12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Nova.  Father Wisdom to all of us on our thread...Happy Father's Day to you. ...You have been here with and for us every single day with support, encouragement, humor and recipes..  as well as your truth and vulnerability.  Thank you.. 

...love to you..  coop

 

Nova, I second everything Coop wrote. I remember one night you were up reading.well actually listening to a book, you kept your light on here..just in case someone needed support.

I couldn't sleep that night and you assured me that you would be on here...keeping watch.

Your kind and selfless acts don't go unnoticed.

Thank you for being here for us.

Happy Fathers Day to you.

 

....As well, thank you for the nights you sat up with me as I rode one panic after another....I feel like you live next door. .and I wish you did..  I need more cookies than I am getting...

 

Nova, you've been as constant as the northern star, no matter how much you were suffering yourself.  You were the first to tap into the concept of "our community," a community of kindness, of healing, and of support.  Not to mention all the good food and baking.  Hope this was a good day for you.

[[Gr...]]

Just dropping in to say that, after 2 years of calorie counting and vigorous daily exercise, I'm finally seeing the pounds fall off.  8 lbs in a month to be exact.  I'm not doing anything different; it's just like my metabolism is returning to its pre-benzo level.  I gained weight both while on benzos and during withdrawal and couldn't lose even a single pound until now.  I went from 117 lbs to 138 lbs during my benzo journey.  Maybe it was all the cortisol circulating in my body...or the "emotional eating".  Whatever it was, it did not respond to my obsessive weight loss attempts.  Until now. 

 

Weight loss seems to be more common than weight gain, but I've seen a couple Buddies report weight gain.  Have hope!  Homeostasis will be restored.  Healthy eating and exercise are their own reward. 

 

 

 

 

Above is another success on here with the weight gain, it does go away. I craved a ton of sugar and carbs in early w/d, and also could not drop any weight -- I only gained 7 pounds, but still could not drop weight. It all goes away.

 

Jenny, after my initial painful c/t weight loss, I was a withdrawal "gainer," so I'm happy to hear that this weight is coming off so easily.  I suspected it would.  I have never had a gut, but most of my weight seems to be sitting in that benzo belly now.

 

I am so happy to hear things are better, happy for you, and happy for me, too, and all of us here, cuz we're all next!  Hope you enjoyed the day with hub and the boys.

[[Gr...]]

The endless self-absorption and Rumination over one's symptoms.  The selfishness.  Can people advise if it goes away, at least somewhat, in a window?

 

I am so tired of myself... the non-stop self-centered chatter.  I want to be able to focus outward at least a little bit, some of the time.  Maybe I've been able to in past partial windows.  I don't remember.

 

Thanks, all.

Serenity 

 

Serenity, we are all shamefully self absorbed throughout this ordeal.  How can we not be?  The intense and confusing number of symptoms keeps us very busy.

 

I tried to do "selfless" things in the first year, I visited my ex frequently in a nursing home, I helped an elderly neighbor with some grocery shopping.  In my second year I realized I needed to really take very good care of me, and I am.  I am a very generous, caring person, and when I feel better, I will go back to being that person.  This is really hard, no one gives us any credit or validation for how hard it is, and so we have to take very good care of ourselves.

[[Gr...]]

One more post!...

 

Sky, Green,

 

Is it one of the two of you who has dealt with palps & elevated heartrate? I wanted to share with you! I recently discovered! ~ eating a higher sodium meal can elevate my heartrate a bit! Whoa! Eating low sodium or no sodium makes a big difference! For me, anyways Anyways, lol...don't know why I didn't notice this before! Have you? Or any other foods that you are mindful of?

 

Thanks for the tips! Hope all is well

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., Sodium can be a problem.  However, I can get elevated heart rate and palps from a drink of water, with me it's unprovoked.

 

And Sky was the one who had bad palps and vibrations.

 

And still does , might I add ? 

 

Especially tonight !

 

Sky, they're really miserable, the vibrations? 

