12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Peace,  I just loved your post. .yes,  so much healing in that post. Btw...I think anyone with at least one child under 10 gets a free pass to stay home for TG children do so much bested in their own homes with all the hoopty-doo of the holidays. I like to see my relatives from out of town on a one to one basis throughout the year. They come for a visit or I go for a visit ( although I haven't been out of my city for the entirity of this craziness). I can make it so much more special and personal.  I make a huge deal out of my grandsons ' birthdays and go easy on the Christmas. ( I can give them the gifts they really want on their birthdays because I am only buying for one) ....

...I so appreciated your sharing of the integrative therapist's words. So encouraging....especially the part about the second year being easier than the first.  Please let it be so. Yep..time ..time ...time...You sound do good Peace...so happy for you. coop..

[[...]]

Good fishing day! I'm feeling a tad better tonight!

 

Michael, I am SO happy that you got good news!!

 

Everyone is so great! I appreciate each of you so much!

 

Thank you for being here, I love that we have each other...the caring, the understanding!!

 

[[Co...]]

FJ.  That is such a spot on observation..on a good day our thoughts are about what we are Doing.. on a bad day we are engulfed by thoughts of how we are feeling.  actually for me.  trapped by how I am feeling.  Glad you are feeling better. here's to "Better"... coop

[[He...]]

FJ.  That is such a spot on observation..on a good day our thoughts are about what we are Doing.. on a bad day we are engulfed by thoughts of how we are feeling.  actually for me.  trapped by how I am feeling.  Glad you are feeling better. here's to "Better"... coop

 

This is very much true for me, too. During a wave I become very inward focused.  Almost like I'm "listening" to my body, and everything that feels different catches my attention. I think that is actually why I do better when I am working or have something to do. It pulls my attention outside of myself. 

 

Here's to better! We WILL get there.

[[Co...]]

HH.. so sorry that you got slammed so hard with the night panic. The racing heart and panic are just horrific. So glad you have Mr. HH to cry on, it is so huge to have support. It's okay to cry. I still cry and cry ...sometimes over the smallest s/x or just the sheer ' unending' of it. I always feel better after crying my eyes out. .

  .Me too HH, I have to remind myself every day that 2 years is the new ' 6 months'  ....sigh.  You and I and Green and Michael , and Mrs. and GMIT, and Peace.. and all of us.. we are all going to get to the 2 year place with our lives back.

....HH , I hope your racing heart and panics are over forever. Sending you wishes for the best sunbreaks that just break intowindows.  coop

[[Co...]]

Green...hi sx buddy.. I have been following you , but was in such a lousy place I didn't want to cast gloom and doom all around. I had exactly the same experience about a week or so ago. I had a few days of feeling wonderful. no sx. nice happy window.. sure that healing was mine...next day . terrible wave that came in and set up camp for days ..

...So glad to hear you feeling better...We have come so far...all of us together..A few more months. 6 more months. I think I can do 6 more months..is it too soon to start planning the garden and look g forward to Mothers Day ...and the tulips coming up...and being able to predict and depend on our days.. So happy to see you here Green.  coop

[[He...]]

HH.. so sorry that you got slammed so hard with the night panic. The racing heart and panic are just horrific. So glad you have Mr. HH to cry on, it is so huge to have support. It's okay to cry. I still cry and cry ...sometimes over the smallest s/x or just the sheer ' unending' of it. I always feel better after crying my eyes out. .

  .Me too HH, I have to remind myself every day that 2 years is the new ' 6 months'  ....sigh.  You and I and Green and Michael , and Mrs. and GMIT, and Peace.. and all of us.. we are all going to get to the 2 year place with our lives back.

....HH , I hope your racing heart and panics are over forever. Sending you wishes for the best sunbreaks that just break intowindows.  coop

 

Hi Coop,

Yes, it really was terrible! I used to have cortisol rushes and anxiety at night that would wake me and prevent me from falling back to sleep, but my racing, pounding heart was a whole other ball game. I hope that does NOT happen again!! Mrs told me that she would get it after eating too much. I definitely stuffed myself and went to bed uncomfortably full. I hope that was the cause, and not just a new phase I'm in!

 

You are right, we WILL get our lives back!  Look how far we've already come.    I'm trying desperately to remember this today that is flooded with fear and depression.

