12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Update:  It has been a rough week....maybe 2 (I forget) for me.  Chest muscles...like the muscles between my upper ribs have been pretty sore and tight, makes me feel like I can't breathe easy.  On an off sore lower throat....feels very tight and painful, not a typical sore throat, hurts under adams apple to swallow, feels like a golf ball is stuck in there.  Every other day that shows up.  We need rain so bad, I think the dryness is messing with my eyes and throat.  Hasn't rained in at least a month.  I'm not sneezing or anything but my eyes sting whenever I'm outside, so much crap floating around.  Alaway helps a bit.  The worst part has been a visit from one of my least favorite SX.....full body muscle tension/soreness and restlessness.  That comes and goes a couple times a day.  On a positive note, when I feel like that, moving helps.  It was unbearable this morning so I took a four mile walk.  I have been walking a ton lately trying to escape my wavy world.  The tension and anxiety disappears while I'm walking and sometimes afterwards too.  Honestly I'm in quite a bad mood right now, no reason, just feel angry and annoyed with trying to write this.  Angry and annoyed to be in such a sleepy haze of wavy retardation!   

 

Mike, I've got the sore throat and what feels like a mucous plug in my throat. that sounds gross, I know.  And the body pain.

 

That sore upper rib thing, HH went nuts with that in her last bad wave,  She said it hurt so much she couldn't breathe.  she could never tell what caused it

 

Glad you're walking, that's good.  and I always think it's so much better to be pissed off than pissed on

 

Always nice to hear your updates.  Be well.

[[Gr...]]

 

Beulah--So glad to hear your wave has lifted! Great news!

Coop-- sorry you are still dealing with the breathing issues, mine have come back too. I'm just at the point now where I'm like well if I'm gonna die, so be it...

 

 

Well, my sx are not too bad today but once again I just feel "off" weird and detached. My breathing and sinuses are really bothering me, arms and legs are numb, neck  and shoulders are sore... I think I'm having a harder time this second year with the whole acceptance thing, I feel like kicking and screaming that this isn't fair. Hope your all well, jenny

 

Jenny, and Drew, and others, on the sinus thing.  I ordered this Kindle book, I think it's called Xanax Withdrawal.  Not such a great book.  But one good thing.  In the beginning explaining how CCK, I think he said, not glutamate, which is excitatory, and found in the gut and the brain how this stuff in excess causes all the GI disturbances, the panic, the sinus problems.  It was interesting and explained some of our symptoms.  I can't copy/paste because it's on Kindle.  Can I?  I'd like to post it here.  (He also noted we have more serotonin in our guts than in our brains.  I thought it was interesting, explained why our sx are so widespread)

 

Nova, I will look for the cool puppets!  I'm going no matter what, but if I feel this way, I don't know if I'm leaving the hotel room.  Kind of where MikeJ is.  I feel so crappy I don't even want to be around people.

 

Guys, I'm feeling detached (thank God!)  that's a major improvement.    Keeping a low profile.  'fraid the excitement of a freaking conversation will rev me up.  not joking, lol

 

Feel better, everyone.

 

[[Gr...]]

