12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Morning buds...the sun just came out

It's been rainy and cool here for the last couple of days.

 

Coop..so happy your morning is better....you really deserve a break.

Nova..sorry your morning is rough..this up and down gets very old...but like you said...been through worse.

 

My morning isn't to bad...struggling with some tightness and nerve pain...nothing new.

I walked outside this morning to see all of the wildflowers in bloom...the lavender smells so nice ..I wish I could bring some inside...but still got the smell thing going on.

 

 

Woke up craving taco salad...making it for dinner...it's funny how my appetite also waxes and wanes.

Let's get through this day...one day at a time.

 

 

[[dr...]]

Siggy ... I see your light off ... hope you are getting some rest ...

 

Resting my eyes but no sleep will come. Heavy pulsing in my brain / forehead. Sorry you've had a rough night. Was in a decent waking trance until our boy cat started scratching at our closed guest bedroom door. Then he finds a plastic wrapper under the bed he wants to chew on and play with. Not sure what messed up my three day streak. Took magnesium for two nights earlier in the week. So that may be helping some. It just makes my skin burning worse.

 

Sorry you're not feeling great.

 

LOL...my damn cats are responsible for me waking up at least twice a night.  One sits on me and purrs...if I don't wake up she then gently paws my face...the other one starts mewing for some random reason.  When I call her she jumps up on the bed and stops immediately.  My question is why doesn't she just jump on the bed and cut out the mewing part of the ritual?

[[dr...]]

fantastic news coop...even if it is a small sunbreak at least you have some time to recharge for the next part of the day with whatever it shall bring. 

 

Nova-hope you get a break here.  Man...you have been on quite a ride lately.

 

Siggy-sleep...as we all know it is a make or break to how we feel.

 

Hope everyone else is doing well.

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... I see your light off ... hope you are getting some rest ...

 

Resting my eyes but no sleep will come. Heavy pulsing in my brain / forehead. Sorry you've had a rough night. Was in a decent waking trance until our boy cat started scratching at our closed guest bedroom door. Then he finds a plastic wrapper under the bed he wants to chew on and play with. Not sure what messed up my three day streak. Took magnesium for two nights earlier in the week. So that may be helping some. It just makes my skin burning worse.

 

Sorry you're not feeling great.

 

LOL...my damn cats are responsible for me waking up at least twice a night.  One sits on me and purrs...if I don't wake up she then gently paws my face...the other one starts mewing for some random reason.  When I call her she jumps up on the bed and stops immediately.  My question is why doesn't she just jump on the bed and cut out the mewing part of the ritual?

 

Ha ha yeah cats are so weird. The two we have use to sleep in the bed, but I think they got tired of my kicking (when I was a asleep of course). I think the older one knows I don't feel great as she comes up to me when I get home and I can just tell she knows. The younger boy cat on the other hand, couldn't care at all. 

[[Co...]]

Nova, after 20 minutes outside, I am right there with you.  Exactly the same...shaking.. air hunger... ( in spite of inhaler)..cough and breathlessness when I talk...Hop on in my row boat....I will take an oar and we can do this together..so sorry Nova...If I lived in your city we could walk/not walk together.. My coughing is bringing me one mini panic after another..  so much for sunbreaks.. I am thinking of you Nova...love to you dear friend..  coop

[[be...]]

Wonder how Jenny is doing.

 

Hey Green..I pm'd her a few days ago...she's struggling with some nasty waves and depression.

Said she'd be back after she gets over this hump...also said she's keeping us all in her thoughts.

Let's send her some love...in hopes she sees this.

 

Jenny..we miss you..hope you are feeling better.

Many hugs and healing prayers coming your way.

[[Fl...]]

Coop, glad everything checked out ok but sorry your morning window didn't last long.  Nova, sorry you're in the soup too.  Hope your day improves.  I'm my usual nervous wreck but the weather here is gorgeous.  Let's keep hanging in.

[[be...]]

Nova, after 20 minutes outside, I am right there with you.  Exactly the same...shaking.. air hunger... ( in spite of inhaler)..cough and breathlessness when I talk...Hop on in my row boat....I will take an oar and we can do this together..so sorry Nova...If I lived in your city we could walk/not walk together.. My coughing is bringing me one mini panic after another..  so much for sunbreaks.. I am thinking of you Nova...love to you dear friend..  coop

 

Coop, the inhaler doesn't relieve any of my coughing ..but does help me get a deeper breath. I haven't used it for a while...it's more of a crutch...it also gives me anxiety.

