12-18 month support

[[Fi...]]

Coop--from all my research, I would swear you were unknowingly having withdrawal issues after having taken that level of codeine.  It only takes about ten days for opioids to hook you, and it turns out lots of people go home from the hospital after surgery thinking they've just had the bad luck to subsequently get hit with the flu when in reality it's withdrawal.  Everybody knows how surgery can knock you back.  What's not understood is how much of that is due to opioid withdrawal.  My wonderful counsellor says after listening to my stories, she's come to wonder about other of her patients who seem to be taking a turn for the worse and she'll say, "Wait, didn't you have surgery recently?" and they'll be like "Well, yeah, but that was three months ago."  This sort of problem is the very last thing on the prescribing surgeon's list of concerns.

 

When I went off Oxycodone, I already had my Xanax RX in place for occasional use for sleep etc.,  I thought this was fortunate, since I had heard that people were sometimes prescribe this to HELP with opioid withdrawal.  As I pushed through the summer, trying to complete the projects (all with deadlines) that were on my list, I found myself taking Xanax just to calm myself down and get through rather than for  sleep.  My husband actually encouraged this as it worked so well and we had work to get done.  It wasn't until the end of August when my baffled doctor commented that my use of Xanax concerned her because it could be addictive that I went off of it.  I was actually kind of excited when the insomnia hit and I realized I was addicted because I thought I'd solved the mystery and would soon be well.  Had no idea that between the two, it would all drag out so long.

 

On my chart I start the day with either a circle or a slash.  As the day goes on it either add a slash or a circle or nothing if it started out a circle and remained a bad day.

 

Susan, after writing about anxiety last night and saying how I hadn't had one of those attacks since Sept. 25th, I for the first time woke up with one at four in the morning.  Usually these come when things are going fine, just totally out of the blue.  This was different in that I was having a stressful dream and felt the pain in the dream which woke me up.  So today is starting out at a circle .

 

HH, so glad to hear you're better. 

[[Fi...]]

Buddies--this morning I wrote this bit for possible inclusion in my book.  Thought it might update you.  I think it's good for me to work on my book a bit, because it seems like a kind of a vote of confidence in the future for me.  As soon as I get well I know I want to publish this.  At the same time, I realize I can't push myself on it, because the acting of writing itself and mentally reliving stressful events tends to make my blood pressure spike, I've noticed.

 

When my heart rate is up around 100 as I mention in this piece, my blood pressure will invariably be weirdly low.  But after I wrote this piece, while the tachycardia was gone, my BP was briefly at 143/112.

 

*******************

 

Although I’d been having a good hard cry in the pit the night before, on Thanksgiving Day itself I was miraculously well.  My family didn’t have to worry about me.  The following day I began to slide, however, and that night, arranging myself on the sofa with my heating pad and CD player loaded with Gilmore Girls, my heart was doing 99 beats per minute. I felt awful.  When I started nodding off while watching I just thought, hey, sleep is good, I’ll go for it.

 

I dreamed I was planning another wedding for my mother.  Once more she would be the bride.  The arrangements were about to come together, it seemed, and  I told her I was going to pick up the dress she'd selected.

 

“Oh, no, I  don’t want that dress,” she said.

 

“But it’s the one you chose!”

 

“No, I didn’t.

 

My chest seized with pain.  I lowered myself to the stone cold floor of some unidentifiable church and lay prostrate, waiting for the pain to pass.

 

The cold floor morphed into the warm sofa.  I struggled to sit up. This was a first, to be shocked awake from sleep by this sort of attack.  It had been two months since I’d had this, and I’d hoped these episodes were in my rearview mirror. 

 

Herb  found me. It was four in the morning and he’d conked out before realizing I never made it to bed.  He put me back under the covers and wrapped his arms around me, stroking my back until the pain subsided.  I finally fell asleep again, preparing myself for......

 

Ridiculously Transparent Dreams Part II:

 

I had gone to the DMV to renew my driver’s license.  The many long lines dismayed me and everyone I asked for directions looked right past me.  When I finally reached some official looking person and was told to produce my current license, it was missing.  I was ordered aside, where I stood at a chest high counter, frantically going through my wallet, which, like a circus car spilling clowns, was producing more than it ever could have held.  So many clipped images from vintage greeting cards, the kind we’d been sorting through, a picture of me in slimmer, prettier days.  But not the license.  Not my official identification.  Oh my God, I could not  find myself!

