12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Morning all,

Looks like some of you are having  a rough Sunday morning.

My morning is actually not to bad. Friday morning was a bad one, yesterday and today not so bad.

Hoping this pattern lasts for me for a while.

 

Hope you guys get some let up later today.

 

Keeping it low and slow.

 

Beulah, glad you're getting a break today. 

 

Quick question for when you come back.  You mention groin pain.  I've got double sided burning in the groin, possible where you'd expect the ovaries to be, although I'm post M.  I saw you had groin pan on your signature.  Wondering if it was like this.

[[Co...]]

Good morning 12-18 (24) month buddies.

.....It's another day of relentless health fear today...can't concentrate....yada yada....However I thought I would share with you sx that I DON'T  seem to have for awhile now

...intrusive guilt, remorse, regret, that used to loop. That one has been absent ( 90%) for at least a few months

....Exestential black thoughts that I didn't know a human mind could generate... ( however I do have times of recurring thoughts of death/dying fueled by my health fears, but these have a completely different tone than the Exestential intrusive thoughts that used to descend on me from some black alternate universe) 

....Shaking and jitters .. gone for about 6 weeks

......inability to get out of bed.. this one has been a lot better since my year one mark....having said that, this wave has had me back in bed from time to time.

.......Depression....that suffocating heavy black depression that I could not get out from under is gone...and has been (90%) since month 16. I do get depressed due to constant anxiety, but it is very situational and does not snuff the light out of my every single day. If not (big if) for the driving health fear my outlook would actually be good

.....headaches....haven't had one for a long time

......tinnitus....was absent, but has returned on and off in this wave

........dizziness...way less but comes and goes in this wave

.........concentration has improved...except during health fear ,but if health fear is only moderate I have 70-75% better concentration.

 

....aside from brutal health fear anxiety the lingering sx that rain for me at month 19 .....

.......Moderate agoraphobia....but much better especially if my daughter and I are doing something together

..........socializing is still a mess...I feel claustrophobic in conversations...

....All in all I can see and feel healing but the health fear is like an unsurmountable huge mountain right in my way...it is ruining my life and high jacking my healing. The intensity and depth of it is entirely new....I had some health fears following my 2 trips to er for b/p spikes ( I slept with my b/p monitor for a few weeks), but my resilience was so much better...when my b/p got stable I pretty much got past it.  This is completely  a different sx.. It prevents me from getting out of my head and into the present moment. It is constant and obssessive. ...and....because I know Beulah's panics completely stopped, I believe that some day my all consuming health fears will go away...wish it would be today

  ...Wishing everyone some peace from whatever sx (s) is talking trash to you today....thinking of everyone....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green ... doing the low and slow thing feels more grounded than the feeling of treading water ... more the sense of healing than just surviving ...

 

We are getting through this stuff ... maybe there really is an end in sight ... 

 

Nova, I suspect we're in the same rowboat right now, low and slow, distinctly better than treading water.  But I'm superstitious, not that confident, whatever, having dealt with this for so long, knowing it's possible to go out with a bang!  Which I don't look forward to, even though it's the path to being cured.  Kind of like the last push before the baby.  As long as we've all been pregnant!

[[Gr...]]

Hey everyone:

 

Would appreciate your thoughts.

 

In a few days I'll be @ 18 months off benzos and close to

(13 months off remeron 3.75 mg from jan to may 2014 -5 months total).

 

I continue having a hard time coping with this recovery. Hard to believe it can be still this extreme. Except for the tinnitus, some back, chest & shoulder pain, the physical stuff is minimal.

 

The relentless stuff is all mental.

 

The old mental symptoms I still deal with are the following ;

 

1)Depression/hopelessness/despair , (2-3 times a week,not consecutive)not as dark and scary as 6-8 month ago but still very bad.

 

2)Raw Anxiety is much better but when it hits it hits hard.

 

3)Morning doom and gloom (anxiety)somewhat better but still here.

 

4) dizziness comes and goes.

 

5) not as much looping thoughts but still with me.

 

6) normal stresses can still debilitate me

 

7) The, this will never end thoughts

 

occasional nausea

 

9) occasional short crying spells from the above mainly the depression/hopelessness

 

 

Fairly new symtoms;

 

1) extreme fear/terror (anxiety?)

