12-18 month support

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Saturday, May. 9

 

We are never more than one grateful thought away from peace of heart.

 

David Steindl-Rast

 

[[be...]]

Beulah.  Thank you so much for that lovely encouraging post. It is so reassuring to know that I am not the only one who feels that w/d itself will leave a trail of PTSD. .  ..but I will deal with that as I have to....

....Yes, I think before this wave from hell I was seeing my most reliable healing in my baselines. In Dec/ Jan I think my baseline was ranging from 80%-90% pretty consistently.

.....How are you doing?...Did you get a second wind after resting up from your garden day? ...You are so close to those days of following your heart through the day instead of fear. .

.....love to you Beulah.  coop

 

Yes coop...I rested up..still feeling a little tired but another day of rest and a little ice cream should do the trick...it is still hot here.

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Nova, I read your story...Wow!!!!  I think it's important to listen to those little voices...warning danger ahead.

Sorry that happened to you.

Heal on.

[[be...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Saturday, May. 9

 

We are never more than one grateful thought away from peace of heart.

 

David Steindl-Rast

 

 

Indeed!!

[[Fi...]]

Hey, that's quite a story, Nova.  Good that you shared.  I think the stories of how we all got into this mess might be the best sort of posts for the lurkers just trying to figure out what the heck is going on with them. 

[[be...]]

Hey, that's quite a story, Nova.  Good that you shared.  I think the stories of how we all got into this mess might be the best sort of posts for the lurkers just trying to figure out what the heck is going on with them. 

 

Yes!!!!

[[dr...]]

Wow nova!  You're getting there though. We are all reclaiming our lives. 

[[Si...]]

I've just recently crossed over into my 12th month. Was doing great from 5-10, but then I got the flu and it totally screwed me up. Did terribly for weeks and slowly came out of it. Worst symptom is insomnia. I slep fine for a few weeks everyday up until earlier this week. Out of nowhere didn't sleep for two nights, slept like a brick Thursday night from exhaustion. Didn't sleep again last night at all and felt almost the worst I've felt since acute. I just can't understand all the up and down. Especially after feeling almost fully heeled for months. I'm so disconcerted and defeated right now.

[[Gr...]]

Nova,...yep the simmering, gurgleing, percolating and rattling g anxiety. ...It's been buzzing around me all morning like a hive of bees. My daughter was here this morning and I made an easy simple pasta dish...I was exhausted and thick in cog fog...I usually get a little relief from it in the afternoon...10 minutes, an hour, 20 seconds...then it comes back.

  ..I have been trying to keep busy, but I am so tired by 2 in the afternoon I have to have a nap with the Waltons ....Nova, does your body feel mired in cement  ...like your legs weigh 100 pounds each?......On a better note, my dizziness and nausea are better...still present but not as bad....crossing my fingers

....What did you do when you went out this morning ? ...Are you physically fatigued from brushing your teeth? ...Will we ever be the same?

....chop wood ...carry water....btw...was very glad to hear that you got a brief sunbreak...amazing g how far a little relief will carry us...coop

 

Coop, that's the problem, when you have the bad anxiety sx, the cure is keeping busy, but having fatigue and exhaustion at the same time, I'm just flopped on the couch with my heart flopping in my chest.  I had 2 good days, and today .. I'm trying to make the best of it, but it's a real challenge.

[[Gr...]]

One ... this is hard, scary stuff we do every day ... I find the more I fight it the lousier I feel ... some days I just have to give up and just let it be ... it's not "me" ... I am sick and I am healing ... and it is rough ...

 

Be Well ... 

 

You said it, Nova, just give up.  I have my hands in the air, surrender, but my sx haven't noticed

[[be...]]

I've just recently crossed over into my 12th month. Was doing great from 5-10, but then I got the flu and it totally screwed me up. Did terribly for weeks and slowly came out of it. Worst symptom is insomnia. I slep fine for a few weeks everyday up until earlier this week. Out of nowhere didn't sleep for two nights, slept like a brick Thursday night from exhaustion. Didn't sleep again last night at all and felt almost the worst I've felt since acute. I just understand all the up and down. Especially after feeling almost fully heeled for months. I'm so disconcerted and defeated right now.

 

Hi Siggy,

 

Congrats on the year off.

 

Yes..the flu and other illnesses can really set us back. I got bronchitis last month and still feel not recovered from it..I think we might be a little slow to heal in withdrawal.

Glad you're feeling better and over that hump.

