12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Hey green

Glad you got out today. It's encouraging when people you know notice improvements and some of the old us popping up here and there.

 

Hope the dial keeps turning upward.

 

Hey, Jrod

 

Good to see you.  Yes, this is the weirdest time.  Feeling improvements and still so stuck.  I know healing is happening, it just takes so long.

 

Hope you're doing better these days.  How is the sleep going?  any improvement?

 

Sleeps better average 5-6 hrs. Know the stuck feeling very well. Your one month ahead of me in this journey, although  the mental stuff is still a nightmare.

 

Yes, I'm a little ahead of you.  And, yes, the mental stuff is, was a nightmare.  It seems to be letting up, with enormous improvement in mental clarity.  As I said, I've got people coming up and telling me they see the improvement.  so healing is happening.  we just need to hang on.

 

Feel better.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green,...Glad to hear the bridal shower went well...yep, I need a decent hair cut so badly....I have just been trimming along on it for months.  You can imagine what a great look that is...Three days ago I was feeling good enough to think about going in for a cut...and I went shopping with my daughter for some summer things...the day after ..back in acute. .Months 13/14/15 were so much better...It just knocks me back that things that I used to do without thinking are now major accpmplishments...having vented that....I am committed to month 24..5 more months for me...I am reserving all giving up u til then, but I will be doing plenty of whining, crying ,  complaining , venting and stomping around until the 2 year mark..  I am trying...really trying to go with, it is what it is u til it isnt...I found myself thinking about getting a script for vistaril for bad anxiety...but now I am rethinking that. Before ativan I never needed anything  to go to Mass...or the grocery store,or my grandsons' classrooms.. or my own kitchen first thing in the morning...I think I am trying to do this because I want to be that person again....I don't ever again want to need a drug to go to the grocery. But I was just thinking about this the other day. I have a friend who has fibro. ...and COPD...and she smokes...she is on methadone, valium and oxysomething....this girl is 65...Happy as a lark...runs all over the place doing whatever she wants...but...her judgement is whacked, she can't figure out her smart phone, her kids are scared to death to let her drive...she doesn't see any of that ...she is just as happy as can be...no anxiety..no fear.....but she isn't close to the person she used to be...and I don't think she ever will be again....well that was a long rambling thing...If I can not be that person who needs ativan to live life...I can go another 5 months...it just seems like it won't end..

.....well, here's to wigs a diy haircuts for a little longer....coop

 

Coop, that friend of yours isn't living, not only is her judgment whacked, time is passing and she's not present in her head for any of it.  we've all been there to some extent.  These pills offer a little calm and steal our lives, our memories, and so much more.  The days when I have clarity, I realize how long I went in a fog, a long time. 

 

This is going to be worth it, we'll get there.  I was just whining a little myself.  The wig was a good idea, and I got through a bad day just fine.  So many have healed before us, and they all come back and say the same thing, healing happens, life resumes, and there's not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything.  And that's going to happen for us.

Sleep is still very off, I'm waking up every two hours.  I haven't done that in a while.  It's very slow getting started in the morning.  Another thing that was improved.  As you said, months 13, 14, 15, I was much better physically, I had more energy, more motivation, could just do a lot more.  Now I'm challenged on good days, and just don't go or do on bad ones.  but the mental clarity, people noticing, that's big healing, Coop,  that's exactly what Baylissa talked about in her final months.  we're close, but damn, withdrawal is like a dog hanging off your a$$ by its teeth.  It truly does not want to let go.

[[Gr...]]

Hi to all my 12 18 months buddies.

Just read all your posts. Wow we are really suffering in a terrible wave that seems to not want to end.  I'm right there with you wondering what the hell, I should be better by now.

 

On my trip to Seattle for the Flumazenil treatments I learned I could fly without flipping out, so I decided to fly to Salt Lake City to visit my family. I haven't seen my dad or brothers and sisters for over 3 years. My mom came to Califirnia to see me.  The flying part was fine, even brought my little dog. But, since I arrived, I was hit with more terrible Benzi Belly pain, burning legs & sleepless nights.

My mom says to just do what I feel I can. I'm usually good for a couple of hours in the afternoon until the pain get bad. I've got 10 days and that should give me enough time to visit with everyone. Just taking it slow and easy. At least seeing my family makes me happy even though I feel like hell. It's a good distraction too.

 

Hope all of you get some happy times and some relief from this awful wave.

 

Korbe, you're my hero.  With all of that nerve pain, you're on planes flying.  Good for you.  Im so glad you could visit with family.  Fear of being up all night (and other fears, lol ) has kept me from flying anywhere, spending nights anywhere other than my own bed.  I'm going to Atlanta in July, and that's hell or high water, so there is improvement here.