 

I did find my fancy new cell phone, the one I’d been promising I’d learn to use in some feeble effort to stay current with the times.  I’d call Herb.  Maybe he’d have an idea where I might have left my photo ID.  No use.  I tapped in some numbers, but I could not find the send button.  I was hopeless.  Not finding my ID meant I’d have to drive home without my license. 

 

And then I’d be in big trouble!

 

Panicked, I started to cry.  Right there in the DMV I was melting down, literally sinking to the floor with my fingers clutching the edge of  the counter.  I just couldn’t do this. I couldn't do it anymore....

 

I woke up sobbing, Herb’s arms still wrapped around me.

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

wave. Poof it vanishes like that. I've been doing pretty well and I still am but I feel light headed and spacey and a bit confused. It caught me so off guard I went into health fear which is not a regular symptom for me. I sure hope it doesn't stick.

[[Co...]]

Hi Peace...yep...me too..got up this morning feeling benzo fluish ..some moderate head pressure/headache and d/r do pronounced I felt stoned..then some moderate health fear nipping around my knees. I will say that even though these s/x are really uncomfortable and totally screw with my concentration ( my daughter had to re- teach me how to pin some things on pintrest...although I have been pinning for months,  but I have a new hoopty- do smart phone ..Note4..I love it). ...So...even though I am nit exactly in the land of the connected and clear,  it is still better....my baseline this month oz holding steady. ....So...all day I was foggy and dull minded...then...within 2 seconds...I swear to god,  2 seconds..the HD in my head switched on ( late afternoon for me here so 630 am to 3pm ...s/x)....all of a sudden I just realized that I was putting thoughts together...in a row rather than spatter paint fashion. ....Yesterday was a good day with clarity and ' feeling ' all day. Then a pretty much sleepless night and semi- wavy day

......It oz what it is....until it isn't...

The thing that still ruins my day is that when I am wavy I still fall under the evil spell of the Benzo Beast and believe it all....I am dying,  I will never heal,  something awful is going to happen any moment,  ptsd recall of the sx that sent me to er in months 4 and 6 ...and the re- living of the er experience....even though I have been through it a

ll thousands of times and come out on the other side in a. decent baseline,  a sunbreak,  a brief relief or sometimes a.  window.  I can not convince myself that none of it is real. But now in month 13 I can endure it better...that's my best in a wave...I can endure it better....In a window I cant recall much of the scary sttuff at all . ...

....Peace...you are just improving so much ...so glad your wave lifted and your brain went from ' dial- up ' to high speed data.

....We are getting there...in labyrinth fashion rather than linear..I guess walking the labyrinth reveals truth and insight but mine feels more like a scary inescapable corn patch maze..

....have a good night Peacie...you are amazing....love coop

 

[[Ko...]]

Hi to my new 12-18 Buddies & all of you 6-12 Buddies that moved over.

 

I don't post often anymore mostly because I was just too sick and had nothing positive to say.  But, today is the first day of month 13 for me. Wish I wasn't reporting that I'm still suffering after a year off Benzos.  Hard to believe for me and everybody else.  I'm hoping that this mile stone will be the beginning of healing for me.  I thought I would be done at 6 months, then 9, but instead of healing it just got worse & worse. Months 10-12 were hell. I know many of you experienced the same. I've had a couple of 50% days lately & was able to walk a little and hang Christmas lights on my deck. But I'm only good for about 2 hrs and then the symptoms come rolling in.  My side effects or symptoms, (whatever they are called) are: extreme burning skin mostly on my lower legs and feet (this has eased some in the last week); the dreaded Benzo Belly, which can be extremely painful; boatiness or that off balance feeling, (I have it 24/7); finally, that horrid feeling that takes over your whole body, like someone is pouring poison into every cell.  Whoops, I forgot Insomnia. I think I'm so used to not sleeping that I don't count it as a side effect.  I usually get 4 hrs in a 24 hr period.

 

I know all of you are on this same roller coaster ride from hell and I hope for you and me that we are finally on the home strench and will begin to feel like we're healing.

 

Wishing you many windows,

 

Korbe

 

 

[[pe...]]

Hi Coop-

Thanks for the love. My waves roll in and my ability to put words together rolls out. I appreciate your ability to string thoughts together even with a wavy brain. It does sound like things are improving for you, even though you have a bit more healing ahead. I totally understand the twisted corn maze feeling - let me out of this damn thing! But we walk until we reach the opening, all the way through.