Yes..I think insomnia plaques all of us at some point. I just crossed into month 22 last week and I can finally sleep through the night without waking every couple of hours.

We refer to the healing as roller coaster rides because it's so up and down and back and fourth..and it sounds like that's where you are at...and feeling discouraged.

It won't stay this way!!! When you are least expecting you will turn a corner for the better.

The insomnia is exhausting but in time you will start getting more hours of sleep.

Keep hanging in there!! Hugs.

[[Gr...]]

I've just recently crossed over into my 12th month. Was doing great from 5-10, but then I got the flu and it totally screwed me up. Did terribly for weeks and slowly came out of it. Worst symptom is insomnia. I slep fine for a few weeks everyday up until earlier this week. Out of nowhere didn't sleep for two nights, slept like a brick Thursday night from exhaustion. Didn't sleep again last night at all and felt almost the worst I've felt since acute. I just understand all the up and down. Especially after feeling almost fully heeled for months. I'm so disconcerted and defeated right now.

 

Siggy, welcome.  sleep didn't really get much better for me until sometime in the second year.  and I didn't feel well around month 12.  but things do  get a lot better.  you're in the home stretch.  hang in there.

[[Si...]]

I've just recently crossed over into my 12th month. Was doing great from 5-10, but then I got the flu and it totally screwed me up. Did terribly for weeks and slowly came out of it. Worst symptom is insomnia. I slep fine for a few weeks everyday up until earlier this week. Out of nowhere didn't sleep for two nights, slept like a brick Thursday night from exhaustion. Didn't sleep again last night at all and felt almost the worst I've felt since acute. I just understand all the up and down. Especially after feeling almost fully heeled for months. I'm so disconcerted and defeated right now.

 

Siggy, welcome.  sleep didn't really get much better for me until sometime in the second year.  and I didn't feel well around month 12.  but things do  get a lot better.  you're in the home stretch.  hang in there.

 

Thanks so much GreenIce! Today has been a really tough day to get through. Any encouragement means a lot. I think I may have sabotaged myself by drinking two beers last Saturday on my 6th wedding anniversary. I think I was already fragile and just came through a recurrence of insomnia from the flu. Pretty stupid and no idea now how much I set myself back. I'm hoping to be able to sleep tonight since Mother's Day is tomorrow. Plus I feel so terrible today that I don't know how I'll handle another sleepless night. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

[[Si...]]

I've just recently crossed over into my 12th month. Was doing great from 5-10, but then I got the flu and it totally screwed me up. Did terribly for weeks and slowly came out of it. Worst symptom is insomnia. I slep fine for a few weeks everyday up until earlier this week. Out of nowhere didn't sleep for two nights, slept like a brick Thursday night from exhaustion. Didn't sleep again last night at all and felt almost the worst I've felt since acute. I just understand all the up and down. Especially after feeling almost fully heeled for months. I'm so disconcerted and defeated right now.

 

Hi Siggy,

 

Congrats on the year off.

 

Yes..the flu and other illnesses can really set us back. I got bronchitis last month and still feel not recovered from it..I think we might be a little slow to heal in withdrawal.

Glad you're feeling better and over that hump.

Yes..I think insomnia plaques all of us at some point. I just crossed into month 22 last week and I can finally sleep through the night without waking every couple of hours.

We refer to the healing as roller coaster rides because it's so up and down and back and fourth..and it sounds like that's where you are at...and feeling discouraged.

It won't stay this way!!! When you are least expecting you will turn a corner for the better.

The insomnia is exhausting but in time you will start getting more hours of sleep.

Keep hanging in there!! Hugs.

 

Thanks beulah! As usual I'm trying to stay positive. When I do sleep, I sleep pretty well. It's just a np big problem getting to sleep a lot of nights. Even a few hours would be better than nothing.

[[Co...]]

Green, if it's any consolation.. After a pretty good day for most of yesterday and a goid half day today I am on the bed with moderate anxiety, d/r and fatigue. I did a lot ( for me) and a lot again this morning while still feeling pretty good.  Back to sx now... but reminding myself it's not linear...it's not liner..  it's not linear.  More good days are coming our way.  I keep thinking king that month 24 is still 6 months away.  So much healing can happen in that time. We are in the last leg of this trek.  I am really excited about following on this thread for the next 6 months. I can't wait to see the progress of everyone here and how new lives emerge.

    We are not going to live the rest of our lives from the couch.  .coop

[[Co...]]

