12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Thanks Green...you are unbeatable in your belief that this will end and we will get our lives back..Shine that light dear friend, I am trying to follow....Did you eat something good today? 

...My anxiety came down from an 11 to an 8.5...I can at least follow an hour program.....now, if my thoughts would just stay in thier own lane....

....How was your day?....You definitely sound like you are swimming to the top of this wave.  I am so glad to see it.. coop

[[Gr...]]

Nova,

I'm sorry you had to scrap the walk.  Hopefully the panic is a good omen, a sign of impending healing.

 

I put the bike in the shed, gave up trying.  but I did walk.  My feet hurt so much, they felt like giant lobster feet.  but I kept plodding along.  I managed two miles.  sat in the car for a while, until my feet stopped hurting, and did some more.

 

Are you going to try again tomorrow?

[[Gr...]]

Thanks Green...you are unbeatable in your belief that this will end and we will get our lives back..Shine that light dear friend, I am trying to follow....Did you eat something good today? 

...My anxiety came down from an 11 to an 8.5...I can at least follow an hour program.....now, if my thoughts would just stay in thier own lane....

....How was your day?....You definitely sound like you are swimming to the top of this wave.  I am so glad to see it.. coop

 

Coop, I'm unshakable when I'm not in a wave!  The anxiety, I cry like a baby when it comes  :'( :'(

 

It's a horrible, awful, awful symptom, and I'm so sorry you're getting clobbered.  But I believe with all my heart you're in the home stretch.  Whenever you post, I think of HH, because I remember vividly how bad her anxiety was in her last wave, and I think you might be following her symptom pattern.

 

What did I eat?  Said to hell with it and ate ice cream!

 

Nice and slow.  I talk to myself in a soothing voice all day, whisper encouragement to myself, lol.  This is very hard, this last stretch, and we have to be very loving and gentle with ourselves.

[[Co...]]

Yum..ice cream...perfect...I love caramel/sea salt in cream...

.  Green I hope you are right..

....I hate it that you....or anyone else gets hit with anxiety that puts us on our knees crying for relief. Nobody should have to go through this. I read a post some months ago that suggested that we should start giving hardened crimminals benzo...and then abruptly withdrawing them from it...in place of capital punishment....sorry that's a pretty dark thought...but I can think of a more punishing thing to suffer through..

....carry on with the ice cream......coop

[[Gr...]]

Yum..ice cream...perfect...I love caramel/sea salt in cream...

.  Green I hope you are right..

....I hate it that you....or anyone else gets hit with anxiety that puts us on our knees crying for relief. Nobody should have to go through this. I read a post some months ago that suggested that we should start giving hardened crimminals benzo...and then abruptly withdrawing them from it...in place of capital punishment....sorry that's a pretty dark thought...but I can think of a more punishing thing to suffer through..

....carry on with the ice cream......coop

 

Carry on, Coop!  Let's hope that anxiety goes from 8.5 to 5.

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... how are you doing? ... I seem to have a bit of insomnia again ... sleep for three or four hours, then awake ... don't think I have recovered all the way from that panic hit this morning ...

 

230 AM here ... feeling sort of loopy and tired ...

 

And feeling a little defeated ... oh well, I will get through these early hours and try to get out again in the morning ... I just need to keep trying ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova...I am awake too...finally leveling out from 2 days of anxiety/panic , but still revved...

....Man, I  so sorry you got slammed today. You and me and Green ....rowing in the row boat today...Even though it's so old and we'll worn, it never fails to shake rattle and roll me for a time...

.....I thought I was done with panics since month 15.  Not so...These have been some of the worst. Hoping this is the last big wave for all of us.. I don't think I have too many more left in me..  it gets old but no less crappy...got the card deck out?....

 

[[Co...]]

Ohhh...Green, so sorry you put your bike away. ..breaks my heart.  But you walked 4 miles?!..wow...how do feel now?...physically?....Well, looks like you and me and Nova are rowing in the moon light tonight...I just want my life to be normal again...

[[No...]]

Coop ... my encouragement bucket feels pretty empty ... probably just in one of my feeling down cycles ...

 

Anyway, been through worse ... these dog days of healing sure are getting long ... hope you get a good rest ... I am going to try for some more sleep ... nothing else to do this time of night ...

 

Hope you get a good rest ... talk later ... 

[[Co...]]

Rest well Nova....

[[No...]]

Coop ... I see your light on ... how are you doing? ...

 

I got some more sleep, sort of ... lots of congestion and breathing and chest stuff ... and probably a wave of anxiety ... same old stuff, different day ... going to get out in an hour or so, see what happens ... very nice day here ...

 

Hope we all get to a quiet Monday ... 

[[No...]]

Green ... when is your trip, I am too lazy to look back on the thread? ...

 

Sorry you had to put your bike away ... and good to hear you are out there moving around when you can ... 

