12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Hey, everyone.  I don't usually do health fears.  I get many other mental symptoms, just not that one.  But I was up last night until the sun came up, and as I was laying there trying to fall asleep, I got this really bad pain on the left side of my head, over my eye, I mean intense, really bad pressure pain.  I thought, wow, is this an aneurism or something? It was like a burrowing, deep pain.  I mean I can ignore a lot, but if it's too intense it gets worrisome.  Is that familiar to anyone?  Is that head pressure?  It went away.  I'm just curious.

 

....Hi Green,....well that sounds scary.  .sorry that landed on you. I have had brain zaps,  head pressure, pressure /pain in my temples ' thumbs' pressing down on my head/brain....but not the intensity you describe. Maybe Drew will chime in with his thoughts. I have read some wierd descriptions of head pressure/pain over on the 'Head Pressure' thread. ...So sorry Green, this process high jacks our minds in so many brutal ways ....yet a new sx in the second half of year 2.  ..I hope this is the only one .....99.9%  probability it's w/d....not an anurism...man, I hate the sx that cause us a moment's  health worry.......you so have my thoughts...love to you....coop

[[dr...]]

Hey, everyone.  I don't usually do health fears.  I get many other mental symptoms, just not that one.  But I was up last night until the sun came up, and as I was laying there trying to fall asleep, I got this really bad pain on the left side of my head, over my eye, I mean intense, really bad pressure pain.  I thought, wow, is this an aneurism or something? It was like a burrowing, deep pain.  I mean I can ignore a lot, but if it's too intense it gets worrisome.  Is that familiar to anyone?  Is that head pressure?  It went away.  I'm just curious.

 

Green-that's what sent me to the ER during my meeting awhile back!  I got a stabbing in the brain feeling behind my left eye and it radiated into my eye.  Freaked me the hell out. Had the ct scan and everything fine.  I now get lots of pains and pressure spots on my head but nothing since like that.  Hope that calms you.

 

Hi all...I'm home.  I did ok after my flare up which can be expected when I get those migraine sensations.  I'm able to put up with them until I cant   Got a cranial massage and she loosened up all my tight head and neck muscles.  Helps me a bunch.

 

Wtf is this new sensation of water or cold on my head now?  Fun times.

[[pe...]]

Coming back to the homeland because I'm worried this is permanent. It sure feels that way. I have one more day with students followed by meetings and reports until the 19th. I thought for sure I'd feel better by now. So, again I worry about that damn migraine drug that started it all. But given time, I should be able to heal from all of it, right?

 

Tired of being scared.

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

Hey, everyone.  I don't usually do health fears.  I get many other mental symptoms, just not that one.  But I was up last night until the sun came up, and as I was laying there trying to fall asleep, I got this really bad pain on the left side of my head, over my eye, I mean intense, really bad pressure pain.  I thought, wow, is this an aneurism or something? It was like a burrowing, deep pain.  I mean I can ignore a lot, but if it's too intense it gets worrisome.  Is that familiar to anyone?  Is that head pressure?  It went away.  I'm just curious.

 

Green-that's what sent me to the ER during my meeting awhile back! I got a stabbing in the brain feeling behind my left eye and it radiated into my eye.  Freaked me the hell out. Had the ct scan and everything fine.  I now get lots of pains and pressure spots on my head but nothing since like that.  Hope that calms you.

 

Hi all...I'm home.  I did ok after my flare up which can be expected when I get those migraine sensations.  I'm able to put up with them until I cant   Got a cranial massage and she loosened up all my tight head and neck muscles.  Helps me a bunch.

 

Wtf is this new sensation of water or cold on my head now?  Fun times.

 

Drew, yes, that statement calms me.  Thank you.  That was it exactly.

 

I wonder what normal people reading these posts would think 

[[Gr...]]

Hey, Coop, here's one of HH's posts from 18.5 months.  She kept great records.

 

Hi Friends,

I wanted to share some of my posts from about 18 1/2 months out.  I copied these 3 from my old posts just to remind you of where I was at that time. 

