12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

marj--I feel bad for you.  I remember things like what you've just gone through feeling like it had just pushed me over the edge.    As healing went on, I realized I was probably heading for a wave anyway when those things happened, and it wasn't actually circumstances and other people who were flipping me out.  Your brain just can't handle stress like this the way it would have in the past...and will in the future!  As you get well you'll start noticing times when you'll thinking--hey, wait, wouldn't that have flipped me out six months ago?  I'm sure you're already trying to avoid stress as much as possible,  right?  But we don't get to tick off "Dishwasher won't break" on some kind of a checklist as we proceed in healing. 

 

Finally, you are sounding so good!!!! I was reading a post you made earlier about the mental vs the physical...that's where I'm at in my healing. The little bit of mental that I have left is nothing compared to the physical. I could easily write my success story if based only on the mental.

 

The physical is holding me back..but I'm still encouraged by all of the positive posts lately.

Keep healing!!!!

 

And I could write mine if based only on the physical symptoms ! 

 

Hey Sky, my first withdrawal I had very little nerve pain..mostly mental.

 

I didn't know you're in Italy. If I could visit anywhere in the world that's where I would love to go.

Have you lived there all your life?

 

Most of it.

 

Today my anxiety is off the charts !! I can't wait for tomorrow. My bad day has officiallly  become better than my good day ! 

 

I feel like someone very strong is squeezing my chest and stomach, it's awful, I had rather have vibrations and palps  at this point !!

 

And when I have high anxiety, my intelligence, what is left of it, is impaired.

 

Oh well, this too shall pass.

 

So is anxiety a physical or a mental symptom?  We're told it's mental, but it sure does kick the hell out of our bodies?

 

Sue, I think you are on to something.

 

Anyway, I  my anxiety is just there and just as suddenly it goes away. Meditations or self talk don't affect it, it does not seem to come from the mind. But then, it softens a little if I take my bike but the minute I stop, it catches up.

 

I am stumped on this one.

 

Very confusing.

 

And in the last days, my legs have been feeling like stone, everything was so hard. Uff, I will finish reading the thread and then go to bed. Can't wait to get this day done and over with.

 

As Nova says, another day in the books. 

Sky, I agree, the anxiety is totally unprovoked, it comes out of nowhere, and basically responds to nothing.

 

I was wondering about the legs of stone, if that was letting up for you.  My bike is still in the shed.  I'm just walking for now.  How is walking for you?  Any better?

[[be...]]

Hey Green, I'm in Ohio, the land of the Amish.

I love hearing of the breeze blowing in your face, the little things we took for granted before..

This morning the ducks from the pond came quacking at my door, they don't usually come in the summer months because they have plenty of land food around to eat...but they came right up to my door and whacked as if they were just wanting me to see them, I just loved it, like never before!!!

I know after I'm healed I will continue to take it low and slow, just so much to take in that I never before.

Slow down..smell the roses, feel the breeze on my face, look at ducks.

Taking it all in.

 

Wow, your bucket list makes me tired looking at it. You must be young, I'm not...lol.

I think I'm in pretty good shape for getting ready to turn 60. Till this happened I was still swimming, walking, bike riding.

You go girl.

[[Fi...]]

Beulah--why wait to get well for sex?  You've got the guy right there, correct?  Best therapy ever.

[[mr...]]

Beulah--why wait to get well for sex?  You've got the guy right there, correct?  Best therapy ever.

 

Ummmmmmmmm yeah...LOL, I think Mr wouldn't have made it through my withdrawal if I had to wait until I was healed for sex!! J/K, he would do it if he had to...but in the hardest months, that was one of the few things I refused to give up on! Hehe, great therapy for the married!! 

 

Mrs.

[[be...]]

Beulah--why wait to get well for sex?  You've got the guy right there, correct?  Best therapy ever.

 

I pm'd you.

[[Fi...]]

Yeah, and I PMed ya back!  Sorry to shoot my mouth off like a smart-ass!

[[No...]]

Word for the Day

 

In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.

