12-18 month support

[[Se...]]

I feel comfortable and comforted in this thread.  Just want to say thank you to all here, for providing a safe, positive retreat and for listening and responding to me.

 

Being in benzo withdrawal is an alien, terrifying experience.  Places like this are truly a lifeline for so many, including me.

 

Much love,

Serenity 

[[No...]]

Serenity ... yes ... being heard ... and reassured ... day in and day out ... while we go through this process ... a blessing beyond measure ...

 

Hope you are having a quiet day ...

 

Sitting here cutting some yarn, listening to the monks chant the sun down this evening ... over and over ...

 

I had a medium rocky day ... head pressure and the clogged ears and some boatiness ... not bad for an old fella ...

 

Summer starts tomorrow at 1:38 PM around here ... another season in the books ...

 

Hope your evening is pleasant ... 

[[Co...]]

Peace,...I couldnt continue volunteering in the classroom let alone teach during w/d....You have done a remarkable job of holding up your end of the deal....I have read through thousands of posts over these last 19 months....very few people are able to work full time through this misery. I think you deserve a minimum of 3 weeks to do NOTHING.  I know that's unrealistic with little kids ...but ...w/d does not have an expiration date....unfortunately. ...You will always be a true MightyGirl on the timeline of w/d on this thread.

....Do you have a Domestic Union that you can appeal to. ?

...It was right about at the place where you are that I think Green got hit with debilitating fatigue....Wishing you some rest....a lot of rest....love to you...coop

[[Co...]]

I feel comfortable and comforted in this thread.  Just want to say thank you to all here, for providing a safe, positive retreat and for listening and responding to me.

 

Being in benzo withdrawal is an alien, terrifying experience.  Places like this are truly a lifeline for so many, including me.

 

Much love,

Serenity 

 

Serenity.  This thread has been everything to me ...from way back when we became a little band of friends at the 6 month mark. Green told us long ago, " nobody gets left behind"...We are beginning to see the reality of that now as one by one we start feeling healed. ...Lovely friendships have bloomed here. Truly compassionate people ....I am glad you feel sheltered here..  coop

[[Co...]]

Coop-I'm holding my own. A good sign is that it's just the bad cold and no other benzo stuff.  I can't sleep due to the sore throat and stuffiness so I took NyQuil.  The funny thing is I have the stuffed head and sinuses which I'm so used to handling in benzoland this really isn't much different. My stuffed head feels the same and I ignore all the spaciness I get w it. The big one is the anxiety. Not here.  For some reason now when I'm on stage or in meetings those are just as hard or hard as ever.  Very weird but just waiting for time to do its thing. One interesting thing is that I've developed a "tic" when my anxiety or catastrophic thoughts spike up. I scrunch my hands really tightly and open them up.  I caught myself doing it on stage. Wonder where that's from.  Hmmm

 

Drew,....Glad your cold is clearing up.. ..Yep, anxiety.  The last to go for me too.  Even though I never had anxiety like this....ever in my life, I sometimes wonder if it is my new lifetime normal, except in a window I don't have it.  not even health fear. I have a tic for anxiety too., my daughter refers to it as, " mom, your shoulders are covering up your ears again"...the 'anxious hunchback"....Someday our minds, bodies spirits and souls will relax and unfold...waiting for that day.. 

[[Co...]]

Benzo doesn't steal all of our moments....Sitting here watching Father Of The Bride with my girl...nothing more to say than that... .coop

[[je...]]

Hi coop,

Yes this has been a very rough few months for some of us. Both you and I had this horrible anxiety, I still get a few bouts but it passes quickly. We all just have to keep hanging on. This w/d is just so crazy, to be sick for months and then one day wake up and feel normal-- I will never understand this, but it happens. You say your having a bad day, but you do sound much better than you were a month ago-- we are making improvements everyday even when we don't see it. Your stronger than you think Coop! Love ya, jenny

 

 

Jenny, congrats on 21 months !!!

 

It's an important date, one to look forward to. There has been a shift.

 

An important date, maybe the final important date ? Let's hope so. We have had so many important dates in these last 18-19 months, haven't we ? And each of them has had an important and different meaning.

 

Wish you the best !

 

 

 

Thanks sky! Your the best I hope your doing well today my friend, jenny

[[je...]]

Benzo doesn't steal all of our moments....Sitting here watching Father Of The Bride with my girl...nothing more to say than that... .coop

 

 

Yay coop! I love this!!

[[je...]]

