12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Green....I love it when I see you here.

....yes, I had a great time with my daughter yesterday...and yes, I am as comfortable as a mom can be with a 22 year old getting married. I think she is too young ( I was 28 before I got married.. ). But she is happy and has been seeing her guy for more than a year...they have weathered some life stuff ( money, school, broken down cars, families etc ) together and I have to say that she is more put together than I was at her age.

...I am sort of back in the drudge of it today.  Like you, nothing like year one....or that last brutal wave I had at the end of Feb.. I seem to have a nagging frustrating pattern of falling into a wave the day after I have tried anything along the lines of re-entry. But I am kind of catching onto that now and am planning some no stress fun things for next week.

  How are you doing this weekend ? ....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, ..Glad to hear that it didn't flare into a full blown migraine. That's one I use too, " if this was a heart attack I would have been dead months ago" . Happy chores...coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-I bought an all natural Migraine Stick at Whole Foods.  It's small stick filled w peppermint and lavender oils.  It has a rollerball and you apply to temples, neck, etc....feels good and easier than ice.

[[be...]]

Hi friends....catching up here. ...

.....MikeJee, thank you for the good wishes. Yes, I had a 5 day window...it was wonderful. Today some sx have returned ( d/r, cog fog and moderate health fear, but still it is nothing like months 6- 12...or the terrible one that hit me at the end of Feb. ...I hate to see my window dim down but I am still very functional ...just terribly removed ...like my body is going through all the motions without my mind being engaged. I know it will clear...

.....Yes, I think waves later in recovery are more difficult because each time we have a window we think, " maybe I am healing...maybe this is my last terrible wave"...only to be slammed again...back to living on the edge of sx again. You sound good....you are going to make it through....coop

 

Coop- You sure are right about the waves being more difficult when you are further out in recovery.

I catch myself saying " I think this will be my last bad wave" every time. I also thought I was done with 're- entry...nope...not yet. Today has been a wavy one with re- entry and going down memory lane. The nerve pain took a back seat while I was 're- entering and then it started it's song and dance.

So happy you had a long five day window..you definitely deserve it. Many more are around the corner waiting for you.

[[Co...]]

Oh, I use lavender essential oil on my temples and on my knotted neck muscles. I do think it helps ...and the lavender in the Epsome salts I use for hot body soaks ( Dr. Teals Epsome salts).

  Let me know if it eases your headache ...I will look for one here. We have Huckleberry's here...kind of like a Whole Foods

....feel better Drew.  .....coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah, I am so sorry that you got hit with some waves after feeling better. It is just disheartening...Do you think that overall you are better in year 2 than year 1? ..

....Thank you so much for posting on the thread . It is so important for us to know how each other is doing.. and support each other...there is so little support for us out in the world.  Wishing you more and more healing.  coop

[[Gr...]]

Nova,

I'm so sorry you are just getting hammered! I am lifting you up in prayer right now. This WILL pass and this active bout of healing will leave you feeling stronger and better than ever. 

 

When my mega wave that lasted for 6+ weeks started lifting, I was quite shell-shocked from it. It took a good month to not be so weary of my own body, constantly scanning and being hyper aware. I understand what you say about the expectation is even wearing you down. That calms down, too.

 

Sending you healing thoughts and prayers, my friend!

 

Yes, Nova, you've had such a hard time, this has to lift soon.  You are in my prayers.

[[Gr...]]

Hello gang

 

Just a brief note to say that I am officially four months benzo free today!

I have updated my progress in my post in the Benzo Free Section of the forum (called "Mrs. has taken her last dose!"), if it can help.

 

I think about you often, and read every day I may "lurk" more than post, but I love being engaged in all of your lives! 

 

Welp, anyways That is all for now - Happy Friday to you all!!

 

Mrs.

 

Happy 4 months off!!!!! 

 

Congrats, Mrs.!

[[Gr...]]

Green....I love it when I see you here.

