12-18 month support

[[je...]]

Thanks everyone for your kind words! I also wanted to tell you about a lady that was across the aisle from me on the plane, she was texting and I could read it-- she said she took 2 Valium and had 2 drinks to calm herself for the flight. Seeing her made me sick, like a flashback to all the times I took a benzo to calm myself and  so glad to be on the other side... My sister also causually mentioned that she takes ambien for sleep occasionally and that she wakes up feeling so great afterwards. She knows nothing about my w/d and I didn't feel like getting into it with her, but I just can't believe how causual everyone is about these drugs because the doctors tell them its safe...

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

So many positive posts lately..put a big smile on my face reading them.

 

I didn't get a walk in this morning because of the rain..maybe later this evening if all this rain stops.

Suppose to have rain the rest of the week.

 

Coop and Nova, I hope you will be able to catch some sunbreaks today.

 

Keeping it low and slow.

 

[[mr...]]

Hi Mrs ... how are you keeping? ....

 

Been an up and down week for me ... nothing out of the ordinary ...

 

Another week in paradise ... 

 

Hiya Nova,

 

I am keeping well. Things are not always "easy", but the healing continues despite ~ praising God for that! Its been a bit "soupy" the past week or so, but I'm just looking forward to it receding and leaving lots of healing in its wake.

 

Hope you're feeling lots of healing & getting better Its nice of you to reach out to me

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., you are such a young girl!  How in the world did you ever get prescribed  benzos?  I am so happy that you were able to get off them so quickly, and be educated on this site so that they never make a reappearance in your life.  (Although, I'm remembering, I was pretty young, maybe 32, 33?  the first time my doctor gave them to me for IBS.  Initially I was very suspicious of them, I didn't even take them, left the script in the medicine cabinet.  But they have a way of creeping up on us, don't they?

 

Heya Green,

 

I'm 33 years young. I was prescribed benzos in the E/R, after experiencing a panic attack. At the time, I had just started donating plasma for some extra money, & it had dipped my iron levels a bit low, which was the cause of the panic attack. That, combined with an unhealthy eating lifestyle and drinking waaaaaaay too much caffeine! Sort-of the "perfect storm" if you will Anyways, I had the panic attack and went to the E/R because I didn't know what it was, and they gave me 0.5mg alprazolam right in the E/R, and a 15-day prescription to take one per day and to follow up with my regular practitioner for a refill. So, I did. She moved me to 0.25mg and to take "as needed" (thankfully, in hindsight), because "they can be addictive". I had tolerance symptoms from the first pill, but didn't know it at the time. I was one if those that had issues with it from the get-go. My grandmother was the same way, actually!

 

Anyhoos, my life story My apologies for not getting back to you sooner, as I was camping rurally with choppy cell service Hope all is well!!

 

Mrs.

[[...]]

Wow it is so good to read such a lot of positivity on here.  Let's hope it's catching

 

HH success story is so inspiring, I can relate to everything she went through. It gives me hope to hang on as this weekend has been fiercly tough. There has been a lot of stress, things that I would inadvertantly brush off that have made me doubt my ability to get through this. I've done it before though so can do it again.

 

Jenny I'm so happy for you to finally get some relief and make progress.

 

Coop I wonder if I could send you a PM? I could do with a bit of advice ? 

[[Co...]]

Marj....absolutely....you can pm me any time that you need to. Beulah and Green keep me pasted together behind the scenes.  I would have lost it completely in this wave if not for extra pm help.....coop

[[Be...]]

Hi Guys,

 

I recently discovered this thread and posted some things a couple of weeks ago when I developed air hunger.  This persists and makes any sleep pretty tough as it feels like I'm suffocating all night.  This has now crossed over to the daytime as well.  I did a sleep study home test and found mild sleep apnea, likely, I think, from this withdrawal process. I'll be getting a CPAP device tomorrow and hope that it helps a bit.

 

I'd appreciate any thoughts about  what has been going on recently with my recovery.  I was in tolerance withdrawal for 5 years before I finally found out about the benzo issue.  During that time I had done 3 tapers of several months each from Xanax and Remeron which likely caused kindling.  I also had taken Lamictal and Zyprexa for a few months but stopped those over three years ago when I last stopped the xanax and Remeron, before reinstating those .

