12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

I knew there was a "reason" I got jolted awake ... I need to spend some time with my Buddies ... 

 

Well, Nova, the anniversary man tonight!  Yes, glad you were jolted awake so we could celebrate.

 

And it's good news to hear HH and Jenny with positive reports.

[[Gr...]]

I'm getting punch drunk, buddies.  'night.

[[No...]]

Hope you get some sleep Green ... good night ... thank you for being here ... you are loved and appreciated ... 

 

Psst ... and validated ... 

[[Co...]]

Jenny....so happy for you!.  Chuck E Cheese.  Have mercy. I am just happy happy for you...you were having tough times last week. Thank you so much Jenny, for coming on and telling us that you are out of your 6 week wave. A much needed encouragement for us tonight...

    .Hoping your window just stays open ....for always....coop

[[No...]]

Well Coop ... how are you doing? ... looks like you and I get to turn out the lights tonight ...

 

Sitting here with my music in the background, the fireplace on the tv ... a warm drink ... and hearing the wind bounce off the windows ... cold out there again tonight ...

 

I am not tired yet ... actually feel invigorated after all the posts tonight ... glad I woke up ...

 

Stuff still fussing about ... got a good case of turmoil guts ... and achy in many places ... all in all not so bad ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova , ....yep it was a busy great thread tonight. Such wonderful people here. ..You sound like things are winding down for you....me too. A lot of the anxiety has burned off...that's always bigger than whatever sx problem I am having at the time. ...

.....I am turning out my light too...I hope all of us get sleep tonight. Here's to tomorrow and a better day....coop

[[No...]]

Have a good night Coop ... see you tomorrow ... 

[[Co...]]

You too Nova...this thread sounds like The Waltons tonight.

[[dr...]]

Ni

You too Nova...this thread sounds like The Waltons tonight.

 

Nite pa!

[[Gr...]]

Hope you get some sleep Green ... good night ... thank you for being here ... you are loved and appreciated ... 

 

Psst ... and validated ... 

 

2:30 a.m., awake and kicking.  Loved and validated.  Thank you.  That means a lot. 

[[mr...]]

Hi Nova

 

Awaken tonight also. Now just catching up on the thread and listening to the sounds of some sleety rain outside - what?!? PS, Mother Nature: its spring

 

Anyways, rolling back over & catching more Zzzzzz's Thanks for making a call-out to me earlier, Nova (and Jenny also). It meant a lot

 

Mrs.

[[Ko...]]

Thanks for all the great posts tonight. I'm printing the info from the Canadian doctor and sending to some of my friends. It will help me to be more patient too.

 

My SX are mostly in my legs. They just don't work right. On top of that I'm very boaty. Also have stinging legs & feet that come & go. Neck also get stingy & tight.  Then there's the Benzo belly that causes pain and tightness and loss of appetite lately.  That's a good thing, may be a good start on losing the 30 pounds I gained. Of course, insomnia.  I can't do much physical stuff this year. Could walk longer and better last year. I don't have a racing heart or migraines and my cog fog is mostly gone. So there are some good things happening things happening for me.

 

Well it is what it is.  Thank you to all of you for your support. You must be fantastic people.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... started to fall asleep around 230 AM ... floating in and out ... and then got hit with a toxic sleep bomb ... a rush of pure terror ...

 

Took a while to get centered again ... literally was uncertain of where I was for a while ... haven't been in this place for some time ...

 

After three hours the terror is gone ... now all the fallout is buzzing around ... gonna take a while for all the pieces to get back in place ...

 

I am doing okay ... sort of ... going to be a long day me thinks ...

[[Sk...]]

Michael, me thinks the same.

 

I want to congratulate you on your 17 months out.  :happybday: :happybday: :happybday:

 

I will be reaching you in 6 days. I feel like I died the day I ct'd and was born again. Like this is a sort of second life, and I am starting over. Everything is sort of before and after. How was it for you ? You tapered, so it's different, it's not so clear cut, maybe ?

