12-18 month support

[[mr...]]

Healinghope, I wonder if there was something you could do to sorta "break" the cycle? Like, maybe you could give yourself a somewhat rigorous ribcage/chest massage, to help change/break up the sensation? Or maybe perhaps you could do some ab crunches? Again, to break up and/or change the sensation? Or at least distract you with another different, stronger sensation? Or sometimes, for me, doing something to "irritate" or almost "aggravate" the situation, in a controlled fashion, helps me also. Its kinda like -- "okay, dumb irrational thought is trying to say "heart attack". So, I'm going to jog in place, and ON PURPOSE elevate my heartrate!!!" Initially, it creates a bit of panic for me...but not for long

 

Or maybe you can sorta retrain yourself on how you feel about the sensation? Like when it occurs, each time it occurs, make yourself stop and forcefully think about something that invokes a really good & positive sensation of emotions? Or do something that you really enjoy doing! So, eventually, when the sensation happens, your subconscious will automatically trigger good emotions. Perhaps?

 

Just some ideas! The ab crunches were a strong distractive sensation for me, that pulled away from other bodily sensations because of the muscle workout "pain", lol! And the whole "jogging in place" thing - was sort of a way to "piss" on withdrawal & fear, haha! Its like, "OK you want me to be "afraid" of a higher heartrate?! Well, poo on you! I'm gonna MAKE my heartrate high on purpose!!! I'M in control!!!!!" It may or may not work for you Just some thoughts of Mrs's   Either way I hope you feel better soon It will pass soon

 

Mrs.

[[Wh...]]

Just a whine...

 

My "squeezes" are going strong today, a band around my chest and around my head. And my depression is there, feeling sad and fearful.

 

<sigh>

 

Hang in there!!! Lately, I have been getting this stuff a lot! It sucks, but it does pass! We are on the downhill! Before you know it, these strange symptoms will pass! It's crazy because in acute we felt like hell and it was scary, but we accepted it because we  absolutely knew what was happening. So much time has passed that we start to question how we are feeling! that means we are healing!!! 

[[je...]]

Just a whine...

 

My "squeezes" are going strong today, a band around my chest and around my head. And my depression is there, feeling sad and fearful.

 

<sigh>

 

Hang in there!!! Lately, I have been getting this stuff a lot! It sucks, but it does pass! We are on the downhill! Before you know it, these strange symptoms will pass! It's crazy because in acute we felt like hell and it was scary, but we accepted it because we  absolutely knew what was happening. So much time has passed that we start to question how we are feeling! that means we are healing!!! 

 

 

This is so true!

[[Co...]]

HH, I hope things calmed down for you. I still get the tightness around my chest too. You have probably already done this, but a hot pack or heating pad helped mine...and the hot lavender Epsome salts tub soaks really help but I have tons of time to soak. A hot tub with jets would be great wouldn't it...I don have one of those. Lol. ..I totally understand the anxiety and health fear...the bane of w/d...will we ever be free of it? .. We are in the home stretch...Wishing you some sunbreaks tomorrow....coop

[[dr...]]

HH-I hate the chest stuff!  I know it's not my heart now but damn it's annoying!  I feel like I have pressure or pulling in my sternum. 

 

[[Co...]]

The movie was a success....a little nervousness and anxiety about going ...'normal' anxiety...just because I was worried about getting sx while out. ...but...no sx...no, none, nada. I had a great time and enjoyed my grandson so much. The movie was cute. We took him out for dinner after and I enjoyed that too. My day has been a good 85%-90% baseline. Not quite an effortless mind day but about a gazillion times better than how things have been going lately. I seem to be having one or two good days a week.. not nearly enough but so much better than last year. I am not ready for re-entry by a long shot, but I am healing.