Hi friends,

I'm jumping in. I've been so busy and just not doing well. I'm barking up the supplement tree because I just can not maintain this level of demand with this lack of energy and low mood. My time is up as far as my family is concerned. It's time to show up and some days I can but mostly I push through. I don't know what to do or maybe I just feel like I can't do it. I'm on my way to my youngest son's big baseball birthday party and I've got nothing.

 

Peace2

 

 

Peace,

So sorry to hear your still not feeling as well. You've made huge improvements, and your probably just in a rough patch, it will pass. You've plowed through this whole year without quitting, remember back in October you thought you couldn't make it? It's summer now and you've made it! You should be super proud of yourself I know its hard on your family, but your husband seems to have a good understanding of what is going on, he's probably just burned out. Thinking of you, jenny

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep ... my shoulders trying to keep my ears warm ... sometimes I can release them 5 or 6 inches ... crazy, eh? ...

[[je...]]

Hi Jenny ... 21 months ... yep ... I hit 21 next Tuesday ... and in some ways it feels "okay, so what?" ... and on the other hand it is a marker for me ... it marks the time passed and tells me this is going to wind down soon ...

 

And ... that is way too hot for man or beast ... I traveled through your area from San Diego heading for Calgary some more than 40 years ago ... stunningly beautiful ... during the late Spring ... from lemons and avocadoes to a blizzard in Montana ... yikes ...

 

 

Yes Nova, its too hot for anyone. You either need to live indoors or in a pool when it gets this hot. Running any sort of errands in this heat is exhausting..

[[be...]]

Hey you pregnant people, just want to share something. I was sitting here watching tv a couple of hours ago and feeling nine months pregnant. All of a sudden I didn't feel pregnant anymore.

This lasted for about an hour and now I feel pregnant again.

It's just the muscles in my belly, they are tight and making me feel bloated, but I'm not. It felt so good to get that hour of relief and to realize I'm not really bloated, just the muscles and nerves making me feel like it. The tight muscles make my belly look bigger than what it is...it feels like I'm pushing it out, but I'm not.

Whew, can't wait till this leaves.

[[be...]]

Benzo doesn't steal all of our moments....Sitting here watching Father Of The Bride with my girl...nothing more to say than that... .coop

 

Ahhh, I love Father of the Bride. Nope, benzos can't steal all our moments!!!! 

Enjoy each other and treasure the memory.

[[pe...]]

Thank you to my old and true friends. Where would I be without you? I shudder to think. I made it through the birthday baseball game. I joked, I held babies, I played second base, I took pictures. I'm tired. I don't feel right. I keep going. But right now I'm in bed and I know I'll keep going. I'm thankful for that tenacity while also realizing that thinking I could/should do it all got me in to this mess. I want to give up, in the staying in bed and staring at the wall way. I want to believe this bad dream ends. Your successes encourage me.

FJ, thank you for your words. Nova, Sky, Coop, Jenny.

 

21 months is amazing! congratulations Nova and Jenny!!!

Does it feel different? More hopeful than 17 months?

I'm hoping so. I'm so discouraged and trying to find courage.

 

Peace2

[[ON...]]

ONEDAYATATIME ... the short answer is yes ... they can certainly be very difficult at this stage ... and some days it is indeed a mind trip ... and it does get better ... time is the healer ... 

 

Thanks for this Nova! Is anyone else housebound at this timeframe? New symptoms?

[[Gr...]]

Hi Coop ... how are you doing? ... I have had medium sort of day ... rained all afternoon ... sitting here waiting for Beulah's plane ... 

 

....Hey Nova.  just packing my bag and doing a bunch of deep breathing for my flight phobia.  Sounds like a great time ...

....I had a pretty decent window for most of the morning...dimmed down this afternoon with d/r , cog fog, and moderate anxiety....holding my own....this reflux diet is pretty boring....mashed potatoes .  yogurt.  applesauce ...The mushroom dish you described sounds lovely..

...I got the dog out several times.  Puttered around my place, helped my daughter with some projects...I can feel the anxiety trying to land on me....figure if I keep moving it won't be able to find a landing pad.. 

  .How are you doing Nova.. I hope your day has been a good one.. ..coop

 

Coop, I had a worse day with anxiety trying to land yesterday.  I was waiting for it to take off.  It didn't though, just a long day of pausing and waiting for the mild panic to break, usually I get really warm, and sometimes body breaks into a sweat. 

Today I had more issues early in the day around not sleeping a wink. I said an hour, but it was hover sleep, not real sleep.

 

Still, I feel the healing, but the symptoms seem to be still keeping us pretty busy.

 

I like what Jenny said, things settling down after 18-20.  I remember Lostdog said the same thing.

