12-18 month support

[[Sk...]]

Well, I still am here reading your posts.  It is difficult to see so many of you still having to battle the sxs.  I am coming up on twenty months and overall doing better.  My biggest complaint is still having the early morning wakeups full of fear and anxiety.  The good news is that most of the time once I am up and about things start to improve.  Not perfect by any means though.

 

Right now I could use some support.  It's been a difficult week for me.  My wife had some minor surgery on Monday.  It went well and she is doing fine.  Add to that, she saw a new dermatologist yesterday.  She has a history of two melanomas in the last 25 years.  They were stage 1A with good prognosis, no treatment necessary except for removal of the mole.  This new doc is suggesting a chest x-ray along with blood tests that specifically look for melanoma cells in the body.  Controversial test to say they least.  If they happen to find the cell, what the heck do you do about it?  You now know you will eventually come down with full blown melanoma in the future at some point in time.  Well....me being the worrier....it set me off.  No sleep, tossing and turning, ruminating about the what if's to the point I drove myself crazy.  Totally exhausted this morning and over what???  I still can't get the worry about this kind of thing out of my head.  That fear of being alone consumes me.  You can see that I project this stuff way out into the future and just can't enjoy living in today when doing this.

 

Other than this I still deal with  the fear of getting out and doing things that are out of my comfort zone.  No vacation get a ways as of yet.  Still the concern of not being able to sleep and being exhausted the following day, which in my mind makes it difficult to go enjoy a vacation.  Good news is I am not using anything for sleep.  I do get 4 to 5 hours on a good night and that seems to give me the energy I need to function.  I just am so frustrated that I get consumed at times with the issues I just mentioned.  Am I healed as much as can be reasonably expected?  Don't know the answer really.  We are just works in progress hoping to get to a baseline we can be comfortable with.

 

I keep reading and hoping to see folks improving.  Keep up the good fight.

 

Hi Garton, but  it is just  a test, or what ? You are talking as if you already knew the outcome ? Or did I misunderstand ?

I really get the worrying part, you can't help it, nobody among us can. But allow yourself to think that it might be just a test to be safe.

 

SOrry, I am not very smart today, I hope I understood the situation.

[[Sk...]]

Drew, great to hear about your holiday ! Have a great time, leave your heart anxieties home !

[[be...]]

Just popping on before leaving for Hawaii.  I performed last night and during my scenes I had terrible chest pains.  If I didn't get my heart checked out I would have been in the ER!  I just remi 8)nded myself it's the anxiety and psychosomatic thoughts causing this. I did fine although a bit nervous.  These are the things I will have to continue to work on if I'm ever to be free/lessened of this anxiety.  While a lot of it can be attributed to the recovery I have to unlearn old habits of just taking a pill to make things go away.  This is life! 

 

Hope you all get breaks soon! :smitten:

 

Hawaii!!!!! Wait..... Hold that plane ...I'm coming with you!! 

[[Lo...]]

Just popping on before leaving for Hawaii.  I performed last night and during my scenes I had terrible chest pains.  If I didn't get my heart checked out I would have been in the ER!  I just reminded myself it's the anxiety and psychosomatic thoughts causing this. I did fine although a bit nervous.  These are the things I will have to continue to work on if I'm ever to be free/lessened of this anxiety.  While a lot of it can be attributed to the recovery I have to unlearn old habits of just taking a pill to make things go away.  This is life! 

 

Hope you all get breaks soon! :smitten:

 

I remember going to Honolulu 9 years ago (way overdue for a return trip) and this was my view from my hotel window pretty much! I can't wait to nip the inner ear problems in the bud so I can fly!

 

Aloha!

 

http://www.kaleidoscopeadventures.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Hawaii.jpg

[[Be...]]

Hi i am in month 13 and have anxiety all day everyday and deep depression...

Really annoyed by it.

Would rather be in hawaii too!

 

GG

[[ga...]]

Hi Sky.....Yes, it is a test that some doctors use in order to be a bit more thorough.  This one believes in being extra thorough, I guess.  Never have any of her previous dermatologist recommended a chest x-ray or blood test for the kind of melanoma she had.  In my distorted mind this opens us up for all kinds of issues if the test comes back positive.  How to you locate this random cancer cell?  THey don't have all the answers in the medical community.  All we would know from this that there are still cancer cells in our body that could conceivably cause a reoccurrence of her melanoma.  Some would say this would be nice to know and others, like myself, look at it as a ticking time bomb...not knowing when it will go off.  Hence, more fretting and worrying.

[[Mi...]]

Wow is that picture gorgeous!  Exactly what I needed to see.  The high today was 14, -5 when I awoke.  Common' April!

[[Lo...]]

Wow is that picture gorgeous!  Exactly what I needed to see.  The high today was 14, -5 when I awoke.  Common' April!

 

You're welcome! Drew has me thinking about Hawaii! It's 11 degrees right now where I am...sigh. I feel your pain lol.

[[je...]]