.....Wishing sunbreaks and windows for all of you.....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green, Thank you so much for those posts...I just love you for sharing so much with us. ...That is exactly how I felt.  Freaking like my mind literally no longer existed and I was going with it.. in this entire 18 months I have not had that. I am beginning to understand that what doesn't knock us around in the first year will circle around and clobber us in year 2.. Fortunately by year 2 most of us have made good friends here and have better support, knowledge and grit than we did in year one. I am now understanding that I have had d/r all along including during the beginning of my use. I have been intrepring it as light headedress and cog fog which seem to be all mixed into it. I have also experienced pre-panic with it, but I thought it was the beginning of the panic. I had a lot of clarity this morning that gradually morphed into d/r and spaciness this afternoon that I am managing thanks to your post and Drew's and everybody's support. It seems as though this is a new kind of wave....regular d/r.  Thank you very much benzo beast. There can't be much left in the arsenal that I haven't been hit with.  With help from my friends I am still standing.

....Your trip sounds wonderful.  You sound so empowered and ready to getting back to something that you love. A big brave step. I am with you all the way. I am glad you have that escape clause in your internal dialouge...and that if needed you can delay it without penalty. Just making the plan and doing the flight would be huge for me.

...thank you so much Green...I appreciate your time here so much...it is such a support to all of us.  Love to you sx buddy and happy Valentines Day to you....coop

 

Thank you, Coop, but I'm not that tough, I don't think.  I have a plan B, postpone trip if necessary.  and that might just happen.  I'm very positive, but I'm really not all that functional.  I can't roll myself out in the morning, I don't have lots of energy, the stamina for a whole day.  I'm hoping I'm ready by May 2, but -- all along I've projected into the future, a social engagement, a commitment, and said, oh, surely I'll be better by such and such a date, that's so far away from now -  and that date comes and goes and I'm not there yet.  I know everybody here has gone through that.  We hit the milestones and are stunned that we're not doing more.  I think it's good that I'm trying, that I'm hopeful, that's the healing.  If I can't, I won't.  I start month 16 tomorrow.  I'll have 18 months by May,  my God, I have to be better by then!!! :'(

 

Anyway, I relate to all the symptoms, Nova's groin to throat panic -- mine goes up to my head.  And I've got the revving, a little poised for panic and vibrations.  Do you guys notice increased urination when this comes?  I had this last year, I know I did, but it's not as bad now.  not pleasant, but not as bad as last year.

 

okay, feel a little panic coming on, so I'm going to distract a little.

 

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

[[Gr...]]

Whyowhy, I love your avatar !!

 

For me,  this is really a bad month, who would have thought that  I would still be so sick at 15 months out ?

 

The cod liver oil I take is fine, I don't know if it is helping, this is a bad period and little can help with that, there are no shortcuts.  I would have  to check my log. But It is so good for me, for my body, I am happy to  to take it.

 

Our thoughts in wd are strange and take us to odd places.

 

I am having problems with vibrations and palps, and when i don't have the vibrations, I have crippling anxiety, yesterday, the anxiety, totally irrational, gave me heart pains. ENough complaining, this is just an update, don't worry, we are getting better.

 

Our thoughts in wd are strange and take us to odd places, that is so freaky.

 

Coop, you catch that movie, it  is great to hear you are getting a break. What are you seeing ?

 

Everybody, happy healing.

 

I'm right behind you, Sky, I've got the revving, palps, vibrations..  Like Nova, mine starts in the groin and drives me out of my mind.  It feels almost sexual, except it's not pleasant.  Weird? Yes.

 

Feel better.  We have to be in the home stretch, we have to be getting better

[[Gr...]]

Good morning and happy Valentines Day! The thread is very slow this morning and I'm hoping it's because you are all out enjoying windows.

 

I'm still in this mini-wave. I'm not getting slammed, but I feel uncomfortable with some free floating bluesiness/fear and some chest tightness and all-over achiness. Just kinda down emotionally and tired of feeling "off" physically.

 

However, in the spirit of Valentines Day, I am going to list some of the things that I love! 

•my amazing family

•my school, students, and coworkers

•the sports that my daughters play

•staying busy

•sleeping in

•decaf, skinny lattes

•sunny days

•the absolute FACT that my good days outnumber my bad

•this thread and the wonderful support it provides

•my dog

•getting lost in great books

 

Wishing you all healing!

Love,

HH

 

[[He...]]

Hi everyone,

My wave ended up going away tonight and I had a good time at the basketball games and, afterwards, going to dinner with my hubby. 

 

Mrs, I love your suggestions and I will try them the next time.