 

.....Green, that's exactly where my anxiety had been since afternoon...just hovering....waiting to jump me when I am not looking. Totally low and slow this afternoon ...I agree , I have a real sense of healing underneath the mild benzo flu and d/r. Yep, I hang on to HH's story and Eli's and LostDog's and Galea has a good one. FJ's is informative too....I am having more frequent sunbreaks and seem to be trading off one good day for one not so good day...I just want to be done with all of it...

...Green, I am wishing you some damn sleep...coop

 

Coop, there's no sleep to be had!!  and awful, horrible deep internal vibrations.  but there must be some healing going on because I'm able to drag myself around, distract, better than in the past.  Even though I had a bad night, I was able to get into the shower pretty quick, hair and everything.  I was thinking what an improvement that was as I did it.

 

Are vibrations a form of anxiety?  Because I've got a kind of tight chest.  I'm getting by otherwise, except for very, very bad nights, very uncomfortable, not just sleepless, those danged vibrations which are some kind of exquisite torture from hell.

 

I took 2 Unisom, which had no effect.  I guess it will be over when it's over. 

Hope your window is still at least halfway open.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green,

 

Sorry you didn't sleep.  I didn't sleep in the night even though I started at 11:30pm. I finally fell asleep at 9 am.  Problem is I wake up every 2 hrs. So I woke at 11am and walked the dog, then read the newspaper on my iPad. I fell asleep sitting up so I went back to sleep 12:30 to 2:30. Then up again for an hour and back to sleep 3:30 to 5:30.  Crazy schedule, but at least I slept.  I think the stinging in my legs eased up so that's why I was able to sleep.

 

I've tried Unisom and Benadryl nether work for me because I have a paradoxal reaction to them which causes anxiety. Unisom has a similiar drug that Benadryl has but stronger.  It works well for a lot of people.  Tylenol PM OR Advil PM contain the exact drug that used in Benadryl but a higher dose.

Benadryl has 25 mg, but the PM drugs gave 38 mg.

 

It's worth a try to try the  Unisom. What's the worse that can happen? You won't sleep, but maybe you will.  Hope it works for you.

Korbe

 

Korbe, I tried the Unisom, which mean I'm desperate because I have the same reaction you do, Benadryl revs me.  I don't know if it made the vibrations worse or not, but I had a tough night.  I won't take it again.

 

I'm glad the stinging is easing up for you.  I do get mild stinging, but it's nothing like what you have, it's a very mild sting and it goes away fast.

 

This insomnia is so bad, that I know it has to get better.

 

Good that you're sleeping wherever, whenever.

[[Gr...]]

Green and Korbe...make room on the couch....joining you in the 'I can't sleep' up at night gang.  Slept from 11p to 3a.  Now I am wide awake.  Me and some movie I can't concentrate on...hope we can all get a few more hours. ..I was sleeping until 6/7 until this month.  .  Even I don't want to get up at 4/5 let alone 3.  Trying all my strategies...music, movie, 4,7,8 breathing.    Well,... see you all later in the day.  We need Beulah's Tropical Island Healing Abbey and something soothing from Nova's kitchen....coop

 

It gets stressful after a while, doesn't it?  Being up half the night.  I don't remember it being this bad. 

 

Well, Coop, you're getting up earlier every night, working your way into yesterday.  Pretty soon you can wake up in the morning and have your dinner

[[Gr...]]

Hi all,  another day in paradise as Nova says 

Well I will start on a positive.....  managed to get some sleep!  Woke up to vibrations, breathing issues, fatigue, fog and fear. Ive noticed that my hearing is super sensitive recently, I feel like I need ear plugs. Last night my daughter and I put face masks on each other, she knew I was struggling as my mother is taking my wd personally again. When I am wavy I simply cannot speak to her on the phone; its like torture. So naturally I avoid this. Shes been questioning my daughter on the fact I can speak to the bristol tranquilizer people,  who are wonderful,  but not her. This is so hard and I cannot try to explain to her any more. Even my daughter is irritated by her selfishness. I wish I could just let it go. I'm going to be on trend and go low and slow. I have food shopping to do,  but Ive done it before so there is nothing to fear. Honestly, I never expected to be still like this at 14 1/2 months. I dont now how you all have coped so long, you deserve medals.

Just wondering,  I take a concentrated curcumin (tumeric) for inflammation pain, especially in the neck, shoulder and upper back. This does help but Ive had to take ibuprofen recently. Should this be ok to take if needed?

 

I hope no one minds me venting as without all your support, this at times feels impossible.  The healing island?  Yes please 

 

Marj, I've been taking Advil since the beginning, and I haven't had a problem.

