12-18 month support

[[pe...]]

Hey Drew,

Nice job working through. That's what we do and it's hard. I get caught up in the 'what is this' thinking. And I know I won't know that it ends....until it ends, no matter what people try to tell me. I guess it feels permanent until it's not. I also know that people say at least two years for healing. So I'm giving it two years... And then another six months if I'm not healed because what else am I gonna do?!?!

 

You are doing a great job of moving through this.

 

Peace2

[[pe...]]

HH,

That is such great news! Thursday is so close, you're almost there. I have students through next Wednesday and a major performance to pull off between now and then. I can't believe I made it through the school year and you were certainly a huge inspiration.

 

I hope you have a restful and happy summer ahead of you!!!!!!

Peace2

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

HH, such good news that you are going forward and living your life. We are all right behind you..so keep your light on and lead the way.

 

Ok, you guys have me craving ice cream and cookies with all this sweet talk.

 

Feeling a bit better today after a few crazy up and down days.

I just wanted to do some clothes shopping and dinner with my husband...but apparently that was to much....excuse me for wanting to live.

I see a pattern here...picnic on Saturday..had a rest day Sunday..shopping on Monday ..rest day Tues.

 

So, I guess I'm allowed out of my cage every other day..it's ok for now

 

Hugs.  Carry on with the sweet talk.

 

 

 

[[...]]

This wave continues after a little let up yesterday evening and a better night’s sleep, well more than none. I cannot help wondering if I am driving these symptoms with my thinking and fear in other words I am expecting to feel bad on a morning so I do and as I’m getting ready for work it just gets worse until I get out of the house because I am thinking here we go again. All I know is I’m sick of being on high alert from the moment I wake up, aware of my thoughts all the time and having to distract constantly to stop them from scaring the hell out of me. Does this make sense to anyone? I just long for that natural flow of life where you just do what you do without much conscious thought until you’ need’ to think to do something…………. 

 

I don’t have the same body pain and tension today, just a general stiffness, especially shoulders and neck. Head pressure is threatening to put in an appearance. Mainly plagued by feeling spaced out and jittery and an inability to focus or concentrate unless of course it is concerning withdrawal.

 

On a positive note; my Key Lime Pie went down so well at work, someone has asked me to make a coffee cake for his wife’s birthday on Friday. At first this freaked me out a little and my heart was racing (how pathetic). However I have decided I can do it and distracted myself by looking for a decent recipe thanks to Google 

 

Hope everyone is calm and blissful, pft

 

[[Sk...]]

Good Morning ... had another night of poor sleep and the vibrations thingie ... tried to get more sleep a while ago ... turned toxic ... got up and made cookies ...

 

What the hell ... if I can't get good sleep I can get good cookies ... 

 

Poor sleep, vibrations.  My constant companions.  Are they going to be with us all the way through until the end?

 

Unfortunately, none of this has affected my appetite.  Gimme a cookie.

 

Sue, mr Sky is making ice cream, with almost no sugar and quite healthy, care for some ? We will be trying it later, it's the first time we try.

 

Benzo ice cream..  can you believe it ? 

 

He's making ice cream?  And he stayed with you throughout withdrawal?  OMG, Sky, that's a keeper.  I remember being similarly impressed when you posted he made his own pasta.  I was like man, oh, man, how great is that!

 

Sue, it seems to me, that wd is a school for cooks ! And many other things but that stands out.

[[be...]]

Hi Marj.

High alert certainly describes my mornings. I love the few days that I have here and there of going about my business effortlessly.

 

I also did a search for coffee cake a couple of weeks ago, I found a good and simple one on food network. Pioneer Woman has a nice one that I made and liked...she said she stole it from her mom's recipe folder..lol.

Even though I can't eat much sugar yet I still find pleasure in baking and taste testing.

My husband is my official taste tester, so he encourages me to put the apron on quite frequently..he says it's good for me to have distractions..lol. ...of course he would say that.

 

Just another day in paradise.

[[Sk...]]

This wave continues after a little let up yesterday evening and a better night’s sleep, well more than none. I cannot help wondering if I am driving these symptoms with my thinking and fear in other words I am expecting to feel bad on a morning so I do and as I’m getting ready for work it just gets worse until I get out of the house because I am thinking here we go again. All I know is I’m sick of being on high alert from the moment I wake up, aware of my thoughts all the time and having to distract constantly to stop them from scaring the hell out of me. Does this make sense to anyone? I just long for that natural flow of life where you just do what you do without much conscious thought until you’ need’ to think to do something…………. 