 

Talk to you all later, it's time to go to sleep.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... well ... better if not "great" ... so that's what sleep is for ... some "re-charge" and some balance ... hmmm ... this is fascinating for me ... I have been disconnected from my sleep and why it is there for so long I suppose I had "forgotten" about it ...

 

For me, another sign that things are improving ... these little "re-attachments" slowly coming back ... I take a lot of encouragement from these ...

 

Green ... yes .... the peeing thing shows up when I am "agitated" ... for me, a "leftover" from my more "engaged" days ...

 

On a long, boring afternoon, what does the old fool do when he is feeling down and a little lost ... well ... he looks up "meningitis" on google and wallows around in that for a while ... then ... better run off and get that one checked out ... then the old fool and I have a good belly laugh ...

 

For me, another sign of improvement ... the slow separation, discrimination, of aspects of myself ... you know, the foolish one, the hardliner, the kind one, the wisdom one, the confused one, the fearful one ... and so on ... somewhere during this drug journey it seems they all got concatenated together ... our "committee of the whole" meetings turned into mad, screaming, useless yelling matches ... where did the chairperson go? ...

 

Well ... it seems the chairperson has always been there ... there was just too much "noise" for them to be noticed ... the meetings continue ... now, more frequently, I can here the rap of the occasional gavel ... Robert's Rules of Order is still not being practiced ... (who was Robert, anyway) ... but the voices are getting more distinct ... and there is the occasional calm before another shouting match ... sort of like too many children vying for the teacher's attention all at once, as I remember my more raucous school days ... you know, the squirming, hand waving, "me, me, me" ... "I have the answer" kind of thing ...

 

Well .. I must have got some sleep ... the long-winded one has struck again ...

 

Hope we all have a good Sunday ...

 

 

[[dr...]]

Good morning all...

 

Nova and HH.  Very happy there is some improvement. 

 

 

Yesterday, I felt okay...was planning a bike ride and then whamo....a bit of floater stuff  in vision for a few seconds and that damn weird brain/headache stuff was with me.  Not as bad as a migraine one but still enough to ruin me for the day.  Hope it's not a full one on the way.  Seem to be in a migraine/headache phase of healing.  Oh well...

[[No...]]

This is pretty cool ... cannot see out any of the windows for the ice on them ... they all look like that rippled, frosted bathroom glass, sure is making a bunch of racket ...

 

As long as the power holds this will be an okay day ...

 

Hope you all are having as interesting a day as I am ... 

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... well ... better if not "great" ... so that's what sleep is for ... some "re-charge" and some balance ... hmmm ... this is fascinating for me ... I have been disconnected from my sleep and why it is there for so long I suppose I had "forgotten" about it ...

 

For me, another sign that things are improving ... these little "re-attachments" slowly coming back ... I take a lot of encouragement from these ...

 

Green ... yes .... the peeing thing shows up when I am "agitated" ... for me, a "leftover" from my more "engaged" days ...  

 

On a long, boring afternoon, what does the old fool do when he is feeling down and a little lost ... well ... he looks up "meningitis" on google and wallows around in that for a while ... then ... better run off and get that one checked out ... then the old fool and I have a good belly laugh ...

 

For me, another sign of improvement ... the slow separation, discrimination, of aspects of myself ... you know, the foolish one, the hardliner, the kind one, the wisdom one, the confused one, the fearful one ... and so on ... somewhere during this drug journey it seems they all got concatenated together ... our "committee of the whole" meetings turned into mad, screaming, useless yelling matches ... where did the chairperson go? ...

 

Yes, Nova, I have felt throughout most of this my personality has been fragmented, which is why the intrusive thoughts are so frustrating and confusing.  On some level, I know they're real and accurate, but they're unblended, they're an ingredient in the recipe that cooks up into me.  So the individual thoughts, like a raw onion by itself, bear no resemblance to the cooked dish, pork chops smothered in onions.  That's how the intrusives feel, that's how my thoughts sometimes feel, which makes it hard to get comfortable and rely on what I'm thinking and feeling.  Some days so much better than others. Today a little weird, a little off, probably having some of Coop's heavy DP/DR, she and I are always tracking each other.

