12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Coop ... I walked for three hours today ... no air hunger, no reflux ... and I did enjoy myself ... got home, breathing stuff and reflux stuff started up ... all very confusing ... actually ramped up into a full slam ... now just jerking around from time to time ... and getting some boatiness thrown in ...

 

Go figure ... for me this is recovery, nothing else ... and there doesn't seem anything to do other than trying not to stress myself out over this craziness ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova, I saw that you went on a 3 hour ramble...wow...Dome good healing there !....Sorry to hear that it the air hunger and reflux landed on you afterwards. If I asked you this before, please forgive me....when you have the breathing issue does it cause you to cough? ....

....Nova...I am running out of zen...hoping I can go another 6 months....this is no way to live ..but neither is staying on ativan...almost 19 months...you are ahead of me and ...still healing and maintaining your zen.....thank you for being here with us....coop

[[be...]]

Coop,

 

I have this breathless thing also....they said my breathing is normal...for age I guess this is the oxygen levels it's a breathing test I've had two chest X-rays in the last 6months...normal....but I feel far from normal breathing....they thinks it might be reflux...did a barium swallow test....which showed both throat and upper stomach spasms during test.....so much burning up Esphogus .......having no luck with reflux meds.....truly at lost......im I the only one that has this burning bad taste....I swear it's like hot acid at times then switches to chemical gas....it's nothing like normal reflex.....I'm struggling with inner burning pain.....it makes me cryDoyle to discomfort.....don't know what to ....does anyone  one have any suggestions...to burning mouth and throat...some days I just shake due to discomfort...

 

TM

Texas, I can tell you I have had the acid reflux and mouth burning for almost two years. I have always had an acidic stomach and I have a hiatal hernia..which doesn't help....but I have never had the amount of acid that I have now. I have to be very careful in my diet of no citric juices or fruit and low acidic foods. I also have to take zantac a few times a week.

I still have the burning throat and mouth in a wave..out of a wave it doesn't burn..I think the burning in the mouth and throat is withdrawal and not acid..I think all of my stomach burn is acid and withdrawal.

We can't make sense out of this...but please know..nothing in or on our bodies is exempt from withdrawal symptoms and worsened preexisting problems.

I sympathize with you and I know this will calm down in time.

Hugs.

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep, the cough is there, showed up last January ... comes and goes as well ...

 

Tough as this stuff is, being on the drug was tougher ... for me, no matter how long this process takes, I will be in better shape than before ... and everyone who has healed says the same ...

 

Hang on Coop ... we are getting better ... and some days it feels like crap ... 

[[Co...]]

Yep. Nova ...you are right...some days are crap....but undrugged crap....onward I guess....can't believe you're out there rambling around for 3 hours...you must be making up for all those weeks you had to stay in waiting for mountains of snow to melt.....have a good evening Nova....coop

[[Co...]]

Texas Mama....I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I can't imagine having burning sensations constantly...I know this a bad day, but it just seems like we suffer so much trying to get off this stuff...

.....TM....I truly wish you some relief from the pain....coop

[[Te...]]

I know Coop you understand but my gosh this is sooooo terrible....breathing problems then lets add some acid to it....I'm so sad that I tapered way to fast...if this is life .....omg....

I was on the crap for eight years....way to many years......

 

My oncologist ......asked me several times who was refilling the  clonazepam scripts....she said the med is the devil......I didn't believe her........when I told her in February....I was struggling she said she wasn't surprise.....due to my body being so sensitive to meds....she said she listened to a speaker once telling doctors of horror stories of benzo withdrawals.....never thought it would be this crazy bad....never

 

Hugs! TM

[[Gr...]]

Ok buddies....I am breathless when speaking ( not always).  Dr days everything is ok.  maybe upper respiratory  virus.. oxygen is ok ...and chest x-ray clear...but I am frantic with fear.....anybody getting breathless...beyond that 'can't get a full breath' sensation.  I am getting full breaths .just breathe and talk much at the same time.  2 panics over this today.. refused v at doctor's office.. but boy I wanted something  ...walked out med free....coop

 

Coop,

don't you remember when Jenny said she couldn't breathe?  I think this is it.  And I get pretty breathless out of nowhere, just having a conversation, and it feels like I'm panting a little, trying to catch my breath.  it seems unprovoked.  I've had this before, so it didn't rattle me so much.

