12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Well .. no sleep ... so up and at 'em ... just can't find the "'em" right now ... 

[[fi...]]

I'm so sorry Nova :'(

 

Any possibly of getting some rest during the day today? Praying for you!

[[fi...]]

Hey all, there is something I haven't posted ever that I need to get some advice on.

 

It's all in relation to my job.

 

To make the story short, I work in medicine. 6 years ago, I started with a company that basically ran everyone that worked there dry and made me sick to go into work. I was a heavy drinker and a heavy smoker, and everyday I found myself angry and anxious. I slowly dug myself into a hole I think...

 

In 2012 I had a nervous breakdown and left that job to go to a different organization that actually did value their employees. This job was still very stressful, and the first manager I had caused everyone a lot of grief as well...this is when I was put on the Klonopin. This was the end of 2012. Things progressed (obviously because of the benzos) until withdrawal started at the end of 2013 and I left the company in good terms because I thought I was just stressed. Turned out to be the withdrawal we are all facing now.

 

When I was release from the mental hospital last Feb, I went to an old part time position I had years ago, but it wasn't paying the bills. That's when I did something crazy...

 

I found ANOTHER job...working for the competitor of the company that used me and drove me to drink heavy in 2009. The money is good. Now I know what you are all thinking, "Why would you take a job that stressful when you are trying to heal?" I didn't have a lot of choice. I have to support myself. I have a girlfriend who will soon be my fiancé. I have to eat.

 

But this job, I found out yesterday after the 9 months I've been there, is just as bad as it was at the old company in 2009. We have 50% of the staff we should, our manager has no idea what she is doing and plays favorites, and everyone that is your friend is even at each other's throats. My thoughts of suicide are every high. The anxiety is making me vomit this morning. I'm depressed (so is my girlfriend because she's stressed at work too, we both had a good cry last night). Even when I get a window, I cannot enjoy it. I find I am having like PTSD. Everything that was happening at the old clinic is happening now. And I'm terrified I'm gonna relapse.

 

If you guys could pray(if you do), hope, and even give me some really good advice, I could use it. I'm scared and getting lots of horrible thoughts. I love all you guys and you are a huge blessing.

 

Philip

[[Co...]]

Hey Nova,...I hope you were able to get a little more rest. Our days are a little kinder to us when we can sleep. ..This has been a whammy of a wave. ..We are worn down by the months of being out to sea on the waves. ...I slept better but haven't quite figured out what time it really is because of daylight savings time ( why do we mess around with nature)

......I feel like my wave is trying to lift a little but I don't trust it. This one felt like acute and battered me up...reading a lot of success stories last night....I was feeling good before this wave and feel set back. We have been here before .  Things always get better....Nova, ...I am thinking of you and wishing you some rest and a decent sunbreak.  Boy, this stuff is not for the faint of heart...love to you Nova....coop

 

 

[[Co...]]

Filmcritic,....There are several on the thread who have worked through thier w/d...I don't know how they manage it..they are saints in my opinion. I am retired so I don't have the added difficulty of working and w/ding at the same time.

.....I don't live in your shoes , but my thought for you is to do whatever you have to do to make it through w/d without relapse. Even if you had to find less stressful work until you are healed. I think it is vital to take god care of ourselves...this is hard enough without a ton of external stress.

....I hope you feel better Critic..you have come a long way...keep it going  and make your life as stress free as possible....coop

[[Co...]]

Good morning 12-18 buds...

.....I am cautiously feeling that my wave might be lighter today.  and I hope everyone else is going to have an easier day too. I just have a generic question. ...Is anyone else getting upper arm muscle aches that are bothersome. Both of mine are bothering me. It triggers my health fear ( what does'nt )... just looking for a little sx comparison while I am still rational this morning...thanks you guys for always being there...

.....Drew and Nova...I truly hope you are waking up to easier days today....Drew...Happy massage.....coop

[[ga...]]

Coop...glad to hear today is somewhat better for you.

 

Nova....I am rooting for you.  You will find a way  through this as you always have.  Your attitude is what allows you to do this.  You are an inspiration for others here.

 

Filmcritic....I am sorry to here of the challenges you are having to endure.  As others have said it may be time to take a break and find a less stressful job for awhile.  High stress levels at work while going through w/d is VERY difficult to endure.  I have had the type of thoughts you are having.  GO at it one day at a time, one moment at a time.  You will get through.

