12-18 month support

[[...]]

Morning,

 

Well Im 14 months off today!!!  Have the day off today and its a lovely warm sunny one. Im hopefully just going to potter in the garden if this fatigue and muscle stiffness will let me. I had such a better day yesterday, last night I felt 'normal' and made the mistake of thinkkng of everything I could do today,  big mistake.  Of course I had crammed a whole summers worth of stuff (in my flawed thinking and pretend healed brain).  Now of course it is a matter of OMG,  I can barely climb the stairs. I think the best way to approach this is the Nova way; go low and slow for now. 

 

Has anyone else lost that ability to do things one at a time and have this crazy sense of urgency that you have to do everything at once? Its hard to explain as I never act on it,  it would be physically impossible.  Its weird

 

My beautiful daughter asked me last night if I would like to go for a walk today,  so I am definately doing that.

Note to self: Accept the things you cant do today and ignore your benzo brain.

 

Blessings and healing to all 

[[...]]

Marj.  Glad to hear that your day is a little better today.. you sound like are on level ground for this day. Finding those moments of calm will give you a some reserve ...You won't go crazy, although w/d is a crazy process . All of the success stories say over and over, " it all goes away".  .all the anxiety, depression, health fears, benzo bellies, obssessive intrusive thoughts, body pains, head pains, agoraphobia etc etc....they all say it all goes away....I am hanging on to that.  ...as Nova said.  "May we all heal"..  coop

 

Thanks coop,  yesterday was better and yes I truly believe we will get better, infact we are,  every day.  I read lost dogs success story -  brilliant and reassuring.  Keep going,  you are very resilient and will come through this triumphant 

[[No...]]

Hi Peace ... good to hear your school year is winding down ... hope you get the rest you need to get past your fatigue ... it will pass, just like all the other stuff that has come your way ...

 

[[No...]]

Marj ... it is hard to get into the place where it is all right to do one thing at a time ... and to let the other stuff go for a while ... took me a long time to get past the "urgency" stuff ... the one at a time process helps me to stay untangled ... and every time I speed up I just have to slow down anyway ... might as well go slow in the first place ...

 

Enjoy your walk ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... how fast I forget ... had a good sleep ... and woke up to a full course of stuff ... and the anxiety revving at max ...

 

Crazy stuff ... thought I was going to collapse ... and of course I am not ... but the beast gave me a good shaking this morning ... went out for a walk to the grocery store with the lyrics from "Joyful, Joyful" flowing through my head ... thought I was going nuts ... so just smiled and kept toddling along ... what else is there to do? ...

 

So ... hanging out with my benzo belly and the anxiety and the zaps and zots of nerve stuff and muscle spasms ... and remembering Tuesday's good long walk  ...

 

Another day in paradise ... 

[[Fi...]]

marj--

 

The kiss of the sun for pardon

The song of the birds for mirth

One is nearer God's heart in a garden

Than anywhere else on earth

[[be...]]

Morning all,

Nothing planned for today..gonna play everything by ear.

I'm having a Nova day..low and slow.

 

Keep on the healing side.

 

 

[[be...]]

Morning,

 

Well Im 14 months off today!!!  Have the day off today and its a lovely warm sunny one. Im hopefully just going to potter in the garden if this fatigue and muscle stiffness will let me. I had such a better day yesterday, last night I felt 'normal' and made the mistake of thinkkng of everything I could do today,  big mistake.  Of course I had crammed a whole summers worth of stuff (in my flawed thinking and pretend healed brain).  Now of course it is a matter of OMG,  I can barely climb the stairs. I think the best way to approach this is the Nova way; go low and slow for now. 

 

Has anyone else lost that ability to do things one at a time and have this crazy sense of urgency that you have to do everything at once? Its hard to explain as I never act on it,  it would be physically impossible.  Its weird

 

My beautiful daughter asked me last night if I would like to go for a walk today,  so I am definately doing that.

Note to self: Accept the things you cant do today and ignore your benzo brain.

 

Blessings and healing to all 

 

Marj, 14 months off.

 

Many late evenings I feel somewhat normal and think of all I'm going to try to do the next day..come morning it all seems to be to much for me...the cortisol is high.

Since many mornings are still a challenge for me I look forward to evenings when my symptoms are lower. I still love to walk in the early morning hours but it feels more beneficial to me in the evening.

I love sitting sitting outside on the patio in the evening..sipping lavender tea while smelling my planted lavender.

 

Just seems to me the brain functions better in the pm. Enjoy your day !!

[[be...]]

marj--

 

The kiss of the sun for pardon

The song of the birds for mirth

One is nearer God's heart in a garden

Than anywhere else on earth

 

Love that!!

[[...]]

marj--

 

The kiss of the sun for pardon

The song of the birds for mirth

One is nearer God's heart in a garden

Than anywhere else on earth

 

Thank you FJ. Thats beautiful 

[[Fi...]]

Beulah & Marj--   I'm heading out there right now.  We have that poem on a little plaque nailed to the garden gate.  Being outside in the morning light is supposed to be particularly healing and good for speeding up metabolism.

[[ON...]]

