12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Nova.  Father Wisdom to all of us on our thread...Happy Father's Day to you. ...You have been here with and for us every single day with support, encouragement, humor and recipes..  as well as your truth and vulnerability.  Thank you.. 

...love to you..  coop

 

Nova, I second everything Coop wrote. I remember one night you were up reading.well actually listening to a book, you kept your light on here..just in case someone needed support.

I couldn't sleep that night and you assured me that you would be on here...keeping watch.

Your kind and selfless acts don't go unnoticed.

Thank you for being here for us.

Happy Fathers Day to you.

 

....As well, thank you for the nights you sat up with me as I rode one panic after another....I feel like you live next door. .and I wish you did..  I need more cookies than I am getting...

[[ra...]]

MOMMYR - BULAH - FINNALY JOINING - COOPERTEN -GREENICE. Hope not missed anyone out.

 

Thank you all for replying to my query about these horrible cravings - It's reassuring to know am not alone with this weird sx. And have now learnt a new word - 'scarfing'.

 

Yesterday I reached my 18th month exactly, and would love to be able to report how well I'm doing, but am currently in a bad wave which started a few weeks ago following a month of feeing slightly better when I actually began to see the wood for the trees for the first time.

 

Am trying so hard to remain positive, but needless to say this wave has thrown me somewhat, as with all this having to eat every few hours, the GI sxs are back with vengeance,  and am now back in the throws of all the negative thoughts, with many tears - Thankfully not depression, just a very deep sadness that another Summer is here and am still stuck indoors. Although can get up more than a few months ago, so am grateful for some improvement.

 

Again I thank you very much for your replies and for letting me share your thread.

 

I wish you all healing.

 

Racksha.

 

 

 

[[je...]]

Just dropping in to say that, after 2 years of calorie counting and vigorous daily exercise, I'm finally seeing the pounds fall off.  8 lbs in a month to be exact.  I'm not doing anything different; it's just like my metabolism is returning to its pre-benzo level.  I gained weight both while on benzos and during withdrawal and couldn't lose even a single pound until now.  I went from 117 lbs to 138 lbs during my benzo journey.  Maybe it was all the cortisol circulating in my body...or the "emotional eating".  Whatever it was, it did not respond to my obsessive weight loss attempts.  Until now. 

 

Weight loss seems to be more common than weight gain, but I've seen a couple Buddies report weight gain.  Have hope!  Homeostasis will be restored.  Healthy eating and exercise are their own reward. 

 

 

 

 

Above is another success on here with the weight gain, it does go away. I craved a ton of sugar and carbs in early w/d, and also could not drop any weight -- I only gained 7 pounds, but still could not drop weight. It all goes away.

[[be...]]

Just dropping in to say that, after 2 years of calorie counting and vigorous daily exercise, I'm finally seeing the pounds fall off.  8 lbs in a month to be exact.  I'm not doing anything different; it's just like my metabolism is returning to its pre-benzo level.  I gained weight both while on benzos and during withdrawal and couldn't lose even a single pound until now.  I went from 117 lbs to 138 lbs during my benzo journey.  Maybe it was all the cortisol circulating in my body...or the "emotional eating".  Whatever it was, it did not respond to my obsessive weight loss attempts.  Until now. 

 

Weight loss seems to be more common than weight gain, but I've seen a couple Buddies report weight gain.  Have hope!  Homeostasis will be restored.  Healthy eating and exercise are their own reward. 

 

 

 

 

Above is another success on here with the weight gain, it does go away. I craved a ton of sugar and carbs in early w/d, and also could not drop any weight -- I only gained 7 pounds, but still could not drop weight. It all goes away.

 

Jenny, I was one of those that lost weight, 40 pounds. I was so sick I couldn't keep weight on, the anxiety took it off. I'm slowly putting the weight back on and feel healthier.

Yes, the weight can go either way, up or down..I have seen both.

You are sounding  so good and much healed...so happy for you!!

Returning to homeostasis is a good thing.

