....  I read on the internet that a change in T wave is always pathogenic..I am such an idiot for googling.  I spoke to a trusted friend/therapist and he said that if my doc was really concerned he would have sent you to the ER immediately and a few days won't make a differnce.  Even the ER doc was not concerned when I was there three months ago and I had a reallly good stress test in April.  My concern was/is that something changed and I was going to drop dead.  Mind you I am 46 and family has no history of heart disease at a younger age.  Even if I did have some abnormality it doesn't mean I'll drop dead.  there are many things they can do to treat it.    I feel so stupid for getting worked up.

 

Drew,

 

I'm going to apologize for the "TMI" quotient here...but a while back, when I noticed my right breast was leaking brown fluid, I about pooped my pants.  No, I mean like literally almost pooped my pants -- had to run to the nearest potty & everything!   I had it all checked out and had the leaky duct removed, and it all checked out just fine.  Of course.  Another "non-benzo" normal healthy acquaintance of mine literally peed her pants when the doctor found a lump on her breast (again, everything checked out fine).  What I'm trying to say, rather inarticulately, is that I don't think your initial reaction is one that is out of the "norm" per say.  I think we, as "benzo recoverees", often are hard on ourselves if we react in any way that is not 100% "normal" or "perfect".  But even after 100% health, we'll still have times where we're feeling "anticipation" or "overexcitement" (I will not say "anxious" or "panicky"!).  When I'd try out for a musical, I'd feel it.  When I would give a public speech, I'd feel it.  You know what I mean?  So, listening to a medical report can also create those feelings, even in "normal" people.  Long story short: I think you're quite normal, kid   I think its just that we're just DONE feeling like that, like, EVER again so we're kinda annoyed and/or sensitive to it!

 

Oh, and P.S...you've now had three different doctors (the E.R. doctor in Colorado; the doctor's office you called shortly after getting home to evaluate it (remember?); and now the doctor you just saw) evaluate your EKG and tell you that it's no big deal.  Yep.   Schedule that visit to the cardiologist, and let him be the fourth doctor to tell you the same -- and the final doctor, since he's a specialist in this area   Your cardiologist will be quite encouraging, I think you'll find!  And, I've found that they seem to know a lot more about benzos than most regular MDs do, which is so nice!

 

Hope you're feeling better soon, Drew   And avoid dumb 'ole "Dr. Google"!  He don't know anything besides what you tell him he knows anyways...

 

Take care buddy

 

Mrs.

 

 

[[...]]

FJ, I'm so happy for you on your third day of feeling well! It's so awesome when we feel that way!!

 

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just read a few posts and was intrigued by Michael's (Nova's) about a voice giving him a message.  Various people have God and angels speak to them during this.  I sure God would talk to me because I am hopeless whenever I'm in a wave.

 

What is the experience like?  My husband had God talk to him twice. It was brief, only one short command and one statement.

 

Anyone else have God or an angel talk to them?

 

I worry I will never heal and be in this f-d up reality forever.

[[...]]

I have not heard his voice but would love to!

 

We jumped about the same time, I can totally relate! This is going on to long!!

 

Sending 

[[Gr...]]

People!  Just want to check in saying that I am waking up feeling energetic and optimistic!  This will be day three in good mode, a new recent record!  Skipping my usual wine seems to have calmed the heart palps.

 

WhooHoo!  It's hard to believe a little bit of wine would make such a difference, but I'm not surprised.

[[li...]]

hi all,

 

Checking in. Just wanted to say that I am feeling that my identity is no longer tied to withdrawing from benzos. I did not think that this woudl ever happen to me 9 at least not this fast). I have immersed myself back into life. It has not been easy but I have been highly productive and things that used to bother me no longer do.

 

I write this because it was not event 2 months ago that I thought I would never get well again. I am not 100% yet ( like 85%) but it is a bearable and enjoyable even 85%.

 

I also write to say to everyone that you all will truly heal -- even if you doubt it.  Healing is right around the corner friends. My love and respect to all! You will heal no matter what you may think in a wave -- you will heal! And you can be as productive as ever! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

Love,

Life

[[...]]

Life...thank you, thank you, thank you!! I needed this!

 

I'm so very happy for you!!

 

 

[[dr...]]

Yes life...always great to read and see someone ahead of me busting the benzo lies.

[[He...]]

Hi everyone!

 

My wave seems to be OVER, and I am so very thankful!  I got through my daughter's birthday, the last day of school before Christmas break, more basketball games, and I am feeling probably back up to 95%.  I even came home from school today and took a nap!  I remember when saying that I would know I was healed when I could take a nap and wake up feeling good.  Well, not ready to declare healed (by any stretch of the imagination), but it sure feels good to no longer have toxic naps! 

 

Drew, I'm glad you are on this thread and I think that you should stay with us.  I'll be praying for your upcoming cardiologist appointment and that you find peace in the waiting.  I think it's the waiting that can be the hardest.  I believe that you are going to be fine, but I'm sure this is very, very scary for you!

 

I can't stay around because I am off to another basketball game....'tis the season. LOL! 

 

Love to you,

HH

 

PS...Life, GREAT to see you!  And FJ, I'm thrilled you are having a good string of days!! 

[[dr...]]

Yay HH!  This constant wonderful posts of people feeling good is so helpful. 

 

I'm actually in an okay state of mind. I realize the dr just needs to cover his fanny and it will just give me the best reassurance I need. A wise woman named mrs pm'd me about this.  It could always be something but odds are that I'm healthy.  Btw-i opened that damn email when I got home late from a Xmas party. I had two wines and a soufflé.  My heart was racing from all the sugar and I read the Goigle in that state at 3am.  Set myself up for freak out. Took a long nap  Actually calm now. 

[[je...]]

Fj and HH-- great news!! I'm so happy for both of you

Gmit-- I hope you feel better soon 

Life4me-- hey there jumping buddy! So great to hear from you, I'm feeling about 85% on my good days too. Please keep checking in, I've missed you.

Peace--thinking of you 

 

 

[[mr...]]

Yay HH!  This constant wonderful posts of people feeling good is so helpful. 

 

I'm actually in an okay state of mind. I realize the dr just needs to cover his fanny and it will just give me the best reassurance I need. A wise woman named mrs pm'd me about this.  It could always be something but odds are that I'm healthy.  Btw-i opened that damn email when I got home late from a Xmas party. I had two wines and a soufflé.  My heart was racing from all the sugar and I read the Goigle in that state at 3am.  Set myself up for freak out. Took a long nap  Actually calm now. 

 

Btw-i opened that damn email when I got home late from a Xmas party.

 

 

I had two wines and a soufflé.

 

:nono:

 

My heart was racing from all the sugar and I read the Goigle in that state at 3am.

 

:nono:

 

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

How are you feeling Jenny? I hope you're feeling better!

 

[[je...]]

Hi gmit,

 

Much better today