[[Co...]]

Green-

There are two kinds of unisom, two different drugs. One of them does nothing for me. The other is the golden ticket when my body is revving beyond rest. It's the doxylamine that works for me.

 

Have you tried the unisom with that active ingredient?

 

And thanks for the love. I'll keep holding on. Month 18.5, I can do that.

 

Peace2

 

No, I didn't try the doxy, I tried the other, which had no effect, except I think it worsened the vibrations.  I will look for the doxy, maybe order it online.

 

And, yes, you hang on, better times are coming.  I was very, very challenged 17-18.5.  It was very hard, thank goodness I had Coop with me, she was my sista in suffering.  But this is home stretch, you're almost there. (I know I've said that before, and it wasn't always true, but it is now.  Beginning of the end.  You're there.

 

....Peace, it's true...Green and I kept each other pasted together months 16-18.5 for me. Those months were in many ways worse than acute for me. Now at month 19.5 things are turning around. I am not saying that I am days away from being healed, but my baseline is back to where it was in March.  about 80%....I am still getting hit with anxiety and health fear a couple of times a day, but usually not longer than an hour ...and in between I feel so  much healing and most of my other sx are falling away. .. Hold on Peace, you have put in one hell of a year.. Some rest and time to take care of yourself will go a long way in getting you over the next couple of months... Things definitely get better..  Wishing you some rest.....coop

[[pe...]]

Signs of healing. Went to the same restaurant for Father's Day that we did two years ago. Two years ago I was a raging mess, couldn't eat, couldn't look at my children, couldn't stand my husband. Today I enjoyed the food, played with my children, enjoyed my husband. DR and a little down, oh yes. But so much better. Tomorrow I submit my reports and send my thank you notes and close the door on this school year. Start back up at the end of August. Til then.

 

Onward.

Peace2

[[No...]]

Peace ... that is good news that you can "see" the difference ... and yes ...Onward ... 

[[No...]]

Peace and Jenny and Green ... again, thank you for your kind words ...

 

We are in this together ... and we each do what we can, when we can ... and there is no "comparison measuring" that is useful to us ...

 

We are all unique and precious ... different places, different circumstances ... and we come together in this community of encouragement and support ...

 

Bless us all ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... well, post tropical depression Bill passed by last night ... lots of wind and rain ... more entertaining than serious ... looks like we got off pretty easy ...

 

Out for an early morning drippy walk ... lead legs and tight chest and anxiety ... so it was a short one ...

 

Feeling like sitting on me arse the rest of the day ... so probably will ...

 

Looks like those bananas are ready to morph into banana bread ... 

 

Its Monday, first Monday this Summer, hope we all have a good one ...

[[Sk...]]

Sky ... you are a breath of fresh air ... 

 

Hope you had a good weekend ... 

 

Nova, actually, I really did.

 

My vibrations were really strong and that raised my heart rate but in the evening, we went to eat some fried fish at an event in a square in the city center.

My favorite square too ! Many people, lots of noise, very festive. I don't ordinarily  like fried fish but I really enjoyed it. 

 

It's the first time in 19 months that we can afford to eat out. Still waiting to actually be able to go to the restaurant, that too will be important and big.

 

Anyway, I felt a little lost but it meant so much to me. And after, we went to the countryside with our bikes to see the sun set on the longest day of the year.

 

How weak I was !! I am still very weak.

 

I was feeling bad, I really was, but today, a day later, I don't really remember the suffering, just the fun evening we had.

[[Sk...]]

One more post!...

 

Sky, Green,

 

Is it one of the two of you who has dealt with palps & elevated heartrate? I wanted to share with you! I recently discovered! ~ eating a higher sodium meal can elevate my heartrate a bit! Whoa! Eating low sodium or no sodium makes a big difference! For me, anyways Anyways, lol...don't know why I didn't notice this before! Have you? Or any other foods that you are mindful of?

