12-18 month support

[[ga...]]

A difficult night and past couple of days and nights with irrational fears and lots of anxiety associated with it.  Hard to put a finger on what is causing it...except for the usual culprit, lack of sleep and those early morning wakeups and lying in bed ruminating.  Amazing the garbage that can go through your mind at those ungodly hours of the morning.  Really can bring on depression and anxiety.  Last night I took some Nyquil due to a head cold right before bed. Usually, that helps me sleep.  Oh well...onward and hopefully I can manage through the day.  I WILL FIND A WAY as always.

 

Glad to hear things are a bit better for you Nova....this stuff comes and goes and you are do for a break!  Damn doctors!!!

 

For all the others having a difficult time we will trudge through it as always and the will be better times.  Thinking of you today.

[[Wh...]]

Whyowhy...boy you sound good. One year and a few months?

Your wave sx seem to reflect what a lot of us are getting in late waves after some weeks of feeling better.  A reappearance of anxiety episodes. ...It is so nice to hear that you feel so good for so long in between waves...so happy for you. . Thank you for coming back to post to us.  We can use some goid progress stories now. I hope it just keeps going for you.  coop

 

Thanks Coop! Its been a long ride through hell, but I think it's getting better! I'm just not a patient person! LOL

[[No...]]

Hi Garton ... sending you some  :sleepy: :sleepy: :sleepy: ... use as needed ... no side effects ...

[[Gr...]]

Good morning -- afternoon, everyone.

 

I took some asha - something, I can't look for that spelling right now.  I took it early, like 1 a.m., it's supposed to wind the brain down, reset it to go to sleep earlier.  and I did sleep, from 3:30 until 11 a.m., only one wakeup. 

 

Guys, I was doubting myself -- maybe Nova's post triggered these thoughts. I've been thinking, could I possibly be making this up?  Is it psychosomatic?  Isn't it crazy that most people seem to be moving on with their lives, and I've still got this crazy shit going on? After 16 months?  It wasn't wave thinking, it was just me, sort of stunned myself that this could still be happening, and questioning, that maybe there is something wrong with me mentally?  I've been having a lot of doubts. 

 

Then I thought of Baylissa, she is very normal,  a counselor herself, and this happened to her, and she came out on the other side, wrote a book, helped a lot of people.

 

And then I started thinking about this guy from here, I guess I can say his name, I'm not saying anything that he didn't post publicly on here, Tex67, he had an "early" success story, less than a year, went back to work, and when I looked him up today, unfortunately, he had reinstated and was doing a very quick taper, starting all over again.  which made me think of More Chocolate, another 7 month success story, and she came back at 16 months with an awful wave, and then finally another success story at somewhere less than two years.  So that kind of validates what I believe.

 

But I'm having trouble with my level of function.  I don't seem to be doing as much as I think I should be.  Other people seem to do more.  People are back to work.  they get on planes, go on vacations.  I still have a major problem sleeping anywhere but my own bed.

 

I guess it's all individual.  I guess I do some things that other people are looking at me and thinking, wow, I'm not doing that.  Or we have some people still mostly on the couch, real all-the-time fatigue.

 

Guys, this is HARD.  and it takes a damned long time.  I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a long time, and now I want it to be over.

 

Hope you all have a better day.

[[mr...]]

A difficult night and past couple of days and nights with irrational fears and lots of anxiety associated with it.  Hard to put a finger on what is causing it...except for the usual culprit, lack of sleep and those early morning wakeups and lying in bed ruminating.  Amazing the garbage that can go through your mind at those ungodly hours of the morning.  Really can bring on depression and anxiety.  Last night I took some Nyquil due to a head cold right before bed. Usually, that helps me sleep.  Oh well...onward and hopefully I can manage through the day.  I WILL FIND A WAY as always.

 

Glad to hear things are a bit better for you Nova....this stuff comes and goes and you are do for a break!  Damn doctors!!!