 

I then spent 17 months tapering from Klonopin (crossed over from Xanax to taper) , waited 5 months and then tapered Remeron for 10 months.  I finished Remeron last September, and while the tapers were pretty nasty, it was nothing compared to what ensued after finishing the Remeron.

 

I developed insomnia, weakness, fatigue, constant dizziness, nausea, and constant anxiety.  The dizziness is more than just the usual brain fog in that it hits me every morning once I'm up and around about 30 minutes after I'm up.  It's pretty debilitating and also is accompanied by a sickening queasiness and nausea. Not much helps with the nausea and makes eating tough, as it also creates a constant stomachache after eating anything.

 

So, I am now 23.5 months off Benzos and 8.5 months off Remeron.  I don't know what is causing all of this, the Benzo or the Remeron, but the symptoms seems to be getting worse, rather than better.  I've been having many days of almost panic attacks with very intense anxiety, set off by even the smallest stressors.    I have had significant stress lately with a family member in the final stages of pancreatic cancer.  This has required me to travel to see her, stay in a hotel with all these symptoms and not sleeping.  It's looking like I will soon have to make this trip again fairly soon once she passes and I have a lot of anxiety about traveling again like this.

 

So, every day is all about intense dizziness, nausea, stomachaches, weakness, fatigue,  and severe anxiety. I have many other physical symptoms such as muscle spasms, headaches, blurry vision, loss of taste, smell , hyper sensitive hearing , on and on.  So far, I have not had the mental stuff or depression that many have noted.  I have lost about 15-18 pounds so far as eating is difficult with the stomach pain that follows. 

 

I use MJ to sleep, but want to stop this ASAP once some of these symptoms abate so I can have a chance at natural sleep. The MJ helps with the stomach stuff and anxiety so I can fall asleep.  I don't think I would have a chance at sleep with all of the symptoms I have constantly,.

 

With MJ, I can get 3-6 hours of broken sleep and have to use it during the night as well if I want to get more than 3 hours of sleep.    It sucks, but I go downhill quickly if I don't get  a few hours of sleep. 

 

Right now, everything hurts my stomach, and I have been using a few stomach supplements like probiotics, DGL, Digestive enzymes, etc. I have discontinued all other supplements as I have no idea if they are making things worse or not. I had been taking  Tart cherry pills (melatonin), magnesium, fish oil caps, zinc, turmeric, and several others, but stopped everything. 

 

This has all ramped up since I stopped the Remeron, which I think had masked many of these symptoms. 

 

Since you guys are all in the same time frame that I am in, I was wondering if you think that this is just par for the course, how much longer these awful symptoms will persist, am I so damaged that this has a long way to go.......  Seems like this will never end and since things are getting worse, I tend to panic which brings on the anxiety even worse.    Any exertion at all brings on the extreme weakness and fatigue, the sickening nausea, and anxiety.  Help......

 

I appreciate any thoughts you may have.  Have others had all this stuff and still healed?  I had been better until the past 4 months or so when all of this ramped up.  I'm still functional, but my world is getting smaller, as I bump into walls and others as I try to continue to lead as "normal " a life as I can while going through this nightmare.   

 

Is this typical for 23.5 months off benzos and 8.5 months off Remeron?  I've had no windows in the 8 years Ive been going through this and is getting more and more difficult to practice "acceptance" and mindfulness. 

 

Sorry to be so negative, but this has been getting to be more than I can handle since it has gone on for so long.

 

Many thanks for any of your advice.

 

 

 

Nova and Coop  Thanks for your thoughts.    Does my stuff seem typical for almost two years out?

 

This dizziness, stomach stuff is ramping up greatly  and I'm wondering if this is now some new irreversible ailment that will never go away.   

 

Why the stomach stuff now ? Is it possibly just the Remeron withdrawal?   

 

Does this air hunger problem eventually go away, or do I now have sleep apnea indefinitely?

 

When does the ability to sleep naturally return?  Any parameters you guys have for any of this based on  the many people you've encountered? 

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

[[No...]]

Benzotired ... hmmm ... typical ... I believe nothing about this stuff is "typical" ... and ... there does seem to be "clusters" of healing timelines ... some short ... some middle ... and some longer ...

 

Everyone is unique ... everyone has their rhythm and timeline for this stuff ...

 

And yes ... although I have not experienced it, it makes sense to me that coming off multiple drugs may reengage stages of recovery as each drug is withdrawn ... what that may mean symptom and time wise depends on each individual ...

