12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Coop ... wow ... three heart attacks ... four pregnancies ... a stroke ... not bad for a bunch of old folks ... 

 

This is certainly crazy stuff ... last Tuesday I was out and climbing a thousand metre hill and not even breathing hard ... today I am pinging off the walls ...

 

Making a loaf of bread ... kneading it to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" ...

 

Our brains and more importantly, I believe, our souls are tired ... and we keep turning over the stones looking for a bit more resilience ... and ... it is there ... we have piled on the months ... and it won't be long now ...

 

Hope you get a break today ... 

[[Co...]]

Row row that bread Nova....yep tired souls.  Nothing to do but do the best we can with whatever shows up in the day..  .

....hope your bread turns out great.....Your rambling days will return and my health fears will eventually burn away...I keep going back to what Beulah said....this is not our healed life...this is our healing life. ...carry on dear friend....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep, this is our healing life ... and on my better days I am thankful for it ... we have gotten out from under the drug ... and we are recovering ...

 

The bread turned out "normal" ... even though I am in the pits, I can turn out a normal loaf of bread ... strange ...

 

Watching the workman go through the tress on this property pruning and clearing out the dead stuff ... utterly fascinating for this tired brain ... don't like the sound of the chipper though ... like a little kid watching the grownups do their thing ...

 

I think they call this distraction ...

 

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... almost 4 AM here ... slept for about 7 hours ... woke up feeling loopy again ... yesterday almost made it to miserable ... will see how today goes ...

 

My attention span or focus seems to be out of whack again ... has been for a couple of days ... seem to be running on auto-pilot ... at least I think there is a pilot there somewhere ... not very conversational, this pilot ...

 

Another day in the books ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet day ... 

 

Nova, that's where I'm at, what you said there.  I think that's the DP/DR/spacey thing.  We're definitely healing, just no way to know when.  Are you walking?

[[Gr...]]

12-18 buddies,

 

This is a Very disturbing news article... Read it if you get a chance.  Not sure if this well open for you.

You can find the original link in Benzo in The News section. 40 million prescriptions paid by Medicare alone. How many are there if you count everyone?

 

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/one-nation-under-sedation-medicare-paid-for-nearly-40-million-tranquilizer-prescriptions-in-2013/ar-BBkVitu?ocid=ansnewsNYDailyNews11#page=1

 

Korbe, I did read it.  That's the word, disturbing.

 

You've got some handful of symptoms.  I'm not sleeping either, at least not until the sun comes up.  As long as we can catch some sleep, whenever, wherever.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Well...I am somewhere between acute and better. Cycling in and out of those 2 states all day. From panic to ok at least 4 times a day....Sleep is poor again ( about 5 hours and wake up with the yuk)  If I had a shred of faith in any medication I would trule consider an adjunct medication, but after this misery I am scared to even think about it. It seems that they all come with w/d consequences....so no way out but through...I am just so tired of not having much 'normal' in my life yet ....Health fear remains my most prominent sx...The antibiotic left me with upper gastric pain and I am constantly thinking I am having a heart attack.  I know that I am not but that doesn't help me out much. .Onward....Wishing everyone some sunbreaks and a better day today.  coop

 

Coop, sorry, I didn't follow.  Did you finish the course of the antibiotic?  Or stop when you got a clean culture?

 

You mentioned genetic testing for medication sensitivity?  What is that?

[[Gr...]]

Nova.. it stinks...I am right there with you today.  I have had 3 heart attacks since yesterday and a stroke is in process.. Like you. I am clinging to whatever parts of my routine I can manage and trying to 'lean into' the fear...and grasp for the flimsy rag tag bits of my elusive rational mind. Trying to find that space where I can detach and just let it flow over me. In acute I was able to do that better...I just took it for granted that every awful thing was w/d abd I would get over it and feel back to normal in 6 months ( ha!)...lamb to the slaughter...

  ..For this day I am trying to pretend that I don't have these sx.. denial ? coping? ...who knows my brain is broken from thinking about w/d 24/7.... so trying to think of other things...or not think at all....that seems to be the best..

....You are not alone today Nova...I am in the row boat with you...I truly hope this day gets better for both of us.  Love to you...coop

 

Coop, I'm so sorry, this sounds like a wave.