WORKING WITH XANAX Beyond using Xanax just for it’s effects on GABA receptors , it has powerful effects opposing cholecystokinin (CCK) . CCK is a neurotransmitter and hormone that does the opposite of GABA – it increases electrical activity of the nervous system. It is also a hormone that is the primary regulator of bile flow. As opposed to serotonin, which is largely found in the gut with a small amount in the brain, CCK is largely found in the brain with only a small amount in the gut. CCK is a stress hormone. In response to repeated electric shocks, mice produce endorphins, a natural substance similar to morphine, and become lethargic and insensitive to the shocks. When mice subjected to repeated shock were signaled that the shock was about to end, they secreted CCK, which acts as an “antidote” to the endorphins, ending the endorphin induced lethargy and stimulating the mice back into activity. Because it opposes the action of the endorphins CCK is sometimes referred to as an endorphin antagonist. If a person is injected with CCK, which is done in clinical practice for the HIDA scan to e xamine gall bladder functioning , it will often cause panic attacks. Along with the panic, injected CCK causes bile to be released into the GI tract. Usually the stimulus for the release of bile is food, and the bile helps in digestion of the food. The abnormal release of bile stimulated by CCK in the absence of food is caustic, and very stressful for the GI tract. Abnormal bile flow results in reflux related heartburn and irritable bowel syndrome. The clinical implication of this is that some patients will have stress related panic attacks and GI symptoms, both due to the effects of CCK. In the late 80’s and early 90’s I kept careful records of 87 consecutive patients referred to my office for panic disorder. These patients were highly stressed individuals who were out of work with worker’s compensation stress claims. In addition to the symptoms of panic- anxiety, almost all of them complained of heartburn, and a significant percentage also complained of recurrent sinusitis. Because CCK causes abnormal bile flow, I was able to measure CCK activity with a special probe that measured abnormal bile flow into the stomach. When bile is released in the absence of food stimulus, it tends to cause a variety of symptoms, most prominently reflux related heartburn and reflux related sinusitis. A graphic chart summarizing key points of this research can be found at http://stuartshipko.com/research.html Data provided significant support for the notion that stress- related panic attacks were caused by excessive CCK activity. It turns out that the benzodiazepines all act to counter the effects of CCK. Patients injected with CCK for HIDA scans showed an increase in bile flow and panic symptoms, both of which are rapidly reduced by sublingual Xanax. Although all of the benzodiazepines are known to counter CCK, I only had the time and resources to study Xanax. It worked particularly well as a treatment for patients who were having stress- related panic attacks associated with heartburn and sinusitis. In my now defunct web community, The Panic Disorders Institute, I took the stand that

[[...]]

Marj, your mental framework sounds remarkably positive, in spite of grief and 13 months into w/d. You have come more than the 24 month typical solid healing...Very sorry to hear that you are grieving...many good and supportive people here..Glad to see your post.  ...Wishing you some sunbreaks.  ......coop

 

Coop,  i try to be positive and sometimes i can and then i cant and i become a frightened mess, worrying this will never get better.  Today, right now is one of those times  i am heading out with my daughter with hideous head pressure,  anxiety,  upper body tension and my mind is telling me i cant do it and i will go crazy.  Im trying to just go with it but fatigue has set in.  I worry this is just an anxiety disorder i have developed,  benzo lies.  I WILL feel better once i am in york.

Hope everyone is feeling better 

[[No...]]

Green ... thanks for the info ... sounds reasonable ... and describes the process I have been experiencing ...

 

I have long suspected that the panic I experience these last few years starts in the gut most of the time ...

 

What is even more curious ... my gut issues did not commence until I started taking the drug ...

 

I don't know what all this "means" ... and I don't know how to "treat" it other than what I have been doing which is mostly nothing ...

 

Thanks again, hope you have a quiet day ...

[[No...]]

Marj ... hope you have a good trip and feel better soon ... 

[[...]]

Thank you nova,  im going now  ive just caught the lies saying you cant do this,  so i said out loud "just watch me".  I will continue to fake it till make it.  Hope your day has some peace.  Be well

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... slept or dozed for over 10 hours ... woke up around 1 AM for a while and felt good ... woke up at 7 AM and feel like crap ...

 

Defrosted the upright freezer anyway ... a nice short gut panic while I was doing it ... 

 

Settling in for what seems to be another medium lousy day ...

 

Have rented a car for this weekend ... got several errand type things to do ... Mrs Nova is taking the day off with me ... the late Spring list ... will get them done and see what transpires on the healing front ...

 

Wishing a quiet day for everyone ... we sure could use one ... 

[[No...]]

Marj ... 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Nova, dozing for 10 hrs...I'm so jealous..maybe you could ask your sandman to pay me a visit.

Green, some good notes on the withdrawal..we need all of the info and stories we can get..it helps not feeling so alone in this.

 

Struggling with some anxiety and gut burning this am.

Storms are moving in...an inside day of puzzles..I bought a new one..a 3D London Bridge.

 

Many hugs and healing.

[[dr...]]

thx gfor that post Green...I just figure everything is screwed up until it's not

 

Nova-ten hours!?!  I haven't done that in years.

