12-18 month support

[[mi...]]

Hi coop.....yes I do have my life completely back....I have no s/x at all even the tinnitus has left......I go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week...I was not able to exercise during w/d....

 

I also lost 2 of my elderly dogs in the past 2 mos.....I did not have anything but horrible grieving.....anyway I am so happy your head stuff is so much better....that is one horrible s/x....though none of the benzos s/x are easy....

 

I am glad that I was able to help you.....your thread 6 to 12 month got me through the worst days.... (Days that I was sure I was dying and would never heal)....... I will always be grateful for that....

 

I will keep watching for your success story.....Hugs to you my friend....minnie

[[He...]]

Coop-Thx for the kind words.  I'm okay.  Just a bit beat up.  I spoke to my therapist on the phone. I only check in when I need a boost.  He said my panics are not setbacks just part of the recovery.  He also ssid while we are doing well stress is still accumulating and it will come out somehow.  Vacation, work, friend in town, prformsnces,  etc,,,he said it's not suprising. I know they are but its just so difficult sometimes.  I try and just let them do there thing but once in awhile they get the best of me. ;(.  I ended up cxling my internal meeting and took off for vacation early. Felt bad about "giving in" but I didn't think it was worthwhile to fight it the symptoms.  Relaxing now before I have a show. 

 

Spelling is off more than usual cause on my phone.

 

Hi Drew,

I think this is great for us all to remember.  I think we can substitute any and all of our symptoms in for "panics"....they are NOT setbacks, but a part of recovery.  Thank you for posting that.  It's always good for me to hear what benzo-wise professionals think!

 

I'm glad you are on vacation.  Is this when you head off for Hawaii? 

 

 

[[He...]]

Hi everyone,

Today was rather nice because, although I was wavy with lots of body aches and tightness/pressure, AND a headache, I didn't panic or worry about it being anything other than what it is....a part of the recovery process. 

 

I am so very, very tired of this recovery process, but I feel like I'm making it through it and will eventually come out the other side. My healing feels more accelerated since passing the 18 month mark than it has all along.  My anxiety has really quieted down, which is a huge blessing as this was one of my worst symptoms.  My last big panic attack was that first week of January (which you all held my hand through  ) and so it's been over a month.  I have noticed that I don't shake and fidget much anymore...like shaking my foot when my legs are crossed due to nervous energy.  Now I am dealing with residual physical yuck...like pressure/tightness and aches/pains, but it seems to be less intense.  I also have big chunks of time when I actually FORGET about recovery because I feel normal. 

 

For those who are curious, my daughter's team won their game last night and are playing in the District Championship tournament this weekend.  It was a good night! 

 

Love to you all,

HH

[[Co...]]

Minnie , your words are manna from heaven for us here on the 12-18 month thread. There are some of us who absolutely needed to read your last post...you have helped alot of us today...thank you so much. ....coop

 

[[Co...]]

Drew,....thanks for sharing your therapist's  words...reassuring to all of us . I agree with you...the stress of your last meeting is not worth an increase of sx in your wave. Glad you are on your way to vacation.  ...good luck with your performance...coop

[[Co...]]

HH, ...great news....It seems that you have had a ton of healing in the last 2 months. Thank you for posting all the encouraging progress towards complete healing. ...Helps us so much.  I can't wait to get to month 18.  coop

[[be...]]

Hi everyone,

Today was rather nice because, although I was wavy with lots of body aches and tightness/pressure, AND a headache, I didn't panic or worry about it being anything other than what it is....a part of the recovery process. 

 

I am so very, very tired of this recovery process, but I feel like I'm making it through it and will eventually come out the other side. My healing feels more accelerated since passing the 18 month mark than it has all along.  My anxiety has really quieted down, which is a huge blessing as this was one of my worst symptoms.  My last big panic attack was that first week of January (which you all held my hand through  ) and so it's been over a month.  I have noticed that I don't shake and fidget much anymore...like shaking my foot when my legs are crossed due to nervous energy.  Now I am dealing with residual physical yuck...like pressure/tightness and aches/pains, but it seems to be less intense.  I also have big chunks of time when I actually FORGET about recovery because I feel normal. 

