12-18 month support

[[Sk...]]

From the mentoring thread:

 

I read this quote on Facebook today. I couldn't figure out how to attach the image though:

"Basically, my body is made out of 60% water, and 19% fear.

The only reason I have ever been able to create anything, is because the remainder of my body is made out of CURIOSITY.

That's right: I'm composed of 60% water, 19% fear, and 21% curiosity.

Curiosity always wins by a nose!

Thus, creativity has a chance to thrive within me, despite my many terrors.

So that's my prayer for you all — not that you will become fearless, but that you will always be SLIGHTLY more curious about the world than you are frightened of it.

Because the victory of curiosity is the fertile field where exploration, invention, transformation and creation will all begin to grow."

 

Wise words for all of us. I'd like to be more curious today than afraid and trust that all of this is going to work out. Healing will come.

[[No...]]

Sky ... yep ... "we are way to cool for that" ... 

[[dr...]]

hey all...I saw this post on the general board and I thought it was a good reminder of what we all seem to know or learned....poor soul...

 

After being benzo free for 10 months and dealing with withdrawal symptoms for 2.5 years, I took one .5 mg xanax and completely relapsed, all symptoms came back worse then ever anxiety attacks, headaches neck pain backpain, depression, suicidal thoughts. Its been 5 days and i have had to take .25 mg klonopin to get through the anxiety attacks.  Any advice on this relapse? I was never sure Benzo withdrwals was actually what was causing me problems in the past but this has now confirmed that it has .

 

 

coop-I am still wavy but if I am not in an environment that causes stimulation I am okay passing the time.  On that note I have a baseball game tonight which I committed to last week before my stuff hit.   I can tell my brain is returning to normal after the migraine like symptoms since Saturday.  While I still have cog fog and tingles in my brain it is less.  I did wake up with a huge adrenaline rush and crazy ass thoughts this morning but I usually have a heightened trigger during this episodes for a few days.

 

[[be...]]

Food ... Clean Out The Fridge Chicken Chili ...

 

Leftover roasted chicken ...

 

Some brown lentils ... from the freezer ...

Some kidney beans ... from the freezer ...

 

Onions ... celery ... carrots ... garlic ... and any left over red, green or yellow peppers ...

 

Stewed tomatoes ... and tomato paste ... and the leftover ketchup bottle ... and any left over tomatoes ...

 

Cumin ... oregano ... and basil ...

 

Big pot ... cook slow ... season to taste ... and eat ... and if there is a good deal left over, freeze a container for down the road ...

 

 

Yay...food talk. Oh..that sounds so yummy. I love clean out the fridge food...throw it all in a pot and simmer.

Thanks Nova

[[be...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Had a terribly disheartening day yesterday.  More than just the usual can't get off the couch stuff.  Really sad and worried that this isn't going away.

 

I'm so glad I read Korbe's post about going to Salt Lake.  For the longest time, I have had to curb my urge to fight withdrawal, for the obvious reasons, that I will not win, withdrawal is too big and too bad, it will crush me, punish me if I push against the symptoms, try to fight them  I had to learn acceptance, which I definitely wasn't good at before, which is a good thing in some ways.  actually, it's hard to think about fighting when you feel as weak as a kitten.

 

but the downside of this experience is I fear I've lost my fighting spirit.  Where i'm at right now, I'm not doing any fighting, lol, but it's something to think about, maybe setting small goals -- I did this last year!  why do I feel like I'm doing everything I did last year all over again!  Arrrrr!  I need to break out of this wave prison I'm in.  I hate it.  I'm so uncomfortable in my own body and my own mind, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

I'm sorry, I am such a downer today.  Feel better, everyone.

 

Ahh Green...so sorry.You probably have that wavy doom and gloom cloud hanging over you...you know..the one that says...I'm not gonna heal..I can't fight this anymore...nothing is right.

Sometimes it's best not to fight..just let be ..till the cloud lifts and you feel the fighting spirit working it's way back in.