 

Thanks for the tips! Hope all is well

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., Sodium can be a problem.  However, I can get elevated heart rate and palps from a drink of water, with me it's unprovoked.

 

And Sky was the one who had bad palps and vibrations.

 

And still does , might I add ? 

 

Especially tonight !

 

Sky, they're really miserable, the vibrations?

 

Sue, the vibrations are fine, they feel just great,  it's me that was miserable ! 

[[Sk...]]

Signs of healing. Went to the same restaurant for Father's Day that we did two years ago. Two years ago I was a raging mess, couldn't eat, couldn't look at my children, couldn't stand my husband. Today I enjoyed the food, played with my children, enjoyed my husband. DR and a little down, oh yes. But so much better. Tomorrow I submit my reports and send my thank you notes and close the door on this school year. Start back up at the end of August. Til then.

 

Onward.

Peace2

 

Peace, this is great. Glad that you had an opportunity to notice the difference and the improvement. Now, try to get some rest, you have done so much.

[[Co...]]

Good morning  Nova, ...Glad to hear that Bill passed you by.

...Sorry to hear that sx went on your walk with you..the chest tightness and anxiety wants to hang out with me too ..a low and slow day for me too I think....still...it's better than it was...yesterday was peaceful with little anxiety...less reflux and better appetite... Maybe a 'one good day, one bad day' rhythm....On my way to get the dog out for our walk. 

...Nova, I hope your day opens up to sunbreaks.. onward we go... we are getting better.. ..coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... the banana bread is in the oven ... hope everyone can smell it ... an extra touch of cinnamon ...

 

Got the jitters pretty good today and the throat strangling stuff ... low and slow it is ... 

[[No...]]

Sky ... a fish fry ... glad you enjoyed it ... we just keep going ... 

[[Co...]]

Sky ... you are a breath of fresh air ... 

 

Hope you had a good weekend ... 

 

Nova, actually, I really did.

 

My vibrations were really strong and that raised my heart rate but in the evening, we went to eat some fried fish at an event in a square in the city center.

My favorite square too ! Many people, lots of noise, very festive. I don't ordinarily  like fried fish but I really enjoyed it. 

 

It's the first time in 19 months that we can afford to eat out. Still waiting to actually be able to go to the restaurant, that too will be important and big.

 

Anyway, I felt a little lost but it meant so much to me. And after, we went to the countryside with our bikes to see the sun set on the longest day of the year.

 

How weak I was !! I am still very weak.

 

I was feeling bad, I really was, but today, a day later, I don't really remember the suffering, just the fun evening we had.

 

....Sky.. .What a very good day...the bike ride out to see the sunset You are a bright example of living with and in spite of sx. The weakness makes us feel that everything is so hard..  yet you get on your bike to go see the sunset...One thing about w/d....we learn to not take anything, like sunsets on the longest day for granted....Wishing you a good day.  with sunbreaks and quiet vibrations.....coop

[[Co...]]

Coop ... the banana bread is in the oven ... hope everyone can smell it ... an extra touch of cinnamon ...

 

Got the jitters pretty good today and the throat strangling stuff ... low and slow it is ... 

 

....Yes, I can smell it.  Smells wonderful!.. I will be over...I will bring the tea...lavender honey....I also have some honey butter ...Nova, when you get the jitters do they let up after a little while , or do they hang around?.....Enjoy your banana bread and a quiet day....coop

[[...]]

Hi all

 

Glad to see that Peace and Sky have had some reprieve and were able to have some ‘fun’ time. I’m so envious. It just goes to prove that it’s still there and healing IS happening.

After a difficult start on Saturday things levelled out and I managed to have a decent day. Yesterday not so good. Never mind today is better than yesterday after I tried hard to ignore intrusive thoughts this morning. They are always lingering these negative thoughts, hopefully we learn how to think differently.

I was wondering if anyone had experiences their body pain changing to a sort of internal irritation? Sort of like an internal itching that you can’t scratch. Can’t believe the awfulness we have to put up with. Anyone not going through this would be horrified at just a day of it.

