12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Morning all,

 

I was so exhausted after our company left yesterday that I had to lay down and regroup.

Cool as a cucumber till I heard a knock on the door. My heart rate shot up and my brain shut down.

I had to keep reminding myself that if this became to much for me I had planned an escape the night before with my daughter (darn, I forgot all about our hair appointment.)

Our company was my husband's two sisters and a family friend. After about a ten minute visit I excused myself and went to the bathroom for an emotional release( cried my eyes out) put on a fresh face and joined back in.

After we all talked for about half an hour the questions started.

 

Sisters- So your not working anymore?

Me - No, I was having to many problems with my feet standing all day.

Sisters - Have you lost weight?

Me - I'm eating healthier.

Sisters - So, you sold your house..how do you like apartment living?

Me - A lot easier up keep.

 

My husband sat quietly on pins and needles and assured me before they arrived that he would come to my rescue if needed.

As we were eating lunch the family friend starting cracking jokes about all the fun times we all use to have..it took the spotlight off of me and I started to calm a little.

After we ate we went to the living room and some more questions started by the sisters...they know something is not right.

My husband could see that I was uncomfortable and he excused himself to the bathroom.

After about two minutes my husband yelled out of the bathroom loudly..Call Emergency Maintenance Quick...The toilet is over flowing and flooding the floor. Company Gone!!!!!

My hero!!!!

 

Beulah, are the sisters mean stepsisters, or they're just curious about what's been going on with you?

[[Gr...]]

Well ... did my hike this morning ... took about three hours ... had to get through a couple of "walls" ... nothing too dramatic ... enjoyed myself ... and brought my lunch home ...

 

So ... I took myself out for a test drive ... and I liked it ... planning another one for next week ... now I am looking down the road to the Fall ... maybe some long ones might be possible this year ...

 

Rain tomorrow ... so a cooking day ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet Tuesday ... 

 

Nova, I am quietly celebrating with you, for you.  Even with the walls -- actually, getting through the walls is empowering, getting your life back.

[[Gr...]]

WOW, I am at 16 months today.  That is positive at least.  Unfortunately, this is the worst I have felt in my life.  I am not going to sugar coat it.  I am hurting and it's really weighing on me bad.  Truly feels like I will never get better.  It started a month ago and each day gets a little worse.  It all feels like this just can't be just withdrawal.  :'(  I have massive head/ear pressure and I can barely walk in a straight line I am so dizzy.  I get very faint and nearly pass out in stressful situations (which is most situations)  I just don't know what to do with myself.  I need a break to just recover but I have so many obligations and people to take care of that I don't have time for myself.Truly hope there is a big window on the other side of this.  I feel like I just 'leveled up' to this group and now it has already been 4 months with no end in sight.  Hugs to all of you suffering out there.  I feel you in a big way.

 

Aqua, year two has been such a challenge.  If I didn't have this thread, I don't know what I would have done.  Everything, as unbelievably bad as it feels, it's normal, I've felt it, everyone here has felt it, and it gets better!  Healing totally happens in the second year.  So hang in there.

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

I’m so grateful for you all and need your support. I’m trying to self talk and breathe slowly through this, however I’m scared if I’m honest that at 14 months this may get worse and worse. I just feel like my brain has gone sort of numb or like it’s trying to squeeze out of my skull. I’ve had the usual head pressure on and off but this feels different because I feel so spaced out at the same time. I drove to work in a daze and that freaks me out. Could it be that I am just tired from such a long time without a really good sleep? I almost feel like I’m going to end up just staring into space with dribble coming down my chin. I called to see my Mum yesterday after work as it was playing on my mind; I love her very much. Anyway, she actually understands more than I realized so I feel better about that (how can they possibly get it). Also I’m not sure if re living my neighbour story has added to my stress, however I’m glad I did as you all were really helpful. Is this just stress? This is just so scary, I’m afraid this is going to make me depressed. I got upset to my daughter last night that I don’t know how to be happy so now I’m worrying that she is worrying  :'(  Sorry for being dramatic

 

Marj, it sounds like your worry and fear is over the top...definitely a withdrawal symptom....everything is exaggerated and blown out of proportion..tenfold.

You're not at all being dramatic...the withdrawal is..it will rear it's ugly head and put terrible thoughts in your head...it's not you..really ..it's not.