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova....Glad to hear that you got some more sleep. We had a thunder storm last night so I am still trying g to at least get a little more rest. My anxiety is down, but I feel it nipping at my heels. I also have the faux asthma cough and really sore chest and back.. all trying to talk to my health fears. I am determined not to listen, but we all know that determination works fairly well...until a panic hits..then all bets are off.

    Nova, I hope your walk goes nicely for you today.. and when you get back, please tell us what you are cooking today.. my appetite is hiding and I need to read your menu to coax it back.....

.....sending you wishes for some sunbreaks today.. .coop

[[be...]]

Morning all,

Happy Memorial Day. I'm resting up from a very long day yesterday. My daughter and granddaughter exhausted me...but it was all good. It all started yesterday afternoon with lunch in a park..it was so nice. Then we walked down the street to a nearby village coffee shop...I love the smell of coffee shops...I had a berry smoothie. Next door to the coffee shop is a 24 room book loft...we spent about three hrs. in there reading and shopping. Then it was off to my daughter's for fire pit fun of hot dogs and  s'mores...I had a hot hot dog but no s'more only a marshmallow..but it was good.

I got home around 11pm and fell into bed...slept all night....I feel tired and a little sore but my symptoms are low so it's not so bad. Today is a rest day of reading and a soak in the tub.

Yesterday was the most fun and the most exercise I've had in 22 months off...feeling it.

 

Last week I was so symptomatic that I couldn't even imagine a day like yesterday..this stuff can and does change on a dime.

 

Look down the road...healing is ahead!!!!   

[[je...]]

Beulah, I'm so happy for you! Sounds like such a fun time with your family. Its so true how things can change overnight, I remember so many times being bedridden only to be out and about the very next day-- its crazy. I think that's why my husband thinks I'm making all this up because he sees me out feeling fine, so when I'm sick in bed the next day I think he thinks I'm faking it. I'm not. Rest up today, again I'm so happy for you! Jenny

[[No...]]

Coop ... not doing so good today ... walked around outside for about an hour ... this throat and sinus congestion stuff ... and shoulder and neck contraction ... this is a lousy day for me ...

 

Beulah ... glad you had such a good day yesterday ... these things do change on a dime ... seems I have lost my dime for a while ...

 

Hi Jenny ... hope you are feeling okay today ...

 

So ... I am just going slow ... trying to stay out of the rabbit hole ...

 

Going to do a chicken pasta bake tonight with a salad ... not very adventurous, not feeling creative today ...

 

[[Co...]]

Beulah...dearest friend...my heart is doing the happiest happy dance for you♡♡...I am so thrilled to read of your beautiful day with your daughter and granddaughter.  Your story gave me happy tears for you.....You deserve that day... and thousands more . ....It all sounds so good and right..."The most fun I have had in 22 months" 

....Your post had renewed my hopes for healing....all the way.

It is cold and rainy here today...I am having much less anxiety .. but really worn out...the dog and I are snuggled up in bed watching some morning programs and having some decaf...too much bad news...think I will switch to the Turner Classics for a good old black and white something with Jim my Stewart or Jack Lemmon...

....Yes, indeed this is so unpredictable.. One day you think you are dying...or that the world is filled with awful people, or consumed with nerve pain, or drowning in depression...the next day you can wake up in a window and can barely recall why the past 2/3 weeks were such a struggle.

...My cough has evolved into more upper respiratory sx ( some congestion and earache..which is actually reassuring to me as it provides something reasonable and concrete to explain the breathlessness. I am more able to accept that a sense of not being able to breathe is classic anxiety and so common in w/d.  .it was just new for me...there is no end to the possibilities of w/d sx..  Hoping I will have maybe a day at least of a break from the killer anxiwty

.... Beulah....enjoy the happiness of yesterday...wrap it around you like a silk comforter...sink into it and savor it all day.....love to you coop....

[[Co...]]

Nova....I think this breathing and congestion think takes a long time ...I was busy all of yesterday morning... today I am still in bed ...and the dog seems to be agreeable to not going out in the rain....my anxiety is better...hovering but not tilting to panic...

.....A quiet day ....seems right for this day...I hope you feel better as the day moves along....I think your dinner sounds wonderful....chicken and pasta.. think I will make that myself......thinking of you Nova.....coop

[[Co...]]

Jenny....nobody could fake this awfulness. My daughter in law flat out thinks I enjoy my 'vertigo' because it brings me sympathy from my son and daughter...even though she is an RN she does not understand vertigo ( my cover for w/d)...my son and daughter know I am withdrawing from ativan and they are both understanding and supportive, but have a hard time accepting that 18.5 months out I am still having tough days. ...I am so sorry that your husband can not provide more support for you...there is no way that we can do this without support..  How are you doing today?....thinking of you and sending support....coop

 

[[be...]]