I sure wish I knew more about this breathing and coughing stuff that attacks so many of us in withdrawal. I do know benzos relax our lungs...so maybe this is the way our lungs heal...such a mean way to heal though.

[[Sk...]]

Hi ... having a lousy day ... croaky throat ... swallowing misfiring ... and air hunger ... all the usual culprits these days ...

 

So ... I have given up on Wednesday ... will get through til bedtime and try again tomorrow ... the only good I feel today is that I am one day closer ...

 

 

Nova, what's up with the swallowing?  You say misfire.  Mine feels like I get nervous when anything goes down and throat tightens up a little?  What is yours?

 

When I had trouble swallowing, I noticed a connection with what I ate and taking aways some foods, helped diminuish it. I don't know if this applies to you guys, it's an awful symptom.

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi ... here is a good omen story ... I have been using a small black stone when things get rough ... I rub it in my fingers, twirl I through my hand ... a soothing stone ... have had it for ages ... "found" it just before I started my taper ... it has been rubbed shiny with all the oil from my hands ...

 

On my Tuesday ramble a small opaque quartzy stone appeared in my path ... out of wherever these things come from ... brought it home ... needs some rubbing to smooth it out ... now they are both here ... quite a contrast between the two .. I accept this as an omen of my healing ... 

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi ... here is my super-dooper take on this breathing stuff ... totally unscientific and totally non-medical ... tried to run this by a nurse and a pharmacist I know ... their response was crossed eyes and kind of a weird look like "what's he been smoking?" ... so that may mean I am either completely out to lunch or they were just having a bad day ...

 

And once again, this side effect combo mimics other "normal" stuff ... so who knows? ...

 

The cycle starts in my stomach and guts ... gas and acid probably ... a benzo version of reflux ... and the reflux moves up into my mouth and sinus ... nasty metal taste and sometimes some slight burning ... this cycle is not associated with eating, taking an otc med, or a telemarketer ... and it has a mind of its own ...

 

There seems to be a connection with the throat in that there is often a constriction sensation and a cough response ... there is often a sinus response of nasal drip and sneezing ... and then the air hunger response often kicks in ... intense or mild ...

 

And abracadabra ... another benzo misery ... and for me it can be intense or mild, it can wax and wane throughout the day, and it will totally disappear and then reappear ...

 

I cannot determine whether the anxiety response is a trigger or a fallout, or both ... probably both ... benzo stuff always seems to like to do things in stereo for some of us ... keeps us on our toes ...

 

And ... this is a "late" manifesting syndrome ... I am not aware of it being around for me until maybe five or six months ago ... and I have found no response on my part that alleviates it ... once again, it shows up, does it thing, maybe hangs around for a while and then vanishes ...

 

And ... it can be very intense, sometimes lasting for hours ...

 

Hope this may help a bit ... I know it has kept me out of that rabbit hole of health fear several times ... it ain't pleasant and it does not seem to be harmful ... just like all the other stuff we have been through or are currently going through ...

 

 

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi Beulah ... I love the scent of lavender ... I could roll in it all day like a lazy dog ... 

[[No...]]

Flicka ... that's what we do ... we keep hangin' in ... good to hear form you ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... after a rough seven or eight hours my stuff seems to have dialed down for a while ... so I can row for a while ... 

[[Co...]]

Oh..Beulah....I think you are on to something.  You are so right.. the nebulizer in the doctor's office improved the getting a full breath.  But this morning the wracking cough got me.. and it scares me so I think anxiety makes it worse in so many ways....Thank you for the reminder that benzos relax muscles...When I soak in the Epsome salts or put a hot pack over my chest it does guiet down ...quite a bit actually. Yes, the inhaler isn't helping me much either.  This stuff just keeps beating us bloody over the head.  However I am much more hopeful of healing than I was yesterday. 

... I pm'd Jenny too.  She is having a rough road right now.  Sending love and support to her ...♡

....How are you doing Beulah? .. Is your breathing improving at all? ....The thing about this wave is it seems like we are getting hit with the entire arsenal...like in acute except some of the sx are new. From months 7-11 I was only dealing with 2/3 sx and managing ....and my health fear was not as raging

...Let's hope that this is it.  That benzo just took everything left in the quiver and lobbed it at us...and that's the end of all of this ..  Wishing you sunbreaks. ..coop

[[Co...]]

