12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Well...seems lIke fear is the special on the 20 page w/d menu.

.....Mrs. I am so right there with you but with a side of Jenny's situational fear/anxiety/ panic. I had to make a simple eye exam appointment yesterday and had all the panic sx that Mrs described to the 't'. Got up today and had to call them back for schedule change....another day of cascading panics...the kind that tell you that you are dying in the moment. It's all situational panic...I really know that but it feels like I am 10 seconds away from collapsing. B/p shoots for the stars...my b/p med helps but I have rebound cortisol spikes in between doses....tomorrow is the appointment so that will be day 3 of panic...although I am working hard on imaging getting through it gracefully with an all well diagnosis. ...I have not had the fight/flight panic in more than 6 months.. ...Mrs. ..I have been in my 'distraction center' ( aka....my bed...with dog and tv and note4) ....Your attitude is about 1000x better than mine.. I hope you are feeling recovered. Your post was reassuring to me....we couldn't both be dying....Are you feeling better tonight?

.......Jenny....I get dread and anxiety too ...if I am not in a window when I have to make social plans. My self might be looking forward to it, but my mind just goes right to dread.

It is so hard to still be having all of this so far out. I have pestered Drew, Garton, Green and Nova....they are all in some variation of our theme. At least we have good friends to communicate with from our various distraction centers.

.....I am so truly sorry that all of us are in the soup tonight. I am thinking  of every one of you and hoping that we all bust out of this .....right now!! ..  love to all of you....coop

[[mr...]]

Hiya Coop,

 

Yes, feeling much better. Alongside that, a bit frustrated, angry, annoyed, irritated, etc... I really and truly do want to learn how to handle & face fear ~ which means actually doing just that. I am considering seeking some information on doing this more effectively - like perhaps a book or something. Anyways, lol

 

One step at a time. Love ya girl

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Mrs....sounds like you did a pretty good job of facing down your fear /panic out there on the running trail...Drew is liking his CBT...I took a CBT training also when I started my taper. Teaches you some really good stratagies. I can't back down a full blown panic with CBT, but it is very helpful in navigating this rocky road . ....So glad you are feeling better.  coop

[[dr...]]

Hi all fellow panicky peeps . I did okay the rest of the day. By no means did I feel well as I got a headache and I'm exhausted but very little panic or anxiety. I'll take it!

 

Went to therapist. Interesting....we discussed my fears of never healing, not beiing able to work, or ending in the loony bin. He explained to me I'm facing all those fears every day head on already.  He doubts it would get worse than now.  He also said if you did end up in the bin the fear of it is worse than the actuality of the experience. Oh my. lol

 

We then went through the CBT stuff. He is going to read Recovery and Renewal so we can be on the same page. Our next phase is to learn to cope/accept the symptoms as they come which we agree can't be always avoided or lessened.  We also agreed that I need to stop clock watching my healing. I get obsessed w dates.  Now we will allow thirteen more months to make two years before we question any symptom or feeling.  Much more but that's the gist of it. Good to have an ally who isn't doubting my experience now.

 

Hope we all get a break tomorrow!

 

Mrs-I guess if you do it enough and just let the fear pass through it will fade(doesn't always apply in benzo land)

[[Co...]]

Drew, you are so great to share your CBT office notes with us. I am thinking about trying to find someone in my city. I am so glad to hear that he listens to you and cares enough to read Recovery and Renewal....Happy for you that the fear and anxiety has past.  Thank you for all the support....coop

[[Mi...]]

Mrs.-- that must have been scary. I think our flight/fight responses are way over sensitized so that's why a minor thing can throw us into such a huge panic. One of my favorite neighbors is moving away and they are having a BBQ in a few weeks so we can meet the new neighbors and socialize with everyone... Well I should be excited, but the thought of meeting new people and all these neighbors being there is already sending me down panic lane.  I really want to go, and I will go but I know it's not going to be easy for me. Sigh. We will get through this. I hope your feeling better, jenny

 

MRS:  I totally understand everything you said about fear.  I also have a large amount of sudden fear associated with things that wouldn't rattle a typical person.  Loud noises, things that happen when you're driving....not major, just minor things......so yeah...when they happen, I jump.....I jump all the time.  I have always been scared easily, but not with smaller everyday stuff.  When it happens I feel a cool rush run throughout my body, sometimes I can feel my head hair have a goosebump type reaction.  It lasts about 3 seconds and gone.  Just my CNS telling me, yeah, I'm a little sensitive still. 

 

JENNY:  Your meet and greet BBQ thing will go fine, I'm glad you're already stating that you're going.  Remember you said that and hold yourself to it.  : )  Things like that are the best practice when trying to get back to our normal lives.  It may not be easy, but I really believe pushing our social limits is a great workout for our CNS, our speech skills and comfort using them, and our emotions.  Things have gotten a lot better since I started saying yes to everything many months ago.  It doesn't help keep waves away, but it sure made me less uptight about handling all sorts of events, and also got rid of the depression I was feeling about being too stagnant.  I can't be depressed about not doing stuff if I always say yes to doing stuff, duh!  It may not have gone perfectly but I was there.