In withdrawal we sometimes hurt the ones we love. I said some awful things to my daughter in acute and I thought she would never forgive me...I stresses about it for months...she never gave it a second thought...she new I was ill and never meant to hurt her.

What helped me was putting my feelings and thoughts on paper and talking them out with myself , justify your actions and be kind to yourself...this is all out war...no time for bashing yourself.

 

It does..and will get better.

[[be...]]

Green..lol, my husband's two sisters are actually very nice ladies. We all grew up together in the same town. Their dad was the Pastor of our church. I went to school with one of my husband's sisters and she introduced me to him one night when I stayed all night with her...it was love at first sight..we grew close and later married.

His sister's are curious and a bit nosey as to what is going on with us. We use to visit a lot and then withdrawal happened...everything stopped.

I would tell them about the withdrawal but they would not understand and worry to much.

 

They do suspect I'm kooky. I forgot to put coffee in the coffee maker...they had hot water..lol.

I couldn't remember the name of one of his sister's and kept referring to her as  sista..

They asked me to have lunch with them next week..I froze..I could not think of an excuse fast enough so I sat there with a frozen red face unable to speak..I finally blurted out " I'll let you know".

 

Whew, I'm glad it's over. If anyone else wants to visit in the near future I might have something contagious..lol..I don't know yet.

 

Trying to keep it real.

[[be...]]

Coop...you are sounding much better..hope you are getting a break.

Many hugs!! 

[[Fi...]]

Green--thanks for confirming you found my comment about not pushing yourself through jobs that will later be quite easy.  This continues to remain true, so hang onto it.  I put in so much time fearing I would never again have energy and now I do.  That's all there is to it.  Just ran my baby grandson around the downtown fountain on my mom's walker (kind of a mini-Disneyland ride!) while his mommy was down getting her driver's license.  Yay!  She passed.  Since it's my husband who's been teaching her to drive and practicing with her a lot, this is a big triumph.  Anyway, it's so great to be fun grandma, competent grandma, dealing with a poopy diaper in the park etc.  Anyway, bottom line---ENERGY RETURNS!!!!  Try not to beat yourself up for not being able to make it happen faster.  It happens when it happens.

[[Aq...]]

WOW, I am at 16 months today.  That is positive at least.  Unfortunately, this is the worst I have felt in my life.  I am not going to sugar coat it.  I am hurting and it's really weighing on me bad.  Truly feels like I will never get better.  It started a month ago and each day gets a little worse.  It all feels like this just can't be just withdrawal.  :'(  I have massive head/ear pressure and I can barely walk in a straight line I am so dizzy.  I get very faint and nearly pass out in stressful situations (which is most situations)  I just don't know what to do with myself.  I need a break to just recover but I have so many obligations and people to take care of that I don't have time for myself.Truly hope there is a big window on the other side of this.  I feel like I just 'leveled up' to this group and now it has already been 4 months with no end in sight.  Hugs to all of you suffering out there.  I feel you in a big way.

 

Aqua, year two has been such a challenge.  If I didn't have this thread, I don't know what I would have done.  Everything, as unbelievably bad as it feels, it's normal, I've felt it, everyone here has felt it, and it gets better!  Healing totally happens in the second year.  So hang in there.

 

Thank you.  I didn't mean to be such a downer.  I appreciate all of your support.  This is a tough one!

[[dr...]]

i got some facial sensations and the feeling of cold tingles? on my scalp.  Almost like someone pouring water on it.  Add some weird sensations on my left right side of my extremities and my health anxiety took off.  Just add water...   dizziness, breathing stuff, and verge of panic followed.  doing my CBT and reminding myself that this is my new normal until isn't...oh so hard   This will pass as it always does...

[[Co...]]

Coop...you are sounding much better..hope you are getting a break.

Many hugs!! 

 

Hey Beulah...are you regrouped after your visitors?  The 'overflowing toilet' was a brilliant foil...

..I was doing better...today has been non-stop hours of health fear and anxiety.. .started at a 9.5...has ratcheted down to a 7.5...I will get through it...found myself wanting to ask for more tests.  I know it's w/d....but it's so convincing and my back and rib pain is very real....so around and around I go. Just surviving today...distracting is of minimal help...moving and being busy at least helps a little. My daughter was here this morning and that is always such a comfort. ...I know that I am healing but these throw back acute days ruin me...

