12-18 month support

[[Sk...]]

Marj... muscle tension really hurts. You are so right, knowing that it is temporary doesn't make it hurt less. I find lavender Epsome salts hot bath soak really helps muscle pain and stiffness...it won't make it go away, but it will provide relief for awhile.... You sound really strong in your determination to see it through....you are going to see it to end....Wishing you relief...can you take ibuprofen?....coop

 

 

Muscle tension is awful. I had it in tolerance and acute, there are no words for it.

 

[[...]]

Marj... muscle tension really hurts. You are so right, knowing that it is temporary doesn't make it hurt less. I find lavender Epsome salts hot bath soak really helps muscle pain and stiffness...it won't make it go away, but it will provide relief for awhile.... You sound really strong in your determination to see it through....you are going to see it to end....Wishing you relief...can you take ibuprofen?....coop

 

 

Muscle tension is awful. I had it in tolerance and acute, there are no words for it.

 

 

That's when it started for me too in tolerance before I knew anything about any of this. I keep thinking it's gone and then it comes back. My shoulders and neck and head for that matter are so sore. I can feel the inflammation in my neck and shoulders. I think nova is right that this is where the head pressure comes from.

 

Coop, thanks for advice, I can take ibuprofen but I try not to. Sometimes I have to give in. I use cucummin capsules which are a natural anti inflammatory, they are usually effective, not today. I try to be detrmined, just like everyone, sometimes when the scary thought come I get scared about falling apart, and then it leaves and then it comes back.........

[[Co...]]

Nova...cookies.. they help everything.  What kind?.. sorry about the toxic nap.. but the head pressure is better?...carry on with the cookies.  A perfect day for cookies and tea and an audio book.. maybe a tutorial on lodging legal suits..  ..coop

[[Gr...]]

Hi all...my day was okay.  I'm feeling a bit wonky right now and it should pass soon. I'm getting just weird feelings. Not so much fear/panic but just off in the brain and trouble breathing.ahhh...just able to pinpoint it.  It's like a feeling of foreboding of something terrible.  It's one of those 30-40 minutes waves within my big wave. It hits and it's terrible.  As quick as it comes on it leaves. Wtf is this? The ebb and flow of symptoms each day. . I'm depressed about this tonight. I feel like I won't heal from this...like I'm stuck...I'm also angry right now with all the dr.s who deny this and make us pretend everything is alright.  Having to hide how truly bad I feel a lot of the time. Okay...I'm done venting.    Just so tired of this.

 

Drew, I could have written this today. I've been hit with fatigue also, this withdrawal thing is just exhausting. At work, can hardly concentrate, just trying to breathe and notice the birds singing outside. I'm hanging onto Greens words that it is a wave and will pass.

 

Thanks for the replies about the muscle tension, it really, really helps to be reminded that it is part of this. It's even in my face today - I feel like the tin man!

 

I think Ive mentioned Baylissa's Facebook page before, well there is a link to an article from Beyond Meds  called Emotional dysregulation in plasticity, where some expert (scientist and researcher) said ''those who have the most extreme reactions are actually the most likely to heal and transform. He said that the mere fact that we are so profoundly injured is proof of our highly neuroplastic brains. And while the healing process may sometimes be radical and even violent, that ultimately when we've healed, we've also transformed in profound ways. Indeed this is becoming my experience''.

 

Sorry if this is a bit vague as my brain is concete today.

 

Doesn't make it any easier, just reassuring that it is TEMPORARY. I even feel better typing those words - I must try to do some work

 

Keep going 

 

Marj, thank you so much for this.  "Transformed in profound ways."  I have read so many success stories, where the writer describes those profound changes, and it's usually the ones who suffered terribly.  Eli1111, Eastcoast62, Lostdog.  there are more, but those come to mind.  And, of course, Baylissa.  She has another book, her memoir, where she talks more about her personal experience, and how withdrawal profoundly changed her.

 

Well, this thread should be seeing profound change a'plenty, because there certainly has been a lot of suffering, a lot of tears cried over these posts.

 

Thank you so much for sharing this.

[[Gr...]]

If you consulted your dr on any of those symptoms listed above they'd tell you it was all in your head and prescribe lexapro. 

 

Dats why I don't go to da doctors.  Duh

[[Co...]]

Marj...I know that ' falling apart' fear...and as all my friends here will atest to, I have completely unraveled more than once. It's ok to fall apart, we always glue ourselves back together and keep going..  I also use tumeric , in tea, for inflammation but when it becomes acute then I have to do something else like tylenol which I hate to do...

.....hope you get some rest from it...coop...

[[Gr...]]

