12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

http://rs65.pbsrc.com/albums/h235/Ignwar/Album%20Flowers/BirdofParadiseHawaii.jpg~320x480

 

Sky, Happy 19th Anniversary!

[[Gr...]]

Beulah, I think I don't trust it as healing is because I have beentricked too many times.  A string of good days followed by slamming waves. .. I am trying to just live each day as it presents itself  .. if I heal...how wonderful that would be.. if not I will be grateful for my life and do the best that I can by it each day.  I guess that sounds a little jaded...I think I have developed a little cynacism.  I found a therapist who will take my insurance, I have an appointment in 3 weeks.. I sorta want to quit ' working ' on my life and just live my life with all of its discomforts, fears, pain and flaws...and continue to be happy for the really good days that come along. 

...coop

 

I agree, Coop.  I know I'm healing, I'm aware of how much better I am, mentally, anyway, but the severity of the waves and the shortness of the windows makes it very, very hard to stay grateful and hopeful.  And believe me, I work very hard on being positive.  But when those seriously bad waves hit, no matter if healing is going on, you still have to get through them.  And they go on for a long freaking time!  And this is me talking after a few better days, where I'm up and around, I'm not depressed, I'm not having really bad symptoms, so I'm speaking from a good place.  The waves have been very, very hard, and with such short windows I just can't hack it.

God, I feel like a labor leader demanding better working conditions!  better withdrawal conditions!  Yeah, man, if I don't get longer windows I'm pulling my guys out of here!  Going on strike!

[[be...]]

Thinking about summers in w/d...The first summer I was completely bed bound....last summer I was doing stuff but pretty limited..  As bad as things have been the last 2 months I have to say that I am doing more ...my sx are far more mental than last summer,but not as bad as the summer I spent in acute..  I had a lot of cog fog and head pressure .. moderate health fears all day, but things seem to be leveling this evening

..hope everyone is holding on ...coop

 

Glad you're feeling a bit better. I didn't have this much anxiety last summer..but I think I had more waves.

Today had been total weirdness for me. I was just sitting here this morning and my throat started burning and then it hurt for about ten minutes and left..but the burn stayed..then my ear started clicking inside...then my blood pressure went high..had to take a blood pressure pill..first time my blood pressure has been high in two yrs. of course my heart had to jump in and pound away and muscle spasms all day..this was all so crazy..I still have some of it...but better.

 

Still holding on.

[[Gr...]]

So did anyone get hit ridiculously hard in the 15-16 month range?  Cause, since about 3 weeks ago, I just keep getting worse and worse as the days go on.  I have so much muscle tension in my upper body my dentist wants me to get a bite guard because he thinks it is what is causing my headaches.  Hoping for a break soon.  I need it bad!

 

Yes, Aqua, the answer to your question is yes!  But we're all healing, we're all getting better.  A day at a time.

[[Gr...]]

Lots of great posts, wish I could comment on them all buty memory is crap.

 

Nova-- sorry your still having a rough day, feel better

Coop-- great news that you got to enjoy a day with your daughter, and yes I think you are learning to accept a bit more -- not "working" on your life but just taking each day as it comes.

Drew-- sorry your in the soup, and yes I do think gluten could be the cause. I know for me ive developed more food sensitivities and I know my body well enough to know that sometimes there actually is a cause to my wave. Just go back to your regular eating habits and I'm sure you'll start to feel better.

Green-- are you feeling any better? Thanks for posting that article, I sure hope he's right about the anxiety going away after healing.

 

Hi Mrs! We miss you

 

I'm sure I missed someone, but hope your all doing well today. I would feel pretty good if it wasn't for this head pressure, its really bugging me! Love all of you, jenny

 

Jenny, I think he is right.  I've heard so many success stories where people say they just don't have the same anxiety.  I think a bad withdrawal, like most of us here have had, leaves us changed, in good ways.  They know so little about what these drugs do to us.  I know the experience sure has changed me.  I'm definitely not the same person I was before this!  In a good way.  Now if I could lose the waves....

[[Gr...]]

Thanks for the welcome Coop and Beulah

    The surprise upset stomach issues,sometimes feeling like a UTI and upset ,nauseous stomach freaked me out so much I saw my PC Dr yesterday.I didn't mention benzo as he blew me off last summer and wanted to put me on SSRI .i of course ripped up the script.

  I explained sxs  and they cheched urine,cause I mentioned sxs similar to UTI and he did a manual gut check and of course nothing conclusive.Blood being checked also wants me back in two weeks cause with all the heat here in central jersey and new WD SXS , BP went out of whack 168/90,two days ago it was 121/71. 