 

Anyhow so glad you're a little more integrated today

 

Well ... it seems the chairperson has always been there ... there was just too much "noise" for them to be noticed ... the meetings continue ... now, more frequently, I can here the rap of the occasional gavel ... Robert's Rules of Order is still not being practiced ... (who was Robert, anyway) ... but the voices are getting more distinct ... and there is the occasional calm before another shouting match ... sort of like too many children vying for the teacher's attention all at once, as I remember my more raucous school days ... you know, the squirming, hand waving, "me, me, me" ... "I have the answer" kind of thing ...

 

Well .. I must have got some sleep ... the long-winded one has struck again ...

 

Hope we all have a good Sunday ...

 

[[Wh...]]

Green, Thank you so much for those posts...I just love you for sharing so much with us. ...That is exactly how I felt.  Freaking like my mind literally no longer existed and I was going with it.. in this entire 18 months I have not had that. I am beginning to understand that what doesn't knock us around in the first year will circle around and clobber us in year 2.. Fortunately by year 2 most of us have made good friends here and have better support, knowledge and grit than we did in year one. I am now understanding that I have had d/r all along including during the beginning of my use. I have been intrepring it as light headedress and cog fog which seem to be all mixed into it. I have also experienced pre-panic with it, but I thought it was the beginning of the panic. I had a lot of clarity this morning that gradually morphed into d/r and spaciness this afternoon that I am managing thanks to your post and Drew's and everybody's support. It seems as though this is a new kind of wave....regular d/r.  Thank you very much benzo beast. There can't be much left in the arsenal that I haven't been hit with.  With help from my friends I am still standing.

....Your trip sounds wonderful.  You sound so empowered and ready to getting back to something that you love. A big brave step. I am with you all the way. I am glad you have that escape clause in your internal dialouge...and that if needed you can delay it without penalty. Just making the plan and doing the flight would be huge for me.

...thank you so much Green...I appreciate your time here so much...it is such a support to all of us.  Love to you sx buddy and happy Valentines Day to you....coop

 

Thank you, Coop, but I'm not that tough, I don't think.  I have a plan B, postpone trip if necessary.  and that might just happen.  I'm very positive, but I'm really not all that functional.  I can't roll myself out in the morning, I don't have lots of energy, the stamina for a whole day.  I'm hoping I'm ready by May 2, but -- all along I've projected into the future, a social engagement, a commitment, and said, oh, surely I'll be better by such and such a date, that's so far away from now -  and that date comes and goes and I'm not there yet.  I know everybody here has gone through that.  We hit the milestones and are stunned that we're not doing more.  I think it's good that I'm trying, that I'm hopeful, that's the healing.  If I can't, I won't.  I start month 16 tomorrow.  I'll have 18 months by May,  my God, I have to be better by then!!! :'(

 

Anyway, I relate to all the symptoms, Nova's groin to throat panic -- mine goes up to my head.  And I've got the revving, a little poised for panic and vibrations.  Do you guys notice increased urination when this comes?  I had this last year, I know I did, but it's not as bad now.  not pleasant, but not as bad as last year.

 

okay, feel a little panic coming on, so I'm going to distract a little.

 

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

 

Yes! I notice when my anxiety is up, I feel like I am peeing every 10 minutes or less! I just started noticing this recently! It's really annoying! grrrrrr!

 

has anyone noticed adrenaline surges lately? After acute these went away conpletely but for the last two days, I have been having these all day and night (makes for a fun night of sleeping! 😡). I also keep finding my body tensing through all of these! This morning it happened again and I just said "fine...have a panic attack! I don't care!".. and nothing happened! This crap has just got to end!! I'm so done with it all!

[[Sk...]]

Today I am getting a break. But I realize that my perception of reality is still quite flawed.

 

What does not help, is that people out there are nuts , present company excluded. YEsterday, I had booked a session to have a conversation in French, with a native French tutor. The guy, a kid, after the lesson, wrote in  the feedback some flirtacious comments, and then,  he sent me a poem, with each verse starting  with a letter from my name, an acrostic poem. THen, all that was not enough, he posted that poem on a poetry social network with my picture and I found out, only because, when I  saw the poem, I googled it to see who had written it, I did not know the tutor had written it.

