12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

ugh..we are all getting whacked.  I try to stay psoitive and accept the symptoms...it's just so hard.  I was trying to meditate before a meeting and I am literally getting clammy and sweating...nova and others...if nobody else had this weird brain feeling stuff I would definitely be in the luny bin   It comforts me although I am still amazed how I could feel so good a month ago and now so bad.  Yes...yes it's non linear but that doesn't always register with my brain.  I can only imagine how you can feel further out than me.  I have not turned a corner or felt a higher baseline in forever(at least I can't remember) I have a performance tonight and for some strange reason that seems to always help.  Getting to stage time is murder though   Rant # 2 over

 

coop-not sure I'll continue on betablocker...my tummy is water.  I am just so sensitive to every med. but I have no idea if it's that or just regular recovery.  I just hate taking anything.   

[[Co...]]

Yep, " this ain't me.." and this is not my life party...

...Drew, this is not the real you..it's w/d with anxiety/panic leading your parade...there is nothing like the ugly chorus of health fears singing  along with every physical sx.  Just go as easy as you can through this day...and know that we are all hanging out here with you today. ...

.....LM....My heart is with you...I have no idea how you get through work every day and care for a little boy...by yourself.

Who helps you? .....Is there any way you could take a leave from work for awhile? ...We're with you LM

.......Nova....yep...same ole same ole...You do sound like you are getting little breaks from it throughout the day...thanks for being here Nova...we need ya today...coop

 

 

[[Aq...]]

Hey Drew, I had the same thing but basically from months 9-12. Through that time my s/x had been worse than earlier but not worse than acute. Hard to say really anymore. Just this past week I have finally had a let up of symptoms including the boatiness (yes, for real LM!). I don't call it a full window but it was a "I can live with this" window. However, I was constantly a little on edge for symptoms to come back and they have today. Hopefully not for long, but I am very boaty today

 

Anyways, usually my partial windows last maybe a day or a few hours. This was the longest one yet. I may be back in the funk but that was a decent relief.

[[No...]]

Drew ... if find the baseline business kind of sly ... and for three days I felt okay ... not a window ... just sort of cruise control ... I suspect that may be the baseline thingie for me ...

 

As for turning corners ... I believe I have only had a couple ... when I started the taper ... when I jumped ... and last August when I "knew" I would get through this stuff ...

 

Have a good performance tonight ... hope it helps to settle things a bit ...

[[No...]]

Aquaval ... sure is nice to get these relief times once in a while ... for me sorta gives a re-change to the old batteries ...

 

Good to see you here ...

[[Co...]]

Aquaval, ...yes, if we could just maintain a ' livable' baseline to go the distance with lingering sx...Every time I get rolled over by a wave that washes out my baseline temporarily I feel set back.

....You sound steady.  Hope your wave is  brief... .coop

[[pe...]]

*lol...not omelet*...Auto Correct must be hungry...ride...dizzy ride*

 

Coop has the best auto corrects! I've laughed out loud at them on occasion. I think they would also make an excellent benzo bedside reading book, right next to Nova's. Coop's book of autocorrects for when you need a dose of laughter and Nova's book of wisdom when you need a bit of that. What a great team! So glad for you both.

[[Co...]]

Hi MightyGirl....how are you doing?...Yes, my auto correct is just nuts and I have the bad habit of not checking as I type along. I usually type on my Note 4 because my Kindle is an antique and weighs about 5 pounds...no kidding.

....You sound like you have a little spirit back in your voice....so glad to hear it....Hope you are feeling much better Peace.  Are you on Spring Break yet? ...Nice to see you today, we think about you all the time....coop

[[Co...]]

Sky.  So glad to hear that your vibrations let up. ..Hope your day went along much better today.. 7/8 more months...with plenty of wide open windows I hope...coop

[[je...]]

Drew,

Month 9/10 were awful for me too, it seems a lot of us get hit around that time frame. Sorry your dealing with this anxiety today, I know the feeling all too well and it sucks!! Feel better 

[[Co...]]

Hi Jenny....I don't want to hijack your post to Drew, ...but how are you doing now? ...Has your anxiety eased? ...I really hope so.....coop

[[je...]]

Hi. As it's 2 days since my post on here of the 17th, when only NovaScotia replied, does this mean that no one else has experienced any of the sxs I listed - If so,  am really worried now as I thought more people would have had at least some of the same sxs. And no one has responded saying how they were at 15 months out, so I  no longer feel reassured it isn't just me feeling so wretched.

 

Sorry to moan - but anxiety now high.

 

 

Sometimes posts get skipped over because this thread moves pretty quickly. I have not read your previous post so I'm not sure what exact sx  you have, but I will say that month 15/16 were BAD for me. Loads of head pressure and burning brain sensations, nerve pain, muscle weakness, massive fatigue. Try not to worry too much, I'm sure everything your dealing with is just "normal" w d stuff. Jenny

[[je...]]

