12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Marj ... with loving kindness, I knead the heck out of the bread dough if I am in the mood ... 

 

And yes, stiff and sore muscles and tendons and fascia from time to time ... with some nerve firing in arms and legs thrown in to keep things interesting ... my stuff seems to be mostly focussed in my neck of late ... big knots show up ... and the tension runs over the scalp ... for me, I feel that is where the head pressure is generated ... and sometimes the sinus pathways will kick in to add a little spice ...

 

I cannot wait to make a pecan pie ... won't do it yet, I may not come back from that trip over the moon ... 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Green,.. yet another 'me too'...adoptive moms..  what a joy isn't it....how are you doing sx sister? Did you get out to a show?... hope your month 18 wave is rolling out.  We are due some better days....and they are coming.....can't be too soon ......have a goid day Green...love to you...coop

 

Yes, Coop, the bad 18m wave is rolling out.  I feel a little chewed up right now, though, lol.  Still, as you say, I'll take it!

 

A good day and love to U2!

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... miserable day yesterday ... and a miserable night ... the physical stuff cycling back and forth ... all the usual culprits ...

 

Just tagging along and trying to stay slow and not get too mentally tangled up ... this is tough for all of us ... and it is perhaps not as "crazy" as months past ...

 

Hanging onto the thought that this is my healing life right now ... it is what it is until it isn't ... 

 

Nova, that's a very good post, and apropos of everything today.  I'm hanging on to "perhaps not as crazy as months past."  I will take any form of even minor relief.  I cannot ride on that crazy train no more!

[[Gr...]]

Jenny, I know maNY people who have babies in thier 40s. A very good friend of mine had her second son at age 44...I think they had a little infertility assist, but not the complicated hoopty-do stuff....As for me, I was unable to conceive a second child at 42...My daughter is adopted...I often forget that she is adopted. We had a lovely birth mother choose us as adoptive parents. We have had a very successful open adoption. My daughter has had a loving free flowing relationship with both of her  birth parents....and both sets of birth grandparents. It wouldn't work for everyone, but it just happened that everyone involved wanted what was best for our daughter and was mature enough to stay focused on that. We adopted her at birth...although we were not at the birth, I have always felt that the birth of a child is sacred and belongs singularly to that mother and child. We waited 3 days ( with bated breath) to give our daughter and her birth mother time to settle. We took a 6 week moritrium in which we requested private time to get our feet on the ground and bond with a newborn ( my son was 13 at the time)....It took some initial work and a little counseling ( her birth mother was only 16 as well as the birth father)...and one set of birth grandparents were grieving because they wanted to adopt her, but her very mature and brave birthmother did not want it to go that way. We have never been sorry, our daughter grew up with so many people who love her ( although we were always very clear in our boundaries about parenting and setting the ground rules). ....It truly made some of the psychological challenges of being an adopted child easier for our girl.  She is all grown up now and still has close relationships with her birth families....especially the birth mother and birth mother's parents. It is uncanny how alike she is to the birth mother's mother...I can easily see striking personality similarities...truly much of our personalities are genetic...

....Well, that was long...and totally off topic...really fun to write about something besides sx and w/d

....I hope you conceive another child...babies rock...and make our lives sweet and hopeful and sacred....

.....How are you doing ? ...I am low and slow today ...just barely holding my own...but hanging on...coop

 

Coop, I join Jenny in saying, what a beautiful story!  My boys were also both adopted at birth

 

Sue, thanks for reposting this, I had overlooked it, it's a beautiful post, full of hope. 

 

Coop, thanks for sharing with us this truly beautiful experience. 

 

[[dr...]]

fantastic news Green!!!

 

Coop-you are pulling out of this...

 

Good morning fellow sufferers....I am not in the soup to the same degree as I was on Saturday and the previous week. I am hoping this week old wave is fading but it is still early and I feel I am a hair trigger away from being thrown back into it.  No use "what iffing"because whatever I get thrown at me I will handle.  As we all do     I am still at the point in my wave where an errant thought can drop my stomach and give me a bit of adrenaline.  It's the over active CNS.  No more napping for me as that toxic nap sucked big time.  Took me the rest of the night to get back to an okay space. 

 

Carry on my friends.

[[Gr...]]

Sig.  Yep, the sleep thing seems to forecast what the day will be like....I am really glad to hear that it is working it's way back to some predictibility. It sounds like that is your one lingering bad sx....you've got this....Wishing you a good day with sunbreaks.....coop

 

Thanks Coop! I'm taking a rare day of working from home. Tried more magnesium and theanine this week-end and it was no bueno for me I think. I still didn't sleep and it makes me feel worse than I normally do when I don't sleep. Even though I strangely average 8-10 hours the nights I do sleep, I only get light sleep if any (alpha sleep or micro sleeps) on my off nights. It's just as bizarre as it can be. I would rather do a steady 5 each night than what I am doing.

