12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

Spunky's story is a good read.  Thx

[[Mo...]]

Hello Dear Friends,

I wanted to jump on and see if anyone suffers painful tongue??  I remember having it last year, but it's come back and all the bumps at the back of my tongue are raised.

 

Of course I panicked and looked it up.  Ugh bad idea.

 

Coop: Yes, health fears can still send reeling.  We get used to ignoring our suffering and then this far out we start asking questions again.  I just had a treadmill test because I still get chest pain.  I am slowly better in someways but not progressing in other ways.  Can't get a hold of the food. It's like I've traded addictions and oh the misery if I feel hunger. 

 

Jenny and Drew:  I had my first child at 39 and 43 when I had my 2nd.  My sister had her first at 44.  I can get pregnant daydreaming about it, but after my first child my eggs were too old.  I had a few miscarriages and then did an infertility treatment to boost my egg growth.  First try worked and I have the little monkey laying next to me right now.  You definitely have time.  My sis did not use any IVF but did suffer a miscarriage and then was pregnant a few months later.  Our boys are 6 months apart. 

 

My OB started scaring me at the age of 35 saying my odds of getting pregnant were slim.. Ha!  Of course, it helped that hubbies swimmers were an impressive number.  The nurses in the IVF department pretty much high fived us.  Lol

 

I still go to counseling every 2 weeks but it's mostly to deal with the normal stress of raising a family. 

 

I can get plunged into s/x now and then needing reassurance from my loved ones.  I don't get up before I've had all my sleep and I don't go to bed until I'm tired.  The funky rarely visits anymore.

 

Okay, the little guy is having trouble sleeping.  Need to go

 

Hugs to you all.

MommyR

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone

[[Sk...]]

Coop ... I enjoy soup when it is in me ... not so much when I am in it ... 

 

Salad days are here again ... this year's greens and stuff have arrived at the market ... gonna switch to rabbit mode ... 

 

In my case, it might be better to switch to hamster mode, they eat a lot of greens as well  ! 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... again, not so good today ... we got everything done that we wanted to ... and it is turning chilly and windy and will get wet later today ... so ... hanging out ... another day of the healing life ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova...we are getting g rained on here big time...yep...another day of the healing life..  carry on dear friend... .coop

[[Sk...]]

Sky.  It is really hard to do this without BB support....I would not be where I am in w/d without BBs...We are all here for you, but like you say, we are on the wrong side of the moon . You cam pm me any time....I am awake throughout the night.

. Really sorry to hear that fear and intrusive gloom was bobbing around above your head..  It's so suffocating ...fear and gloom...Yes, I get on here and cry and rant and worry and wail.  My daughter is only 22 and I don't want her to remember her wedding planning as difficult and sad because her mother was flat out crazed. I figure there are tons of people on BBs ...enough to spread my misery over....rather than scare my girl...and burn her our with a bunch of w/d misery.

....you are so strong, you never seem to waiver even in long waves... even though you can't be on more during the week, we are supporting you every day..  ..love to you Sky..  coop

 

 

Coop,

If your daughter is only 22 then you had her at 43? This gives me a little hope as I'm 40 years old and still want another child. Another thing benzos has robbed from me... Deep down I'm still hopeful that i will heal and still have a chance before I get too old.

 

Unfortunately, I have this concern as well, but as I am 43, I do think my ship has sailed. Never say never, of course, but it's hard for me to even imagine trying to have a child any time soon. Especially since I have been destroyed financially as well by wd, sorry if I moan about that all the time !   

 

I feel bad about that, in earlier wd, I used to obsess about it and really beat myself up. Now, I am sad about it and hope to be able to adopt, but I am afraid there is an age limit on that as well .

 

Today is rather bad, it's my wavy day, but what worries me is the head pain. Now it's better, but earlier it was crippling.

 

 

Heal on everybody. 

[[No...]]

Coop ... looks like we are in for three or four days of rain ... and we need it ... good long showers ...

 

I have the big head pressure going on today ... has graduated from lousy to miserable ...

 

Hope you are doing okay ... 

[[No...]]

Sky ... hope the head stuff clears up for you ... I have the knots in my neck and shoulders and up over the scalp ... no fun today ...

 

Hope you have a quiet evening ... 

[[Sk...]]

Sky ... hope the head stuff clears up for you ... I have the knots in my neck and shoulders and up over the scalp ... no fun today ...

 

Hope you have a quiet evening ... 

 

Do you just wait them out ? with my head pressure, I am afraid of doing anything unless it becomes really unbearable and these days that means a very high level of tolerance...

[[be...]]

Hi all..getting hit with rain here also...with thunder and lightning..temps are dropping and the high tomm. will be in the 60's, then back to the 70's and 80's.