 

"My body hurts, sometimes feeling like I have acid or poison coursing through my veins.  My sleep has slipped somewhat from where it was a few months ago, so I am very tired and have depression hovering over everything. Sometimes I shake like I'm cold, and have the tight band feeling around my head. I get some floaty boatiness also at times, along with mild to moderate DP/DR. My symptoms have changed during the last 6 months to more physical ones, which caused a spike in my anxiety...especially these last 8 weeks or so. My anxiety is calming down again as I get my test results back and things are "normal". I just feel SICK to various degrees."

 

"The one thing I keep coming back to is that I NEVER had anxiety like this before. Ever. That must mean this is all withdrawal, and if it's withdrawal I will heal. It's just a matter of making it through. That's what the experts and those who have healed all say, right?

God, I am so tired of feeling the need to cry all over this thread. I'm sorry....I'm sure you guys are tired of hearing me. This past month has just absolutely pulled the rug out from under me."

 

"Shell-shocked.

I think that's the word to describe how I feel today.  This past week has been one of the worst I have gone through in this recovery process, and the month of December has been the toughest since passing one year. I sure hope the conventional wisdom that waves equals healing is true!"

 

This is where I was back in January.  It was ugly and awful.  I felt like I certainly was regressing.  I felt so very SICK all the time.  I was pretty much convinced that I was dying, while going crazy.  My body hurt and was so very tight all over.   

 

But NOW?  I'm going on many weeks of feeling GOOD!    I have had some slightly wavy times, but it's nothing like it was.  EVERYTHING has calmed down....even my health anxiety that was through the roof.  It really, really DOES get better!  I promise.    You are so very close.....even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

Love to you all!       

[[Gr...]]

Cortisol is a necessary hormone and as such, does some useful things. However, elevated cortisol levels over long periods of time, are linked to some bad things, including loss of muscle. Cortisol can also increase appetite. Belly fat also has cortisol receptors so they are influenced by cortisol also.

 

Belly fat has four times as many cortisol receptors, making it particularly sensitive to cortisol. In fact, belly fat responds to stress hormones by increasing in size.

 

Is this where the belly comes from?

 

[[Co...]]

Thanks so much Green.. that is exactly where I am...and I do feel like things are healing underneath all of the tight painful ribs/back...I think the cough is improving.Also believe it or not...muscle and bone pain can be side effects of both the bacteim and the macrobid...I just had no idea that antibiotics could have some of the side effects that they do. I have probably had antibiotics 4 times in my life....or it could be w/d.. .. as Nova says..  it will pass..

    Thank you so much for taking the time to look that up and posting it

    I hope you had better sleep tonight.  coop

[[...]]

Morning all,

 

I’m so grateful for you all and need your support. I’m trying to self talk and breathe slowly through this, however I’m scared if I’m honest that at 14 months this may get worse and worse. I just feel like my brain has gone sort of numb or like it’s trying to squeeze out of my skull. I’ve had the usual head pressure on and off but this feels different because I feel so spaced out at the same time. I drove to work in a daze and that freaks me out. Could it be that I am just tired from such a long time without a really good sleep? I almost feel like I’m going to end up just staring into space with dribble coming down my chin. I called to see my Mum yesterday after work as it was playing on my mind; I love her very much. Anyway, she actually understands more than I realized so I feel better about that (how can they possibly get it). Also I’m not sure if re living my neighbour story has added to my stress, however I’m glad I did as you all were really helpful. Is this just stress? This is just so scary, I’m afraid this is going to make me depressed. I got upset to my daughter last night that I don’t know how to be happy so now I’m worrying that she is worrying  :'(  Sorry for being dramatic

 

Marj, it sounds like your worry and fear is over the top...definitely a withdrawal symptom....everything is exaggerated and blown out of proportion..tenfold.

You're not at all being dramatic...the withdrawal is..it will rear it's ugly head and put terrible thoughts in your head...it's not you..really ..it's not.