 

I woke up with the morning anxiety and rushes and even had a brief panic while driving on the freeway.  Felt trapped in the left lane.  Hadn't had something like that since my last wave   Oh...I am in one...I have periods of feeling okay thoroughout each day so I will carry on as usual and repeat my mantra of "this is my normal for now".  It does take the added anxiety off when I say that.  Sounds so simple but it is working.  Hope we all get the hell off this rollercoaster ride we didn't sign up for. 

 

Not really checking other areas of the thread as there is no point. 

[[be...]]

 

Beulah--So glad to hear your wave has lifted! Great news!

Coop-- sorry you are still dealing with the breathing issues, mine have come back too. I'm just at the point now where I'm like well if I'm gonna die, so be it...

 

 

Well, my sx are not too bad today but once again I just feel "off" weird and detached. My breathing and sinuses are really bothering me, arms and legs are numb, neck  and shoulders are sore... I think I'm having a harder time this second year with the whole acceptance thing, I feel like kicking and screaming that this isn't fair. Hope your all well, jenny

 

Jenny you're so right, this second year is harder in a lot of ways. Some physical symptoms are better..some worse....my thought process is off the wall...much of a struggle trying to figure things out at times.

I'm trying to stay positive and a lot of people have posted that year three was a big turn around for them in healing.

 

Go ahead..kick and scream..it might make you feel better..I have..none of this is fair to any of us..but not much we can do about it..keep taking care of ourselves and healing the best we know how.

In the near future we will be reclaiming our lives back and all of this will be forgotten and behind us.

 

Stay well and keep healing.

 

[[Co...]]

Well, everyone on the thread looks a little better than we were last week and the last few days.  This has been a heavy forever wave. . ...

....NOVA...10 hours of sleep I haven't been able to sleep for 10 hours since college ....100 years ago.

.....BEULAH.  I am kind of where you are today...not screaming g anxiety or intense sx ( which I am thankful for)....but spacey with low energy.  sx are kind of in the background ...kind of ok with sitting on the bed watching movies.  I will take it, it's better than wanting to go to er.. 

....DREW.  I like your mantra...it is reassuring.  We have picked up some nice mantras along the way:...This is normal for now. This is our healing life. It is what it is until it isnt. No one gets left behind. Everybody heals..Effortless Mind days. These Possibly my wave is lifting...I am not in terror 24/7.. and my hope for healing is better. My self talk is better and today I can look forward to things I want to do. Going to my grandson's program last night was a big boost even if I felt some anxiety and detachment.  Maybe we are all going to get out of this. This afternoon my daughter and I are going to pick out paint for a table I want to upgrade...Hoping...this can't breathe thing totally threw me into hell...I think it's settling. 

....Wishing everyone some relief and peace.. coop

[[Gr...]]

Green ... thanks for the info ... sounds reasonable ... and describes the process I have been experiencing ...

 

I have long suspected that the panic I experience these last few years starts in the gut most of the time ...

 

What is even more curious ... my gut issues did not commence until I started taking the drug ...

 

I don't know what all this "means" ... and I don't know how to "treat" it other than what I have been doing which is mostly nothing ...

 

Thanks again, hope you have a quiet day ...

 

Nova, I know!  I think a lot of stuff just "feels" like it's originating in the gut.  from regular GI stuff, all the way to feeling a crazy pulse that feels like a heart beat.  I read somewhere there's an abdominal blood vessel that pulses -- too crazy! 

 

I agree wholeheartedly, treatment is do nothing.  The treatment is time.

 

Hope your day is quiet, also

[[dr...]]

coop-glad you are feeling better   It is a slow pull out of the waves but they do start with little things like you mention. 

 

I am cycling in and out of weirdness.  Just had thrity minutes of anxiety spike, weird head,  and trouble breathing.  I leterally can't do much or even read.  I just try and avoid doing anything until it passes which it already has started to.  Although I can use my mantra this still sucks big time.

[[Gr...]]

Nova, have a wonderful day doing errands.  And I, too, am jealous of all that sleep.

 

Drew, you didn't take benzos consistently since age 21?