...I am not anywhere close to throwing a roast in the crock pot and having 3  visitors over for dinner. I feel so trapped in prescribed social situations.. like dinner..I wouldn't be able to sit through it and carry on a conversation...like you, I want to hand them thier plates and open the door to usher them on thier way. I still have a trapped feeling talking on the phone...Writing on the screen helps me the most...I can't obssess and write at the same time....almost..but not quite.

...Your story made me laugh......Wishing you sunbreaks Beulah... coop

[[Co...]]

i got some facial sensations and the feeling of cold tingles? on my scalp.  Almost like someone pouring water on it.  Add some weird sensations on my left right side of my extremities and my health anxiety took off.  Just add water...   dizziness, breathing stuff, and verge of panic followed.  doing my CBT and reminding myself that this is my new normal until isn't...oh so hard   This will pass as it always does...

 

....Hey Drew...we are health panic buddies today.  It doesn't take much to send me off the rails. ...I have read many posts from buddies experiencing the pouring of cold water through thier brain or through the inside of thier bodies. I haven't had that one, but it sounds dreadful. ...I am having ' heart attacks' again today..  set off by dizziness and back/rib pain...has totally high jacked my brain . I have had 3 clean ekgs...still I think I am having heart attacks...I have been reading some very interesting and encouraging stuff on Mindfulness by Jon Something Zinn....I think Nova is a master at this.. just letting your thoughts be what they are and not reacting to them...take me a lifetime to catch on to that, but I think I am going to buy the book...Full Catrastophe Living.. (I think)...

....So sorry Drew that you got hit with health anxiety...it is such a miserable torment...I hope it passes soon...you seem to handle it every time..  but I know that doesn't make it easier to live with..  thinking of you....coop

[[be...]]

Coop...you are sounding much better..hope you are getting a break.

Many hugs!! 

 

Hey Beulah...are you regrouped after your visitors?  The 'overflowing toilet' was a brilliant foil...

..I was doing better...today has been non-stop hours of health fear and anxiety.. .started at a 9.5...has ratcheted down to a 7.5...I will get through it...found myself wanting to ask for more tests.  I know it's w/d....but it's so convincing and my back and rib pain is very real....so around and around I go. Just surviving today...distracting is of minimal help...moving and being busy at least helps a little. My daughter was here this morning and that is always such a comfort. ...I know that I am healing but these throw back acute days ruin me...

...I am not anywhere close to throwing a roast in the crock pot and having 3  visitors over for dinner. I feel so trapped in prescribed social situations.. like dinner..I wouldn't be able to sit through it and carry on a conversation...like you, I want to hand them thier plates and open the door to usher them on thier way. I still have a trapped feeling talking on the phone...Writing on the screen helps me the most...I can't obssess and write at the same time....almost..but not quite.

...Your story made me laugh......Wishing you sunbreaks Beulah... coop

[[No...]]

Coop and Drew ... sorry you are in the soup again ... I got the return of the "flu" this afternoon ... feel pretty lousy after a good morning ...

 

This all passes each and every time ... 

[[No...]]

Coop ... yes, Jon Kabat-Zinn ... Full Catastrophe Living ...

[[Gr...]]

Green..lol, my husband's two sisters are actually very nice ladies. We all grew up together in the same town. Their dad was the Pastor of our church. I went to school with one of my husband's sisters and she introduced me to him one night when I stayed all night with her...it was love at first sight..we grew close and later married.

His sister's are curious and a bit nosey as to what is going on with us. We use to visit a lot and then withdrawal happened...everything stopped.

I would tell them about the withdrawal but they would not understand and worry to much.

 

They do suspect I'm kooky. I forgot to put coffee in the coffee maker...they had hot water..lol.

I couldn't remember the name of one of his sister's and kept referring to her as  sista..

They asked me to have lunch with them next week..I froze..I could not think of an excuse fast enough so I sat there with a frozen red face unable to speak..I finally blurted out " I'll let you know".

 

Whew, I'm glad it's over. If anyone else wants to visit in the near future I might have something contagious..lol..I don't know yet.

