12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Drew,...sorry you are having a go around with the head sx...A few things help my migraines....put an ice pack to the back of your neck and a hot pack across your for head covering eyes, temples and fully cover both ears.. this shortens a migraine for me....might not work for everyone , migraines seem to be an individualized hormone of torture. Extra water ..lots of it also helps me, but then I am up and down with trips to the bathroom....take care Drew, this will end for both of us. I did manage to get the dog out and do a few chores before getting g back under the quilts for a little while.  I will say that the headache is the only major sx lingering from yesterday...so I guess that's a 'good' thing. Amazing how my bar for 'good' has shifted over time. Before benzo use, toleramce, taper and w/d a headache like this would have me in full sick in bed can't do a thing blinds down absolute stillness and quiet mode... for about 12 hours. Now I consider it an 'improvement' when it appears as a stand alone sx without all of the cousins and neighbors of w/d s/x. 

.....Yep....the Carry On Gang.......coop

[[Co...]]

* form of*....not hormone ....lol...Auto Correct is putting words in my mouth...at least on my screen...

[[Sk...]]

Coop, sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. As I was biking, I remembered that you should have been to a movie and I wondered how it had been.

 

My ride, was very tiring and at the end, I just had to stop and get off and walk alongside the bike. But exhaustion is the least of my worries. But today, here it was nice and warm, it almost looked like spring, so many people up and about in the countryside. Wish i could have enjoyed it more.

 

So, many of us are in a bad way today. I think I will just lie on  my couch with my teddy bear and hold him tight to my stomach and heart. Btw, today I am at  sixteen months out. Just changed my ticker. 

 

Speak later, hope we all get a break soon. In the meantime, we are healing, we just have to remind ourselves that it is happening. At a  snail's pace, of course.

[[Co...]]

Garton,...your depression trajectory is a lot like mine. I had some bizarre depression and intrusive crazy thoughts in month 4/5 and then it lifted to infrequent....along came months 10-12 and it set in more frequently. I honestly think the feeling of disconnect and inability to feel pleasure in life events is completely a w/d s/x..  In month 15 I have had some wonderful windows of enjoying preparing for an event ( although my 'events' are very mild compared to vacations , parties, work and exercise).  I have noticed an unmistakable pattern of sx on the day of the event....almost every time..obviously stress and anxiety ....I think this will improve the further along we go in the second year. You said that things have not been this bad for depression in the last 20 months as they are now....I think that is a very good indication that your depression and disconnect are w/d s/x.

. ....Try not to put so much pressure on yourself about the cruise. If you go and have s/x you can retreat to your room and get through it just lIke you do at home.  moment to moment, s/x to s/x. If you decide not to go..it's ok....what you don't do this year you will most likely do next year. I had to completely let go of the expectation of volunteering in the classroom which was so disappointing , but I am learning to follow up sad anxious thoughts obout what I can't do this year to believing that that is not the end of the story....next year I will be able to do those things....I am sure of it. If I have learned anything... it is not to expect anything s/x wise or ability wise on any given day... to do the best with whatever shows up on a given day. Sometimes now I can gently push through a bad day.. other days I have to let it go and do whatever I have to do to live along side the s/x. In some ways I have learned some good things about expectations and letting go....but I want my life back every day....and we will get our lives back. I don't read very many success stories that talk about 100% healing much before 18-24 months....and many talk about having a lot of s/x right up to months 2o-24 give or take.  You are going to get there Drew... as Nova says, " carry on".....coop

[[Co...]]

Sky, ....yep...me too...on the bed with my dog....2 days behind you on the timeline. (I should post a ticker...it does make it easier for people to see how far we have come). .  I have a huge window in my bedroom ...almost like a sunroom and the sun is out today...pouring into my bedroom...the dog and I are at least enjoying the warm wonderful su light and kind of watching Ghandi on the Turner Classics....might be as good as it gets today...so I am grateful for at least that much...take care Sky....rest easy on your couch surf.. sending good thoughts for your good day tomorrow....coop

[[Sk...]]