  At this moment after sweeping and mopping kitchen  and cooking for family for last 4 hours ,

BP 123/71 . I use BP Meds and its usually controlled by it.

      FYI ,but I guess those that use know about this,that BP Med and hot weather don't mix ,we are more susceptible to heat exhaustion and heat strokes.

      That's what got me on this nightMare roller coaster with benzo .

When working my last job at a NYC loading dock in summer of 2012 ,I experienced a bad heat exhaustion close to heat stroke episode.It shocked my CNS ,which after research and not advised by Dr,is a by product of said exp.

    So,like a dope I asked for something to help with my nerves and anx you all have read of others going this rout ,one of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life

      So  because of drugs to help with BP there is the danger of other bad stuff happening as we all so very well know after benzo use

Yea just like others here after a real long I got this beat window,here we go again.

      As we used to say Man This Bites !

Thanks for sharing guys and letting me vent

    God bless and with His help we shall over come !

Praying it's not too hot for my daughter's outside tent wedding Jully 17

        renacido AKA aj

 

Ren,

 

a lot of people get more intense physical symptoms in the second year.  Coop here had terrible issues with BP and heart rate and it all passed.    This, too, will pass. That's one thing I've learned - in withdrawal, everything passes.

 

Congratulations on your daughter's marriage.

[[Gr...]]

Coop, you are absolutely doing a lot more this summer.  So am I.  I think we're frustrated because when the waves come they're paralyzing.

 

Today was not effortless, but I was able to do things.  I'm grateful.  Hoping to hang onto this for a while.

 

Wow, I miss Nova.  Wonder how he's managing without a computer.  I couldn't.  I'd be lost.

 

I read Baylissa's memoir.  (not to be confused with Renewal and Recovery)  It was very, very good.  She was very, very sick.  And she got better.

 

Coop, what is your daughter's wedding date?

Sky, I have checked out Bloom in Wellness, from the beginning.  It's very inspirational.

 

I'm sorry you had such a bad day.  I hope it passes soon.

[[dr...]]

Yup...we are all making progress but when we get hit and I'm basically stuck on the couch all day w head symptoms it's hard to remember it.  I have to remember I went to a baseball two weeks ago and actually enjoyed it w no anxiety. 

 

I too take hope from that article. I believe any anxiety we'll have post withdrawal will be a piece of cake to handle compared to this shit.  Well...that's what I keep telling myself. 

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  Yes, that's it exactly.. me too.  Last summer was kind of like one big wave, but not nearly as much anxiety. Last summer I was mostly afraid of having panics, but it was mental fear and not this health anxiety that I am going to die any moment.  This hypervigilant attention to every body sx. I have had 3 ekgs, a chest x-ray and a bunch of blood work, yet I am sure something has been missed and still want this that or the other thing checked out. ...I know this is w/d because I was never like this. 

    Beulah.  The throat thing sounds terrible. I have had a burning or metalic taste in my mouth and on my tongue from time to time but not actual throat pain...or the clicking sensation in my ear.  I am so sorry that happened to you...and really glad it went away. I would have had to take a b/p pill too. ....Do you think the b/p spike and thumping heart were panic reactions to the throat thing? ....Why lovely people like you have to be tortured like this is so beyond me. Are you feeling leveled out from it now?  I don't know why, but I feel like this horribleness is the last dying gasp of the Benzo beast.  Hoping tomorrow  brings all of us at least a few sunbreaks to catch our breath in..  sending you love Beulah.  coop

[[Co...]]

Green..  yes.. these waves are stunning in thier intensity ...paralyzing. The waves of last summer , for me were confined to one or two sx like head pressure or anticipatory fear of panic.. more like a state of being with some decent days sprinkled in. This wave has made me down right sick.

    Very different waves in year one and year 2. The health fears, are intensified and multiplied 100x over for me.  But when I get a small break I feel normal .

.....My daughter is getting married at the end of July.  The hottest time of the year.  I am already planning that I will probably need something for that day.  Hydroxzine maybe.

They are just planning an outdoor ranch themed wedding.  Really simple but lots of details....taking a ton of work, but really fun to do this with her. It reminds me that last summer I was so afraid of getting too far away from my house I wouldn't go in her car ...this summer I am running all over with her.  Still anxious but in an entirely different way..

....onward .. the only way to go.  coop

[[Co...]]

Green, I really miss  Nova tonight too.  Hope he is having a better day....

[[Co...]]

Ren, my b/p has been all over the place. At almost 19 months it is just now, in the last 3 months,or so it has become a reliable 110-120/68-75.  I had several bouts of 160/90 or more. I took atenolol low dose ( 6-12 mg). In acute I took it daily for unstable b/p....for about 3 months. Then it was dropping my b/p too low so I tapered off of it over 3 weeks.  When I say taper.. it was nothing at all like benzo w/d. I felt absolutely no effects during tapering from the atenolol excepting a few mild palps once in awhile. Atenolol is often given to tame runaway palps.