 

And yes ... the appearance of new symptoms and the return of ones that had diminished is common ...

 

And ... the success stories tell us the stuff we experience during recovery goes away ... and normal sleep returns ...

 

This is hard stuff for those of us who have been in this process for a seemingly long time ... lots of room for doubts and fears ... lots of room for trying to "figure this stuff out" ...

 

I hear you are suffering and you are trying to get a handle on this stuff ... as difficult as it may seem and as trite as it may sound, some days the best we can do is to accept what is going on as our healing and do the best we can with where we are that day ...

 

"Future telling" has mostly been a waste of time for me and usually just drives me nuts for a while until I stop it ... bottom line ... we all recover ... nobody gets left behind ... we just have to stay with the process, whatever it is day to day ...

 

Our bodies know what they are doing ... and they are doing it well ... most times it is best for me to just get out of my own way and go play solitaire, or cook, or sit and watch the wind blow ... or go to work, or go for a walk ... or clean the bathroom or do laundry ...

 

Distraction is our helpmate and time is our healer ... 

[[Gr...]]

Susan--you sound like you're on your way.  Please don't try to "NOT sound hopeful."  There's no  penalty for hoping, no such thing as false hope.  We LIVE on hope.  That's what a beloved doctor said to me years ago and he should know, having applied to Harvard Medical School while still incarcerated in a Japanese POW camp.  Boy were they surprised when he showed up for his first term!

 

Hope is fuel--eat it up.  There's no Judging Power waiting to say, "Oh, ha ha, you hoped you were done having waves but now you're not."  There's also no way to protect yourself from the inevitable disappointment when one comes.  Will it be any easier because you steadfastly refused to hope?  I doubt it. 

My healing looked like yours--just having more times of realizing I had the energy to go ahead and try to do something. Hang in there.  It sounds like you're almost there.   I'm gonna go ahead and do some of your hoping for you!

FJ, that's exactly what it is, still having hard days, lack of energy, sleep, is the big issue, but the better days are better, with more energy to do something.  Nothing big, nothing Earth shaking, but a lot more than I've been able to do for a long time.  Sure do wish we had a roadmap!  Thanks

[[Gr...]]

Green ... welcome to the 20 month side of things ... every day a little closer ... 

 

Is this the major leagues, Nova?!  I have to admit, I'm very happy to be here.  I am hopeful.  Even though I fell asleep at 8 a.m. and I'm still tired, I feel very hopeful.

 

Anyone getting that eyes wide open insomnia?  Like that little baby that's up the whole night, wide eyed, days and nights mixed up?  Except I don't sleep during the day Lol.  still feeling better.  Happy to be starting month 20

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... once again shut down early and slept several hours last night ... feeling pretty blah after yesterday's little benzo storm ... want to get out and walk for a while today ... sitting on me arse and contemplating my navel is only one side of things for me ...

 

Hope we all have a good Monday ... 

 

Can you define "several"!  Ha!

 

Have a good walk.  Hoping to get out myself today.  Only we don't have elevation, or even nature!, here on this Godforsaken outpost of NYC.  Searching for a patch of green.

Have  great walk.

[[No...]]

Green ... "several" ... more than 1, less than 20 ... 

 

Sorry to hear you are doing the insomnia thingie ... mine is mostly gone ... shows up once in a while ... I seem to be sleeping in 3 or 4 hour stretches and usually can fall back asleep when I wake most nights ...

[[Fi...]]

Green-Yeah, I think that's how healing mostly goes.  We'd like to hope that one day all the symptoms would just be gone, but I don't know too many stories where somebody just went from zero to sixty and that was it.  I think a lot of people write  success stories while they feel enthusiastic about their prospects for healing--and it's good that they do!--but later they'll still have some symptoms.  You are showing good signs of being on that path where you are kind of easing into being well.  I try to remind myself that I don't have to declare myself well to the world and then be expected to function exactly like I always used to.  I'm still being careful.  My husband's uncle died (long time coming, no shock factor involved) and I felt so grateful that the first thought in my mind was that of course we'd travel to the funeral.  I wasn't thinking about how sick and tentative I was feeling and worrying that I couldn't commit.  But my husband (who has learned so well how to play this game with me) is still saying that if I somehow don't feel up to it at the last minute, we won't go and that'll be okay.  Hang in there. PS wish I could be joining you at your beloved shows.  I love theatre.

