12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Garton, 6 hours a night is not ideal but considering the fact that you are in w/d , it's pretty good. Nova only sleeps in few hour increments...I usually sleep 4/5 hours...granted we are not trying to go to work and raise young children. My trick is to have some things that I like to do from bed...book, tv..music..reading BBs..so when I do wake up I can turn my focus from escalating sleep fear to distraction. I still sleep with the TV on because when I close my eyes intentionally to sleep I get hit with intrusive thoughts ( yes, this far out...darn it!). I have to fall asleep ' acidentally' ...I know this goes against all good sleep hygiene advice, but for me it's the only way I can go to sleep. Once I am more healed I will work on better sleep habits...until then I will take any sleep in any way that I can get it. I usually sleep the best from 3am to 7am. I slept better in months 1-9...go figure. I don't know if that helps at all...I do know that lying awake and fearing insomnia is more stressful than lying awake reading or playing on the smart phone or watching the Waltons at 2am...lol...

.....Garton, I have to say, sleep is not my crazy fear....health fear is my crazy fear.. so it is easy for me to throw out suggestions for insomnia....I could not be easy going at all about health fears...if I am in a health fear swirl I can do almost nothing to silence it...it has a life of its own so I understand the fixation on a fear that w/d causes....and it is no fun.  You have my sympathy.  I think it will go away with healing.  Along with my health fear....until then we can only do what we can only do...so try to make your bed a happy place and sleep anyway that you can. ....coop

[[ga...]]

Yes Coop...I can relate to the health fear.  I experienced that earlier in my life.  I guess I was a classic hypochondriac.  For the last twenty years it is tied to sleep...darn!  I wonder if it has to do with the fact I don't value my life as I once did.  I know how bad that sounds but when you have had to endure insomnia for so long you just become fed up. 

 

I appreciate your suggestions in regard to how to handle insomnia.  I have tried most everything.  I just have to accept there will be good and not so good nights.  Just the way it is but SOOOO very hard to put into practice.  The last couple of hours my wife has been looking at summer cruises to Alaska...really sounds nice....but with what I have been dealing with.....I find I fall into a high state of anxiety thinking how I will handle it.  We'll see.

[[dr...]]

Good evening all....just checking in. Enjoyed reading the posts today.  Good posts. 

 

Well...I had a role reversal today...I had to coach a partner on my team on not to worry about a presentation we had to give to a group of twenty.  me...the panic king.    we all did great.

 

My day was better but far from effortless.  I'm having periods of low anxiety interrupted by neural storms out of the blue.  You know,...the whole spacey brain, dizziness, legs weak, trouble breathing, etc....fun times!   I'm getting two or three a day.  Very similar to my earlier withdrawal.  Add in some hissing of the ear and I'm just coughing it tonight.

 

Hope everyone is doing as well as can be in the shit.

 

Congrats on eleven months Robert!

[[Co...]]

Drew...neural storms!!...thank you. I have not heard that term before, but the way you describe it helps me so much to understand my last 3/4 days....Cycling so fast in and out of wild d/r. crazy anxiety ( that feels chemical) that hit out of no where..so dizzy and boaty.. breathless at times...health fear sets in ....I haven't had bouts of this since month 6. The strange thing is how fast they cycle...and change on a heart beat. I swear I have been in some alternating state  every 30 minutes today. The d/r is thick ...so thick I can't really think . I tried to do some simple budgeting math ( you know, third grade addition and subtraction) this morning and couldn't manage 2 colum addition...mostly due to the anxiety, then I was sure that I was developing alzhiemers on the spot. ...30 minutes later...as 100% as you please.. one hour later so disconnected I couldn't follow a news program ( not confused...just so removed )  cascading anxiety all through the day alternating with 'all is well' ...

....Drew, is this what you are talking about? ....Have mercy man, how in heck do you manage work.  let alone presentations in that state? ...I had to lay down 3 times ( helps the anxiety and d/r...My hat is off to you .I had a hard time doing the dishes.

....thank you Drew for your post...it really helped me calm down a little about this scary wave I have been in since last saturday. ( not long as far as waves go, but really a hard one)

.....Are you feeling better? ...I hope so...Drew, I hope you never go off the thread until I am healed...you are a help to all of us.. .coop

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning from the snowy Maritimes ... I have slept 16 out of the last 24 hours or so ... what's with that? ... woke kinda jittery and sort of hung over ... and stiff ... this is good ... can I sleep until Spring, please? ...

 

No wave stuff ... feel mostly like the flu-man ... I will take it ... no revving stuff, been over 24 hours now, but who is counting? ...

 

Hang on Folks ... we made it through Tuesday ... we will make it through Wednesday ...

