12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Beulah.  Thank you so much. My afternoon is feeling a little better...a little more clarity...a little less anxiety. One thing that is hanging on me is that my physician's office called me to come in next Tues for a followup x-ray as they have r/o kidney infection. I am still coughing and can't speak without losing my breath ( worse sometimes than at others). ...My back and chest hurt....I know it's probably all w/d , but I am not comfortable not doing the follow-up...however I won't be accepting any more medication without lab or scan justification....My daughter and ex came over for awhile this afternoon....just for a little while....I love my daughter to the moon and back and really like my ex ,but I was nothing but anxious , dissociated and cog fogged while they were here. It all seemed way too much....like you and your visitors, I just couldn't wait for them to leave so I could get to my safe zone...my bed.. I have been there all afternoon ... but things are getting better....I need a breather because next month all my breast cancer yearly assessments are coming up...oddly these don't really scare me. I guess because I got that scary news 4 years ago and totally got through it....it's not an unknown ...however a bad scan would mess me up ..I just don't think that is going to happen.  Completely rational on that one....no, it's the improbable ones that seem real to me....crazy ...Anyway I am not as crazed.  Might be an entire weekend of low and slow for me. 

....What would I ever do without my friends here... Wishing everyone a very good weekend....coop

 

Yes Coop, please go for your follow up x ray. It's always best to get things checked out when it comes to breathing and coughing. I layed around here like a sick puppy for days when I had bronchitis thinking it would just go away. My back and ribs hurt so bad from all the coughing...it was scary not being able to breathe properly.

This could all be withdrawal..or not..could have been started by allergies..like mine...a lot of people have been sick with it this year.

 

I hear you about the company coming over..it's exhausting to say the least...sometimes my husband is more than I can handle..he likes to talk and many days I just can't talk back.

 

Wishing this was over for all of us.

[[be...]]

Hi all...today I had my first true break from the wave that started on Memorial Day.  Woke up with no surge, no headache or head pressure, and had an effortless mind day. No anxiety or panic. Got out and hiked four miles and did an extra hill.  I'll always be amazed how I can go from being in terror nonstop to being able to hike four miles no problem on the flip of a switch

 

Didn't read  too far back but I hope everyone gets out of this wave soon and this break of mine lasts more than a day or two.  Not great but way better. 

 

Such wonderful news.   It's always a relief to come out of the nasty waves.

 

Enjoy your weekend!! Keeping my fingers crossed for wide open windows.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... oops ... that should have read 1000 feet ... my goof ... metres would make it 3000 feet or so ... metre is 39 inches ...

 

And yes, dealing with outside stuff is really problematic right now, and has been for a long time ... I stay within my comfort zone ... guard it religiously ...

 

And I too spend a lot of time in my head ... pretty safe there ... unless the intrusives decide to stop by for a while ... they don't seem to be much interested in me lately ...

 

I am experiencing this as going very slow right now, like your glacier, and I am holding out for the next three or four months ... like a fever, this stuff has to break at some point ... and it will ... it always does ... we are in the last quarter ... so, we let the days pass and hang on ...

 

 

Nova, I looked it up, 3200 feet.  But from sea level, where I am, literally and figuratively, 1000' is Everest, and I'm lovin' it.  Three, four months, it has to break. 

 

And the comfort zone, guarding it religiously, absolutely.  I have a quiet resolve about me, about protecting and taking care of myself.  And finally understanding "no" is a complete sentence.  I'm hunkered down, I'm waiting this out, not willing to let anything or anyone disturb my fragile no fly zone.  Unless, of course, withdrawal itself turns the volume up.  Then I'll deal with it.

 

So here's to the Summer of Waiting for Glaciers to Move.

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Thanks Beulah. Your reply is so affirming...so reassuring to know you felt the same way....and you didn't die ...lol...

....I know my healing will get back on track after this breathing thing resolves....thanks so much Beulah....Wishing you a very good weekend.....coop

[[Gr...]]

Beulah ... the list expands ... haven't had the electrocutions in a while ... can't say as I miss them ...

 

Low and slow ... yep ... pizza tonight ... it's Friday ... 