 

2) sleep somewhat starting to suffer again

 

 

I'm sure I'm not alone but all the mental stuff continues to cycle & is still so extreme with very few breaks. I do get breaks, not windows just less badness.

 

 

I'm still working ,traveling domestic and international. Most of the time on auto pilot but doing it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm pushing too much? Then there's times that I realize without the work there would be very little distraction and distraction is what has gotten me this far. I also workout (not extreme) 4-5 times a week

 

I admit there has been improvement but I'm no where near I'd thought I'd be at this time. Maybe has to do with my ct maybe some kindling maybe years of alcohol maybe not. All I know is that this is relentless and even though I'm 18 months off of benzos, 2years off of alcohol and take nothing but (2mg of vistaril)2-3 times a month, seems like I'm in for much more time in this slop.

 

I just feel stuck with little to no improvement. Also I feel like I'm one of the more extreme WD cases which creates a more sense of hopelessness.  Don't mean to be a downer but those are the facts.

 

Can anyone relate to something similar? Can this still be so difficult this far out?

 

Thk u all

 

JRod,

 

You're exactly one month behind me.  Yes, this is normal, yes, it's withdrawal, it's not you.  Sounds like you're getting hit hard with the mental symptoms, which are just as brutal as physical.  They make living a nightmare.  But it does get better.  get past that 18.5 mark, that's when things started getting a little better for me.  Month 18 packs a mean wave, mental and physical symptoms.  I remember thinking how I couldn't believe how bad it was so far out.  It was one of the hardest times for me.  I had to look for extra support, I was feeling so hopeless.  Don't lose hope.  It's not you, it's definitely withdrawal, and it passes.

 

You've gotten this far.  You're going to make it.

[[Co...]]

Yes, " distinctly better than treading water" ....or going under......yes, we have all been pregnant...with multiple crowd g heavy sx ...makes me think of The Alien....lol

[[Gr...]]

Good morning 12-18 (24) month buddies.

.....It's another day of relentless health fear today...can't concentrate....yada yada....However I thought I would share with you sx that I DON'T  seem to have for awhile now

...intrusive guilt, remorse, regret, that used to loop. That one has been absent ( 90%) for at least a few months

....Exestential black thoughts that I didn't know a human mind could generate... ( however I do have times of recurring thoughts of death/dying fueled by my health fears, but these have a completely different tone than the Exestential intrusive thoughts that used to descend on me from some black alternate universe) 

....Shaking and jitters .. gone for about 6 weeks

......inability to get out of bed.. this one has been a lot better since my year one mark....having said that, this wave has had me back in bed from time to time.

.......Depression....that suffocating heavy black depression that I could not get out from under is gone...and has been (90%) since month 16. I do get depressed due to constant anxiety, but it is very situational and does not snuff the light out of my every single day. If not (big if) for the driving health fear my outlook would actually be good

.....headaches....haven't had one for a long time

......tinnitus....was absent, but has returned on and off in this wave

........dizziness...way less but comes and goes in this wave

.........concentration has improved...except during health fear ,but if health fear is only moderate I have 70-75% better concentration.

 

....aside from brutal health fear anxiety the lingering sx that rain for me at month 19 .....

.......Moderate agoraphobia....but much better especially if my daughter and I are doing something together

..........socializing is still a mess...I feel claustrophobic in conversations...

....All in all I can see and feel healing but the health fear is like an unsurmountable huge mountain right in my way...it is ruining my life and high jacking my healing. The intensity and depth of it is entirely new....I had some health fears following my 2 trips to er for b/p spikes ( I slept with my b/p monitor for a few weeks), but my resilience was so much better...when my b/p got stable I pretty much got past it.  This is completely  a different sx.. It prevents me from getting out of my head and into the present moment. It is constant and obssessive. ...and....because I know Beulah's panics completely stopped, I believe that some day my all consuming health fears will go away...wish it would be today

  ...Wishing everyone some peace from whatever sx (s) is talking trash to you today....thinking of everyone....coop

 

Coop, how great that you made the "what's better" list.  I'm treading carefully around my wd dogs right now, I don't want to disturb them by thinking about them.

 

Coop, the mental symptoms can be so powerful there's little we can do to control them.  I don't have any now, but my head is clear enough to remember how helpless I am when they're happening, they are so very real, a very powerful symptom.

 

I remember another little strategy for intrusive thoughts.  Don't fight them.  Acknowledge you have them.  and then say stop, very firmly.  sometimes that works, not always.