 

I noticed you're two weeks behind me, I'm Nov. 15.  I think things are going to get better for all of us around the same time, we're all so close in jump dates, that's why we all get hit so hard at the same time

 

Hoping we all have a better day today.

[[Aq...]]

Hey all, sorry to hear a lot of you are still suffering.  Unfortunately, I will be joining you at the moment.  I am having a tough time again after a really good month. (Really good meaning not horrible, but livable)  A month ago I was convinced I was healing and that this was really going to get better, but about 2 weeks ago, my horrible, head pressure, headaches, dizziness, and eye stuff has come back.  It started slowly and is really rough now.  Anyways, rant, rant, rant. 

 

The only thing I feel like I have going for me is that I did have a better month.  It is gone, but if that can happen once, then it can happen again.  It just doesn't feel like it right now.  It is always harder when you get hit again after things were improving. 

 

Take care all.  I think about you all daily, but I have been having a hard time visiting.

[[Co...]]

Green,...lol..."Luke a dog hanging off your a*"....spot on...

....yep...onward we go...I am getting less anxiety today...but just hanging on by my fingernails ...but it's better so I will take it.  I think I got all tags fled up in health fears about this cough.. seeing my doctor again tomorrow...just so he can tell me it is none of the scary things I am thinking.  Then I can let it go.. .

....I am so glad that your wave is lifting. .How do we do this? ...The only thing that keeps me going is this thread and all of you here... I believe it...we are going to get past w/d...24 months is still a ways out for us.. my mantra ...a lot of healing can happen in 6 months....I try to stay focused on that, but yesterday was unrelenting chemical anxiety....and I got through it. ...

....Wishing you big sunbreaks Green...you are such a huge support here....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew,...you are sounding so good...An entire month of 'better'...doing a happy dance for you...33 days of no migraine and holding...so good....You navigated yourself through that wave strong and solid. I think you are going to have a very good time at your wedding and honeymoon ...weddings and honeymoons have thier own stresses, but you have been to the University of W/D....you are well prepared.....I have an appointment to start biofeedback and CBT therapy ...your experience with it encouraged me to start. The therapist I am going to go to is supposed to be one of the best in my region...we will see

....Great to see you this morning Drew.....coop

[[Co...]]

AquaVal...So sorry you are swimming in a wave after a month of better..All of us have been exactly where you are in the recent months....Waves that follow improvement are crushing...especially this far out...You are right, ...if it happened once it will happen again...and it will get better again....

...Welcome ...this is a wonderful thread started by GreenIce...such good people here...some of us have been together and supporting each other for a year...or a little more. Come on as often as you need for support...Your sx sound very much like the ones several of us here are going through...I have flexed my improvement time frame out to 24 months. This helped me let go of some of the pressure and disappointment of not having my life back by 18 months...

....A 2 week wave is hard ...go easy on yourself...it's ok to go slow ....especially after a wave...

....Thank you for coming on...as Green told us from the beginning..."Nobody gets left behind"....coop

[[Co...]]

Korbe...wow...a flight...I had trouble flying before benzos.  Going for a 10 day trip is huge...yes, I think your mom is right...go easy and do what you can...It sounds like it will be so worth it to see all of your family.

....I know you are feeling iffy, but the fact that you can even contemplate going is so encouraging. ...Reading your post gives me hope...so glad you posted...Wishing you more and more better days...coop

[[Aq...]]

Thank you for the kind words coop!

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  I  didn't in anyway mean to discount your fear of msmmography...I have many friends who are not withdrawing from benzos who fear the mammography.

....It is so true we have no control over our fear...only our thoughts...I struggle with that every day...

....How is your day  coming along ? ...I had a better morning and now the anxiety is landing...but I know it will lift again ...it's just breathing and getting through it...

....Wishing you sunbreaks Beulah....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... just another day in the salt mines ... and again, not miserable, just lousy ... and very boring ...

 

Hope you have a good afternoon and evening ...

[[Gr...]]

Hi Coop ... just another day in the salt mines ... and again, not miserable, just lousy ... and very boring ...

 

Hope you have a good afternoon and evening ...

 

I know, Nova, boring, like being in a holding pattern, waiting to land.  Only we've been up there for a long time! 

 

Now that the snow is gone, how is your stamina, your walks?  I'm not getting too far, get pooped pretty quick.  they say the lack of energy, fatigue, is one of the last things to resolve

[[Gr...]]

Hey all, sorry to hear a lot of you are still suffering.  Unfortunately, I will be joining you at the moment.  I am having a tough time again after a really good month. (Really good meaning not horrible, but livable)  A month ago I was convinced I was healing and that this was really going to get better, but about 2 weeks ago, my horrible, head pressure, headaches, dizziness, and eye stuff has come back.  It started slowly and is really rough now.  Anyways, rant, rant, rant. 