 

I don't have expectations for month 17. Really.

 

Here is an interesting reflection ... think I have had it before ... but who knows ...

 

Am I contributing a bit to my own suffering experience by projecting some of the outside world's responses on myself ... making some demands on myself that, right now, are not helpful ...

 

And I have to answer yes ... sometimes ...

 

1. It is all in your head ... change your thinking, and everything will be fine ...

 

2. You are just lazy ... get out there and "do" something ...

 

3. This is not the drug ... cannot be ... this is just who you are ...

 

4. The internet ... you need to stop hanging out online with losers, complainers, and whiners ... go meet some real people ... we have groups for gamblers, alcoholics. drug abusers ... join one ... see what is really going on ...

 

5. You have no one to blame but yourself ... you brought all this on yourself ... you need to be on the drug the rest of your life ...

 

It's funny you talked about laziness. I think we all feel guilty for not being out there, earning money and being " productive ". But lately, I look at people who are not in benzo wd, and I think they are lazy ! They are postponing taking care of themselves, postponing so many things, that is really lazy, it does not take that much time to shoot an email or make a phone call, or do exercise, or enjoy life more. Not what you were saying at all, I know what you were saying, I just wanted to turn the tables a little.

 

About the internet, it was something a friend said right from the beginning. She probably did not have me in mind. But, if I had not had the internet in wd, I would have gone  crazy and I would have driven Mr Sky crazier. And all this because fate does not see it fit to put me geographically close to people in my situation ?

And even if there were a few unhinged people here on BB, aren't there anywhere on the Internet and offline ? Heaven knows how many insane people were in my life right before my ct. And, assuming there are many people with other issues here at BB, wouldn't they need support with their wd, just as much as " normal " people ?

 

Are we the losers ? really ? Seriously ? What about the guys who created this junk ? What are they ? I see many accomplished people here, who have the guts to put themselves out there and face the music rather than live in denial.

 

Sorry Michael for my rant. I am feeling really bad. My heart is beating like a loud drum, I wanted to rest, my legs were so tired but that noise of banging drums bothered and scared me no end. So, here I am, pacing again, which is what has been consistent with year one.

 

This could never, ever, in a million years be me, this is wd.

 

Have a nicer day everyone. 

[[He...]]

I'm struggling today with a wave. My anxiety is up, my head and ears are completely clogged, I feel weak and shaky. We are between hotel rooms and I can't hole up for the day. This is what I was worried about. 

 

Not bad that it didn't hit until Day 6. Though I'm not quite sure how I'll make it through the day.

[[Sk...]]

HH, do you have anything from your wave/ wd toolbox you use to provide a small break ? WHen I am really bad, sometimes a bath helps calm down the anxiety and distract me momentarily from the symptoms.

 

You are ok, you have seen/ done  many things in these days, could be you are just in some overload. Where are you now, what are you doing ?

 

I would try to break down the anxiety. Can you take a small break, somehow ? Take a few hours off ? How many hours has it been ? 

[[dr...]]

Thanks for all the great posts tonight. I'm printing the info from the Canadian doctor and sending to some of my friends. It will help me to be more patient too.

 

My SX are mostly in my legs. They just don't work right. On top of that I'm very boaty. Also have stinging legs & feet that come & go. Neck also get stingy & tight.  Then there's the Benzo belly that causes pain and tightness and loss of appetite lately.  That's a good thing, may be a good start on losing the 30 pounds I gained. Of course, insomnia.  I can't do much physical stuff this year. Could walk longer and better last year. I don't have a racing heart or migraines and my cog fog is mostly gone. So there are some good things happening things happening for me.

 

Well it is what it is.  Thank you to all of you for your support. You must be fantastic people.

 

Korbe_migraines are one of my worst symptoms right now.  Did they just show up in benzoland? 

[[dr...]]

I started to feel a migraine trying to push through last night.  I took an epsom salt bath, meditated, and went to bed early.  I woke up around 4:30 with racing heart and doom thoughts of never getting better but they passed as always.  Came back right around wake up time at 6am.  It is amazing that when I first wake up I have a moment of feeling okay and then the rushes come.  It is like your body gives me ten seconds to prepare Anyone else get this?