 

Sky mentioned she has the rib and chest pain.

[[Sk...]]

Good morning 12-18 (24) month buddies.

.....It's another day of relentless health fear today...can't concentrate....yada yada....However I thought I would share with you sx that I DON'T  seem to have for awhile now

...intrusive guilt, remorse, regret, that used to loop. That one has been absent ( 90%) for at least a few months

....Exestential black thoughts that I didn't know a human mind could generate... ( however I do have times of recurring thoughts of death/dying fueled by my health fears, but these have a completely different tone than the Exestential intrusive thoughts that used to descend on me from some black alternate universe) 

....Shaking and jitters .. gone for about 6 weeks

......inability to get out of bed.. this one has been a lot better since my year one mark....having said that, this wave has had me back in bed from time to time.

.......Depression....that suffocating heavy black depression that I could not get out from under is gone...and has been (90%) since month 16. I do get depressed due to constant anxiety, but it is very situational and does not snuff the light out of my every single day. If not (big if) for the driving health fear my outlook would actually be good

.....headaches....haven't had one for a long time

......tinnitus....was absent, but has returned on and off in this wave

........dizziness...way less but comes and goes in this wave

.........concentration has improved...except during health fear ,but if health fear is only moderate I have 70-75% better concentration.

 

....aside from brutal health fear anxiety the lingering sx that rain for me at month 19 .....

.......Moderate agoraphobia....but much better especially if my daughter and I are doing something together

..........socializing is still a mess...I feel claustrophobic in conversations...

....All in all I can see and feel healing but the health fear is like an unsurmountable huge mountain right in my way...it is ruining my life and high jacking my healing. The intensity and depth of it is entirely new....I had some health fears following my 2 trips to er for b/p spikes ( I slept with my b/p monitor for a few weeks), but my resilience was so much better...when my b/p got stable I pretty much got past it.  This is completely  a different sx.. It prevents me from getting out of my head and into the present moment. It is constant and obssessive. ...and....because I know Beulah's panics completely stopped, I believe that some day my all consuming health fears will go away...wish it would be today

  ...Wishing everyone some peace from whatever sx (s) is talking trash to you today....thinking of everyone....coop

 

 

Coop, thanks for sharing this list, it got me to reflect on  my overall improvements as well.

 

I think this is the closest thing to a success story that we are going to get here,  and that is great ! 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hey Green.  I agree....let those dogs lie....they are barkers.

...thanks for the encouragement...I am arriving at the same conclusion....nothing I can do about then except survive them and try to do the best that I can until they are gone. Yes, Sky also said that she at one time could not eat and breathe at the same time...much like my 'can't talk and breathe at the same time'. ..JRod also mentioned it in his post above.  I am having more times of being able to be somewhat rational about as opposed to just flying off into catastrophic scenarios. I truly know that this has been the worst part of my entire w/d.  Well, acute was pretty much a blue hell but this is right up with it.  I forgot to mention also that my head pressure is much better..So much is better, but I feel just as sick and crazed as I did when they were all on board.  ...5 more months.. .I think you are right to stay low...get some traction on it before you push through too much... enjoy the low and slow side of life today.. I am trying to distract with the ever present neurotic house puttering and binge watching Hallmark Mysteries.  So sad, I used to have an agile curious energetic mind.  I used to write policy for infant/toddler early care and education.  Now I watch silly mysteries.....will my mind come back....will it want to stay if it does?...I can't think about it..  coop

[[Co...]]

Sky.  Thanks for the encouragement... I would feel better about my improvements if the health anxiety was not all consuming. It's like they just filled in every inch of space left vacant by the sx that have dropped off. . 'Success' seems years away.  Drew and Beulah seem to be heading down the home stretch.  So happy for both of them

....How is the house search coming along?...What sx have improved for you?...Do you feel that some are gone?

  ..coop

[[No...]]

Hey Coop ... our mind has not gone anywhere ... just taking a bit of a breather while we recover ...

 

Doing some binge watching myself ... Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries ...

 

Things are calming a bit for me ... the head pressure is letting up some, and the anxiety and benzo belly stuff is letting go a little ... should be even better in a while ... we just need to give it the time it needs to do its thing ...

 

And yes, the doubt ... not much we can do about it except do our best to ignore it ... 

[[...]]

Hey everyone:

 

Would appreciate your thoughts.