I wallowed in the doom and gloom cloud all weekend...I was pitiful...but  it wasn't me..it was the withdrawal toying with my emotions.

I also found myself doing things that I also did last year..setting goals..and what not...it's like I'm repeating last year in so many ways...I think it's a different phase I'm in..the Groundhog Day phase...lol.

You'll fight when you feel the need!! Rest up for now..you'll be back fighting soon.

[[be...]]

drew, thank you for posting that...poor soul..indeed.

Just such a shame this stuff happens...I learned the hard way.

[[be...]]

Hi ... well ... the old fool has done it again ... woke up this morning and feeling lousy ... in a fed up sort of mood I just went out and walk for three and a half hours ... and felt pretty good most of the time ... got home ... had a bite to eat and got slammed ... and I ache all over ...

 

Oh well ... that means I get to spend a quiet afternoon "recovering" ... 

 

 

Ahh Nova..I think you over did it buddy. I'm sure it felt so good to walk all that way and you definitely got some exercise in. You rest up and maybe take a nap if you're able.

One of these days the baby steps will be grown up steps...then you can walk for three and a half hours.

I'm tired of baby steps also.   Take it easy.

[[Gr...]]

hey all...I saw this post on the general board and I thought it was a good reminder of what we all seem to know or learned....poor soul...

 

After being benzo free for 10 months and dealing with withdrawal symptoms for 2.5 years, I took one .5 mg xanax and completely relapsed, all symptoms came back worse then ever anxiety attacks, headaches neck pain backpain, depression, suicidal thoughts. Its been 5 days and i have had to take .25 mg klonopin to get through the anxiety attacks.  Any advice on this relapse? I was never sure Benzo withdrwals was actually what was causing me problems in the past but this has now confirmed that it has .

 

 

coop-I am still wavy but if I am not in an environment that causes stimulation I am okay passing the time.  On that note I have a baseball game tonight which I committed to last week before my stuff hit.   I can tell my brain is returning to normal after the migraine like symptoms since Saturday.  While I still have cog fog and tingles in my brain it is less.  I did wake up with a huge adrenaline rush and crazy ass thoughts this morning but I usually have a heightened trigger during this episodes for a few days.

 

Drew,

thanks for the quote from the general board.  I always need to hear that stuff.

 

sorry your symptoms revved up.  let's hope you get some breaks and enjoy the baseball game.  that actually does happen sometimes!

[[Gr...]]

Hi ... well ... the old fool has done it again ... woke up this morning and feeling lousy ... in a fed up sort of mood I just went out and walk for three and a half hours ... and felt pretty good most of the time ... got home ... had a bite to eat and got slammed ... and I ache all over ...

 

Oh well ... that means I get to spend a quiet afternoon "recovering" ... 

 

well, then you're my kind of old fool!  Because I think it's great, you just went out and walked and lived your life.  so you got slammed,  maybe you were going to get slammed anyway.  Good you walked, hurray for you, you are my hero today.  I am so damned sick and tired of feeling too sick or too afraid of being slammed to do anything.  Good for you.

[[Gr...]]

Hi ... well ... the old fool has done it again ... woke up this morning and feeling lousy ... in a fed up sort of mood I just went out and walk for three and a half hours ... and felt pretty good most of the time ... got home ... had a bite to eat and got slammed ... and I ache all over ...

 

Oh well ... that means I get to spend a quiet afternoon "recovering" ... 

 

Hey don't you dare call my buddy an " old fool " !

 

Sorry you had this happen to you, but you are not foolish, you just want to live a little !  You like to live dangerously...  A 3 hour walk? what were you thinking of ? 

 

Oh, yeah, we're bad!  Nova, that three hour walk is like extreme sports on this board!

[[Gr...]]

Hi ... well ... the old fool has done it again ... woke up this morning and feeling lousy ... in a fed up sort of mood I just went out and walk for three and a half hours ... and felt pretty good most of the time ... got home ... had a bite to eat and got slammed ... and I ache all over ...

 

Oh well ... that means I get to spend a quiet afternoon "recovering" ... 