 

For all the others having a difficult time we will trudge through it as always and the will be better times.  Thinking of you today.

 

(((((Garton)))))

 

You are a true hero of mine 

 

Next year this time, I have a feeling that we'll all be laughing at how we were "back then".

 

You/me/we are not alone in this, nor will anyone be left behind. We ARE healing, and SHALL heal 100%!

 

Love to you gang,

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Green ... nothing I have seen or heard indicates that folks are making this stuff up ... and there is a very broad spectrum of folks and their physical response to the drugs ... all the way from nothing to extended protracted ... and everything in between ... and no matter how hard everyone has tried ... there just does seem to be any predictability ...

 

For me, the best I can do, when I can, is figure how I am doing right now, what I am doing right now ... look back some, and look forward some ... and listen to the experiences of other folks who are getting through this ...

 

What I noticed yesterday, and posted about ... was something that pertains to me ... something in my pattern ... and probably not pertinent to anyone else reading that post ... and the stuff I talked about is real to me ... and I feel I got some helpful clarity ...

 

And this is taking what I experience as a very long time ... and that sucks most days ...

[[dr...]]

A difficult night and past couple of days and nights with irrational fears and lots of anxiety associated with it. Hard to put a finger on what is causing it...except for the usual culprit, lack of sleep and those early morning wakeups and lying in bed ruminating.  Amazing the garbage that can go through your mind at those ungodly hours of the morning.  Really can bring on depression and anxiety.  Last night I took some Nyquil due to a head cold right before bed. Usually, that helps me sleep.  Oh well...onward and hopefully I can manage through the day.  I WILL FIND A WAY as always.

 

Glad to hear things are a bit better for you Nova....this stuff comes and goes and you are do for a break!  Damn doctors!!!

 

For all the others having a difficult time we will trudge through it as always and the will be better times.  Thinking of you today.

 

 

That says it all...we are always looking for a culprit when it is just the benzo repair.  Did I exercise too hard?  Stay up too late? Eat that chocolate cake?  It is just dams benzo recovery that gets us all the time.  If we weren't recovering from thsi shit we would be able to do all the things and have no problems. 

 

Today I am okay with acceptance.  I was walking and very boaty with DP and I said to myself "this is what it is...why should I expect to feel normal when my body is repairing itself".  NO headache, book on head, and negative effects from teh preventa migraine yet

 

[[ga...]]

Mrssalw...Glad you think of me as a hero.  I feel like I am muddling through this stuff just like most everyone here.  Yes, I have been able to work, golf and exercise.  I guess I am really fortunate in that regard.  I just can't stand it when I feel so hopeless, alone, fearful etc.  especially in those early morning hours.  It can be horrific at times.  This morning, I find myself tired but functioning...actually going to exercise today.  I have put the depression behind me for the moment.  Hope to leave it right there.

 

Thanks for sending those ZZZ's Nova...saving them for tonight.  Hope you save some for yourself.

[[dr...]]

Good morning -- afternoon, everyone.

 

I took some asha - something, I can't look for that spelling right now.  I took it early, like 1 a.m., it's supposed to wind the brain down, reset it to go to sleep earlier.  and I did sleep, from 3:30 until 11 a.m., only one wake up. 

 

Guys, I was doubting myself -- maybe Nova's post triggered these thoughts. I've been thinking, could I possibly be making this up?  Is it psychosomatic?  Isn't it crazy that most people seem to be moving on with their lives, and I've still got this crazy shit going on? After 16 months?  It wasn't wave thinking, it was just me, sort of stunned myself that this could still be happening, and questioning, that maybe there is something wrong with me mentally?  I've been having a lot of doubts. 

 

Then I thought of Baylissa, she is very normal,  a counselor herself, and this happened to her, and she came out on the other side, wrote a book, helped a lot of people.