 

For those who are curious, my daughter's team won their game last night and are playing in the District Championship tournament this weekend.  It was a good night! 

 

Love to you all,

HH

[[be...]]

Hi everyone,

Today was rather nice because, although I was wavy with lots of body aches and tightness/pressure, AND a headache, I didn't panic or worry about it being anything other than what it is....a part of the recovery process. 

 

I am so very, very tired of this recovery process, but I feel like I'm making it through it and will eventually come out the other side. My healing feels more accelerated since passing the 18 month mark than it has all along.  My anxiety has really quieted down, which is a huge blessing as this was one of my worst symptoms.  My last big panic attack was that first week of January (which you all held my hand through  ) and so it's been over a month.  I have noticed that I don't shake and fidget much anymore...like shaking my foot when my legs are crossed due to nervous energy.  Now I am dealing with residual physical yuck...like pressure/tightness and aches/pains, but it seems to be less intense.  I also have big chunks of time when I actually FORGET about recovery because I feel normal. 

 

For those who are curious, my daughter's team won their game last night and are playing in the District Championship tournament this weekend.  It was a good night! 

 

Love to you all,

HH

 

 

HH, your recovery sounds identical to mine

[[je...]]

Hi Minnie, great to hear from you 

HH-- you are sounding good, and I'm encouraged to hear that your healing has accelerated at the 18 month mark. Im 17 months today and I feel a lot of healing going on under the sx.

I did something stupid today and decided to check my heart rate while standing up. If I'm laying down its in the 70's, but once I stand it goes up (POTS). I thought for sure I'd see some improvement in this area since its been about 6 months since I checked it-- nope its 100 BPM when I'm standing. Now I'm freaked out, I'm mean I'm 17 months out shouldn't this have improved a little? Its got to be unhealthy and dangerous to have a hr this high all the time. Any advice or encouragement is welcome???Thanks to everyone who gave me a pep talk about my panic the other day with my sons Dr appt. They can't find anything wrong with his lungs, so we have an appt with an ear, nose, throat Dr so hopefully we can get some answers. Thanks everyone, jenny

[[be...]]

Hi Minnie, great to hear from you 

HH-- you are sounding good, and I'm encouraged to hear that your healing has accelerated at the 18 month mark. Im 17 months today and I feel a lot of healing going on under the sx.

I did something stupid today and decided to check my heart rate while standing up. If I'm laying down its in the 70's, but once I stand it goes up (POTS). I thought for sure I'd see some improvement in this area since its been about 6 months since I checked it-- nope its 100 BPM when I'm standing. Now I'm freaked out, I'm mean I'm 17 months out shouldn't this have improved a little? Its got to be unhealthy and dangerous to have a hr this high all the time. Any advice or encouragement is welcome???Thanks to everyone who gave me a pep talk about my panic the other day with my sons Dr appt. They can't find anything wrong with his lungs, so we have an appt with an ear, nose, throat Dr so hopefully we can get some answers. Thanks everyone, jenny

 

Jenny, I was just reading your post about the POTS. I had it for about 6 months this time around and it left, but in my first withdrawal it lasted for about 2 yrs. Just like all of our other symptoms it just gradually gets better and goes away. My heart rate was one of my worst symptoms in my first withdrawal and I always feared my heart would give out. Sometimes I would stand up from a sitting position and my heart would take off like a race horse, it was very scary. Many times I passed out because it was so fast. My doc prescribed a beta blocker (inderal) and it helped a lot.

Please rest assured this will get better and go away with time.

Time time and some more time. 

 

[[mr...]]