I did have the headache trying to break through again this am.  I didn't freak.  I just drank a cup of coffee and ate my mag pill.  It can take up to three months to work so I am happy if this might be keeping them at bay even a bit after a week.  I think I may reintroduce 1/2 of Preventa Migraine tonight to see how it effects me.  I am pretty sure it may have been other things such as beta and intense exercise but I will find out the right way    

 

On a positive note the mag is really helping me much better than I thought on soreness.  i have NO chest pain and everything feels less wound up in my body.  Even after a whole nights sleep I now get out of bed and my bones are not cracking like a skeleton falling to the floor.

 

 

 

HH-remember how strong you are.  You can do this for one day until you get to the hotel tonight.  You have done things way harder and felt much worse.  Just pass the day in small blocks of thirty minutes.  Also, remember that how you feel right now does not have an iota of bearing on how you may feel later in the day.  The beauty of benzoland is that it can also change from bad to good on a dime instead of always from good to bad on a dime.

 

sky-if there was no internet I would have continued to be drugged with no end in sight.  Seriously, if this was fifteen years earlier most of us would have been screwed. 

 

Nova-hope you get a break.

 

coop. green, mrs, korbe, and anyone I forgot I hope you all get to a manageable place today.

[[Gr...]]

Thanks for all the great posts tonight. I'm printing the info from the Canadian doctor and sending to some of my friends. It will help me to be more patient too.

 

My SX are mostly in my legs. They just don't work right. On top of that I'm very boaty. Also have stinging legs & feet that come & go. Neck also get stingy & tight.  Then there's the Benzo belly that causes pain and tightness and loss of appetite lately.  That's a good thing, may be a good start on losing the 30 pounds I gained. Of course, insomnia.  I can't do much physical stuff this year. Could walk longer and better last year. I don't have a racing heart or migraines and my cog fog is mostly gone. So there are some good things happening things happening for me.

 

Well it is what it is.  Thank you to all of you for your support. You must be fantastic people.

 

Korbe, I have everything you said up there, so sounds like withdrawal to me.  except the legs not working. but I hear people talk about it.  also, even though I've had the nerve pain and stinging, it was short and went away, not my worst symptom at all.

 

So feel better.  Sounds like a good idea, sending the Can. doc's page to friends.  but remember, they still may not respond the way you're looking for.  Hopefully at least one will. 

 

have a better day today.

[[Gr...]]

Michael, me thinks the same.

 

I want to congratulate you on your 17 months out.  :happybday: :happybday: :happybday:

 

I will be reaching you in 6 days. I feel like I died the day I ct'd and was born again. Like this is a sort of second life, and I am starting over. Everything is sort of before and after. How was it for you ? You tapered, so it's different, it's not so clear cut, maybe ?

 

I don't have expectations for month 17. Really.

 

Here is an interesting reflection ... think I have had it before ... but who knows ...

 

Am I contributing a bit to my own suffering experience by projecting some of the outside world's responses on myself ... making some demands on myself that, right now, are not helpful ...

 

And I have to answer yes ... sometimes ...

 

1. It is all in your head ... change your thinking, and everything will be fine ...

 

2. You are just lazy ... get out there and "do" something ...

 

3. This is not the drug ... cannot be ... this is just who you are ...

 

4. The internet ... you need to stop hanging out online with losers, complainers, and whiners ... go meet some real people ... we have groups for gamblers, alcoholics. drug abusers ... join one ... see what is really going on ...

 

5. You have no one to blame but yourself ... you brought all this on yourself ... you need to be on the drug the rest of your life ...

 

It's funny you talked about laziness. I think we all feel guilty for not being out there, earning money and being " productive ". But lately, I look at people who are not in benzo wd, and I think they are lazy ! They are postponing taking care of themselves, postponing so many things, that is really lazy, it does not take that much time to shoot an email or make a phone call, or do exercise, or enjoy life more. Not what you were saying at all, I know what you were saying, I just wanted to turn the tables a little.