 

HOWARD THURMAN

 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... "If you woke up healed in the morning what would you spend the day doing?" ...

 

I would sit on my patio and smile ... and smell ... and hear ... and breathe my gratefulness ... 

 

And then ... I would find the biggest, warmest, juiciest cinnamon roll known to man and laugh while I ate it ... 

[[Co...]]

Word for the Day

 

In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.

 

HOWARD THURMAN

 

....Nova, ...great thought to go through the day with....thank you ...Hope you are having a no flu morning....Wishing you a better day with some sunbreaks..  coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  If I woke up healed I would.. 

....volunteer 2x a week at my grandsons' classrooms...and love every minute of it. 

.......go to Mass

.......go out for long lunches with my friends and family

........go to some concerts, theatre, readings

..........sit for hours on my patio in the early morning

...........go to a movie and sit through the whole thing

...........do some early care and education seminars

............eat chocolate and drink some red wine

.............have my book club at my house.  .go to book club

..............enjoy everyone I know

. .............go on some road trips

...Beulah...this was a great question to think about...thanks for starting it

....Wishing you sunbreaks and ducks at your kitchen door....coip

[[No...]]

Good Morning Folks ... meandering through my day ... carrying around this stuff a while longer ... and although things are quite wavey, things are good ... I have had so much improvement these last months ...

 

I can read and watch whatever I want or listen to anything that interests me ...

I am walking when I want ... some days better than others ...

I am engaged again with my rug making stuff ...

My stress response is okay ... still loud and jittery at times ... and improving ...

Light and noise do not send me over the moon anymore ... usually ...

My brain is working pretty much okay most of the time ...

Startle reflex is on holiday somewhere, and I hope it keeps right on going ...

 

So, things are still physically challenging when I am doing the wave stuff ... and that's probably as it should be for now ...

 

As a good friend says ... another day in paradise ... 

[[No...]]

I will be 68 next month ... and my wife retires next June ... so ... them happy days, they are a comin' ...

 

And ... we have all been blessed with this healing ...

 

And for those of us still struggling day to day right now ... it gets better ... and better ... and better ...

 

We are giving ourselves a gift ... and we will get to celebrate and enjoy it ... I promise ... 

[[je...]]

Good morning Nova

You are sounding really good, and I'm happy to hear you are seeing some improvements.. This is such a long process, longer than any of us thought, but we are getting there slowly but surely. Jenny

[[Se...]]

Wow, Nova... that's some good healing happening there.  How wonderful to hear!  Here's to all of our respective healing.    Enjoy your day.

 

Still in bed (on laptop) here, with one cat balled up against my right thigh, snoring away.  Ahhh... to be a cat.  'Tis the life.  Ha.

 

Managed to force myself into the shower last night, and washed my hair.  Things had been getting a little... ripe.  I certainly feel better about that now.   

 

Going to go for a walk soon.  Need to do something constructive, even though my motivation to do anything is hovering around zero these days.

 

Onward and upward, I guess.

 

Serenity

[[be...]]

Beulah ... "If you woke up healed in the morning what would you spend the day doing?" ...

 

I would sit on my patio and smile ... and smell ... and hear ... and breathe my gratefulness ... 

 

And then ... I would find the biggest, warmest, juiciest cinnamon roll known to man and laugh while I ate it ... 

 

Ahh yes, a big warm cinnamon roll.

[[Co...]]

Nova.  Healing for sure.  You are going to be in such great shape to enjoy your wife's retirement with her....So encouraging to read your account out of imovements.  We are walking out of the cave dear friend....carry on.....coop

[[Se...]]

I'd like to ask... is, or has anyone here undergone a sort of spiritual crisis or awakening during this process?

 

In short, I was raised Catholic, but dropped out of organized religion years ago.  Even declared myself an atheist for a few months (lol).  But now... whoa.  Existentialism Supremo!  All I think about (besides the symptoms) is the Universe, my connection to it, the meaning of our lives, the "afterlife", the complete picture... the way this experience is unfolding and fitting with a higher reason, etc.