 

I managed to get another descent nights sleep and it is amazing how it improves your general overall feeling of well being.  I t is one day at a time and so glad to be getting a bit of a break.

 

Go out there and make it a good day...and if you are struggling remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS!  We all have proven that over and over again.

[[fi...]]

Had breakfast with my father this morning. He really made me feel better. He encouraged me to just start moving forward to something new. I have Monday off, so i'm going to make a few steps to find something better or at least update my resume.

 

Nova, I'm so sorry again that you did not get a good night sleep, I wish you good rest soon. Have you tried chamomile tea? It helps me )

 

Coop, I am happy to hear that your wave is improving and things are feeling a bit better for you today. I have been having muscle pain too. I workout a lot and am used to soreness, but this different than that. I'm in the same boat but in my back. My headache have been absolutely awful.

 

Garton, awesome that you got a full night sleep )

 

Thank you all for the advice.

 

Film

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... slept maybe another 45 minutes or so a while ago ... sorry, I am really out of it right now ... this one has not bottomed out yet ... later ...

[[Co...]]

Thinking of you Nova.  We are all supporting you and loving you through this one...if I could give you half of my 'better' I surely would... .coop

[[dr...]]

Morning all..

 

Nova, coop, n mrs....thx for kind words last night. It was a doozy.

 

Film-I've worked my whole taper  in a high stress job but I've learned how to take care of myself. I now arrive by 8, work in a light exercise or meditation at lunch, and am out the door by 3:15. My health comes first. It's been a challenge and a blessing. People speak of re entry into the daily activities as before.  I've got that part down but unsure if it hindered my recovery with all the added stress and pushing my limits I have to do.  It is what it is as I know I go crazy in my house. 

 

Coop-my pain is more shoulder chest area.  Especially my left upper chest front shoulder area.  It's pretty much a constant. It's very common in withdrawal and moves around. 

 

I had an old symptom return last night which scared the hell out of me again.  My thighs felt like they had ten pound weights tied to them and felt like I had a roller pin going over them all night.  Ugh!  I had health anxiety about not being able to walk...well...you all know what happens to our brain in a wave :crazy:If totally forgot about this symptom which was one of my most bothersome during my whole taper.  How did I forget that?  Guess that's a good sign.  Feels like I jogged a marathon but at least the panic and anxiety are at bay right now.

 

This bs journey never ceases to amaz me in a bad way.  This symptom returning after ten months?  Baylissa did write her earliest symptoms came back in one final big wave. Hoping but not expecting this is my last really big wave. Regardless,hope my baseline will be much higher upon exiting this wave. 

 

Drew

 

[[Co...]]

...well,...my horrible terrible awful 7 day wave lifted...

.Unbelievable effortless mind day...so scary wierd because it's somewhat euphoric ( hopefully out of relief and happiness and not some bi-polar disorder)...This is quite possibly the best day I have had in 2 years.  Truly a ' smiling at the dog' kind of day.  My grandsons are coming for dinner tonight and I am completely engaged and connected to my feelings of being happy to prepare some of thier favorite things and spend the evening with them

....I won't be on the thread this afternoon....I am off to enjoy every second of this day. I posted in my 'Looking through the Windows.....' journal....I would give anything to have the kind of super powers necessary to bring effortless mind days to every one of you.. my dear friends... coop

[[dr...]]

Coop...be gone...hope you never return in a good way!!!  :smitten:

 

 

[[63...]]

Drew...

 

So sorry that you are having such a difficult time...hang in there, a lot of healing is going on! My month 10 was a doozy! 

[[fi...]]

Drew, thank you. Yeah you know the pain. Lol no relaxing thought about the job and how awful it feels. I work hard as I'm sure you do. I just feel so trapped.

 

Coop, someday I hope to have grandkids myself! So amazing that you are feeling 100%!

[[je...]]

Coop! So happy for you! I hope you are enjoying your day to its fullest

[[je...]]

Guys, I don't know what to do with myself today.. I'm filled with so much anxiety that I can't focus on anything else. Distraction isn't helping and I'm on the verge of a big panic attack. Any advice ?

[[He...]]

Coop, how wonderful!! Enjoy! It's the start of MANY! 