In withdrawal we sometimes hurt the ones we love. I said some awful things to my daughter in acute and I thought she would never forgive me...I stresses about it for months...she never gave it a second thought...she new I was ill and never meant to hurt her.

What helped me was putting my feelings and thoughts on paper and talking them out with myself , justify your actions and be kind to yourself...this is all out war...no time for bashing yourself.

 

It does..and will get better.

 

 

Thank you so much Beulah (Belula  )

 

It's amazing how the encouragement on here helps. Those words ''it does and will get better'' are priceless 

 

 

[[...]]

Green--thanks for confirming you found my comment about not pushing yourself through jobs that will later be quite easy.  This continues to remain true, so hang onto it.  I put in so much time fearing I would never again have energy and now I do.  That's all there is to it.  Just ran my baby grandson around the downtown fountain on my mom's walker (kind of a mini-Disneyland ride!) while his mommy was down getting her driver's license.  Yay!  She passed.  Since it's my husband who's been teaching her to drive and practicing with her a lot, this is a big triumph.  Anyway, it's so great to be fun grandma, competent grandma, dealing with a poopy diaper in the park etc.  Anyway, bottom line---ENERGY RETURNS!!!!  Try not to beat yourself up for not being able to make it happen faster.  It happens when it happens.

 

 

Yes, this helped me loads too. I had not read it before and I definately tend to beat myself up for not being very productive anymore. Never mind, if energy returns then so will we.

[[be...]]

Cortisol is a necessary hormone and as such, does some useful things. However, elevated cortisol levels over long periods of time, are linked to some bad things, including loss of muscle. Cortisol can also increase appetite. Belly fat also has cortisol receptors so they are influenced by cortisol also.

 

Belly fat has four times as many cortisol receptors, making it particularly sensitive to cortisol. In fact, belly fat responds to stress hormones by increasing in size.

 

Is this where the belly comes from?

 

Green, Thank you so much for posting this. I certainly hope the high cortisol is the reason for my big belly.

Now, the question is..what do we do about it?

I could easily pass as a pregnant woman if it weren't for my age.

My big belly is getting uncomfortable..skinny body and a swallowed watermelon.

I am cutting the elastic out of some of my pants and shorts because they so tight and I bought some new sun dresses..which make my belly look even bigger.

I don't want to wait this out..I want it gone now..it's to uncomfortable.

 

If you find a anything that helps..Please let me know.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... rainy day out there ... so, restoring my freezer with beans and barley and lentils ... soaked them yesterday, cook 'em today and freeze them for another day ...

 

Sounds like something else I have been doing ...

 

Broken sleep, and some "flu" ... another day in paradise ...

 

May we all be well ... 

[[...]]

This is just unbelievable how it changes for everyone. I'm sorry to hear some are suffering again; then again it shouldn't be a suprise as I know how it is for myself.

 

I'm a little better today compared to last few days, everything is still there, just less intense. Actually I can feel calm and not much tension, then I may have moments where I feel it's going to kick in again, however if I talk to myself and deep breathe I'm ok. Fatigue and lethargy are quite dominant, heavy limbs etc.

 

I don't particularly have health fears as such but I have also been getting some weird pains in my head behind my eye, not excruciating, I had whilst driving and did think what if I had a stroke. My main fear is going insane  I've been assured that this will never happen in benzo withdrawal and it is a wd sx. I also have been getting some intermittent numbness in arms. Breathing a bit shallow and the lovely benzo belly.

 

This 'thing' really is a bitch!!!

 

Keep going everyone, so much respect for all of you   

[[Co...]]

Coming back to the homeland beyoucause I'm worried this is permanent. It sure feels that way. I have one more day with students followed by meetings and reports until the 19th. I thought for sure I'd feel better by now. So, again I worry about that damn migraine drug that started it all. But given time, I should be able to heal from all of it, right?

 

 

Tired of being scared.

