12-18 month support

[[Si...]]

Green ... when is your trip, I am too lazy to look back on the thread? ...

 

Sorry you had to put your bike away ... and good to hear you are out there moving around when you can ... 

 

Nova,

First week of July, a week in Atlanta.  I'm going by myself, so if I feel bad I can stay in the room without ruining anyone else's trip.  I'm going no matter how I feel.  There's something liberating and empowering in saying I'm doing something no matter what

 

I've put the bike away before.  I've been alternating riding the bike and walking. 

 

I thought of you today, the panic that made you turn back from your walk.  I had very wild acute-like fear and paranoia while I was walking today.

 

Yes, the energy buckets are very low 

 

Hi Green, I'm in Atlanta, if you need any tips while you're here,just let me know. You can PM me if you want. Hope you have a good trip while you're here.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... when is your trip, I am too lazy to look back on the thread? ...

 

Sorry you had to put your bike away ... and good to hear you are out there moving around when you can ... 

 

Nova,

First week of July, a week in Atlanta.  I'm going by myself, so if I feel bad I can stay in the room without ruining anyone else's trip.  I'm going no matter how I feel.  There's something liberating and empowering in saying I'm doing something no matter what

 

I've put the bike away before.  I've been alternating riding the bike and walking. 

 

I thought of you today, the panic that made you turn back from your walk.  I had very wild acute-like fear and paranoia while I was walking today.

 

Yes, the energy buckets are very low 

 

Hi Green, I'm in Atlanta, if you need any tips while you're here,just let me know. You can PM me if you want. Hope you have a good trip while you're here.

 

Siggy, thank you so much, I really appreciate that!  I guess I wanted to do a walking tour of the Walking Dead set and anything to do with Margaret Mitchell and Gone With the Wind.  I'm very much looking forward to being there.

I guess the humidity is pretty bad in July?

[[Co...]]

Beaulah...yep, you and Drew are looking so good... so encouraging to all of us here on this thread....and nobody is going to be left behind... ....coop

[[dr...]]

Lol coop....you're a sweetheart but I feel a long way from healed. I'm in a bathtub right now w my brain feeling weird. 

[[Co...]]

Drew, I know you are still having sx...and I wish you were not, but you are managing them so successfully ...you haven't had a migraine in weeks, and you are out there living your life.

....I think that is huge....coop

[[dr...]]

I am managing must better...I agree.  I did have a migraine last Thursday which had me wonky for a whole week.  Still not back to window area.  I still feel just a step away from ER when symptomatic. It's so scary to live like this which you know.

[[pe...]]

Just want to say thanks to you all for your kindness, for letting me come to this place and take a little rest. This experience has really pushed me to the limits and my little family is beginning to show weathering. It's awful. I've tried, my husband has tried, to protect our young children as best as we can but the stress is spilling over. I hit my youngest son a week ago, first time ever hitting either of them. He slapped me across the face and I responded in kind. I never thought I would ever hit my kids. I just feel like I have failed them so completely, have so little energy to parent well. I am yelling almost everyday and so resentful of my youngest son. Maybe this would be happening even without benzo withdrawal. I can't even see who I am anymore, just so unrecognizable. I feel like a tragedy, I feel like a monster. I so sincerely hope I get better without doing anymore damage, causing anymore hurt. I used to think just don't hurt yourself or anyone else and now I think - too late.

 

Peace2

[[Si...]]

Green ... when is your trip, I am too lazy to look back on the thread? ...

 

Sorry you had to put your bike away ... and good to hear you are out there moving around when you can ... 

 

Nova,

First week of July, a week in Atlanta.  I'm going by myself, so if I feel bad I can stay in the room without ruining anyone else's trip.  I'm going no matter how I feel.  There's something liberating and empowering in saying I'm doing something no matter what

 

I've put the bike away before.  I've been alternating riding the bike and walking. 

 

I thought of you today, the panic that made you turn back from your walk.  I had very wild acute-like fear and paranoia while I was walking today.

 

Yes, the energy buckets are very low 

 

Hi Green, I'm in Atlanta, if you need any tips while you're here,just let me know. You can PM me if you want. Hope you have a good trip while you're here.

 

Siggy, thank you so much, I really appreciate that!  I guess I wanted to do a walking tour of the Walking Dead set and anything to do with Margaret Mitchell and Gone With the Wind.  I'm very much looking forward to being there.

I guess the humidity is pretty bad in July?

 

Yes the humidity will probably be bad. We're starting summer soon too, so the temps may be in the 80s or 90s typically. Though our weather can be very up and down. Rainy one day, cold  the next, and then hot the next. Just carry a water bottle with you if you can. Sometimes it's breezy though, and we have a lot of trees that help with shade.