 

Nova, lifting you up in thoughts and prayer. Lots of healing going on. You'll get through this...you always do. You are very, very strong...even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

Filmcritic, it's nice to meet you! Welcome to the thread.

 

Drew, sorry you have been in a wave. My health anxiety always is either I'm going to die, or I'm going to get so bad I'm bedridden. Thankfully neither have happened and my health anxiety is calming down significantly. It's rearing its ugly head a bit today, but so far it's not the 5-alarm variety it used to be. You'll get through this and come out better on the other side. Btw, I get the heavy thigh, rolling thing, too...what IS that??

 

Hi Everyone!

Just checking in. I'm in a wave, but it's not very bad. Just the usual chest tightness/heaviness, some boatiness, off and on head pressure, waking up at 5:00 with a small cortisol rush. I'm actually pretty pleased to have a manageable wave with all of the stress and emotional angst I'm under! We have over 3/4 of our house moved over to the new place and I am exhausted and overwhelmed. BUT it's getting done. Yesterday I cried a whole lot, but today I'm doing better. This is going to be a fresh start. I was very benzo-sick in this house, though I didn't even know it at the time. I wish our whole life wasn't turned upside down with debt and losing our house, but any time you remodel you must tear down first. I'm looking forward to what good things are in store as we put things back together!

Love to you all! Back to moving...

HH

[[He...]]

Jenny,

Can you go out for a walk? Also, have you tried taking a large dose of vitamin C? These two things would help control my anxiety when it was raging.

 

Big hugs!! You'll get through this. It'll pass.

 

Saying a prayer for you right now.

HH

[[je...]]

HH- thank you! I will try both of those things. I can't believe I'm getting hit with so much anxiety after being relatively free from it for so long. You sound really good considering all your dealing with right now, and I agree a fresh start for you will actually be a good thing. Thanks for the prayers, jenny

[[pe...]]

Coop!!! Congratulations on your great day. Amazing.

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

Here's an article my sister sent me about TBI. I find lots of similarities in our symptoms.

 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6800984

 

Love,

Peace 2

[[dr...]]

HH-I think the move will be good for you once done. I too moved in the throws of this crap.  I was happy pto leave that place although I didn't realize it at the time. The new home was a fresh start from so much suffering.  It was like a new chapter was ready to be written in my life.  So far it's just been the prologue of suffering though

 

Jenny-on the days I can't beat it w all the usual methods I get in bed or as comfy as I can and accept tomorrow or later in the day will be different.

 

on way to massage I got hit w sinus crap pressure which tried bringing on full panic. I was driving and just let it pass through me and it was completely out of system in about thirty minutes. Five were very bad but I knew not to fear. 

Massage was wonderful yet painful. She spent twenty min on one thigh just digging in. Oh how that hurt but the heaviness is gone.  Soon to be replaced by some other weird shit. I noticed my chest tightness is gone today. First time in months. Who can figure out this merry go round.  All I know right now my anxiety is low and health fears are in background.  I know I'm one bad symptom from health anxiety but I'll take any down period I can get. 

 

Sitting in backyard w cat at my bare feet and c of coffee. It's 77 here today and had the top down on my car.  Grilling grass fed ribeye for dinner. Hope all you frozen tundra peeps get a break. 

[[ga...]]

Coop...great to hear your doing well today....hoping it continues.  I am right there with you enjoying the last two days with better sleep.  Amazing how the depression and negative thoughts abate after a few hours of good sleep.

 

Drew...the rib eye sounds great.  Enjoy!

[[He...]]

Gah!!! It's the chest pressure and pain that I hate THE WORST! It makes all my health anxieties flare up.  I keep getting these flicks of pain and squeezes in random places around my chest, tonight it's been all up by my right arm pit, but to the front. I'm sure it's because of the increased physical activity with moving, but arghh!!!

 

Any one have any suggestions for helping? When I'm really feeling the pressure my cartilage in my rib cage just crackles and pops like I'm a 95 year old woman! I'm wondering if omega-3s might help?

 

The squeezing must be all the same thing that many of us seem to get....whether it's in our heads, chest, or other body part. I wonder what causes it? Maybe nerves regenerating? Anyway, it sucks. I'm ready for any and ALL pressure to GO AWAY for us all!! 

 

Sorry. Just a rant.