....yes, I had a great time with my daughter yesterday...and yes, I am as comfortable as a mom can be with a 22 year old getting married. I think she is too young ( I was 28 before I got married.. ). But she is happy and has been seeing her guy for more than a year...they have weathered some life stuff ( money, school, broken down cars, families etc ) together and I have to say that she is more put together than I was at her age.

...I am sort of back in the drudge of it today.  Like you, nothing like year one....or that last brutal wave I had at the end of Feb.. I seem to have a nagging frustrating pattern of falling into a wave the day after I have tried anything along the lines of re-entry. But I am kind of catching onto that now and am planning some no stress fun things for next week.

  How are you doing this weekend ? ....coop

 

Coop, yes, 22 is young, but like everything else, we have to let go and be happy for them.  I always have to remind myself when it comes to my boys, they're not babies anymore, this isn't my story anymore, it's theirs.

 

As you know, I have some wavy stuff going on,  I've got revving, the cement chest, and I can't get a deep breath.  I get anxiety surges, so far no panic attacks.  And sleep is really bad, I'm up until 5 a.m., and not even tired, bug eyed, cortisol surges, I don't even try to sleep, I take the laptop to bed and read or watch an Amazon download.  I was so tired/revved up today, I just mailed the shower gift and cancelled for the baby shower.  And I'm not beating myself up over it.  I felt awful.

 

What am I doing?  I saw a good play tonight, The Events.  Off Broadway, really good.  If I have to live in this godforsaken outpost of the city, at least I can see the shows!  And Sunday I'll make corned beef and cabbage.  Just me and the boys. 

 

Glad your doggie is doing better.  Hope you are, too.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Green,...lol...me too...I have been sleeping with my note 4 and the TV on for months. Like you, I don't worry about it . It's better than lying there with looping thoughts. I eventually just fall asleep . 5/6 hours is about as good as it gets ,sometimes I can go back to sleep. Usually I just get up make my decaf and crawl back into bed for the first hour of Today...I am so lucky that I can go back to bed if I want to...I wouldn't make it if I had to be responsible for anything besides my dog.

....My wave sx are similar to yours. The d/r and cog fog are the worst right now. Some body pain in shoulders and neck ...and always ( unless in a wave) the health fears from mild to miserable.

.....I am glad you ditched the baby shower..this is hard enough without being places we don't want to be. The play sounds great. I can also now sit through a movie. Last year I couldnt. ...Enjoy your cabbage and corned beef with your boys.....coop

[[Ko...]]

Healinghope,

Thanks for sharing what you have gone through.  I can really identify with the mega wave description.

I'm in my 16 month and I know this us the worst wave ever.  I never felt this bad in my first year.

 

A buddy mentioned the book "Recovery & Renewal" by Bliss Johns. I read it last year and decided to read it again because I was looking for help.  I didn't realize it took Bliss 24 months to heal and her worst month were 12 to 18. She also emphasized that nothing can help us but time. She listed some suggestion for distracting yourself, and one unique thought that she believed works: she asks her unconscious mind to do whatever is necessary in order to feel better. It sounds kind of gimmicky, but when you're in terrible pain and can hardly walk, I'm willing to try anything, but Benzos.  The book also renewed my hope, which is the most important thing to make it through recovery.

 

I'm so sorry most of you are suffering as much as me and I hope we begin to feel better soon.

Korbe

[[be...]]

Beulah, I am so sorry that you got hit with some waves after feeling better. It is just disheartening...Do you think that overall you are better in year 2 than year 1? ..

....Thank you so much for posting on the thread . It is so important for us to know how each other is doing.. and support each other...there is so little support for us out in the world.  Wishing you more and more healing.  coop

 

Oh yes, I'm better into my second year. All of my head symptoms are so much improved. It's all of the nerve and body pain that gets me down. I could easily live with the head symptoms if the pain would go away. I still get low grade depression, insomnia, dp and dr, some intrusive thoughts, memory thoughts and smells, head pressure, but all of these are mild. I could easily live with these symptoms if the physical pain would leave. I just have so much neuropathy and pain in my legs and feet that I get very discouraged sometimes. Hoping this second year will be the year for healing of physical pain.

We are all healing...ain't no doubt about that.

I also sleep with my tv on, I set the timer for four hours and I drift off. I need the tv for the distraction and the chatter in my head. I use to not be able to sleep with the tv on....my how things change.

I also use to sleep on my back...I can't now.

I'm accepting that this is all temporary....but then it better move it's happy ass down the road.

 

 

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Thought for today supplied by Beulah ...

 

"I'm accepting that this is all temporary....but then it better move it's happy ass down the road."

 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... such as it is ...

 

So glad all of you are posting about your "stuff" ... helps keep me out of the rabbit hole ...

 

Slept/rested off and on for about 11 hours ... got up stuffy, head pressure, guts and arms firing ... not terrible ... just feels like this constant "ache" ...

 

And there is a snow storm howling outside ...

 

Hope we all have a good Sunday ... 

[[Ko...]]

Beulah

You're right, the first year Sx were different and seem to be gone and now we're left with the  severe body and nerve pain which is very difficult to cope with when one can't take any heavy duty pain meds. Pain does crazy things to ones head.  This too shall pass.

 

Question:  have any of you developed skin lesions.  I have these round red spots of various sizes on my legs. They feel rough and just get really red when my legs are stinging. I've tried all the usual ointments and nothing seems to help. I'm sure they must be caused by WD, but just wondered if any of you had anything similiar.

 

Korbe

[[be...]]

Yes Korbe, I had exactly what you describe a few months ago. I posted about it and someone said to use some coconut oil on it and I did. It took it a few weeks to leave but it finally did.  I thought maybe I was developing eczema or something on my legs and tried many things like you did. I still don't know what it was... but I'm guessing withdrawal.

[Guest [...]]

Drew28,I love your comment,windowland,our version of DisneyLand!Made me laugh!And soooo true!Hey,anybody have horrible heartburn that triggers pain in the back and upper stomach?Is this a common benzo withdrawal symptom?Thanks for the posts everybody,they help so much!Have a good Sunday!

[[Sk...]]

Beulah

You're right, the first year Sx were different and seem to be gone and now we're left with the  severe body and nerve pain which is very difficult to cope with when one can't take any heavy duty pain meds. Pain does crazy things to ones head.  This too shall pass.

 

Question:  have any of you developed skin lesions.  I have these round red spots of various sizes on my legs. They feel rough and just get really red when my legs are stinging. I've tried all the usual ointments and nothing seems to help. I'm sure they must be caused by WD, but just wondered if any of you had anything similiar.

 

Korbe

 

Korbe, your question was for Beulah, but I wanted to ask  you if your lesions are itchy ? MIne come and go, they are terrribly itchy and they get reeally bad. I has some of them also in tolerance. They do go away. I thought I would have the scabs and itching forever, now I know that when a new one comes up it's just that creep of wd, rearing it's ugly head.

 

I should use coconut oil too, good thinking.

 

Yes, month 16 is unpredictably horrible. 

 

[[Sk...]]

Healinghope,

Thanks for sharing what you have gone through. I can really identify with the mega wave description.

I'm in my 16 month and I know this us the worst wave ever.  I never felt this bad in my first year.

 

A buddy mentioned the book "Recovery & Renewal" by Bliss Johns. I read it last year and decided to read it again because I was looking for help.  I didn't realize it took Bliss 24 months to heal and her worst month were 12 to 18. She also emphasized that nothing can help us but time. She listed some suggestion for distracting yourself, and one unique thought that she believed works: she asks her unconscious mind to do whatever is necessary in order to feel better. It sounds kind of gimmicky, but when you're in terrible pain and can hardly walk, I'm willing to try anything, but Benzos.  The book also renewed my hope, which is the most important thing to make it through recovery.