 

One last thing I firmly believe in.  (Relating to your neighborhood gathering)  So many people have so many problems!!  So many people are hiding something and just want to be on their way.  So many people need to cover their problems with drugs or booze just to be at that same function.  They don't want to deal with us, and we don't want to deal with them....... why?  because we are still dealing with a lingering withdrawal??? ....because we are on a journey to a fantastic new life?.....because we care so much about what other people think of us?  It's stupid.    Think about how many people we have spoken with in our lives.  As an example, just think about how many of them probably had a social anxiety disorder....or how many of them are going through a divorce, or had just lost a loved one, or may have been doing their best to hide drug use, or the fact that they were in a ton of physical pain.  Hell, some people you can tell are barely even conscious....like they just float through their day oblivious to anything.  Who knows what their deal is.  My point is, at social gatherings don't feel scared.  Most of the people walking this planet are either messed up themselves, or too self absorbed to notice any of our imperfections that we think we're exuding.

 

Besides,

 

"What you think of me is none of my business"

[[ga...]]

Mike...I think that is good advice you gave Jenny.  Just get out, even though it can be very hard at times, is the way to go.  I am always worried that I will be too tired from lack of sleep to really enjoy anything.  Then I start feeling depressed because I am not putting enough on my plate.  I feel bored, socially isolated etc.  I wish it was just that easy to put myself out there.  The big issues for me are scheduling vacations because of fear I will be miserable because I will be exhausted.  Well, is it better to miss the opportunity and sit around the house?  For me...I really am trying to work in the direction you are suggesting.  Thanks for putting it out there.

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... I suppose if I go to sleep at 7 PM being awake at midnight is to be expected ...

 

Good posts from everyone today ...

 

I looked back on some "themes" I have been journaling these past few weeks ...

 

Equilibrium ... contraction ... inflammation ...

 

Helps me with my perspective during this process ... and doesn't help usually when I am in the throes of an acute episode ...

 

I will not get all long-winded on you right now ...

 

The short version seems to be my sense/feeling of balance has been thrown into turmoil .... and I move between periods of contraction and inflammation physically and mentally without a solid sense of balance ... and that is scary ... the fear often feels constantly present ... I feel threatened ...

 

And ... perhaps this is what healing feels likes ...

 

Be Well ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... how are you doing? ... I see your light is still on ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova, things are down a notch...Glad I resisted the screaming urge to go to er. Your story helped me a lot and the one raveled shred of rational thought that managed to rise above the panic was knowing that it was entirely situational.  .blasted in the minute I called the clinic for the eye appointment. ....When will I learn....Haven't had a panic like that in months.....that was then, this is now and right now I am fine....shaken up and flung around but okay. Tomorrow I am expecting round 3 as I actually have to keep the eye appointment.

......All I can say is thank god for friends on BB.....How are youbdoing.  In the middle of your night.? ...Are you up for tea and oatmeal raisin cookies?....Did you get any rest Nova?....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... I shut down around 630 last night ... and got 5 hours of sleep ...

 

Your eye appointment will go fine tomorrow ... is someone going with you? ... don't forget your dark glasses, always helpful if they dilate your eyes ...

 

I am hanging out tonight ... listening to an audiobook ... Gabor Mate "When The Body Says No" ... good stuff for me to pay attention to ...

 

Hope you get a good sleep ...

[[Co...]]

Nova...thanks for the reminder of sun glasses....yes my daughter who is so kind is going with me...The book sounds perfect...Glad you got some rest..  carry on friend....and thank you for your support....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... going to try for a little more sleep ... getting drowsy again ... talk tomorrow ...

 

We are all doing just fine ... as long as they let us out of the spin dryer once in a while ...

[[Co...]]

Sleep well Nova...

[[Sk...]]

Hiya gang,

 

Just dialing it down here at the moment, front and center of my "distraction center" (i.e. my love seat + ottoman, movie, and laptop).

 

I went out for a walk and decided it was time for me to 'experiment' with a little bit of "interval training".  Interval training is where you intensify your exercise for a short burst, and allow a period of time to rest in-between.  One can do 5-10 sets of this, and it is usually recommended to do once per week in order to help the body "break" through any "muscle memory" it may be setting with cardiovascular exercising.  Anyways, I decided to do a 10-second interval of running, interspersed with a 50-second "cool down" period.  After the third interval, my heart rate was elevated outside of my comfort zone ~ and I got a bit scared.  Adrenaline, cortisol, etc ~ which equated to my "fight/flight" response and some "fear" response - shakey, panicky, fear, fast heart rate, etc.  I slowed my pace and made myself relax physically.  I sat down for a while to allow myself some rest.  I gently walked home.