 

Trying to keep it real.

 

Beulah, it's so hard to keep family "on ice" while we're going through this.  Boy, do I relate!  No one can possible understand, and the longer it goes on, the more awkward it gets.  But they sound like basically good people, and once this is over I think the relationship will be repaired.  And what a loyal, supportive hubby you have!  A mechanical emergency.  How resourceful!

[[be...]]

Coop...you are sounding much better..hope you are getting a break.

Many hugs!! 

 

Hey Beulah...are you regrouped after your visitors?  The 'overflowing toilet' was a brilliant foil...

..I was doing better...today has been non-stop hours of health fear and anxiety.. .started at a 9.5...has ratcheted down to a 7.5...I will get through it...found myself wanting to ask for more tests.  I know it's w/d....but it's so convincing and my back and rib pain is very real....so around and around I go. Just surviving today...distracting is of minimal help...moving and being busy at least helps a little. My daughter was here this morning and that is always such a comfort. ...I know that I am healing but these throw back acute days ruin me...

...I am not anywhere close to throwing a roast in the crock pot and having 3  visitors over for dinner. I feel so trapped in prescribed social situations.. like dinner..I wouldn't be able to sit through it and carry on a conversation...like you, I want to hand them thier plates and open the door to usher them on thier way. I still have a trapped feeling talking on the phone...Writing on the screen helps me the most...I can't obssess and write at the same time....almost..but not quite.

...Your story made me laugh......Wishing you sunbreaks Beulah... coop

 

Ignore the quoted post before this one..it's blank..lol..my big thumb got in the way.

 

Believe me, I wasn't ready for company..they just called and said they were popping over for a visit the next day...my brain did flip flops. But I survived it without any breakdowns.

So sorry you have the rib and back pain...this physical pain is hard to live with on a daily basis.

Does a warm bath help the pain? Do you think it's the tight muscles?

 

I'm having trouble sitting today..my sitting muscles and probably core are still out. I have trouble sitting for more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time..I have to keep getting up and walk around.

Yesterday I sat way longer than I should have because our company was here.

Could you get your daughter to rub your muscles in your back to see if it helps?

I feel I'm wearing a tight girdle today because my abs are so tight..a little hard to breathe.

 

I.have to wonder if our muscles are as tight as they feel or is it just a feeling that they are.

 

Yes coop, the throwback acute days are the worst. Try not to get so discouraged..yep..it's hard just keeping your head above water.

I hope you get more relief as evening draws closers. Hugs.

[[Gr...]]

Green--thanks for confirming you found my comment about not pushing yourself through jobs that will later be quite easy.  This continues to remain true, so hang onto it.  I put in so much time fearing I would never again have energy and now I do.  That's all there is to it.  Just ran my baby grandson around the downtown fountain on my mom's walker (kind of a mini-Disneyland ride!) while his mommy was down getting her driver's license.  Yay!  She passed.  Since it's my husband who's been teaching her to drive and practicing with her a lot, this is a big triumph.  Anyway, it's so great to be fun grandma, competent grandma, dealing with a poopy diaper in the park etc.  Anyway, bottom line---ENERGY RETURNS!!!!  Try not to beat yourself up for not being able to make it happen faster.  It happens when it happens.

 

FJ, I found it very helpful, very comforting.  I have all this crazy anxiety about what I'm not getting done in the house, and when I push myself and try, I get wiped out after about ten minutes.  It doesn't even seem worth it.

 

You sound happy and healthy and like you're enjoying your life.  So glad for you

[[Gr...]]

WOW, I am at 16 months today.  That is positive at least.  Unfortunately, this is the worst I have felt in my life.  I am not going to sugar coat it.  I am hurting and it's really weighing on me bad.  Truly feels like I will never get better.  It started a month ago and each day gets a little worse.  It all feels like this just can't be just withdrawal.  :'(  I have massive head/ear pressure and I can barely walk in a straight line I am so dizzy.  I get very faint and nearly pass out in stressful situations (which is most situations)  I just don't know what to do with myself.  I need a break to just recover but I have so many obligations and people to take care of that I don't have time for myself.Truly hope there is a big window on the other side of this.  I feel like I just 'leveled up' to this group and now it has already been 4 months with no end in sight.  Hugs to all of you suffering out there.  I feel you in a big way.