 

The DP/DR, and fog, I think I have it quite a bit.  The anxiety is low key at the moment.  I do have bad internal vibrations during the sleepless night in bed.  Sleep is really bad.  At 7 a.m. I was going to give up and get out of bed, and then stubbornly stayed in bed.  fell asleep around 8, I guess, until 12.  So I'm getting the same 4-5 you are.  And Korbe is sleeping during the day. 

What I'm really doing is isolating, withdrawing to a quiet place, living very much in my head, soothing myself.  Whatever I have going on, the world and dealing with people, or anything, is way too stressful. 

 

Yes, not doing much, whatever I can.  Don't fight it, Coop, lay down and play dead! 

 

I read the last chapters of Baylissa's book last night.  I guess I needed a little reassurance, even though I'm playing dead.  In her 23rd month she had a terrible wave, and it was her last, it was over.  She talked about the second year and how bad it was for her, and how it ended so abruptly.

 

Nova, I just read, you're not walking today.  But we will walk again!  The fact that you were able to get out there with that kind of stamina, a couple of hours, gave me so much hope, that our strong, healthy selves are still in there, and we'll be back.

 

So my big symptoms, major sleep issues, and medium to heavy DP/DR, spacey.

 

We're getting there, a fraction of an inch at a time.  Like watching a glacier move.

[[Gr...]]

Coop ... wow ... three heart attacks ... four pregnancies ... a stroke ... not bad for a bunch of old folks ... 

 

This is certainly crazy stuff ... last Tuesday I was out and climbing a thousand metre hill and not even breathing hard ... today I am pinging off the walls ...

 

Making a loaf of bread ... kneading it to "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" ...

 

Our brains and more importantly, I believe, our souls are tired ... and we keep turning over the stones looking for a bit more resilience ... and ... it is there ... we have piled on the months ... and it won't be long now ...

 

Hope you get a break today ... 

 

Nova, how many feet is 1000 meters?  Wow.  Elevation.  Oh, you're coming back, definitely coming back.

[[No...]]

Green ... oops ... that should have read 1000 feet ... my goof ... metres would make it 3000 feet or so ... metre is 39 inches ...

 

And yes, dealing with outside stuff is really problematic right now, and has been for a long time ... I stay within my comfort zone ... guard it religiously ...

 

And I too spend a lot of time in my head ... pretty safe there ... unless the intrusives decide to stop by for a while ... they don't seem to be much interested in me lately ...

 

I am experiencing this as going very slow right now, like your glacier, and I am holding out for the next three or four months ... like a fever, this stuff has to break at some point ... and it will ... it always does ... we are in the last quarter ... so, we let the days pass and hang on ...

 

[[be...]]

Coop and Nova..heart attacks, strokes, and pregnancies...lol..been there...let's throw another in for good measure..electrocution is on my list today..shock waves going through me like lightning.

 

We are a hot mess..but we're in the mess together, and we will get through this..we always do.

 

Keeping it low and slow.     Keep healing!!!!

[[mr...]]

Coop,

 

I was on Cipro for a long time for a protate infection when I was 18. When I first started taking it, I was hallucinating so I quit. I went back in it after a few weeks, but by that time the infection was bad. I still have to deal with that pain It didn't dawn in me that the Cipro could cause problems like that until I read about it here. I think taking it is what started my affliction with IBS. I would avoid it if you can. Hope you start feeling better soon!

 

......Sig....sorry that happened to you...it is a wicked superbug antibiotic. Supposedly it is reserved for only very serious infections. ...I refused it and ended up in an argument with the ARNP...but I wasn't about to take it. I took another antibiotic, but stopped it today when my culture results came back normal....I hope your IBS clears up as you heal....coop

 

Coop ~ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!  Were you all like, "JUSTICE!!!!"?!?!

 

Love to you,

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Beulah ... the list expands ... haven't had the electrocutions in a while ... can't say as I miss them ...

 

Low and slow ... yep ... pizza tonight ... it's Friday ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Mrs ... how are you keeping? ....

 

Been an up and down week for me ... nothing out of the ordinary ...

 

Another week in paradise ... 

[[be...]]

Beulah ... the list expands ... haven't had the electrocutions in a while ... can't say as I miss them ...

 

Low and slow ... yep ... pizza tonight ... it's Friday ... 

 

I haven't had the electrocutions in a while either. It's been so hot here..the 90's..I was craving iced tea..haven't had any for two yrs....so tired of plain water. I made the decaf tea with some sugar and I think that's why I'm in the electric chair...plus I might have had a few bites of ice cream.