 

I, of course, knew (and know) that I wasn't dying, and I felt fine physically even through the higher heart rate ~ it is just was emotionally uncomfortable experience for me.  It is something that I'm finding that I might need to sort-of work my way through, with time.  Also, it seems as though my "fear" response is a bit heightened/"oversensitive", per say ~ meaning, I feel that I experience a higher-than-normal amount of "fear" as a response to things that would only elicit a "normal" amount of "fear" in a "normal" person -- if that makes sense.  It's annoying, for sure ~ but I am just going to choose to look onward and forward, believing that things will get better/easier with time, all the while working on myself and facing fears and learning how to deal with things properly.

 

Wow.  Well, it has been a long time since I've felt like that ~ I can say one thing is for sure, I am no longer "sluggish" in bowel movements tonight!   Haha, Panic/Adrenaline: The Ultimate Anti-Constipation Treatment!   Thanks for listening to me as I type and pour out my thoughts, and dial down from that escapade.  Jenny, Coop, Nova, Drew,...we've all experienced a taste of this "panic/anxiety" type junkiness recently...it must mean some healing and major corners are about to turn soon...

 

I am hopeful you all are feeling well tonight.  I am on my way to this as well.  Take care and rest well tonight,

 

Mrs.

 

What a correct assessment. I think you are right, our bodies misinterpret any exercise, they see it as something to fear and go in alert. I tried wh at you did, I loved it while I was doing it and then I realized it was too much for me. 

[[Sk...]]

Hiya Coop,

 

Yes, feeling much better. Alongside that, a bit frustrated, angry, annoyed, irritated, etc... I really and truly do want to learn how to handle & face fear ~ which means actually doing just that. I am considering seeking some information on doing this more effectively - like perhaps a book or something. Anyways, lol

 

One step at a time. Love ya girl

 

Mrs.

 

Look forward to your updates on the topic then. 

[[mr...]]

Thanks Sky

 

Mrs.

[[Te...]]

Coop thanks for the company last night.....couldnt sleep....ugh

 

Have a great day!

 

Hugs!

TM

[[ga...]]

Only a few hours sleep last night and up at 3 a.m.  Geeez.  Getting old.  Lots of anxiety and fear at that hour.  Worrying about all kinds of stuff...from the crazy world we live in to my own issues.  Feeling out of control and hopeless.  No work today thank goodness but am suppose to work the next three days.

[[pe...]]

From my brief scan, it looks like there are many 'in the soup' and I'm here to join ya. I'm doing ok, I know I am. Sympotmatic for sure, but it's breaking up, lightening up. I have been under a lot of stress - good stress, bad stress, STRESS. It all culminates in the next few days. I have 15 parent/teacher conferences today and 9 more tomorrow. On Saturday we fly with our young sons to visit my sister for a few days. I long for my bed, for some time off. I've got to get through these conferences. That's all. Then I think things will calm down or I'll calm down with things.

 

I love you buddies. I hope we all get through this day with a little bit of extra grace.

Peace2

 

And Nova, yes - boof. BOOF!

[[Co...]]

Texasmama...it was nice to meet you. I am up myself a little earlier than usual...also a night of anxiety. This has been a big slip back for me...hoping to ride this wave out...A day of lavender Epsome salts hot baths...I hope you can get some rest throughout the day...Wishing you some sunbreaks ...coop

[[Co...]]

Oh,Peace !!!....It is wonderful to see you here. Despite sx and stress you really sound good underneath it...I am SO happy to hear that.

.  Ever the MightyGirl...parent conferences...Wishing you the best with those...boy, do you need Spring Break...when is it?

...Your post this morning will bring alot of happiness to the thread this morning...How have you been the last few weeks? Your mental sounds good. We all love you here....Hope you have chocolate in your lunch today...love to you....coop

[[ga...]]

I have been having a difficult few days and nights.  Last night..no exception.  Just letting things get to me in those early morning hours.  Fear and anxiety about the future are the biggies for now.  Not living in the moment.  Worried that I will not be able to function at work and daily activities...on and on....  I sure hope this settles down soon.  Just not comfortable in my own shoes.  I have got to believe the lack of sleep is causing this to spiral out of control.

[[No...]]

Garton ... not getting the sleep we believe we need can sure get messy for some of us ...

 

And ... for me ... there is often a lot of space between what I feel and what is actually going on for me ... the same holds true for many of the thoughts that float around  in my head ...

 

I can feel hopeless, or helpless, or frightened ... and those feelings are certainly real ... and they are part of this process I am going through ... perfectly understandable ... and ... in my calmer moments I know they do not define me ...

 

I certainly have no control over what shows up ... and I am learning I do have some choice in how I respond to what shows up ...

 

And this is hard, day to day work, especially when I am tired ...

 

Be Well ...

[[No...]]

Peace ... good to hear from you ... you sound "okay" ... enjoy your break/rest after the next couple of days ...