 

Have a Blessed Sunday.

[[Se...]]

The endless self-absorption and Rumination over one's symptoms.  The selfishness.  Can people advise if it goes away, at least somewhat, in a window?

 

I am so tired of myself... the non-stop self-centered chatter.  I want to be able to focus outward at least a little bit, some of the time.  Maybe I've been able to in past partial windows.  I don't remember.

 

Thanks, all.

Serenity 

[[Fi...]]

I hear you SN, and have been exactly where you are.  We get so damned bored with being the people we seem assigned to be.  I think it's pretty much impossible to be the kind of people we were before--"thinking of others"--when our bodies and brains keep reminding us every minute that we're sick. But the fact that you are self-aware enough to see this shows that you're not completely off-track.  When we're well, whatever we had going on before will come back.  If you weren't pathologically self-centered before, rest assured, you won't be again.  I just remember thinking so many times--Wow, I hate who I have to be here!  Now I'm GLAD to be me.  It's just a matter of time and getting well.  It will happen.

[[Co...]]

The endless self-absorption and Rumination over one's symptoms.  The selfishness.  Can people advise if it goes away, at least somewhat, in a window?

 

I am so tired of myself... the non-stop self-centered chatter.  I want to be able to focus outward at least a little bit, some of the time.  Maybe I've been able to in past partial windows.  I don't remember.

 

Thanks, all.

Serenity 

 

....Yes, in a good window it all goes away.  You become who you were before benzos. The constant scanning of sx, worry about sx,obssession about sx, going to the doctor to have sx checked, ..it all goes away ..even the isolation. ...All of the success stories speak to the issue of all of the sx leaving ...some say that they may have one or two mild infrequent lingering sx....Just keep going....We are all going to heal and it seems that the majority are healed or nearly healed somewhere around month 24 months...give or take...You have come a very long way....you are going to to the end....coop

[[Sk...]]

One more post!...

 

Sky, Green,

 

Is it one of the two of you who has dealt with palps & elevated heartrate? I wanted to share with you! I recently discovered! ~ eating a higher sodium meal can elevate my heartrate a bit! Whoa! Eating low sodium or no sodium makes a big difference! For me, anyways Anyways, lol...don't know why I didn't notice this before! Have you? Or any other foods that you are mindful of?

 

Thanks for the tips! Hope all is well

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs, that would be me.

 

Thanks, you are so kind and thoughtful. My diet has been quite healthy, but I will keep an eagle eye on that.

 

You really are a living archive !  To me, to my addled brain, it's nothing short of miraculous, what you do ! 

 

Any other superpowers ? 

[[Sk...]]

Peace ... as others have said ... no one can "declare" a timeline for this process ... and ... you are doing remarkably well ... and the exhaustion is really lousy ... hope you get a lot of time this summer to get through the rest of this process ... 

 

Peace, you're at 17 months. That was a tough time for me.  I started seeing real improvement at around 18.5.  Most everybody does.  Do your best.  Don't project.  Just take it a day at a time.

 

It's the best advice actually, it really is and works every time, just like a charm.

[[Sk...]]

One more post!...

 

Sky, Green,

 

Is it one of the two of you who has dealt with palps & elevated heartrate? I wanted to share with you! I recently discovered! ~ eating a higher sodium meal can elevate my heartrate a bit! Whoa! Eating low sodium or no sodium makes a big difference! For me, anyways Anyways, lol...don't know why I didn't notice this before! Have you? Or any other foods that you are mindful of?

 

Thanks for the tips! Hope all is well

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., Sodium can be a problem.  However, I can get elevated heart rate and palps from a drink of water, with me it's unprovoked.

 

And Sky was the one who had bad palps and vibrations.

 

And still does , might I add ? 

 

Especially tonight !

[[Sk...]]

Nova.  Father Wisdom to all of us on our thread...Happy Father's Day to you. ...You have been here with and for us every single day with support, encouragement, humor and recipes..  as well as your truth and vulnerability.  Thank you.. 