 

And then I started thinking about this guy from here, I guess I can say his name, I'm not saying anything that he didn't post publicly on here, Tex67, he had an "early" success story, less than a year, went back to work, and when I looked him up today, unfortunately, he had reinstated and was doing a very quick taper, starting all over again.  which made me think of More Chocolate, another 7 month success story, and she came back at 16 months with an awful wave, and then finally another success story at somewhere less than two years.  So that kind of validates what I believe.

 

But I'm having trouble with my level of function.  I don't seem to be doing as much as I think I should be.  Other people seem to do more.  People are back to work.  they get on planes, go on vacations.  I still have a major problem sleeping anywhere but my own bed.

 

I guess it's all individual.  I guess I do some things that other people are looking at me and thinking, wow, I'm not doing that.  Or we have some people still mostly on the couch, real all-the-time fatigue.

 

Guys, this is HARD.  and it takes a damned long time.  I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a long time, and now I want it to be over.

 

Hope you all have a better day.

 

Green...I didn't know tex reinstated...and he is tapering again?  Guess we have no choice even if we ever wanted to(which I won't).  I know of no reinstatement that worked on this board yet.  I also read of morechocolate.  I didn't want to mention it.

 

I too was having thoughts of me having no way to avoid protracted last night.  Nothing on this journey has been easy for me.  From years of tolerance, to a horrendous taper that was very slow by all accounts(26 months), and now very symptomatic.  I assume I am a really bad case and I'll be one of the 3-5 year peeps.  I just hope I continue to see improvement as time goes by.  right now that doesn't seem to be the case.  I really don't want to be posting here for that long and I will be pleasantly surprised if I heal earlier.  I thought I'd be better at six months which I was but nothing really has gotten too much better.  No big corner has been turned.  Hopefully, you ahead of me can really see some acceleration soon and I'll be more optimistic.  No pressure   Sort of in this resignation zone today.

[[No...]]

Drew ... yep ... we can find ourselves in that zone from time to time ... and we don't know what the future holds ... and we are doing the best we can ...

 

Hope you don't stay in the zone too long ...

[[je...]]

Good morning -- afternoon, everyone.

 

I took some asha - something, I can't look for that spelling right now.  I took it early, like 1 a.m., it's supposed to wind the brain down, reset it to go to sleep earlier.  and I did sleep, from 3:30 until 11 a.m., only one wake up. 

 

Guys, I was doubting myself -- maybe Nova's post triggered these thoughts. I've been thinking, could I possibly be making this up?  Is it psychosomatic?  Isn't it crazy that most people seem to be moving on with their lives, and I've still got this crazy shit going on? After 16 months?  It wasn't wave thinking, it was just me, sort of stunned myself that this could still be happening, and questioning, that maybe there is something wrong with me mentally?  I've been having a lot of doubts. 

 

Then I thought of Baylissa, she is very normal,  a counselor herself, and this happened to her, and she came out on the other side, wrote a book, helped a lot of people.

 

And then I started thinking about this guy from here, I guess I can say his name, I'm not saying anything that he didn't post publicly on here, Tex67, he had an "early" success story, less than a year, went back to work, and when I looked him up today, unfortunately, he had reinstated and was doing a very quick taper, starting all over again.  which made me think of More Chocolate, another 7 month success story, and she came back at 16 months with an awful wave, and then finally another success story at somewhere less than two years.  So that kind of validates what I believe.

 

But I'm having trouble with my level of function.  I don't seem to be doing as much as I think I should be.  Other people seem to do more.  People are back to work.  they get on planes, go on vacations.  I still have a major problem sleeping anywhere but my own bed.

 

I guess it's all individual.  I guess I do some things that other people are looking at me and thinking, wow, I'm not doing that.  Or we have some people still mostly on the couch, real all-the-time fatigue.

 

Guys, this is HARD.  and it takes a damned long time.  I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a long time, and now I want it to be over.

 

Hope you all have a better day.