Green, wild list of benzo side effects...it is beyond belief that these drugs were ever approved .. and a crime that they are prescribed to use daily ..  Thanks for posting that list it's a great reminder that my physical sx are w/d.

....I am feeling better.. except for anxiety and health fear and mild morning funk things are improving. Having said that, the anxiety and health fears seem overwhelming and persistent. The mini panics and constant hum of anxiety is wearing, but I am beginning to think it might heal by month 24....

..... How are you this morning?.. I will be stepping into month 19 tomorrow...6 more months.. ..it's like the last mIle of a marathon...the worst...and then it's done...sending sunbreaks ....coop

 

Coop, I was thinking about the certain irrational fears we get in withdrawal.  Mine are not health, as I've said before.  I'm more focused on death, where I have to jump out of bed in the middle of the night to make sure my "papers" are easily found by my sons in the morning, and the detailed instructions re my burial.  Or the death of loved ones. Therapy helps with some things, but I'm convinced the fears we get are chemical and irrational and completely disappear when the chemical wave storm passes.  That said, therapy and Baylissa's method of asking is there any possibility this fear isn't true, that has helped me a little, where I suffer a little less from the fear.  but when the wave is strong, I'm not rational.  Hopefully this will start winding down for us.

 

I'm about where you are, got the morning funk, tired, but not exhausted.  And like you, I'm hopeful this will end at some point.

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... had another night of poor sleep and the vibrations thingie ... tried to get more sleep a while ago ... turned toxic ... got up and made cookies ...

 

What the hell ... if I can't get good sleep I can get good cookies ... 

 

Poor sleep, vibrations.  My constant companions.  Are they going to be with us all the way through until the end?

 

Unfortunately, none of this has affected my appetite.  Gimme a cookie.

[[Sk...]]

Good Morning ... had another night of poor sleep and the vibrations thingie ... tried to get more sleep a while ago ... turned toxic ... got up and made cookies ...

 

What the hell ... if I can't get good sleep I can get good cookies ... 

 

Poor sleep, vibrations.  My constant companions.  Are they going to be with us all the way through until the end?

 

Unfortunately, none of this has affected my appetite.  Gimme a cookie.

 

Sue, mr Sky is making ice cream, with almost no sugar and quite healthy, care for some ? We will be trying it later, it's the first time we try.

 

Benzo ice cream..  can you believe it ? 

[[be...]]

Morning all, I had a busy day yesterday..I think I over did it a little. When the symptoms are low I feel the need to get out and live a little, I keep forgetting to take the baby steps while I'm still healing.

Feeling grateful for some good days...with a tinge of bitterness on the bad...gonna be a long day.

 

Hugs.

[[dr...]]

Good Morning ... had another night of poor sleep and the vibrations thingie ... tried to get more sleep a while ago ... turned toxic ... got up and made cookies ...

 

What the hell ... if I can't get good sleep I can get good cookies ... 

 

Poor sleep, vibrations.  My constant companions.  Are they going to be with us all the way through until the end?

 

Unfortunately, none of this has affected my appetite.  Gimme a cookie.

 

Sue, mr Sky is making ice cream, with almost no sugar and quite healthy, care for some ? We will be trying it later, it's the first time we try.

 

Benzo ice cream..  can you believe it ? 

 

I treated myself to ice cream last night too!  I had a grass fed cows milk ice cream from a hipster type of shop.  Salted caramel...yummm

 

 

I'm okay..not great...not good...on the precipice being in this wave and all....I have a meeting at 2pm and my brain has been trying to worry me about it...   I am not "trapped" anywhere Mr. Brain so take your benzo lies and get out of here!!!!     It tried also messing with me on my morning calls.  I just said "screw you and I am making my calls as is what is the worst that can happen...I get a panic on the phone???  I have so many that I can handle it"....

 

Ugh....must admit I am tired of this like everyone else.

[[No...]]

Coop ... regarding the "Rawhide" legal stuff ... I have a call into my friend at The International Court of Justice in the Hague ... should hear back tomorrow ...

 

I figured since we are an international group that would be the place to Sue ...

 

Could mean an all expenses paid trip for us all if they accept my claim ...

 

Hoping to tag on an animal right complaint as well ... driving me to distraction as well as all those "doogies" ...

 

Cookies are available ... will trade for ice cream ...

[[dr...]]

Hi all...I have been having doubts all last night and today this anxiety and thoughts are my old anxiety/panic now that I am off meds.      I never had these looping thoughts like i do now but I did have panic disorder many years ago.  I just don't know which is which.  Sorry to be needy today...this just sucks.  so much self doubt.

[[No...]]