 

In a few days I'll be @ 18 months off benzos and close to

(13 months off remeron 3.75 mg from jan to may 2014 -5 months total).

 

I continue having a hard time coping with this recovery. Hard to believe it can be still this extreme. Except for the tinnitus, some back, chest & shoulder pain, the physical stuff is minimal.

 

The relentless stuff is all mental.

 

The old mental symptoms I still deal with are the following ;

 

1)Depression/hopelessness/despair , (2-3 times a week,not consecutive)not as dark and scary as 6-8 month ago but still very bad.

 

2)Raw Anxiety is much better but when it hits it hits hard.

 

3)Morning doom and gloom (anxiety)somewhat better but still here.

 

4) dizziness comes and goes.

 

5) not as much looping thoughts but still with me.

 

6) normal stresses can still debilitate me

 

7) The, this will never end thoughts

 

occasional nausea

 

9) occasional short crying spells from the above mainly the depression/hopelessness

 

 

Fairly new symtoms;

 

1) extreme fear/terror (anxiety?)

 

2) sleep somewhat starting to suffer again

 

 

I'm sure I'm not alone but all the mental stuff continues to cycle & is still so extreme with very few breaks. I do get breaks, not windows just less badness.

 

 

I'm still working ,traveling domestic and international. Most of the time on auto pilot but doing it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm pushing too much? Then there's times that I realize without the work there would be very little distraction and distraction is what has gotten me this far. I also workout (not extreme) 4-5 times a week

 

I admit there has been improvement but I'm no where near I'd thought I'd be at this time. Maybe has to do with my ct maybe some kindling maybe years of alcohol maybe not. All I know is that this is relentless and even though I'm 18 months off of benzos, 2years off of alcohol and take nothing but (2mg of vistaril)2-3 times a month, seems like I'm in for much more time in this slop.

 

I just feel stuck with little to no improvement. Also I feel like I'm one of the more extreme WD cases which creates a more sense of hopelessness.  Don't mean to be a downer but those are the facts.

 

Can anyone relate to something similar? Can this still be so difficult this far out?

 

Thk u all

 

.......JR.....So sorry to hear that month 18 is so difficult...So many of us are going through practically another acute in months 16-20....stinks.

.....I am in month 19+ 10 days....I have been in a wave since yje end of March....Having said that , many of my sx have fallen away, but anxiety has increased by 10,000...actually debilitating and drives health fear lIke I never knew existed at such brutal intensity.......So I hear ya..  What the heck....

.....I have no words of great encouragement....just know that you are not alone. There are 3 or 4 of us rowing for all we are worth across this wave....I do believe it ends, but it seems like it ends only after we have rowed across two oceans shore to shore in a rickety fragile row boat with sometimes more suffers than it was meant to ferry....

.......You have my heart...I know how bad you feel on all counts....This is what is keeping me together today....Beulah used to get such bad panic attacks that she passed out...even in her car....she pulled to the side of the road, passed out and continued driving after her panic was over. This story is going to become the legend of w/d land. ...and she has endured 2 withdrawls....I guess I can go 5/6 more months

......You ( and all of us)

.... are going to wash up on the the shore.  on the other side of the ocean....beat to hell but healed.

........coop

 

 

y

 

Thk u Coop! I know the last 3-4 months have been a bear for you but you've seen better days in this journey as you will soon see again. I just never thought I'd start on month 19 so screwed up. I feel like that boat you guys talk about , ridden hard and put away wet.

 

Thx for your support !

[[...]]

Hey everyone:

 

Would appreciate your thoughts.

 

In a few days I'll be @ 18 months off benzos and close to

(13 months off remeron 3.75 mg from jan to may 2014 -5 months total).

 

I continue having a hard time coping with this recovery. Hard to believe it can be still this extreme. Except for the tinnitus, some back, chest & shoulder pain, the physical stuff is minimal.

 

The relentless stuff is all mental.

 

The old mental symptoms I still deal with are the following ;

 

1)Depression/hopelessness/despair , (2-3 times a week,not consecutive)not as dark and scary as 6-8 month ago but still very bad.

 

2)Raw Anxiety is much better but when it hits it hits hard.

 

3)Morning doom and gloom (anxiety)somewhat better but still here.

 

4) dizziness comes and goes.

 

5) not as much looping thoughts but still with me.