Nova...you have been through it. I totally agree, not only do individual meds have sx, combinations of drugs complicate the whole mess. I gained 10 pounds within 6 weeks of going on ativan...and much of it was fluid. I could see the swelling in my face and ankles. I was also taking mclazine for the ear condition . I went off the mclazine as I thought the ativan was the be all and end all for vertigo and anxiety ( which it was.  until about 6 weeks in when it wasnt)  I dropped the 10 pounds and the fluid when I dropped the mclazine. I tried to tell my ENT this.  He practically rolled his eyes at me. " fluid retention and weight gain is not a side effect of either one of the drugs you are taking".  Right in the patient insert for mclazine....fluid retention. ...also dizziness.  wait, I thought I was taking the mclazine to reduce vertigo.

    I agree with you and Beulah.  We are not stupid.  We know our bodies ( we live in them 24/7)  Now if I feel like something is causing me a side effect I believe myself . When I told my physician that propanolol caused me increased palpitations he insisted that couldn't be as it is often given for arrhythmias.  I insisted on a medication change.  sure enough switched to atenolol for b/p spikes and palps calmed down .. We know what we are talking about.

..  .That was a terrible circular misdiagnosis and wrong rx ..one after another in an awful loop . I am sorry that happened to you. I honestly believe that doctors do not know anything really about the drugs they prescribe.

  ..I hope you are having a better day . .. Yep, carry on...coop

 

[[Gr...]]

I've just recently crossed over into my 12th month. Was doing great from 5-10, but then I got the flu and it totally screwed me up. Did terribly for weeks and slowly came out of it. Worst symptom is insomnia. I slep fine for a few weeks everyday up until earlier this week. Out of nowhere didn't sleep for two nights, slept like a brick Thursday night from exhaustion. Didn't sleep again last night at all and felt almost the worst I've felt since acute. I just understand all the up and down. Especially after feeling almost fully heeled for months. I'm so disconcerted and defeated right now.

 

Siggy, welcome.  sleep didn't really get much better for me until sometime in the second year.  and I didn't feel well around month 12.  but things do  get a lot better.  you're in the home stretch.  hang in there.

 

Thanks so much GreenIce! Today has been a really tough day to get through. Any encouragement means a lot. I think I may have sabotaged myself by drinking two beers last Saturday on my 6th wedding anniversary. I think I was already fragile and just came through a recurrence of insomnia from the flu. Pretty stupid and no idea now how much I set myself back. I'm hoping to be able to sleep tonight since Mother's Day is tomorrow. Plus I feel so terrible today that I don't know how I'll handle another sleepless night. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

 

Siggy,

As I said, 12 months is hard for a lot of people.  But remember you're going to feel a lot better after this.  waves are followed by great improvements, great healing.

 

Re the beers.  Could it have set you back?  Maybe.  or maybe that wave was going to happen no matter what.

 

I think waves happen no matter what.  I try to avoid things I think will make me worse.  that's individual for everyone.  I drink coffee, eat sugar.  some people can't.  I cannot drink alcohol.  some people can have a small amount and not have a problem.  when I stop sleeping, I usually cut everything out until I'm sleeping again.  My insomnia was severe, and it's gotten a lot better, so take heart, this stuff does resolve.

 

 

[[Si...]]

I've just recently crossed over into my 12th month. Was doing great from 5-10, but then I got the flu and it totally screwed me up. Did terribly for weeks and slowly came out of it. Worst symptom is insomnia. I slep fine for a few weeks everyday up until earlier this week. Out of nowhere didn't sleep for two nights, slept like a brick Thursday night from exhaustion. Didn't sleep again last night at all and felt almost the worst I've felt since acute. I just understand all the up and down. Especially after feeling almost fully heeled for months. I'm so disconcerted and defeated right now.

 

 

Siggy, welcome.  sleep didn't really get much better for me until sometime in the second year.  and I didn't feel well around month 12.  but things do  get a lot better.  you're in the home stretch.  hang in there.

 

Thanks so much GreenIce! Today has been a really tough day to get through. Any encouragement means a lot. I think I may have sabotaged myself by drinking two beers last Saturday on my 6th wedding anniversary. I think I was already fragile and just came through a recurrence of insomnia from the flu. Pretty stupid and no idea now how much I set myself back. I'm hoping to be able to sleep tonight since Mother's Day is tomorrow. Plus I feel so terrible today that I don't know how I'll handle another sleepless night. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

 

Siggy,

As I said, 12 months is hard for a lot of people.  But remember you're going to feel a lot better after this.  waves are followed by great improvements, great healing.

