12-18 month support

[[sa...]]

Hi guys,

 

Approaching the milestone of a year off and praying for some relief soon. 

 

How were you guys at 12 months and have things after a year started to get at all better.

 

Thanks and can't believe I will soon be a member of this club.

 

Chris

[[No...]]

Drew ... many of us get scared ... and we wish we didn't ... you are okay ... this one will pass like all the others ...

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... seems I have the Friday night woollies too ... revving most of the day and now the head pressure has gone through the roof ... can't sleep ... so I will spend some time with a nice bunch of folks ...

[[No...]]

Satch ... things are getting better and I am still healing ... gonna be a while ... I just get through one day at a time ...

[[dr...]]

Thx nova...just eating some soup.  So out of sorts today that I forgot to eat for almost 7 hours.  Panic rush passing but oh how this sucks.

[[No...]]

Drew ... yep, this sucks ... and nothing I have found makes it not suck ...

 

We endure ... with whatever dignity we can muster in the moment ... we know we are safe and this one will pass ...

[[dr...]]

It is just amazing that after a two year taper how one can feel so bad with this crazy fear and irrational thoughts.  Typing this stuff out helps calm me. 

[[No...]]

Drew ... I am going to be around for a while ... got two hours sleep and got woken up again with the jolts and vibrations ... and the head pressure showed up again ...

 

Yes, sometimes just getting this experience out there gives some reassurance ... for me the physical stuff drives the fear ...

[[dr...]]

Sorry you got a shit night too.  Yeah...the physical crap starts the other crap cascading. 

[[Co...]]

Drew and Nova,.  Boy this is one contagious wave. Drew.. I am right there with you with the health fear...Nova, my head pressure and d/r have been constant all day.  I haven't had a wave like this for a very long time. ...Drew it will wind down and hopefully with the help of the massage that you had earlier you will be able to sleep. You are going to be ok Drew...and Nova and I will be too. I really don't know how any of us do this. I have wanted to give up so many times.

....Nova.. lord have mercy.  This has to end....It will end. What did you do today to manage?.....None of my stand by helps helped much today. ..but here I am at the end of the day still alive in spite of the fact that I spent most of the day afraid that I was dying. Lol. ..How can we be so afraid when we know in our minds that we are not....oh, yeah....benzo w/d.

....well.  tomorrow is another day..I hope it's a better one for all of us.. Does this feel exactly like early acute again ...for me.. yes. ...I am sure that I will be up tonight if anyone comes back on the thread, but I hope everyone is going to have some peaceful sleep.  coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, typing away helps me too, I found out early on that I couldn't focus on typing and fear at the same time . In early acute I would spend the whole day on BBs .. and then be back in the middle of the night...like you , my physical sx have a dance marathon with my health fears.

.....so glad I never have to do this again...I hope you rest tonight Drew..  coop

 

[[No...]]

Coop and Drew ... just stayed mindlessly quiet all day ... background music and mindless stuff on the computer ... does not make anything go away ... just lets time pass without my going down the rabbit hole ... and the stuff just swirls around in the background ...

 

Probably won't be back asleep for a while ... had my two hours ...

[[dr...]]

I have my massage tomorrow. 

 

I was just talking w my parents and mentioned I wouldn't mind if I went to bed and didn't wake up.  I didn't mean t literally it's just so tortuous when the mental crap of the benzo beast kicks in. I'm all alone tonight so I'll be here. 

[[dr...]]

Yes...must pull myself out of rabbit hole. Felt better after talking w my dad. He said even in this wave I sound much better than six months ago. We always don't see how far we've all come especially when we are in a wave.

[[mr...]]

Drew, no worries. Days, and dumb thoughts, like that happen. When they get reDONKulous, its like - whatEV. For real, right? Sometimes those thoughts can be so laughable. Wanna hear my "stupid benzo brain" moment today? We're hanging with friends, and we were watching some "fail" videos on YouTube. A guy decides to have a buddy pierce his ear with a blow dart. (Yep, you read that right.) Mo' to the 'ron!! Anyways, they (of course) miss, and the dart like halfway pierces his cartilage and other parts of his ear. Mrs = a mini panic My brain asks: "what if this happened to you?" Really? Yeah. Like I would ever even ask a buddy to pierce my ear with a blow dart...

 

Can't make this stuff up! It will pass. And soon, it will be gone for GOOD You doing better now? Here's hoping I'm chowing some ice cream, in honor of ya tonight (you know, any excuse to eat a bowl of ice cream... )

 

Take it easy, bro Get around to feeling better soon, eh?

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Drew ... we are getting better ... just that we don't see it often enough ... this is where the reassurance of other(s) helps me a lot ...

 

When you spend so long in the toilet you end up thinking you are part of the bowl ...

[[Co...]]

Drew, ...we f  all had momentary thoughts of, ' even death would not be this hard"...we don't mean it literally it just gives us expression of how awful this is. You are gong to have windows again Drew.. .you just can't believe that right now. You have had some good windows...I think that is predictive of better days coming back. ...some sleep willny help if you can get any.  ..coop

[[dr...]]

 

 

When you spend so long in the toilet you end up thinking you are part of the bowl ...

 

 

The smartest thing you've ever typed

 

Watching mindless sports on TV. Passing the time until I can go to bed.  This board is a life saver as you all understand.  This will pass. This can change on a dime.

[[No...]]

Drew ... hmmm ... I suppose that is reassurance, of a sort ... 

 

For me, the biggest "boost" I am getting these last months is not going down that rabbit hole I went down in the throes of acute this time last year ... and I have a lot of experience and reassurance under my belt since then ... just knowing all I have to do is wait this one out ... that will get me through ...

 

For me, in an odd sort of way, all the physical stuff and all the fear is just a "side show" ... real and dynamic and not pleasant in the moment ... what is most real is knowing, believing that I will heal ... just have to hang out with this stuff a while longer ...

[[Co...]]

Drew.....it will.    Mindless tv gets me through tough nights, but I never want to see another episode of Fraiser or Friends.....

[[mr...]]

Drew.....it will.    Mindless tv gets me through tough nights, but I never want to see another episode of Fraiser or Friends.....

 

Truth, sista.

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Hi mrs!      It's funny.  I am worrying about my legs because they hurt and I just realized my legs used to ALWAYS feel this way. I forgot how bad this was and it was gone for so long.  So I am healing as this just came back for a visit. I'm such a tard  

[[No...]]

Gonna try and get some more sleep ... later ...

[[mr...]]

 

 

When you spend so long in the toilet you end up thinking you are part of the bowl ...

 

 

The smartest thing you've ever typed

 

Watching mindless sports on TV. Passing the time until I can go to bed.  This board is a life saver as you all understand.  This will pass. This can change on a dime.

 

Not a "tard" at all   Aaahh, the "revisiters".  It is rather amusing ney, "amusing" how things like that can take us by "surprise".  I almost giggle at times, how I can experience something and it's like my mind is like - Oh, WOW ~ this is the first time I've ever experienced this before!  Even though I've experienced a hundred times before.  Yeeshk

 

Beddy-bye for Mrs!  Happy Saturday to you (technically)!

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Wishing you get some restful sleep nova. Goodnight mrs and coop.  Lying in bed w a purring kitty.