 

6) normal stresses can still debilitate me

 

7) The, this will never end thoughts

 

occasional nausea

 

9) occasional short crying spells from the above mainly the depression/hopelessness

 

 

Fairly new symtoms;

 

1) extreme fear/terror (anxiety?)

 

2) sleep somewhat starting to suffer again

 

 

I'm sure I'm not alone but all the mental stuff continues to cycle & is still so extreme with very few breaks. I do get breaks, not windows just less badness.

 

 

I'm still working ,traveling domestic and international. Most of the time on auto pilot but doing it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm pushing too much? Then there's times that I realize without the work there would be very little distraction and distraction is what has gotten me this far. I also workout (not extreme) 4-5 times a week

 

I admit there has been improvement but I'm no where near I'd thought I'd be at this time. Maybe has to do with my ct maybe some kindling maybe years of alcohol maybe not. All I know is that this is relentless and even though I'm 18 months off of benzos, 2years off of alcohol and take nothing but (2mg of vistaril)2-3 times a month, seems like I'm in for much more time in this slop.

 

I just feel stuck with little to no improvement. Also I feel like I'm one of the more extreme WD cases which creates a more sense of hopelessness.  Don't mean to be a downer but those are the facts.

 

Can anyone relate to something similar? Can this still be so difficult this far out?

 

Thk u all

 

.......JR.....So sorry to hear that month 18 is so difficult...So many of us are going through practically another acute in months 16-20....stinks.

.....I am in month 19+ 10 days....I have been in a wave since yje end of March....Having said that , many of my sx have fallen away, but anxiety has increased by 10,000...actually debilitating and drives health fear lIke I never knew existed at such brutal intensity.......So I hear ya..  What the heck....

.....I have no words of great encouragement....just know that you are not alone. There are 3 or 4 of us rowing for all we are worth across this wave....I do believe it ends, but it seems like it ends only after we have rowed across two oceans shore to shore in a rickety fragile row boat with sometimes more suffers than it was meant to ferry....

.......You have my heart...I know how bad you feel on all counts....This is what is keeping me together today....Beulah used to get such bad panic attacks that she passed out...even in her car....she pulled to the side of the road, passed out and continued driving after her panic was over. This story is going to become the legend of w/d land. ...and she has endured 2 withdrawls....I guess I can go 5/6 more months

......You ( and all of us)

.... are going to wash up on the the shore.  on the other side of the ocean....beat to hell but healed.

........coop

 

 

y

 

Coop, you are right, it's as if, when the other symptoms subside the anxiety gets stronger. Much stronger.

 

My anxiety today was off the charts, for instance. It gets so strong, it feels like a veil of pain wrapping and squashing my heart and my stomach.

And it comes to me, mid day. Morning and evening it abates, at least I get that.

 

J-Rod, you are at a bad month,  but your wd is not incurable at all, that is just a benzo lie. You are not a special case. You are going to heal just like the rest of us.

 

Coop, is it you who is getting chest and rib cage pain ? very very strong and sudden? I have been having that in these last days, it's a little scary, I have to say.

 

 

Hey Sky ; I was getting chest/rib pains back when on the lunesta. That's when I started spending lots of time at cardiologist and GI DOC's every test imaginable. After 4 years of on and off chest pains & GI issues, I finally figured out I was having interdose WD from the lunesta. I still get the chest pains but no where near as much or as painful but still scary when it visits.

 

Appreciate your kind words

[[No...]]

Jrod ... for some these can be confusing and seemingly endless ... and we are getting there ... there can be lots of doubt and discouragement around this time ... and the folks who have come before us tell us that some of us fit with this 24 month or so pattern ...

 

Many of us on this thread seem to be heading in that direction ... and we just have to be with this stuff as best we can until it is finished ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[Co...]]

Hey Coop ... our mind has not gone anywhere ... just taking a bit of a breather while we recover ...

 

Doing some binge watching myself ... Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries ...

 

Things are calming a bit for me ... the head pressure is letting up some, and the anxiety and benzo belly stuff is letting go a little ... should be even better in a while ... we just need to give it the time it needs to do its thing ...

 

And yes, the doubt ... not much we can do about it except do our best to ignore it ... 

 

....Nova. nice to know I am not the only one binging tv mysteries. I would look for a mystery movie, but my concentration is not even following a 60 minute mystery. So I am missing all of the clues and not really following the plots...oh well it is a mindless distraction which is what I need today...