 

I don’t have the same body pain and tension today, just a general stiffness, especially shoulders and neck. Head pressure is threatening to put in an appearance. Mainly plagued by feeling spaced out and jittery and an inability to focus or concentrate unless of course it is concerning withdrawal.

 

On a positive note; my Key Lime Pie went down so well at work, someone has asked me to make a coffee cake for his wife’s birthday on Friday. At first this freaked me out a little and my heart was racing (how pathetic). However I have decided I can do it and distracted myself by looking for a decent recipe thanks to Google 

 

Hope everyone is calm and blissful, pft

 

 

Sounds good. 

 

Mr Sky, take the recipes he finds and works on making them benzo wd friendly but I guess you don't need to do that, you are baking for other people, right ?

[[be...]]

Sky..I need a withdrawal friendly coffee cake...pretty please with a cherry on top.

Oh....how I love coffee cake...love it...a withdrawal friendly coffee cake..music to my eyes.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... had another lousy night of sleep ... off and on ...

 

The rain stopped so I went out for a good long walk ... about 2 1/2 hours ... even did some fast walking off and on ... felt pretty good to do that ... could feel the endorphins bringing on a big smile ...

 

The healing stuff is going on and I can't seem to pinpoint anything ... so that is good for me ... I would appreciate a "not too loud" day ...

 

Yep ... another day in paradise ... 

[[No...]]

[move]Coop is 19 Today ... Yippee ...

[[...]]

Thanks Belula and Sky, 

 

I think I’ve found a recipe, it’s a Mary Berry one,  sounds good and easy.  No I can’t eat any too, nearly kills me as I have such a sweet tooth, however it is just not worth it. My daughter made a blueberry, strawberry and raspberry tart at the weekend and I thought oh sod it, I’m having some. It was so delicious but I paid for it.  Probably why I’ve been in this wave (possibly).  Thankfully I have improved this afternoon, the jitters have left and I’m relatively calm. Just do a few deep breathing exercises to keep it that way until tomorrow morning!!!

 

Belula are your mornings always like that? I’ve never really been a morning person but urgh 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Coop-19!!!

 

Nova-great job on the walk

 

Marj-I wake up almost every day in high alert.  It comes and goes in intensity w my waves though.  I find getting up and doing to be most helpful.

 

After my anxiety receded yesterday it didn't return at night and no looping thoughts at dinner;). Felt energetic and slept poirly(plus my fiancé is coughing sick all night so that ain't helping). At dentists now waiting for a deep cleaning and I can feel a surge trying to come on of looping thoughts and breathing but it's much shallower than all week.  Hope this wave is fading.  Ok...off to get choppers deep cleaned.

[[be...]]

Thanks Belula and Sky, 

 

I think I’ve found a recipe, it’s a Mary Berry one,  sounds good and easy.  No I can’t eat any too, nearly kills me as I have such a sweet tooth, however it is just not worth it. My daughter made a blueberry, strawberry and raspberry tart at the weekend and I thought oh sod it, I’m having some. It was so delicious but I paid for it.  Probably why I’ve been in this wave (possibly).  Thankfully I have improved this afternoon, the jitters have left and I’m relatively calm. Just do a few deep breathing exercises to keep it that way until tomorrow morning!!!

 

Belula are your mornings always like that? I’ve never really been a morning person but urgh 

 

Yes Marj, unfortunately my mornings are filled with withdrawal anxiety, I think it's the am high cortisol because evenings are better.

But lately some improvements in the morning..I'm contributing to spring and letting time pass.

I have always been an early morning person and can't wait to have peace again in the am.. something about the sun coming up and the birds singing...ahhh.

 

Hope your day continues to improve.

 

 

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... had another lousy night of sleep ... off and on ...

 

The rain stopped so I went out for a good long walk ... about 2 1/2 hours ... even did some fast walking off and on ... felt pretty good to do that ... could feel the endorphins bringing on a big smile ...

 

The healing stuff is going on and I can't seem to pinpoint anything ... so that is good for me ... I would appreciate a "not too loud" day ...

 

Yep ... another day in paradise ... 

 

Hey Nova..I sure am impressed by all of the walking you're able to do. I feel better when I can get some walking in...also helps me sleep.

 

Yes, those happy little endorphins..they are much needed. :smitten:Hopefully better sleep tonight.

 

Thanks for the scoop on coop.

[[be...]]

drew, hope the wave is fading for you. A deep clean at the dentist...you are brave.

 

coop month 19...you did it. Hip Hip Hooray!!!!