Hey everybody! Can it really be this bad at 16.5 off? I'm in acute, I feel like I'm dying everyday. I was functional last year. Am I alone? Does it get better?

[[Fi...]]

Oneday--I was like you, very bad at 16.5 months and kind of in disbelief that I was the same person who'd actually been doing so much better at 11 months.  But now, at 21 months, I'm feeling great.  So there you go!  No point spending a lot of emotional energy trying to sort it out.  It's been weird for other people too, but in the end we all seem to get well. 

[[be...]]

Hey everybody! Can it really be this bad at 16.5 off? I'm in acute, I feel like I'm dying everyday. I was functional last year. Am I alone? Does it get better?

 

One day, yes, unfortunately it can be that bad. Some people get worsened symptoms in year two..doesn't mean you're not healing or getting worse...just the pattern of the healing.

In many ways I was more functional last year. I was getting up every Sunday morning and going to church...can't do that now.

But also a few months ago I couldn't come on here and read like I do now.

You are definitely not alone in this, many others have posted about it....it's the roller coaster ride of symptoms...good day bad day..good week bad week..good month bad month...up and down.

 

Cycling of symptoms are very hard to deal with. Take it easy on yourself  and know that you are healing every day.

[[ON...]]

Oneday--I was like you, very bad at 16.5 months and kind of in disbelief that I was the same person who'd actually been doing so much better at 11 months.  But now, at 21 months, I'm feeling great.  So there you go!  No point spending a lot of emotional energy trying to sort it out.  It's been weird for other people too, but in the end we all seem to get well. 

 

Thank you so much for this reassurance, I've lost so much weight, i'm down to 128 pounds at 5'9" and i'm a male, I can only eat smoothies. But thank you for this hope, it's so hard at this stage of the game to think it will ever get better.

[[ON...]]

Hey everybody! Can it really be this bad at 16.5 off? I'm in acute, I feel like I'm dying everyday. I was functional last year. Am I alone? Does it get better?

 

One day, yes, unfortunately it can be that bad. Some people get worsened symptoms in year two..doesn't mean you're not healing or getting worse...just the pattern of the healing.

In many ways I was more functional last year. I was getting up every Sunday morning and going to church...can't do that now.

But also a few months ago I couldn't come on here and read like I do now.

You are definitely not alone in this, many others have posted about it....it's the roller coaster ride of symptoms...good day bad day..good week bad week..good month bad month...up and down.

 

Cycling of symptoms are very hard to deal with. Take it easy on yourself  and know that you are healing every day.

 

Thank you for the reassurance! This is an insane journey. I've been in this acute wave for 3 months and counting now. Good healing to us both!

[[Co...]]

OneDay...just hold on...by your fingernails if need be. Your experience with acute like waves in year 2 is common...unfortunately. I am 19 months out and clawing my way out of an acute like wave ( in some ways worse than acute) that slammed into me in March. March 21 ( or somewhere close to that) was my last very good day. I had a wonderful 5 day window at the end of Feb. .  This has been 2 months and then some of days ruled by anxiety and health fears. Some of my stand by strategies have failed me in this one.  The good news.. It is gradually getting BETTER.  I am noticing that many of my w/d sx are falling away, but the one toreturning me ( health fear) has expanded to fill in some of that lovely space vacated by some sx. ... but...I feel true healong solidifying underneath the anxiety. It is crazy that in some ways I feel better than year one, but in other ways I fell worse.

.....If you go back over some of the last posts on this thread you will see that many of us on the 12-18 month group have had .. or are currently experiencing exactly what you describe.

....HH wrote her success story a few weeks ago. She was feeling terrible in months 18 and 19 and was getting ready to post her success story in month 22...

...Don't lose heart...you are in the last mile of this trek...coop

[[Co...]]

Good Morning ... how fast I forget ... had a good sleep ... and woke up to a full course of stuff ... and the anxiety revving at max ...

 

Crazy stuff ... thought I was going to collapse ... and of course I am not ... but the beast gave me a good shaking this morning ... went out for a walk to the grocery store with the lyrics from "Joyful, Joyful" flowing through my head ... thought I was going nuts ... so just smiled and kept toddling along ... what else is there to do? ...

 

So ... hanging out with my benzo belly and the anxiety and the zaps and zots of nerve stuff and muscle spasms ... and remembering Tuesday's good long walk  ...

 

Another day in paradise ... 

 

...So sorry Nova...anxiety.. the bane of my year 2 w/d.  So sorry it shook you around this morning. ..One of these days it will not be our constant companion. I am getting some hours of relief each day, just not the same hours. Sometimes the mornings are goid sometimes the afternoons are good. .  Good song though.  How was the rest of your day?  I had an almost normal morning and then in a heartbeat the channel flipped and anxiety was high jacking my mind.  You are right, all a person can do is wait it out.  Me and the Waltons are having a late lunch together again.. turkey and mashed potatoes.. recommended a few weeks ago by Beulah.  She was right, it woke up my appetite. 

.  Nova, I hope your afternoon improved...thinking of you ....coop

[[be...]]

Nova, I hope as the evening gets later your symptoms are improving.

