12-18 month support

[[Mi...]]

Hello folks!  Just realized today is 18 months and 1 day!  It's the final stretch I hope! 

 

I just came down with a really bad head and chest cold I'm sorta happy to report.  Sickness has been rare over the last few years, now I've caught something twice since this winter.  I swear it's a sign of normalcy returning. 

 

Have been in a wave for the past 10 days, now the sickness, so yeah I'm pretty spaced out lately.  Lotta vibrations...something I haven't felt in months.  Oh yeah, and my right eye lid has been twitching really bad for like a week...that's a new one!  lol  Oh well, at least I haven't had muscle itching or benzo belly in a month. 

 

The temp is going up to high 60's tomorrow, I cannot wait.  Time to get the snow tires off the truck and start picking up all the winter damage around the property.  Tons of branches came down.  Lotta work, but outside activity is what I need right now. 

 

Just wanted to check in.  Loved reading HealingHope's story (a week ago?)  I forget.  Short term memory is pretty fried most days.  Anyway it was extremely encouraging and made me smile.  I really believe in my heart this is going to be an awesome summer for a lot of us! 

 

Hoping for a check in from Korbe soon, tomorrrow is a week.

[[Mi...]]

Oh crap, 18 months 1 day.....am I not allowed to post here anymore? 

[[Co...]]

Mike...please by all means keep posting. There are people here who are past month 18..we will just make an addendum to make it 12,18,24 months...if that's ok with Green. ...nowhere to go from here except 'Protracted' and we are not letting anyone go there ...You are sounding good. I have had a return of facial twitching too...it's been gone for months, but here it is. ...Your post is encouraging ...You are healing and so is everyone here. .. Don't know how you do so much work, but I admire that you do. ..

....Congratulations on 18 months Mike....you are totally on the home stretch...really happy for you....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew,...test driving cars...Nova sitting in the sun ...the spring we have all been hoping for is here...next is healing. ...I am thrilled for you that you have not had any migraines. I would be nervous test driving a new car without being in w/d...good on you. ..Sounds like you backed down the circling monkeys ...score another one for you...You really are doing good Drew...encourages all of us.....enjoy the new car hunt....coop

[[So...]]

Having a rough day myself guys.  Woke up at 3am with dark mood.  Try so hard to escape it but can't.  That acceptance thing is much easier said than done.  I notice that when I get caught up in a conversation - like today at a restaurant for lunch - I pop out of it for that time.  I stop thinking about myself and how I feel.  That's a very hard habit to break.

[[Co...]]

SoCal...the dark moods and anxiety are really difficult to accept...they work on the very core of our worries. I think the fact that you can step outside of it for some conversation is a really good sign . ...I still find it difficult to go out for lunch with friends and family....some days I can and some days I cant. ...I hope your depressed mood lifts very soon. It is not you...it is all w/d.  ..better days are coming....coop

[[ga...]]

SoCAl...I can so relate to what you are going through.  This stuff is driving me crazy the past few weeks.  The lack of sleep has been more or less nonstop.  Just some occasional rest here and there.  Of course the depression and anxiety and wanting to throw in the towel are constant battles when feeling this way.  I have no idea what will cause this to break.  Hopefully very soon though.  I really would have expected so much better in month 21...but here I am.

[[Ha...]]

I'm sitting here,y chest and head are vibrating. I.hate that too, so.e days I have 0 energy, has to be wd!!! I am normally busy.... I get to days where I want to do nothing was never depressed before. Ugh

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Happy ..so sorry that you are in the thick of it...seems to be the theme lately. I think Green is right...months 16/17/18 are tough. She has big fatigue right now too. I had the worst panic in 9 months...yesterday ..like you I am in month 17...

...I have been reading so many success stories that say things start really looking up in month 18 or so. ...and HH is thinking that she will be able to write her success in a couple of months. She is at month 21 and feels healed but wants to be sure before she declares success.. boy, I am hanging on to that ...Hold on Happy...I have more concrete reasons to believe that this is all w/d and will get better....than I do reasons to believe it's not going to get better...Glad to see you on the thread...there is such great support here...I hope things ratchet down for you soon....coop

[[dr...]]

Hi all...I had racing heart and breathlessness all afternoon. Got out and forced myself a walk.  Feel better but I did something stupid which coop wll appreciate. I had a mole? Or something that was itchy last week. I'm pretty sure I scratched the hell out of it while sleeping.  Anywho...it stopped itching a few days ago but now looks scaly. It's not abnormal color or bleeding but I went on dr Google.  Basically, everything is melanoma and I'm dying.    scared the shit out of myself. Have a gp follow up appt on my migraines next week but this thing is now on my brain. I'm not freaking anymore cause I'm pretty sure I scratched it to death while sleeping and maybe it's healing. Just always do stupid things.  Funny thing was I was able to ignore it until my gf mentioned I should get it liked at. 