 

and lots of chest tightness and muscle spasms in the chest?

Gee, who the hell could ever make this stuff up?

 

Hang on,  it will pass soon.

[[Gr...]]

Coop..I get that often especially when I am on the phone with a client.  it is just your CNS doing its thing.  Look at the positive news that the doc said everything is ok!  It seems to me you are in a state of health fear and you are working yourself up looking for an answer that doesn't exist except it's withdrawal.  Please don't get mad with me as I can totally relate.  I am anxious today with my head symptoms and I have fought the urge to go to dr. google all day.  I have  to just accept it is a symptom of recovery from this mess but my mind wants me to think it is a stroke type thing  the CT scan I had could miss.  I am right there with you!  Using my cbt methods to show me how flawedmy thinking can be.  You are starting that soon right?  Some times we have to believe a sheep is just a sheep and not a wolf in a sheep's clothes

 

Drew, in 2-3 sentences, what is the CBT method?

[[Gr...]]

Green ... sorry you are swimming in the misery ... it will let up again ... and I agree about the distinction between year one and year two ...

 

Yep ... this morning I just said to hell with it ... I can sit here and be miserable or I can walk and be miserable ... and I don't walk "hard" ... more of a ramble sort of thing ... I have my sticks and I took some read and cheese and water ... took about 45 minutes to get into a sort of zone and I just kept going ... there are many places nearby that are quiet and sort of "just there" while I move through them ...

 

Started getting a little tired so I walked home ...

 

I am a rambler from way back ... haven't done any long treks in many years and probably won't again ... and that is okay ... I have other commitments that probably don't allow them anymore ... I am just looking for that "feeling" ... that "knowing" that walking is available to me ...

 

There are some longer treks around here now and they are teasing me a bit ... looking into them for the future ... easy stuff ... not like the Canadian Rockies of many moons ago ... those days have long gone for me ...

 

Hope you have an easier day and things lighten up a bit ... 

 

Nova, hearing you talking about rambling and trekking did something amazing for my spirit, it gave me hope.  I am so glad, you have no idea, so, so glad you said to hell with it and went for it, sticks and snacks.  That's what this whole nightmare is about, getting your life back, going for a ramble. 

Canadian Rockies, dang, as Jenny would say.  I suspected you were a serious hiker.  The sticks gave you away.

Keep walking, my friend.

[[Gr...]]

I guess today, I am the one asking, "why am I doing this?"..

.....please remind me .. .I had panic and anxiety ( not quite like this) while taking ativan.  Never before..the drug is not the answer....the drug is the problem....

...Thanks for hearing this rant....coop

 

Coop, Nova went for a long walk with his sticks.  That's very positive.  It's going to get better.

 

Coop, this is wave thinking.  It's the anxiety, it works on the brain.  You're in a wave  Take a very deep breath and try to stay calm.  I know it's been horrible, I've been in an awful place, too  but I think we're going to get some breaks.

 

I wish they wouldn't offer us medication.  Remember what the 2.5 did to you?  the intensity of this wave may even be related to that rescue dose.

 

Is your cough productive?

[[Fi...]]

Green--cognitive behaviour therapy involves identifying the errors in your thinking that are getting you into trouble.  You learn techniques for testing things you're worried about.  You look at the evidence to support whatever irrational thought you're having.

 

I've never gone for therapy with a counsellor along these lines, but the Feeling Good Handbook by a Dr. Burns is kind of the gold standard.

 

Sorry you guys are having so much trouble.

[[Sk...]]