 

Girl, you are suffering.  Take a deep breath.  It's going to get better, I promise you.  Yes, this second year has been horrible, but those of us at 19+ are really starting to feel the healing.  I'm finally in a place where I can think about getting on a plane and going back to work.  Everybody heals, including me, including you.  You just need to survive a day at a time until you get there.  And you're almost there.

 

Maybe write your mom a letter?

[[mr...]]

ONEDAYATATIME ... the short answer is yes ... they can certainly be very difficult at this stage ... and some days it is indeed a mind trip ... and it does get better ... time is the healer ... 

 

Thanks for this Nova! Is anyone else housebound at this timeframe? New symptoms?

 

ODAAT,

 

Dr. Jenn experienced a horrid wave that was acute at 36 months free. Late waves can happen. Hers lasted for four months. Post-wave came an incredible boost in baseline, and what she calls "almost healed". Baylissa also had a horrible acute like wave at 2 years, directly before she healed. Healinghope had one from 15.5-19 months.

 

Here is Dr Jenn's post on her blog at 36 months: http://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/2014/06/23/three-years-off-today-a-look-back-a-look-forward/

 

All of her June 2014 posts can be found on the same page as linked above. You can scroll to the very bottom of her blog and select other months to view as well; I might encourage you to view the four months of posts during her wave, and then the posts that follow those months...it is awesome to read what a change that occurred!! IMO, of course

 

You will heal and get through this! Just keep swimming

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Morning all, Yep, it's still raining here!!!   My daughter called me last night and she was so upset that her garden got washed out...her back yard is a pond. My son's basement is flooded but he managed to get everything out of there before any damage.

We have a warning not to drink our water because of high nitrate levels. They say it's safe for healthy adults but not for infants or pregnant women...are you kidding me I'm not drinking that crap!! They said boiling it would only increase the nitrates.

Everyone's arguing over whose at fault for the water situation, the farmers are blaming the big businesses and they are blaming the farmers for the run off in the fields, they go around and around.

 

Me and my aching muscles will be busy today finishing up with the Ark.

Wishing all a dry and quiet day.

 

We had bad rain a couple of days ago.  I wonder if it's the same weather.  probably not. maybe you're catching something from the storms in Texas?

 

Nope, don't drink the water!  Sorry about your daughter's garden.  Once I plant mine, I bound with it.

[[Gr...]]

I am hearing a lot of healing on this thread which makes me very happy, it seemed for a while there we were all suffering quite a bit with no end in site. For me I think the 15 - 20 months were by far my worst, lots of waves and I did not see any healing. Funny how we all seem to be somewhat on the same healing course.

 

[move][/HAPPY 21ST ANNIVERSARY, JENNY! move]

 

 

Green,

 

Thank you! I didn't even realize I passed the 21 month until I saw this post. I guess it's a good thing when we stop counting the months I can't believe how long we've all been at this.. Also, about the sleep stuff-- I have not tried either of those meds but I have heard of other members using unisom and it seems to help, I have not heard of anyone trying zzyquil so I would be cautious of that one. As with anything start out slow, I hope you get some sleep soon-- I know how miserable that can be. Love ya, jenny

 

Yes, I was watching the date!  I wanted to paste you flowers but that doesn't seem to work for me anymore.

 

The Unisom is the same as ZZZQuil, I checked the label.  Didn't work.  At all.  And I had brutal deep inner vibes all night.  I don't think it was the Unisom, but I won't take it anymore.

 

I'm hanging on to your post, not much improvement until after M 20?  I've got some improvement, but still dealing with stuff.  overall, knowing we're all going to get better.  That's the biggest improvement, that I know we're all going to get better.

 

Love to you, too!

[[Gr...]]

I was recently told from the A1C blood test, that I now have diabetes based on this test that surveys the past 3 months of glucose levels.  I have found online that chronic stress  (benzo WD anyone?)  can cause this from the incessant release of adrenalin we get during the process of healing.  This apparently affects the insulin resistance.

 

I have a very clean diet with little sugars and my health overall is good, so WTH?  I know of at least one other person who was also told they have either pre or current diabetes going through the withdrawal.

 

Does anyone know about this and does the problem go away once your body is healed again?

 

This is just so insane.

 

Thanks

 

I heard they lowered the level to qualify for "pre-diabetic."  I know I'm paranoid, but I swear this is so they can give you diabetes medication.

 

I would never tell someone what to do with medical issues, but what I would do?  Get the lab work, see exactly how high the sugar is.  If it wasn't that high, I would wait it out and have it checked again when withdrawal is over.  Also, do you have other symptoms of diabetes?

