12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Robert,....wonderful that you caught a bright window...I cry too when they come along...they are such promising evidence that we are going to get our selves and our lives back.

....I have to take the same approach as you when it comes to pushing or not pushing. Trying to just go with whatever shows up as best I can without burning myself out fighting against it....frankly, at 16 months I am too tired to fight back.

....one day at at a time...but so many days...have mercy.....coop

[[No...]]

Good Morning from the snowy Maritimes ... I have slept 16 out of the last 24 hours or so ... what's with that? ... woke kinda jittery and sort of hung over ... and stiff ... this is good ... can I sleep until Spring, please? ...

 

No wave stuff ... feel mostly like the flu-man ... I will take it ... no revving stuff, been over 24 hours now, but who is counting? ...

 

Hang on Folks ... we made it through Tuesday ... we will make it through Wednesday ...

 

Good to hear from so many Folks ... an active thread is a healing thread ...

 

Be Well ...

[[No...]]

Hey Drew ... I betcha the scar on my bum is cuter than yours ... 

 

Who is rowing this thing anyway? ...

 

Have a good one, my friend ... 

[[No...]]

Well ... one day of sleep and respite sure helped ... the wave is starting to come together again with the head pressure and breathing stuff ... quite nice to have a "day off" ... looks like back to the salt mines for this fella ... 

[[je...]]

Aww Nova, your last post sounded so promising. I still think all that sleep is beneficial for healing. Maybe you will get another break today. Hugs, Jenny

[[No...]]

Jenny ... hope you are doing well ... having that break yesterday went a long way towards reassurance ... have not had a full day break since the Fall ... quite enjoyed it even though I slept half of it away ... 

[[be...]]

This whole thread reminds me of the movie Jaws.  The scene where they are on the boat and comparing scars.   

 

:laugh:

 

Jenny, no, I did not have this kind of nerve pain in my first withdrawal. I had nerve pain but nothing compared to what I have now. I had mostly muscle pain and stiffness. The nerve pain I had was in my head, neck and feet, for a short time. That's why this withdrawal is so confusing. I took xanax everyday for thirteen yrs. and was much better after one year than I am now after taking 50 in three years.

The depression and other mental symptoms lasted about two years, maybe a little longer.

Yes, I'm still dealing with the nerve pain, but more manageable and to a lower degree. I think my left leg is healed....no nerve pain, only stiffness. My right leg and knee are better than  last month....thank goodness.

I still struggle with neuropathy in different parts of my body along with some burning and pain.

All of my symptoms are getting better and in a wave the freak out pain ( the benzo lies that tell me I won't get better) is better. I had a hard month last month ....so many waves.....but they brought on healing.

Still a struggle but getting there.

 

[[Co...]]

Oh, Nova...I am sorry . Hopefully it will ease up through the day. I was so happy for you that you got some really decent sleep . Do you still have snow and ice outside? The fact that you had such a better day yesterday is such a good sign of healing. You are going to have more days of clarity and sunbreaks. I also am waking up to some morning yuk...some intrusive thoughts, but they are starting to burn off now that I have been up and about for awhil ....

....Nova, I am wishing you a day without sx...sending love....coop

[[Fl...]]

Sometimes I come here when I need reassurance that people are kind. I always see kindness here. It repletes me. There are so many things in life that deplete, so when I find something that repletes, I savor. This is me saying thanks to all of you who let me savor for a moment. 

Flip

[[Lo...]]

Hi coop! Thanks for asking about me. I read this thread daily and i just love you all here so much.

 

Its been quite a ride for me of late....huge waves with really big windows sprinkled here and there. I had a window last Thursday that was unbelievable, it was so good, I honestly cried tears of joy. I know healing is coming sometime, for all of us. With Friday came bad heart palps and chest stuff, including the breathing crap. Rapid cycling over the weekend and Monday. Today, I have been hammered by my friends head pressure and agitation/anxiety. I feel like I have had a great deal of healing since January...I feel it in my base line and see it in windows.

 

Yeah Robert! You had a window! A great one at that!!! Amazing!!!!! 

[[ga...]]

Glad to see some are improving here .

 

I actually got 5 hours of sleep last night.  Still wake with the "blahs" and "blues".  Just am not motivated or excited about anything.  This really is bothering me.  Saw my counselor last evening and was told take it day by day.  Don't put the pressure on that I have to have passion and excitement for everything in my life.  I just hate feeling nothing.  Really want to look forward to what's ahead for me.  Hopefully this will be temporary...whatever that means.

[[No...]]

Fliprain ... 

[[Co...]]

Garton, what you describe is classic for w/d...I don't know of any w/d story that does not include this. I think there is a term for it..a hedonistic. ..your passion for life will return with healing. Do you notice that during a sunbreak or window you have moments of happy anticipation for what's coming up the next day or week?.. This is a hard one and we all hate it . We are all "just wanting our lives back"...to have the joy of looking forward to an event, to be connected to our happiness and feeling of live for our friends and families. This " empty" feeling takes so much from us, but it's all going to come back. Go to the success board and read Minnie's update.. it's so encouraging.....Your therapist is right I think. In my experience the more I can accept each day as it is and do the best with what is in front of me the more able I am to endure it . Time Time Time...it just takes so much time...but each day is one day closer to healing. ...A lot of BBs talk about " faking it until you make it"...some days that is the best we can do.....5 hours of sleep is a lot of improvement....yay for you....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... the respite was good ... getting back to healing is good too ... just not as pleasant ... we still have a lot of snow and ice ... when this starts going there is going to be one large mess of water out there ... hope it melts slow or there will be flooding ...