Coop..I get that often especially when I am on the phone with a client.  it is just your CNS doing its thing.  Look at the positive news that the doc said everything is ok!  It seems to me you are in a state of health fear and you are working yourself up looking for an answer that doesn't exist except it's withdrawal.  Please don't get mad with me as I can totally relate.  I am anxious today with my head symptoms and I have fought the urge to go to dr. google all day.  I have  to just accept it is a symptom of recovery from this mess but my mind wants me to think it is a stroke type thing  the CT scan I had could miss.  I am right there with you!  Using my cbt methods to show me how flawedmy thinking can be.  You are starting that soon right?  Some times we have to believe a sheep is just a sheep and not a wolf in a sheep's clothes

 

Drew, in 2-3 sentences, what is the CBT method?

 

OMG, thanks Sue, I thought I was the only one !!  I always assume it's me out of the loop !

 

everybody suggests it all the time here, but what is it actually ? then they give you links and websites but if I could read and understand them, I would not be in wd, would  I ?

 

You maade me laugh, thanks !

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... Wednesday here in the drippy, soggy Maritimes ... no ramble today ... had the thought I would defrost our upright freezer ... it is Spring after all and the new veggies will start flowing in a couple of weeks around here ... and then I chose to watch Season 6 of The Mentalist ...

 

Will do that until I get bored and then maybe the freezer ...

 

No fallout from my ramble yesterday ... muscles and bones feel good ... and doing a little nose thumbing at the Beast ...

 

Just sitting here with this "congestion" and head pressure and benzo belly ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet day ... 

[[be...]]

Nova..I'm doing a happy dance for you..the long walk didn't do you in

We have a veggie garden sprouting at our daughters house...she has the room for a big garden and younger bones and muscles to tend to it.

 

The mentalist is my husband's favorite show...I don't dare make a noise when he's watching it.

 

I've got some morning adrenaline rushes going on...I told them to take a hike...they don't listen very well.

 

Happy Wednesday...now let's get over this hump day.

[[No...]]

Hi Beulah ... nope, they sure don't listen very well ... I am doing the air hunger thing with I suppose anxiety ... and the tingle arms thingie ... same old stuff, different day ...

 

I keep walking around the apartment every so often ... guess I am looking for a "way out" ... there isn't one so I just sit down and watch some more, until I get up the next time ...

 

I think the freezer defrost is on hold until another day ...

 

Hope you have a quiet Wednesday ... 

[[Sk...]]

Nova, I was thinking about your three hour walk, and it may have been a bit daring but it's amazing that you were able to do it at all. My legs feel like two pieces of wood, so that what you did was an accomplishment, a sign of healing.

 

It's hard to talk about healing when we seem to be taking one step ahead and two backwards, but I guess benzo wd has rules of its own, very counter intuitive rules at that.

 

For instance, now, I am having a bad writing moment, I just keep switching the letters. Not the worse thing in the book, but I hate what it stands for.

 

Hope you are ok Michael, you were right in taking that walk. 

Last Sunday, I tried to take a bike ride in the country to go and see a field of poppies, amazing to see, just this sea of red before me, but my body was aching and tired, so I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I would have. It wasn't far, you see, it should not have been so tiring.

 

Then, I sort of broke down, I said, ok, I am giving up, I am not even trying.

 

But it's normal to have these moments of desperation, just so that we know what they are, a symptom, nothing else.

And they are horrible, they totally cloud your judgement.

 

Ok, speak later, I am going to buy some fruit now.

[[Te...]]

Thank you everyone for comforting me on the burning mouth and throat.....heck even my left eye was burning last night...ugh.....

I'm sure the stomach muscle spasms are making burning worse.......

Wish you all a great Day!

TM

[[Co...]]

Good morning buddies...I hope everyone is feeling the healing today.

  .I am going to take a break from posting . I am so sick and crazed , I am a little hopeless and ambivalent about the process. So in that state of mind I don't have a lot of positive to bring to the thread and I don't want to bring more misery to our wonderful group. I will be lurking every day and will come back on when things turn around

.....I love every single one of you and your support has been absolutely invaluable to me. I so want healing for all of us

.....love to each of my friends here....coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-do whatever you feel best doing but please do not stop posting because you feel it is too depressing.  We all need one thread where we can be how we really feel and not pretend.  This is it for us.