 

The Walking Dead first season was filmed a lot near downtown. My wife's sister lived on the street where they filmed the tank scene. Most of the scenes out in the country were filmed about an hour south of Atlanta. You can look up the city of Senoia, which is where a lot of it is filmed now.

 

Margaret Mitchel house is really neat. You should check out the History Center also. I have a friend that use to work there. My wife and I had our engagement photos there too.

[[dr...]]

Yes...just not comfortable yet in my own skin.  Made a beautiful seafood bbq for me and the lady and I got hit with that shift in my brain that usually precedes a migraine.  Just feels like a quick change of chemicals and my thoughts go all dark.  She noticed it. I excused myself from table w meal mostly not eaten. I did some relaxation body scan meditation, positive self talk that this will pass, and mental Cbt to fight benzo lies of being stuck like this and so forth.  During my body scan I could feel my scalp sort of bubbling or twitching.  Hard to explain.  I then did some self scalp massage stuff to release all the stress I'm sure is built up there. 

Thoughts of darkness subsided for now. 

 

Onward we go

 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... when is your trip, I am too lazy to look back on the thread? ...

 

Sorry you had to put your bike away ... and good to hear you are out there moving around when you can ... 

 

Nova,

First week of July, a week in Atlanta.  I'm going by myself, so if I feel bad I can stay in the room without ruining anyone else's trip.  I'm going no matter how I feel.  There's something liberating and empowering in saying I'm doing something no matter what

 

I've put the bike away before.  I've been alternating riding the bike and walking. 

 

I thought of you today, the panic that made you turn back from your walk.  I had very wild acute-like fear and paranoia while I was walking today.

 

Yes, the energy buckets are very low 

 

Hi Green, I'm in Atlanta, if you need any tips while you're here,just let me know. You can PM me if you want. Hope you have a good trip while you're here.

 

Siggy, thank you so much, I really appreciate that!  I guess I wanted to do a walking tour of the Walking Dead set and anything to do with Margaret Mitchell and Gone With the Wind.  I'm very much looking forward to being there.

I guess the humidity is pretty bad in July?

 

Yes the humidity will probably be bad. We're starting summer soon too, so the temps may be in the 80s or 90s typically. Though our weather can be very up and down. Rainy one day, cold  the next, and then hot the next. Just carry a water bottle with you if you can. Sometimes it's breezy though, and we have a lot of trees that help with shade.

 

The Walking Dead first season was filmed a lot near downtown. My wife's sister lived on the street where they filmed the tank scene. Most of the scenes out in the country were filmed about an hour south of Atlanta. You can look up the city of Senoia, which is where a lot of it is filmed now.

 

Margaret Mitchel house is really neat. You should check out the History Center also. I have a friend that use to work there. My wife and I had our engagement photos there too.

 

History center, okay.  It all sounds wonderful.  Thank you

[[Gr...]]

Boy, tough day, huh?

 

Was for me.  Crazy, crazy symptoms.  Coop, you're right, they turn on a dime.  Most of the day was so hard.  The first part of the day was all crazy mental symptoms, paranoia, DR, intrusive thoughts, crying jags, all that.  Then it stops, and it's all aches and pains.  Then late in the day, not so bad, somewhat normal, okay.  I'm exhausted from the roller coaster.  The early day was as bad as acute, I swear.  At one point I was gripping the steering wheel wondering how I was getting through the next hour, that bad.  Then limped around, and now not that bad. 

I posted before but lost it, which is a good thing because it was a negative post.

 

Nova, Coop, all of you, I hear you, it's happening here, too.  I'm so stunned by how tough it's been, I don't even know what to say. I'm just trying to get a handle on it, it's so wild, so unpredictable.  I know healing is happening, but I sure wish it would hurry up.

 

Have a good evening, everyone.

[[Co...]]

Peace...so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine how terrible you must feel. This has taken a huge toll on you. ...Maybe some family therapy while you finish up. ?....I know you would never strike your 4 year old under any other circumstance.  My heart is with you..  just take care of yourself , to ensure that you and your boys are ok....sending love Peace.....coop

[[je...]]

Green,

Yep I could have written your post myself. I called my mom today and just unloaded on her, told her how I can't believe I'm still dealing with this at 20 months- all the anger, frustration, it all just came out. Thank goodness she is very good at just letting me vent. My day today ended up pretty good believe it or not. My sx just went away around dinner time-- my hubby grilled some burgers, we all laughed and talked over dinner, then took a long walk to a park to let the kids play. I start having all these normal, happy thoughts about how I need to get out more, make some friends-- I literally completely forgot about w/d. These sx can change so quickly its crazy! Who knows what tomorrow will bring.. Sorry your day wasn't so great, tomorrow's a new day! Jenny

[[Co...]]