Jenny,

 

IMO, but 100bpm standing is not really considered "high", in medical terms. Like I told drew recently, my resting heartrate (so, laying down or sitting) used to be 90-100s...so to hear people talk of 100bpm as "fast" kinda has me chuckling... They don't even consider it "tachy" unless it is over 100bpm at rest (sitting/laying), according to my cardiologist. There is NOTHING harmful or dangerous with a sinus rhythm'ed tachy ~ straight from my cardiologist's lips.

 

This is all just IMO, and based off of my own personal experiences It doesn't sound "worrisome" to me, but you could always get yourself checked out by your doctor to verify that Hope you're feeling better soon! Have a great night

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Beulah, did you take it daily, or occasionally? Your beta blocker, that is

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Jenny, I totally understand your concern...Any time we feel severe changes in our bodies it is scary. W/d makes it even scarier. My palps sent me to er in month 4 and my b/p sent me in month 6. Both times I was cleared and all my tests were normal Knowing this helped me if I was not experiencing the sx. If I was experiencing the sx all of my health fears were fully engaged and having a big celebration. I still have panicky moments when my b/p has a momentary spike or my palps kick in. My hr can also jump up from time to time when I go from sitting to standing. I have had bouts of dizziness from the second week of being on the drug.. it can still trigger a panic. My point is.. all rational thought aside, I get the fear...physical sx are scarier and sometimes we weather them and other times they keep our health fears looping. I agree with Beulah, it will decrease with time. I felt better having my sx checked out and I did not feel one bit ashamed about having them checked out. Reassurance is just as important to our recovery as any other aspect of healing. ....I am sorry you are still having POTS sx. ...So glad to hear that your little boy is well..  ..feel better Jenny....Wishing you some sunbreaks and windows....coop

[[je...]]

Beulah, Mrs, & Coop-- thank you all soo much! I feel a lot calmer now, you all don't know how much I appreciate your words. Beulah, hearing you say it took you 2 years has really calmed me down. I'm so thankful for all of you and this thread  jenny

[[He...]]

This is what I hate. My day has been decent, a little wavy with tightness and pressure in my torso and head, but for the last hour it seems more intense. Just enough more that it brings out the fear.

I really hate it. 

 

[[Co...]]

HH, ...I hear ya...just when I think I might have 2 whole days in a row of no sx...along comes something . Are you able to take ibuprofen? ...even 200 mg helps pressure pain...hope this lets up for you....I hate it too....I keep reading Minnie's post....she had all the pressure for months and it all went away. ..it's going to go away for us too....coop

[[He...]]

HH, ...I hear ya...just when I think I might have 2 whole days in a row of no sx...along comes something . Are you able to take ibuprofen? ...even 200 mg helps pressure pain...hope this lets up for you....I hate it too....I keep reading Minnie's post....she had all the pressure for months and it all went away. ..it's going to go away for us too....coop

 

Thanks for the tip, Coop! I took some ibuprofen before I headed to bed and hopefully it will help to calm things down. I can't wait until this particular symptom goes away!

 

Some day soon we will be getting many days in a row of no sx.

[[...]]

Anyone still posting here?, it's been a while.

[[mr...]]

Fonz, this thread is alive, active, and well I saw your post in the PWD section, & meant to let you know about things over here, but...you know, time got away from me

 

Anyways, welcome buddy

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

Hey everyone,

Reading your posts, living your symptoms. Trying to put one foot infront of the other without complaining too much. But I do feel a shade of crazy and am just exhausted by the whole thing. Anxiety is high as is fatigue. Wanting it to be over but helped to know we're all in this same damn boat. I'd like to call in for a day off from symptoms....

 

Same song, different day. Can't wait for the tune to change.

Peace2

[[Sk...]]

Peace, I hear you.

 

Today is my wavy day and I am so angry and I am having bad negative thoughts while my heart is pounding. I am double checking my diet, taking away things, noting all down in my log, hoping to find a way to reduce the palps. really tired and fed up. My writing is worse too 

 

HOpe you are feeling better. Where is Nova/ Michael ?HOpe he is ok.