 

Wishing you a good day ... 

[[Sk...]]

Jenny ... hope you are doing well ... having that break yesterday went a long way towards reassurance ... have not had a full day break since the Fall ... quite enjoyed it even though I slept half of it away ... 

 

Michael, so sorry to hear your window closed, you must be heartbroken, you are so brave at taking it all with such dignity.

 

I know it's part of the process, if  the windows  don't close, we won't get waves and we won't heal, but it's still so hard to take and you have had such a hard time lately, lately being the last months ! 

 

 

Garton, coop is right, maybe if you start faking it, the rest will follow. I do my best to fake it, it's not easy, but I do it when I think of alll the sacrifices and suffering mr Sky is going through, so I fake it as much as I can, for him. Of course, I don't fool him for a second. Then, I do my best to fake it with my mother, the heart things would terrify her, she does have a heart condition. And then with everybody else for other reasons! 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Today, is my day off after a really bad wave day. And today I woke up, and felt better, but I was exhausted, so tired and I did not know what to think. I admit, I was discouraged.

 

Anyway, today is a better day and that is all that matters, and I am taking advantage of it to do things I can't normally do. There is this sense of urgency.

 

Nobody  mentions it here, so I guess it's just me, but I have got an incredible amount of white hair. I have had grey hairs since I was 28, it's something that runs in the family, we get white hair young, but now, I have to colour my hair every week, which is nuts! What will I be doing at 60 ? Now, my mother has less white hair than I do !

 

So checked if wd had anything to do with it and there are some people who complain of their hair going white because of the suffering. Do you think it's possible ?

 

Well, this is my complaint of the day !

[[No...]]

Sky ... glad you are on your "good day" ... yep the window closed for me ... that's the way it goes until it doesn't go that way anymore ...

 

I only have six hairs left ... one brown, one blonde, and 4 grey ... 

[[63...]]

I am 11 months off today...can you believe it?

[[je...]]

Congrats Robert!!! 

Hi sky, when I did my rapid taper I started to get a lot of grey hairs-- I never had any previously so I know its from  all the stress my body was under. I've read of other buddies who get a ton of grey too, but I've also read that for some of them their natural color returns after they heal. I highlight my hair blonde now, so I wouldn't notice if I have grey anymore. Jenny

[[Aq...]]

Congrats Robert!

 

Nova, sorry your window closed.  I had a couple of mini windows yesterday that felt amazing for a very short period of time (like 10 minutes) and today I am suffering with the full head/headache/dizzies again in a bad way.  But those few minutes were like euphoric in a way.  I hope it comes back!!

[[Co...]]

Wow, Fliprain...SO great to see you here. You are one of the first of the BBs that I read when I came on the forum . I read your blog...and your journey...so beautifully written. I have read your success story and I know you are putting goodness and beauty out there. ...You are such an inspiration to all of us who are not quite done...and those of us who are just beginning and all those in between.

.....What are you doing these days?.  and...how are you doing?

......Yes, there is such good will and compassion ...and humor and collective knowledge here. I would not have survived past 6 months without the lively people on this thread we have become a close knit little band of friends

.....It is just such a sweet surprise to run into you here today...Wishing you health and joy....coop

[[Co...]]

Sky, ...in the first year of w/d my hair fell out in patches...it has now grown back but it took months. It did grow back with a lot of white patches, but I am 65 so I expect the white...I actually like the white...I am glad that you are having g a good day. We all seem to be building patched together lives on single good days that we string together over long droughts ....I had 10-12 days in a row of decent baseline and now I am swimming in the under tow again ....will be so happy to see this one lift.

.    Enjoy your day Sky... coop

[[Co...]]

Robert CONGRATULATIONS.....11 months is a very big deal. Glad you are hanging out here with us. ..Isn't it great to not be at the beginning anymore. ...I hope you keep posting with us so we can follow you and know how you are doing...coop

[[Sk...]]

I am 11 months off today...can you believe it?

 

Robert, this is huge. It is one step towards the year  mark and that means even more. Time starts going quicker after the twelfth month. I wish you the best, make sure you make a big deal out of this. And come here to celebrate next month too . 

 

everybody, I am going to bed, it was a quiet day, just some anxiety and other things that I have gotten so used to. Tomorrow should be my bad day, I would love to be surprised. There is a bad wind storm here, those upset me, can't think why.

 

Night, have a quiet evening of healing.

[[ga...]]

Coop....I always like hearing this is just normal w/d and to be expected.  You got me thinking back in time to when there were times I would truly look forward to events, activities, vacations etc.  I started thinking there were times, however when sleep became an issue in the mid 90's I always had trepidation when it came to almost anything.  My focus was am I going to be exhausted and miserable.  How could I ever really look forward to much with that hanging over me?  I really need to take the focus off of being sleep deprived and miserable and letting it completely ruin a planned activity whatever it might be.  As Sky said I have to learn to fake it....even though my wife would certainly know how I am feeling.  She'd still have to put up with me feeling lousy.  This really seems to be the root of my fear and maybe even the depression I am going through now.  Who knows?  I am just rambling.