      This will pass . It will sort itself out. ....and it will get better.. I was in the pulmnololgist's office last week .. scared to death and my b/p was,118/72. 

    Hold on Ren.  . You are not alone and you are going to heal.  .....coop

[[Ha...]]

I'm still here too, was good for 4 weeks, boom back with heart palps... I'm nervous to start a new job in the heat wearing a respirator and tyvek suit... I'm afraid for sure.... I think msg made.my heart mad not sure... I'm sooo sick of this almost 18 mo ths off...

[[je...]]

I honestly can't see any healing for myself since January, it feels like my healing has just stopped, no real improvements-- or maybe I just don't see it. Not trying to be negative, I just don't see it, but then again maybe its justy benzo brain. Either way this year has been harder on me than I would have ever thought possible.

[[ci...]]

Jenny, reread spunky success story, she healed at 25 months, and was still wavy at 20 months questioning her healing. When you read the success stories so many heal at the 2 year mark. You are closer than you think, just getting so worn out. I understand. You are still leading the way for me, lead me to the finish line, OK?

 

Always, cindy

[[be...]]

Beulah.  Yes, that's it exactly.. me too.  Last summer was kind of like one big wave, but not nearly as much anxiety. Last summer I was mostly afraid of having panics, but it was mental fear and not this health anxiety that I am going to die any moment.  This hypervigilant attention to every body sx. I have had 3 ekgs, a chest x-ray and a bunch of blood work, yet I am sure something has been missed and still want this that or the other thing checked out. ...I know this is w/d because I was never like this. 

    Beulah.  The throat thing sounds terrible. I have had a burning or metalic taste in my mouth and on my tongue from time to time but not actual throat pain...or the clicking sensation in my ear.  I am so sorry that happened to you...and really glad it went away. I would have had to take a b/p pill too. ....Do you think the b/p spike and thumping heart were panic reactions to the throat thing? ....Why lovely people like you have to be tortured like this is so beyond me. Are you feeling leveled out from it now?  I don't know why, but I feel like this horribleness is the last dying gasp of the Benzo beast.  Hoping tomorrow  brings all of us at least a few sunbreaks to catch our breath in..  sending you love Beulah.  coop

 

Morning coop, yes I feel much better..a rough ride yesterday and today I'm off to a family picnic.

I expected to be make up feeling lousy because yesterday was so hard..I am amazed at how we can go from dying to feeling good the very next day.

 

I'm still thinking of your good day with you daughter..it warms my heart.

Yes, this second year is harder in many ways.but like you said..the benzo beast is putting up a fight...gonna bite the dust.

Hope your symptoms are low..enjoy your day. Hugs.

[[Co...]]

Beulah.. have a wonderful time with your family.  I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better.. You are getting some good days in.  Wishing you nothing but good days.  coop

[[Gr...]]

Green..  yes.. these waves are stunning in thier intensity ...paralyzing. The waves of last summer , for me were confined to one or two sx like head pressure or anticipatory fear of panic.. more like a state of being with some decent days sprinkled in. This wave has made me down right sick.

    Very different waves in year one and year 2. The health fears, are intensified and multiplied 100x over for me.  But when I get a small break I feel normal .

.....My daughter is getting married at the end of July.  The hottest time of the year.  I am already planning that I will probably need something for that day.  Hydroxzine maybe.

They are just planning an outdoor ranch themed wedding.  Really simple but lots of details....taking a ton of work, but really fun to do this with her. It reminds me that last summer I was so afraid of getting too far away from my house I wouldn't go in her car ...this summer I am running all over with her.  Still anxious but in an entirely different way..

....onward .. the only way to go.  coop

 

Coop, I know it's not over, but for the record, you sound good, I can hear the progress, I can hear you  I think having the hydroxyzine is a good idea, but let's hope you don't need it.  The wedding sounds wonderful, ranch theme.  I love the creative weddings these kids are having.  Outdoor wedding, always worrying about the weather.  I had a botanical garden wedding (many, many moons ago!)  and I remember consulting the Farmer's Almanac, and it was completely accurate.

[[Gr...]]

Green, I really miss  Nova tonight too.  Hope he is having a better day....

 

I miss him, too.  Hope he's having some better days

[[No...]]

Hi ... computer is well ... needed a new power supply ... asked if I could have one too ... didn't have one in my size ...  something about a special order, would take a few more months ...

 

The list is done ... haven't had this much "interaction" with the world out there in quite a while ... did not enjoy it ... wanted to, but it just wasn't here ...