 

About the internet, it was something a friend said right from the beginning. She probably did not have me in mind. But, if I had not had the internet in wd, I would have gone  crazy and I would have driven Mr Sky crazier. And all this because fate does not see it fit to put me geographically close to people in my situation ?

And even if there were a few unhinged people here on BB, aren't there anywhere on the Internet and offline ? Heaven knows how many insane people were in my life right before my ct. And, assuming there are many people with other issues here at BB, wouldn't they need support with their wd, just as much as " normal " people ?

 

Are we the losers ? really ? Seriously ? What about the guys who created this junk ? What are they ? I see many accomplished people here, who have the guts to put themselves out there and face the music rather than live in denial.

 

Sorry Michael for my rant. I am feeling really bad. My heart is beating like a loud drum, I wanted to rest, my legs were so tired but that noise of banging drums bothered and scared me no end. So, here I am, pacing again, which is what has been consistent with year one.

 

This could never, ever, in a million years be me, this is wd.

 

Have a nicer day everyone. 

 

Sky, what a great post from you!  The feeling of being asleep, life seems only to have started since ct, I recognize that.  It's given me tremendous panic at times, on bad days, frightened that I've lost everything and everyone, myself mainly.  As I heal, I realize it's like the phoenix crawling out of the dust and ash, alive, miraculously, and reborn.  I think that's where those amazing, positive, hopeful success stories are coming from, the writers have hit rock bottom, with spiritual death (that's what my ct felt like!) and have been reborn.  So, yes, for those of us having a very hard time, healing and success will be that much more sweet, wonderful, and we will appreciate life in a new way.  That's the tone of the most inspiring success stories.

 

And what concerns me about my therapist's remark, about all the 'crazy, mentally unhinged' people on the internet, is that by definition she thinks I'm one of them!  I got so mad, and so damned protective of my buddies!  I thought of each one of us, struggling, crawling, trying to make the best of our lives through this terrifying and lonely process, and I was furious that in one sentence she trashed every one of us, that she invalidated the real human suffering, by imposing her own timeline of when we're supposed to "be over it, get over it."

 

Well, you sound good, feisty, so that means you're having a better day, I hope.

 

Opened my eyes to feeling awful, which is an old symptom, that was gone for a awhile.  but if I don't get stuck on it, keep an open mind, I feel better in an hour or so.

 

Everyone, have a better day.

[[Gr...]]

I'm struggling today with a wave. My anxiety is up, my head and ears are completely clogged, I feel weak and shaky. We are between hotel rooms and I can't hole up for the day. This is what I was worried about. 

 

Not bad that it didn't hit until Day 6. Though I'm not quite sure how I'll make it through the day.

 

Take a deep breath.  don't project, stay in the moment.  and pray for the courage to get through the day, cope with symptoms as best you can.  that's what I do.  hope that helps.

[[dr...]]

Hey all...this is my 3rd anniversary since starting my taper and path to freedom..  Ugh...what a long road....All I know is I am closer to the finish than the start Just a few of the emotions I have felt in the last three years

[[Gr...]]

Hello, buddies.  I have writer's cramp from the amount of posts from yesterday, if that's an indication of how awful I felt.  I'm glad when I felt 'so bad,' I could let myself just hit the couch for a day, and I'm grateful for the people here, who never judge, who just let us be, and gently support us -- on this thread, anyway.  The tone here is one of respect, tolerance, and kindness.  We are a good group, one that I'm proud to be part of.

 

Still not 85%, as my friend Coop likes to put it,  tired, something the cat dragged in, hit by a truck, lol, but I can get out the door.  We all know that very important distinction.  I was able to sleep from 4-11 a.m. which is good, except I'm losing a lot of the day.  So off I go.

 

everyone, have a better day.

[[Gr...]]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DREW!

[[No...]]

Congrats Drew ...  :thumbsup: