12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Sky...I have exactly the same pattern with effortless days...they almost scare me a little because they can be somewhat euphoric....then I wonder if I have a momentary bi'polar thing going on... is there NOTHING that the Benzo beast won't leave alone?....I was so happy to hear that you caught a break and had some real happiness. Now I see that your 'good day' 'bad day'  pattern has returned. ...So sorry Sky...I had one of my worst days last week following an effortless mind day. Then the next day was better again

...hope you got some peaceful sleep...Wishing you a better day tomorrow....coop

[[Co...]]

Garton...wow!!....So so happy for you...You are going to have more turn arounds just like this....it was wonderful to read your post....hoping it holds up for a long g time for you....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, ...it is not you...you are not the one who is destined to be stuck forever...none of us are. I don't have the link regarding the Canadian w/d specialist and can not remember who posted it. ...but, I do know the article rang true when I read it and I believe that 18-24 months is the typical healing timeline. The post quoting Lostdog's story is absolutely a lifeline  to me. I read it a gazillion times today.

  ..I had a terrible long awful wave in month 10/11.  Nothing that bad again until month 16 ( the first 7/8 days of the last 11). ...I hope you get a break tomorrow Drew, ...hold on...better days are coming...even though it seems like forevef. .on the 12 felt like a shift for me. Even though I still had waves and sx I could feel the healing underneath. ..you are going to get there...coop

[[Co...]]

Just a little note of good..

....My window of yesterday afternoon held up through the first half of today. Given that my last good window was just the day before yesterday I am feeling somewhat encouraged. I had about 3 hours of total clarity and effortless mind this morning. It dimmed down a little with d/r and boatyness but no other real sx. Even with the moderate d/r and moderate on again off again  boatyness I felt happy and hopeful and had some energy..  I will take it.

....Wishing everyone a peaceful evening without sx....coop

[[Co...]]

LM,....thank you so much for posting lostdog's story. It is such a light in the dark...I am so sorry to hear of your constant leg pain and weakness. You have such a double whammy with Lyme Disease too. You have my heart LM...I hate it that any of us cry every morning....hearbreaking...sending you hugs and love . coop

[[pe...]]

I just had a consultation with a functional medicine doc around some genetic testing I had done. She knows her stuff and new much about my body just through interpreting my genetic results. I was laughing at all the things she could 'read' in the test. She understands that benzos cause receptor damage and also feels like there are some chronic deficiencies because of how my body works that might help my overall health even if they do nothing for the symptoms caused by benzo withdrawal. I'm open to this approach.

 

BUT she also recommended a test that runs close to $800 that would look at my blood levels of all kinds of things like vitamins and minerals, etc. She  said it's not necessary, but would be helpful in putting together the best plan based on what my body is currently getting/not getting. Is this a waste of time and money at this point? I'd like to believe she can find something that might help a little bit. I tell myself that I know there's nothing to help withdrawal but that maybe it will help my overall health and I'll feel a bit better. What do you think? Is this just wishful thinking? Should I try her basic suggestions without getting the more specific test or just go for it and spend the $800? I think we'd all spend $800 if we could and we thought it might help…I'm just not sure it will be anything besides wasted time, joey and energy.

 

Thanks for reading the ramble and weighing in.

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

Checking in...

 

It's been quite the week. We found a place to rent, at least temporarily. We've packed more than half our house. We'll start moving in to the new place this weekend.

 

I told the tour leader for the East Coast trip what was going on and how I most likely wouldn't be able to go. He wants me to still and I can decide at the last moment depending on circumstances and how I feel. As of now, I am leaning toward not going.

 

My older daughter was in a car accident yesterday. She's bruised and very sore, but she is ok. Her accident happened while she is about 8 hours away and she won't be home until Sunday. The stress of learning about the accident just about threw me over the edge, but I'm hanging in there. All I want to do is give her a big hug and hold on tight....but I have to wait.

 

Through all of this I have been doing really good...well, until news of my daughter. I'm fighting through a wave today. Chest anxiety, exhaustion, head pressure, boatiness, verge of tears. I'm going to take a little nap and get back to the business of moving.

 

One thing I know for sure: I wouldn't have been able to survive this a year ago. Now, I'm uncomfortable right now, but I'm doing what needs to be done without (completely) falling apart.

 

Love to you all. I see there have been waves all over the place. Lots of healing coming our way!

 

HH

 

HH,

 

When it rains, it pours.  Thank God she's okay.  You're dealing with life on life's terms, you're doing it.

[[Gr...]]

My thought for the day....

.....I think year 2 is all about recovering from year one....lol..

                      coop

 

Had to repost this ! 

And when do we get to recover from year two ? It's  no  picnic either !

 

Coop/Sky, I love this, yes, as bad as year two is, I keep thinking how in the world did I ever make it through year one?  OMG, it was so, so bad.  No, year two is no picnic, n picnic.

[[Gr...]]

Hi guys,

 

Approaching the milestone of a year off and praying for some relief soon. 

 

How were you guys at 12 months and have things after a year started to get at all better.

 

Thanks and can't believe I will soon be a member of this club.

 

Chris

 

Satch,

 

12.5 months was a turning point for me, where I was able to manage a lot better, where I truly understood and believed I was going to get better, and the symptoms became more manageable.  The addiction experts all say 12-14 months, a lot of improvement, then again at 18 months, and then it's just a matter of time.  So far this has been my experience. So congrats on the year, and feel better soon!

[[Gr...]]

Hey all, there is something I haven't posted ever that I need to get some advice on.

 

It's all in relation to my job.

 

To make the story short, I work in medicine. 6 years ago, I started with a company that basically ran everyone that worked there dry and made me sick to go into work. I was a heavy drinker and a heavy smoker, and everyday I found myself angry and anxious. I slowly dug myself into a hole I think...

 

In 2012 I had a nervous breakdown and left that job to go to a different organization that actually did value their employees. This job was still very stressful, and the first manager I had caused everyone a lot of grief as well...this is when I was put on the Klonopin. This was the end of 2012. Things progressed (obviously because of the benzos) until withdrawal started at the end of 2013 and I left the company in good terms because I thought I was just stressed. Turned out to be the withdrawal we are all facing now.

 

When I was release from the mental hospital last Feb, I went to an old part time position I had years ago, but it wasn't paying the bills. That's when I did something crazy...

 

I found ANOTHER job...working for the competitor of the company that used me and drove me to drink heavy in 2009. The money is good. Now I know what you are all thinking, "Why would you take a job that stressful when you are trying to heal?" I didn't have a lot of choice. I have to support myself. I have a girlfriend who will soon be my fiancé. I have to eat.

 

But this job, I found out yesterday after the 9 months I've been there, is just as bad as it was at the old company in 2009. We have 50% of the staff we should, our manager has no idea what she is doing and plays favorites, and everyone that is your friend is even at each other's throats. My thoughts of suicide are every high. The anxiety is making me vomit this morning. I'm depressed (so is my girlfriend because she's stressed at work too, we both had a good cry last night). Even when I get a window, I cannot enjoy it. I find I am having like PTSD. Everything that was happening at the old clinic is happening now. And I'm terrified I'm gonna relapse.

 

If you guys could pray(if you do), hope, and even give me some really good advice, I could use it. I'm scared and getting lots of horrible thoughts. I love all you guys and you are a huge blessing.

 

Philip

 

There's an old Irish saying, when you're worried about your potatoes, pray for rain, but buy a hoe.  I mangled it, something like that.  anyway, there's a really good book called "Who's Pulling Your Strings," by Harriet Braiker.  How to manage manipulative, mean people in the work place.  Other than quitting, I don't know what else to say.  Good luck.

[[Gr...]]

Good morning 12-18 buds...

.....I am cautiously feeling that my wave might be lighter today.  and I hope everyone else is going to have an easier day too. I just have a generic question. ...Is anyone else getting upper arm muscle aches that are bothersome. Both of mine are bothering me. It triggers my health fear ( what does'nt )... just looking for a little sx comparison while I am still rational this morning...thanks you guys for always being there...