I know your still sick but you made it up the milestone mountain of waves.

Are you feeling any better?

Thinking of you.

[[Sk...]]

Sky..I need a withdrawal friendly coffee cake...pretty please with a cherry on top.

Oh....how I love coffee cake...love it...a withdrawal friendly coffee cake..music to my eyes.

 

Beulah, coffe anything might be beyond hard for now...  But not for long, don't worry ! 

[[Sk...]]

Good Morning ... had another lousy night of sleep ... off and on ...

 

The rain stopped so I went out for a good long walk ... about 2 1/2 hours ... even did some fast walking off and on ... felt pretty good to do that ... could feel the endorphins bringing on a big smile ...

 

The healing stuff is going on and I can't seem to pinpoint anything ... so that is good for me ... I would appreciate a "not too loud" day ...

 

Yep ... another day in paradise ... 

 

Wow, endorphins and smiles. Baby steps Michael, we are almost there, I can feel it !

[[Sk...]]

[move]Coop is 19 Today ... Yippee ...

 

OMG, really ? Wow, Coop, that is so great, think of it, you are one step closer to healing.

 

I have to thank you, you have done so much, worried about others when you were so sick. You are such an example and I do hope your anniversary finds you more serene.

 

Riding Nova's coattails,  by the way,but with my benzo brain, that is a lot.

 

Coop, celebrate this with  a chamomile cocktail !! Live a little ! 

 

A big hug.

[[dr...]]

dentist done...it was just a regular cleaning

 

Headed into one of my funky brain/breathing waves but not panicking today from it.  The worst has passed and I am just waiting for the residuals to fade.  when these hit I come somewhat "retarded".  I don't mean it in a disrespectful way I just can't find the right word when my brain is like this.  I can't focus anything, comprehend, or do anything until it passes.  I presume others get this.  it would be nice if I was home and could just lay there until it passes but this recovery is not so accommodating.

 

thank goodness for spellcheck.

[[Sk...]]

dentist done...it was just a regular cleaning

 

Headed into one of my funky brain/breathing waves but not panicking today from it.  The worst has passed and I am just waiting for the residuals to fade.  when these hit I come somewhat "retarded".  I don't mean it in a disrespectful way I just can't find the right word when my brain is like this.  I can't focus anything, comprehend, or do anything until it passes. I presume others get this.  it would be nice if I was home and could just lay there until it passes but this recovery is not so accommodating.

 

thank goodness for spellcheck.

 

Unfortunately, the word does sound disrespectful but is the only one I can think of. And now, that we are this way, the last thing we want to do is be disrespectful.

 

Drew, I hate that too, and I get it a lot. Hang in there, you will get home soon enough.

 

For me, the evenings are worse from that point of view.

[[No...]]

Well ... so much for endorphins ... the head pressure and ears plugged up and benzo guts gradually made a full blown appearance this afternoon ...

 

Drew ... I know what you mean ... right now my attention will not connect with anything ... just flits one thing to the next ... doing most things in five minute bursts ... quite disconcerting ... and nothing unusual ...

 

 

[[dr...]]

[/img]it is Incapacitated!  That is the word.... :crazy:I can't talk very well, avoid all conversation if I can, and other weird brain stuff.  Apologies to anyone offended

[[be...]]

[/img]it is Incapacitated!  That is the word.... :crazy:I can't talk very well, avoid all conversation if I can, and other weird brain stuff.  Apologies to anyone offended

 

drew, when this happens..and it does quite often..I call it my dummy down day...because my brain is to frozen to think of words past a fourth grade level.

This stuff happens..no apologies needed.....I'm in the same boat today.

[[be...]]

Well ... so much for endorphins ... the head pressure and ears plugged up and benzo guts gradually made a full blown appearance this afternoon ...

 

Drew ... I know what you mean ... right now my attention will not connect with anything ... just flits one thing to the next ... doing most things in five minute bursts ... quite disconcerting ... and nothing unusual ...

 

Sorry Nova, all of this up and down is so very hard. Maybe you'll catch a break later in the day.

[[be...]]

Sky..I need a withdrawal friendly coffee cake...pretty please with a cherry on top.

Oh....how I love coffee cake...love it...a withdrawal friendly coffee cake..music to my eyes.

 

Beulah, coffe anything might be beyond hard for now...  But not for long, don't worry ! 

 

Ahh..it's ok..I understand. I wanted to bake some muffins today since it's still cool here...but it's not going to happen.

We do what we can when we can...the way we roll as of now.