 

Yep..Fri. night..pizza time. 

 

[[Co...]]

Green..."playing dead" ...and moving at "glacial speed of a fraction of an inch at a time"....yep.  that says it all....I am isolating too.  Like Nova says...."guarding my safety zone religiously".  ..  Yes, I definitely think this is a wave.  A tough one that feels like I am drowning in.....I hope we all follow in Baylissa's pattern.  Really hoping for all of us that this is the last of the really tough times. 

....Green, yes I stopped the antibiotic the moment my culture came back ok.   

........I am right in the boat with both of you.  Let's row out of this .  Such great boat partners.  I love you both.  coop

 

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  Yep...hot messes...that's us today.  Low and slow.  I couldn't do it any other way today. 

  I can't imagine the feeling of electrical shocks.  I just want this to end for all of us.  ...love to you Beulah.....coop

[[Sk...]]

Sounds like we are all busy here on the thread, having heart attacks and what not. 

 

I have had  a small break. Even though, yesterday in the car, the sun was so strong, the heat got to me, and mr Sky's voice sounded so far away in the distance, it felt like there was  fog all around me while he was talking. That's how the heat affected my brain yesterday, I just felt more and more distant, and this was a good day !

Today,surprise, another non vibration day. But the anxiety was so bad, it hurt physically. At this point, it's hard to telll what is worse. Anyway, suddenly it lifted. Wd is changing game again ?

 

Yesterday we went on a tour of houses and I had to repeat to mr Sky at least 30 times during the day, that there were some things I could not do, because I am intellectually challenged. And he knows how sick I am, he knows it very well.

 

So if he can forget, or not realise how much a Brain injury actually entails, what are we to expect from normal people ?

 

I don't think we realize how much the brain actually does.

 

Anyway that feeling of fog around the head, was scary. I could  function less than usual, not to mention how unpleasant it was.

 

In the evening, I had a mild sunstroke and I had to take an aspirin, which took the pain away from my head but made my heartbeat irregular.

 

Listen to me, what a whiner  ! 

 

I am so tired now, I am going to bed.

 

Everybody, hang in there and keep up the healing. 

[[Co...]]

Mrs.. wow...so nice to 2nd you here. . ..How are you doing? ..Miss you here, but hope you are on to life in the real world...love to you....coop

[[Co...]]

Sounds like we are all busy here on the thread, having heart attacks and what not. 

 

I have had  a small break. Even though, yesterday in the car, the sun was so strong, the heat got to me, and mr Sky's voice sounded so far away in the distance, it felt like there was  fog all around me while he was talking. That's how the heat affected my brain yesterday, I just felt more and more distant, and this was a good day !

Today,surprise, another non vibration day. But the anxiety was so bad, it hurt physically. At this point, it's hard to telll what is worse. Anyway, suddenly it lifted. Wd is changing game again ?

 

Yesterday we went on a tour of houses and I had to repeat to mr Sky at least 30 times during the day, that there were some things I could not do, because I am intellectually challenged. And he knows how sick I am, he knows it very well.

 

So if he can forget, or not realise how much a Brain injury actually entails, what are we to expect from normal people ?

 

I don't think we realize how much the brain actually does.

 

Anyway that feeling of fog around the head, was scary. I could  function less than usual, not to mention how unpleasant it was.

 

In the evening, I had a mild sunstroke and I had to take an aspirin, which took the pain away from my head but made my heartbeat irregular.

 

Listen to me, what a whiner  ! 

 

I am so tired now, I am going to bed.

 

Everybody, hang in there and keep up the healing. 

 

 

....Sky.  Are you seeing houses that you like?  ..So glad to hear that you got a break from the vibrations....Anxiety.. such a terrible feeling. I definitely feel that benzo made mine so much worse...I never had anxiety like this before.. I didn't look at this as a brain injury....until this last wave...now I certainly do.. .I wonder if I will ever be normal again

.    You are not whining....this is so difficult.  .and never ending. You are so determined to do all that you can do on any given day.. .to me that is bravery..  rest well Sky...hope you get more breaks every day....coop

[[be...]]

Sounds like we are all busy here on the thread, having heart attacks and what not. 