 

I haven't had the electrocutions in a while either. It's been so hot here..the 90's..I was craving iced tea..haven't had any for two yrs....so tired of plain water. I made the decaf tea with some sugar and I think that's why I'm in the electric chair...plus I might have had a few bites of ice cream.

 

Yep..Fri. night..pizza time. 

 

Beulah, you're living dangerously these days.

[[Co...]]

"Waiting for glaciers to move"....spot on!. 

. ..Sounds like some of us are hunkered down in our well protected bunkers....protecting our shredded sanity and the hard won ever changing healing..  I am watching a hilarious fluff movie with Meryl Streep ( who I love) and Alec Baldwin ( who I am not as crazy about, but he's good in this movie)  'It's Complicted'....also Steve Martin who I really love. 

... .Here's to safe places and supportive friends....coop

[[Gr...]]

Sounds like we are all busy here on the thread, having heart attacks and what not. 

 

I have had  a small break. Even though, yesterday in the car, the sun was so strong, the heat got to me, and mr Sky's voice sounded so far away in the distance, it felt like there was  fog all around me while he was talking. That's how the heat affected my brain yesterday, I just felt more and more distant, and this was a good day !

Today,surprise, another non vibration day. But the anxiety was so bad, it hurt physically. At this point, it's hard to telll what is worse. Anyway, suddenly it lifted. Wd is changing game again ?

 

Yesterday we went on a tour of houses and I had to repeat to mr Sky at least 30 times during the day, that there were some things I could not do, because I am intellectually challenged. And he knows how sick I am, he knows it very well.

 

So if he can forget, or not realise how much a Brain injury actually entails, what are we to expect from normal people ?

 

I don't think we realize how much the brain actually does.

 

Anyway that feeling of fog around the head, was scary. I could  function less than usual, not to mention how unpleasant it was.

 

In the evening, I had a mild sunstroke and I had to take an aspirin, which took the pain away from my head but made my heartbeat irregular.

 

Listen to me, what a whiner  ! 

 

I am so tired now, I am going to bed.

 

Everybody, hang in there and keep up the healing. 

 

Sky, buying and selling houses is very, very stressful under the best of circumstances.  which these are not. 

 

The amount of DP/DR we get can feel like a brain injury.  I was reading Baylissa again last night, she's my goto for reassurance these days, and her brain fog was seriously dense this far out. Which is reassuring, because after her last bad wave in M 23, she healed, that was it, it was over, and everything came back, meaning her mental clarity, memories.  Some sx  lingered for awhile, but she declared success when the DP/DR and brain fog left. 

 

In the U.S., buying and selling can take many weeks, sometimes 2-3 months after a buyer/seller is found.  Does it move any faster in Italy?  You may well be healed by the time you get into this new house.

[[Gr...]]

Drew,....what great news....doing a happy dance for you dear friend!... You sound very good....An Effortless MIND.  So so good...I know you are turning the corner...Thanks for posting this happy and encouraging update.  Onward to a great weekend...  coop

 

4 miles, Drew!

[[Gr...]]

"Waiting for glaciers to move"....spot on!. 

. ..Sounds like some of us are hunkered down in our well protected bunkers....protecting our shredded sanity and the hard won ever changing healing..  I am watching a hilarious fluff movie with Meryl Streep ( who I love) and Alec Baldwin ( who I am not as crazy about, but he's good in this movie)  'It's Complicted'....also Steve Martin who I really love. 

... .Here's to safe places and supportive friends....coop

 

Coop, that sounds like a very good movie, I like all of those actors.  I'm watching Homicide, the series.

 

The medical.  Don't project into next month.  Deal with this month.  How do they rule out kidney infection?  Before withdrawal, I had a 24 hour pee bucket that I had to drag around with me and then deliver to the lab. I have no idea what they were ruling out.

Your culture is clean.  I wonder why they want to rule out the kidney?  Maybe they don't know what happened to the bacteria you initially had, it disappeared, like a benzo withdrawal magic disappearing act?

 

I think we've all had extra problems with UTIs.  I had dozens of them over the benzo years.  One of the gals on the forum said it had something to do with benzos relaxing the bladder muscles so that all the urine doesn't get squeezed out, hence, an infection. 