 

Beulah, Jenny, Coop, so glad you're feeling better,

 

I'd been having an awful time of it.  when I stop posting, I'm usually in a bad place.  then I was blessed with detachment! A quiet place in my head with very few symptoms, and hopefully trying to find acceptance again.  As you said, Jenny, it's been hard trying to find acceptance, and I think I'm suffering for it. MikeJee touched on it a little, being pissed off.  Whatever,  all these crazy symptoms and emotions, trying desperately to find a comfortable place in my own head where I can exist quietly for awhile.  It's hard to find a quiet place when symptoms are rolling in and out so fast you can't catch your breath.

 

Anyway, last night, either I felt better, or the posts were really good (both, I think)  I was feeling hopeful again. I haven't been hopeful in awhile.  That's a very bad place for a benzo buddy, hopeless. :'(

 

So I'm feeling hopeful for all of us.  All these crazy cycling symptoms are a good sign.  It's a good sign that we all have them.  I have to think it's a sign of healing.

 

Hoping everyone has the best day possible.

[[Te...]]

I've thinking this is sinus related...but when I go to bed at night my left nostril ....seemed blocked no air circulation ...weird but only on one side......but it makes falling to sleep more difficult......

That's for the info on sinuses......I feel due to pain....I increase the GABA in stomach which thn produces more heartburn problems....it's a circle....and if pain would subside I would be Abe to relax more.....the coughing during the night isn't helping at all....

Sorry just venting.......

Hugs!TM

[[dr...]]

Yup Green...I was on them in some form or another from age twenty-one to forty-five.  I must've kindled my brain unknowinlgy 10X.  It started at .25 X as needed.  For some years I was taking AD's and benzos as needed.  Eventually my shrinks had me do X 3x per day to correct my chemical imbalance      I never remeember a period since my college freshman year that I didn't have panic attacks or anxiety.  I even had a ton while on benzos...going on trip...pop a pill....meeting...pop a pill....etc...  I just noticed I was needing more and more to remain jsut feeling sort of okay.  I knew something was wrong but the docs told me over and over it was safe to take these meds. I got up to 3mg of K per day and I felt like I was dying most of the time.  I finally was so sick taking the meds I knew it had to be them and found the ashton manual.  The rest is history...I get less anxiety and panic than I ever remember when i am in window.  I am not saying I won't be an anxioux person but I am positve this drug screwed me big time by adding to anxiety and panics.  I mean my ear hissing, constant headaches, pain, etc... is telling me something is going on in my brain that is chemical and it's not all in my head so to speak.  Alos, I am calm and panic free in windows.  Go figure.  Curious to see what I'll be like on the other side.         

[[dr...]]

Geez..jsut typing that out and reading it makes me feel like I am &*%$&ed.  Luckily Ashton said no matter the time and dose didn't stop anyone from healing

[[Fi...]]

Drew--I totally admire you, turning this train around like you have.  I agree that the fact that you feel better than ever in your windows proves that it's just the meds that have mucked you up, and you are going to go on to be a well and very solid person.  So you were a bit anxious before you were twenty-one?  Hey, who wasn't?  Growing up is tough to do!

[[Te...]]

Hey Drew I was on clonazepam for 8 years....it's sad that doctors don't warn you of this withdrawal.....my onocologist....said several times I needed to get off the pills...due to being so sensitive to meds in general......she knew so much about benzo....how bad they can hurt you....she said she went to a lecture on benzos .....she told me that doctors need to be educated on benzo's...it's really sad.....doctors give them out like tic tacs....

We all trusted our prescribing doctors on giving the meds.....we just have to go forward ....never ever thought I'd still be this sick.....it amazes me.....

 

You've had windows .....I feel that's a good sign of healing...I'm praying for one.....

Hugs,TM

[[Mi...]]

Oh...I'm afraid to use that steroid cream on my incredibly itchy calves. Any suggestions on what works to stop the itching and won't rev me?

 

Don't get upset but this may help you use the steroid cream.  And yes I'm insinuating that the revving could just be your apprehension towards medical products causing anxiousness.  (This is coming from someone who has had plenty of health fears of his own)  Don't take this personal, just trying to help.