Green, Nova and I both had days exactly like that yesterday.  A merry go round of revolving sx...Today we both had somewhat better days..  I think the intensity of this wave is gradually easing....I was all over the map for the first part of the day...a screaming panic mid-day and a half way decent evening....I was even hungry for dinner...

....This is torture ....so far out....and torture. Hold on Green, I was exactly where you are every single day last week...running to the doctor 3/4 times....A tough terrifying week...it feels like it is trying .to roll out

.....I am so thinking of you Green....this will not last...it just can't go on much longer....love to you..  coop

[[Co...]]

Jenny, so glad you got a total break from your sx this evening...sounds eonderful. I am catching brief sunbreaks , but not an etire part of the day yet....hoping. ...You really deserve this Jenny...more days like that are coming.  .coop

[[be...]]

Morning all,

I really think this thread should be called roller coaster rides. After my nice day Sat. and not so bad yesterday..I went into a wave last night and it's still with me. I shook in bed all night...had so much burning in my body..nausea with head pain. I'm not sure what has caused  this wave...maybe over stimulation from Sat. or maybe the kale I had yesterday with dinner, it has revved me up before...or maybe it's just time for a healing wave...I don't know...just hope it's short lived.

 

Keeping it low and slow. We got this!!!!

 

Hope you're all feeling better today.

[[Si...]]

Didn't sleep last night. I can't tell anymore if this is from w/d or if it's from stress? If I had never gone through w/d then it would be easy to tell. I may have to resort to the magnesium even though it makes me feel terrible for a few days after.

[[No...]]

Beulah ... it is the "Last Tuesday Of The Month Wave" ... I read in the "Benzo Manual" that if someone stops using the drug, someone will get a wave on the last Tuesday of the month ...

 

Makes as much sense as anything else in this "amusement park" ...

 

Stay low, stay slow, you do have this ... recovery time is two hairs past any freckle ... 

[[No...]]

Siggy ... take it easy today ... the sleep will come again, it always does ... and it is a pain in the ass when you don't get some sleep each night ...

 

Be cool ... everything always changes ... 

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... take it easy today ... the sleep will come again, it always does ... and it is a pain in the ass when you don't get some sleep each night ...

 

Be cool ... everything always changes ... 

 

Thanks, still trying to avoid taking any kind of crazy meds too. Anyone tried L-Theanine?

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... got 6 solid hours of sleep without waking up ... not bad for an old fella ...

 

Things seem to be on the quiet side this morning ... had a couple of head pressure rushes ... those are always such a pleasure when they show up out of the blue ...

 

Cool, windy and wet here today ... don't have to cook, don't have to clean, don't have to do nothin' ... she who must be obeyed is out and about tonight so I am batching it ... will try teaching the pigeons how to play euchre ... they seem a bit bored out there ... 

 

Hope everyone has a quiet day ... or that there day gets real quiet real fast ... 

[[No...]]

Siggy ... I have read it works for some and drives others over the moon ... just like any other supplement ...

 

I have a sense how frustrated you feel ... most days, none of this makes any sense to me ... I just have to go with it ... there is an end point coming for all of us ... we just have to bide our time as best we can ...

[[No...]]

Green ... hope you got a good rest and have a quieter day today ...

 

There is a really cool puppetry museum in Atlanta ... saw a video on it once ...

 

Have a good day ...

[[Co...]]

Beulah, ...damn....so sorry to hear this...days and nights like that wear us out so badly....low and slow ..a nice day for self comforting ...I call these days r and r from enduring a wave...

....We deserve more than a handful of ' good' or ' normal' days.We deserve to go about our days engaged and happy with our lives...I am thinking of you Beulah and am hoping for you that it is short lived and lifts ....do you have some of that honey you love and some lavender tea....lavender tea is delicious....love to you friend..  coop

[[Co...]]

Good morning Nova....you sound on good footing this morning...Glad you got some decent sleep...you and the pigeons. ..how are they as conversationalists ?....We are having another thunderstorm this morning...I am trying to practice a little 'exposure'...I really don't like them, but this one is rather gentle so instead of moving to room where I can't hear the thunder or see the lightening I am sitting in my bed with my decaf and enjoying the sound of the rain and managing the mild thunder and lightening ..this is a perfect storm to practice on...it's just a baby storm

.....Wishing you a good day Nova.  coop