 

But people seem to have problems in withdrawal, too.  So whatever the cause, it's somehow related to this wretched drug and the almost impossible task of getting off it.

 

As you said, Coop, we feel bad, but we feel better.  The paradox of healing from benzos.  This has to break soon.

[[Co...]]

Green, ..it is such a cute feel good funny movie. 

..I think they want me back because they have r/o the kidney infection because the culture came back ok.  So now we are back to the original problem.  Cough with painful chrst/back and loss of breath....I am sure it's all fine .  But I wish it would go away.

......Enjoy the Homicide...I used to watch Criminal Minds until  I had seen almost every single one of them.  Year one..

...Hope you get some sleep before dawn tonight.  coop

[[mr...]]

Hi Mrs ... how are you keeping? ....

 

Been an up and down week for me ... nothing out of the ordinary ...

 

Another week in paradise ... 

 

Hiya Nova,

 

I am keeping well. Things are not always "easy", but the healing continues despite ~ praising God for that! Its been a bit "soupy" the past week or so, but I'm just looking forward to it receding and leaving lots of healing in its wake.

 

Hope you're feeling lots of healing & getting better Its nice of you to reach out to me

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... 4 AM here again ... had a bumpy time settling down last night ... and then got some good sleep ...

 

Remembered a dream fragment ... "this is about coherence ... not meaning" ... hmmm ... in a room with folks ... sitting in the round ... like some kind of support meeting ... and some one said that ... I felt quite comfortable hearing that ...

 

I substituted "healing" for "coherence" in my head ... and felt I should be wary of overthinking this stuff ... hmmm ...

 

It is a rainy morning here ... should clear out this afternoon ... going down to the veggie market this morning ... then back to my comfort zone ...

 

Saturday is here, another day in the books ... hope we all have a quiet weekend ... 

 

 

[[No...]]

Drew ... good news ... hope this stays around for you a good long while ... keep truckin' ... 

[[No...]]

Mrs ... yes ... those "soupy" days ... you are sounding as resilient as ever ... good to hear from you ... 

[[No...]]

Green ... "no" is a complete sentence ... subject and predicate with several adverbs thrown in ... 

[[Co...]]

Mrs.  Wow.. nice to see you...yes, you do sound so resilient and positive as always....We miss you here.  .but understand that you are out there in the world living your life...Love it when you drop by.  .Encourages us to keep the faith in healing...love to you friend.....coop

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... 4 AM here again ... had a bumpy time settling down last night ... and then got some good sleep ...

 

Remembered a dream fragment ... "this is about coherence ... not meaning" ... hmmm ... in a room with folks ... sitting in the round ... like some kind of support meeting ... and some one said that ... I felt quite comfortable hearing that ...

 

I substituted "healing" for "coherence" in my head ... and felt I should be wary of overthinking this stuff ... hmmm ...

 

 

It is a rainy morning here ... should clear out this afternoon ... going down to the veggie market this morning ... then back to my comfort zone ...

 

Saturday is here, another day in the books ... hope we all have a quiet weekend ... 

 

Hey Nova, the roundtable meeting sounds interesting...just like our withdrawal..support meetings for the broken..healing in fragments.

 

Enjoy your day of veggie shopping. Watch out for that silly rabbit..he loves carrots.

 

[[Co...]]

Nova, .  Sounds like my plan for the day too....go for a walk with the dog.. .putter around my place, rearrange my literal and metaphoric safe zone and try to zen through another day of healing....missing a movie date to see Jurassic World with my grandsons.....not enough zen in the world ....but will see them after the movie at my place for hoagies and ice cream...

....hope I can get my zen on straight...

...I slept good but woke up to mild nausea and some dread.  Why is this a repeat of acute?...Oh well, it doesn't matter.. it just is. .so moving on to find my old zen t-shirt...and to our has the Full Catastrophic Living.  I have been reading some random short articles about ' going into ' your fears instead of avoiding them or fighting them off in your thought. Such as.. if you are afraid  of having a public panic....envisioning that possibility and envisioning the worst that could happen in that situation.  You might pass out ( unlikely, but that is the fear).  and from there.. what is the worst that would happen if you passed out ....embarrassment.  and what is the worst that would come of public embarrassment. . people would talk about it ....and what is the worst of people talking about it.  On and on until you follow the entire fear to the conclusion..  most of what we fear does not happen. ..and those that do ultimately are manageable.  Interesting. Tricky with health fear, but that's what the book is for. 