[[Gr...]]

Hey Green.  I agree....let those dogs lie....they are barkers.

...thanks for the encouragement...I am arriving at the same conclusion....nothing I can do about then except survive them and try to do the best that I can until they are gone. Yes, Sky also said that she at one time could not eat and breathe at the same time...much like my 'can't talk and breathe at the same time'. ..JRod also mentioned it in his post above.  I am having more times of being able to be somewhat rational about as opposed to just flying off into catastrophic scenarios. I truly know that this has been the worst part of my entire w/d.  Well, acute was pretty much a blue hell but this is right up with it.  I forgot to mention also that my head pressure is much better..So much is better, but I feel just as sick and crazed as I did when they were all on board.  ...5 more months.. .I think you are right to stay low...get some traction on it before you push through too much... enjoy the low and slow side of life today.. I am trying to distract with the ever present neurotic house puttering and binge watching Hallmark Mysteries.  So sad, I used to have an agile curious energetic mind.  I used to write policy for infant/toddler early care and education.  Now I watch silly mysteries.....will my mind come back....will it want to stay if it does?...I can't think about it..  coop

 

Coop, you still have an agile, curious mind!  And you'll be reunited with it very soon!

No, I agree, get some traction.  I'm low and slow... and I have the distinct feeling if I overdo it, things could go south pretty quick.

 

What's good for me?  The housework part of my brain unfroze a little and I've been puttering around the house -- more than puttering.  I scrubbed the bathroom pretty good, in sections, a little at a time. but was able to keep going back and get it finished.  this is a good thing, for me, it was a terrible struggle to do anything in the way of housework, for the longest time, except basics, dishes, toilets, cooking. The house was really neglected while I went to those shows.  I just could not do it.  I was able to pick up my keys and go, do errands, mindless errands with a list, go to a few stores (weekdays!) but I have had so much trouble doing chores, tasks, the yard.    So I'm low and slow, but i'm cleaning and straightening.  This is a wonderful thing.  don't know if it's here to stay, but the bathroom is clean, anyway.   The desire to do it, and the energy. Yay.

 

My God, how sick we've been that we're grateful to feel good enough to clean the house!  To feel the desire and interest and have the energy to clean the bath.

 

Coop, I don't want to sound hopeful, cuz I know those benzo hounds are still sniffing around, but maybe it won't take five months, maybe sooner.   Dang, it sure feels nice to be a little normal.

 

Sue, I think it is a  big step. I know I will have healed, when I can do things like these without the painful planning and endless lists.

 

I am really happy for you.

 

Hope away, please do. 

 

Funny, Sky, I wrote in my progress log many moons ago I would declare myself healed when I could clean this whole house from top to bottom.  How ironic to have to wait for healing to clean the house. 

And remember those early days on the thread?  How sick/crazed/ out of it we were?  If anyone had told me this would take two years, I would have jumped off my little ledge!

But here we are.  Hopefully we'll all be writing our stories soon, one after another.

Happy house hunting.

[[Gr...]]

[move]HAPPY 19TH ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!![move][/move][/move]

 

Wow, you are no longer a teenager anymore either ! 

 

Yeah, big time!

[[Gr...]]

Excuse me guys, I have to tell you about something that happened to me yesterday.

 

Yesterday was really bad.

 

On top of that, I met a ghost from my past... I didn't really meet this ghost, he booked a Skype lesson with me.

 

This guy, I met him at the offline school I taught in, in the last year, 2013, before my CT. That awful sad year when I was simply floundering unwittingly in symptoms of tolerance.

 

All along, he had been trying to keep in touch with me and of course, I explained I was sick and didn't want to see anyone.

 

So, this felt really sneaky to me. But, I had the lesson all the same and tried to be as professional as possible. I was way too professional, almost cold.

 

At the end, he said he was sorry if he had annoyed me.

 

That's when I felt bad, but there was little I could do about it. He wanted to have a chat with the person he met in 2013 and I simply am not that person anymore.

 

At the end, he was telling me his mother was at the hospital because of a mild stroke, he had not been getting his salary for two months, he is obviously feeling lonely.

 

So, I felt bad about being cold or distant.

 

Anyway, it made me think.

 

I know I have changed a lot, but that conversation, made me see  how much.