 

I'm going to take this wave and sleep. I am good at sleep these days and it's my main prescription from my doctor and then I'll check things out in the morning. I know my dad being sick is revving up my stress. He's off to my sister's house now and she will take it from here. I so wish I was standing on solid ground during this family crisis. But I'm still in the quicksand. How do you get out of quicksand? Stay as still as you can? I don't remember.

 

Love to all you warriors. It's no easy thing and time does heal.

Peace

[[Co...]]

Peace...I am so sorry that your dad is sick...I am thinking of you.. Wishing you restful healing sleep...coop

[[He...]]

Buddies--this morning I wrote this bit for possible inclusion in my book.  Thought it might update you.  I think it's good for me to work on my book a bit, because it seems like a kind of a vote of confidence in the future for me.  As soon as I get well I know I want to publish this.  At the same time, I realize I can't push myself on it, because the acting of writing itself and mentally reliving stressful events tends to make my blood pressure spike, I've noticed.

 

When my heart rate is up around 100 as I mention in this piece, my blood pressure will invariably be weirdly low.  But after I wrote this piece, while the tachycardia was gone, my BP was briefly at 143/112.

 

*******************

 

Although I’d been having a good hard cry in the pit the night before, on Thanksgiving Day itself I was miraculously well.  My family didn’t have to worry about me.  The following day I began to slide, however, and that night, arranging myself on the sofa with my heating pad and CD player loaded with Gilmore Girls, my heart was doing 99 beats per minute. I felt awful.  When I started nodding off while watching I just thought, hey, sleep is good, I’ll go for it.

 

I dreamed I was planning another wedding for my mother.  Once more she would be the bride.  The arrangements were about to come together, it seemed, and  I told her I was going to pick up the dress she'd selected.

 

“Oh, no, I  don’t want that dress,” she said.

 

“But it’s the one you chose!”

 

“No, I didn’t.

 

My chest seized with pain.  I lowered myself to the stone cold floor of some unidentifiable church and lay prostrate, waiting for the pain to pass.

 

The cold floor morphed into the warm sofa.  I struggled to sit up. This was a first, to be shocked awake from sleep by this sort of attack.  It had been two months since I’d had this, and I’d hoped these episodes were in my rearview mirror. 

 

Herb  found me. It was four in the morning and he’d conked out before realizing I never made it to bed.  He put me back under the covers and wrapped his arms around me, stroking my back until the pain subsided.  I finally fell asleep again, preparing myselfy for......

 

Ridiculously Transparent Dreams Part II:

 

I had gone to the DMV to renew my driver’s license.  The many long lines dismayed me and everyone I asked for directions looked right past me.  When I finally reached some official looking person and was told to produce my current license, it was missing.  I was ordered aside, where I stood at a chest high counter, frantically going through my wallet, which, like a circus car spilling clowns, was producing more than it ever could have held.  So many clipped images from vintage greeting cards, the kind we’d been sorting through, a picture of me in slimmer, prettier days.  But not the license.  Not my official identification.  Oh my God, I could not  find myself!

 

I did find my fancy new cell phone, the one I’d been promising I’d learn to use in some feeble effort to stay current with the times.  I’d call Herb.  Maybe he’d have an idea where I might have left my photo ID.  No use.  I tapped in some numbers, but I could not find the send button.  I was hopeless.  Not finding my ID meant I’d have to drive home without my license. 

 

And then I’d be in big trouble!

 

Panicked, I started to cry.  Right there in the DMV I was melting down, literally sinking to the floor with my fingers clutching the edge of  the counter.  I just couldn’t do this. I couldn't do it anymore....

 

I woke up sobbing, Herb’s arms still wrapped around me.

 

Hi FJ,

This is REALLY good! I can relate to your blood pressure going up while writing because it made me feel anxious just reading it. I could totally put myself in your place...especially the second dream. I hope you have more peaceful dreams tonight.

 

Do you dream often? It was so nice when my dreams finally started coming back! I didn't realize that the reason I hadn't been dreaming for so long was because benzos essentially turn them off.

 

Big game in the state going on right now! I sure wish the score was a bit closer, however!!  I love my Beavs, win or lose.

[[He...]]

Hi Korbe,

Welcome to our troop of warriors! This is a thread that none of us thought we'd be on, yet here we are. I'm sorry you've been hit so hard these later months. This healing process is unreal.