.....Drew and Nova...I truly hope you are waking up to easier days today....Drew...Happy massage.....coop

 

Coop, my sista, are we ever on the same symptom page.  Okay, upper arm/shoulder muscle pain that radiates into the chest?  And in addition to the muscle pain, there's little sharp knifelike stabbing pain going on in the shoulder?  yes, yes, and yes again. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ... just got back from another trip ... 36 hours or so in "Symptom Land" ... all expenses paid ... saw most of the sights ... 

 

When things get this "engaged" for me I need to pause as much "input/output" as I can and just "Be" where I am ...

 

This has become a "routine" for me of late ... and being aware and confident now that "I am safe" seems to give me the "permission" I needed to just "let it be" ...

 

And ... it would be so much more supportive to have a "local community" to be connected to while going through these processes ... alas, around this area that is not to be ... so I work "alone" ...

 

When I can, I try to stay connected to BB ... and when I need to release that connection for a while you all know "where I am" ... and that is precious to me ...

 

For me, this has been a long, long wave since last Fall ... a few breaks here and there ... and still very "engaged" ... and we all, in our own unique ways get through this stuff ... that is the wonder of this process ... there is a beginning, lots of in the middle, and a completion to this process ... we have found what we need to do, are doing it, and coming out the other side ...

 

It is so very special to be connected to all of you here on BB ... your stories and encouragement nourish me ...

 

Bless us all ... 

 

Nova,

 

You are going to come through this, you are going to feel better, all the time, be healed.  This is going to be so worth it!  There's a reason those success stories sound like reaching the land of milk and honey!  Because this process is transformative.  some people's lives change.  some people's lives are okay, don't need to change, and they just get better and start to enjoy living in a way they never have before.  It's happening.  And even though when I told Sky "by spring we will be better," she said, "you said that last year!" this year it's happening! By spring we will all be better!

[[Gr...]]

Hi 12-18 ....it's quiet here tonight. I hope it means everyone is having a better day. .. I think my wave is lifting. ( as sure as I say that it will come back) I had pretty thick d/r and boatyness all day ...and then this afternoon it just quit.  like some one threw a switch. Leaving me with only a slight headache and residual health fear that is pretty minimal right now....hoping it holds...

....How are you doing Nova? .  Sleep well Sky. Drew and Lisa I hope you are both feeling better.

      Wishing all of us a peaceful restful night...we al need one.  coop

 

Yes, Coop, the DR comes and goes.  It seems when it goes, I get the cortisol revs.  Also have that difficulty breathing that Jenny had?  It feels like the lungs can't absorb enough air?  I mean I'm getting enough, it just feels that way.

[[Gr...]]

I just had a consultation with a functional medicine doc around some genetic testing I had done. She knows her stuff and new much about my body just through interpreting my genetic results. I was laughing at all the things she could 'read' in the test. She understands that benzos cause receptor damage and also feels like there are some chronic deficiencies because of how my body works that might help my overall health even if they do nothing for the symptoms caused by benzo withdrawal. I'm open to this approach.

 

BUT she also recommended a test that runs close to $800 that would look at my blood levels of all kinds of things like vitamins and minerals, etc. She  said it's not necessary, but would be helpful in putting together the best plan based on what my body is currently getting/not getting. Is this a waste of time and money at this point? I'd like to believe she can find something that might help a little bit. I tell myself that I know there's nothing to help withdrawal but that maybe it will help my overall health and I'll feel a bit better. What do you think? Is this just wishful thinking? Should I try her basic suggestions without getting the more specific test or just go for it and spend the $800? I think we'd all spend $800 if we could and we thought it might help…I'm just not sure it will be anything besides wasted time, joey and energy.

 

Thanks for reading the ramble and weighing in.

Peace2

 

Peace,

 

I would not take any supplements to treat anything in withdrawal.  But that's me, everybody is different.  And I would not get diagnostic blood work done right now (unless I had to for medical reasons.  I had a physical before this started, and I was fine.)  I would not get the blood work done now because even if there's something a little off, it will correct itself as I heal.  Why make it harder for your body to sort everything out, by adding supplements?  That's how I think.  As I said, we're all different.  Why not take that 800 and do something fun with it?  Something that might really make you feel better?