 

The only thing I feel like I have going for me is that I did have a better month.  It is gone, but if that can happen once, then it can happen again.  It just doesn't feel like it right now.  It is always harder when you get hit again after things were improving. 

 

Take care all.  I think about you all daily, but I have been having a hard time visiting.

 

Aqua,

glad to have you.  There's a lot of healing going on in year two, you're going to see major improvements very soon.  But we do seem to pay for our improvements in blood, lol. 

[[Gr...]]

Green,...lol..."Luke a dog hanging off your a*"....spot on...

....yep...onward we go...I am getting less anxiety today...but just hanging on by my fingernails ...but it's better so I will take it.  I think I got all tags fled up in health fears about this cough.. seeing my doctor again tomorrow...just so he can tell me it is none of the scary things I am thinking.  Then I can let it go.. .

....I am so glad that your wave is lifting. .How do we do this? ...The only thing that keeps me going is this thread and all of you here... I believe it...we are going to get past w/d...24 months is still a ways out for us.. my mantra ...a lot of healing can happen in 6 months....I try to stay focused on that, but yesterday was unrelenting chemical anxiety....and I got through it. ...

....Wishing you big sunbreaks Green...you are such a huge support here....coop

 

How do we do this?  the way we have, one day at a time, supporting each other, applauding the improvements, booing the setbacks.  and we remind each other we just have to keep on going.  we just keep on keeping on.  as you said earlier, what r our options?  reinstatement is really not an option.  I look at your experience with the 2.5 mg. and that reinforces what I know, I can never take this medication.. Safely.  Ever. Again. 

 

I'm hoping for a break at M18.5.  I think HH said it let up a little then?  Hard to tell, we're all different. 

 

Hang on, friends.

[[be...]]

Beulah.  I  didn't in anyway mean to discount your fear of msmmography...I have many friends who are not withdrawing from benzos who fear the mammography.

....It is so true we have no control over our fear...only our thoughts...I struggle with that every day...

....How is your day  coming along ? ...I had a better morning and now the anxiety is landing...but I know it will lift again ...it's just breathing and getting through it...

....Wishing you sunbreaks Beulah....coop

 

Oh Coop, you silly girl..I know you didn't mean to discount my fear of mammography...I have never feared a mammogram ..till now. I have to to stay away from anything medical as much as I can...till I've had more healing...you know how our imaginations can run wild.

 

I made it out to the store and a few errands. My husband still can't understand why I can't wear my seatbelt.... It feels like it's going to squeeze me in half.

I walk around the store up and down the aisles looking for some food that appeals to me. I still have some aversions to food. All of the food I use to love turns me off. All I ever want is veggie soup, fish, chicken and eggs. Everything sweet looks good and I crave it so bad..especially ice cream...oh yeah and mashed potatoes...I eat them almost everyday.I Indulge in a little ice cream  now and then.

I love avocados and most veggies so I guess I'm not doing to bad..compared to acute..air and water.

 

Symptoms aren't to bad today...anxiety is low..faux asthma is hanging around..and of course the never ending burning and nerve pain.

 

Just another day in paradise.

 

Hugs

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Green ... stamina seems okay ... usually takes me a while to get going, and it often seems I have to walk through some kind of wall ... and then things level out ... legs get tired usually after an hour and half or so ...

[[Sk...]]

Hi Green,...Glad to hear the bridal shower went well...yep, I need a decent hair cut so badly....I have just been trimming along on it for months.  You can imagine what a great look that is...Three days ago I was feeling good enough to think about going in for a cut...and I went shopping with my daughter for some summer things...the day after ..back in acute. .Months 13/14/15 were so much better...It just knocks me back that things that I used to do without thinking are now major accpmplishments...having vented that....I am committed to month 24..5 more months for me...I am reserving all giving up u til then, but I will be doing plenty of whining, crying ,  complaining , venting and stomping around until the 2 year mark..  I am trying...really trying to go with, it is what it is u til it isnt...I found myself thinking about getting a script for vistaril for bad anxiety...but now I am rethinking that. Before ativan I never needed anything  to go to Mass...or the grocery store,or my grandsons' classrooms.. or my own kitchen first thing in the morning...I think I am trying to do this because I want to be that person again....I don't ever again want to need a drug to go to the grocery. But I was just thinking about this the other day. I have a friend who has fibro. ...and COPD...and she smokes...she is on methadone, valium and oxysomething....this girl is 65...Happy as a lark...runs all over the place doing whatever she wants...but...her judgement is whacked, she can't figure out her smart phone, her kids are scared to death to let her drive...she doesn't see any of that ...she is just as happy as can be...no anxiety..no fear.....but she isn't close to the person she used to be...and I don't think she ever will be again....well that was a long rambling thing...If I can not be that person who needs ativan to live life...I can go another 5 months...it just seems like it won't end..