 

HH

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... went off on a full blown "anger toot" for about a day and a half ... and I think I needed that ... while the surgeon was talking to me on the phone, being all chipper and upbeat, all I wanted to say was "I told you so, and you never listened, you moron" ... and I didn't say anything other than "that is good news" ... gave my phone smile and hung up ...

 

I almost never get "angry" ... I am afraid of "exploding" ... literally ... too much "history" ... not mine, just those around me growing up ... literally petrified of violence ... that's another "book" that is out of place here ...

 

And I let it be there ... the anger ... wrote pages and pages for myself ... and the "outcome" is the realization this anger is mostly self-anger ... here and now ... doing "history" is not important right now ... need to stay with what is staring back at me when I look in the mirror right now ...

 

The "root" seems to be anger with my oftentimes state of "helplessness" ... and I am certainly not helpless as I know and as you have witnessed these many months ... "helpless" is my "black hole" ... a place where an overwhelming amount of "stuff" just keeps coming in and nothing seems to be going out ... and I just "collapse" ...

 

And ... here is the good part ... I can stay with this "manifestation" of energy and not get consumed ... doing "nothing" other than letting it be there ... sort of like riding a wave ... have not been able to be in the same place as all this energy for a very long time and not "disappear" or turn away ...

 

And "movement" helps me a lot ... some bits and pieces of tai chi / qigong ... some of my old "friends" ... so that is where I have been for these last few hours ... being and movement ... and in a wave as well ... seems I am getting better at walking and chewing gum at the same time ...

 

Long story short ... I am pretty tired ... need about two years sleep ... and I am doing well ... I am not in a "hyper" place ... going too slow for that ... things just feel "okay" ...

 

There sure are a lot of elephants in my room ... not too crowded ... everyone seems to have a chair ... and they seem to be talking in turns, rather than the "babble" of the last few months ... I seem to be getting some of my "self-listening" skill back ... adding to my "coherence index" ...

 

Time for another nap ...

 

[[He...]]

Hi Peace and Coop,

I swear I think the health anxiety is the worst symptom! It takes EVERY other symptom and adds a sinister layer to it. Ugh! It's hard to go about life and pretend things are fine when you are 99.9% certain you are going to die.  I think my health anxiety is going to be one of the last symptoms to leave. Thankfully, it's starting to quiet down on my baseline days.

 

Coop, you've dealt with this symptom a lot, too. Do you think it will go away on its own, like all the others? I wonder sometimes if I've conditioned those thoughts somehow.

[[Fi...]]

HH--yeah, sorry about the football game.  I'm a Duck actually, and don't much care on any account.  For us a game like this means mainly that we stay put on the farm and don't try to drive around town with 15,000 additional people out there.

 

Thanks for reading my post.  Dreams have been an interesting thread in my story.  Opioid dreams--while I was on them--were all cataclysmic, technicolor end of the world extravaganzas and left me exhausted in the morning.  I had a series of "sick" dreams during afternoon naps when I went off the Xanax.  I knew I was healing when I started having regular, sometimes even pleasant dreams.  My daughter always says I have the most transparent dreams ever.  There is just no question what's going on in my mind.  The ones I recounted from last night were the first two in awhile that seemed to have such significance to what's going on with me lately.

 

I shy away from using dreams in my fiction because hey, you can make up anything you want, right?  But in writing a memoir where I'm sticking strictly to the truth in every detail, it feels like a gift to dream these perfect metaphors.

 

Hi Korbe--welcome back to the forum.  I'm somebody who joined officially while you were away, although I was probably reading your posts previously without your name attached.

 

Wishes for healing to all,

FJ

[[mr...]]

Hi Peace and Coop,

I swear I think the health anxiety is the worst symptom! It takes EVERY other symptom and adds a sinister layer to it. Ugh! It's hard to go about life and pretend things are fine when you are 99.9% certain you are going to die.  I think my health anxiety is going to be one of the last symptoms to leave. Thankfully, it's starting to quiet down on my baseline days.

 

Coop, you've dealt with this symptom a lot, too. Do you think it will go away on its own, like all the others? I wonder sometimes if I've conditioned those thoughts somehow.