 

Well...I went to the baseball game and for the first time I can remember in my adult life I had no anxiety!  I mostly enjoyed the game for 7 innings and then went home.  I tried a game last year and left after the 4th inning I felt so bad.  The migraine stuff is slowly leaving.  I woke up this morning and had several surges but no anxiety with them.  It's like I can seperate my brain from getting fearful over the symptoms.

 

I then was having "what if" anixety over a 10am meeting since my last one I ended in the ER   I then was having "what if" anxiety over a 10am meeting since my last one I ended in the ER   actually, meetings have always have sent me to the moon with anxiety so I feel if I conquer this situation I can handle any of them.  I went into the meeting not caring if I got hit.  I did great for 15 minutes and then I got a surge and my eye and brain felt weird.  I knew it wasn't anything dangerous.  I was very jumpy from theweird sensations so I just said in a matter of fact tone "I recently had a migraine and I am having some effects from the med, I am sorry".  I just moved on in the meeting and it was wrapping up.  Part of my mind wanted to run but I have to just be with the sensations and realize they are harmless.  exposure therapy.  I escorted her to the door looking and acting very normal and wished her well.  Adrenaline surge and symptoms now winding down as expected.  I didn't panic after the initial surge and I am trying to get my brain to look forward to meetings as challenges to get better at this. 

[[Co...]]

Drew, just your description of how you used your CBT to stay in your rational mind with sx gave me courage. I am sitting visualizing the fact that ....all I know factually is that I have an asthma like cough that causes a sensation of breathlessness.. ( you know my mind wants to go all over 100 catastrophic scenarios...because I unsuspectingly read that article here that said hear failure can be a possibility)...but what is known is only that I have asthma like sx....which others also talk about in w/d...This is the only known ...stop thinking right there.  No more thinging ...

....I am practicing your strategy of using the sensation as 'exposure'...and trying to know that it is only a feeling and won't hurt me......I just feel that I need to know that there isn't anything that needs treatment....I am trying to be quiet and relax ...and keep cutting off the looping catastrophic thoughts.....thank you so much Drew for putting that exposure comment on the thread.  It was exactly what I needed to see...I really want CBT and working with a biofeedback therapist to work as well for me as it has for you....you are pretty amazing friend...love to you....jae

[[dr...]]

I am glad I can help you coop!  just so you know i don't feel like I am doing that well.  I am always working on this and the new symptom of being able to "feel" my brain doing things will scare me if I let it.  I just write down how ridiculous it would be that if something was seriously wrong it would really only show itself during client meetings.    I have to assume this is a new system which will disappear and then I will forget it like many of my other symptoms that are mostly gone.

 

I have been battling thoughts the last few days of "what if this is it for healing and I don't get any better?".  I then wake up with my ear hissing which I am pretty sure I can't control with my magical powers and say "I still have a long way to go...these drugs have really done a number on me".  I am fast approaching thriteen months and I really hope I am healing.

 

 

[[No...]]

Drew ... yep, this is the place ... and the big riddle ... how can I be safe with all the crazy stuff going on? ... and messing with myself in the "what if?" game ...

 

So many have posted that most of this is about perception ... easy to say and to read ... hard to practice ... I have often felt this is a foreign landscape I am traveling through ... where confusion is often present ...

 

And ... we have gotten this far, with ourselves and with this thread ... and we just keep going ...

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... tough times, eh? ... not many answers that make a lot of sense these days ... we just say how it is for ourselves each day ... and sometimes we feel we need a rest from the thread ...

 

You are not a downer, you are not a whiner ... you are a lovely soul confused, suffering and probably very tired ... rest a while if you can ... we are here when you are ... 

[[No...]]

Hi ... having a lousy day ... croaky throat ... swallowing misfiring ... and air hunger ... all the usual culprits these days ...

 

So ... I have given up on Wednesday ... will get through til bedtime and try again tomorrow ... the only good I feel today is that I am one day closer ...