 

I had a nice time at the picnic yesterday..maybe a window..symptoms were low and I felt normal..ahh..love that feeling.

Today will be a rest day..symptoms are still low but I'm very tired from all of the stimulus.

 

Hope you all have a restful and peaceful Sunday.

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  Listen to you girlie!..." I felt normal"..  yes yes and yes.. so happy happy for you...What an encouraging post...we are all hanging on to it today.  Thank you for taking time out of your good day to send us an update of hope.

...I actually slept normal last night...and my morning sx are still on the yukky anxious obssessive thought side of things, but I am managing them better.. Probably a low slow day here but manageable...I guess I will take that and be happy with it if it's the best that is offered. Trying to stay focused on wellness and what is the very best I can do with this day...it might be walking the dog, staying out of bed, reining in my runaway thoughts, doing some meditation and relaxation bteathing....distracting and not for using on sx.  And putting food in my mouth..

. .Beulah, you have the same weather forcast as I do.  I live in the Pacific NW.. in Spokane ( Seattle's sister of  lesser god.  But we have our charm too) 

....Wishing you another...and another.. and another ... .normal happy day/s..  .coop

[[La...]]

Beulah.  Listen to you girlie!..." I felt normal"..  yes yes and yes.. so happy happy for you...What an encouraging post...we are all hanging on to it today.  Thank you for taking time out of your good day to send us an update of hope.

...I actually slept normal last night...and my morning sx are still on the yukky anxious obssessive thought side of things, but I am managing them better.. Probably a low slow day here but manageable...I guess I will take that and be happy with it if it's the best that is offered. Trying to stay focused on wellness and what is the very best I can do with this day...it might be walking the dog, staying out of bed, reining in my runaway thoughts, doing some meditation and relaxation bteathing....distracting and not for using on sx.  And putting food in my mouth..

. .Beulah, you have the same weather forcast as I do.  I live in the Pacific NW.. in Spokane ( Seattle's sister of  lesser god.  But we have our charm too) 

....Wishing you another...and another.. and another ... .normal happy day/s..  .coop

 

Hi Coop:

 

Glad you slept normally, last night. So did I. It makes things better, on average.

 

I've always been fascinated with WA, especially the differences between the western and eastern part of the state. Didnt know you lived in Spokane,how do you like it there? Any thoughts?

 

Best wishes.

 

laser

[[Co...]]

Hi Laser... well I grew up in Spokane but have lived in Princeton, Anchorage, Seattle and Cda Idaho.  My favorite city is Madison Wisc...but the political climate there right now is such a shame. I do like Spokane...after wandering around a bit and figuring out I would never be rich enough to live in Sasilito I came back home to raise my family. I got a late start ..having my first child at 30. Spokane is more conservative than I am .. being the Bernie Sanders socialist that I am, but there are pockets if progressive activists and endeavors to attach to ...in my before benzo life I was more active in progressive education activism.. once a hippie girl always a hippie girl...just a little more grounded and slightly jaded now. Spokane is dry but beautiful We don't get drenched every day in grey rain... Very good for outdoor enthusiasts. ..hikink, boating, skiing , climbing.. you name it. I did love raising my kids here and have developed friendships of 50 years. We just raised the minimum wage to 15$ /hr.  Thanks to the intense progressive Seattle vibes that pushed us in that direction...that made me happy for my city...

....Laser...how are you doing?...I hope you are seeing good healing and many sunbreaks.. ..coop

[[No...]]

Sky ... I just wait the knots out ... I use some arnica cream on my neck ... sometimes it helps, sometimes not ...

[[Co...]]

Nova.. sorry to hear the head pressure is dogging you today.. does anything relieve it even a little?.  .. I want to see us all writing posts like  Beulah's... I am thinking of you Nova, glad you have Mrs. Nova hanging out with you today to help you get shored up for your big rain...it's always a little easier with a friend/wife/husband/ buddy to walk with along this mountain road..  love to you Nova.....coop

[[pe...]]

Depression, anyone? Just wondering. I'm feeling like this is one of those symptoms for me that makes me think, maybe I should do/ take something for this? Maybe this symptom is just me. And then my husband shakes his head and says, no, no, no. But it stinks to feel depressed and on tv they make it seem like an easy thing to fix. 

 

MommyR,

Hi there. I'm glad for the improvements and sorry for the symptoms. We're not there yet either. I did not have a bumpy tongue related to wd but I've had it in the past maybe related to a virus and it's always gone away. We do know that weird things happen in wd and nothing surprises me anymore.

 

Beulah,

It is nice to hear you having those nice picnic days. Keep 'em coming!

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Peace, I know.  I want the tv version of overcoming anxiety. Then I listen to the arm length long list of possible side effects of the magic medications and I wonder how they ever got approved.  Yet if there was something safe for anxiety I wonder if I would sign up .  I am hoping therapy will help me get the rest of the way.  We have come a very long way..I am holding on to Beulah's post today...