...yep, the doubt...I am finally mentally worn out from chasing all the doubts, questions and what ifs. I am landing on...."I will either heal...or not heal...be well tomorrow, or not well until a year  ( or decade ) from now....it doesn't matter....each day is the life I have for that day....in whatever form it shows up in...I can only do the best that I can do on any given day with whatever resources I have. Today that is low and slow and tv mysteries...getting the dog out was an accomplishment today ...and he will need to go out 2 more times.  Onward....coop

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... yes ... whatever shows up today ... getting through it with a little dignity and acceptance ... and a few rants and raves thrown in for a little spice ... 

[[Sk...]]

Hey Coop ... our mind has not gone anywhere ... just taking a bit of a breather while we recover ...

 

Doing some binge watching myself ... Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries ...

 

Things are calming a bit for me ... the head pressure is letting up some, and the anxiety and benzo belly stuff is letting go a little ... should be even better in a while ... we just need to give it the time it needs to do its thing ...

 

And yes, the doubt ... not much we can do about it except do our best to ignore it ... 

 

....Nova. nice to know I am not the only one binging tv mysteries. I would look for a mystery movie, but my concentration is not even following a 60 minute mystery. So I am missing all of the clues and not really following the plots...oh well it is a mindless distraction which is what I need today...

...yep, the doubt...I am finally mentally worn out from chasing all the doubts, questions and what ifs. I am landing on...."I will either heal...or not heal...be well tomorrow, or not well until a year  ( or decade ) from now....it doesn't matter....each day is the life I have for that day....in whatever form it shows up in...I can only do the best that I can do on any given day with whatever resources I have. Today that is low and slow and tv mysteries...getting the dog out was an accomplishment today ...and he will need to go out 2 more times.  Onward....coop

 

Coop, I just gave up  on watching Transformers, way too complicated for me ! 

[[Sk...]]

I do get breaks, not windows just less badness.

 

Jrod, many of us do not get windows like the ones that are often described. We just get less badness. Actually most of my windows, have been just that and I am ok with that now. But it used to scare me too and I would worry I was having a different wd.

 

Ok, I just read your signature, you were on Xanax, like me. We don't get windows, we are special !  But we do get, if I remember correctly, less physical symptoms in the long haul.

 

Hope this helps, so see ? It's not you, it's the Xanax.

[[...]]

Hey everyone:

 

Would appreciate your thoughts.

 

In a few days I'll be @ 18 months off benzos and close to

(13 months off remeron 3.75 mg from jan to may 2014 -5 months total).

 

I continue having a hard time coping with this recovery. Hard to believe it can be still this extreme. Except for the tinnitus, some back, chest & shoulder pain, the physical stuff is minimal.

 

The relentless stuff is all mental.

 

The old mental symptoms I still deal with are the following ;

 

1)Depression/hopelessness/despair , (2-3 times a week,not consecutive)not as dark and scary as 6-8 month ago but still very bad.

 

2)Raw Anxiety is much better but when it hits it hits hard.

 

3)Morning doom and gloom (anxiety)somewhat better but still here.

 

4) dizziness comes and goes.

 

5) not as much looping thoughts but still with me.

 

6) normal stresses can still debilitate me

 

7) The, this will never end thoughts

 

occasional nausea

 

9) occasional short crying spells from the above mainly the depression/hopelessness

 

 

Fairly new symtoms;

 

1) extreme fear/terror (anxiety?)

 

2) sleep somewhat starting to suffer again

 

 

I'm sure I'm not alone but all the mental stuff continues to cycle & is still so extreme with very few breaks. I do get breaks, not windows just less badness.

 

 

I'm still working ,traveling domestic and international. Most of the time on auto pilot but doing it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm pushing too much? Then there's times that I realize without the work there would be very little distraction and distraction is what has gotten me this far. I also workout (not extreme) 4-5 times a week

 

I admit there has been improvement but I'm no where near I'd thought I'd be at this time. Maybe has to do with my ct maybe some kindling maybe years of alcohol maybe not. All I know is that this is relentless and even though I'm 18 months off of benzos, 2years off of alcohol and take nothing but (2mg of vistaril)2-3 times a month, seems like I'm in for much more time in this slop.

 

I just feel stuck with little to no improvement. Also I feel like I'm one of the more extreme WD cases which creates a more sense of hopelessness.  Don't mean to be a downer but those are the facts.