 

Peace

 

Peace....you are in the home stretch.. this is not permanent...although I am with you, it all feels like it will go on forever. .I think once you get a chance to be done with school and take a breather you will feel more healing. ...It is good to see you here, although I wish you were not having a wave of worry and doubt. I really don't know how any of us keep going for more than 2 years .. taper to healed.

...I am thinking of you.  Very glad that this school year is at an end for you....You did it MightyGirl.  Now a sumner of healing.  .love to you.....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova.  yes, may we all be well.  My hope as well for you and all of us in our little band of friends.  Carry on with the beans and barley....and the healing.....coop

[[Co...]]

Marj.  Glad to hear that your day is a little better today.. you sound like are on level ground for this day. Finding those moments of calm will give you a some reserve ...You won't go crazy, although w/d is a crazy process . All of the success stories say over and over, " it all goes away".  .all the anxiety, depression, health fears, benzo bellies, obssessive intrusive thoughts, body pains, head pains, agoraphobia etc etc....they all say it all goes away....I am hanging on to that.  ...as Nova said.  "May we all heal"..  coop

[[Fi...]]

On the weight  and benzo belly front, ladies....Talk of cutting the elastic out of pants etc. reminds me.....one thing I did along the lines of being kind to myself during this is that when I had to, I just BOUGHT SOME BIGGER PANTS.  Would you say to someone you're taking care of, "Hey, you're sick and miserable and for added punishment I think it would be a good idea if you were forced to wear waistbands that cut into your already hurting stomach?"  No, you would not!  So why talk that way to yourself?

 

This morning I hit a weight (lower!) that I haven't seen in months, which shows me that when we're well, all this craziness subsides and taking the temporary weight gain off will not be the huge issue it seems when you're sick and miserable and can't exercise.  And I am a person with a terrible track record for deliberate weight loss, so if it's happening for me, it will for you, too.

 

Hang in there!

[[be...]]

On the weight  and benzo belly front, ladies....Talk of cutting the elastic out of pants etc. reminds me.....one thing I did along the lines of being kind to myself during this is that when I had to, I just BOUGHT SOME BIGGER PANTS.  Would you say to someone you're taking care of, "Hey, you're sick and miserable and for added punishment I think it would be a good idea if you were forced to wear waistbands that cut into your already hurting stomach?"  No, you would not!  So why talk that way to yourself?

 

This morning I hit a weight (lower!) that I haven't seen in months, which shows me that when we're well, all this craziness subsides and taking the temporary weight gain off will not be the huge issue it seems when you're sick and miserable and can't exercise.  And I am a person with a terrible track record for deliberate weight loss, so if it's happening for me, it will for you, too.

 

Hang in there!

 

FJ, I really can't buy bigger pants because I'm so unproportioned. I don't have a butt or hips ..just a big belly. I tried on new pants the other day a couple of sizes bigger and they did feel comfortable around the waist..but didn't fit anywhere else...I looked like I was wearing clown pants.

I have a couple of pair of yoga pants and sweats that I've been wearing 24/ 7.  I might have to wear baggy Sun dresses all summer whether I look pregnant or not.

I'm really not looking to lose weight anywhere but my gut..the rest of me is skinny.

 

Happy you are losing the weight. I can't wait to be able to exercise.

[[Fi...]]

Yeah, about the not being able to wait to exercise!  I was ready to get started again at the end of January but then went and broke my ankle, so burned about 1 calorie per hour for the next couple of months.  I just knew after that nobody was going to have to nag me to exercise ever again. 

 

So, yeah, larger pants aren't the point so much as getting comfortable.  Do the sundress thing if you have to.

[[be...]]

Yeah, about the not being able to wait to exercise!  I was ready to get started again at the end of January but then went and broke my ankle, so burned about 1 calorie per hour for the next couple of months.  I just knew after that nobody was going to have to nag me to exercise ever again. 

 

So, yeah, larger pants aren't the point so much as getting comfortable.  Do the sundress thing if you have to.

 

[[pe...]]

Thanks, Coop. I finished the last day with students and that feels like a miracle. So much dr, brain mush, fatigue. I just want to curl into a ball bit now I have 29 reports to write in the next week and a half. I just want to put my head down on the table and wake up when this is all over. Starting month 17 on Saturday. I'm tired.