 

sending healing thoughts.

[[pe...]]

I'm so sorry Sky.

I understand the need to DO something about this- diet, exercise, ANYTHING! I do the same thing and most of the time just wind up exhausting myself. I am wishing more and more I didn't have to show up at work everyday. My bed is the place that sounds about right, knowing I'd be uncomfortable even there. SO tired of my brain being scrambled and feeling like I'm about to be attacked by a lion. I'm so glad it's Friday.

 

I hope you get a break my dear!

 

Peace2

[[ga...]]

Well, I still am here reading your posts.  It is difficult to see so many of you still having to battle the sxs.  I am coming up on twenty months and overall doing better.  My biggest complaint is still having the early morning wakeups full of fear and anxiety.  The good news is that most of the time once I am up and about things start to improve.  Not perfect by any means though.

 

Right now I could use some support.  It's been a difficult week for me.  My wife had some minor surgery on Monday.  It went well and she is doing fine.  Add to that, she saw a new dermatologist yesterday.  She has a history of two melanomas in the last 25 years.  They were stage 1A with good prognosis, no treatment necessary except for removal of the mole.  This new doc is suggesting a chest x-ray along with blood tests that specifically look for melanoma cells in the body.  Controversial test to say they least.  If they happen to find the cell, what the heck do you do about it?  You now know you will eventually come down with full blown melanoma in the future at some point in time.  Well....me being the worrier....it set me off.  No sleep, tossing and turning, ruminating about the what if's to the point I drove myself crazy.  Totally exhausted this morning and over what???  I still can't get the worry about this kind of thing out of my head.  That fear of being alone consumes me.  You can see that I project this stuff way out into the future and just can't enjoy living in today when doing this.

 

Other than this I still deal with  the fear of getting out and doing things that are out of my comfort zone.  No vacation get a ways as of yet.  Still the concern of not being able to sleep and being exhausted the following day, which in my mind makes it difficult to go enjoy a vacation.  Good news is I am not using anything for sleep.  I do get 4 to 5 hours on a good night and that seems to give me the energy I need to function.  I just am so frustrated that I get consumed at times with the issues I just mentioned.  Am I healed as much as can be reasonably expected?  Don't know the answer really.  We are just works in progress hoping to get to a baseline we can be comfortable with.

 

I keep reading and hoping to see folks improving.  Keep up the good fight.

[[dr...]]

Just popping on before leaving for Hawaii.  I performed last night and during my scenes I had terrible chest pains.  If I didn't get my heart checked out I would have been in the ER!  I just reminded myself it's the anxiety and psychosomatic thoughts causing this. I did fine although a bit nervous.  These are the things I will have to continue to work on if I'm ever to be free/lessened of this anxiety.  While a lot of it can be attributed to the recovery I have to unlearn old habits of just taking a pill to make things go away.  This is life! 

 

Hope you all get breaks soon! :smitten:

[[Lo...]]

Just popping on before leaving for Hawaii.  I performed last night and during my scenes I had terrible chest pains.  If I didn't get my heart checked out I would have been in the ER!  I just reminded myself it's the anxiety and psychosomatic thoughts causing this. I did fine although a bit nervous.  These are the things I will have to continue to work on if I'm ever to be free/lessened of this anxiety.  While a lot of it can be attributed to the recovery I have to unlearn old habits of just taking a pill to make things go away.  This is life! 

 

Hope you all get breaks soon! :smitten:

 

Drew I'm so happy for you! You performed, you're going on vacation to one of my fave places! I love the ABC stores out there! 

 

Sorry about the chest pains but like you said, you're all checked out and good to. Those pains will become things of the past...just wait and see.

 

Safe travels my friend and a happy/early 10 months off to you (Feb 28th since there is no 30th lol)!

 

Cheers!