 

Can anyone relate to something similar? Can this still be so difficult this far out?

 

Thk u all

 

JRod,

 

You're exactly one month behind me.  Yes, this is normal, yes, it's withdrawal, it's not you.  Sounds like you're getting hit hard with the mental symptoms, which are just as brutal as physical.  They make living a nightmare.  But it does get better.  get past that 18.5 mark, that's when things started getting a little better for me.  Month 18 packs a mean wave, mental and physical symptoms.  I remember thinking how I couldn't believe how bad it was so far out.  It was one of the hardest times for me.  I had to look for extra support, I was feeling so hopeless.  Don't lose hope.  It's not you, it's definitely withdrawal, and it passes.

 

You've gotten this far.  You're going to make it.

 

Thk u Green

 

I'm glad you got a nice break @ 18.5 & your experiencing some improvements! That's very encouraging!

Thanks again

[[Sk...]]

Sky.  Thanks for the encouragement... I would feel better about my improvements if the health anxiety was not all consuming. It's like they just filled in every inch of space left vacant by the sx that have dropped off. . 'Success' seems years away.  Drew and Beulah seem to be heading down the home stretch.  So happy for both of them

....How is the house search coming along?...What sx have improved for you?...Do you feel that some are gone?

  ..coop

 

Coop, I had  a nice day today, no work, except for some lesson planning. My anxiety had been strong and painful but it had abated. But now it's back big time.

 

Many symptoms have improved, but I can't remember them .    While I was reading your post, I noticed that some of mine were in common  but who can remember them now ? 

 

The house search is still going on, we have not found what we are looking for yet. Tomorrow we will check out some other ones and we will see.

 

Luckily I have not been thinking about it too much and it has not affected me as much as it was doing a week ago. But that might change.

 

When we moved to this house 5 years ago, mr Sky had some bad episodes of panic, hope this does not happen again now that I can't help him.

 

How ironic, I was always the one who reassured him and he was the worrier ! ;D

It is so gradual and sudden at the same time, sometimes it escapes our notice. And then, we are often relieved from one symptom

[[...]]

Jrod ... for some these can be confusing and seemingly endless ... and we are getting there ... there can be lots of doubt and discouragement around this time ... and the folks who have come before us tell us that some of us fit with this 24 month or so pattern ...

 

Many of us on this thread seem to be heading in that direction ... and we just have to be with this stuff as best we can until it is finished ...

 

Be Well ... 

 

Nova ,. Even in hard times which seem to be plaguing most of us ,there is always a sense of steady calm and wisdom for all those you support.  Thk u

[[Sk...]]

Excuse me guys, I have to tell you about something that happened to me yesterday.

 

Yesterday was really bad.

 

On top of that, I met a ghost from my past... I didn't really meet this ghost, he booked a Skype lesson with me.

 

This guy, I met him at the offline school I taught in, in the last year, 2013, before my CT. That awful sad year when I was simply floundering unwittingly in symptoms of tolerance.

 

All along, he had been trying to keep in touch with me and of course, I explained I was sick and didn't want to see anyone.

 

So, this felt really sneaky to me. But, I had the lesson all the same and tried to be as professional as possible. I was way too professional, almost cold.

 

At the end, he said he was sorry if he had annoyed me.

 

That's when I felt bad, but there was little I could do about it. He wanted to have a chat with the person he met in 2013 and I simply am not that person anymore.

 

At the end, he was telling me his mother was at the hospital because of a mild stroke, he had not been getting his salary for two months, he is obviously feeling lonely.

 

So, I felt bad about being cold or distant.

 

Anyway, it made me think.

 

I know I have changed a lot, but that conversation, made me see  how much.

 

But mostly, I just felt distant mentally. Not DR distant, just naturally distant, if you know what I mean.

 

Oh well, this is going to happen to all of us at some point.  It's only natural with all that has happened to us.