 

Good to hear some of us are having better days ... I am in the soup ... it is what it is ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[dr...]]

Welcome back nova! 

 

I'm still cycling w weird head and Bain stuff   lots of weird sensations. Like tingles, what maybe can be described as vibrating or humming inside and on scalp, cycles of fear/panic, and then some DR for good measure. 

 

I went to get my massage and I had a panic on the table. It passed as always. My mind was screaming for me to get up and run out.  Where would I run to mr chemical surge that is safer than a massage table?  

 

Home now and I have no pressing things to do. I can do things but any stimuli revs me so I'll tack path of least resistance right now.    Remind me that his is a wave and it will die down.  :tick

[[Si...]]

Yep I'm feeling absolutely terrible today. Didn't sleep at all last night again. Took some more magnesium this morning and now have cray burning in my left arm. The sups I have have b6 in them and didn't realize that can cause problems. I did just go in a 2-½ mile walk.

[[Co...]]

Nova....it's great to see you again...we miss you when you have to be away...Glad the computer is fired up again...we need you around here. Yep, some of us are in the soup today...I am sorry that you are too.. I think I will never eat soup again.  Taking the computer in for repair would put me in the soup for a week. .We are having thunderstorms yet again..  but right now it is quiet with that lulling rustle of leaves before the storm starts to whip up ....very peaceful and soothing. Tried concentrating on a book, but it's just not there ...so some silly movie ...My daughter was here this morning to work on some wedding projects.  What a blessing she is.. Still riding the waves of fear and dread, but getting 10-15 minute sunbreaks along the way....Nova your theory that some of the anxiety originates in the gut is ringing true for me as well .. lately eating brings a wave of dread ...and it starts in the gut...

....Nova...hope you get some rest and some big sunbreaks today....Happy to see you back..  coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi ... computer is well ... needed a new power supply ... asked if I could have one too ... didn't have one in my size ...  something about a special order, would take a few more months ...

 

The list is done ... haven't had this much "interaction" with the world out there in quite a while ... did not enjoy it ... wanted to, but it just wasn't here ...

 

Good to hear some of us are having better days ... I am in the soup ... it is what it is ...

 

Be Well ... 

 

Nova, glad to  see you back .

 

The new power supply for you will take a few more months ? I think they may be right....

 

I really understand about the interaction. I can't wait till things like these get less hard. I am tired of being so terrified of people and of trying to "pass off" as normal !

 

I can spend time here only on Saturdays and usually everybody here is off the thread ! 

 

It seems like my challenge is not to " simply" get through wd but to get through it with as little virtual support as possible ! What with my hard time wriitng and my schedules, my timezone difference, it is this huge effort, but I really do miss it.

 

I wish I could do what Coop does, she pours her heart here and then does not bother her loved ones. Well, I do the opposite, I pour my heart out to mr Sky and mama Sky and I don' t bother my buddies ! 

 

My anxiety has been ruling today. this is hard, to put your life on hold for such a  long time.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I removed the source of my anxiety, would I feel better ? But I believe the anxiety is there to start with, then it finds a source, an excuse.

 

And my IBS is getting worse if that is even possible. 

 

But let's not start with the list of symptoms, it is more or less always the same, what's the point in going through it once again ?

 

Yesterday at some point, I got this black c loud, this sense of doom and overwhelming problems. I tried and did what I could to pick a fight with mr Sky. I call it the cloud over my head. It went away, out of the  blue this morning, after having plagued me all through the night. It was really overwhelming.

 

I can't imagine having it any longer, as it was, it seemed to me, it lasted forever.

 

Two nights ago, mr Sky and I, swapped places in bed, we switched sides. I expected to have a hard time sleeping and to not be able to adjust to the change. Instead, at some point during the night, mr Sky woke me up, asking to switch back, he could not sleep because of the change !

 

Well that is all, speak later or tomorrow, this hamster really  wants to get off her wheel.

 

 

Everybody, have a nice weekend, heal on. 

[[Sk...]]

Welcome back nova! 

 

I'm still cycling w weird head and Bain stuff   lots of weird sensations. Like tingles, what maybe can be described as vibrating or humming inside and on scalp, cycles of fear/panic, and then some DR for good measure. 

 

I went to get my massage and I had a panic on the table. It passed as always. My mind was screaming for me to get up and run out.  Where would I run to mr chemical surge that is safer than a massage table?  

 

Home now and I have no pressing things to do. I can do things but any stimuli revs me so I'll tack path of least resistance right now.    Remind me that his is a wave and it will die down.  :tick

 

You might need a massage to relax from the massage ! 

 

Glad it passed and you seem to be coping.