 

Good to hear from so many Folks ... an active thread is a healing thread ...

 

Be Well ...

 

Nova, probably the revving stopped and your poor exhausted body just crashed for 16 hours.  good for you!  so happy.  let's hope these new trends are here to stay

 

[[Gr...]]

Sometimes I come here when I need reassurance that people are kind. I always see kindness here. It repletes me. There are so many things in life that deplete, so when I find something that repletes, I savor. This is me saying thanks to all of you who let me savor for a moment. 

Flip

 

Ms. Flip, you are one kind lady yourself.  Your kindness carried me a good piece of this journey.  thanks for stopping by.  It's wonderful to see you

[[Gr...]]

Today, is my day off after a really bad wave day. And today I woke up, and felt better, but I was exhausted, so tired and I did not know what to think. I admit, I was discouraged.

 

Anyway, today is a better day and that is all that matters, and I am taking advantage of it to do things I can't normally do. There is this sense of urgency.

 

Nobody  mentions it here, so I guess it's just me, but I have got an incredible amount of white hair. I have had grey hairs since I was 28, it's something that runs in the family, we get white hair young, but now, I have to colour my hair every week, which is nuts! What will I be doing at 60 ? Now, my mother has less white hair than I do !

 

So checked if wd had anything to do with it and there are some people who complain of their hair going white because of the suffering. Do you think it's possible ?

 

Well, this is my complaint of the day !

 

Sky,

 

I went completely gray in withdrawal.  Also, my hair "frizzled" and fell out.  I used to scoop handfuls of it off of my pillow in the morning.  Funny you mention hair.  When I was drying mine, I realized there was some hair in the brush, but nothing like the giant handfuls I used to get.  I could have stuffed a pillow!

The gray, I went from a cellophane, to hardcore chemical dye.  no, I don't think the gray goes away.

 

You do it every week?  Just the roots, I hope.

[[Gr...]]

Sky ... glad you are on your "good day" ... yep the window closed for me ... that's the way it goes until it doesn't go that way anymore ...

 

I only have six hairs left ... one brown, one blonde, and 4 grey ... 

 

Hair is overrated, Nova

[[Gr...]]

I am 11 months off today...can you believe it?

 

 

Congratulations, Buddy!  Home stretch.

[[dr...]]

Yes coop that's what I get.  It's terrible. The irrational fear and anxiety. Ugh.  I just sit and wait then out. I say to myself I know it will cycle through.  It sucks. 

[[Co...]]

Thanks Drew,....Helps so much to know others have the same sx...although I wish none of us were having any sx at all. I am wishing you a much better day tomorrow....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... I got jolted out of a deep sleep ... sort of exploded out of bed ... took a bit of time to tie things together ... panic I guess ...

 

How are you doing? ... same cycling? ...

[[Sk...]]

Today, is my day off after a really bad wave day. And today I woke up, and felt better, but I was exhausted, so tired and I did not know what to think. I admit, I was discouraged.

 

Anyway, today is a better day and that is all that matters, and I am taking advantage of it to do things I can't normally do. There is this sense of urgency.

 

Nobody  mentions it here, so I guess it's just me, but I have got an incredible amount of white hair. I have had grey hairs since I was 28, it's something that runs in the family, we get white hair young, but now, I have to colour my hair every week, which is nuts! What will I be doing at 60 ? Now, my mother has less white hair than I do !

 

So checked if wd had anything to do with it and there are some people who complain of their hair going white because of the suffering. Do you think it's possible ?

 

Well, this is my complaint of the day !

 

Sky,

 

I went completely gray in withdrawal.  Also, my hair "frizzled" and fell out.  I used to scoop handfuls of it off of my pillow in the morning.  Funny you mention hair.  When I was drying mine, I realized there was some hair in the brush, but nothing like the giant handfuls I used to get.  I could have stuffed a pillow!

The gray, I went from a cellophane, to hardcore chemical dye.  no, I don't think the gray goes away.

 

You do it every week?  Just the roots, I hope.

 

I don't lose my hair as much as I did before, but I do dye the roots every week and it's maddening.

 

Today is my bad day, it's really bad. I know it's hard to quantify  our suffering, but now the bad days are even worse and the good days are better. Does that make sense ? Do you know what I mean ? Is that the same with you guys ?

 

HAve a nice® day. 

[[No...]]

Sky ... hang on ... for better or worse ... we are getting there ... 

[[Sk...]]

Nova, this is a big confort, knowing that after I post my  daily lunchtime rant you are always there to reassure me. 

 

How are you doing today ?

[[pe...]]

I see many of you are in the waves and weathering. I'm sorry for your suffering. I'm thankful for your companionship. This little thread is a wonder.