 

Green...I didn't know tex reinstated...and he is tapering again?  Guess we have no choice even if we ever wanted to(which I won't).  I know of no reinstatement that worked on this board yet.  I also read of morechocolate.  I didn't want to mention it.

 

I too was having thoughts of me having no way to avoid protracted last night.  Nothing on this journey has been easy for me.  From years of tolerance, to a horrendous taper that was very slow by all accounts(26 months), and now very symptomatic.  I assume I am a really bad case and I'll be one of the 3-5 year peeps.  I just hope I continue to see improvement as time goes by.  right now that doesn't seem to be the case.  I really don't want to be posting here for that long and I will be pleasantly surprised if I heal earlier.  I thought I'd be better at six months which I was but nothing really has gotten too much better.  No big corner has been turned.  Hopefully, you ahead of me can really see some acceleration soon and I'll be more optimistic.  No pressure   Sort of in this resignation zone today.

 

Drew,

From what I understand he started getting Valium  from Mexico because he had a little anxiety one led to two and two led to three and so on. I think he decided to c/t. stories like this just make me irritated that people do not know better. "Playing" with benzos is playing with fire.

[[je...]]

Good morning -- afternoon, everyone.

 

I took some asha - something, I can't look for that spelling right now.  I took it early, like 1 a.m., it's supposed to wind the brain down, reset it to go to sleep earlier.  and I did sleep, from 3:30 until 11 a.m., only one wakeup. 

 

Guys, I was doubting myself -- maybe Nova's post triggered these thoughts. I've been thinking, could I possibly be making this up?  Is it psychosomatic?  Isn't it crazy that most people seem to be moving on with their lives, and I've still got this crazy shit going on? After 16 months?  It wasn't wave thinking, it was just me, sort of stunned myself that this could still be happening, and questioning, that maybe there is something wrong with me mentally?  I've been having a lot of doubts. 

 

Then I thought of Baylissa, she is very normal,  a counselor herself, and this happened to her, and she came out on the other side, wrote a book, helped a lot of people.

 

And then I started thinking about this guy from here, I guess I can say his name, I'm not saying anything that he didn't post publicly on here, Tex67, he had an "early" success story, less than a year, went back to work, and when I looked him up today, unfortunately, he had reinstated and was doing a very quick taper, starting all over again.  which made me think of More Chocolate, another 7 month success story, and she came back at 16 months with an awful wave, and then finally another success story at somewhere less than two years.  So that kind of validates what I believe.

 

But I'm having trouble with my level of function.  I don't seem to be doing as much as I think I should be.  Other people seem to do more.  People are back to work.  they get on planes, go on vacations.  I still have a major problem sleeping anywhere but my own bed.

 

I guess it's all individual.  I guess I do some things that other people are looking at me and thinking, wow, I'm not doing that.  Or we have some people still mostly on the couch, real all-the-time fatigue.

 

Guys, this is HARD.  and it takes a damned long time.  I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a long time, and now I want it to be over.

 

Hope you all have a better day.

 

 

Green,

I have all these same thoughts too. Like when I was in that long wave of anxiety--I thought this MUST be the real me, this is who I am now. I got very depressed about and thought I cannot live my life this way. Guess what... that wave has lifted and now I have no anxiety.. at all. So, who is the real me? I think this is the real me, because when Im not in a wave I feel better than ever. This w/d is just a complete mind f#$! It takes our normal rational mind and turns it into a bunch of crazy, negative thoughts that are NOT the true us. Jenny

[[Co...]]