Nova.. that article I read on the other thread regarding breathing issues clearly stated that the breathing issue can be directly related to reflux.  I will send you the link if I can. It was listed on the Post Withdrawl board under subject .  Breathing issues.  quite a ways down now I believe. I think the link was in one of the posts.  ....You are not off on this.  .coop

[[be...]]

Yes coop, my breathing is improving..it's not everyday..anymore...it's more like a couple of days a week..worse in the morning.

Yes..year two is very hard..a different healing happening. I swore if I could get through year one I could get through anything..year one was more mental ..yr. two physical.

We're just going along for the ride..although not enjoyable...can't wait till we reach our destination.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Nova. .I can't find that thread...will keep looking...it was a very informative article regarding real and faux dyspnea and it gave gave several example of what can cause faux dyspnea...and reflux was clearly one of them.  also esophageal spasms...I will continue to look for it. My daughter is here now and I have to go do some errands, but I will come back to it.. .coop

[[be...]]

Hi Beulah ... I love the scent of lavender ... I could roll in it all day like a lazy dog ... 

 

So could I..lavender is one of my favorite scents....just can't tolerate a lot of smells right now.

So after I'm healed...I will roll in the lavender like a lazy dog...as a matter of fact I will do anything I wanna do...no stopping me...weeeee.

[[je...]]

Hi all,

 

Sorry I had to take a break, I haven't felt that sick in a long time--not just physically sick, but my brain felt very damaged. I still feel very off, I guess its the dp/dr. This whole process is wearing me down and Im not very optimistic as I used to be. I think we all need to see some positive changes to keep us going a few more months. I just noticed Im 20 month out today, I had to recalculate because I thought I was at month 21. Yipee, NOT! Anyhow, just want you all to know I love you all--and a big thank you to Beulah, Coop, and Green for reaching out to me during this rough week. Love, Jenny 

[[Sk...]]

Hi all,

 

Sorry I had to take a break, I haven't felt that sick in a long time--not just physically sick, but my brain felt very damaged. I still feel very off, I guess its the dp/dr. This whole process is wearing me down and Im not very optimistic as I used to be. I think we all need to see some positive changes to keep us going a few more months. I just noticed Im 20 month out today, I had to recalculate because I thought I was at month 21. Yipee, NOT! Anyhow, just want you all to know I love you all--and a big thank you to Beulah, Coop, and Green for reaching out to me during this rough week. Love, Jenny 

 

So nice of you to come and check in on  us, even if you are having a bad time. 20 months ? Great! You are one step further out of this hell, sorry to hear you are doing so badly.

 

Take all the time you need, you will know when you are well enough to come back. 

[[dr...]]

Jenny-boo on the wave but you will heal and every day is one day closer.  yay on 20 months

[[Te...]]

Nova,

I get what your saying ....I woke up at 3:30...to stomach pain pressure....then went into difficult breathing....then throat was tight.....mouth and jaw where tight...I wear night guard .....taste got worse along with burning feeling inside....a little horse today...throat is sore......I feel it's some type of a chemical that runs thru my mouth,throat, and stomach......I don't feed this by anxiety....it woke me up...I was pacing for 1 1/2 hours...then started to get anxious when pain and breathing wouldn't east.......So much discomfort was thinking I should go to ER......but didn't

TM

[[No...]]

TM ... thank you for your info ... and I don't feel this "syndrome" is induced by anxiety ... I suspect this is a manifestation of healing within the hpa axis ...

 

One of the roles of the hpa axis is to regulate the stress response ... and ... because I used a benzo this pathway became deregulated ... as with so many other pathways in my body ... and they are healing ... all of them ... and I feel most of our experience of side effects is an experience of this healing ...

 

That said ... the process is often experienced as hell on wheels ... which also makes sense to me ... healing this stuff, for some of us, for whatever reasons, takes a good deal of time ...

 

Before my use of the drug and before the commencement of the panic cycle that brought me to the drug I used to have a very good sense of what I call my inner gyroscope ... my sense of well being ... my sense of calm which I could call on at will ... all of these became over time disrupted by the drug ... hijacked by the drug, if you will ...

 

And now I am living in a healing process that is ever so gradually restoring them to me ... after the chaos of acute began to settle down I am getting glimpses of their return ... and they still fade in and out ... and I still have no sense of being able to call on them at will ... that is slowly returning ... bit by bit ...

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... sorry you are having such a rough time ... these months have been hard a many of us ... and we will get better ... I know that in my bones ... and it just doesn't feel like it most of the time these last few weeks ...

 

Hang on ... you will get better ... we all will ...