 

Crazy right ? why does something like that, have to happen when I am so impressionable ? But life does not stop, just because we are in wd, as you all know  much better than me, and jerks don't take a break, they always work overtime. The whole thing made me feel dirty, as if I had cheated on mr Sky somehow.

 

These little lessons, help me take my mind off things, shift my focus, they are a little prize for having worked hard all week. Guess I must stick to female tutors.

 

BAck to wd. I have this happen to me. I see a picture, a film, and I have this feeling of being there, in the picture, film and it is mindblowing, it is not a bad thing necessarily, but I KNOW it's wrong, it feels wrong.

THen, when I look at people, real or in a picture, I see how they were when they were young, and how they will be when they are older. THAT is soooo creeepy !

 

 

Another thing is food. If the food is not super fresh, I notice it. I never noticed anything in my life, I do notice it now, only I feel it as a very strong bad taste, whereas nobody else notices it. sometime it keeps me from eating, and we have noticed that it hits me with food that was cooked a day or two ago.

 

Yesterday, mr Sky bought me a lovely big teddy bear. I needed one, to hold on to at night, when my heart gets  bad, I just hold on to Mr SKy and the teddy bear all night long. I had my childhood teddy bear, but it's really in tatters, I needed one more "equipped" to  handle an emergency !

 

Hope I have not creeped you out with all this !

 

We had a special meal, we could not afford a meal at our favourite restaurant but what we did was quite nice and romantic. Next year, we will be sooo splurging and eating something super nice. Wd has improved mr Sky's cooking skills, he is making some amazing stuff.

 

One last thing. Last night, I dreamt we met up somewhere. We were healed and happy and we took a picture which we posted on FAcebook and we called it " the survivors " and our friends had no idea what we were talking about !!

I had not realized that I my post was so long !! Sorry about that, but I don't post often so bear with me today !

 

[[be...]]

Hi all,

Laying on the couch today giving myself a pity party. Month 19 has not been kind to me so far.

I have been in more waves this month than not, when the waves lift it' s usually just a few hours or a day. I entered my eighteenth month in a wave but the rest of the month was pretty good.

This month I have gone back to acute symptoms a few times and the nerve pain has been a ten.

I'm praying this is all a pathway for some good healing.

Anyone still doing the teeth clenching? I was doing the teeth clenching 24/7 for a long time, now only when in a wave.

These waves are milder in the sense that everything that could be thrown at me...is not. The waves are more of locked up head pain, intrusive thoughts, all over body tightness, and fear of the unknown.

The nerve pain never leaves just gets milder.

The worst thing about my waves is the me me me, I'm so sick and tired of focusing on my needy self.

 

On the bright side...I know that I'm healing...I have made much progress and I will get through this...and the SUN is  8)shining. It's very cold but sunny.

 

Thinking of you all   Be Well.

[[Sk...]]

BEULAH, I am at 15 months so I am not at your level of healing, but teeth clencing is still going on big time.

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad this far out !

 

I know what you mean about being tired of the me, me, me !  It gets tiring, so tiring.

 

I just realized that my other  post is so long ! SO sorry, about that !

[[He...]]

Green, Thank you so much for those posts...I just love you for sharing so much with us. ...That is exactly how I felt.  Freaking like my mind literally no longer existed and I was going with it.. in this entire 18 months I have not had that. I am beginning to understand that what doesn't knock us around in the first year will circle around and clobber us in year 2.. Fortunately by year 2 most of us have made good friends here and have better support, knowledge and grit than we did in year one. I am now understanding that I have had d/r all along including during the beginning of my use. I have been intrepring it as light headedress and cog fog which seem to be all mixed into it. I have also experienced pre-panic with it, but I thought it was the beginning of the panic. I had a lot of clarity this morning that gradually morphed into d/r and spaciness this afternoon that I am managing thanks to your post and Drew's and everybody's support. It seems as though this is a new kind of wave....regular d/r.  Thank you very much benzo beast. There can't be much left in the arsenal that I haven't been hit with.  With help from my friends I am still standing.