 

Wishing you healing!

[[Co...]]

Nova...I can not tell you how happy I am for you that your biopsy came back good. I am doing a big happy dance for you friend. We have to remember that we are still early into the second year...still a ways to go...but as you tell us so often. every day.  every step takes us that much closer.

...Rest well Michael ( sorry..I forget which thread I am on).. coop

[[Co...]]

HH. it's going to get better HH.. fear and depression together is such a dark place. but it is going to end..just try to get to the next day...I am thinking of you....coop

[[Co...]]

Life...I think you just wrote a wonderful intro to your success story..thank you so much for posting in from time to time to let us know how well you are..  it is such a huge encouragement to all of us.

....We all understand that you are in that 100% place . We are all so happy for you. I am only well sometimes, but feel a need to take little breaks from the forum. Sometimes because I just feel so normal .. other times because I just feel so bad I don't want to be the black cloud on the thread.

...Keep us posted from time to time as it feels right for you.  We love you and hope all your days are of the " effortless mind "  type..  love to you Life....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green,

You are such a source of support!  Thank you!  I'm glad that your mega-wave has left....hopefully it will NOT return.  I think that these post-year waves are so brutal because we are just plum worn out.  I know that for me I feel GOOD when I'm not in a wave, and the switch from good to wave is devastating and scary.  I get so afraid that this it it, the best I will be....yet, I know that is not true.  I have to remind myself that the 14 month mark was average...which doesn't mean the majority, it means half.  I also have to remind myself that I'm not even out of the 6-18 month time frame that I read about earlier.  And then I continue to remind myself that many, MANY BBs who are healed report they healed in the 18-24 time frame.  And finally I remind myself that the doctor in Canada talked about how unfortunate it was that the woman he wrote about reinstated before hitting 2 years because he knew she would have been healed by that time...and later she went on to do just that. 

 

You are right.  It is NOT me.  thank you my friend!

 

HH, no, this is definitely not you.  This second year is much better than the first, no doubt, but, as you note, going from feeling pretty damned good straight into hell is mind=blowing confusing, I find it very hard to cope with -- I'm having a tough time adjusting to the new pattern.  The new "good" is the best I've ever been, mentally, anyway, really great mental clarity, and when it goes bad, it's fast and it's merciless, it takes no prisoners.

 

I hope I don't get anything as bad as the last one, but you're ahead of me, and so is Nova, Jenny, and you're all getting hit.  So better to be realistic, and just hope for the best.

 

But I sincerely believe 18 months, give or take.  I think it's going to start to get much better very soon.

 

:smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Green--glad to read all your posts.  I was about ready to post asking what was up with you!

 

I like your idea that crying is a signal you're about to feel better.  I'm afraid I've always just associated it with time in the pit and descending into the darkness of those blackest of thoughts.

 

I'm actually feel pretty good today so far.  My only current symptom is this weird, nervy pain in the backs of my thighs.  This was my very first symptom when I started going off Oxycodone and I wonder if it's going to be the last to leave.  I've never heard anybody else describe quite this same thing.  I would associate it completely with the opioids except that it seemed like it had gone away after 8 months off Oxy and then came back big time when I went off the Xanax.

 

I'm not feeling fatigued and actually have a little bit of energy and optimism.  For me, noticing what I'm thinking has always been the barometer of how I'm doing.  When I'm in a window, I start thinking about what I might DO as opposed to be so everlovin' preoccupied with how I'm FEELING.  Some people would hear that and think that the answer to my problem was simply to start doing stuff.  Huh uh.  That's not how it works.  When my brain feels some healing, then I WANT to do those things.  I can't make my brain heal by DOING the things.  It has taken a long time for me to get to this point of acceptance, where I just refuse to try to do anything I don't feel like doing.  I can't exercise my way out of this, for example.  I just go for whatever makes my brain feel calm and distracted.

 

Hey, checking on people on the board has worked for me this way!

 

FJ,

 

I completely agree, pushing myself when I feel awful usually makes things worse.  And when I feel good and, as you say, WANT to do things, it's effortless, I just go and do, I don't have to force myself.

 

I haven't had much localized pain, except for severe tailbone pain maybe from months 6-9, that made it hard to sit, hard to get out of a chair.  That just disappeared.  Otherwise my pain seems to be generalized, all over stiff and mild to mod. painful, some parts hurting a little more than others, but it always travels.

 

Do you think yours is nerve or muscle pain?  The backs of the legs, I mean.

 

FJ, you seem to be getting hit much harder in year two than year one.  Do I have that right?  Coming off opioids and benzos is a double whammy.  And opioid w/d, I think that's two years also?  God, I have trouble understanding how one drug turned so many of my body systems upside down.  I would go nuts trying to figure out two drugs, what symptoms belonged to which withdrawal.

 

Hopefully we are all going to start feeling better

 

[[Gr...]]

Good fishing day! I'm feeling a tad better tonight!

 

Michael, I am SO happy that you got good news!!

 

Everyone is so great! I appreciate each of you so much!

 

Thank you for being here, I love that we have each other...the caring, the understanding!!

 

 

I agree, GMIT, I agree

[[pe...]]

Michael- I'm so glad you got the all clear on the biopsy and now it's back to business for you. Heal, sleep and repeat.

 

Thanks all for the encouraging posts. I'm holding at pretty good but getting a bit wavier. My father is very sick. He lives alone in the woods four hours away. He called my husband today and asked him to come and get him. He simply can't take care of himself. So my hero, my husband who has kept me safe these two years, drove up to rescue him. And I could let him go without falling apart and be glad to share his help with my sweet dad.  My father will go stay with my sister. We're hoping it's just the thing. And life goes on alongside recovery.

 

HH, Coop, Jenny, Michael, Green, GMIT, FJ, Mrs, Life - I'm thinking of you dear ones and hoping for healing and peace. So much love.

 

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

Green...hi sx buddy.. I have been following you , but was in such a lousy place I didn't want to cast gloom and doom all around. I had exactly the same experience about a week or so ago. I had a few days of feeling wonderful. no sx. nice happy window.. sure that healing was mine...next day . terrible wave that came in and set up camp for days ..

...So glad to hear you feeling better...We have come so far...all of us together..A few more months. 6 more months. I think I can do 6 more months..is it too soon to start planning the garden and look g forward to Mothers Day ...and the tulips coming up...and being able to predict and depend on our days.. So happy to see you here Green.  coop

 

Yeah, Coop, the new pattern threw me for a loop, not to mention that crazy-bad wave I had.  What kind of symptoms are you getting these days? 

 

Mine were all over the place, I went from the panic attack, to mini panic attacks, that started feeling like major anxiety which sizzled out in drenching sweats, 24/7.  I was so revved I felt like I had a giant generator running inside me.  Then the crash, depression, blah, blah.  I think the whole thing went on 3-4 weeks.

 

Funny thing, the wave thing simmered down, now it's just insomnia and aches n pains.  But I am totally, completely sure we're all going to get better, recover, move on with our lives.  There's not a doubt in my mind.  I'm not being Pollyanna hopeful.  I just know it!

[[Gr...]]

Michael- I'm so glad you got the all clear on the biopsy and now it's back to business for you. Heal, sleep and repeat.

 

Thanks all for the encouraging posts. I'm holding at pretty good but getting a bit wavier. My father is very sick. He lives alone in the woods four hours away. He called my husband today and asked him to come and get him. He simply can't take care of himself. So my hero, my husband who has kept me safe these two years, drove up to rescue him. And I could let him go without falling apart and be glad to share his help with my sweet dad.  My father will go stay with my sister. We're hoping it's just the thing. And life goes on alongside recovery.

 

HH, Coop, Jenny, Michael, Green, GMIT, FJ, Mrs, Life - I'm thinking of you dear ones and hoping for healing and peace. So much love.

 

Peace2

 

Life does go on Peace.  I'm sorry your dad isn't well. I'll keep him in my prayers.

[[Fi...]]

Peace, I'm glad to hear that you also have a hero husband at your side, but isn't it sad how even they couldn't save us from going through this?  And I swear, when I'm in the pit, I feel completely alone, even when this sweet man of mine is right there. From reading all the stories, I'm convinced this is just plain hell for everybody, no matter their age, income or family circumstances.  Maybe benzo withdrawal is the Great Equalizer.

 

Green--Yeah, opioids are supposed to take two years.  When I first heard that at 6 months out of course I was appalled.  Ever after that I've realized that it's probably a blessing to not know how long this will drag on since the story for most people seems to be that it lasts way longer than they're hoping.

 

I really shouldn't spend much time trying to sort out which symptoms are from which, especially since the usual healing time for both seems to be lining up.  I'll be two years off Oxycodone at New Years and a shade over 16 months off the Xanax.  Some people on this board have insisted out of hand that my trouble now is benzos because, according to them, benzo withdrawal is the worst of anything.  I'm not arguing which is worse.  I guess my interest in this was renewed as I realized how I really am not relating to the element of prolonged anxiety you are all expressing.  My time in the pit is more about depression.

 

I wouldn't say my second year has been worse.  I was ten months off opioids and two months off Xanax when I had my first true awakening and thought, Shit!  I've really lived through something here.  I ought to write about this and warn other people.  I had been a walking, working zombie up to that point, not even understanding what I was going through.  So that was about a year ago.  In January I had another mental breakthrough of feeling my old creative self coming back.  After that I just yo-yoed.  Tracking my days, I was having about 50% good days, 25% medium and 25% bad.  I'd fall in the pit every week or two.  Then, last month, I slipped into this new pattern of having 13 bad days in a row, one good day, then 9 more bad ones.  This was unprecedented. 

 

So now I was horrid the day before Thanksgiving, miraculously well yesterday and today I'm calling a medium day again.  Stay tuned!  I have no idea what comes next.  I'm just watching myself like a movie, trying to live through to the end of this story so I can finish my book!

 

Love,

FJ

[[Fi...]]

Green--I think your summation of your past wave shows how time gets distorted for us and really seems to drag out forever.  You say your horrid wave lasted 3-4 weeks, but you started this post on Nov. 5, feeling pretty optimistic, right?  And it was at least a few days before you fell in a hole.  And you started coming out of it a few days ago.  So that puts it more like two or two and a half weeks.  Which I'm sure seemed like two years!

 

I'm not trying to diminish the horror of what you were going through at all!  Just pointing out that our thinking can get distorted.  If I hadn't written down that I had 8 good days in a row in July, I wouldn't believe it now. 

[[Gr...]]

Green--I think your summation of your past wave shows how time gets distorted for us and really seems to drag out forever.  You say your horrid wave lasted 3-4 weeks, but you started this post on Nov. 5, feeling pretty optimistic, right?  And it was at least a few days before you fell in a hole.  And you started coming out of it a few days ago.  So that puts it more like two or two and a half weeks.  Which I'm sure seemed like two years!

 

I'm not trying to diminish the horror of what you were going through at all!  Just pointing out that our thinking can get distorted.  If I hadn't written down that I had 8 good days in a row in July, I wouldn't believe it now.

 

FJ,  you're right, I think, about how long that wave was.  Coop and I have had this conversation, lol.  Time in the hole, felt like an eternity, how long was it really, how many days?  For me it's hard to count good days, bad days, medium days, I think because when I get wavy, symptoms cycle fast.  Also, I have trouble separating mental sx from physical ones.  and I never feel window great, what I would call a window, nothing that nearly resembles my pre benzo energy levels.  So I've come to reserve "wave" for the intolerable symptoms.  And in this second year, bad days and better days just merge into each other, and feeling better was starting late in the day, which is what I had going on for a month, morning was awful, and things slowly got better towards late afternoon, early evening.  But  I also had that unbelievable fatigue, that was new, and that slowed me down, no matter how I felt.  And then that morphed into the wave. 

 

So I'm not sure when it started.  I went back to my progress log to try to track it.  Actually, from my perspective today, the whole first year was absolutely awful.  The first three months, acute, horrendous, and then not much better after that.  That's how I remember it.  I'm sure if I went back to my progress log I could find some better times.

 

Thing is, in the last couple of days ppl have commented that I seem much better, much clearer.  I feel my mental baseline is unlike anything I've felt, it's really, really good, so that makes me feel positive.  I really feel like me, like I can think, like all the crazy voices in my head have quieted, and mine is the only one in there.  And that's a beautiful thing.

 

back to physical v. mental.  anxiety, is that mental, because there's racing thoughts in your head, panic, fear, all mental, part of anxiety, in your head.  but the cement chest, the rapid heartbeat, the palpitations that go with it, they're all physical.  And then that goes into the health fears because now you're afraid you're going to get a heart attack because your heart is hammering away, now it's mental again. 