 

But mostly, I just felt distant mentally. Not DR distant, just naturally distant, if you know what I mean.

 

Oh well, this is going to happen to all of us at some point.  It's only natural with all that has happened to us.

 

Sky...I think after such a long time it feels unnatural to try to resume an on line professional relationship . It would feel awkward whether you were in w/d or not. ...I think it was nothing that you should feel that you let him down in any way. To me it sounds like an awkward encounter. Hopefully he will follow your professional lead and find support for his worries from family/friends or a counselor.

...I hope you do not spend another second feeling bad about it. ....It is so important in our healing that we take care of ourselves....I know you posted previous today, but I missed the post and will go back and read it....all of sudden there were new posts all at once....rest well Sky....coop

 

Coop, I am not thinking about it at all, but thanks for getting back to me. You are right, it would have been awkward no matter what.

 

The thing I found interesting, was how far away I felt.

 

You see, 19 months does not feel like a lot to me at all, because I have been living in this bubble. But it has been and we are different people now, all of us.

 

And it may seem obvious, but you know how people say they have changed and haven't actually changed at all ?

 

Anyway, this has been a life changing experience and  we had to change otherwise we would have never survived. This may be only the beginning.

I believe that with all my heart.

[[Gr...]]

[move]HAPPY 19TH ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!![move][/move][/move]

 

Way to go.

Keep healing.

 

Thank you!

 

[[Co...]]

"Distraction is the helpmate, time is the healer"....Nova....great mantra for this day....

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... how are you doing today? ... I am just hanging out ... watching more Miss Fisher and her Mysteries ... things seem to be "settling" after my two day storm ...

[[Gr...]]

Hi Mrs ... how are you keeping? ....

 

Been an up and down week for me ... nothing out of the ordinary ...

 

Another week in paradise ... 

 

Hiya Nova,

 

I am keeping well. Things are not always "easy", but the healing continues despite ~ praising God for that! Its been a bit "soupy" the past week or so, but I'm just looking forward to it receding and leaving lots of healing in its wake.

 

Hope you're feeling lots of healing & getting better Its nice of you to reach out to me

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., you are such a young girl!  How in the world did you ever get prescribed  benzos?  I am so happy that you were able to get off them so quickly, and be educated on this site so that they never make a reappearance in your life.  (Although, I'm remembering, I was pretty young, maybe 32, 33?  the first time my doctor gave them to me for IBS.  Initially I was very suspicious of them, I didn't even take them, left the script in the medicine cabinet.  But they have a way of creeping up on us, don't they?

 

Heya Green,

 

I'm 33 years young. I was prescribed benzos in the E/R, after experiencing a panic attack. At the time, I had just started donating plasma for some extra money, & it had dipped my iron levels a bit low, which was the cause of the panic attack. That, combined with an unhealthy eating lifestyle and drinking waaaaaaay too much caffeine! Sort-of the "perfect storm" if you will Anyways, I had the panic attack and went to the E/R because I didn't know what it was, and they gave me 0.5mg alprazolam right in the E/R, and a 15-day prescription to take one per day and to follow up with my regular practitioner for a refill. So, I did. She moved me to 0.25mg and to take "as needed" (thankfully, in hindsight), because "they can be addictive". I had tolerance symptoms from the first pill, but didn't know it at the time. I was one if those that had issues with it from the get-go. My grandmother was the same way, actually!

 

Anyhoos, my life story My apologies for not getting back to you sooner, as I was camping rurally with choppy cell service Hope all is well!!

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs.

It's a sign of my healing that I'm waking up and taking note of what's going on around me.  And wondering how in the world we all got here!

 

I am so glad you were able to learn this valuable lesson about how sensitive you are to medication, at such a young age.  It will serve you well, I think.

 

Although, I don't know how "super sensitive" we all are.  Seems like I hear of more and more people having problems outside the thread, going through protracted.  It's practically a public health problem.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... "several" ... more than 1, less than 20 ...    Funny guy!

 

Sorry to hear you are doing the insomnia thingie ... mine is mostly gone ... shows up once in a while ... I seem to be sleeping in 3 or 4 hour stretches and usually can fall back asleep when I wake most nights ...

 

the insomnia is not so bad this far out (now that i'm an upper classman, lol.)  Seriously, I feel more normal tired after a sleepless night, not that horrible I need to scrape myself off the ground exhaustion I was getting.  So things are better.