 

It's great that you adopted. The wife and I have been trying to have a baby for about 3 years now with no luck. We were planning on trying some fertilization treatments, but then I'm stuck in the middle of this garbage.

 

Sig, I agree, nothing works when insomnia is acting up, you're right, it's almost better to take nothing.  Be patient and accept it as best you can.  It really does pass.  I know fighting it and worrying about it, has always made it even worse for me.  Easy for me to say, I didn't have to get up for work, I was always able to catch a couple of hours in the early morning.  But hang on, it does get better. 

[[Gr...]]

Nova...you're cooking!..  now I know things are lifting up for you...and designing a rug.  Nova, I am so glad to hear this.. carry on dear friend....and love to you.  coop...

 

Yes, Nova, Coop is right.  And that's where I am, too.  Really not feeling fabulous at all!  but able to push into motion and get some things done.

 

Designing the rug, that's good, that's a sign of something good.

 

I'm hearing "Rawhide"  rolling, rolling, rolling....

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm still in the same wavy boat as everyone else. Back at work after week off and just had to work through a near panic attack. My first in ages and all because of a comment a colleague made that sent my thoughts spiralling out of control.

 

Coop, I must say that I can hear strength in your posts. You are getting there, you just can't see it. you are going to be ok - better

 

Nova, do you take your frustration out on the bread dough? I'm going to make a Key Lime Pie when I get home for work colleagues - not me, I can't take the sugar.

 

Can I ask if anyone elses muscles feel semi stiff sometimes and just really sore? It's misery making

 

Marj,

Just looked at your signature.  You're 14 months?

Yes, those semi stiff muscles.  Kind of like they've been ironed with starch?  And when they graduate from semi stiff to stiff, it feels like rigor has set in :'(  Yes, it's common.  I remember the first time I felt the rigor muscles, and I was so shocked, like what's happening?  Now we kind of take it in stride.  We probably each deal with 40 symptoms a day that would send any mere mortal running to an ER.  And we deal with it.  That's why when this is over, you're going to have a spine of titanium, as Baylissa says, we all are.  And stupid coworker comments?  you'll be like, oh, were you talking to me?  it won't even register.  I'm actually seeing a little of that now.  when we suffer this much, healing is never, ever sweating the small stuff again.

[[Gr...]]

Hello, All

 

I'm not as good as Nova, lol, not designing anything, but I am going to take a walk and rustle up something for dinner.  something easy.  salsa chicken and Spanish rice.  a walk.  some light cleaning in the house, organizing. 

 

so have the best day possible.

 

Yes, I agree with Marj, Coop, you are sounding very strong, I hear the healing.

[[Co...]]

Green,.. you sound GOOD..salsa chicken and rice...yum...ok now you and Nova have me wondering what to make for dinner...maybe salmon and baked potato...

....enjoy your better day Green...

[[No...]]

Green ... I am going to sue ... no pun intended ... can't get "rawhide" out of my head ... 

 

Glad you are feeling chipper ... I am doing "okay" ... running about a 4 on the "benzo-richter" scale ...

[[Co...]]

Drew,...yep, a hair trigger away from getting caught in the undertow...but holding my own...and the same,....an errant thought or a medical word and I am slipping down the slope...but really working on runaway thoughts. . It is just as easy to think positive and just as likely that anything that I feel in my body is normal or w/d. I tell myself that I am doing all that I can to stay healthy ..  which is the best that we can do...

  The errent thoughts and trigger words....catching myself before I get triggered....

......You sound like you are coming back from last week.. very glad to hear it....What are you cooking for dinner tonight?.. ..coop

[[dr...]]

Sesame crusted seared ahi...

[[Sk...]]

Green ... I am going to sue ... no pun intended ... can't get "rawhide" out of my head ... 

 

Glad you are feeling chipper ... I am doing "okay" ... running about a 4 on the "benzo-richter" scale ...

 

Ah, the scary days of music looping  in our heads are still with us, I see. 

 

THe worst is when it happens with a really good  song !

[[Co...]]

Marj, I had a bout of stiff painful muscles. ...all over my body in month 13...it lasted about 10 days and got better,but continues to come and go infrequently.. You sound strong and rational ...you've got this. 

... the work mate. ..don't give her any space in your head.. coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi Coop ... windy, rainy, and cool around here for a couple of days ... staying inside ...