 

Aqua, year two has been such a challenge.  If I didn't have this thread, I don't know what I would have done.  Everything, as unbelievably bad as it feels, it's normal, I've felt it, everyone here has felt it, and it gets better!  Healing totally happens in the second year.  So hang in there.

 

Thank you.  I didn't mean to be such a downer.  I appreciate all of your support.  This is a tough one!

 

You are not a downer!  THIS IS VERY HARD!  Getting through the day can be unbelievably challenging.  That's why we come here, to get the strength and courage to keep going.   There will be better days.

[[Gr...]]

Hey, everyone.  I don't usually do health fears.  I get many other mental symptoms, just not that one.  But I was up last night until the sun came up, and as I was laying there trying to fall asleep, I got this really bad pain on the left side of my head, over my eye, I mean intense, really bad pressure pain.  I thought, wow, is this an aneurism or something? It was like a burrowing, deep pain.  I mean I can ignore a lot, but if it's too intense it gets worrisome.  Is that familiar to anyone?  Is that head pressure?  It went away.  I'm just curious.

[[Co...]]

Coop ... yes, Jon Kabat-Zinn ... Full Catastrophe Living ...

 

Thanks Nova,....have you read it?... what do you think?

Seems like it would be a good strategy for life in general ...

.....Sorry you have w/d flu sx today.  Are you going along low and slow ?....Yes, it always passes....it's just such an interruption to whatever else we had penciled in for the day.  We will all be masters of flexible thinking by the time we are done.....feel better Nova. ..coop

 

[[be...]]

Coop and Drew ... sorry you are in the soup again ... I got the return of the "flu" this afternoon ... feel pretty lousy after a good morning ...

 

This all passes each and every time ... 

 

 

Yes Nova, it's the same ole flu drill. Good morning ..bad evening..sorry your good day didn't last.

Rest, hopefully by bedtime it will ease up.

[[be...]]

i got some facial sensations and the feeling of cold tingles? on my scalp.  Almost like someone pouring water on it.  Add some weird sensations on my left right side of my extremities and my health anxiety took off.  Just add water...   dizziness, breathing stuff, and verge of panic followed.  doing my CBT and reminding myself that this is my new normal until isn't...oh so hard   This will pass as it always does...

 

 

Sorry drew...aren't those facial sensations odd. I keep having the corner of my mouth pull up and then go numb on the side of my face. Hot and cold spots on my legs and back.

 

 

I hope the CBT calms you. This to shall pass.

[[be...]]

Green--thanks for confirming you found my comment about not pushing yourself through jobs that will later be quite easy.  This continues to remain true, so hang onto it.  I put in so much time fearing I would never again have energy and now I do.  That's all there is to it.  Just ran my baby grandson around the downtown fountain on my mom's walker (kind of a mini-Disneyland ride!) while his mommy was down getting her driver's license.  Yay!  She passed.  Since it's my husband who's been teaching her to drive and practicing with her a lot, this is a big triumph.  Anyway, it's so great to be fun grandma, competent grandma, dealing with a poopy diaper in the park etc.  Anyway, bottom line---ENERGY RETURNS!!!!  Try not to beat yourself up for not being able to make it happen faster.  It happens when it happens.

 

FJ, Thank you!!!! I needed to read this today. Later it will be quite easy. It happens when it happens.

[[No...]]

Coop ... it is a big fat book ... and pretty cheap ... there are whole parts of it that would not interest most people ... a lot of science and study stuff ...

 

However ... the core stuff is gone over very thoroughly ... the practice outlined in the book is MBSR ... Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction ... this is the program he pioneered ...

 

Very good stuff ... a good bit of stuff on mindfulness ... some yoga ... and some body scan stuff ... all centered around getting oneself into a place where stress and our goofy thoughts are seen for what they are and how we can learn to respond to them in a helpful way ...

 

This is not CBT stuff ... that is a somewhat different path ... and probably leading to the same place ... although I cannot speak to CBT ... have not gone down that path ...

[[Co...]]

Thanks Nova.. I have heard of the book and the author on the grapevine in different venues.  I just haven't approached it yet...sounds very useful...are you feeling any better?...hope it was a only a passing bout.  .coop