 

M,

 

maybe it wasn't the walk, maybe it was the bite to eat?

 

I had a small bowl of oatmeal with nuts today and it put me on the couch for 45 minutes, sweating, nausea.  I can get that anyway, but today I believe the food triggered it.  Also recently food feels stuck in my chest and seems to be coming up with the burps.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Had a terribly disheartening day yesterday.  More than just the usual can't get off the couch stuff.  Really sad and worried that this isn't going away.

 

I'm so glad I read Korbe's post about going to Salt Lake.  For the longest time, I have had to curb my urge to fight withdrawal, for the obvious reasons, that I will not win, withdrawal is too big and too bad, it will crush me, punish me if I push against the symptoms, try to fight them  I had to learn acceptance, which I definitely wasn't good at before, which is a good thing in some ways. actually, it's hard to think about fighting when you feel as weak as a kitten.

 

but the downside of this experience is I fear I've lost my fighting spirit.  Where i'm at right now, I'm not doing any fighting, lol, but it's something to think about, maybe setting small goals -- I did this last year!  why do I feel like I'm doing everything I did last year all over again!  Arrrrr!  I need to break out of this wave prison I'm in.  I hate it.  I'm so uncomfortable in my own body and my own mind, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

I'm sorry, I am such a downer today.  Feel better, everyone.

 

I know what you mean. But I believe we have a very clichè version of fighting back in our minds. Take the weak kitten, for example.  Even when he is weak, he still puts in a hell of a fight.

 

We have to revise our idea of fighting. I don't see you as losing your spirit at all, you just sound tired. And tired is not conducive to good thinking, especially in wd.

 

You go to the theatre, you drive, you went to a bridal shower, do I have to go on ? You are not doing the comparing thing again ? Don't, please don't.

Anyway, we don't call wd Groundhog day for nothing, so your feeling is normal.

 

Try to imagine all the people, ordinary people, out there  having to put up with half of what you are putting up with. They could not. Not for a second, they would go nuts and break down. NOt us, we are way too cool for that !

 

What you are doing is nothing short of amazing. You are just looking at it from a different perspective. 

 

Sky, you're right, withdrawal is the glass of water, and perspective is -- I don't want to say 90 % of the battle, but we really do have to stretch our coping skills farther than -- well, far.

 

And, no, I'm not comparing, I think I'm past that.  The homebound days scare me.  I'll be okay.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Had a terribly disheartening day yesterday.  More than just the usual can't get off the couch stuff.  Really sad and worried that this isn't going away.

 

I'm so glad I read Korbe's post about going to Salt Lake.  For the longest time, I have had to curb my urge to fight withdrawal, for the obvious reasons, that I will not win, withdrawal is too big and too bad, it will crush me, punish me if I push against the symptoms, try to fight them  I had to learn acceptance, which I definitely wasn't good at before, which is a good thing in some ways.  actually, it's hard to think about fighting when you feel as weak as a kitten.

 

but the downside of this experience is I fear I've lost my fighting spirit.  Where i'm at right now, I'm not doing any fighting, lol, but it's something to think about, maybe setting small goals -- I did this last year!  why do I feel like I'm doing everything I did last year all over again!  Arrrrr!  I need to break out of this wave prison I'm in.  I hate it.  I'm so uncomfortable in my own body and my own mind, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

I'm sorry, I am such a downer today.  Feel better, everyone.

 

Ahh Green...so sorry.You probably have that wavy doom and gloom cloud hanging over you...you know..the one that says...I'm not gonna heal..I can't fight this anymore...nothing is right.

Sometimes it's best not to fight..just let be ..till the cloud lifts and you feel the fighting spirit working it's way back in.

I wallowed in the doom and gloom cloud all weekend...I was pitiful...but  it wasn't me..it was the withdrawal toying with my emotions.

I also found myself doing things that I also did last year..setting goals..and what not...it's like I'm repeating last year in so many ways...I think it's a different phase I'm in..the Groundhog Day phase...lol.