[[Se...]]

OK.  Now I really AM going for that walk. 

[[be...]]

Beulah.  If I woke up healed I would.. 

....volunteer 2x a week at my grandsons' classrooms...and love every minute of it. 

.......go to Mass

.......go out for long lunches with my friends and family

........go to some concerts, theatre, readings

..........sit for hours on my patio in the early morning

...........go to a movie and sit through the whole thing

...........do some early care and education seminars

............eat chocolate and drink some red wine

.............have my book club at my house.  .go to book club

..............enjoy everyone I know

. .............go on some road trips

...Beulah...this was a great question to think about...thanks for starting it

....Wishing you sunbreaks and ducks at your kitchen door....coip

 

Ahh Coop, it all sounds so wonderful..and much like you.

[[Co...]]

Good morning Nova

You are sounding really good, and I'm happy to hear you are seeing some improvements.. This is such a long process, longer than any of us thought, but we are getting there slowly but surely. Jenny

 

......Hi Jenny....really nice to see you this morning....you sound GOOD....Are you still holding at a very good place?..After your vacation I thought you sounded like you turned a definite corner....thinking of you....have the best day....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... yes, we are getting there ... not far now ... 

[[Co...]]

Wow, Nova... that's some good healing happening there.  How wonderful to hear!  Here's to all of our respective healing.    Enjoy your day.

 

Still in bed (on laptop) here, with one cat balled up against my right thigh, snoring away.  Ahhh... to be a cat.  'Tis the life.  Ha.

6

Managed to force myself into the shower last night, and washed my hair.  Things had been getting a little... ripe.  I certainly feel better about that now.   

 

Going to go for a walk soon.  Need to do something constructive, even though my motivation to do anything is hovering around zero these days.

 

Onward and upward, I guess.

 

Serenity

 

....Serenity....I remember when taking a bath and getting my dog out for a walk was the bravest thing I did all day, and I lived on my smart phone...In month 19.5 I am just pulling out of a killer wave where those things were true again. ....But things are starting to get better again. It's great that you can gather up the courage and motivation to go for a walk when everything inside of you doesn't feel like it...

.....To answer your question about faith.. .I completely lost any sense of God that I ever had..I am Catholic ( cafeteria style) also and haven't been to Mass in 18 months. I also went through months of intrusive terrible existential thoughts The intrusive thoughts still come and go , but in a window they are nowhere to be found. My sense of being connected to God, other people and nature is sputtering to life lately if I am in a good day. ...It all gets better.. in a very circular way...but if you read through the pages of this thread over the past week you will see so much improvement....Just get through the day that is in front of you....that will get you to the end.....Wishing you some sunbreaks for this day....coop

[[...]]

Word for the Day

 

In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.

 

HOWARD THURMAN

 

Nova, this is beautiful  I am so happy for you to be sounding like you're getting through this - low and slow is paying off for you 

[[No...]]

Serenity ... hmmm ... I would perhaps not use the word "crisis" ... I might choose to use "adventure" ...

 

And the feeling or sensation for me that seems to be sputtering to life in the background is "waking up" ...

 

After 25 years or so of being drugged and recovering, my sense is that I am waking up ... and it is often a bit Rip Van Winkelish ...

 

I remember my life before the drug ... and I remember what transpired on the drug and through recovery ... sort of ...

 

And as someone else once mentioned ... we have given ourselves the possibility, the gift, of a life without the drug ...

 

And so ... a caution ... for myself, I have learned to not take any significant personal decisions while on the drug and recovering ... I accepted that I am/was in a kind of limbo ... and often not connected to my environment is a healthy way ... that is changing ... my brain seems to be a good deal of the way "back" ... and most importantly, I am beginning to trust my discernment and judgment again ...

 

It all takes time ... and a lot of kindness towards myself ... much of this now feels like a process of "re-collecting" ... a kind of recollection ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ... I have sort of wandered all over the place ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Marj ... how are you doing today? ... hoping things have quieted down some for you ...