 

I'm so sorry most of you are suffering as much as me and I hope we begin to feel better soon.

Korbe

 

I agree with you Korbe, but I have to say acute was awful, so I would not go as far as to say that year one wasn't as bad.

 

This is from a Pm I sent Green today. This is the perfect recap of yesterday.

 

Yesterday i had a break from vibrations and palps but I was so exhausted by the wave that it was an awful day. I ended up taking it out on mr Sky and I feel awful about that, he cried, and was distressed. He was ready to throw in the towel, I made him  feel that bad. It is hard for us at 16 months but for our family it's even harder, I have to remember that.

 

But I was so furious. I am really fed up.  And yesterday, I was not thinking right, it was all about my being afraid of the wave that was going to come. Afraid and angry, so angry.

 

Mr Sky gave me the most important thing, he believed in my sanity when nobody, just nobody, did. And that has given me the strength to keep on going, ignoring the present, only thinking about how well things were going to be.

 

I was about to write and vent here but when I am feeling upset my writing gets worse, my typing, you know.

 

So today, I am back to my wave and I am under the weather as well. But don't worry, this will pass.

 

Anger is  a symptom . I  mean, we have every reason to be angry but still....

 

Remember when you talked about not being wd's b**ch ? Well, that is how I am feeling now. I want to have my life despite wd, but it's just not happening. Everything is about wd. I am 43 and I am sleeping with  a teddy bear and a baby's night light.

 

Sorry for so much selfish moaning.

 

I know there has been tons of improvement, I really see it. I see my brain is working so much better. But then, the waves send me cowering in  a corner. Mr Sky says these days are almost as bad as acute.

 

Have  a better day everybody.

[[dr...]]

Good posts this am. 

 

I get those damn itchy patches on my calves.  I use a cortisone cream w antifungal prescribed by dermatologist and haven't had any problems. They come and go.

 

Woke up w no headache or stuffy head which has me optomistic.  Just exhausted because sleep was so poor.

 

Funny story-I was so fed up w my head crap and visual auras I made a great dinner and ate blue cheese, cherry pie, ice cream, and had a bit of red wine.  Several of these are migraine triggers yet I feel better than any am in a few weeks.    It's very early and I'm in bed but I hoping head stuff stays at bay.

[[Sk...]]

Good posts this am. 

 

I get those damn itchy patches on my calves.  I use a cortisone cream w antifungal prescribed by dermatologist and haven't had any problems. They come and go.

 

Woke up w no headache or stuffy head which has me optomistic.  Just exhausted because sleep was so poor.

 

Funny story-I was so fed up w my head crap and visual auras I made a great dinner and ate blue cheese, cherry pie, ice cream, and had a bit of red wine.  Several of these are migraine triggers yet I feel better than any am in a few weeks.    It's very early and I'm in bed but I hoping head stuff stays at bay.

 

Drew, you like to live dangerously !

[[dr...]]

Sky-except for a few days here or there I have been very lucky that I've not had depression, rage, etc.. Caused by benzos  I'm overall very happy when not getting hit. 

 

 

[[No...]]

Am I ever glad I do not own a car ... sitting here 12 floors above the mess down there ... got over a foot of blowing drifting snow ... and all those folks, using all that energy to get there cars out ... an interesting distraction this afternoon ...

 

Spending a quiet day with my little corner of stuff ... riding this seemingly endless on again off again wave ... oh well ... at least I don't have to shovel ... 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... regarding coconut oil ... what "type" did you use? ... how was it packaged ... a lotion? ... or just the good off the shelf coconut oil I use for cooking? ...

[[fl...]]

Checking in to say hi.  Sorry that so many are still suffering. 

 

I'm still struggling with "is it just me now?", since all my physical symptoms left long ago, and I'm just dealing with mental stuff, such as fear and dread and nighttime anxiety.  I'd be relieved to know it was still w/d and recovery.

 

Wishing good days to you all as spring approaches.

 

With love,

Floc