 

Re the beers.  Could it have set you back?  Maybe.  or maybe that wave was going to happen no matter what.

 

I think waves happen no matter what.  I try to avoid things I think will make me worse.  that's individual for everyone.  I drink coffee, eat sugar.  some people can't.  I cannot drink alcohol.  some people can have a small amount and not have a problem.  when I stop sleeping, I usually cut everything out until I'm sleeping again.  My insomnia was severe, and it's gotten a lot better, so take heart, this stuff does resolve.

 

Yeah thanks for the encouragement. I REALLY need the positivity that I'll get through this. I was doing almost everything I did before benzos in months 5-10, just with more moderation. I was even drinking beer a few times a week at one point without any sleep disturbance. I was drinking coffee with sugar every morning as well. That's why it's so weird to be hit like this now. I have read a lot of people getting hit between months 9-12. I hope I'm rounding a corner and will come out at least better than I was in months 5-10. Going to work is crazy hard when I haven't slept at all.

[[No...]]

Siggy ... welcome aboard ... you should be very proud of yourself for getting this far ... and you are on your way to getting better ... the solution to this healing is really quite simple ... hang on until it is over ... in the meantime ... well, it is what it is until it isn't ... one day at a time ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[Gr...]]

Nova,

 

I knew some of that story.  It horrifies me, the way your health declined on the benzos.  And it makes me sad, because so did mine.  over the years, I visited more and more doctors, gained weight, took to my bed.  when I started taking Xanax, I was very healthy and very active. 

 

The good news, though, is that a lot of the health issues seem to be reversible.  I don't have to go to doctors so much now.  I don't 5-6 prescriptions I take every day.  I don't have any. just otc nexium that I'm weaning off.

 

Nova, I was meaning to ask you about the weight loss, too.  I have lost and gained weight without trying all through withdrawal.  I had a five pound thing going on, five pounds on, five pounds off, that seemed to coincide with my rev waves.

 

last couple of months I put a few pounds on that haven't come off --- although I am not in a state of mind to diet right now! -- but it feels like water weight, I don't know why I think that, I don't have edema, I just feel water logged.

 

so if you're worried about the weight coming off -- and I don't blame you.  when a body loses weight really fast, even if we want and need to lose weight, it's a little nerve wracking. I thought I had cancer when I lost 40 in acute, it came off that fast -- but maybe it's water weight?  Even though 10 is a lot for water.  Did you change your diet at all?

[[Co...]]

Siggy, It is wonderful that months 5-10 were months of healing for you. It  seems common that returning sx and new sx show up in the second year. Despite the insomnia ( no small thing by any means) you sound good...as though you are managing . If you got through the first year you can pretty much do anything.  Wishing you sunbreaks...coop

[[Si...]]

Siggy, It is wonderful that months 5-10 were months of healing for you. It  seems common that returning sx and new sx show up in the second year. Despite the insomnia ( no small thing by any means) you sound good...as though you are managing . If you got through the first year you can pretty much do anything.  Wishing you sunbreaks...coop

 

Thanks Cooperten, I've been watching some of your posts from the sidelines. Yes, I try to deal with this the best I can. It gets hard though for sure. My wife is really supportive, which is great of course. I've seen where some people have issues with their s/o. We'll see what happens the next 3-6 months.

[[No...]]

Green ... regarding the weight ... I believe most of it so far is the water issue ... one thought I have had for a while centers around this idea of the benzo being a relaxant ... take them away and things contract ... and do not ebb and flow as they would normally ... and with healing moving along perhaps some of this ebb and flow is starting to return ... that was the issue I tried to get across to the morons regarding the lymph issue ... but what the hell do I know ...

 

I haven't done anything special reading diet or exercise ... hell, I haven't even been out in three days ... every time I go out lately I am getting smacked with sensory overload ...

 

And ... things are getting better ... slowly but surely ... my wife sees it and I trust her judgement ... I think we are just in the dog days of healing and things will get much better in the next few months ...

 

Happy Mother's Day ...

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... welcome aboard ... you should be very proud of yourself for getting this far ... and you are on your way to getting better ... the solution to this healing is really quite simple ... hang on until it is over ... in the meantime ... well, it is what it is until it isn't ... one day at a time ...

 

Be Well ... 

 

Thanks yes plodding forth ... Slowly. 

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... woke up this morning all chipper and smiling ... by 10 AM hit with the sternum pressure anxiety which lasted a few hours ... now, mostly just feeling dragged out and lazy ...

 

Sorry you break didn't last longer ... the Waltons should cheer you up ...