[[So...]]

Drew, I can so relate to you.  I am SOOOO suggestible.  I can be fine but if someone else mentions something like your girlfriend did then I immediately start to obsess.  Anyone else relate to that?

[[Co...]]

Drew, I'M your girl for hypochondria...we are so so vulnerable to it in w/d because of all the awful body sensations and intrusive w/d thoughts. ....Drew, I am no physician, but I don't think melonoma starts out being itchy...but boy, do I K ow how it goes from 0 to 60 in a split second and then all the anxiety sx are on board before you can get on top of them.My eye floaters became a brain tumor in less than a minute with no help what so ever from Dr. Google....My thinking is that it is good to get things checked out...not because they are necessarily a problem but because the all clear is so reassuring....and then we can stop worrying about that thing.

.....You sound like you holding your own with it....

..Did your anxiety rush calm down?. ....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green and Nova....yep tired tired. I keep remembering what Drew said ( paraphrase)...in essence, follow your body...if you need to kick back...kick back...Green, yes, I think almost anything is better than wild anxiety.

....It is a perfect day to rest easy...on the patio or on the couch. I have been in bed all day except for taking the dog out...but feeling better....no panic.  That is my only bar today. In a good baseline day I wouldn't be happy with this, but given that yesterday I was crazed with panic and sheer terror, believing that I was in mortal danger....it's a very good day. Funny how sx dictate what can be called a good day.

....Green I hope you can see that play before it's gone.

. .Unbelievably, my day is ok...just ok , but I will take it with both hands. ... Nova, enjoy those last rays of sun...coop

 

Yes, Coop, and Nova, the fatigue, tired.  but not the battery is drained and you're dying now feeling.  this is just a feeling of needing rest.  I did get off the couch and get to my show, and now I'm back on the couch .

 

I wonder if we're getting close?

[[Gr...]]

Hi all...I had racing heart and breathlessness all afternoon. Got out and forced myself a walk.  Feel better but I did something stupid which coop wll appreciate. I had a mole? Or something that was itchy last week. I'm pretty sure I scratched the hell out of it while sleeping.  Anywho...it stopped itching a few days ago but now looks scaly. It's not abnormal color or bleeding but I went on dr Google.  Basically, everything is melanoma and I'm dying.    scared the shit out of myself. Have a gp follow up appt on my migraines next week but this thing is now on my brain. I'm not freaking anymore cause I'm pretty sure I scratched it to death while sleeping and maybe it's healing. Just always do stupid things.  Funny thing was I was able to ignore it until my gf mentioned I should get it liked at.

 

Drew, you really should get it looked at. I'm sure it's fine, but that's one of those 100% curable things if there is a problem if you get it looked at early. A dermatologist can tell in three seconds.  The shape, color, texture.  And you live in sunny Calif?

[[Gr...]]

Mike...please by all means keep posting. There are people here who are past month 18..we will just make an addendum to make it 12,18,24 months...if that's ok with Green. ...nowhere to go from here except 'Protracted' and we are not letting anyone go there ...You are sounding good. I have had a return of facial twitching too...it's been gone for months, but here it is. ...Your post is encouraging ...You are healing and so is everyone here. .. Don't know how you do so much work, but I admire that you do. ..

....Congratulations on 18 months Mike....you are totally on the home stretch...really happy for you....coop

 

Mike, this is the last stop. No protracted boards.  We all stay right here until we heal.  Everybody good with that?

[[dr...]]

Coop et al...I'll get it checked at my regular visit Wednesday or maybe I'll pop in Monday. My anxiety is back down. I did my cbt chart for catastrophing thoughts as this qualified.  Not much evidence for except dr Google and much against it. I took a long bath and it seems to be scabbing and shrinking.  I think it may have been a bite of some sort and I know I scratched it really bad in my sleep. This is probably the healing and I didn't have a bump or mole there two weeks ago.  If it is a mole I caught it early like green said. I just hate how our minds run away so easily but that seems to be common here.  The cbt really helps because you actually write it all out and see how warped our thinking can be.  Im not going to beat myself up although I want to.  I'll look at it as a positive that I freaked and recovered quickly using my cbt.  It is a learning process. 

[[Co...]]