 

Walk long and well, my friend.

[[Gr...]]

Green-Yeah, I think that's how healing mostly goes.  We'd like to hope that one day all the symptoms would just be gone, but I don't know too many stories where somebody just went from zero to sixty and that was it.  I think a lot of people write  success stories while they feel enthusiastic about their prospects for healing--and it's good that they do!--but later they'll still have some symptoms.  You are showing good signs of being on that path where you are kind of easing into being well.  I try to remind myself that I don't have to declare myself well to the world and then be expected to function exactly like I always used to.  I'm still being careful.  My husband's uncle died (long time coming, no shock factor involved) and I felt so grateful that the first thought in my mind was that of course we'd travel to the funeral.  I wasn't thinking about how sick and tentative I was feeling and worrying that I couldn't commit.  But my husband (who has learned so well how to play this game with me) is still saying that if I somehow don't feel up to it at the last minute, we won't go and that'll be okay.  Hang in there. PS wish I could be joining you at your beloved shows.  I love theatre.

 

Traveling to a wake/funeral without falling apart is major. I agree, people have different criteria for declaring themselves healed.  For Baylissa it was a return of her mental clarity, when the DR and cog fog stopped.

 

Yes, NYC is the place for theater, the best theater in the world I think.  And not only talking about Broadway, where it's glitzy, there's so many off and off-off B'way theater companies here you can trip over them, and they are amazingly good.

[[Co...]]

Hi Coop ... how are you doing today? ... I am just hanging out ... watching more Miss Fisher and her Mysteries ... things seem to be "settling" after my two day storm ...

 

....Hi Nova...I am slow and low today....BUT..  a few hours of window going on this morning. Not of the Effortless Mind big brightvwindow...but health fears are almost quiet, leaving some head space for .....drum roll.... some happy thoughts and happy feelings being out in the sun with my dog. Having quiet health fears is such a huge respite...I will take it.

...Still laying low, but happy low...I think my energy is a little depleted from this never ending wave...Not tempting the Benzo dogs today...just enjoying the lull. Yep, some mysteries on tap for me today too...also some reading as I can actually concentrate today. The most peace I have had in weeks. 

...Nova so happy to hear that you are getting a break today too.  carry on.  we are doing better today....coop

[[Co...]]

Mrs. ...so fun to see you here today...Green is right....you are soooo young. You are younger than my son who is 35...makes me feel really old...I have a question from you post regarding your start with benzos. Are you saying that after a brief time on .25 ativan you had a long taper with sx and some months of on going w/d sx?...This is truly mean wicked stuff.....I was also prescribed ativan in er for a panic originating from sudden vertigo from ear disrurbance. ...Also sent home with re-fillable ativan script for 1 mg...as well as a script for mclazine 50mg......

....You are doing fabulous ....coop

[[Co...]]

Benzotired ... hmmm ... typical ... I believe nothing about this stuff is "typical" ... and ... there does seem to be "clusters" of healing timelines ... some short ... some middle ... and some longer ...

 

Everyone is unique ... everyone has their rhythm and timeline for this stuff ...

 

And yes ... although I have not experienced it, it makes sense to me that coming off multiple drugs may reengage stages of recovery as each drug is withdrawn ... what that may mean symptom and time wise depends on each individual ...

 

And yes ... the appearance of new symptoms and the return of ones that had diminished is common ...

 

And ... the success stories tell us the stuff we experience during recovery goes away ... and normal sleep returns ...

 

This is hard stuff for those of us who have been in this process for a seemingly long time ... lots of room for doubts and fears ... lots of room for trying to "figure this stuff out" ...

 

I hear you are suffering and you are trying to get a handle on this stuff ... as difficult as it may seem and as trite as it may sound, some days the best we can do is to accept what is going on as our healing and do the best we can with where we are that day ...

 

"Future telling" has mostly been a waste of time for me and usually just drives me nuts for a while until I stop it ... bottom line ... we all recover ... nobody gets left behind ... we just have to stay with the process, whatever it is day to day ...

 

Our bodies know what they are doing ... and they are doing it well ... most times it is best for me to just get out of my own way and go play solitaire, or cook, or sit and watch the wind blow ... or go to work, or go for a walk ... or clean the bathroom or do laundry ...

 

Distraction is our helpmate and time is our healer ... 