 

I have a known problem with taking ORAL steroids, always have, always will.  Even before I knew was anxiety was (teens - 30's) I had taken it a few times and always had to stop.  I tried it 2 months ago for elbow tendonitis, again, complete freakout.  Had to stop.

 

*The oral form is the only kind of steroid that can get into your bloodstream and cause CNS or mood related side effects*

 

Even though a large amount of people like myself cannot handle oral steroids, I currently use steroid cream for my skin, and last week I just had a needle full of steroids injected into my elbow!  No adverse effects whatsoever.  Many months ago I wouldn't use the steroid cream for itchy skin because I was too scared.  I never even tried it.  I was scared of every medical product.  I would start revving right after taking ibruprophen, like it was being absorbed instantly, which isn't even possible.  Was all in my mind.

 

Maybe try the cream again knowing that I had psychosomatic issues with medical products too??

[[dr...]]

no offense taken mike...I might try it again.

 

oh boy I am getting hit hard...nonstop fear and pains.  I was also meditating and was hit with intrusive thougths.  They passed after about twenty minutes.  sitting here in a state of panic.  Have a cranail massage at 4pm which is 2 hours away and then a performance tonight.  going to do my cbt right now.  the day after a migtraine is always my worst day.  I don't even know if aits a migraine or my wave pattern but it is very predictable 

[[...]]

Well my day has not been good. I went on my trip with my daughter with anxiety,  muscle tighness and pain,  awful head pressure but i kept telling myself it will lift once i get distracted. Well it didnt,  i did my best to ignore it but horrible thoughs plagued me all afternoon; I just came home and cried.....  Feel so dejected. Maybe im tired as not slept for a couple of nights....  Misery is surrounding me. I worry my kids will forget the normal me and just tbinm they have a sick,  crying mum.  Hope everyone is better than me.

[[dr...]]

I am caught on the hamster wheel from hell...my migraines can cause anxiety and panic and anxiety and panic from my withdrawal can cause migraines

 

 

What causes a migraine?

The exact causes of migraines are unknown, although they are related to changes in the brain as well as to genetic causes. People with migraines may inherit the tendency to be affected by certain migraine triggers, such as fatigue, bright lights, weather changes and others.

 

For many years, scientists believed that migraines were linked to the expanding (dilation) and constriction (narrowing) of blood vessels on the brain’s surface. However, it is now believed that migraine is caused by inherited abnormalities in certain areas of the brain.

 

There is a migraine "pain center" or generator in the mid-brain area. A migraine begins when hyperactive nerve cells send out impulses to the blood vessels leading to the dilation of these vessels and the release of prostaglandins, serotonin and other inflammatory substances that cause the pulsation to be painful.

 

Certain brain cells that use serotonin as a messenger are involved in controlling mood, attention, sleep, and pain. Therefore, chronic changes in serotonin can lead to anxiety, panic disorder, and depression.

 

What triggers a migraine?

Many migraines seem to be triggered by external factors. Migraine sufferers can help the physician identify these triggers. Possible triggers include:

 

 

Emotional stress is one of the most common triggers of migraine headache. Migraine sufferers generally are highly affected by stressful events. During stressful events, certain chemicals in the brain are released to combat the situation (know as the "flight or fight" response). The release of these chemicals can provoke migraine. Repressed emotions surrounding stress, such as anxiety, worry, excitement and fatigue can increase muscle tension and dilated blood vessels can intensify the severity of migraine.

Sensitivity to specific chemicals and preservatives in foods. Certain foods and beverages, such as aged cheese, alcoholic beverages, and food additives such as nitrates (in pepperoni, hot dogs, luncheon meats) and monosodium glutamate (MSG, commonly found in Chinese food) may be responsible for triggering up to 30% of migraines.

Caffeine. Excessive caffeine consumption or withdrawal from caffeine can cause headaches when the caffeine level abruptly drops. The blood vessels seem to become sensitized to caffeine, and when caffeine is not ingested, a headache may occur. Caffeine itself is often helpful in treating acute migraine attacks.

Changing weather conditions such as storm fronts, barometric pressure changes, strong winds or changes in altitude

Menstrual periods

Tension

Excessive fatigue

Missing meals

Changes in normal sleep pattern