 

Why wouldn't our sugar be high?  Our BP is high.  Heart rate is high.  We get dizzy and nauseous.  We get faux asthma.  We get magic disappearing bacteria UTIs.

[[mr...]]

I dig this one up from time to time, so I'm digging it up again...

 

Mrs.

 

This is an old post of mine that I'm going to bring about one more time.

 

For you, Mary, but also for all of the other buddies on this thread

 

HH,

 

I had to resurrect an old post, just to remind you/me/us that we ALL HEAL.

 

Pay attention especially to Ian Singleton's words. His personal story and recovery from benzo-induced anxiety is amazing.

 

Love to you

 

Mrs.

 

Hi Lisa

 

First things first: breathe. A nice deep, slow breath.

 

Okay, regarding everyone's healing:

I have pondered this as well. And researched it

 

There are three withdrawal advisors located at this site: http://cepuk.org/withdrawal-advisers/  They provide interviews with them that answer commonly asked questions about withdrawling from medications (benzos & otherwise). Now, credibility is something that is very important to me regarding information. Baylissa Frederick, one of the withdrawal advisors, has been working with people in post withdrawal since her own recovery in 2006. She mentions that she's dealt with over 6,000 people, mostly those who are protracted (we are not--thank you Lord!). She said that every one that she's spoke to has recovered -- ALL of them.

 

Ian Singleton (my personal favorite!) has been a withdrawal specialist for the Bristol Tranquilizer Project for over twenty years, since his own (protracted) recovery. They work with over 300 persons in post withdrawal per year (times twenty years = 6,000+ individuals). He says EVERY SINGLE ONE has recovered. EVERY time.

 

Melanie Davis is the Manager of Camden's REST Project for over twenty years. (Which means, again, experience with a LOT of people in post withdrawal.) She says, as well, that she's never seen anyone not recover in all her experience.

 

If you watch the interviews, you will hear them say it for yourself.

 

Ian also has his recovery story on the website (here: http://cepuk.org/recovery-stories/  he's the last one if you scroll all the way to the right) -- he says it again in there that we ALL recover.

 

For me, it speaks credibility that they have worked with tens of thousands (collectively), all at different organizations, and the all three individually say the same thing: we all heal. I know when reading of those of us in the "heat" of the battle, and hear their doubts and fears expressed, it is tempting to hear those things and think incorrectly and/or irrationally about recovery. I constantly have to keep this in mind, and also protect myself from things that tempt me in the wrong directions. When one is in the heat of it, their perspective may be temporarily limited to it. Does that make sense? (I hope!)

 

Lisa, these are just things I'm working on applying in my life They may or may not pertain or relate to your situation. In my personal but humble opinion: you're doing just fine You're in your sixth month, which is commonly known for a "bugger" of a month for many in withdrawal Also, you've had "windows" along the way -- this is a very good thing Currently, the past couple weeks have been a tough wave where I've had times of doubts in healing. But ya know? They're just not true. Simple as that I've just been taking an "observer" position in my mind -- sorta hop up on a bar stool in my mind and just calmly observe -- like, "Oh OK, there's that thought. There's this thought -- that's nice. Interesting." Etc. I "welcome" the wrong thoughts in and just allow them to "be". Dr. Claire Weekes talks about this (welcoming and accepting, etc). There are four audio clips of hers found here that are "streamable": http://www.junior-anxiety-depression-exchange.org.uk/Relax.html If you scroll down a bit, they are labeled "How To Recover From Anxiety". I found them helpful That, and her accent is cute and makes me giggle

 

Anyways, I hope there is something in this that has at least encouraged you some I'm not one to offer advice, of course -- these are just some things that have helped me along my journey I hope you're feeling better by the time you're reading this -- I'm believing it to happen! Take care buddy, you are healing

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Jenny...21 months!.  .I am hanging on tight to your improvements You are sounding so great...So many of the success stories say that right in that 20-24 months it all changed for the good. ....I am so happy for you....You had that long long 5 month stall, I don't know how you endured it, but you did. I am having a tough day today and your post to One Day is getting me through. I am actually cycling in and out of anxiety about every 10-15 minutes.  I have had some goid sunbreaks in the past week or so...so this stinks, but I know it's w/d ....nothing to do but get through it. .  Love to see you here today.  .coop

 

Coop, we're sx sistas again.  I've been having tough anxiety, bad vibrations, very tight chest, can't get a full breath.  and some other stuff.  A very busy day and night.  I'm just hoping this levels off because it's almost at my tipping point. 

 

Let's hope for the best.  I'm in month 20. You're two weeks behind me.