Hi Garton,

Great to hear from you it been a while. I have the same looping thoughts, and its very hard to let go once your mind "goes there". I guess we just have to find some new coping skills and train ourselves to handle stress another way. Do you feel a lot of improvement now at 20 months?

 

Drew-- what kind of performance do you do? Seriously, I don't know how all you guys go to work everyday let alone a performance...amazing!

 

I realized the other day that I pretty much live in a bubble. I mean Im a stay at home mom, so I spend 95% of my time at home, I have no friends really, so I don't do much besides normal everyday chores, errands, cooking etc. I know my anxiety would be so much worse if I worked or had to be around a bunch of people all the time. I really admire all of you buddies who go to work everyday.

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi Garton,

Great to hear from you it been a while. I have the same looping thoughts, and its very hard to let go once your mind "goes there". I guess we just have to find some new coping skills and train ourselves to handle stress another way. Do you feel a lot of improvement now at 20 months?

 

Drew-- what kind of performance do you do? Seriously, I don't know how all you guys go to work everyday let alone a performance...amazing!

 

I realized the other day that I pretty much live in a bubble. I mean Im a stay at home mom, so I spend 95% of my time at home, I have no friends really, so I don't do much besides normal everyday chores, errands, cooking etc. I know my anxiety would be so much worse if I worked or had to be around a bunch of people all the time. I really admire all of you buddies who go to work everyday.

 

Jenny, you don't do much ? 

 

Garton, I did not want to seem insensitive, thanks for the explanation. It seems as if your worrying is justified until you know more. I wish you the best, I hope all goes well. I mean, look at us, we are proof of how wrong doctors can be.

 

I am going to bed, today was awful, my palps really got bad. I avoided any source of carbohydrates, hope it is helping. But tomorow will be better, has to be.

 

Take care,

 

Sky

 

[[He...]]

UGH. 

My anxiety is up today, spurred on by a quick wave of what I guess was vertigo that hit me at lunch.  I haven't experienced that before and it felt like I was going to fall over. Then I instantly had a rush of anxiety which sent my heart thudding.  It left quickly, probably only lasted a few seconds, but it freaked me out and my health fears are going crazy.  It brought back all my heart fears.  I hate feeling so jittery and afraid!  Before that random vertigo (or whatever it was), I was feeling good. 

 

Have any of you dealt with a quick flash of vertigo?  It almost felt like I was tilting or maybe going to pass out?  Scary!  :'(

[[Wo...]]

UGH. 

My anxiety is up today, spurred on by a quick wave of what I guess was vertigo that hit me at lunch.  I haven't experienced that before and it felt like I was going to fall over. Then I instantly had a rush of anxiety which sent my heart thudding.  It left quickly, probably only lasted a few seconds, but it freaked me out and my health fears are going crazy.  It brought back all my heart fears.  I hate feeling so jittery and afraid!  Before that random vertigo (or whatever it was), I was feeling good. 

 

Have any of you dealt with a quick flash of vertigo?  It almost felt like I was tilting or maybe going to pass out?  Scary!  :'(

 

Definitely have had that a lot. Not lately though. It usually sets off a panic attack for me. I've seen it with so many buddies here, it's very common. Probably nothing to worry about, but you could call your doc. If it is a non benzo issue it could possibly be Meniere's, which is a treatable inner ear issue. Take care and feel better.

[[Co...]]

HH, I have exactly what you describe in exactly the way that you describe it. It was actually vertigo that began my ativan nightmare. I had a sudden vertigo .. a true upside down all around...can't find the floor and vomiting episode that evolved immediately into a panic and trip to er .. it was an inner ear virus or an inner ear condition.. ativan was prescribed. The dizzy zaps that you speak about were from week 2 part of the ativan side effect and later tolerance and w/d. I still get them and they still trigger panic. The panic is a physiologic function of how the ear sends messages to your brain and engages the amygdala ( parasympathetic system) to send panic.  plus dizzines and balance disruption are just plain scary. It could be very reassuring to see an ENT...just don't let them give you benzos.  Ativan supresses the ear.

  ..Believe me, I know how awful that feeling is.. it's like a 911 alert zapping through your whole body. I would bet it's w/d, but if you haven't had any dizziness in the 19 months that you have been off, it almost sounds like an inner ear virus.

  ..I am so sorry this happened to you.. so glad it passed quickly. I did take drammamine when I was having it daily but I am really not sure how much it helped in the long run and drammamine is benedryl which also acts on the GABA..

.... I hope you never get another one.  Thinking of you HH.. you have had a couple of tough days.  It will get better either way.  ear virus/condition or w/d....either way it will resolve.

......take care dear friend.  keep us posted...sending love and hugs..  coop

[[...]]

UGH. 

My anxiety is up today, spurred on by a quick wave of what I guess was vertigo that hit me at lunch.  I haven't experienced that before and it felt like I was going to fall over. Then I instantly had a rush of anxiety which sent my heart thudding.  It left quickly, probably only lasted a few seconds, but it freaked me out and my health fears are going crazy.  It brought back all my heart fears.  I hate feeling so jittery and afraid!  Before that random vertigo (or whatever it was), I was feeling good. 