....Your trip sounds wonderful.  You sound so empowered and ready to getting back to something that you love. A big brave step. I am with you all the way. I am glad you have that escape clause in your internal dialouge...and that if needed you can delay it without penalty. Just making the plan and doing the flight would be huge for me.

...thank you so much Green...I appreciate your time here so much...it is such a support to all of us.  Love to you sx buddy and happy Valentines Day to you....coop

 

Thank you, Coop, but I'm not that tough, I don't think.  I have a plan B, postpone trip if necessary.  and that might just happen.  I'm very positive, but I'm really not all that functional.  I can't roll myself out in the morning, I don't have lots of energy, the stamina for a whole day.  I'm hoping I'm ready by May 2, but -- all along I've projected into the future, a social engagement, a commitment, and said, oh, surely I'll be better by such and such a date, that's so far away from now -  and that date comes and goes and I'm not there yet.  I know everybody here has gone through that.  We hit the milestones and are stunned that we're not doing more.  I think it's good that I'm trying, that I'm hopeful, that's the healing.  If I can't, I won't.  I start month 16 tomorrow.  I'll have 18 months by May,  my God, I have to be better by then!!! :'(

 

Anyway, I relate to all the symptoms, Nova's groin to throat panic -- mine goes up to my head.  And I've got the revving, a little poised for panic and vibrations.  Do you guys notice increased urination when this comes?  I had this last year, I know I did, but it's not as bad now.  not pleasant, but not as bad as last year.

 

okay, feel a little panic coming on, so I'm going to distract a little.

 

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

 

Yes! I notice when my anxiety is up, I feel like I am peeing every 10 minutes or less! I just started noticing this recently! It's really annoying! grrrrrr!

 

has anyone noticed adrenaline surges lately? After acute these went away conpletely but for the last two days, I have been having these all day and night (makes for a fun night of sleeping! 😡). I also keep finding my body tensing through all of these! This morning it happened again and I just said "fine...have a panic attack! I don't care!".. and nothing happened! This crap has just got to end!! I'm so done with it all!

 

Hi Why!  This is how I feel too.....this HAS to end because I am SO DONE!!  It doesn't even matter that most of my days are good, I am still just done with it all. 

 

I used to have the adrenaline surges a lot, but they have died down in frequency and intensity.  I have found that taking a large dose of vitamin C will help when I get the surges.  I would drink a packet of Emergen-C when I was experiencing them and it seemed to calm things down.  Maybe that is something you can try?

 

HH

[[He...]]

Sky, I always like the longer posts.  Write away!!   I'm glad you are getting a break today.  That is pretty creepy about the guy....especially that he posted your picture! Hopefully you can block him on all accounts.  Some people are just so bizarre! 

 

Beulah, I'm so sorry that you are struggling this month! This just sucks!! You are right, though.  You ARE healing!  Hang in there. 

[[He...]]

Hi everyone,

I am proud of myself because I went on a 2 1/2 mile brisk walk today.  For some reason, probably all my heart worries earlier, I stopped going on walks last fall.  It felt good and I am going to start meeting my friend for early morning walks again. 

My dog was very happy!

 

I realized another subtle sign of healing....I can take a multi-vitamin again without being miserably revved up.  I take one almost every day now.    Funny how things start regulating bit by bit.

 

Love to you all,

HH

[[Wh...]]

Today I am getting a break. But I realize that my perception of reality is still quite flawed.

 

What does not help, is that people out there are nuts , present company excluded. YEsterday, I had booked a session to have a conversation in French, with a native French tutor. The guy, a kid, after the lesson, wrote in  the feedback some flirtacious comments, and then,  he sent me a poem, with each verse starting  with a letter from my name, an acrostic poem. THen, all that was not enough, he posted that poem on a poetry social network with my picture and I found out, only because, when I  saw the poem, I googled it to see who had written it, I did not know the tutor had written it.

 

Crazy right ? why does something like that, have to happen when I am so impressionable ? But life does not stop, just because we are in wd, as you all know  much better than me, and jerks don't take a break, they always work overtime. The whole thing made me feel dirty, as if I had cheated on mr Sky somehow.

 

These little lessons, help me take my mind off things, shift my focus, they are a little prize for having worked hard all week. Guess I must stick to female tutors.