 

[[Lo...]]

I just had a consultation with a functional medicine doc around some genetic testing I had done. She knows her stuff and new much about my body just through interpreting my genetic results. I was laughing at all the things she could 'read' in the test. She understands that benzos cause receptor damage and also feels like there are some chronic deficiencies because of how my body works that might help my overall health even if they do nothing for the symptoms caused by benzo withdrawal. I'm open to this approach.

 

BUT she also recommended a test that runs close to $800 that would look at my blood levels of all kinds of things like vitamins and minerals, etc. She  said it's not necessary, but would be helpful in putting together the best plan based on what my body is currently getting/not getting. Is this a waste of time and money at this point? I'd like to believe she can find something that might help a little bit. I tell myself that I know there's nothing to help withdrawal but that maybe it will help my overall health and I'll feel a bit better. What do you think? Is this just wishful thinking? Should I try her basic suggestions without getting the more specific test or just go for it and spend the $800? I think we'd all spend $800 if we could and we thought it might help…I'm just not sure it will be anything besides wasted time, joey and energy.

 

Thanks for reading the ramble and weighing in.

Peace2

 

Peace,

 

I would not take any supplements to treat anything in withdrawal.  But that's me, everybody is different.  And I would not get diagnostic blood work done right now (unless I had to for medical reasons.  I had a physical before this started, and I was fine.)  I would not get the blood work done now because even if there's something a little off, it will correct itself as I heal.  Why make it harder for your body to sort everything out, by adding supplements?  That's how I think.  As I said, we're all different.  Why not take that 800 and do something fun with it?  Something that might really make you feel better?

 

I'm on supplements, various ones. I had to cut back once I jumped but I have found some that have seriously helped me. I've also done blood work. But I'm a rare case...I have Lyme Disease.

 

Funny thing is my numbers have improved and I did get my vitamin/mineral levels checked last year (I do that annually). The B levels were deficient...but my doctor told me benzos rob the body of B's.

 

However I can't take my B vitamins yet (they made me dizzy after I jumped) so I substitute those and others with food that is rich with them.

 

Everyone is different, but I'm finding things like Vitamin C powder, Magnesium powder, garlic pills, Lysine, Ashwagandha powder, D3 and Molybdenum (I was deficient in Molybdenum and Vitamin D) helpful.

 

But again I was on most of these pre benzos due to Lyme (accept for Lysine) that is newly added.

 

I'm going try my DHEA/EPA capsule again.

 

I have a great (affordable nutritionist/herbalist) that knows Lyme AND benzo w/d very well. I truly lucked out. She really has helped me diet wise so I can get a lot of vitamins and minerals into by body and its worked.

 

Some people can't take supplements...to each its own.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[[Gr...]]

I just had a consultation with a functional medicine doc around some genetic testing I had done. She knows her stuff and new much about my body just through interpreting my genetic results. I was laughing at all the things she could 'read' in the test. She understands that benzos cause receptor damage and also feels like there are some chronic deficiencies because of how my body works that might help my overall health even if they do nothing for the symptoms caused by benzo withdrawal. I'm open to this approach.

 

BUT she also recommended a test that runs close to $800 that would look at my blood levels of all kinds of things like vitamins and minerals, etc. She  said it's not necessary, but would be helpful in putting together the best plan based on what my body is currently getting/not getting. Is this a waste of time and money at this point? I'd like to believe she can find something that might help a little bit. I tell myself that I know there's nothing to help withdrawal but that maybe it will help my overall health and I'll feel a bit better. What do you think? Is this just wishful thinking? Should I try her basic suggestions without getting the more specific test or just go for it and spend the $800? I think we'd all spend $800 if we could and we thought it might help…I'm just not sure it will be anything besides wasted time, joey and energy.

 

Thanks for reading the ramble and weighing in.

Peace2

 

Peace,

 

I would not take any supplements to treat anything in withdrawal.  But that's me, everybody is different.  And I would not get diagnostic blood work done right now (unless I had to for medical reasons.  I had a physical before this started, and I was fine.)  I would not get the blood work done now because even if there's something a little off, it will correct itself as I heal.  Why make it harder for your body to sort everything out, by adding supplements?  That's how I think.  As I said, we're all different.  Why not take that 800 and do something fun with it?  Something that might really make you feel better?