You'll fight when you feel the need!! Rest up for now..you'll be back fighting soon.

 

Oh, yes, thank you, Beulah!  Yes, it's the gloom and doom, fear I'm not gonna heal and I can't do this anymore.  Yeah, that's it. 

 

A lot of it is reminiscent of last year. even though the horror of last year can never be replicated.  Year two is a challenge, but cant come close to year one, imho.

 

Thanks for the pat on the back, I really needed it.  I'm swimming in the misery, lol.

 

P.S.  You sound really good, like you have a lot more energy.  I hope that's so.

[[Co...]]

Ok buddies....I am breathless when speaking ( not always).  Dr days everything is ok.  maybe upper respiratory  virus.. oxygen is ok ...and chest x-ray clear...but I am frantic with fear.....anybody getting breathless...beyond that 'can't get a full breath' sensation.  I am getting full breaths .just breathe and talk much at the same time.  2 panics over this today.. refused v at doctor's office.. but boy I wanted something  ...walked out med free....coop

[[dr...]]

Coop..I get that often especially when I am on the phone with a client.  it is just your CNS doing its thing.  Look at the positive news that the doc said everything is ok!  It seems to me you are in a state of health fear and you are working yourself up looking for an answer that doesn't exist except it's withdrawal.  Please don't get mad with me as I can totally relate.  I am anxious today with my head symptoms and I have fought the urge to go to dr. google all day.  I have  to just accept it is a symptom of recovery from this mess but my mind wants me to think it is a stroke type thing  the CT scan I had could miss.  I am right there with you!  Using my cbt methods to show me how flawedmy thinking can be.  You are starting that soon right?  Some times we have to believe a sheep is just a sheep and not a wolf in a sheep's clothes  

[[Fl...]]

Coop,

 

I'm not in the 12-18 month off group, but I went to see my Dr today and felt even more nervous than my everyday nerves.  It sure would be tempting to take something.  Good for you for not taking it.  That feeling of not being able to get a breath must be anxiety.

 

I was going to the dr about a spot on my nose that is probably skin cancer.  I have had it removed by my eye at least three times and now it's in another spot.  I didn't say much about my benzo withdrawal, just that I had stopped taking it but my anxiety is terrible.  She wants me to keep in contact with a pdoc.  I stopped going after my reg Dr moved to another area so I guess I'll have to go to a different one.  I told her I didn't see too much point because the pdocs only give meds and they haven't helped me at all so far.  She said there are always new meds coming out.

 

I always follow you, hoping you start to feel better consistently and feel bad that you are having such a long struggle.  Good for you for hanging in there.😘

 

Love, Flicka

[[No...]]

Green ... sorry you are swimming in the misery ... it will let up again ... and I agree about the distinction between year one and year two ...

 

Yep ... this morning I just said to hell with it ... I can sit here and be miserable or I can walk and be miserable ... and I don't walk "hard" ... more of a ramble sort of thing ... I have my sticks and I took some read and cheese and water ... took about 45 minutes to get into a sort of zone and I just kept going ... there are many places nearby that are quiet and sort of "just there" while I move through them ...

 

Started getting a little tired so I walked home ...

 

I am a rambler from way back ... haven't done any long treks in many years and probably won't again ... and that is okay ... I have other commitments that probably don't allow them anymore ... I am just looking for that "feeling" ... that "knowing" that walking is available to me ...

 

There are some longer treks around here now and they are teasing me a bit ... looking into them for the future ... easy stuff ... not like the Canadian Rockies of many moons ago ... those days have long gone for me ...

 

Hope you have an easier day and things lighten up a bit ... 

[[Co...]]

Drew, my dear friend....I could never be mad at you...you are my partner in wild health fears...This is breathlessness almost every time I have to talk with some energy behind my voice or with animation...but you are right I was revved to panic magnitude in the doctor's office...I have been to the doctor more times this 8 weeks than in the past 4 years...Yes, my mind goes right to catrastophe...I don't Google but I read an article posted here about shortness of breath....some of the possibilities are stuck in my head just looping endlessly...I am in that state where only waiting it out works...deep breathing takes the top off

....Drew, I am so sorry you go through this too...I am so dissociated I can't think, but able to hear all the health fear perfectly fine....