Green...lol...I am not surprised that you went...I remember last year when you posted about going into the city to see a play with your friend .....and how miserable you were with head pressure and d/r .....I know it's not 100%: yet.....but huge difference between that post and who you are now ...running in to see shows all the time.

  .Yes, I hope we are close.  And I am totally 100 % good with everyone staying right here until we all heal....yep, nobody left behind.  Look at that we ran out of 6 month stints. 6-12, 12-18, 12-18-24.......we have traveled so far together....coop

[[dr...]]

And I'm like the younger brother at month 11 tagging along. 

[[So...]]

And I'm like the younger brother at month 11 tagging along. 

 

Me too Jump buddy!

[[Co...]]

No, Drew...we all started together at 6 months...you just jumped on late...not early. ..I am so glad that you are here...you bring so much good news and information and huge encouragement to the thread. I can't wait to see you cross the finish....Glad you went with the CBT exercise instead of a Google search....I know you will better after you have it checked...coop

[[Fi...]]

I'm afraid I don't agree with this fear and loathing of the protracted board.  Some people over there have some interesting insights on how to cope long term, and I don't think an arbitrary avoidance of it or nursing a fear of the mounting number of months is going to change anybody's length of time for healing.  There's nothing about slipping past 18 months or reading the protracted board that means you are signing up to go on and on.

 

Protracted members probably aren't reading the 12-18 month support thread, but I  doubt it would feel comforting to them to know they are regarded as some kind of leper colony.

 

I may have it wrong, but I think it was a wonderful protracted member named Galea who put it so well, that we must "relax into the unknowable timeline for our healing."  I think getting upset about stepping over an arbitrary timeline definition is the exact opposite of this and detrimental to healing.

 

At 19 and a half months, I am officially protracted.  I'm not going to spend any more emotional energy straining against that definition than I did worrying about whether I was actually addicted.  Neither label has anything to do with the label I'm trying to patiently wait for --100% well.

[[Co...]]

Dear FJ.. You may not have intended to, but I think you just dissed us here. I think you may have taken our hoped not to become protracted in w/d as a slight to the BBs on the protracted board. Nobody is thinking of the BBs on the protracted board as loathsome or leprosy.  .what a mean thing to say.

  ...I know some of the buddies on the protracted board from when I first came to the forum. I posted several times on the protracted board last week.

.......None of us want to go one day longer than we have to. None of us wanted to go a day past 6 months.....I may end up going longer than 24 months and if I do I will accept it just as I have accepted 12 months and 18 months.

...You would have to search high and low to find people more caring and compassionate than those here.

...We loathe becoming protracted...not the protracted board. The BBs on the protracted board didn't want to protracted in thier recovery either...I have nothing but respect and caring for anyone who is traveling this road too long...no matter what month they are counting or not counting.

....criticizing us is not supportive...and it makes it hard for us to be friends with you. ...I respect your thoughts but you just seem to bang us over the head with them....coop

[[Ch...]]

Was passing by and thought I'd mention that I saw noticeable improvement starting at 15 months.  Up until then I couldn't see any changes except by looking behind me a few months.  From 15-18 months there were lots of good changes.  After that I began to re-enter life much more.  I had one last unexpected miserable wave somewhere around that time and came out with a surprisingly higher baseline that stuck.

 

I still had waves after pushing the envelope hard (which I did over and over again) but they were much milder than before… the physical symptoms were a mere shadow of their former selves as were the mental/emotional ones.  The fatigue is what lingered longer than anything else.  But seeing that I was on benzos 30+ years, maybe the fatigue is from being …you know… old.

 

It's a slow process, nerve regeneration is.  But thankfully it happens.

 

[[Fi...]]

Coop--Susan asked if we were all good with avoiding the protracted board.  I felt like giving an honest answer, in spite of the fact that I  long ago realized that's not what this thread is about.  I just tried to express what I thought might be a way to look at the length of our suffering in a way that would make it more endurable.  I'm not writing posts trying to get you to be my friend.  Other people besides your core group do sometimes seem to visit this thread, though, and I don't think it hurts to have a philosophical take on things that doesn't necessarily agree with the your party line.  I'm sorry if I seem to be dissing you.  I guess I should admit to disagreeing. Is that dissing?

 

 

[[Co...]]

Challis....thank you so much for the encouraging post. We live on the encouragement from those who have healed ahead of us...There are a few of us who are closing in on month 18 and getting hit really hard in that exact time frame that you mentioned.

....You sound so well...gives us such good hope that we will all get our lives back....Wishing you all the happiness of a healing....coop...