 

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

JRod..  I know you directed your comments regarding rib and chest pain to Sky, but can I high jack it for a minute?  Was it you ( I get totally tangled in previous posts and quotes) who commented about the rib/back/ chest pain. I have been having those sx since the beginNing of month 18, but mine has a dry infrequent cough with it in which I often feel like I can't talk and breathe at the same time...did you have a cough or brief loss of breath with your sx of chest/rib/ back pain?. .Some days it's a little less. If I am quiet it is better ..I also have eating discomfort with it sometimes...living on yogurt and mashed potatoes right now. I also had a couple of ekgs and a trip to the pulmonologist...I am breathing great. ...well blah blah blah...mostly my question is about accompanying cough....and how long it stayed with you. This is ramping up my health anxiety by about 1000 right now.  I have another evaluation of it on tuesday...I am do glad that this turned out okay for you...it is a scary sx.  Thanks JRod....coop

[[Co...]]

Excuse me guys, I have to tell you about something that happened to me yesterday.

 

Yesterday was really bad.

 

On top of that, I met a ghost from my past... I didn't really meet this ghost, he booked a Skype lesson with me.

 

This guy, I met him at the offline school I taught in, in the last year, 2013, before my CT. That awful sad year when I was simply floundering unwittingly in symptoms of tolerance.

 

All along, he had been trying to keep in touch with me and of course, I explained I was sick and didn't want to see anyone.

 

So, this felt really sneaky to me. But, I had the lesson all the same and tried to be as professional as possible. I was way too professional, almost cold.

 

At the end, he said he was sorry if he had annoyed me.

 

That's when I felt bad, but there was little I could do about it. He wanted to have a chat with the person he met in 2013 and I simply am not that person anymore.

 

At the end, he was telling me his mother was at the hospital because of a mild stroke, he had not been getting his salary for two months, he is obviously feeling lonely.

 

So, I felt bad about being cold or distant.

 

Anyway, it made me think.

 

I know I have changed a lot, but that conversation, made me see  how much.

 

But mostly, I just felt distant mentally. Not DR distant, just naturally distant, if you know what I mean.

 

Oh well, this is going to happen to all of us at some point.  It's only natural with all that has happened to us.

 

Sky...I think after such a long time it feels unnatural to try to resume an on line professional relationship . It would feel awkward whether you were in w/d or not. ...I think it was nothing that you should feel that you let him down in any way. To me it sounds like an awkward encounter. Hopefully he will follow your professional lead and find support for his worries from family/friends or a counselor.

...I hope you do not spend another second feeling bad about it. ....It is so important in our healing that we take care of ourselves....I know you posted previous today, but I missed the post and will go back and read it....all of sudden there were new posts all at once....rest well Sky....coop

[[...]]

JRod..  I know you directed your comments regarding rib and chest pain to Sky, but can I high jack it for a minute?  Was it you ( I get totally tangled in previous posts and quotes) who commented about the rib/back/ chest pain. I have been having those sx since the beginNing of month 18, but mine has a dry infrequent cough with it in which I often feel like I can't talk and breathe at the same time...did you have a cough or brief loss of breath with your sx of chest/rib/ back pain?. .Some days it's a little less. If I am quiet it is better ..I also have eating discomfort with it sometimes...living on yogurt and mashed potatoes right now. I also had a couple of ekgs and a trip to the pulmonologist...I am breathing great. ...well blah blah blah...mostly my question is about accompanying cough....and how long it stayed with you. This is ramping up my health anxiety by about 1000 right now.  I have another evaluation of it on tuesday...I am do glad that this turned out okay for you...it is a scary sx.  Thanks JRod....coop

 

Coop , yes I did mention chest rib back pain which I still get periodically.  It started 2008 while in tolerance. Not knowing it was the lunesta causing all the Havoc I went as far as getting a heart cath for diagnostic purposes that's after several stress tests. Of coarse all came back normal as it will for you. The cough I ended up getting back in nov 2014 which was flu/cold related. Then a month later turned into a dry cough and lasted another month or so. It was awful. I treated it with ginger and honey.

 

I have a close friend that's been off Xanax and booze for 3.5 years ended up with the flu along with a horrific cough which lasted 3 plus months. He had lower back pain from the coughing for quite some time.

Second month of persistent cough He started taking robitussin cough suppressant and took it for 2 plus months. The DMX formula in it threw him back into WD hell. He lasted close to a month in sorry shape but soon after totally recovered.

 

He definitely over did the OTC cough syrup but still scary how anything can set us back.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Thanks so much JRod....so sorry you went through a heart cath ...so glad everything was ok....I won't be taking any cough suppressant.  If we can do this we can do anything. 

    Hold on JR...you are so very close.  Love to see you here, though I wish your month 18 was going much better.  coop