Beulah, I'm so happy for you! Sounds like such a fun time with your family. Its so true how things can change overnight, I remember so many times being bedridden only to be out and about the very next day-- its crazy. I think that's why my husband thinks I'm making all this up because he sees me out feeling fine, so when I'm sick in bed the next day I think he thinks I'm faking it. I'm not. Rest up today, again I'm so happy for you! Jenny

 

Jenny, this is so confusing to our loved ones..they mean no harm..they just don't understand it..and we don't either. Yes, a lot of people in my family have cast doubts of my withdrawal and healing process..while it's hurtful to me ..I have to put myself in their shoes..what would I think?

 

The best we can do is just keep healing and try not to let peoples negative comments get in our way...plenty of time for that when I heal...then I'll take care of that junk in the trunk.

[[be...]]

Beulah...dearest friend...my heart is doing the happiest happy dance for you♡♡...I am so thrilled to read of your beautiful day with your daughter and granddaughter.  Your story gave me happy tears for you.....You deserve that day... and thousands more . ....It all sounds so good and right..."The most fun I have had in 22 months" 

....Your post had renewed my hopes for healing....all the way.

It is cold and rainy here today...I am having much less anxiety .. but really worn out...the dog and I are snuggled up in bed watching some morning programs and having some decaf...too much bad news...think I will switch to the Turner Classics for a good old black and white something with Jim my Stewart or Jack Lemmon...

....Yes, indeed this is so unpredictable.. One day you think you are dying...or that the world is filled with awful people, or consumed with nerve pain, or drowning in depression...the next day you can wake up in a window and can barely recall why the past 2/3 weeks were such a struggle.

...My cough has evolved into more upper respiratory sx ( some congestion and earache..which is actually reassuring to me as it provides something reasonable and concrete to explain the breathlessness. I am more able to accept that a sense of not being able to breathe is classic anxiety and so common in w/d.  .it was just new for me...there is no end to the possibilities of w/d sx..  Hoping I will have maybe a day at least of a break from the killer anxiwty

.... Beulah....enjoy the happiness of yesterday...wrap it around you like a silk comforter...sink into it and savor it all day.....love to you coop....

 

Thank you coop. You're right one day we think we're dying and the next day we're up and about...it's all crazy.

I still get some of those awful ear aches with the breathing stuff. I keep thinking I might have an ear infection..but I don't..I only get the ear pain on very symptomatic days..I think it's nerve pain.

I had the breathless feeling yesterday morning..by mid afternoon it was gone..just like a light switch turned it off.

I know that crushing anxiety is torturing you coop..you are so strong to hold in there and keep moving.

Hoping for a peaceful and low symptom day for you..just do whatever you wanna do.

Big hugs to you.

[[be...]]

Coop ... not doing so good today ... walked around outside for about an hour ... this throat and sinus congestion stuff ... and shoulder and neck contraction ... this is a lousy day for me ...

 

Beulah ... glad you had such a good day yesterday ... these things do change on a dime ... seems I have lost my dime for a while ...

 

Hi Jenny ... hope you are feeling okay today ...

 

So ... I am just going slow ... trying to stay out of the rabbit hole ...

 

Going to do a chicken pasta bake tonight with a salad ... not very adventurous, not feeling creative today ...

 

 

Nova, sorry you're having a lousy day..going slow seems to work in my favor most of the time...don't want to go down that rabbit hole.

Yum, the chicken pasta bake sounds good. The more bland I eat the better I feel...not much in the adventurous cooking or eating.

Feel better.

[[No...]]

Hi ... got fed up ... cleaned the bathrooms and the kitchen floor ... still feel lousy ... and I have a shiny mirror to growl into ... 

 

Nope ... no rabbit holes ... one hour I am dying ... another hour I am lousy .. another hour and I have to check that it is me ... 

 

We just keep on keeping on ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova, you and I are living parellel lives....I woke up...sx very mild and anxiety just a rumble in the distance like the thunder outside....made some nice decaf...very little coffee..a mountain of foam....settled back into bed all cozy with the dog...watching something on the Classics ...all ready to have a  nice little snooze....that lasted until I closed my eyes...BOOM...panic...followed by shaking anxiety and terrorizing health fear. I hunkered down for a miserable day...did some breathing ( didn't do much for that level of fear)...pushed myself out of bed....the poor dog was desperate by then. I was sure I would have a heart attack while out on the walking track...and didn't care...it was one of those moments of, " fine.. just let me die then"....I didn't die...by the time we got around the track I noticed that I wasn't as crazed...Now ...an hour later, anxiwty is moderate at most and mostly mental.....Who knows what the next hour will bring  ...So join me on the merry go round...maybe we will both catch the gold ring and catch a window....coop

[[Co...]]

Does anybody know anything about shingles? ...When I was at the doctor's last week the ARNP.noticed a blistery rash on my side..on the back where I couldn't see it. It wasn't bothering me other than it was itchy a few days prior...but it wasn't painful like all the commercials . I didn't even know it was there, but she was adamant that that was what they are...

....just wondering....not worried about those as they are not bothering me....thanks buddies.....coop