12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Hey Coop ... for a while, maybe a few months ago ... I had a whole aquarium of amoebas that would visit from time to time in one eye or the other and rarely both eyes ... freaky as hell ... would usually last anywhere from half an hour to two or three hours ... as Drew would say, drove me bat shit ...

 

They eventually swam away and got eaten by Jaws ...

[[dr...]]

uh...nova...its crazy ass batshit

[[ga...]]

Interesting you bring up the floater Coop.  Something that happens to us older folks.  The vitrious solution in the eye solidifies and breaks away from the retina...something like that anyway as it was described to me.  Had the EXACT same thing two years ago.  That little amoeba floats around in my left eye.  Your brain will eventually accept and ignore it.  Just keep an "eye" out for retinal detachment which can occur.  You would see lots of floater and flashing light if that were to occur.  In this case you would want to get to your retinal specialist so he could treat it with a laser as soon as possible.

[[No...]]

Drew ... I stand corrected ...

 

Coop ... that is crazy ass bat shit ...

[[No...]]

Having a faux asthma day ... and got the freaky zappy nerve firings in my arms ... got tired of watching it and listening to it so I made cookies ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova, I love you. Thanks for notifying the official benzo relief day peeps. I was already rowing through a wave....this didn't help. My amoeba is there all the time. It could be as simple as a viscosity issue or a small tear ( according to the receptionist).. and that is more than likely exactly what it is. And things will return to normal...well, ' normal' w/d.. thank you dear friend for your constant support and voice of reason. How are you doing today?...I hope you are feeling much much better.. no more panics for us white hair BBs....it takes too much stuffing out of us. .. Hope you can get out today....we have rain and cold here.. just to make things perfect.. .love to you Nova.....coop

[[Co...]]

Garton..hank you so much!...that is such a help...I am sure it is nothing more serious...it sounds exactly as you describe. I am seeing the opthomologist tomorrow. My eye aches a little but I have been trying to ' look around'  the amoeba. .or over it so my poor eyeball is doing gymnastics....Really Garton, you have no idea how much you have helped me get some perspective on this. I feel SO stupid for going over the cliff with this.  Thank you so much.  coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... I am doing okay ... got out for a while today and just mostly stood around in the sunshine ... our sidewalks are still a total mess ... so using the bus to get around ...

 

And by mid afternoon the last couple of days it is getting above freezing ... supposed to get some rain tomorrow and Friday ...

 

Sorry, I missed that your amoeba is constant ... after your exam you will get the reassurance you need ... hang on ...

[[Co...]]

Nova, I don't think I clarified that my little pre-fish friend is constant. ...Cookies.  the very best help for all things crappy. What kind are you baking? . Enjoy your little patches of sun. Could you send me the coordinateson your compass that got you back to ' Center'.. thank you so much Nova... carry on with the cookies..  coop

[[No...]]

Made my big, fat oatmeal and raisin cookies ...

 

For me, I don't think my Center ever really leaves ... it is always there ... seems when I get overly tangled up with this stuff I lose touch with it ... when I can get untangled I can get back in touch ... what "causes" the disconnect? ... I don't feel there is really any cause or anything to blame ...

 

Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and then I end up feeling disconnected ... and start looking around for something to "do" ... and then the escalation starts ...

 

Hard as it is oftentimes ... for me, doing nothing usually gives the best results ... and after each episode, when I can, I try to reflect a little on what has transpired ... sort of do a little replay ... sometimes it is useful, sometimes not ...

 

For me, I am learning that the fear thing is the big trigger for me ... and that is going to need a lot of sorting out ...

[[Co...]]

Nova...yum...oatmeal raisin..big fat ones...perfect..eat at least 3.

....Yes the escalating fear...that is always my red button for 'GO....PANIC'..  at a certain point there is no stopping it. And reflecting does always help to get a little pre-panic pespective on the next one. I know it takes a lot more to make me panic now.....You are so steady Nova ...always getting untangled and back to center. ..I get hung up thinking, " I can not keep riding this roller coaster" ...but the only way off is either over the side or staying in the seat until it stops.This just happens to be one of those mile long sky high roller coasters....lucky us. 

.....carry on....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... ate two cookies ... may have to skip dinner ... 

 

I keep reflecting back to the folks who have gotten through this ... and the theme seems to be ... no matter how messy and scary , no matter how long it goes on, there is an end to this ...