 

......Benzotired....yep, everything that Nova said. ...I developed air hunger/ cough/ rib and chest pain at 18.5 months. Now at 19.5 months I have upper stomach pain with eating. I am 98% convinced that both are w/d sx. I have been to the doctor 3/4 times in the last 6 weeks ruling out other conditions. Like you, new sx make me think something terrible is wrong...I have yet to have anything of consequence wrong. There are many perspectives regarding going to the doctor and not going to the doctor. It's all an individual call. For me, I check out new and/or worrisome sx... and then let it go when results come back clear. It is so easy to develop hypochondria. For me, hypochondria and out of control health fear developed during w/d, I did not have intense health fear prior to benzos. This will go away for you ( and me) with healing.  Just hold on BT.. keep going. As you can see there are several of us who are approaching 24 months out still having waves....but like Nova said, we are all going to heal......coop

[[...]]

Hey Green.  I agree....let those dogs lie....they are barkers.

...thanks for the encouragement...I am arriving at the same conclusion....nothing I can do about then except survive them and try to do the best that I can until they are gone. Yes, Sky also said that she at one time could not eat and breathe at the same time...much like my 'can't talk and breathe at the same time'. ..JRod also mentioned it in his post above.  I am having more times of being able to be somewhat rational about as opposed to just flying off into catastrophic scenarios. I truly know that this has been the worst part of my entire w/d.  Well, acute was pretty much a blue hell but this is right up with it.  I forgot to mention also that my head pressure is much better..So much is better, but I feel just as sick and crazed as I did when they were all on board.  ...5 more months.. .I think you are right to stay low...get some traction on it before you push through too much... enjoy the low and slow side of life today.. I am trying to distract with the ever present neurotic house puttering and binge watching Hallmark Mysteries.  So sad, I used to have an agile curious energetic mind.  I used to write policy for infant/toddler early care and education.  Now I watch silly mysteries.....will my mind come back....will it want to stay if it does?...I can't think about it..  coop

 

Coop, you still have an agile, curious mind!  And you'll be reunited with it very soon!

No, I agree, get some traction.  I'm low and slow... and I have the distinct feeling if I overdo it, things could go south pretty quick.

 

What's good for me?  The housework part of my brain unfroze a little and I've been puttering around the house -- more than puttering.  I scrubbed the bathroom pretty good, in sections, a little at a time. but was able to keep going back and get it finished.  this is a good thing, for me, it was a terrible struggle to do anything in the way of housework, for the longest time, except basics, dishes, toilets, cooking. The house was really neglected while I went to those shows.  I just could not do it.  I was able to pick up my keys and go, do errands, mindless errands with a list, go to a few stores (weekdays!) but I have had so much trouble doing chores, tasks, the yard.    So I'm low and slow, but i'm cleaning and straightening.  This is a wonderful thing.  don't know if it's here to stay, but the bathroom is clean, anyway.   The desire to do it, and the energy. Yay.

 

My God, how sick we've been that we're grateful to feel good enough to clean the house!  To feel the desire and interest and have the energy to clean the bath.

 

Coop, I don't want to sound hopeful, cuz I know those benzo hounds are still sniffing around, but maybe it won't take five months, maybe sooner.   Dang, it sure feels nice to be a little normal.

 

Sue, I think it is a  big step. I know I will have healed, when I can do things like these without the painful planning and endless lists.

 

I am really happy for you.

 

Hope away, please do. 

 

Funny, Sky, I wrote in my progress log many moons ago I would declare myself healed when I could clean this whole house from top to bottom.  How ironic to have to wait for healing to clean the house. 

And remember those early days on the thread?  How sick/crazed/ out of it we were?  If anyone had told me this would take two years, I would have jumped off my little ledge!

But here we are.  Hopefully we'll all be writing our stories soon, one after another.

Happy house hunting.

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This is what I say to myself all the time; I will know I am making progress when I can clean from top to bottom. Sometimes I can do the odd little bit. I hate it that my home is neglected, so trivial I know.  I'm so envious of your shiny bathroom.

 

Can I ask if anyone's anxiety and fear ramped up to you want to 'jump out of your skin' at 14 months? This wave is scaring the life out of me. I don't know if it's intensified by some stress over the weekend that caused a major meltdown. Every nerve in my body is on fire. Sorry to be negative on such a positive stretch  :'(