You and you dog in bed. If you felt better, it would be a beautiful picture. You and our dog are so lucky to have each other. Is your dog ok with watching Gandi ?

[[Co...]]

Sky...yes he is old and loves to lay on the bed in the sunshine but he is looking at me with eyes begging for popcorn...he loves popcorn and we eat plenty of it but today.  probably not until later ....what do you do from your couch on couch days?....Sky... our better days are coming back. You are strong and determined to get out with your bike on a not so good day. I am so glad that you don't have to provide lessons today.  Wishing you rest... coop

[[mr...]]

[move]HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GREEN![/move]

 

:yippee: :happybday: :happybday: :yippee:

 

Mrs.

[[Aq...]]

So sorry to hear most of you are in a bad way today. I am rowing the same boat as well. Getting really tired of it and wondering if healing will ever happen. Please, please, please. Just a little relief would be nice.

[[Co...]]

Green, ..HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU♡...Celebrate.. for days and days. ..huge year for you.  You have endured a tough year....and you don't ever have to do this year over again.  A great year awaits you.  ♡...love to you....coop

[[pe...]]

I feel so sick, but no sicker than any of you. I feel such intense fatigue and just strange in my body. I'm down, but not depressed. This takes so long. I'm not sure I can manage the demands of work much longer, so silly because I've managed it this long. Just feeling kaput. Knowing I'm in good company here. Say to myself this is quite normal and also quite awful.

 

Happy Day to Green. I hope you're well. 

 

Peace2

[[Sk...]]

[move]HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GREEN![/move]

 

:yippee: :happybday: :happybday: :yippee:

 

Mrs.

 

Really ? Wow ! 

[[Sk...]]

Sky...yes he is old and loves to lay on the bed in the sunshine but he is looking at me with eyes begging for popcorn...he loves popcorn and we eat plenty of it but today.  probably not until later ....what do you do from your couch on couch days?....Sky... our better days are coming back. You are strong and determined to get out with your bike on a not so good day. I am so glad that you don't have to provide lessons today.  Wishing you rest... coop

 

I don't have many couch days, intrusives reach me easily on the couch. But when I am, I hold on to my teddy bear and mr Sky.

 

I love older dogs, they look so wise and loving.  And they are so protective.  yes better days are going to come.

[[Co...]]

Awww, Peace...so sorry to hear . You haven't missed a beat through this...  including the death of your father. You started your jump with the beginning of a brand new teaching position. You have not missed any teaching days. My guess? ....you are freaking worn out by this. I have not done one tenth of what you have during w/d and I am so completely tired and done. . .Is there any way that you can take some sick time or leave of absence for awhile? .  I think our poor spirits just get so flogged...MighryGirl, I am wishing you some rest and some sunbreaks...love to you...coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... quite beside myself today ... everything is boring ... irritating ... can't seem to settle on anything for very long ... don't suppose they are giving refunds for today ...

 

Peace ... sorry to hear you are feeling exhausted ... you folks with jobs and families amaze me ... hope this lightens up for you soon ...

 

Sky ... it has just been that kind of day ... hopefully Monday brings us some relief ...

[[Ko...]]

Not much activity on our site, I hope that doesn't mean we're all in so much pain we can't or don't feel like posting.  I'm still stuck in high pain no sleep mode.  Thanks to those who responded about pain meds that might help. 

 

After researching on BB I've decided to try Remeron. It is supposed to help with sleep.  I think that is my major problem in that I get about 2 to 3 hours only. This has been going on for almost 2 yrs.  I think if I get more sleep it will help my healing an enable me to deal with the pain better. I'm also now getting depressed and since Remeron is an antidepressant it should help there too.  I realize after I'm better I will have to taper off it, but if it helps me get through this really tough part, then it's worth it.  Many BB's say it saved them and helped them heal. I hope it works for me.  I see my doctor tomorrow.

 

Korbe

 

[[ga...]]