 

That is my evidence for recovery ... and I cannot find any fault with it ... there seems to be only two things for me to do ... be patient and stay in the game ...

 

And I know I am getting better ... the trick is to believe it ...

[[Ha...]]

If it's any consolation I had a pet omebia myself in my right eye... I also when I sit can see my pulse at times.... boy how long this journey is... we are just a day part coop. I'm still waving. Though I'd be healed by now... not... heart palps suck.

 

 

[[Ko...]]

Coop,

Sounds to me like you have a floater. I got a new one too, last year. I have several but your brain will adjust and it won't be so noticeable. Good to check it out to make sure no detachment is happening. 

Good luck with your eye appt. I Hope it's not to stressful.

 

FLUMAZINAL TREATMENTS:

Just called the Coleman Clinic.  They actually do the Flumazinil treatments for people already off the drug and suffering acute withdrawal.  It cost $3600.00 for 7 days. Plus you have to fly to their clinic and pay for a room and you must bring a friend to help you through this.  There are no guarantees.

Some people are helped and others are not. No one knows why.

 

If one has the money, a friend and the time it's probably worth trying. Certainly wouldn't hurt.

I'm seriously thinking about it.

[[Co...]]

Nova, I agree...the evidence lies in all of the 'healed' stories. And yes staying in the game..I just completely lose all ability to be rational in a panic ( guess that's why they call it a panic)...but once the panic settles I can usually get back in the game.  It just seems like this should be DONE now.. but it's not.  I am up to bat again.  coop

[[Co...]]

Korbe, is there a way to check thier results with actual pts? .

....Believe me, after this tsunami of a wave of panics I get the feeling of be willing to try something to get it done. ...Why the friend? ...Do they not have staff to provide pt. support?...

....Keep us posted on what more you find out. ...thank you so much for the information about the floater.  It is sounding less and less like a brain tumor.. lol....

......Wishing you some sunbreaks Korbe.  coop

[[dr...]]

I am a pro at getting through the panics but the DR right after a bad one is frightening. 

 

On another note...and there always is another...my appetite is shot right now.  I have to force food down. What is weird I can be totally starving and I mean ravenous ten minutes later.  fun times...

 

I see my CBT thereapist a bit later.  Looking forward to it.  Worst case I vent to someone who HAS to listen. 

[[Co...]]

Drew, ...I posted s few months back about losing all sense of hunger. .For me, it comes and goes as a feature of w/d...and in a panic of course I just want to throw up....and yes following a panic  I can't eat for hours...and then like you.  I am really hungry. The panics and intense anxiety takes everything out of us...I also am immensly tired for a few days........How any of us do this is amazing.  We are the strong ones...there are so many people who can not get off of them....but we sure leave a lot of skin on the field.....coop

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep, I suppose that's why they call it panic ...

 

Just looked at the weather forecast for around here ... gotta stop doing that ... looks like as 2 and half day storm cycle ... mostly wind and rain, with some snow and freezing rain thrown in ... oh well ...

 

I think I am going to make an early night of this ... feeling tired ... hope you have a good evening ... 

[[Co...]]

Sleep well Nova...thank you for the support today.  coop

[[Co...]]

" I have been terrified every moment of my life. I never let it stop me from doing anything"

..........Georgia O'Keefe.....

 

......well, there's a quote that makes me feel very wimpy.....coop

[[Ko...]]

Korbe, is there a way to check thier results with actual pts? .

....Believe me, after this tsunami of a wave of panics I get the feeling of be willing to try something to get it done. ...Why the friend? ...Do they not have staff to provide pt. support?...

....Keep us posted on what more you find out. ...thank you so much for the information about the floater.  It is sounding less and less like a brain tumor.. lol....

......Wishing you some sunbreaks Korbe.  coop

 

I spoke to Jennifer at Colemans today. You have to go to the clinic to get the infusions, sort of like Chemo. But you have to stay at a hotel nearby.  They want you to have someone with you in case you have a bad reaction and probably to drive etc. She did say that it dose help some people,but not others, so they can't guarantee results.  They have 2 clinics that do the Lamazenil infusion. One in Seattle and another in Virginia. I'm in Calif. So Seattle is close for me. 