Green,.  Doubting is such an ongoing mind trap in this procesz. I have big bouts of it too. I constantly ask myself if I am just wrapped up in some kind of self imposed denial.  maybe I do have some functional anxiety and/or brain disorder. Then I remind myself that everyone on here sounds just like me. And in a window it all goes away. Your post from Dr. M in Canada was hugely reassuring to me...and someone posted a video from Ian Somebody who had worked for 20 years with people w/ding and he clearly says 2 years is the norm. Then I think of HH who turned a corner right at 22 months and though she is having some anxiety on the 6th day of 12 hour day tours around NYC...with teenagers , she is having a good time....after surviVing the loss of her house and moving. ...I remember Tex  too...sorry to hear he is tapering again. ..Sometimes I think I should just go in to the doctor and beg for every possible test just for reassurance.  But in a window I don't feel that. I am trying to look at my goid days and windows as " who I am " and " just me" instead of thinking the opposite.  that this mixed pathetic bag of anxiety and craziness in a wave is " just me " and "who I am"...The crappy problem is that in a wave I can't think rationally. Jenny said similar, that when she is not in a wave she feels normal. Somebody on another thread ( can't remember which) said that she feels " perfect" when not in a wave. For me, this has been such a damn long wave. I feel like I am back in tolerance and early acute. HH said her last wave was 6 weeks long....This has to be w/d because I just couldn't have 25 fatal illnesses all at the same time.  And what are the chances that a bunch of people on a forum would have the same 25 fatal illnesses. 

......Green, I think you are doing a lot of things . You are still having sx and plowing through a wave. Yet you go into the city and go to shows, making big dinners for your kids. holding up a bunch of us here on BBs...keeping your house together.. shopping...I don't think we are doing much less than others here. I know the working peeps make me feel completely wimpy, but we can not compare ourselves to others.Those of us who are working are having waves and sx as well...many say if they could they would take a leave of absence...but I am with you there, I simply would not be able to work through this.

......What choice do we really have except to do the best we can on a given day. If there was anything that would make this better I would be the first one in line to take it...the only thing we can do is live through this crap

......It will get better Green...and we are really close to that 24 month mark. 3/4 of the way...done. ..How did the rest of your day go?...I hate it that any of us has to suffer like this...I am right there with you...love to you...coop

 

[[Co...]]

Jenny, God Bless you for that post...I am swimming in anxiety today .. your post is a lifeline today.

  I am just so happy for you that your wave rolled out and you are feeling like your real self again.. I love you for posting that.  coop

[[Sk...]]

Good morning -- afternoon, everyone.

 

I took some asha - something, I can't look for that spelling right now.  I took it early, like 1 a.m., it's supposed to wind the brain down, reset it to go to sleep earlier.  and I did sleep, from 3:30 until 11 a.m., only one wakeup. 

 

Guys, I was doubting myself -- maybe Nova's post triggered these thoughts. I've been thinking, could I possibly be making this up?  Is it psychosomatic?  Isn't it crazy that most people seem to be moving on with their lives, and I've still got this crazy shit going on? After 16 months?  It wasn't wave thinking, it was just me, sort of stunned myself that this could still be happening, and questioning, that maybe there is something wrong with me mentally?  I've been having a lot of doubts. 

 

Then I thought of Baylissa, she is very normal,  a counselor herself, and this happened to her, and she came out on the other side, wrote a book, helped a lot of people.

 

And then I started thinking about this guy from here, I guess I can say his name, I'm not saying anything that he didn't post publicly on here, Tex67, he had an "early" success story, less than a year, went back to work, and when I looked him up today, unfortunately, he had reinstated and was doing a very quick taper, starting all over again.  which made me think of More Chocolate, another 7 month success story, and she came back at 16 months with an awful wave, and then finally another success story at somewhere less than two years.  So that kind of validates what I believe.

 

But I'm having trouble with my level of function.  I don't seem to be doing as much as I think I should be.  Other people seem to do more.  People are back to work.  they get on planes, go on vacations.  I still have a major problem sleeping anywhere but my own bed.

 

I guess it's all individual.  I guess I do some things that other people are looking at me and thinking, wow, I'm not doing that.  Or we have some people still mostly on the couch, real all-the-time fatigue.