Hi Korbe....I feel your pain.  Lately I am getting the 2 to 4 hours per nights.  I wake up with intrusive thoughts feeling depressed and just unable to relax and go back to sleep.  That is usually around 3 or 4 a.m.  Hard to deal with at that hour.  I see you used the temazapam.  Been there done that....the stuff is poison.  It worked for a few nights and then I found I had to increase dosage for it to have any affect.  Ended up taking 60 mg./night.    I know we all want that magic pill.  I think I tried remeron years ago and like most it wasn't what I had hoped for.  Possibly because my system was o/d'ed on so many different drugs at the time.

 

I wish you the best of luck trying remeron.  I think the depression will ease for us when we start getting a bit more sleep.  For me, I just have to break out of the pattern I am in.  I am at that point I just expect it to occur and guess what, it does.  Not sure how this pattern will break.  THat is what really has me nervous now.  Something has to give.

[[He...]]

Hi everyone,

Today has been a tough day. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted by packing. We still haven't found a place to move into, which brings MUCH stress. Looking for a place that takes dogs is what's the difficulty. He is my heart dog, my therapy dog through this healing process, I can NOT give him up! He's laying on the bed next to me as I type, taking a short break from packing.

 

I also have to put together my lesson plans for the week.

 

My symptoms haven't been too awful...just a tight chest, muscle soreness, and head pressure.

 

The other thing I must decide is if I still go on the trip to the East Coast. We must be out of our house on the 16th and the trip begins on the 18th. Gah!!! If I survive the next month, I'm declaring myself healed.  :'(

 

By the way, today is 20 months for me.

Love,

HH

[[dr...]]

With all you have going on I would say pass on the trip.  Happy 20th!

[[pe...]]

I kind of agree with Drew, HH. It's a hard call for sure, but you've got a lot on your plate.

[[Co...]]

HH...., first of all...Congratulations on month 20 !!!!...Yaaay for you !!!. 

......I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you.  So far you are doing great.  Just take it one day.  or one hour at at a time. Is it possible for you to have a 'rental' agreement with the mortgage company to rent your own home week to week u til you find a house. I wouldn't be able to leave my dog either.

......It's going to be ok HH.  The really great thing about your post is that you haven't developed acute sx this far out with the stress. I think that is a huge sign of healing. 

.....I am so following you and hoping I am where you are at month 20.  4 more months.. ..Glad to read that you took a break...with your dear dog.  Thinking of you HH...coop

[[mr...]]

With all you have going on I would say pass on the trip.  Happy 20th!

 

I kind of agree with Drew, HH. It's a hard call for sure, but you've got a lot on your plate.

 

Officially thirded. IMO

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Well. .here I am in a big bad wave...I really don't know if this is benzo flu or actual flu.  It doesn't make any difference.. I knew I was in for it yesterday when my head pressure came back....damn damn damn. ...I have had a headache , nausea, boatyness, d/r and health fear off the charts. I can't even turn my head without motion sickness.. I have been in bed all day...anxiety comes and goes and at times cascades ( wave on wave of physical anxiety)  It could be a tough but of Meniers...whatever it is ...it feels like acute again....just venting.

  ...When will I learn...I am not yet healed .....and 10-12 days of good doesn't mean I am done with this. ...I am 2 days away from month 16 ...and I can't quite believe I am feeling this bad. I couldn't get out of bed if someone offered me a million bucks. I can not find my rational mind and my benzo mind is having a big health fear party in my head..  I am so so tired of this...who isnt...I want my life back. I would settle for most of my life back. ...Have any of you developed continuous boatyness this late out

.....I hope all the wavy people are feeling better by tomorrow...including g me. I was really starting to think I was turning a corner....as HH says," GAW!!!"....So glad you guys are here.  Thanks....coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-yuck and double yuck!  Sorry you joined the rest of us. Please don't let your irrational Benzo brain entertain permanent Boatiness.  You know the drill.  Write and vent as much as needed. 

[[Co...]]

Thanks Drew.. I am hoping for better tomorrow...for all of us...coop