...love to you..  coop

 

Nova, I second everything Coop wrote. I remember one night you were up reading.well actually listening to a book, you kept your light on here..just in case someone needed support.

I couldn't sleep that night and you assured me that you would be on here...keeping watch.

Your kind and selfless acts don't go unnoticed.

Thank you for being here for us.

Happy Fathers Day to you.

 

Wow, Nova, you did that ?  She who must be obeyed, is a very lucky woman. 

 

Get the guy a monument. Now. 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

The endless self-absorption and Rumination over one's symptoms.  The selfishness.  Can people advise if it goes away, at least somewhat, in a window?

 

I am so tired of myself... the non-stop self-centered chatter.  I want to be able to focus outward at least a little bit, some of the time.  Maybe I've been able to in past partial windows.  I don't remember.

 

Thanks, all.

Serenity 

 

Serenity, it's not you, it's a symptom of wd. It does go away in a window, of course it does. For me, it went away the minute I found out it was a symptom ! 

 

Well, it was a huge relief, it has made me feel so much less guitly about it. But, otherwise, it's all me,myself and I here !

 

But don't worry, we'll make up for it all when we are healed. 

[[Sk...]]

I feel comfortable and comforted in this thread.  Just want to say thank you to all here, for providing a safe, positive retreat and for listening and responding to me.

 

Being in benzo withdrawal is an alien, terrifying experience.  Places like this are truly a lifeline for so many, including me.

 

Much love,

Serenity 

Love ya back!

I never would have made it without this thread, these people.  I live right outside NYC, some of the best doctors and hospitals in the world.  And there wasn't a damned thing any one of them could do for me.  Except give me more mind bending drugs.  Thank God for Colin.  Thank God for Benzobuddies.

 

Ditto !

[[ON...]]

ONEDAYATATIME ... the short answer is yes ... they can certainly be very difficult at this stage ... and some days it is indeed a mind trip ... and it does get better ... time is the healer ... 

 

Thanks for this Nova! Is anyone else housebound at this timeframe? New symptoms?

 

ODAAT,

 

Dr. Jenn experienced a horrid wave that was acute at 36 months free. Late waves can happen. Hers lasted for four months. Post-wave came an incredible boost in baseline, and what she calls "almost healed". Baylissa also had a horrible acute like wave at 2 years, directly before she healed. Healinghope had one from 15.5-19 months.

 

Here is Dr Jenn's post on her blog at 36 months: http://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/2014/06/23/three-years-off-today-a-look-back-a-look-forward/

 

All of her June 2014 posts can be found on the same page as linked above. You can scroll to the very bottom of her blog and select other months to view as well; I might encourage you to view the four months of posts during her wave, and then the posts that follow those months...it is awesome to read what a change that occurred!! IMO, of course

 

You will heal and get through this! Just keep swimming

 

Mrs.

 

Very encouraging Mrs!  A few months ago I wouldn't have believed that you could come out of a long wave like that. I'm not kidding I felt like I was in a wave from month 15-20.. I'm finally out and feel so much clearer, and better. Baseline is way higher, its all true.

 

Thank you all for this great reassurance, helps a lot!

[[No...]]

Sky ... you are a breath of fresh air ... 

 

Hope you had a good weekend ... 

[[ON...]]

Please please please tell me it's completely normal to be in absolute acute hell for 3 months from months 14 to current almost 17. I've never questioned medication intervention more than I have lately. I am a ton worse than last year. I'm 123 pound 5'9" male. Am I alone? Is this possible? Will I heal? Do I need to reinstate?

 

Acute can rear its head at any point but I think it dies back down.  My detox Dr said in his experience you can have acute at 1.5 years out.  Take it one day at a time.

 

Thank you for the reassurance!!

[[ON...]]

The endless self-absorption and Rumination over one's symptoms.  The selfishness.  Can people advise if it goes away, at least somewhat, in a window?