 

I know many of you are too. I might be round more now that work's settling.

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Thanks, Coop. I finished the last day with students and that feels like a miracle. So much dr, brain mush, fatigue. I just want to curl into a ball bit now I have 29 reports to write in the next week and a half. I just want to put my head down on the table and wake up when this is all over. Starting month 17 on Saturday. I'm tired.

 

I know many of you are too. I might be round more now that work's settling.

 

Peace2

 

.....Peace, you sound exhausted to me.I hope we do see more of you on the thread. I know we all think of you ...one of the original cave dwellers with Life.  I am really glad that you are entering months 17/18/19 in the summer without the added stress of school. ...It's going to ease up again Peace.. Hang on with us...We are all marching out of this hell ....Wishing you some rest!....love to you....coop

[[Gr...]]

Cortisol is a necessary hormone and as such, does some useful things. However, elevated cortisol levels over long periods of time, are linked to some bad things, including loss of muscle. Cortisol can also increase appetite. Belly fat also has cortisol receptors so they are influenced by cortisol also.

 

Belly fat has four times as many cortisol receptors, making it particularly sensitive to cortisol. In fact, belly fat responds to stress hormones by increasing in size.

 

Is this where the belly comes from?

 

Green, Thank you so much for posting this. I certainly hope the high cortisol is the reason for my big belly.

Now, the question is..what do we do about it?

I could easily pass as a pregnant woman if it weren't for my age.

My big belly is getting uncomfortable..skinny body and a swallowed watermelon.

I am cutting the elastic out of some of my pants and shorts because they so tight and I bought some new sun dresses..which make my belly look even bigger.

I don't want to wait this out..I want it gone now..it's to uncomfortable.

 

If you find a anything that helps..Please let me know.

 

Beulah, my gut is ridiculous, there's no other way to say it.  Even a small meal makes it pop so I have to undo my pants, it's very uncomfortable, sometimes painful.  At times I know I look pregnant.

 

Baylissa describes the 9 1/2 month belly at the end, before she healed. I think it's going to go away when we heal, I truly do. I have no idea what we would do about it now.  You already have a pretty clean diet from what I've read in your posts.  On a bad day, my belly will pop from a half glass of water, or from nothing.

 

If I come across anything, though, I will let you know.  I really think we'll both be long healed before that, though!

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... rainy day out there ... so, restoring my freezer with beans and barley and lentils ... soaked them yesterday, cook 'em today and freeze them for another day ...

 

Sounds like something else I have been doing ...

 

Broken sleep, and some "flu" ... another day in paradise ...

 

May we all be well ... 

 

Nova, sorry about the broken sleep and the flu.  I suspect that's how it's going to be until the end, and hopefully the window doesn't completely close, hopefully these not so good days are short lived -- in other words, NO MORE VERY BAD DAYS. 

[[Gr...]]

On the weight  and benzo belly front, ladies....Talk of cutting the elastic out of pants etc. reminds me.....one thing I did along the lines of being kind to myself during this is that when I had to, I just BOUGHT SOME BIGGER PANTS.  Would you say to someone you're taking care of, "Hey, you're sick and miserable and for added punishment I think it would be a good idea if you were forced to wear waistbands that cut into your already hurting stomach?"  No, you would not!  So why talk that way to yourself?

This morning I hit a weight (lower!) that I haven't seen in months, which shows me that when we're well, all this craziness subsides and taking the temporary weight gain off will not be the huge issue it seems when you're sick and miserable and can't exercise.  And I am a person with a terrible track record for deliberate weight loss, so if it's happening for me, it will for you, too.

 

Hang in there!

 

FJ, that's so hopeful.  Thank you

[[pe...]]

http://www.benzo.org.uk/amisc/reconnexion10.pdf

 

Have you all seen this? It's a lot of info but easy to read and very validating. Should print this and send it to every doc who was clueless in this journey.