.....well, here's to wigs a diy haircuts for a little longer....coop

 

Coop, that friend of yours isn't living, not only is her judgment whacked, time is passing and she's not present in her head for any of it.  we've all been there to some extent.  These pills offer a little calm and steal our lives, our memories, and so much more.  The days when I have clarity, I realize how long I went in a fog, a long time. 

 

This is going to be worth it, we'll get there.  I was just whining a little myself.  The wig was a good idea, and I got through a bad day just fine.  So many have healed before us, and they all come back and say the same thing, healing happens, life resumes, and there's not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything.  And that's going to happen for us.

Sleep is still very off, I'm waking up every two hours.  I haven't done that in a while.  It's very slow getting started in the morning.  Another thing that was improved.  As you said, months 13, 14, 15, I was much better physically, I had more energy, more motivation, could just do a lot more.  Now I'm challenged on good days, and just don't go or do on bad ones.  but the mental clarity, people noticing, that's big healing, Coop,  that's exactly what Baylissa talked about in her final months.  we're close, but damn, withdrawal is like a dog hanging off your a$$ by its teeth.  It truly does not want to let go.

 

Just checking in on your posts, but I really had to repost Sue's latest drop of wisdom !! 

 

This image resonates with me, it really does.

 

I am going to bed now, I have been prioritizing my naps and my sleep in general, trying to get as much rest  as possible, when possible. Today  I had a nice, joyful day, but now, the clouds are descending again, and I am back in my doomed world of wd. Today was good, but the last two days were really, really bad, scarily bad. So, I am being super cautious now.

 

Tiredness is a problem, I feel like my legs are made of stones. So even things  I really like doing, like biking, have become too much for me to do, which is a pity, this spring is  gourgeous, just right for a nice ride.

 

I am sorry, I have not responded to any of your posts, I meant no disrespect.

 

I am going to bed now, wish you all a peaceful evening. 

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova...yep...one more day..me too...the morning started out ok...then the cough thing started....it's almost exactly as you say, like asthma....feel kind of breathless during the cough. It had been going away later in the day, but now it comes in the afternoon too.  Brings anxiety with it. I don't understand why I am getting a strong bout of chemical anxiety somewhere in each day...it is, as you say , what it is until it isnt....It does get boring.  Still hanging out with the Waltons in the afternoon ...really fatigued by then. I had a chest x-ray on thursday...nobody called me yet about anything so I am assuming it was ok...how are your breathing/coughing issues....I would like to see this one go pretty soon ....Remember when "boring" was improvement?...We have come a ways my friend...sending some sunbreaks.....coop

 

[[be...]]

Coop, I'm sorry you and nova are caught up in the asthma symptoms. I've been struggling with this on and off for sometime now. It's not everyday like it was in the beginning but it still hangs in there a few times a week. I wake up most mornings coughing and wheezing and the doc says I don't have asthma...but he says it could be allergies...never had them before withdrawal.

 

Crazy stuff..I tell ya.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Beulah...thanks so much...this is making me crazy...the cough makes me a little breathless and my back and chest hurt...and I am fatigued ..it just started out with the 'I can't get a deep breath' feeling...now the cough ...it comes and goes all day long...I had a chest x-ray...it came back fine...but I feel bad....I hope it lets up...you are so kind to respond to this....again ...I think I am just going to try to ignore it...

....How is  your nerve pain...I hope it's better....I hope we are all better....love to you Beulah....coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah.. thanks for mentioning mashed potatoes...sounds perfect. My appetite is wonky too...just not there...I have the same response to food...nothing seems like anything I want...

....and yes...ice cream...I have to ask Nova what he's cooking

..have a good night Beulah...and ice cream.....coop

[[be...]]

Beulah.. thanks for mentioning mashed potatoes...sounds perfect. My appetite is wonky too...just not there...I have the same response to food...nothing seems like anything I want...

....and yes...ice cream...I have to ask Nova what he's cooking

..have a good night Beulah...and ice cream.....coop

 

You have a good night to coop...rest easy.

[[be...]]

Hey Nova, when you feel up to it I think me and coop could use some serious food talk.

Sometimes just reading about the food you cook and eat triggers my appetite.

That split pea soup sure sounded good.

 

Hungry girls wanna eat 

[[Co...]]

Nova...I agree....just reading about your kitchen adventures always encourages my appetite...

....Beulah....so true...hungry girls wanna eat....we just can't find the right thing....Nova...help us out......coop

[[dr...]]

Well Beulah....I ain't no nova but I just finished grilling Chilean sea bass, roasted Brussels sprouts, and some tasty rice.