 

Guys, this is HARD.  and it takes a damned long time.  I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a long time, and now I want it to be over.

 

Hope you all have a better day.

 

Sue,  your doubting yourself is a symptom, I hate saying this, but it is. We have this sense of guilt for feeling sick and we carry it like a cloud over our heads.

 

Coop, has pretty much said it all.

 

Sue, if you have scientific approach, what you are saying, is this you, is impossible. It's just too many of us, from too many places, having the same things. Even if you want to go with what your therapist thinks, and many buddies who decide to quit coming here, that we are conditioning each other by focusing too much, even allowing that, it still does not make sense. Think of all the time I could not come to the thread, simply because I was too sick to post and read. In that period, I kept having the same things you were having.

And if we were triggering each other, don't you think that Baylissa, Dr Jennifer, Colin, would give warnings on spending too much time here ?

 

YOu did not say any of these things I am mentioning, I am just being the devil's advocate.

 

COnsider that HH, she felt so sick until right before her trip, practically. SHe is so much ahead of you too. What comparisons are you making ?  Some  people have taken 3  and something years to heal.

 

We are all different and it goes against everything we have been brought up to believe. We are brought up to look at others, to compare and compete with our peers even if we are not supposed to, it's what we end up doing.

 

Here we can't do that if we want to get out of this ever.

 

Coop, pretty much said it all but you got my hairbrained lecture all the same.

 

Sue, we are about to celebrate our 17 month or what ? You are in a terrible wave, I can't imagine what you are going through, I am so sorry. But when you have your windows you feel really well.

 

Sending healing thoughts your way.

 

Hope something of what I wrote made sense.

 

P.S. I have already told you this, but sometimes I read what you are do every day and wish I could do as many interesting and pro-healing things as you.

[[Co...]]

I am so very grateful for everyone who posted today. I had a level 8 panic this morning..  I have been putting off calling the eye doctor for an appointment and decided I had to work up so courage and do it. I have developed a wierd bubble floater that follows my eye movement in one eye. It has one dark edge on it and is on the peripheral. .it never moves across the center of my vision. I thought...ok this is easy ..not scary. a simple eye exam...As soon as the receptionist answered the phone the anxiety engulfed me...then she started talking occular pressure, glaucoma, cataracts etc etc....and there I was in a full blown panic.  over nothing.  I have to say that I couldn't back it down ..I ended up taking 6 mg of atenolol. But it has been reading your posts that is helping me find the center again. Like Jenny, this wave just seems like one cascade of anxiety after another. Now I am just freaked about a harmless eye thing. They didn't even think I needed an appointment until 2 weeks out.  Of course that was qualified with ," if you lose the vision in that eye come right in"  I wanted to throw up..  really. I was never like this before benzos. Now I am tired, spacey and depressed.  Distracting and trying to find and keep my center is my job today and for right now is the best I can do.

....  To all of you on the thread this afternoon.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart..  coop

 

[[je...]]

coop,

I was the same way over the dentist visit, I had a complete freak out over a dental cleaning. My advice would be to put the apt on hold until the anxiety backs down. I had been putting off my dentist visit for weeks because the anxiety was not going away, but looking back I should have just waited until I felt better mentally. Your gonna be fine Coop, this is just a wave of anxiety.. it WILL pass, promise. I just went through the same thing, and it was hell, but now its over--the same thing will happen for you. Jenny 

[[Co...]]

Mrs. ...that is so right. If we were off the tread we would still be having all this crap sx ....but no real support, sharing of information and nobody to say, "I had that ....insert one of a hundred sx.  and it went away"...We would be going to the doctor every other day and trying one medication after another. I don't care what any doctor, therapist, family member or counselor says..  BBs has been an absolute life line to me. .  coop

[[Co...]]