 

Sorry, I'm all over the place, I can see this is all disorganized, but I've written it already, and now I'm tired!  So it has to stay.

 

You say by the holidays two years off Oxy and 16 off Xanax.  you're in the home stretch.  I didn't used to believe when I read here that a bad wave would leave, and then it never came back, it was over, just like that.  I found that hard to believe, I felt it had to be more linear.  Now I believe that's exactly how it happens, I think the bad wave goes away, and it never comes back.  And then all of the little odds and ends symptoms slowly disappear in their own time. 

 

You say you don't get anxiety.  Are you sure?  Anxiety is responsible for so many of our crazy symptoms.  Do you sleep?

 

Anyway, now i'm writing a book, a very bad one.

 

Have a good night.  Be well.

 

Susan

[[Co...]]

Green..I agree the entire first year for me feels like acute..just variations on a theme..a theme from Dante's Hell. ..I had a very good first 6 or so weeks after jump ..and then the entire underworld opened up and in I fell. From month 4 - 10.5 really was acute with some breaks, some sunbreaks and some very widely spaced 24 hour windows. The only difference I could tell between what we call acute and the 6 months following was that in ' acute' all my sx were hitting me all at the same time and intense intense with 2 trips to the er. The next 6 months were the same sx just not always on HD. From 6-12 months my sx took turns taking center stage. One day depression was the star. next day depression had top billing. next day anxiety bordring on panic...etc etc. you get it. I would have a few good days in between if I was lucky . I have never been able to sort out what happened when and I have pretty much abandoned both my progress journals. I finally just gave up and decided to go with whatever the day brought and took the attitude that it was like herding cats to try to track anything. ...

...I am now almost at month 11. I feel better..until I dont. I do feel that things are better and a corner has been turned ..however I am  in a decent baseline right now..it could change tomorrow...but I have a feeling my baseline will hold even if I have more waves. The past few months for me have been very much like Green's....a long wave of what felt like  early acute...a month of one day good. 2 days of wavy..a day of very good, 2 weeks of crazy.. then emerging to a feeling of healing...none of it has rhyme or reason. I developed head pressure and headaches in June..out of the blue...did not have it at all until then...6 months in...they are just now letting up ( please let it hold)...This is what I know...after all these,months the only thing I know for sure is that time is the only healer, acceptance the only real relief and BBs the light on the path, the voice of reason , the lifeline and the compassion that led me from one day to the next. I have stopped thinking about how many more months until I am healed. I just try to do the best that I can with each day. good or bad and believe that I will heal ( although I have many days in which I feel that I will never heal)...I have completely given up trying to sort it out

....I have had a good day today...yesterday was tough..who knows what tomorrow will be...I just hope all of you are still here tomorrow because if it's a bad day I am going to be on here crying for reassurance and support.

  ..I do know that it is so much better than last year..but just recently...hope this is not too jaded. I am kind of just resolved to " it is what it is"...Wishing you peaceful sleep and a good tomorrow....coop

[[Fi...]]

Susan--thanks for understanding that in pointing out the contradictions in your time line I was trying to show that I'm actually paying attention to your story!

 

Anxiety?  The only thing I have that seems like the kind of anxiety you guys describe is these short sort of panic attacks that have nothing to do with anything that's going on.  It's just random, detached, physical anxiety.  I've carefully tracked these on my charts and it has now been over two months since I've had one, so that's a sign of healing.  The other thing is that I occasionally have the rapid heartbeat.  This is weird for me, because I was on Propranolol for 25 years, always lamenting that I could never get my heart pumping over a hundred no matter what I did.  These two symptoms I definitely ascribe to Xanax and not Oxycodone.

 

Two other things that have come up just recently are this fatigue we've discussed and then the dreaded benzobelly.

 

I mostly sleep quite well and have been for quite some time.  A year ago, when I went to an addiction doctor, she said that if I was sleeping well (and I was even then) I was "probably over the worst of the benzo withdrawal symptoms."  As for the opioids, she said I probably had "a few more months to go."  Yeah, that was 13 months ago!