 

I'm on supplements, various ones. I had to cut back once I jumped but I have found some that have seriously helped me. I've also done blood work. But I'm a rare case...I have Lyme Disease.

 

Funny thing is my numbers have improved and I did get my vitamin/mineral levels checked last year (I do that annually). The B levels were deficient...but my doctor told me benzos rob the body of B's.

 

However I can't take my B vitamins yet (they made me dizzy after I jumped) so I substitute those and others with food that is rich with them.

 

Everyone is different, but I'm finding things like Vitamin C powder, Magnesium powder, garlic pills, Lysine, Ashwagandha powder, D3 and Molybdenum (I was deficient in Molybdenum and Vitamin D) helpful.

 

But again I was on most of these pre benzos due to Lyme (accept for Lysine) that is newly added.

 

I'm going try my DHEA/EPA capsule again.

 

I have a great (affordable nutritionist/herbalist) that knows Lyme AND benzo w/d very well. I truly lucked out. She really has helped me diet wise so I can get a lot of vitamins and minerals into by body and its worked.

 

Some people can't take supplements...to each its own.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

LM, you reminded me, I do take magnesium, at night.  yes, this is so very individual.  I used to take lots of supplements and found them helpful.  in withdrawal I couldn't take so much as a fish oil cap.  way too much nausea, and everything else.  so, yes, everybody is different.

[[ro...]]

I used to take supplements but they all turned on me soon after I thought I found relief. I actually had one trigger a seizure about 2.5 months after my last dose and recently (after being off for a year) I tried one that threw me into a whirlwind of WORSE benzo hell after one capsule. Gotta be very careful and research these things first, but then again, it's all trial and error isn't it?

[[mi...]]

Hi Drew......

 

I saw that you were looking for this letter......I remembered I had posted it in the (reassurances from professionals that we will heal) thread.....In that thread there are a lot of great reassurances for recovery....I hope this helps....

 

Hi coop.....I was checking to see how you are doing......glad to see you are having some great days......Take care.....minnie

 

This is from Dr. Meliemis in Canada who specializes in this field

 

"Post-acute withdrawal usually lasts for 2 years. This is one of the most important things you need to remember. If you are up to the challenge you can get through this. But if you think that post acute withdrawal will only last a few mos., then you will get caught off guard....

 

How to survive Post Acute Withdrawal

 

Be patient. Two years can feel like a long time if you are in a rush to get through it. You cant hurry recovery. But you can get through it one day at a time.

If you try to rush your recovery, or resent post-acute withdrawal, or try to bulldoze your way through, you will become exhausted.

 

Post-acute withdrawal symptoms are a sign that your brain IS recovering. They are the result of your brain chemistry gradually going back to normal, Therefor dont resent them, But remember, even one year, you may only be halfway there.

 

Go with the flow. Withdrawal symptoms are uncomfortable. But the more you resent them the worse they will seem. you will have lots of good days over the next two years. Enjoy them. You will also have alot of bad days. On those days,dont try to do to much. Take care of yourself,focus on your recovery,and you will get through this.

 

You will go through days or weeks without symptoms and then one day you will wake up and your withdrawal will hit you like a ton of bricks...if you are not prepared for it, if you think post-acute withdrawal only lasts a few mos., or if you think that you will be different and it will not be as bad for you , then you will get caught off guard. But if you know what to expect you can do this.

 

Practice self care. Give yourself lots of little breaks over the next two years. Tell yourself "what I am going through is enough". Be good to yourself. That is what you MUST learn in recovery.

Sometimes you will have little energy or enthusiasm for anything. Understand this and do not overbook your life. Give yourself permission to focus on your recovery.".....

 

Another good reassurance that all of this is normal and that we will all heal....

 

Take care of yourselves everyone.....Minnie......

 

 

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Hi Drew......

 

I saw that you were looking for this letter......I remembered I had posted it in the (reassurances from professionals that we will heal) thread.....In that thread there are a lot of great reassurances for recovery....I hope this helps....