 

BAck to wd. I have this happen to me. I see a picture, a film, and I have this feeling of being there, in the picture, film and it is mindblowing, it is not a bad thing necessarily, but I KNOW it's wrong, it feels wrong.

THen, when I look at people, real or in a picture, I see how they were when they were young, and how they will be when they are older. THAT is soooo creeepy !

 

 

Another thing is food. If the food is not super fresh, I notice it. I never noticed anything in my life, I do notice it now, only I feel it as a very strong bad taste, whereas nobody else notices it. sometime it keeps me from eating, and we have noticed that it hits me with food that was cooked a day or two ago.

 

Yesterday, mr Sky bought me a lovely big teddy bear. I needed one, to hold on to at night, when my heart gets  bad, I just hold on to Mr SKy and the teddy bear all night long. I had my childhood teddy bear, but it's really in tatters, I needed one more "equipped" to  handle an emergency !

 

Hope I have not creeped you out with all this !

 

We had a special meal, we could not afford a meal at our favourite restaurant but what we did was quite nice and romantic. Next year, we will be sooo splurging and eating something super nice. Wd has improved mr Sky's cooking skills, he is making some amazing stuff.

 

One last thing. Last night, I dreamt we met up somewhere. We were healed and happy and we took a picture which we posted on FAcebook and we called it " the survivors " and our friends had no idea what we were talking about !!

I had not realized that I my post was so long !! Sorry about that, but I don't post often so bear with me today !

 

Glad you were able to enjoy the evening with Mr Sky!!! Hope you have a good day!!

[[je...]]

Hi all,

Laying on the couch today giving myself a pity party. Month 19 has not been kind to me so far.

I have been in more waves this month than not, when the waves lift it' s usually just a few hours or a day. I entered my eighteenth month in a wave but the rest of the month was pretty good.

This month I have gone back to acute symptoms a few times and the nerve pain has been a ten.

I'm praying this is all a pathway for some good healing.

Anyone still doing the teeth clenching? I was doing the teeth clenching 24/7 for a long time, now only when in a wave.

These waves are milder in the sense that everything that could be thrown at me...is not. The waves are more of locked up head pain, intrusive thoughts, all over body tightness, and fear of the unknown.

The nerve pain never leaves just gets milder.

The worst thing about my waves is the me me me, I'm so sick and tired of focusing on my needy self.

 

On the bright side...I know that I'm healing...I have made much progress and I will get through this...and the SUN is  8)shining. It's very cold but sunny.

 

Thinking of you all   Be Well.

 

 

Yes I have the teeth clenching too! I also grind my teeth, so when I wake up in the morning my jaw is so sore. My nerve pain is less now too, but I'm almost never free of it completely. Your probably doing some big healing with this wave your in, I'm positive you will see big improvements once its over.

[[Sk...]]

Hi everyone,

I am proud of myself because I went on a 2 1/2 mile brisk walk today.  For some reason, probably all my heart worries earlier, I stopped going on walks last fall.  It felt good and I am going to start meeting my friend for early morning walks again. 

My dog was very happy!

 

I realized another subtle sign of healing....I can take a multi-vitamin again without being miserably revved up.  I take one almost every day now.    Funny how things start regulating bit by bit.

 

Love to you all,

HH

 

HH, this is such great news, it really is ! Walks, multivitamins, happy dogs, sounds like  you are almost there! 

[[Sk...]]

BAck to wd. I have this happen to me. I see a picture, a film, and I have this feeling of being there, in the picture, film and it is mindblowing, it is not a bad thing necessarily, but I KNOW it's wrong, it feels wrong.

THen, when I look at people, real or in a picture, I see how they were when they were young, and how they will be when they are older. THAT is soooo creeepy !

 

 

Another thing is food. If the food is not super fresh, I notice it. I never noticed anything in my life, I do notice it now, only I feel it as a very strong bad taste, whereas nobody else notices it. sometime it keeps me from eating, and we have noticed that it hits me with food that was cooked a day or two ago.

 

Does anybody have these symptoms ? or have any ideas about them '

 

I am going to bed, here it rained all day. Wish you all a good evening.