I'm thinking its worth a try to get better or even a little better earlier. I'm going to try to find someone to go with me then I'll call them back and more details.  My mother would go, but she's 87 & I'm not sure she's up for it. I have another friend who is a school counselor and she would probably go, but not till schools out. There are only few people I would want to be there. 

I'll keep you posted. Good luck with the eye thing.

[[mr...]]

Hiya gang,

 

Just dialing it down here at the moment, front and center of my "distraction center" (i.e. my love seat + ottoman, movie, and laptop).

 

I went out for a walk and decided it was time for me to 'experiment' with a little bit of "interval training".  Interval training is where you intensify your exercise for a short burst, and allow a period of time to rest in-between.  One can do 5-10 sets of this, and it is usually recommended to do once per week in order to help the body "break" through any "muscle memory" it may be setting with cardiovascular exercising.  Anyways, I decided to do a 10-second interval of running, interspersed with a 50-second "cool down" period.  After the third interval, my heart rate was elevated outside of my comfort zone ~ and I got a bit scared.  Adrenaline, cortisol, etc ~ which equated to my "fight/flight" response and some "fear" response - shakey, panicky, fear, fast heart rate, etc.  I slowed my pace and made myself relax physically.  I sat down for a while to allow myself some rest.  I gently walked home.

 

I, of course, knew (and know) that I wasn't dying, and I felt fine physically even through the higher heart rate ~ it is just was emotionally uncomfortable experience for me.  It is something that I'm finding that I might need to sort-of work my way through, with time.  Also, it seems as though my "fear" response is a bit heightened/"oversensitive", per say ~ meaning, I feel that I experience a higher-than-normal amount of "fear" as a response to things that would only elicit a "normal" amount of "fear" in a "normal" person -- if that makes sense.  It's annoying, for sure ~ but I am just going to choose to look onward and forward, believing that things will get better/easier with time, all the while working on myself and facing fears and learning how to deal with things properly.

 

Wow.  Well, it has been a long time since I've felt like that ~ I can say one thing is for sure, I am no longer "sluggish" in bowel movements tonight!   Haha, Panic/Adrenaline: The Ultimate Anti-Constipation Treatment!   Thanks for listening to me as I type and pour out my thoughts, and dial down from that escapade.  Jenny, Coop, Nova, Drew,...we've all experienced a taste of this "panic/anxiety" type junkiness recently...it must mean some healing and major corners are about to turn soon...

 

I am hopeful you all are feeling well tonight.  I am on my way to this as well.  Take care and rest well tonight,

 

Mrs.

[[je...]]

Korbe, is there a way to check thier results with actual pts? .

....Believe me, after this tsunami of a wave of panics I get the feeling of be willing to try something to get it done. ...Why the friend? ...Do they not have staff to provide pt. support?...

....Keep us posted on what more you find out. ...thank you so much for the information about the floater.  It is sounding less and less like a brain tumor.. lol....

......Wishing you some sunbreaks Korbe.  coop

 

I spoke to Jennifer at Colemans today. You have to go to the clinic to get the infusions, sort of like Chemo. But you have to stay at a hotel nearby.  They want you to have someone with you in case you have a bad reaction and probably to drive etc. She did say that it dose help some people,but not others, so they can't guarantee results.  They have 2 clinics that do the Lamazenil infusion. One in Seattle and another in Virginia. I'm in Calif. So Seattle is close for me. 

I'm thinking its worth a try to get better or even a little better earlier. I'm going to try to find someone to go with me then I'll call them back and more details.  My mother would go, but she's 87 & I'm not sure she's up for it. I have another friend who is a school counselor and she would probably go, but not till schools out. There are only few people I would want to be there. 

I'll keep you posted. Good luck with the eye thing.

 

 

Korbe,

It sounds like its treatment for the acute phase, like someone who recently jumped or c/r. I don't think it would benefit someone who's over a year out, but maybe I'm understanding it wrong.

[[je...]]

Mrs.-- that must have been scary. I think our flight/fight responses are way over sensitized so that's why a minor thing can throw us into such a huge panic. One of my favorite neighbors is moving away and they are having a BBQ in a few weeks so we can meet the new neighbors and socialize with everyone... Well I should be excited, but the thought of meeting new people and all these neighbors being there is already sending me down panic lane.  I really want to go, and I will go but I know it's not going to be easy for me. Sigh. We will get through this. I hope your feeling better, jenny