....thank you so much for the reply Drew..  It's been exactly one month since I took the rescue dose.....it should be getting better now......As someone else said, I want to unzip my skin and run screaming down the street....

.....coop

[[dr...]]

:smitten:

 

My health anxiety came from a post on the board that I wasn't expecting to be bad. Suprise   Death and dying before door A   I must say I used my cbt and some skills the therapist taught me and it was more of a momentary lapse of reason which I am happy about.

 

Coop-jsut focus on the fact that the doc gave you a clean bill of health.  They miss lots of things on benzos but they do know more than us in other areas.

[[Co...]]

I guess today, I am the one asking, "why am I doing this?"..

.....please remind me .. .I had panic and anxiety ( not quite like this) while taking ativan.  Never before..the drug is not the answer....the drug is the problem....

...Thanks for hearing this rant....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, yes I am scheduled to in for introduction in 2 weeks...I hope it helps me cope as much as it has helped you...

[[Te...]]

Coop,

 

I have this breathless thing also....they said my breathing is normal...for age I guess this is the oxygen levels it's a breathing test I've had two chest X-rays in the last 6months...normal....but I feel far from normal breathing....they thinks it might be reflux...did a barium swallow test....which showed both throat and upper stomach spasms during test.....so much burning up Esphogus .......having no luck with reflux meds.....truly at lost......im I the only one that has this burning bad taste....I swear it's like hot acid at times then switches to chemical gas....it's nothing like normal reflex.....I'm struggling with inner burning pain.....it makes me cryDoyle to discomfort.....don't know what to ....does anyone  one have any suggestions...to burning mouth and throat...some days I just shake due to discomfort...

 

TM

[[be...]]

Ok buddies....I am breathless when speaking ( not always).  Dr days everything is ok.  maybe upper respiratory  virus.. oxygen is ok ...and chest x-ray clear...but I am frantic with fear.....anybody getting breathless...beyond that 'can't get a full breath' sensation.  I am getting full breaths .just breathe and talk much at the same time.  2 panics over this today.. refused v at doctor's office.. but boy I wanted something  ...walked out med free....coop

 

Ahh coop, Sorry you are really getting beat up with the breathing.

When I had bronchitis and already felt short on air before it...I really panicked..I could not breathe..I had to rely on my inhaler a lot...now that the bronchitis is gone I don't have to use the inhaler anymore..but I'm still short on air. You might have a little bit of an upper respiratory infection going on..or it could all be withdrawal...this breathing stuff is no joke and of course you would panic if you couldn't breathe.

Can you try inhaling a little steam..it helped me.

Kudos to you for not taking the v..it would have made you worse..I'm sure.

Can you take a little Tylenol..lay down and watch the Waltons..or if you need to..pm me.

You're gonna be ok..

 

 

 

 

 

[[Si...]]

Hey everybody!

 

Sorry to hear about the shortness of breath Coop. I had that when I was rapid tapering. It was like I couldn't ever catch my breath. It scared me enough to go an Urgent Care place. EKG, blood oxygen  and BPM were all normal. It was strange to me to feel I couldn't pull a full breath in, but apparently I was anyway.

 

I hope it clears up for you soon.

 

Edit:

Oops sorry, meant this for TX mama

Have you tried throat lozenge for the mouth burning?

[[No...]]

Texas mama ... what you post sounds very familiar to me ... and I have no answers ... other than it is my cns settling out ... I am about a month ahead of you and it is still going on for me ...

 

Sorry I can't give any help ... the only reassuring thing I see in this is that it waxes and wanes ... comes and goes ... and there does seem to be a stress component for me ... and many folks have talked abut the same issue ... and it has cleared up for them eventually ...

 

It is very uncomfortable and confusing and it drives me nuts some days ...