Drew ... for me, "deciding" or "knowing" what is what can be a curious pastime during my recovery ... and ... I will not know what is what until this is over ...

 

My often felt "need to know now", to figure things out right now is not helpful ... most often just seems to add to my stress in the moment ...

 

Making cookies is more productive ... something I can do right now, and the result is right now, and the enjoyment is right now ... 

 

Impatience is one of the banes of my existence during my recovery ... getting my story straight ... knowing what is what ... and the only thing I have figured out is that my story changes day to day, just like the side effects ... the "answers" may or may not come ... and perhaps even they too will change ...

[[je...]]

Hi all...I have been having doubts all last night and today this anxiety and thoughts are my old anxiety/panic now that I am off meds.      I never had these looping thoughts like i do now but I did have panic disorder many years ago.  I just don't know which is which.  Sorry to be needy today...this just sucks.  so much self doubt.

 

 

 

Drew,

I do this constantly too. My anxiety pre benzo was horrible, so whenever I get anxiety I just think that it must be the real me-- yet I get tons of times of utter calm. So what is me and what is w/d? As Nova said we aren't going to know until this is all over, but the good news is we are getting stronger and gaining tools that we might never have developed. Your in a wave right now, so everything is heightened-- it's gonna pass just hang on.

[[Mi...]]

HA HA!  "If I can't get good sleep I can get good cookies".

 

Humor is my only coping device.  Keep em coming Nova! 

[[...]]

Drew, I know it's been said so many times before and from experience I know you just need to hear it again and again and again, because your benzo brain forgets so quickly what we have been either reassured with or were able to reassure ourselves with. Your mind is telling you vicious lies because you are in a wave. You have had some better days and now your back in the dung heap which makes your insecurity worse; who wouldn't feel like after being dangled such relief only to have it snatched away.

I don't believe this is your old panic returning as I really believe going through this makes people conquer their old fears, maybe it's the only way they can. Also I talk to the Bristol Tranquilizer Project and CITA regularly (OMG, I'm so lucky to have them, they are amazing) and they are truly astounded if anyone can go to work through this and that is not taking anything away from the ones who cannot as maybe they can do things we can't. I think you are learning how to beat this anxiety crap once and for all; how could you possibly go through this, all this time otherwise (it's a muscle that is being strengthened). This will pass and that is what I am telling myself now, it's not the old us as we would have shrivelled by now. Stay strong, be proud, you are doing it, we all are. It's just so damn hard 

seriously, so many people give up on this journey, they can't hack it. YOU are doing incredibly well

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi all...I have been having doubts all last night and today this anxiety and thoughts are my old anxiety/panic now that I am off meds.      I never had these looping thoughts like i do now but I did have panic disorder many years ago.  I just don't know which is which.  Sorry to be needy today...this just sucks.  so much self doubt.

 

Drew, this is not your old anxiety. This is not you, this is wd.

 

In fact, you may never have anxiety/panic again after this, because after all you have been through in wd, it will all seem like a joke, considered the tools you have acquired along the way.

 

And just this thought, has me going on and putting up with days like today. It will have  been totally worth it. 

[[dr...]]

Thx all.  I'm overly emotional after the last few days and now have tears in my eyes from all the loving support here.

 

I was jumping out of my skin and was getting so much anxiety about an upcoming appointment that I just had it.  I went to the gym at lunch and said f&$k it...I'm exercising hard to work this out like taking a dog to the park.  I felt like I could die but I didn't care.  It worked for the most part.  I then went to my meeting and my anxiety spiked up but I wasn't going anywhere.  After thirty minutes it settled down. I got called on to go over a proprosal and I had trouble breathing but I pushed through and after a minute of shakiness I did great.  All my anxiety receded. This is my exposure therapy and it was a big boost to my confidence.  I faced my biggest current fear after my last meeting put me in the ER.  Thank you all again and I'm going to say to my self"I'm proud of me right now and everyone on this thread".  :smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... had another night of poor sleep and the vibrations thingie ... tried to get more sleep a while ago ... turned toxic ... got up and made cookies ...

 

What the hell ... if I can't get good sleep I can get good cookies ... 

 

Poor sleep, vibrations.  My constant companions.  Are they going to be with us all the way through until the end?

 

Unfortunately, none of this has affected my appetite.  Gimme a cookie.

 

Sue, mr Sky is making ice cream, with almost no sugar and quite healthy, care for some ? We will be trying it later, it's the first time we try.

 

Benzo ice cream..  can you believe it ? 

 

He's making ice cream?  And he stayed with you throughout withdrawal?  OMG, Sky, that's a keeper.  I remember being similarly impressed when you posted he made his own pasta.  I was like man, oh, man, how great is that!