Hi Jenny....I don't want to hijack your post to Drew, ...but how are you doing now? ...Has your anxiety eased? ...I really hope so.....coop

 

Hi Coop,

My anxiety is better today, but I slept horrible last night and have a lot of adrenaline pumping through me which is making me feel uneasy in my skin. Right now I have a lot of head pressure with a low grade headache. Sounds like we're all in the soup today... Jenny 

[[Co...]]

Jenny...Glad the anxiety is better. Yep...we are all swimming around in the soup today....so much head stuff going on...ugghh....I would so much rather be eating some of Nova's soup... well...tomorrow is another day.. gotta be a better one....

[[No...]]

Hi Peace, Hi Jenny ... Coop ... tried to get some rest ... too much revving to settle down ... so I am up again ... seems I have the full meal deal today ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova...come on in...sit right down at the table...plenty to go around....Me too.  Although I think it might be trying to lift. How are you doing with depression? I seem to be getting more bouts of it....

...Are you still getting snow?...Can't even believe I am asking that of anyone in the middle of March...It's truly March here. Blustery and cold and wet...The dog and I are tucked in already for the night. As Drew says, " I am working on acceptance"..  I hope you can get more rest tonight.. carry on....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... things are revving pretty good ... so all I can do is sit here and wait for it to pass ... can't even do puzzles right now ... and things are a little dizzy ...

[[No...]]

We had a two foot storm on Wednesday ... and another coming on Saturday ... and they say another one on Tuesday ... so yep, that is a little depressing ...

 

Feeling very housebound right now ...

[[Co...]]

Awww, so sorry Nova...that's exactly where I was this afternoon...some of the most intense dizziness in awhile. I had a hard time reading or even following the tv....seems to be clearing...crossing my fingers.

.....Tomorrow has to be better...coop

[[dr...]]

What is w the dizziness/boatiness today?  I had some of the worst recently too.  I started getting a bad headache and was lucky enough the gym had a massage.  I got a one hour cranial. Seemed to help. I'm pretty sure this is all tension from a day of panic waves. Hopefully my vision won't go and it will be s migraine.  Off to perform. Hope everyone gets a good night sleep. We deserve it.

[[No...]]

Have a good evening Drew ... and your are right ... so much of this is about tension and inflammation ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... to hear you think you stuff is lifting ...

 

And it is tough right now not to be able to engage a distraction ... time drags when I get like this ...

[[mr...]]

Hi all.

 

Been having some challenges sorting through emotions and thoughts.  I've been feeling a bit disconnected from my buddies here, as I haven't been posting as much (with working fulltime and having other activities outside of work - all "good" reasons to be away from the site), and I miss/desire the support so much...  I've also been feeling this way in my personal life a little bit also, like I'm "alone" and/or "lonely".  Life IS truly better than it was last year, but there is still so much progress I desire to see.  That's not to say I'm not grateful for all the progress that has been made, of course ~ I just want my brain back!!  What remains is mostly mental, and I desire to see it GONE.  And YESTERDAY.  Ugh.  You all know what I mean.

 

Drew, your panics...I completely understand how that feels.  And how the brain "grabs onto" things and "rides it like a pony" ~ yes, exactly.  I almost have to treat my brain like it's an impressionable 3-year-old brat who will repeat anything it hears and overreact to it.  One of the things I've experienced also is like a repetitive thought pattern that follows "What if XYZ event happens..."  I remember Garton and Wisewomanwithissues mentioning some similar experiences.  It is like the benzo-brain just wants to "reject" my positive thinking about XYZ event.  I know it will pass, but I am very ready for that timeframe in healing where I KNOW that I've got the upper hand from now on....that timeframe that Bliss talks about, where we now know that we can do ANYTHING ~ this was how I was before withdrawal, and this is exactly how I will be...I will fight for it.  I just want it to be here already.  3 years of tolerance, followed by a two year taper, followed by a now four month post-withdrawal is plenty long for me, thank you very much! 

 

My apologies for the "rant", gang.  I think I've been irritable these past few days because I'm irritated with where I'm at in withdrawal.  I think I was expecting more progress by now; don't we all fall into that hope at some point?  Anyways, thanks for listening.  I hope that none of you are mad at me, for being irritable.  I'm really trying to just relax into the process and accept (and enjoy!) where I am currently. 

 

Okie dokes, Mr is calling for me...we are heading out the door.  Thanks for listening/reading.  Love to you all.

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Mrs ... the irritable thing seems to be very common ... it has come and gone for me many times ...

 

Just keep doing your thing until you don't have to do it anymore ... and I have found whenever I set up expectations they mostly get tangled up I this process and don't seem to get met ...

 

This process will take as long as it takes ... with or without my so-called help ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... going to try to shut down again ... have a good evening ...