 

Got the head pressure stuff and anxiety ... medium grade ... and the bloaty benzo belly ...

 

Made some meatballs and going to do a loaf a bread shortly ...

 

Distracting with designing a rug pattern and cutting yarn ... listening to an audiobook ...

 

Sounds like you are having a quiet morning ...

 

You do sound great, Nova.

 

I still can't be trusted anywhere near a kitchen, but then, cooking was never ever my thing. Can't wait to make up for that.

 

I do remember, how sick my eating was in tolerance, in the last period. I didn't really care about food, and I ate soooo slowly. Now, I can see it was manic.

 

Must have been my way of reacting to the medication, who knows ?

 

THere is a nice atmosphere here on the thread for most you guys, I am happy to see that. Heal on. 

[[No...]]

Drew ... good to hear things are leveling off for you ... enjoy your day ...

[[No...]]

Sky ... for me ... the kitchen as distraction ... and I only do simple food things ... anything too "mysterious" and I can get into a stress state, so I avoid those things ...

 

Hope you have a quiet evening ... 

[[Co...]]

Drew, Nova and Green...you guys don't mess around when it comes to whipping up dinner.  It all sounds so good...Pecan pie pie sounds like a craving coming along

...looping Rawhide songs and pecan pie cravings...I will take it.. better than looping health fears.  .  coop

[[je...]]

You guys sound good today!

Marij, I got whole body muscle pain and stiffness in month 15/16, it was very painful but it will go away.

 

I feel like I might be finally coming out of this funk that I've been in for months.. I still don't feel good, but not as bad as I've been feeling. I keep getting these weird brain sensations, like tingling- it feels very weird..

[[dr...]]

You guys sound good today!

Marij, I got whole body muscle pain and stiffness in month 15/16, it was very painful but it will go away.

 

I feel like I might be finally coming out of this funk that I've been in for months.. I still don't feel good, but not as bad as I've been feeling. I keep getting these weird brain sensations, like tingling- it feels very weird..

 

Jenny-I am the king of weird brains and head sensations...I get a rolling tingling over my head that starts above my neck, head pains and pressure that feels like someone is pushing on differnent spots of my skull, and other odd stuff...I empathize

[[je...]]

Drew-- you just described my sx to a tee. Rolling tingling all over the back part of my brain.. I would love to know what the heck is going on up there?? Please, please, please let it be major healing. Thanks Drew 

[[Co...]]

Jenny.  .so happy to hear this...you have waited way to long for this to come along....Wishing you a wide open window... coop

[[Mi...]]

Finally got the rain we so desperately needed, Nova.  We're both part of the same NEast system it appears.  My eyes and throat haven't felt irritated since Saturday.  Very happy about the pollen being driven into the ground.  The negative is, felt pretty depressed today being stuck inside watching movies and doing housework.  I can't stand being inside.  One more day of boredom/rain tomorrow it looks like.  Can't wait to start walking again Wednesday and doing yard stuff.  Did about 15 miles last week, lost 7 pounds.  Eight more to go till I reach my 205 summer goal.  (that's the number that means all my summertime gear will fit, haha)

 

Besides that stale jib-jab not a whole lot to report.  Just sorta checking in and letting you know I still lurk here in silence almost everyday.  For the last week or more I've been dealing with two or three things.  1. Head to toe muscle aches that come and go whenever they want.  (taking walks makes the tension pain go away within 10 minutes)  2. Some anxiety.  3.  A really depressing faux baseline (I guess you could call it)  that seems to hover around 55%.....which at this point is very taxing mentally.

 

On a positive note, the chest tightness and golf ball in my throat feeling is gone.  No sensation makes me feel more uneasy than hampered breathing and swallowing.

 

I guess that's it.  I'll be lurking if you need me.  Everyone, please have a good night of great uninterrupted sleep, that's my wish for you all.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...my day was okay.  I'm feeling a bit wonky right now and it should pass soon. I'm getting just weird feelings. Not so much fear/panic but just off in the brain and trouble breathing.ahhh...just able to pinpoint it.  It's like a feeling of foreboding of something terrible.  It's one of those 30-40 minutes waves within my big wave. It hits and it's terrible.  As quick as it comes on it leaves. Wtf is this? The ebb and flow of symptoms each day. . I'm depressed about this tonight. I feel like I won't heal from this...like I'm stuck...I'm also angry right now with all the dr.s who deny this and make us pretend everything is alright.  Having to hide how truly bad I feel a lot of the time. Okay...I'm done venting.    Just so tired of this.