.    Wishing everyone a better day..  Drew.  hoping your window stays wide open.  coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah.. yep.. "healing in fragments".  Sending you thoughts for a goid day with some lavender tea and peace out time on your patio.  coop

[[mr...]]

Mrs.  Wow.. nice to see you...yes, you do sound so resilient and positive as always....We miss you here.  .but understand that you are out there in the world living your life...Love it when you drop by.  .Encourages us to keep the faith in healing...love to you friend.....coop

 

Coop: 

 

I miss everyone too Ideally, I would spend time here, time at work, time waitressing, time with my hubby, time with friends, time cleaning & cooking, time exercising, time sleeping, etc etc. But, as Mr always says haha, there are only 24 hours each day, so we must prioritize our time & spend it wisely! So also while trying to be sure that I'm resting between all the "priorities" of the day, this means I need to cut time elsewhere  So while I don't post much, I still try & read often ~ and throw in some "2 cent" comments here 'n there whilst I'm at it

 

Oh, and PS: Today marks 7 months free! Yippee!!

 

Praise GOD for 7 blessed months of freedom!!!

 

Mrs.

[[be...]]

Nova, .  Sounds like my plan for the day too....go for a walk with the dog.. .putter around my place, rearrange my literal and metaphoric safe zone and try to zen through another day of healing....missing a movie date to see Jurassic World with my grandsons.....not enough zen in the world ....but will see them after the movie at my place for hoagies and ice cream...

....hope I can get my zen on straight...

...I slept good but woke up to mild nausea and some dread.  Why is this a repeat of acute?...Oh well, it doesn't matter.. it just is. .so moving on to find my old zen t-shirt...and to our has the Full Catastrophic Living.  I have been reading some random short articles about ' going into ' your fears instead of avoiding them or fighting them off in your thought. Such as.. if you are afraid  of having a public panic....envisioning that possibility and envisioning the worst that could happen in that situation.  You might pass out ( unlikely, but that is the fear).  and from there.. what is the worst that would happen if you passed out ....embarrassment.  and what is the worst that would come of public embarrassment. . people would talk about it ....and what is the worst of people talking about it.  On and on until you follow the entire fear to the conclusion..  most of what we fear does not happen. ..and those that do ultimately are manageable.  Interesting. Tricky with health fear, but that's what the book is for. 

.    Wishing everyone a better day..  Drew.  hoping your window stays wide open.  coop

 

Hey Coop, I read a book in my first withdrawal similar to what you are describing.

Panic and fear- Talk it down. What is the worst thing that could happen if you were having a panic attack?  I use to start hyperventilating with a fast heartbeat and pass out...the heartbeat and breathing return to normal after passing out..so really nothing to fear....but fear itself.

 

One time I was driving on a crowded freeway and had a panic attack..I pulled off the road turned the car off and passed out. I awoke with no panic and continued driving. This was in my first withdrawal , I suffered horribly with panic attacks.

All of this went on for a couple of years and just went away..I was then able to drive anywhere at anytime.

 

What if this or that happens? Talk it down!!

[[it...]]

Hello world.

[[No...]]

Hello Itsmylife84 ... how are you doing? ...

[[Co...]]

Green!...you actually passed out?...and you learned not to fear it?!....You need to write a book of your own . I am passing my zen t-shirt on to you..  I am so glad that you got over them...didn't they give you health fear?.  I want your super powers.. How are you doing today.  Is your breather holding up?

....sending you wishes for a really good day...hope you get some time out of the bunker....coop

[[Se...]]

Hi.    I am a little more than 11 months off.  Maybe too early to be here, but I sure feel as if I've been at this for a very long time and am wanting to just "be" somewhere where I can chat with others who are around same time frame; maybe get and offer some support.

 

Thanks.

 

Peace & good healing to all,

Serenity