 

Have any of you dealt with a quick flash of vertigo?  It almost felt like I was tilting or maybe going to pass out?  Scary!  :'(

 

 

HH

At 14 plus months off ,I still get the dizziness altough no where as much or as acute as 6-8 month ago. But still it has increased in frequency over the last 4 weeks or so. When it hits it hits heavy where I have to look for a chair or something to hold on too. Yes it can be scary but I try not to pay to much attention and it usually doesn't last to long.

 

It will eventually disapate and is a sx that doesn't stick around as much as some of the other relentless terrifying ones.

Hang in there it will be gone before you know it.

 

 

[[je...]]

HH- I had it a few months ago while I was in the shower. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt like I was gonna pass out. It scared the crap out of me, but it didn't last long and once I calmed myself down it was over and I'm sure it will be the same for you. Feel better, jenny

[[mr...]]

HH, yes ma'am!! You're not alone, love.

 

And (((((JRod))))) How goes, bud? Its good to see you again I hope you're feeling better? Miss hearing from you

 

Anybody heard from FreedofV lately? Been thinking about her

.

Just resting after a full day. Wave broke this afternoon ~ hooray! Its been about 3-4 weeks, so I am glad for the reprieve. Mr & I are traveling to see our baby niece this weekend, so we're looking forward to that!!

 

TGIF to you, gang

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Hey Sky! Just remembered one of my favorite things I used to do for comfort at night I would lay my head on Mr's chest and listen to his heart rate and pretend it was mine, while I fell asleep It helped me so much back then Would Mr Sky let you do the same, I wonder?

 

Hope you are feeling better soon Sleep well buddy

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

Thank you guys for the reassurance! That scared the crap out of me and I'm really hoping it doesn't come back. I made it through my school day and headed across town for the big basketball game. No more episodes of vertigo so far, only a few smaller boatiness feelings. It completely freaks me out to get new stuff this far out.

Jenny, did you only have that 1 episode?

 

 

[[je...]]

I had it in early w/d, but this was the first time I had it in a long time. I havent had it since. Glad to hear you are doing better. Jenny

[[He...]]

I've had little waves of boatiness, but this afternoon just seemed like a different animal. It may have even been just an intense rush of anxiety, it was hard to tell because it was so quick and instantly brought anxiety. Maybe that's what it was...a rush of panic. I don't know, but it sure left me feeling jittery and fearful the rest of the day.

 

I hope you are doing ok.

Love,

HH

[[Sk...]]

Hey Sky! Just remembered one of my favorite things I used to do for comfort at night I would lay my head on Mr's chest and listen to his heart rate and pretend it was mine, while I fell asleep It helped me so much back then Would Mr Sky let you do the same, I wonder?

 

Hope you are feeling better soon Sleep well buddy

 

Mrs.

 

Funny you mention that Mrs ! I used to love doing it pre wd, but now it upsets me, it seems like his heart is beating too fast ! 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... I have been in a deep wave since Thursday afternoon ... not letting up and not sleeping much ... hard stuff right now ...

 

Nothing new ... same orchestra ... just a different version of the same old stuff ...

 

Hanging on ... sort of ...

 

[[...]]

Hi all!!

 

Praying there's improvement going around for everyone!

 

I've been busy packing up the house to move. We were supposed to close next Friday, but doesn't look like we will because the house didn't appraise. I'm fine with that! The builder said that if they can't support the higher price they'll come down to the appraised value! If there's any issues we'll just go find another house!!

 

I have been praying for each of you and your healing!!

 

Be well!

 

:smitten: :smitten:

[[Sk...]]

Good Morning ... I have been in a deep wave since Thursday afternoon ... not letting up and not sleeping much ... hard stuff right now ...

 

Nothing new ... same orchestra ... just a different version of the same old stuff ...

 

Hanging on ... sort of ...

 

 

I was wondering what had become of you. Of course you were in a wave. Hang in there, today is pretty awful for me too. We will get throught this.

 

Even though, this morning, I felt so overwhelmed and started crying and crying. It is awful to wake up terrified of symptoms at 15 months out.

 

But slowly we are getting there. 

[[mr...]]

Hey Sky! Just remembered one of my favorite things I used to do for comfort at night I would lay my head on Mr's chest and listen to his heart rate and pretend it was mine, while I fell asleep It helped me so much back then Would Mr Sky let you do the same, I wonder?

 

Hope you are feeling better soon Sleep well buddy

 

Mrs.

 

Funny you mention that Mrs ! I used to love doing it pre wd, but now it upsets me, it seems like his heart is beating too fast ! 

 

Too funny! Mr has a nice, steady, slow beat. I love listening to it

 

Feel better soon, Sky

 

(You too, Nova...)

 

Mrs.