 

I'm just visiting as work and family are ramping up and it's all i can do to renember where I'm supposed to be at any given time and hold on. But I have been feeling this thing simmering beneath my symptoms and it's so foreign that I couldn't put my finger on it until yesterday. Under all this crap I feel HAPPY. Wo. It certainly feels a little weird to have some (quieter) intrusive thoughts, anxiety dr and blahs but a sense of joy all the same. I'll gladly take this turn away from depression. For sure. I wish I could just sit home, kick my feet up and enjoy it. But alas, I must return to work for the fourth day of proctoring a standardized test for second grade children who are threatening mutiny with each turn of the test book pages.

 

I'm thinking of you.

 

Hi ho, hi ho it's off to work I go....

Peace2

[[Sk...]]

Peace, I know what you mean.

 

How great of you to take the time to share this with us because as you said it, well, as I read your post, I recognized the feeling, you know what I mean ? 

 

 

[[ga...]]

Another sleepless night.  Good news I was able to lay in bed quietly without letting the anxiety ramp up.  Still those darned intrusive thoughts about how I will manage to function...during the day and into the future.  If I can't get those thoughts under control I wonder how I will ever get consistent sleep.  I need to feel there is hope and things to look forward to.  So very frustrating.  Sorry to bore you all with this once again.  Going on way to long and looking forward to posting it is a thing of the past.

[[Co...]]

Peace,...MightyGirl...you make me cry with happiness for you...Yes, you describe it so succinctly. ..beneath all the discomfort and choir of sx...that small stirring of...happiness. Peace this will only get better for you.  I am just so happy for you. I wish you could be home today too to savor that sweet feeling of "I think my real self is still in there..I have survived".....What a great way to start the day...live to you dear friend....coop

[[No...]]

Sky ... did I miss lunch? ...  what did I miss? ...

[[Co...]]

Nova, yep..nothing like a panic to wake you up....so sorry. I hope it calmed down through the morning...and I hope you are less the snow and ice.....

........I am in the soup with you, but the soup is not as hot. I got some good sleep, but the woozy dizziness, nausea, cortisol spikes and anxiety is hanging on. No d/r yet...I was flat on my back yesterday to keep the dizziness at bay.. but I can't just stay in bed all day. I will probably go see the doctor ( no no I don't want to go) to have a thyroid check and have my ears evaluated. I have a suspicion my ears are having a party as I had a fever on the weekend so makes me think it's a virus...but I don't want to take the drammamine because it works on the GABAs too ( I think...but not in the same way as benzos)... well, blah blah ...

.... Nova , I hope your day opens up to some more of those dunbreaks...and wishing you some melting of the snow and ice..  take care Nova....coop....

[[No...]]

Peace ... yes ... under the wave and stress ... quietly waiting ... happiness ... it is always there, waiting for us ... 

[[No...]]

Garton ... "how I will manage to function?" ... hmmm ... breathing taken care of ... digestion taken care of ... heart is working ... hmmm ... and then there are a coupe of maintenance issues ... brushing teeth ... cutting toenails ... having a shower ...

 

Does that about cover it? ...

 

Oh, I forgot ... finishing this little healing thing we are all involved in ... and even that pretty much takes care of itself ...

 

Seems to me, everything else is "elective" ... we get to choose ... house, kids, work, wife, vacation, eating, sleeping, golf ... whatever ... as Zorba's says, "the full catastrophe" ... it is our "canvas" ... we can paint whatever we want ... dance whenever we want ... love whatever is in front of us ...

 

So ... do we spend our lives worrying about farting and not remembering how we totally enjoyed the meal and the companionship ... or do we totally enjoy the meal and fart if and when it comes around ... and fart joyfully ...

 

Okay ... I am just having that kind of day ... seeing lots of things sideways ... hope this helps a bit ...

 

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... lots of flu stuff going around ... I had a funky eye for a couple of days ... settled down on its own ... went out for a bit of a walk and had rubber legs most of the time ... feeling pretty "cast about" today ... lots of congestion showed up again today ...

 

And the running dog and pony show going on in the background ... this floating anxiety stuff ...

 

We need some freakin' sunshine and fair weather ... something to go out and bask in ... and it is coming ...

 

I seem to be in a bit of a "mood" today ... got a bit of an edge on ... sure did knead the dickens out of that loaf of bread ... 

[[Co...]]

Yep, the background anxiety...does it ever take a rest?.  Glad you were,able to get out for a bit...I can not wait for Spring...will help everyone's mood...maybe I should make some bread today and knead the heck out of it...

....Is the head fullness any better? ...Carry on Nova as you always do while supporting so many of us...

....hope you turn out a glorious laof of bread.  ..coop