 

I am so tired of myself... the non-stop self-centered chatter.  I want to be able to focus outward at least a little bit, some of the time.  Maybe I've been able to in past partial windows.  I don't remember.

 

Thanks, all.

Serenity 

 

I hate this too, the constant obsession and mindtrip of being consumed by sensations and symptoms 24/7 and feeling so isolated because you can't relate with anyone or want to be around someone unless they are there to reassure you. It has to get better

[[No...]]

Beulah and Coop ... thank you for your kind words ...

 

Sometimes just knowing someone is there is all we need in the moment ... and that is what we bring to this thread for each other ...

 

Kind of a medium lousy day for me with the head pressure and the breathing ... oh well ... can't get a refund so might as well get on with it ...

 

Have a good evening, Folks ... 

[[pe...]]

Nova,

I don't want to let this day pass without saying thank you for your steady countenance, your reassuring words, your unconditonal acceptance. The recipes. Glad you're here, part of this family.

 

Peace2

 

[[je...]]

Yes Nova, thank you for always being there for all of us.

[[be...]]

The endless self-absorption and Rumination over one's symptoms.  The selfishness.  Can people advise if it goes away, at least somewhat, in a window?

 

I am so tired of myself... the non-stop self-centered chatter.  I want to be able to focus outward at least a little bit, some of the time.  Maybe I've been able to in past partial windows.  I don't remember.

 

Thanks, all.

Serenity 

 

It hasn't ended for me yet, but it is better. So tired of the me me me!!!! I'm also so tired of myself that when I heal I might not ever speak to me again.

It will get better.

[[Gr...]]

Green-

There are two kinds of unisom, two different drugs. One of them does nothing for me. The other is the golden ticket when my body is revving beyond rest. It's the doxylamine that works for me.

 

Have you tried the unisom with that active ingredient?

 

And thanks for the love. I'll keep holding on. Month 18.5, I can do that.

 

Peace2

 

No, I didn't try the doxy, I tried the other, which had no effect, except I think it worsened the vibrations.  I will look for the doxy, maybe order it online.

 

And, yes, you hang on, better times are coming.  I was very, very challenged 17-18.5.  It was very hard, thank goodness I had Coop with me, she was my sista in suffering.  But this is home stretch, you're almost there. (I know I've said that before, and it wasn't always true, but it is now.  Beginning of the end.  You're there.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Yes green....the doxy is the one that works for me too.

 

TY!  will order it.  I can't do those all nighters anymore

[[Gr...]]

Green ... this is a tough time for you with the insomnia ... it can really tangle us up until it passes ... and you sound like you are doing well with other things ... this seems to be a pattern at this time for us ... things falling away and we are coming back in other areas ...

 

You know how to do this ... one day at a time ... 

 

Boy, do we ever know how to do this.  Funny, things can always be worse.  I thought falling asleep at 4 a.m. was bad.  Until I didn't fall asleep until 6-7 a.m.  Until I didn't fall asleep at all, just gave up, got up and had coffee, and did the zombie walk all day.  Until the deep core internal vibrations started.  Now I'd kill to fall asleep at 4 a.m.!

 

Actually, last night was good.  no vibes.  fell off at 6 and slept until 1 p.m.  Get it whenever and wherever.

 

One more thing.  Had to sit in on a monthly business meeting I attend.  Boring, like watching paint dry.  Tonight, though, I was remembering myself there last month, and, boy, do I recognize the healing.  The improvements are huge, we are healing, we just don't realize how much every day.

 

Hope you had a good day today.

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... got some sleep ... feel groggy and spacey this morning ... it has to be a barometric pressure shift ... storm coming tonight ...

 

That is my new go to blamee ... barometric pressure shifts ... that does not fit very well because when I am healed the barometer will keep shifting ... and it will do for now ... we will change the theory to suit the circumstances later ... 

 

First day of Summer ... Father's Day ... and pancake day ... what could be better? ... 

 

Change the theory to suit the circumstances.  We perfect that in withdrawal, lol