 

I've thought about this lots before as well, HH.  I don't want to die, and I have no intention of doing so for a very very very long time, either.  But I feel like I'm SO OVER being afraid of "death", or anything to do with major "fear" feelings, for that matter...  So lately, when health fears (or other fears) try and "kick in", I spend lots of mental energy remembering...remembering that I'm OVER it, over being afraid of death, etc.  It's kinda the mindset of: "I'd rather die living, than live a dead life."  Not always easy, of course, but it is helping me to stand against walking in fear.

 

Stupid health "fears" though   They are annoying!!!  Happy to kick them to the curb for GOOD!

 

Sleep tight, pal   It's almost 1am here, and I'm SLEEPY!!  

 

Mrs.

[[Fi...]]

Hey Buddies--Lots of people write about having "the boaty feeling."  Can you explain that more?  I have never experienced the slightest dizziness with this (don't hate me, remember my withdrawal symptoms are a mix of benzos and opioids) but I have often complained of feeling like my walk has turned into a rocking gate, side to side, and I'm forever hitting my shoulders against the door jams.  Could this be the boatiness you describe?  Since all this started for me with knee replacement surgery, I always associated it with the mechanics of learning to make that knee work, but now I'm  wondering if this is a benzo sxs that might go away?  I feel very clumsy!

[[No...]]

FJ ... yep ... that is the boatiness I talk about ... they keep moving the door jambs around here ... and I can bounce through them sometimes ... feels like my inner gyroscope gets a bit out of wack from time to time ...

 

[[...]]

Green...hi sx buddy.. I have been following you , but was in such a lousy place I didn't want to cast gloom and doom all around. I had exactly the same experience about a week or so ago. I had a few days of feeling wonderful. no sx. nice happy window.. sure that healing was mine...next day . terrible wave that came in and set up camp for days ..

...So glad to hear you feeling better...We have come so far...all of us together..A few more months. 6 more months. I think I can do 6 more months..is it too soon to start planning the garden and look g forward to Mothers Day ...and the tulips coming up...and being able to predict and depend on our days.. So happy to see you here Green.  coop

 

 

Yeah, Coop, the new pattern threw me for a loop, not to mention that crazy-bad wave I had.  What kind of symptoms are you getting these days? 

 

Mine were all over the place, I went from the panic attack, to mini panic attacks, that started feeling like major anxiety which sizzled out in drenching sweats, 24/7.  I was so revved I felt like I had a giant generator running inside me.  Then the crash, depression, blah, blah.  I think the whole thing went on 3-4 weeks.

 

Funny thing, the wave thing simmered down, now it's just insomnia and aches n pains.  But I am totally, completely sure we're all going to get better, recover, move on with our lives.  There's not a doubt in my mind.  I'm not being Pollyanna hopeful.  I just know it!

 

Hey Green, still in the throws. The worst is still upon waking up. Crazy terror fear panic all in one. Constant thoughts,fear of not being able to make it through. Then later it may ease if not the depression sets in for hours. The mental anguish/torture as most of us  know,keeps me constantly on the edge.  It's been this bad now for months. Mid Dec it will be one year and I think

(cant remember much) sometimes it's worse than my first 6 months. The only plus side is I'm sleeping 5-6 hrs average.

Wishing you and all of us in this mess better days with much improvement.

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

Jrod- I'm so sorry. I've slid back into some kind of depression after a few decent days. Oh, how I hate it! I'm going to try exercising today and see where that gets me. Can you get out for a walk? I'm so sorry you have this one. I wish I knew of a solution besides sleep and time. Thinking of you.

 

Peace2

[[...]]

Jrod- I'm so sorry. I've slid back into some kind of depression after a few decent days. Oh, how I hate it! I'm going to try exercising today and see where that gets me. Can you get out for a walk? I'm so sorry you have this one. I wish I knew of a solution besides sleep and time. Thinking of f

Peace2

 

Sorry to hear it's back . Peace I keep pretty active, I ride my bike most every morning and then head to the gym for bout 45 min. I don't over do it but I do it. This crap is all over the place. I could be in the depths of depression one day then about to implode from extreme surges of anxiety the next. Or both can tag team me & take place in the same day.

 

I don't know if I'm worse than I was in the beginning but there is no doubt I'm spent and way over taxed. That's maybe why this seems sometimes an unreachable goal.

 

I'm encouraged you've had some good days which is always a great sign and gives us a chance to regroup for the next chapter.

 

Hang in there

[[pe...]]