Thanks Jenny. I am hoping that by the 14th I will have a scrap of rationality to hang on to....and better yet , that the eye disturbance will go away. The receptionist said it could be as simple as a scratch on the white part of my eye.  But my benzo mind goes right to brain tumor.  Of course.  Of course it is not.  ...Thank you so much for your reply...it has been such a help.  I know this will pass .. but it just consumed my entire day ..from panic to calm down has gobbled up most of a day. Such crap.  coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... 

[[dr...]]

Great to hear you are doing well Jenny...I am in a mother of all waves(5-6 weeks)  and i just got hit with a surge of fear and everything else about two hours ago.  I am not reacting to it more than being very very uncomfortable.  I remember the last window I had and I was nothing like this. I keep going there today to say this is not who I am and it has been effective.  My brain is trying to make me push up the panic but I am so far keeping it at bay.  I just keep telling myself that this is the symptom of healing and if my body is sweating, jumpy, dizzy, trying to tell me I am dying, need to l flee, and anxiety ridden this is what is meant to be right now.  it will subside in intensity as it aways does.  This is so hard but I am trying to be the passenger.  I see my therapist tomorrow to check in on CBT.  In these cases nothig really helps exept the storm petering itself out as it always does.  He is convinced I can control it with enough work but I think it is just time although the skills he teaches will help me in life.  I am actually proud of myself as it got up to major panic several times and I just let it subside.  it is a mega storm of chemicals doing what they are doing.

 

I did meditate for about 40 min and while doing that I felt a bit better but I had to return to work.  I also think working this whole time had its benfits and minuses.  None of us will ever know if it hurts or hinders in the long run.  It is what it is....my new mantra for the week.

[[dr...]]

I am so very grateful for everyone who posted today. I had a level 8 panic this morning..  I have been putting off calling the eye doctor for an appointment and decided I had to work up so courage and do it. I have developed a wierd bubble floater that follows my eye movement in one eye. It has one dark edge on it and is on the peripheral. .it never moves across the center of my vision. I thought...ok this is easy ..not scary. a simple eye exam...As soon as the receptionist answered the phone the anxiety engulfed me...then she started talking occular pressure, glaucoma, cataracts etc etc....and there I was in a full blown panic.  over nothing.  I have to say that I couldn't back it down ..I ended up taking 6 mg of atenolol. But it has been reading your posts that is helping me find the center again. Like Jenny, this wave just seems like one cascade of anxiety after another. Now I am just freaked about a harmless eye thing. They didn't even think I needed an appointment until 2 weeks out.  Of course that was qualified with ," if you lose the vision in that eye come right in"  I wanted to throw up..  really. I was never like this before benzos. Now I am tired, spacey and depressed.  Distracting and trying to find and keep my center is my job today and for right now is the best I can do.

....  To all of you on the thread this afternoon.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart..  coop

 

Let's hold each other up coop

[[Co...]]

Nova,.  Thanks...lol...that's so cute.

  .How are you doing today dear friend? ...  From your post regarding 'having lunch at er....and finding clarity'...it sounds like you found your center and are conducting business from that locale.  I will say that in early acute a level 8 panic would have had me scared and exhausted for at least 48 hours. We seem to be able to come back from them much sooner now. Still beat up and scared.  But on our feet.  coop

[[dr...]]

reading what I wrote in my post I think Baylissa is rubbing off on me. 

[[Co...]]

I am with ya Drew.. thanks...this health fear thing is so entirely crazy...It is not me...except in a wave. ..The raw fear is subsiding and the atenolol is working...and I don't feel at all terrible about taking a baby dose of atenolol. I feel damn goid that it was'nt an ativan.  I don't have a safety stash any more but my physician would reinstate my script because he is supportive but only half convinced that A) I don't need it and B) that I can complete w/d....This was the kind of panic in which CBT, breathing, mecitation, or going outside is like throwing thimbles of water on a forest fire. I am able to distract now so that's the beginning of pulling out of this

...Drew, you are such a great BB.  everyone is...so grateful.  coop