 

[[No...]]

Marj ... the drug(s) affect the muscles and tendons and fascia throughout our bodies ... usually with contractions ... and we usually do not notice any release, it just occurs ... after a while we probably just notice that things are not so tense anymore ...

 

I have never been able to directly affect a release, although some have had success with massage and acupuncture ... these have not been useful for me to affect any sort of permanent release ... I suspect any sort of permanent release will have to wait until these contractions are finished ...

 

Pain morphing into itching makes an odd sort of sense ... I get crazy itches inside my shoulders and ears ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... banana bread is quite good ... haven't made it in a long while ... to whomever, thanks for the suggestions ...

 

Yes, the jitters do let up after a while ... some sort of stress/nervousness I presume ... more of a nuisance than a disturbance ...

 

Today has a lot of lethargy and stiffness and now the good old fashioned head pressure, like my toque is on too tight ...

 

Not bad for a Monday ... 

[[be...]]

Good afternoon all,

Tropical Bill finally moved out of here and the sun is shining. The flood waters are going down and we returned home today from our daughters. Our road has reopened and life is getting back to normal.

I'm going to need  a few days to rest up from all of the excitement of flooding and all of the company and noise at our daughters house.

I'm clicking my heels together and repeating " Theirs no place like home".

 

Banana bread and lavender tea..ahhhhh, I need this in my life right now.

 

Keeping it low and slow. 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... good to hear you are back home ... yep ... ain't no place like it ... be well ... 

[[...]]

Hi Nova, 

 

Yes, that helps a lot and makes perfect sense.  Massage and other relaxing things can help, however nothing is permanent. It always comes back. So crazy how in affecting the fascia they are affecting every single part of the physical body.

 

On a baking note, I am going to make carrot cake when I get home, because I can today and I have never made it before. Keeps my mind busy with nice things

[[Co...]]

Good afternoon all,

Tropical Bill finally moved out of here and the sun is shining. The flood waters are going down and we returned home today from our daughters. Our road has reopened and life is getting back to normal.

I'm going to need  a few days to rest up from all of the excitement of flooding and all of the company and noise at our daughters house.

I'm clicking my heels together and repeating " Theirs no place like home".

 

Banana bread and lavender tea..ahhhhh, I need this in my life right now.

 

Keeping it low and slow. 

 

...Beulah, I missed something along the way, I had no idea you had to leave your house due to flooding. MERCY!....If Nova and I lived next to you we would bring you lavender tea and banana bread with honey butter.. warmed a little.  We would sit low and slow with you....Yes, I can imagine that a few quiet days is just what you need. Glad to hear that things are drying out. Thinking of you....coop

.

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova, 

 

Yes, that helps a lot and makes perfect sense.  Massage and other relaxing things can help, however nothing is permanent. It always comes back. So crazy how in affecting the fascia they are affecting every single part of the physical body.

 

On a baking note, I am going to make carrot cake when I get home, because I can today and I have never made it before. Keeps my mind busy with nice things

 

Marj....yep intrusive thoughts and body pain/sensations....In the last 4 months ( month 16-19) almost all of my sx have changed from infrequent body pain to tons of brand new physical sx and trips to the physician....who finds nothing wrong ....it's w/d.  except this reflux seems pretty real, but reflux can be a w/d sx. 

.....You are really navigating your sx with a rational mind...I know you don't feel rational. Lavender Epsome Salts hot bath soaks help me every time...it only helps for awhile, but it does bring relief and gives you a little mental lift as well. ....You are right, having some nice distractions, like making carrot cake) really helps. Megan, the administrator Megan, talks about how constant distraction got her through...I think you can find her success story on the success board.  it's a good one.

  ...You are doing so good with your mental frame of thought....Wishing you some relief of the intrusive thoughts . They are definitely a w/d s/x....everyone says they go away...good luck with the carrot cake.. they are so yummy.  coop