I know, Jrod. I refer to the whole deal as a moving target. You never really know what you'll get from day to day. It's amazing/ridiculous that every time things ramp up I'm surprised, discouraged, desperate. I've been here so many times and each time feels as awful as the first and some of that is certainly the fatigue and length of this.

You're doing a great job. Your exercise routine is admirable, amazing really. I would give you the biggest hug if I could! I'm 'here' with you.

 

 

Peace2

[[Fi...]]

Hey, thanks, Nova.  That's actually good news to me if my close encounters with door jams are all about withdrawal and not just about getting old!

 

Peace and Jrod, so sorry you're having a rough time of it.

 

FJ

[[He...]]

FJ,

I need you to send me some of your writing brilliance today!  I have a 5-6 page paper that is due today and I have been STALLING.  It's on a huge project for my masters class, but I am STUCK! 

So send me some vibes or writing fairies or something, ok? 

I hope you are having a better day today! 

HH

[[Fi...]]

HH-- okay, since you ask!  A paper you have to write is different from something you WANT to write.  For my own stuff, I don't believe in writer's block.  If I don't have anything to say, I don't worry about trying to say it.  I would no more sit at the computer staring at a blank screen than I would go to the hospital to deliver a baby I wasn't pregnant with!

 

That said, sometimes I've launched a project and getting started on the day to day hacking away at it isn't always easy.  That's sort of the situation you're in now.  You've got this class, you must write this paper.  So here's a saying I have on my website and my mother has done it in calligraphy for my office. 

 

 

ARE YOU IN EARNEST?

SEIZE THIS VERY MINUTE!

WHAT YOU CAN DO, OR DERAM YOU CAN, BEGIN IT!

BOLDNESS HAS GENIUS, POWER AND MAGIC IN IT!

ONLY ENGAGE, AND THEN THE MIND GROWS HEATED

BEGIN AND THEN THE WORK WILL BE COMPLETED---GOETHE

 

Basically, starting is the hardest part so just get going!  Start anywhere!  I often write my happy endings first and then work towards them.  My memoir about withdrawal starts like this:

 

I am well.  Completely well.

 

Great.

Except, I'm lying.

As I write this, anyway.

I'm watching myself nail this down on faith alone that, by the time you read these words, they'll be true.

 

Good luck!

 

[[Ko...]]

Finally Joining,

 

Boaty for me is a feeling of being really drunk and staggering or like your walking on the deck of a boat in choppy water. Surprised I don't feel sea sick. Mostly occurs when standing, thank god, but occasionally when sitting at a table.  I have to wait for the table to stop rocking. At the grocery store I have to hang on to the basket so I don't stagger or rock.

 

HealingHope, thanks for your good thoughts.  I know we will eventually get better. I'm going to try to be more proactive  by walking when I'm able and improving my diet. I've gained 30 pounds in a year & half.  Never ever weighed this much. Makes me angry.

 

Best to you both

 

Korbe

[[Fi...]]

Korbe, I'm mad about my weight gain too and also have never weighed so much.  I feel like I've been sentenced to wear a fat suit or something.  There have been times when I've just craved carbs so bad it would completely override my knowledge that this was the way to Fatsville.  And then the inability to exercise when fatigue or body pains make it impossible.  I'm just hoping I've stopped the climb at this high number and can turn this train around.  I'm thinking of it as just trying to Work My Program when I can, which includes stationary biking, a mini-tramp, a 20 minute walk around my trees etc.  I've gotten tired of trying for the gym and showing up so many times like, "Hey, I'm back!"  Only to not be back.  Three consecutive times is the most I've made it before another wave would hit.  Now I'm at the point where I wish I could drop a few pounds before I show up there again~

[[Ko...]]

Finallyjoining, I haven't been to the gym for 18 months.  I was a regular 3 times a week gal.  I really miss it, but I was just to sick to go.  Sounds like you've been able to go some of the time.  Today, I was able to take three 5 min walks for a total of 15 min.  Sounds so easy, but it's a big deal for me.

I'm determined to reclaim my body.  I'm going to push myself when I can.  Also, decided to start the Atkins Diet to see if I can make a dent in this 30 lbs.  I think I can prep the food, so I'm going to try.

It'll take 3 days to get the sugar out of my system, another deadly addiction.

 

I think if you do what you can when you're able and not make any appointments it we'll be less stressful for you.  Good luck with your weight loss efforts.

 

Korbe