 

I have had  a small break. Even though, yesterday in the car, the sun was so strong, the heat got to me, and mr Sky's voice sounded so far away in the distance, it felt like there was  fog all around me while he was talking. That's how the heat affected my brain yesterday, I just felt more and more distant, and this was a good day !

Today,surprise, another non vibration day. But the anxiety was so bad, it hurt physically. At this point, it's hard to telll what is worse. Anyway, suddenly it lifted. Wd is changing game again ?

 

Yesterday we went on a tour of houses and I had to repeat to mr Sky at least 30 times during the day, that there were some things I could not do, because I am intellectually challenged. And he knows how sick I am, he knows it very well.

 

So if he can forget, or not realise how much a Brain injury actually entails, what are we to expect from normal people ?

 

I don't think we realize how much the brain actually does.

 

Anyway that feeling of fog around the head, was scary. I could  function less than usual, not to mention how unpleasant it was.

 

In the evening, I had a mild sunstroke and I had to take an aspirin, which took the pain away from my head but made my heartbeat irregular.

 

Listen to me, what a whiner  ! 

 

I am so tired now, I am going to bed.

 

Everybody, hang in there and keep up the healing. 

 

You wrote..Listen to me, what a whiner!  First of all..what's wrong with whining when we have suffered for many many months?

You are not whining..you are letting us know what suffering you have in your life..that's what we do here...we support the suffering...nobody else is going to..because they don't get it.

 

You've had a hard day in the heat...go rest and sip some cold water. Hugs.

[[be...]]

Beulah.  Yep...hot messes...that's us today.  Low and slow.  I couldn't do it any other way today. 

  I can't imagine the feeling of electrical shocks.  I just want this to end for all of us.  ...love to you Beulah.....coop

 

Coop, it will end!!!!!  I know you feel as of now that you might have permanent damage..but you don't..none of us do...it's just the withdrawal making us feel that way.

Remember when you were having the good windows how it felt to feel normal..you will get there again.

All of this stuff is so up and down.

Don't let that fear rule your thoughts of all things dark...you know better....it's the beast.

 

I've also let the beast control my thoughts lately(" this is my second withdrawal..I'm kindled..it will take me many years to heal..if I heal".) Then a few hours later ..the rational part of my brain says..it ain't so.

I don't trust the ugly things that are thrown at me..only good.

 

You will heal..I promise!!!!! 

[[Co...]]

Sky...for me whining is an effective coping strategy...whatever it takes to get through the day. Come to thread and whine away.  We all understand the great need to whine....coop

[[dr...]]

Hi all...today I had my first true break from the wave that started on Memorial Day.  Woke up with no surge, no headache or head pressure, and had an effortless mind day. No anxiety or panic. Got out and hiked four miles and did an extra hill.  I'll always be amazed how I can go from being in terror nonstop to being able to hike four miles no problem on the flip of a switch

 

Didn't read  too far back but I hope everyone gets out of this wave soon and this break of mine lasts more than a day or two.  Not great but way better. 

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  Thank you so much. My afternoon is feeling a little better...a little more clarity...a little less anxiety. One thing that is hanging on me is that my physician's office called me to come in next Tues for a followup x-ray as they have r/o kidney infection. I am still coughing and can't speak without losing my breath ( worse sometimes than at others). ...My back and chest hurt....I know it's probably all w/d , but I am not comfortable not doing the follow-up...however I won't be accepting any more medication without lab or scan justification....My daughter and ex came over for awhile this afternoon....just for a little while....I love my daughter to the moon and back and really like my ex ,but I was nothing but anxious , dissociated and cog fogged while they were here. It all seemed way too much....like you and your visitors, I just couldn't wait for them to leave so I could get to my safe zone...my bed.. I have been there all afternoon ... but things are getting better....I need a breather because next month all my breast cancer yearly assessments are coming up...oddly these don't really scare me. I guess because I got that scary news 4 years ago and totally got through it....it's not an unknown ...however a bad scan would mess me up ..I just don't think that is going to happen.  Completely rational on that one....no, it's the improbable ones that seem real to me....crazy ...Anyway I am not as crazed.  Might be an entire weekend of low and slow for me. 

....What would I ever do without my friends here... Wishing everyone a very good weekend....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew,....what great news....doing a happy dance for you dear friend!... You sound very good....An Effortless MIND.  So so good...I know you are turning the corner...Thanks for posting this happy and encouraging update.  Onward to a great weekend...  coop