 

Coop, I can picture you with the Waltons, mashed potatoes and turkey..it goes down good when the appetite is poor.

Hey, whatever gets us through!!!    Hope you feel better.

 

Hugs. 

[[Si...]]

Yep oneday. Similar happened to me, felt 90-95% healed months 5-10. Got the flu in March and it's been terrible since then. Hope you start feeling better soon.

[[ON...]]

OneDay...just hold on...by your fingernails if need be. Your experience with acute like waves in year 2 is common...unfortunately. I am 19 months out and clawing my way out of an acute like wave ( in some ways worse than acute) that slammed into me in March. March 21 ( or somewhere close to that) was my last very good day. I had a wonderful 5 day window at the end of Feb. .  This has been 2 months and then some of days ruled by anxiety and health fears. Some of my stand by strategies have failed me in this one.  The good news.. It is gradually getting BETTER.  I am noticing that many of my w/d sx are falling away, but the one toreturning me ( health fear) has expanded to fill in some of that lovely space vacated by some sx. ... but...I feel true healong solidifying underneath the anxiety. It is crazy that in some ways I feel better than year one, but in other ways I fell worse.

.....If you go back over some of the last posts on this thread you will see that many of us on the 12-18 month group have had .. or are currently experiencing exactly what you describe.

....HH wrote her success story a few weeks ago. She was feeling terrible in months 18 and 19 and was getting ready to post her success story in month 22...

...Don't lose heart...you are in the last mile of this trek...coop

 

Thank you coop, this is so unreal, minute to minute unbearable. Is this really healing? Will I really get better? Its getting very dreary and dark  :'( we all heal? Does anyone know any other stories of people this far out getting slammed and went on to heal? Any help and reassurance is so greatly appreciated. Thank yoU!

[[Co...]]

Hi Beulah,...are you moving into that evening  better time?...Thank you so much for that mashed potato/turkey ( or chicken) reccommendation. My appetite is so poor and the antibiotics made it worse. The potatoes/turkey was perfect. Speaking of antibiotics....I am going on a full out rant here....I hAve been asking since Monday for my culture results. No call back. This morning I got a little assertive and crabby. Someone went and got the culture results for me....completely normal ....so I could have saved myself some stomach issues and headache ...if they had returned my calls....I am just glad I didn't get talked into the Cipro..which I found out ...is not considered safe in people over 60....uugghhhh.....

....Beulah, did you still get random bouts of d/r?.. I got hit this afternoon with wicked d/r...I am so dissociated that I can barely think....complete fog. ...I can feel my anxiety through it . I know it will let up, but mercy!...I haven't had it this thick in months.. .

.....How are you doing?....Did you get to enjoy some more lavender tea and sit out in the evening?. ...Wishing you sunbreaks for tomorrow....coop

[[Co...]]

OneDay...yes, HH 2as feeling terrible at 19 months and just wrote her success story at month 22 I believe. I think Eli was somewhere around 22 months.. Galea just wrote her success story ...I think most of the success stories talk about feeling like they were back in acute at some point in the second year. I know how awful it is ....I am right there with you with intense anxiety....and out of the blue today got slogged with d/r so deep I can't think...The last time I had d/r this deep was in Jan/Feb...months 13/14....Keep reading the success stories and do whatever you have to do to get from one "30 seconds" to the next. I am so sorry that you are in a long miserable thread so far out....Is there anything that distracts you at all...even for a short time? .I hope this lifts for you. I know it seems like an endless wave....me too at month 19.....Wishing you a better day tomorrow....coop

[[Fi...]]

Oneday--somehow it's not being mentioned here that I posted my success story last week.  

 

As for HealingHope, although she's checked in on this thread, I don't believe she's officially posted a story under the success thread, so you might be frustrated trying to find it.

[[Co...]]

Morning,

 

Well Im 14 months off today!!!  Have the day off today and its a lovely warm sunny one. Im hopefully just going to potter in the garden if this fatigue and muscle stiffness will let me. I had such a better day yesterday, last night I felt 'normal' and made the mistake of thinkkng of everything I could do today,  big mistake.  Of course I had crammed a whole summers worth of stuff (in my flawed thinking and pretend healed brain).  Now of course it is a matter of OMG,  I can barely climb the stairs. I think the best way to approach this is the Nova way; go low and slow for now. 

 

Has anyone else lost that ability to do things one at a time and have this crazy sense of urgency that you have to do everything at once? Its hard to explain as I never act on it,  it would be physically impossible.  Its weird

 

My beautiful daughter asked me last night if I would like to go for a walk today,  so I am definately doing that.

Note to self: Accept the things you cant do today and ignore your benzo brain.

 

Blessings and healing to all 

 

......Marj....CONGRATULATIONS....14 months is a huge trek through this journey....strong and courageous and determined you are. ....

....Yes, I think all of us have done the same thing...doing a ton of things on good days. and feeling it the next. ..You seem so steady in your ability to call out the Benzo lies as unreality...that is so crucial in getting through this. I am constantly working on developing better access to my rational mind....You are really doing so good Marj.....Wishing you sunbreaks.  coop