.....It is good to see you here this morning, although I wish you were not under the shadow of depression....coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi everybody, today is really bad and I am really struggling.

 

I have had a variety of new symptoms today but what is worse, is that distracting does not seem to be working, I seem to be beyond that.

And my thoughts are all wrong, oh well, the list is long, I shouldn't even start it. I am so tired, but we have done so much, we are almost there. It's that almost that is getting hard to bear. But it's really worth it.

 

I  have to understand, and I do forget it often, this is not the rest of my life. It isn't.

 

I am still sick and I have to quit comparing myself to other people who are not sick. It is easy to forget all this, I have been sick for so long.

I am quite functional but this is not me, and never will be.  I am being unfair to myself and to my loved ones, when I forget that I am sick.

 

So, I am going to bathe, in an attempt to distract a little and then crawl to bed.

 

Peace, sorry you are still struggling so much with depression, but your husband is right.  Nice to see you around. Hang in there.

I had 12 hours of depression just  a day ago and it was horrible. I thought so many crazy things, it was like having a cloud over my head. I don't know how people who have this for longer, I don't know how they do it. To not have the hope driving you, how can you fight the symptoms without the hope ?

 

What you are going through is really hard.

 

Bye everybody, off to bathe and bed, hoping that tomorrow will be  better, or more bearable.

 

Happy healing.

[[dr...]]

Sky...hang in there. That was me yesterday.  Unrelenting waves of panic, head stuff, and everything else crappy.  Today, while not out of the woods I am way better. I woke up at 5am and had no ear hissing which is a good sign. I went to rehearsal and while my head feels like a pressure balloon no bad anxiety or panic.  Yay!

[[pe...]]

Hi Sky,

Sorry it's so hard. You know it's bad when distractions don't even work. But like you said, we just have to keep going and remember that we are still healing. The hopeless depression is really the worst symptom for me. We all need a little sliver of hope to get through this. I'm hanging on by just that, a sliver. Trying to remember that I used to be a happy person.

 

Hope you sleep well and get a break tomorrow. I'm hoping we're all closer than we seem to be. Hugs to you.

Peace2

[[dr...]]

I spoke to soon....I fell asleep for forty mi Utes and woke up from a toxic nap.  Major cortisol rush and fear.  Brain weird again. Soaking in jet tub and waiting for this to lessen.  This def ain't in my mind or old anxiety coming back

[[Co...]]

Oh, Drew....that stinks...I just hate to hear this...is the hot soak helping at all?....How was your anxiety up until then?...same head sensations as you have been experiencing?...

....Anxiety is such torture. I realized today that if not for my anxiety 90% of my sx are almost gone....but what a huge IF.  My anxiety is about 1000x more intense than at any other time of this w/d.  It lasts for hours and consumes my thinking...I want at least 100 medical tests...yada yada yada.  I can't wait for therapy. 

.....My heart goes out to you Drew...I really do know the lightening speed of physical sx to full blown panic.. it is happening to me at least once a day since the breathing/coughing thing and trips to the doctor's office.  I am thinking of you... hope this passes ....coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-this one passed pretty quick. It was very uncomfortable but I know it's all withdrawal.  Once the onslaught of the chemical fear passed I was able to use the rational mind and just tell myself it'll be a bit before my body works out all the adrenaline so be one with it. It sucked though. You know the drill. Toxic naps are common here. 

 

When I did wake from it my right ear was making some weird clicking noises along w everything else. I think when that ear doesn't hiss or do anything weird I'll be healed. 

 

I also read frequently that anxiety, dr, tinnitus, are the last to truly leave us before we are healed.  That would make sense as many of our other stuff has lessened or disappeared. Not sure why I feel optimistic

 

I'm off to make bbq scallops w butter/garlic snails.  How you coop?

[[Co...]]

Drew, Beulah mentioned a clicking ear a few days ago. Glad to hear that the worst of it has blown over.  Your dinner sounds delicious as usual.  I had a scrambled egg sandwhich.  I gave half of it to the dog.. he loved it..  enjoy your scallops....coop

[[Si...]]

Hi drew enjoy your dinner. Sounds good! I had Halibut, Cous Cous and Green Beans.

 

I didn't sleep at all Friday night and felt terrible yesterday. Slept last night for 10 hours though. Probably way too much and tonight will have to see how it goes. My teeth are killing me on the right side. I've put off going to the dentist for too long. This withdrawal has made it worse. Dry mouth and grinding my teeth. Looks like I'll have to go this week, but of course really don't want to. I never had much worry about the dentist before, but now I'm freaked out by what the meds they may use. Anyway hope everyone else may have a good night.