[[Gr...]]

Coop ... regarding the "Rawhide" legal stuff ... I have a call into my friend at The International Court of Justice in the Hague ... should hear back tomorrow ...

 

I figured since we are an international group that would be the place to Sue ...

 

Could mean an all expenses paid trip for us all if they accept my claim ...

 

Hoping to tag on an animal right complaint as well ... driving me to distraction as well as all those "doogies" ...

 

Cookies are available ... will trade for ice cream ...

 

Nova, Coop is a witness for the defense.  Please do not influence my witnesses, nor try to bribe them with good cooking and snacks.

 

Wait, what are doogies?  doggies?  lol

 

If we're going to the Hague, we have to sue Big Pharma. 

[[Gr...]]

Thx all.  I'm overly emotional after the last few days and now have tears in my eyes from all the loving support here.

 

I was jumping out of my skin and was getting so much anxiety about an upcoming appointment that I just had it.  I went to the gym at lunch and said f&$k it...I'm exercising hard to work this out like taking a dog to the park.  I felt like I could die but I didn't care.  It worked for the most part.  I then went to my meeting and my anxiety spiked up but I wasn't going anywhere.  After thirty minutes it settled down. I got called on to go over a proprosal and I had trouble breathing but I pushed through and after a minute of shakiness I did great.  All my anxiety receded. This is my exposure therapy and it was a big boost to my confidence.  I faced my biggest current fear after my last meeting put me in the ER.  Thank you all again and I'm going to say to my self"I'm proud of me right now and everyone on this thread".  :smitten:

 

Drew, I'm proud of you, too.  Good for you

[[He...]]

Thx all.  I'm overly emotional after the last few days and now have tears in my eyes from all the loving support here.

 

I was jumping out of my skin and was getting so much anxiety about an upcoming appointment that I just had it.  I went to the gym at lunch and said f&$k it...I'm exercising hard to work this out like taking a dog to the park.  I felt like I could die but I didn't care.  It worked for the most part.  I then went to my meeting and my anxiety spiked up but I wasn't going anywhere.  After thirty minutes it settled down. I got called on to go over a proprosal and I had trouble breathing but I pushed through and after a minute of shakiness I did great.  All my anxiety receded. This is my exposure therapy and it was a big boost to my confidence.  I faced my biggest current fear after my last meeting put me in the ER.  Thank you all again and I'm going to say to my self"I'm proud of me right now and everyone on this thread".  :smitten:

GREAT job Drew!!! I agree with everyone who said it's NOT your anxiety coming back.  I really think that we learn SO much about ourselves and our ability to cope through adversity throughout this healing process that a normal anxiety disorder will be a piece of cake once we are healed.

[[re...]]

Thanks Coop

          I was prescribed a beta blocker also when I got my first tachycardia episode but did use them all since July last year ,unless the heart palps which came after the tachycardia stopped in Dec.

But like mentioned before thought tachycardia were over with but got one about a week ago.

    FYI for those that get heart palps, skipped heart beats,potassium glutenate helps a bit.

Well the urine and blood tests all okay.  But of course !  But got some peace of mind that my sodium and glucose levels normal..  Low sodium levels can affect people in summer .  Well the United Heath care kept sending me memos that 50 % of adults over 65 get diabetes.  So the blood tests cleared that up.    So again the mysteries of benzo wed sxs keep our weakened brains in a flux with new " I wonder what this new pain is " moments .    Bites !

    Thanks for sharing.    One day at a time  !

    But yea,good idea ,Coop ,just realize where we were a year ago,it makes the present woes seem like cake.  For some of us anyhowsen . 

    We shall over come !

Hang in there Drew and thanks

              aj

                  <><

 

               

 

[[He...]]

Hi everyone!

I've been following the thread quite a bit and I'm sorry that so many are in the soup. I really hate that this is such a long process! It DOES get better, though. I just realized that I am 23 months and 3 days benzo free now! Funny how I didn't even pay attention to hitting the 23 month mark. This nightmare is losing its teeth, even though I've been back in some soup myself. I've got the body aches and the chest anxiety going on this past week, but the soup, which used to be at a rolling boil, is now simply simmering. It's still not fun, but I would have been thrilled 6 months ago if THIS is all I felt. 

 

School is almost done for another year. Thursday is the last day with kids. Wow! This year has gone so fast and has been much more positive than not....especially the past 5 months. I know things will continue to get better. I am confident that "the squeezes" will completely fade away at some point.

 

I know that you will completely heal, too. It's coming for all of us.