 

I know I was addicted to the Xanax, though, because I did have immediate and crushing insomnia when I first went off, and a period of feeling the sort of anxiety you guys are still having.  And remember, my history was of taking a half a Xanax in the middle of the night more often than not.  So altough this is a small dosage, I was really just building up this tolerance and dependency.  The first thing I noted when I went off was how much more time I had when I wasn't spending it always wondering if I could justify another Xanax!  I now feel like a calmer person than before I went on Xanax in the first place.  I've always been understood to be the high strung type.  "Some people are race horses," one of my doctors said of me when I was in high school.  Maybe with maturity I have just learned to calm down more.

 

I came up with this system for keeping track of my progress last spring when I realized I didn't want to be quantifying and paying attention to symptoms so much.  So my good/bad/medium thing is a simplification.  Bad is a couch day, hurting, not exercising, just trying to get by.  When I fall in the pit I scrawl BAD! on that day.  Good is when I'm not necessarily 100% symptom free, but pretty much just living my life, although this is a different sort of life since I have to be well and get things done on the spur of the moment just as I have to drop everything when I'm bad.  Medium is like today, not really well, and plenty of symptoms, but still having flashes of energy and optimism and able to successfully distract myself at least part of the time.

 

So, you have two sons and one is 25.  Are they any help?  My 28 year old son has lately caught on that just throwing me the small bone or a short e-mail with fair frequency is hugely appreciated.  My other two kids, not so much.  They are only too glad to see me looking perfectly fine on Thanksgiving Day and figure nothing more is required of them.  Hey, I look forward to healing and feeling more forgiving!

 

Love,

FJ

[[Co...]]

* correction...13 months* I am just beginning month 13..I keep making that mistake...SO  many mistakes in that above post...my mind is not put back together enough to post and watch a movie at the same time.  coop

[[Co...]]

FJ...I am now rating my days in a similar way.  OK ..good..bad or a window day. Every now and then I get a day that is 100% ..what Life coined as an " effortless mind " day..

....It is interesting that you write about opoids. My physician prescribed codeine for my RA pain. I took it for years ( at least 5). I was on a dose of 30mg ...2 to 3 times in 24 hours. I didn't think twice about it . I thought it was a harmless medication...like cold medication in a pill form. I was taking it at the time I was prescribed Ativan and took it while taking Ativan.  also not giving that combo a second thought ( surely my physician would not prescribe both together if it wasn't safe). Your story makes me wonder if I had some w/d from the codeine. I went off of it c/t  but I can't quite remember when..I think it was a few months before I started tapering the ativan. Once I researched ativan I decided to go off both and thought the codeine would be the easiest. I thought I had no w/d from the codeine, but now I think if I did it was masked by the Ativan I was still taking. Well, it doesn't make any difference. Just makes me so mad that a physician would prescribe both together. 

..I am glad that your anxiety is minimal. Not that mini panics are exactly minimal. At 16 months off you are an encouragement to those of us just wrapping up a year off. ..glad you jumped on this little train of uncertain destination...coop

[[He...]]

Thanks to you all for holding my hand yesterday as I was freaking out!    I slept great last night and woke up to what seems like my normal 95% baseline.  The cloud of fear that was smothering me yesterday is gone. The depression is gone, the anxiety is gone, and all the physical things (vibrations, ect) are gone.  Big sigh of relief!! 

 

I appreciate you guys so much!!

 

I hope you all have a wonderful day today, full of optimism and with ZERO symptoms.  I have a huge project for my masters class that I need to work on, due tomorrow, and a big stack of papers that need graded for work.  I would also like to get our Christmas tree today or tomorrow.  It's a good thing my wave left, or none of these things would get done!

 

HH   

[[mr...]]

Thanks to you all for holding my hand yesterday as I was freaking out!    I slept great last night and woke up to what seems like my normal 95% baseline.  The cloud of fear that was smothering me yesterday is gone. The depression is gone, the anxiety is gone, and all the physical things (vibrations, ect) are gone.  Big sigh of relief!! 

 

I appreciate you guys so much!!

 

I hope you all have a wonderful day today, full of optimism and with ZERO symptoms.  I have a huge project for my masters class that I need to work on, due tomorrow, and a big stack of papers that need graded for work.  I would also like to get our Christmas tree today or tomorrow.  It's a good thing my wave left, or none of these things would get done!

 

HH 

 

Yesssss!! Hoorah buddy!! Awesome news :yippee:

 

Mrs.