 

Hi coop.....I was checking to see how you are doing......glad to see you are having some great days......Take care.....minnie

 

This is from Dr. Meliemis in Canada who specializes in this field

 

"Post-acute withdrawal usually lasts for 2 years. This is one of the most important things you need to remember. If you are up to the challenge you can get through this. But if you think that post acute withdrawal will only last a few mos., then you will get caught off guard....

 

How to survive Post Acute Withdrawal

 

Be patient. Two years can feel like a long time if you are in a rush to get through it. You cant hurry recovery. But you can get through it one day at a time.

If you try to rush your recovery, or resent post-acute withdrawal, or try to bulldoze your way through, you will become exhausted.

 

Post-acute withdrawal symptoms are a sign that your brain IS recovering. They are the result of your brain chemistry gradually going back to normal, Therefor dont resent them, But remember, even one year, you may only be halfway there.

 

Go with the flow. Withdrawal symptoms are uncomfortable. But the more you resent them the worse they will seem. you will have lots of good days over the next two years. Enjoy them. You will also have alot of bad days. On those days,dont try to do to much. Take care of yourself,focus on your recovery,and you will get through this.

 

You will go through days or weeks without symptoms and then one day you will wake up and your withdrawal will hit you like a ton of bricks...if you are not prepared for it, if you think post-acute withdrawal only lasts a few mos., or if you think that you will be different and it will not be as bad for you , then you will get caught off guard. But if you know what to expect you can do this.

 

Practice self care. Give yourself lots of little breaks over the next two years. Tell yourself "what I am going through is enough". Be good to yourself. That is what you MUST learn in recovery.

Sometimes you will have little energy or enthusiasm for anything. Understand this and do not overbook your life. Give yourself permission to focus on your recovery.".....

 

Another good reassurance that all of this is normal and that we will all heal....

 

Take care of yourselves everyone.....Minnie......

 

Thank you for this Minnie :-)

[[dr...]]

Thx Minnie!  I printed it out.  I also printed Norths success story.  He suffered from anxiety befor and came off K.  It is from 2012 but a goodie!

 

The only thing I disagree with is that the bad waves only last a few days  

[[Lo...]]

Thx Minnie!  I printed it out.  I also printed Norths success story.  He suffered from anxiety befor and came off K.  It is from 2012 but a goodie!

 

The only thing I disagree with is that the bad waves only last a few days

 

Could you give me the link to North's success story?

 

A few days...I wish!

[[dr...]]

ooh...I have a good idea...I am going to show that 2 year thingy by canadian doc to GF but I am going to say my therapist gave it to me.  If it is from a "professional" she may be moe open to reading it.  It's not that she is against me, but you all know how tiring this can be from for a spouse.  This way she won't give me those "looks" when I just want to lay in bed, not eat out, or say I need a Drew day, etc....  

[[dr...]]

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=65626.msg877516#msg877516

[[dr...]]

I took a unisom and slept five straight hours last night.  This morning I woke with the anxiety stuff but I feel a very very small shift.  I was able to replace any anxious thought(there were hundreds) with the mantra "I feel good and I am healing, I am healthy and I am healing".  I must have repeated it in my head and outloud 1000 times by 10am but it crowded out any thought that came to me.  Yesterday I couldn't even do this.  I have all the symptoms of yesterday but whenever my brain wants me to pay attention to one of them I just repeat.  Hoping this is sign my brain is settling down.  fingers crossed.   

[[Lo...]]

I took a unisom and slept five straight hours last night.  This morning I woke with the anxiety stuff but I feel a very very small shift.  I was able to replace any anxious thought(there were hundreds) with the mantra "I feel good and I am healing, I am healthy and I am healing".  I must have repeated it in my head and outloud 1000 times by 10am but it crowded out any thought that came to me.  Yesterday I couldn't even do this.  I have all the symptoms of yesterday but whenever my brain wants me to pay attention to one of them I just repeat.  Hoping this is sign my brain is settling down.  fingers crossed. 

 

Praying this is the shift too Drew and thanks for finding North's post! Awesome!